Ace of Spades HQ

August 31, 2005

Vagina Dentata-- Literally
— Ace

A South African woman has invented the "Rapedex," a circle of burr-like teeth, that will bite into the penis of a rapist, and can't be removed without surgery.

"It will make the men think twice," she told Sapa of the invention that grew from "filing away" passing comments over the years.
A client she was consulting when she was a blood cross-matcher for a transfusion service, remarked one day "if only I had teeth down there", she related.
And while on call in hospitals and privy to corridor talk, she overheard a surgeon joking about a man who had caught his penis in his trouser zip.
"I filed the teeth and the zip away (comments) in my mind and played around with it," she said.
After conducting research on rape, she eventually selected an engineer and a developer. Only identified as "Bert" and "Piet", they came up with the polyurethane device.
The product was tested on models of penises and vaginas and then given to women to test for comfort.

Presumably there were no tests on men to test for comfort.

Cool idea... although some chick in the fantasy book Thieves' World had a similar device. Although I think that one was an interuterine penile guillotine. Now thats' old school justice.

One question: what if a woman is willing to have sex but forgets to take it out? I can really see that "ruining the mood."

Posted by: Ace at 11:34 AM | Comments (43)
Post contains 242 words, total size 2 kb.

1 The availability of this device should also make any guy wary of an ex-girlfriend that wants to get back together for one last fling.

Posted by: Tony B at August 31, 2005 11:44 AM (QBrm4)

2 If (when) they finally put me back in the joint, I'm going to have to look into a male version of one of these.

Posted by: ace at August 31, 2005 11:45 AM (W7JEQ)

3 I guess a guy could test the waters, so to speak. What's losing a finger compared to a . . .

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 11:47 AM (Ehvu2)

4 Either that, or back to keeping an ill-tempered badger in my ass.

Posted by: ace at August 31, 2005 11:47 AM (W7JEQ)

5 Either that, or back to keeping an ill-tempered badger in my ass.

That was meant as a deterrent? I thought it was, you know, a kink.

Posted by: Slublog at August 31, 2005 11:50 AM (Zy8kP)

6 .
Hey August (finger): Bite your tongue!

(Ooops, now that image just won't go away)

Posted by: speedster1 at August 31, 2005 11:50 AM (vypFj)

7 I once saw a side show at a carnival that featured a woman who I swore had a Veg-O-Matic implant. Granted it was only a banana but you should have seen the nice clean slices!

Posted by: BrewFan at August 31, 2005 11:50 AM (Byr3j)

8 I hope she likes it in the poop chute because she's forcing the car off the road right into her house.

Posted by: Dman at August 31, 2005 12:00 PM (m2CN7)

9 I can't help but wonder what happens once the offending member is severed and left up there. Is a doctor supposed to stick his hand up there to pull it out?

... Am I thinking about this a little too much?

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at August 31, 2005 12:16 PM (oCJ1y)

10 This reminds me of those "spring-gun" cases they make you read in torts. Guy sets up a spring gun aimed at the door of his empty house, tresspasser enters -bang! Does Mrs. Tresspasser have a cause of action for wrong death?

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 12:21 PM (Ehvu2)

11 Wait a sec, Ace-- I thought JeffB was the ill-tempered badger in your ass? Or is he going by a different name now?

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at August 31, 2005 12:22 PM (y1hCN)

12 I hope she likes it in the poop chute because she's forcing the car off the road right into her house.

Kind of hard to rape somebody that way either when you have teeth stuck in your unit, no?

Posted by: lauraw at August 31, 2005 12:28 PM (0+tK7)

13 Since raping virgins (including infants) is considered by some Africans a cure for AIDS, this may be not such a bad idea.

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 12:30 PM (Ehvu2)

14 One question: what if a woman is willing to have sex but forgets to take it out? I can really see that "ruining the mood."

In the Neil Stephenson book Snow Crash, a character accidentally did just that. In that version, the dentata were loaded with a narcotic that knocked out the bitee.

Life imitating art and all that.

Posted by: Ayes of Death David at August 31, 2005 12:30 PM (Hj9yW)

15 Kind of hard to rape somebody that way either when you have teeth stuck in your unit, no?

As is raping the other way when you have an ill-tempered badger stuck on your unit.

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 12:33 PM (Ehvu2)

16 Neal Stephenson had a similar device in Snowcrash. And the girl did forget to take it out. Major snicker.

Posted by: Dianna at August 31, 2005 12:39 PM (qrFCz)

17 Skimmed the article . . . I'm to understand that this device can't be removed without surgery. Is that from the woman once it's inserted? Or the man, once the barbs are stuck in his wang?

So basically, he's going to have some kind of little fish hooks stuck in his worm. The fish, worm, tackle jokes abound.

If these things get caught in skin, how will they not get caught in her skin? Or in a tampon?

Her: I wouldn't do that if I were you. There might be a little prick.

Him: Have we met before?

ad infinitum

Posted by: compos mentis at August 31, 2005 12:40 PM (xHpUK)

18 Kind of hard to rape somebody that way either when you have teeth stuck in your unit, no?

I was only thinking of the well read rapist who would skip the teeth and go straight to the pooty.

Posted by: Dman at August 31, 2005 12:48 PM (m2CN7)

19 heh!

Posted by: Megan at August 31, 2005 01:04 PM (s22mC)

20 Wait, you've got to wait until a surgeon comes and frees the guy from your vag?
That sounds like a way to get a lot of dead rape victims.

Or does this thing pop off and stay attached to the guy?

Posted by: Iblis at August 31, 2005 01:07 PM (9221z)

21 Well, crap. I wasn't too bothered by this thread until I realized I was singing the title to the tune of "Hakuna Matata" in my head.

