Ace of Spades HQ

December 30, 2008

The Juicebox Mafia, Explained
— Ace

Noah Pollak tossed out this term to describe Hamas' apologists. Like LadyHumps or London Bridge, I didn't know exactly what it meant, but I knew it meant something, and I liked it.

It occurred to me he might be using it in the way that it's used here -- "Get me a juicebox," from that Will Ferrel movie whose title escapes me -- implying that the moment Hamas demands that Klein, Yglesias, et al. fetch them a juicebox, they go and fetch them a frickin' juicebox.

Here's that clip. Mike Ditka here is actually playing Mike Ditka, whose doing Ferrel a favor by acting as his assistant coach.

I still think that's what it means. But My Pet Jawa thinks it has something to do with this Hamas supporter's placard, vowing, oddly enough, "Death to all Juice."

It occurs to me that I could resolve this rather easily by sending this guy an email, but, you know, I'm a blogger. I don't do reportage. I speculate. Even when actually getting the facts would take five minutes.

Okay, I will email him and find out. Just this once, and never again.

But it's worth the speculation just to note that in addition to dancing, homosexuality, rock music and the clitoris, the would-be global caliphate has also declared war on juice.

Not that it affects me. Atkins and all. But I don't want to live in a world where I can't drink a nice cool glass of Cran-Grape.

Thanks to either Duane or his wife (one of those joint email accounts). I would say his wife's name, but then I'd probably be outing them as a couple.

PS: This is a constant thing I have to consider -- how do I hat-tip people? By their real name?

If you send a tip, maybe tell me how you want to be referred to on the blog, if at all.

Oh-- and if you have a blog, please include it in the sig so I can h/t the blog! So many people have blogs now, but don't mention them in their emails.

More Obvious: He may just mean they are young and callow and filled with equal measures of youthful overconfidence and SunnyD.

Posted by: Ace at 12:16 PM | Comments (53)
Post contains 377 words, total size 3 kb.

1 I like to be referred to as "The Gangster of Love", but hardly anyone does.

Posted by: mojo at December 30, 2008 12:22 PM (g1cNf)

Some people call me Maurice.

Posted by: Lee at December 30, 2008 12:24 PM (TxTIh)

3 you can hat/tip me as "Yo Daddy"

do you have a hangover this morning Ace? you'd better!

NY Post reports that a record 57 hobos found slaughtered near Moronopalooza meetup.

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at December 30, 2008 12:25 PM (5zHRC)

4 I thought it was just a dig at Klein, Yglesias, et al.'s youth and immaturity (e.g., one pundit always uses the epithet "the youthful Ezra Klein').

Posted by: Crabapple at December 30, 2008 12:30 PM (OmZOU)

Ace, if I ever send you a tip, don't use my real name.

Oh wait, this is my real name.

OK never mind.

Posted by: Harry at December 30, 2008 12:31 PM (AJPnu)

6 As long as you don't call me "Dude", it's all good.

Posted by: MCPO Airdale at December 30, 2008 12:31 PM (wba6w)

7 Death to all juice ........ wasn't that a line in Scarface ?

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at December 30, 2008 12:34 PM (d0YiG)

8 What about "Duder" or "His Dudeness" or "El Duderino" if you're not into that whole brevity thing?

Posted by: Steve Skubinna at December 30, 2008 12:35 PM (Vcyz0)

9 My secret code name for tips is "not-eman".

Posted by: eman at December 30, 2008 12:35 PM (O8KSM)

10 I think it's picking up on mafia combinations like "Cashmere Mafia," a closeknit group with a singular overwhelming characteristic interest--here, "juicebox," the interest of any gaggle of kindergartners. So, like #4 Crabapple says, it's playing on their childishness.

Posted by: m at December 30, 2008 12:36 PM (qeIFe)

War on the clitoris?

Isn't is widely acknowledged as a mythical, parasitic appendage in patriarchal circles?

Posted by: kevlarchick at December 30, 2008 12:39 PM (TNuqz)

12 So, that would make us the "moron mafia"

Posted by: JayC at December 30, 2008 12:39 PM (5e7C3)

13 I would venture to say it is less about childishness and more about immaturity.

Posted by: huerfano at December 30, 2008 12:39 PM (knHvu)

14 ". . . if you're not into that whole brevity thing?"

