Ace of Spades HQ

November 24, 2008

Top Ten Signs That Unnamed 20-for-20 Marine Marksman Might Be a Badass
— Ace

10. Never goes anywhere without his "bible," a pocket-sized copy of the inspirational words of R. Lee "Full Metal Jacket" Ermey, titled Get the Fuck Off My Obstacle You Disgusting Fatbody

9. Beat the shit out of his company commander for right to dress in nonstandard uniform, which just happens to be exact costume worn by "The Humungous" from The Road Warrior

8. Just signed up as host of MTV's new show, Pimp My Vital Organs and/or Brain Stem

7. Known among his fellow Marines for passion for wrestling alligators and, also, fucking them ("They gotta feel like they've been beaten," he explains)

6. Only living American to receive France's highest military decoration, Le Palme d' Batman (with Wolverine cluster)

5. In his spare time, invents completely impractical new weapons, like the "Sword-Rifle," the "Whip-Rifle, and the "Nunchuck-Rifle;" no one argues with him, because he's also the inventor of a new form of debate, "Long-Ranged Ballistic Rhetoric"

4. Secret ingredient in his self-loaded high-power cartridges' gunpowder mix? See page 44 of Natural Harvest: A collection of semen- based recipes

3. Lists his hobbies as flyfishing, woodcrafting, and perfecting his own primitive diamond-cannon just in case the President declares war on the Gorn Empire

2. Creator of his own style of martial arts, Jeet Kun Wae-Do Fah Zho, or "Harmonious Way of Shooting People in Their Fucking Faces"

...and the number one sign the unnamed 20-for-20 Marine Marksman just might be a badass...

1. Uses phrase "I'd hit it" with air of chilling menace

Posted by: Ace at 04:29 PM | Comments (74)
Post contains 277 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Cue the "Joe, The Bad-Ass Hatred" media attention in 3, 2, 1....

Posted by: CJrun at November 24, 2008 04:34 PM (Qv180)

2 Hathcock is smiling.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 24, 2008 04:40 PM (vIdk6)

3 The legacy of Carlos Hathcock lives on. "One Shot, One Kill," baby.

Posted by: monsoon at November 24, 2008 04:42 PM (oLEUB)

4 Cpl. 20/20 is known to put a place a tiny bit of rabbit fur on each of his rounds in order to " kill them softly".

Posted by: kidney at November 24, 2008 04:42 PM (QAdII)

5 This is freakin' awesome. Have to send it to the Marine brother-in-law, and also humbly remind him that he has to ride on my boat.

Posted by: walaw at November 24, 2008 04:42 PM (iK99X)

6 "Sword-Rifle,"

So he's played Final Fantasy 8 as well? I bet he earned all of Eden's abilities just to prove he could.

Posted by: Methos at November 24, 2008 04:42 PM (YgvQd)

7 Height and windage, height and windage. Point of impact. Works every time.

Posted by: monsoon at November 24, 2008 04:45 PM (oLEUB)

8 I heard he throws rocks at Taliban snipers just to even the odds.

Posted by: Reiver at November 24, 2008 04:46 PM (oliA4)

9 This marine does not do pushups anymore. He makes the earth below him move up and down now.

Posted by: EC at November 24, 2008 04:51 PM (j2Tjh)

10 Not to split hairs, but Hathcock was a sniper, crawling on his belly waiting days to take one shot.

Cpl 20/20 is a designated marksman, more like Sgt. York. "Line 'em up and knock 'em down."

Good to ya, Marine.

Posted by: Jeff at November 24, 2008 04:51 PM (BEhsl)

11 I'm sure the Toledo Police Dept. is looking into CPL 20/20s background right now.

Posted by: Jones at November 24, 2008 04:52 PM (KOkrW)

12 << In his spare time, invents completely impractical new weapons, like the "Sword-Rifle," >>

Pbbttt. Hardly original.

Posted by: Ka D'Argo at November 24, 2008 04:52 PM (jAjTh)

" ... And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.

Just sayin', is all.

Posted by: monsoon at November 24, 2008 04:59 PM (oLEUB)

14 How about " He has loosed the fateful lightening of His terrible swift sword..."

Posted by: kidney at November 24, 2008 05:02 PM (QAdII)

15 This young man definitely needs his own theme song.

Posted by: mrcaniac at November 24, 2008 05:04 PM (Rbulg)

16 <blockquote>
<< In his spare time, invents completely impractical new weapons, like the "Sword-Rifle," >>

Pbbttt. Hardly original.</blockquote>

I was thinking the same thing... "Isn't that a bayonet?"