Posted by: S. Weasel at August 31, 2005 01:20 PM (6ed4W)

22 Reading the article, I got the impression the foul device couldn't be removed from the offending wanger without surgery, not from the woman's, ahem, spaz chamber. The article's worth reading just to see the comments from the usual suspects about the "alleged rapist's rights" and the "usual putting the onus of preventing rape on the woman".

I just can't wait for the spam for little Kevlar dick helmets to hit my inbox.

Posted by: Rob C. at August 31, 2005 01:25 PM (Ft+og)

23 In a related story, volunteers for UN peacekeeping forces are expected to drop sharply in the near future.

Posted by: bullwinkle at August 31, 2005 01:26 PM (AZvIl)

24 bullwinkle:

"In a related story, volunteers for UN peacekeeping forces are expected to drop sharply in the near future"

Wonder if these things can be adapted to sheep?

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 01:31 PM (Ft+og)

25 Maybe they can be adapted to very disturbed men. That way the horse gets it too.

[/sarcasm]

Posted by: Captain Ned at August 31, 2005 02:18 PM (TV7Hr)

26 The "dentata" in Snow Crash was more of an injector needle that delivered a dose intended to render the rapist unconcious. I don't recall anything in the description that involved maiming of the member.

Aside from any issues of maintenance and removal, I believe a tranquilizer would be much more effective than this "fish hook" nonsense. It's not like a rapist is likely to simply shrug off such damage and proceed to walk away and find an easier target. "Maiming of the member" (ooh, that's catchy) would seem to make any man really angry and violent. It all sounds like just desserts until that first rapist sues the woman and the device manufacturer for an outrageous sum of damages and emotional suffering.

Posted by: Joe Ego at August 31, 2005 02:34 PM (jIUkC)

27 mobyhuncher

Posted by: bob rich at August 31, 2005 02:42 PM (3HQHl)

28 It all sounds like just desserts until that first rapist sues the woman and the device manufacturer for an outrageous sum of damages and emotional suffering.

Self defense, like force in the prevention of a felony. As far as I'm concerned, the likelihood of a rapist murdering his victim is high and a victim would be justified in killing any rapist including one who was walking away, in that he could just be searching for a weapon in which to murder her.

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 02:47 PM (Ehvu2)

29 Of course self defense is a valid defense is the use of these kinds of devices, but that will not necessarily stop some perp or some dead perp's family from filing any charges.

Like I said, I'd much rather see the use of a trainquilizer than a maimer mostly because it would usually be safer for the woman to be stuck with an unconcious man on top of her rather than an irate felon directing his anger at those parts of her body that aren't currently biting back.

Posted by: Joe Ego at August 31, 2005 02:54 PM (jIUkC)

30 There was another fictional device thought up by some anti-rape activists in Europe or Scandanavia. They even made some TV commercials for it. It was a white plastic, spring-loaded, sharpened spear that would stab anything triggering it. Had a tampon cord for removal.

Posted by: Dogstar at August 31, 2005 03:04 PM (KgeNY)

31 You think a guy getting a needle in his dick isn't going to piss him off? And to inject the amount needed in the already engorged body part is going to hurt even more. And, if the needle hits a vein or an artery, you could end up giving him a lethal dose. I say go with the 'gina bear trap gizmo.

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 03:36 PM (Ehvu2)

32 I'd like a pack of Trojans...

Regular or Maxxum

Maxxum

Ribbed or non

non

Lubricated or not

Lubricated

Latex or Kevlar

Kevlar.

All right, that'll be 3 pound 5 pence

Posted by: BumperStickerist at August 31, 2005 04:16 PM (AYD8D)

33 Good idea, Bumper. Body armor for every body part. : )

Posted by: at August 31, 2005 04:56 PM (Ehvu2)

34 Regarding all these comments about "pissing off" the rapist...

Yeah, I'm sure it will, but I imagine the level of pain being inflicted and psychological trauma may hinder his attempts to harm the victim. Personally, I imagine a great deal of screaming and panic ensuing in the aftermath of the device's activation, during which time the rapist is likely to be preoccupied. A little bit of the old "in and out" becomes a distant concern when your equipment is full of fishhooks and reenacting the elevator scene from The Shining.

Considering where the rapists' priorities would be in that situation, I would imagine that the victim could moonwalk away in the company of the Michigan State marching band without the rapist noticing.

Posted by: Alex_fs at August 31, 2005 06:15 PM (PpBGs)

35 Fine fine fine...

But can we all agree that "Maimed Member" would be a great name for a band?

Posted by: Joe Ego at August 31, 2005 06:51 PM (jIUkC)

36 I didn't think Lion King with the title of this post.

I was thinking more along the lines of the third album by The Police.

De Do Do Do, De da da Da...

Posted by: Aaron's cc: at August 31, 2005 06:55 PM (ov6Vw)

37 Then one wonders; is ensuring that the poor rape victim gets pumped full of nice, fresh, possibly HIV-infected blood a good thing? Methinks not.

Posted by: Rob C. at September 01, 2005 06:31 AM (Ft+og)

38 Rob C
Excellent point!!!!!!

Posted by: Lanceredstaterantrant at September 01, 2005 09:04 AM (w9wO1)

39 Clamp and cauterize. No blood spill. Major pain and damage.

Posted by: at September 01, 2005 04:41 PM (Ehvu2)

40 Revisiting the legal-liability issue: Would a device like this be considered a concealed weapon? Would you need a conceal-carry permit (in states where such permits are allowed) to have it installed?

In a related vein, would a woman wearing this device be vulnerable to a lawsuit (or even criminal charges, if in fact it is considered a concealed weapon) if she didn't warn her would-be assailant that she was, um, carrying?

Posted by: Joshua at September 06, 2005 09:53 AM (XPnN/)

41 http://parkerpalumbo.blogcu.com/

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