No, I like brevity. You can call me, "Master Chief".

Posted by: MCPO Airdale at December 30, 2008 12:41 PM (wba6w)

War on the clitoris? Isn't is widely acknowledged as a mythical, parasitic appendage in patriarchal circles? Posted by: kevlarchick

Like Brigadoon, it appears only once every hundred years, but men aren't interested in movie musicals either.

Posted by: huerfano at December 30, 2008 12:43 PM (knHvu)

16 12 So, that would make us the "moron mafia"

Posted by: JayC at December 30, 2008 05:39 PM (5e7C3)

excellent, I second that nomination....

Moron Mafia... as long as I get to play Micheal...

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at December 30, 2008 12:47 PM (5zHRC)

17 I don't care what you call me, just don't use "hat tip" anymore. It pains me. Which makes me angry.

You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at December 30, 2008 12:59 PM (uJbNz)

18 I agree...Death To All Juice! Well, prune juice, at least.

Posted by: Eric at December 30, 2008 01:00 PM (quZLX)

Yep, like the others, I'm guessing it's a snide reference to their immaturity, thuggishness, and lack of mental prowess.

These people typically try get their way by banging their spoons on their highchairs. (h/t Jonah Goldberg)

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at December 30, 2008 01:00 PM (WZWmk)

20 Moron Mafia... as long as I get to play Micheal...

Well obviously Ace is Michael.

Jack M. is Sonny, I'll be generous and let Dave be Tom Hagan, Lauraw is Connie and Gabe can be Fredo.

Wow, that's a little scary how that worked out.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 30, 2008 01:00 PM (hlYel)

Moron Mafia... as long as I get to play Micheal...

I call dibs on Sonny!!!!

No, wait...

Posted by: Circa (Insert Year Here) at December 30, 2008 01:00 PM (B+qrE)

"Some people call me Maurice."

I can call you Betty, and Betty when you call me, you can call me Al.

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at December 30, 2008 01:01 PM (WZWmk)

23 Ace would be the Original Godfather... OG Babay... he would be Brando/De niro

they all die eventually... like good mobsters.

Posted by: Kaptain Amerika at December 30, 2008 01:04 PM (5zHRC)

24 Call me Anytime

Posted by: Blondie at December 30, 2008 01:05 PM (R71L5)

25 My name might be spelled 'Luxury Yach' but it's pronounced, 'Throat Warbler Mangrove'

Posted by: Luxury Yach at December 30, 2008 01:09 PM (MqD7D)

26 I love it when the comment threads rise to the quality level of Ace's posts.

Bonus.

Posted by: Christopher Calandro at December 30, 2008 01:12 PM (Yb+tV)

27 i would like to be referred to as "gentle glory" please.

Posted by: nutley gender at December 30, 2008 01:15 PM (Hlrwj)

28 There are some that call me....."Tim"...I mean, "Hog".

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 30, 2008 01:18 PM (LVT6e)

29 I believe we've established that y'all can call me Her Royal Majesty. She Who Must Be Obeyed works as well.

I prefer Moron Horde. For the Horde!

Posted by: alexthechick at December 30, 2008 01:34 PM (xUOXi)

30 Alex,
I thought you were the beautiful and evil Ice Princess.

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 30, 2008 01:40 PM (LVT6e)

31
I prefer Moron Horde. For the Horde!

Name.
Motto.
Theme Song?

Posted by: WonderWartHog at December 30, 2008 01:43 PM (LVT6e)

32 FWIW the movie is "Kicking and Screaming."

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at December 30, 2008 01:46 PM (R7LgM)

33 Now go home and get your fuckin' shinebox juicebox.

Posted by: Billy Batts at December 30, 2008 01:47 PM (3Bqev)

34 Call me anything you want, just don't cal lme late for dinner.

Posted by: wiserbud at December 30, 2008 01:50 PM (EW49d)

35
You know, the Juice picture looks like it was taken a the exact moment someone off camera was telling Mr Hate Juice what a knucklehead he is while the guy behind him was trying to take the sign away to prevent just this sort of embarrassment.