Posted by: Jeff at November 24, 2008 05:05 PM (BEhsl)

17 needs his own theme song.

AC/DC Thunderstruck

Posted by: Purple Avenger at November 24, 2008 05:07 PM (vIdk6)

18 Gunny Hathcock, Vasili Zaitsev, meet your new brother. Muslim dirt eating scum, meet your new place for taking a dirt-nap.

Name three things that whistle in Afghanistan...
1. An Afghan on his way to "see" a certain goat he's "fond of"...
2. A Marine DM, Designated Marksman, whistling while he works...
3. A .308 FMJ-BT Bullet whistling toward that Afghan goat-humper on his way to see his favorite goat...
That's what I'm saying...
Semper Fi, you magnificent Bastards.

Posted by: enter sandman at November 24, 2008 05:09 PM (PgmlJ)

19 theme song? Highway to Hell...We'll Get Hell to Pay...Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap? He is paid by the Gubmint remember...

Posted by: enter sandman at November 24, 2008 05:12 PM (PgmlJ)

20 Does his high score count toward Gears Of War?
Just curious, is all...

Posted by: enter sandman at November 24, 2008 05:13 PM (PgmlJ)

Nice Purple, but I was thinking Metallica, "Fade to Black."

Posted by: Lee at November 24, 2008 05:15 PM (Xb3DR)

22 I was thinking Eddie Money, "Two Tickets to Paradise" or Roberta Flack "Killing Me Softly".

Posted by: mrcaniac at November 24, 2008 05:16 PM (Rbulg)

23 He makes his own Napalm from his used condoms and his own piss.

Posted by: hutch1200 at November 24, 2008 05:17 PM (j0rux)

24 One (or at least 20) more things that whistle in Afghanistan.

Any Taliban that has been in the sights of Cpl 20/20 whenever the wind blows through the new hole in their cranium.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 24, 2008 05:18 PM (MOdlB)

This guy is not a sniper - he is a marksman (etemology, "a picked man" or a "marked man" - think Sharp's Rifles). The skills are of course related, but they are not the same.

Now current record-holding sniper is a Canadian lad, a Newfie at that, named Rob Furlong.

Posted by: Holdfast at November 24, 2008 05:19 PM (Gzb30)

26 Oswald was a fag!

Posted by: McManus at November 24, 2008 05:19 PM (LxjSI)

27 Stones, Paint it Black...

Posted by: enter sandman at November 24, 2008 05:22 PM (PgmlJ)

28 7. Known among his fellow Marines for passion for wrestling alligators and, also, fucking them

And never calling them back. That's vital.

Posted by: 20-for-20 Marksman at November 24, 2008 05:27 PM (A12ap)

Alvin Fuckin York. (And he got the Blue Max...)

Funny, I was reading the Top Tens today, looking for a few good laughs...found them, by the way. Was wondering when we'd see them again.

Thanks.

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at November 24, 2008 05:34 PM (p8IOE)

30 "Alvin Fuckin York. (And he got the Blue Max...)"

Got it in his sights anyway.

Posted by: Dave J at November 24, 2008 05:38 PM (qsGH+)

"...never shall innocent blood be shed, yet the blood of the wicked shall flow like a river. And they shall spread their blackened wings and be the vengeful striking hammer of God..."

Posted by: BKWillis at November 24, 2008 05:40 PM (zKkCO)

32 OK so he can shoot but the press wants to know if he owes any back taxes.

Posted by: adk46er at November 24, 2008 05:47 PM (CqDOw)

33 Theme song - Krokus - Long Stick Goes Boom

Posted by: Buck Naked - Pron Star at November 24, 2008 05:49 PM (gxcKe)

34 Semper Fi, Marine--just to let ya know the Army loves ya too.

Posted by: irongrampa at November 24, 2008 06:02 PM (ud5dN)

35 The pie scene in "American Pie" is based on a dare the Unnamed 20-for-20 Marine Marksman took when he was younger. However, in the Marksman's case, the "pie" was the molten crater of an active volcano.

Posted by: CCooper at November 24, 2008 06:07 PM (N/k4Z)

36 There were 30, but 28 of them were making a head call just then.

So the T's were way outnumbered.

