Ace of Spades HQ

August 30, 2004

Top Ten Things Which Are Important to Andrew Sullivan
— Ace

(ranked in order of ascending importance)

10. Scoring front-row tickets to a Madonna concert and enough Ecstacy to make it through all of her new shit without falling asleep

9. Winning a victory in the War on Terror, and thereby safeguarding and securing the very continued existance of our civilization

8. Ikea

7. Collecting enough money in the "bandwidth fund" to buy that adorable cobalt-blue PT Cruiser with the kitschy-cute leatherette seats (categorized in the accounting-books as a "physical-transport bandwidth upgrade")

6. His treasured tool-box filled with sketch-pads, sketching pencils, charcoals, and watercolors; or, as he calls them, his "Tools of the Soul"

5. Delighting over the pro-metrosexual subtext of Goofus and Gallant cartoons ("Goofus goes out with a head of hair that can break a rake/Gallant uses Paul Mitchell styling gel to sculpt his "fauxhawk" doo; Goofus watches television all night/Gallant reads Oscar Wilde and weightlifting magazines")

4. His three beloved beagles, named Reagan, Thatcher, and Mr. McFloppyears

3. The annual Provincetown "Top-Hats & White Spats" Ball

2. That a socially liberal "conservative" party will one day form, led by John McCain, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Rudy Guilliani, and disco diva Kylie Minogue

...and the Number One Thing Which is Important to Andrew Sullivan...

1. Electing a President who bravely, candidly, and forthrightly states his support for Sullivan's "right" to marry a man; or, barring that, then electing John Forbes Kerry

Posted by: Ace at 11:02 AM | Comments (27)
Post contains 248 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I am a servant to the demands of "The People."

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 11:06 AM (RGQgo)

2 Kylie's an Aussie. Those legs are too long for anything smaller than an island continent.

Posted by: Jim at August 30, 2004 11:07 AM (IOwam)

3 Thanks. I will correct.

Posted by: Ace at August 30, 2004 11:08 AM (RGQgo)

4
A lot of times I'm called upon to drop a "hip" reference, but I have no idea what the hell is hip. I've heard of Kylie Minogue, but I can't name one of her songs nor could I tell you what the hell she looks like.

I don't even know if she's still hip. It's been three or four years since I've heard of her, so she's probably not hip at all at this point.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 11:13 AM (RGQgo)

5 Ace:

You are forgiven. I have no idea who Kylie Minogue is, either.

Posted by: SWLiP at August 30, 2004 11:19 AM (WfQGW)

6 ""Collecting enough money in the "bandwidth fund" to buy that adorable cobalt-blue PT Cruiser with the kitschy-cute leatherette seats (categorized in the accounting-books as a "physical-transport bandwidth upgrade")""

My favorite. No doubt. From this guys whining and constant fundraising you would think he has the bandwidth drain of amazon, msn, and aol combined.

BTW another brilliant top ten

Posted by: Jennifer at August 30, 2004 11:22 AM (EFbG1)

7 Thanks, Jennifer.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 11:25 AM (RGQgo)

8 Very funny, as usual. But I can't help wincing slightly at the male-pattern baldness comment.

But that's just my vain, feminine side talking. I must destroy that side.

Posted by: Rocketeer at August 30, 2004 11:28 AM (RGO9Y)

9 You know, I didn't even think of that. I just wanted to insult Sullivan. It didn't occur to me it's a touch subject with a lot of good guys.

I'm going to replace that one as soon as I can think of something else.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 11:30 AM (RGQgo)

10 I have always wondered at the weightlifting thing until a buddy of mine reminded me that Sully needs those big arms to put a Greco-Roman Corn Grip on whatever drunken queen passes out behind the dumpster at The Pelican in P-Town.

Kylie's famous for the junk in the trunk. Seriously nice pooper.

Posted by: spongeworthy at August 30, 2004 11:41 AM (uSomN)

11 God bless you for responding to the wishes people. You're like the popular recording artist who has the god-given sense to give the people more of what they want rather than doing some boring arty shit instead. But I am howling for more blood. Sullivan's "OF COURSE the SwiftVets are a put-up job by Bush's team!" comments have totally f***ing enraged me. I've turned around on him the way he's turned around on George W. Bush.

Posted by: Jeff B. at August 30, 2004 11:41 AM (037AZ)

12 Okay, I don't know if it's any good, but I've replaced the bald joke after three abortive tries.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 11:45 AM (RGQgo)

13 Yes, thank you, Ace, for responding to your fans' wishes. But like Jeff B., I want BLOOD!

Posted by: SWLiP at August 30, 2004 11:46 AM (WfQGW)

14 I really really hate to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I'm not so sure about the PT Cruiser joke. After all, Sully wants to raise gas taxes on all of us because, well, he doesn't drive.

Posted by: SWLiP at August 30, 2004 11:47 AM (WfQGW)

15 Ace is a river to his people!

Posted by: SWLiP at August 30, 2004 11:48 AM (WfQGW)

16 Ace--

I know who Kylie Minogue is. Her music's okay, if you're into club music (I know you aren't, but I heard that Johnny Coldcuts is crazy shizzy for German Industrial). Anyways, she's pretty hot, for someone her age. Google her and you'll like.

She definitely got out of the 1980's alive and well and looking better than before, unlike Madonna, who looks like something I dropped.

Cheers,
Dave
Arlington, Virginia

Posted by: Dave at August 30, 2004 11:48 AM (rV7Dk)

17 Bald is beautiful, except in his case.

Posted by: Joe R. at August 30, 2004 12:10 PM (DHwcf)

18 Geez, Ace, I was kidding. I was okay with the bald comment, really. I mean, after a good long cry, and a couple hours in front of a mirror with my self-esteem exercises, I was past it.

Seriously, I'm bald, but I actually kind of like it. It looks good on a hetero like me. Although invariably, liberal Massachusetts acquaintances end up muttering "always knew he was a goddamn skinhead" under their breath when they find out I'm a Republican voting for W.

Posted by: Rocketeer at August 30, 2004 12:32 PM (RGO9Y)

19 Kylie Minogue wears too much eye make up. It makes her look like a whore.

Posted by: kazizzle at August 30, 2004 12:43 PM (DiZv6)

20 I like the replacement better anyway.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2004 12:50 PM (RGQgo)

21 Ah, Oscar Wilde and bodybuilding magazines--together at last!

Posted by: Sean M. at August 30, 2004 12:55 PM (F168B)

22 Ace: Kylie is known for three things (besides being a hottie).

1. Her "one-hit wonder" single in the USA was a cover version of "Locomotion" (Do the lo-co-motion with meeee....)

2. When INXS was a happening band, she spent her days banging Michael Hutchence.

3. She is known for starring in an Australian soap opera entitiled "Neighbours". Similarly, and a little Jessica Simpson-y as well, her younger sister Danni starred in an Aussie soap called "Home and Away".

This is more than you ever wanted to know about KM. But if you lived in Britain in the early 90's as I did, you learn these things....

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster at August 30, 2004 02:45 PM (yucew)

23 Kylie is an icon for gay men - no self-respecting gay man would be without the complete Kylie CD collection! Watch the G&L Mardi Gras sometime - much homage is paid to Kylie!!

by the way, in Australia, she is affectionately known as the singing budgie.

Posted by: Anita at August 30, 2004 08:30 PM (O81zL)

24 ANDREW! MY MAN! I NEVER KNEW!

Listen, I might not vote - or swing - the same way, but the man has TASTE!

Now if I could persuade him to try a Mannlicher in .375 Rimless Nitro Express, just for cool... You SAW African Queen, right?

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