Posted by: jdm at December 30, 2008 01:51 PM (Uqwv1)

36 I'll call Alex anything She wants.

Posted by: sickinmass at December 30, 2008 01:52 PM (/i4dU)

37 Just so I get it right, which direction do I face when I'm grovelling for Alex again?

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 30, 2008 01:57 PM (M+Vfm)

38 Psst: Uncle Facts...Thanks for the sentiments on another thread..

Posted by: sickinmass at December 30, 2008 02:08 PM (/i4dU)

39 which direction do I face when I'm grovelling for Alex again?

East, Her Divine Gloriousness is always toward the rising moon

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2008 02:24 PM (PD1tk)

40 33: Excellent reference!!!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at December 30, 2008 02:46 PM (9Cooa)

41 You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Hell, I don't like ya now.
(Couldn't pass it up)

Posted by: mojo at December 30, 2008 03:21 PM (3+zaH)

42 psst: sickinmass you bet.

Posted by: Unclefacts at December 30, 2008 03:21 PM (M+Vfm)

43 I took the Juice Box Mafia to mean those he was referring to were a bunch of prepubescent twerps.

Ezra Klein? What's he, 17? Someone actually pays that schmuck to write?

Posted by: JWF at December 30, 2008 03:39 PM (29kbu)

44 Will Ferrel movie whose title escapes me That's somewhat redundant. Will Ferrel is yet another example of the famed Saturday Night Live "F" Curse - Whenever SNL hires a regular cast member or writer whose last name begins with the letter "F", they always wind up being the least funny members of the cast. So far, there's not a single exception to the rule.

Posted by: gmsc at December 30, 2008 03:40 PM (AMrHH)

45 Ace: Not that it affects me. Atkins and all. I do a high saturated fat version of a lowish carb diet. Atkins seems to be everywhere ....

Posted by: Last Minute Moron at December 30, 2008 05:09 PM (leMRM)

I like juicebox mafia. You don't have to know what it means. You just know it's funny, clever, insulting, and yet also accurate, whatever the hell it is. And you just pick any of 5 interpretations or whatever.

My favorite is da Ditka interpretation. But I got to give it to the Death to (zionist) Juice guy, that is one damn angry jihadi.

There's a small (zionist) there added in parenthesis, like as an afterthought.

Like his buddy Hareem was like "Aw man, all the juice?"

Jalid: No no, of course not, I mean the zionist juice.

Hareem: Oh, oh yes, of course, the zionist juice. You should put that on the sign. You know I thought you meant you wanted to bring death to mango juice, I was like, 'aw man, I like mango juice'.

Jalid: No no, I like it too, mango juice is halel. Insh'allah, there will be mango juice at the protest.

BUT NO GODDAMN APEMONKEY JEW STRAWBERRY JUICE!

Posted by: Entropy at December 30, 2008 06:13 PM (cok/k)

47 I prefer Moron Horde. For the Horde!

Moron Alliance. For the Alliance!

Posted by: Xoxotl at December 30, 2008 07:22 PM (FrV/a)

>> Dave be Tom Hagan

I'm not a wartime consigliere.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 31, 2008 04:57 AM (VEBC3)

At Contentions, Vail Beach commented:

"I cant find references to the Juicebox Mafia anywhere. Who named it? Who is a member of it? Brilliant name if it means what I think it means blog and low-paid pundits for prestige opinion journals who are too young to be aware that they lack any sense of history, i.e., they were drinking from juice boxes when XYZ historical event happened so they have no frame of reference and havent acquired one during their PC-contaminated educations."

Noah Pollak replied:

"Vail Beach credit for juicebox mafia goes to my good friend Eli Lake. He is brilliant at coining such phrases. And it means exactly what you said it means, except that FireDogLake and the American Prospect are not prestige opinion journals. The phrase mostly speaks about immaturity, ignorance, and parochialism. These guys are coffee-shop pundits."

Posted by: Karl at December 31, 2008 05:43 AM (JEMD+)

"Death to all juice."

OMFG I don't know whether to laugh or to cry.

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