Posted by: Loren Heal at November 24, 2008 06:15 PM (1/FwS)

37 Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

Nobody ever said you couldn't go down fighting and if you are good enough, say 20/20, you need not go down at all.

Something to think about. By the time he finishes his stint there's a better than 50% chance he will come home to a country where even he can't legally buy a clip that holds 20 shots.

Posted by: Rocks at November 24, 2008 06:20 PM (7rbe9)

38 What that Marine needs for Christmas is more bullets.

Posted by: myiq2xu at November 24, 2008 06:22 PM (2WD/G)

Do NOT play poker against this man. Talk about cool...

Even Jack Bauer would be impressed.

Posted by: Steve the Pirate's wife at November 24, 2008 06:23 PM (GbxI2)

40 Just came from the previous thread on this guy . . . is he married? Would he like to be? 'Cause, damn, I like the sound of a guy who can do that.

Posted by: Tungsten Monk at November 24, 2008 06:23 PM (3VN01)

41 The Marine's Hymn, Natch.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at November 24, 2008 06:32 PM (1Mn8Z)

42 This marine shall is nameless because if you speak his name you will spontaneously combust.

Posted by: Allswell at November 24, 2008 06:32 PM (l7ERK)

43 The Commandant of the Marine Corps probably got wood over this report!

Every Marine IS a rifleman!

Posted by: Buck Naked - Pron Star at November 24, 2008 07:04 PM (gxcKe)

44 Speaking of kick ass Marines, remember that this is the time of year that these outstanding men and women collect toys for Toys for Tots. In my previous jobs we worked with them, and it was highlight of my Christmas season. So when you rob the Salvation Army kettle for the Val-U-Rite holiday run, grab a new toy and drop it off with them.

Posted by: mrcaniac at November 24, 2008 07:06 PM (Rbulg)

45 Holdfast,

Are you sure that Furlong guy still has that record? I thought a Marine sniper recorded a kill with a .50 cal at a range of about 1.75 miles or roughly 9000 feet in Iraq in 2004.

Not arguing. Just asking is all.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at November 24, 2008 07:10 PM (nOQ1R)

46 finally, some great shit.. .

Thanks

Posted by: Vinman at November 24, 2008 07:11 PM (idc+/)

47 ... President declares war on the Gorn Empire

I guess *someone* didn't score so well on the civics quiz.

On the other hand, that quiz might be out-of-date come January 21st.

Posted by: pbrown at November 24, 2008 07:14 PM (vxGjP)

48 That's just the Marine Corps marksman. The Marine Corps' Expert Rifleman knows that the mere marksman is a pussy. Of the course, the Marine Corps sniper will eat the Marine Corps expert rifleman for lunch...

Posted by: Warren Bonesteel at November 24, 2008 07:15 PM (h42Mb)

49 He doesn't placate (going old school AoS)

Posted by: eddiebear at November 24, 2008 08:25 PM (nINqE)

50 Oh, fer chrissakes, pbrown, everybody knows that the President can declare war on alien species.

Obviously some people have never watched Independence Day... Grumph...

Posted by: Casey at November 24, 2008 08:29 PM (RJSy/)

The Gorn are the only badasses left in Star Trek, besides Marines of course. This is an irrefutable fact, especially if you're familiar with SFB, SFC, or even the old FASA sim. Gorn engineering is summed up as "use twice as much power, brace it with another three feet of steel, and whack it with a hammer as big as a horse". Their weapons are usually designed to destroy small moons. Why? Because sometimes they're in the fuckin' way.

Gorn are basically slow-moving marines with scales and claws on their feet.

Posted by: Inspector Asshole at November 24, 2008 08:30 PM (pkE/U)

52 Hathcock is smiling.

Red Mike, the teacher of them all, is beaming too.

And the Bretheren say "Satisfactory."

Posted by: David in San Diego at November 24, 2008 08:46 PM (GF+6V)

53 His theme song should be "Bullets to Spare" by Dokken

Posted by: Mr. Lynch at November 24, 2008 09:49 PM (LKl5N)

54
I'm surprised nobody's quoted this yet ... but it's worth saying anyway:

"The point of war is not to die for your country. The point of war is to make some poor son-of-a-bitch die for his country." - George S. Patton

Or for his goat ...

Posted by: Brown Line at November 25, 2008 02:31 AM (xYeJ1)

55 CNN... "Why did you kill 20 men".....Marine.... "I only had 20 rounds"

Posted by: hutch1200 at November 25, 2008 02:52 AM (j0rux)

56

Awesome. Something uplifting? compared to all the damn bailout/Obamessiah news.

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at November 25, 2008 03:03 AM (lhxhu)

57 Oh no, don't make any fucking effort Private Pyle, if God had wanted you on my obstacle he'd have ferry'd your fat ass up there a long time ago!

Posted by: Woo at November 25, 2008 03:35 AM (m6c4H)

Woops.

Cocksuckers.

Posted by: Entropy at November 25, 2008 03:35 AM (m6c4H)

The post above with the Patton quote reminded me of something I came across a few years ago and thought you guys n gals may want to see it. It is the original Patton Speech. The one in the movie was highly sanitized for the average U.S. audience.

Posted by: Vic at November 25, 2008 03:38 AM (Qd7GC)

60 Do you think he's looking for a scandi wife?

Posted by: spurringirl at November 25, 2008 04:04 AM (AsFx1)

This young man definitely needs his own theme song.

And it goes like this... FROM THE HALLS OF MONTEZUMA

TO THE SHORES OF TRIPOLI...

Posted by: kidney at November 25, 2008 04:04 AM (QAdII)

62 From Patton's speech: "We want to get the hell over there", Patton continued, "The quicker we clean up this Goddamned mess, the quicker we can take a little jaunt against the purple pissing Japs and clean out their nest, too. Before the Goddamned Marines get all of the credit." "over there" being France/Germany...

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at November 25, 2008 04:26 AM (1hM1d)

God Bless America and the men she produces.

Posted by: Teleprompter Messiah at November 25, 2008 05:19 AM (+kP2/)

64 hutch1200 FTW.

Posted by: Joanna at November 25, 2008 05:46 AM (Db2kZ)

65 13 monsoon

Reminds me of Private Jackson, the marksman in "Saving Private Ryan" who quotes scripture to calm himself as he lines up his shots. "Blessed be the Lord my strength, which teaches my hands to war, and my fingers to fight." "My goodness, and my fortress; my high tower, and my deliverer; my shield, and he in whom I trust." "O my God, I trust in thee: let me not be ashamed, let not my enemies triumph over me."

Posted by: Formerly known as Skeptic at November 25, 2008 06:47 AM (91XRk)

"Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" -- Drowning Pool

Semper Fi and Good Hunting bro.

Posted by: unknown jane at November 25, 2008 08:28 AM (wyaGP)

67 I understand he went to Alaska, seduced Sarah Palin, then celebrated by forcing a polar bear to "toss his salad."

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 25, 2008 10:21 AM (0+Ggj)

68 Oh and while Hathcock was a scary, scary individual, this guy strikes me more as a very dedicated soldier and a man of striking skill. Thank God we still have men like this in the country in our time of need... and may many more be born to her.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at November 25, 2008 10:28 AM (0+Ggj)

#68:

Gunny Hathcock's skills and talent were very scary, but he was a very personable, humble individual -- even in his later years when his body was terribly wasted by disease. He was a gallant Marine and a fine gentleman.

Posted by: slackjawedyokel at November 25, 2008 12:05 PM (ykMRg)

70 In the Heavenly Division, Edson's Battalion (General Puller commanding), Red Mike and Gunny Hathcock are indeed smiling. But the Division Sergeant Major is beaming widest of all. Surprised no one's mentioned him yet.

Posted by: Militant Bibliophile at November 25, 2008 02:01 PM (bl4xn)

Semper Fi! This list brought more than a chuckle to my day. Two of these are definitely worth stealing (with proper credit, of course).

I would like to invite you and your readers to a new place forconservatives to rally and demand a return to conservative principles in our party and our nation. We need to gather all of our voices in one place so they can be heard clearly!

www.conservativeconvictions.blogspot.com

Posted by: Robert and Jenn at November 26, 2008 04:51 AM (9m2mD)

72 solar power for home solar power generators poker odds calculator

Posted by: Zoran at December 28, 2008 07:44 PM (XcZlI)

73 Great post as usual. Just like riding a bicycle used stationary bikes provide the similar benefits of riding a bicycle, provide good cardio workouts.

Posted by: joe at June 11, 2010 06:13 AM (KZ5YA)

74 buy diablo 2 Diablo 3 Accounts diablo 3 youtube

Posted by: nancy at September 28, 2011 07:41 PM (7RdKB)

Hide Comments | Add Comment