Ace of Spades HQ

February 27, 2007

The Dick Cheney Vengeance Thread
— Ace

How will he respond? Speculate here.

BTW, thanks to the many, many, many people who've sent me that over the past year. Or two. Sorry for not thanking you at the time-- but I get that tip about once a week. It is, as Dave says, quite old. But funny.

Posted by: Ace at 02:39 PM | Comments (47)
Post contains 60 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Of course, it's missing the obvious.

Cheney's cock kills you with telekinesis.

Posted by: mesablue at February 27, 2007 02:43 PM (DzeyU)

2 Bullshit list, no Force Lightning, everyone knows thats Cheney's first method of dispatching inconveniences...

Posted by: Sinistar at February 27, 2007 02:45 PM (oHd6r)

3 He's gonna have the Navy stick a cruise missle up Gleen Greenwald's ass and order them to launch.

Posted by: Mark at February 27, 2007 02:48 PM (UAyuI)

4 Hurricane!

Posted by: Judd at February 27, 2007 02:52 PM (K92ee)

5 He might ream Drew Barrymore until she really can cause fires to start.
I'm pretty sure that could happen.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at February 27, 2007 02:54 PM (f9DT5)

6 He'll kill you like a 70 year old retired marine on vacation.

Posted by: at February 27, 2007 02:56 PM (zjWeF)

7 He'll send in the terrible Clown Army.

Wait,whats that...CLONE army you say? Hmm...what the fuck, I don't know that sounds gay if you ask me, but whatever.

Posted by: Max Power at February 27, 2007 03:00 PM (q177U)

8 Don't forget that Cheney will shoot you in the face with a shotgun.

Remember that, wingnuts?

Yeah, you remember when Dick shot that elderly man in the face. Friendly hunting accident, indeed. More like the most dangerous game.

Posted by: stupid typical fucking moonbat at February 27, 2007 03:09 PM (CQZcX)

9 Mr Dick Cheney don't gotta get overly clever for them dickheads. He'll just grab his shotgun, get on a horse, and hunt the Hindu Kush for a week or two. Then maybe a long weekend in the Bekaa Valley.

Posted by: Alear at February 27, 2007 03:12 PM (6ey2X)

10 He will just shoot the terrorists when he sees the whites of Nancy Pelosi's eyes. So, basically a non-stop shoot out, as blinking is not on the Dem's agenda.

Posted by: Stormy70 at February 27, 2007 03:15 PM (7WJsV)

Which begs the question: Which is the most powerful force in this universe?

1. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

2. Dick Cheney's cock.

3. John Bolton's mustache.

They can't all THREE rule, can they?

....P.S. Girlfriend says I'm leaving out Bruce Lee's nunchuks.

Posted by: otcconan at February 27, 2007 03:19 PM (SOraF)

12 LOL, Stormy.
The whites of Nancy Pelosi's eyes... HA.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at February 27, 2007 03:20 PM (f9DT5)

13 Focused Global Warming

Posted by: Uniball at February 27, 2007 03:23 PM (27iEn)

14 Actually, there will be no revenge. Cheney thought the noise was simply another Cheney Worshipper spontaneously exploding in sheer awe at his presence. Nothing to see here, watch the greasy spot, move along...

Posted by: Smugly Simple at February 27, 2007 03:27 PM (41Dd+)

15 The weird thing is the "suicide bomber" blew up as he was frantically running away after shaking hands with Dick Cheney.

Telekinesis seems too obvious. We know the military is perfecting pulse firable gigawatt lasers, perhaps Cheney had one of his Terminator eyes replaced with nano version? Maybe a micro JDAM guided to anyone unfortunate enough to come under Cheney's glare?

Too fruity. I reckon Dick just dropped a live grenade down the bagger's pants and kicked his ass back towards the dark skinned folks gathered out back.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at February 27, 2007 03:30 PM (+Ccrm)

16. ....Telekinesis seems too obvious....

All those who believe in telekinesis....raise my hand!

Posted by: Petroleum Distillate at February 27, 2007 03:35 PM (41Dd+)

17 I hope he doesn't roll me in broken glass shards and strychnine-soaked nails again.

Delegate, Dick. Delegate.

Posted by: Dick Cheney's Cock at February 27, 2007 03:48 PM (NR+cU)

18 Three things you never do:

1. Tug on Superman's Cape
2. Sass Detective Joe Friday
3. Challenge Dick Cheney's Cock

Posted by: Grouper at February 27, 2007 03:51 PM (HA5mS)

19 I hope he doesn't roll me in broken glass shards and strychnine-soaked nails again.

I had to think about that one for a second.

Posted by: Max Power at February 27, 2007 03:52 PM (q177U)

20 However he decides to do you, you'll never see or it hear it coming. You'll just be dead.

Unless of course, he just wounds you like the guy he shot. Then it's to send a message that no one, no one, fucks with Dick Cheney.

Posted by: Drew at February 27, 2007 04:06 PM (gNyUT)

21 Cheney will throw a gold-plated lower jaw of Homo Sapiens hoboensis like Oddjob and remove your head.

Posted by: eman at February 27, 2007 04:45 PM (FWrFx)

22 "....P.S. Girlfriend says I'm leaving out Bruce Lee's nunchuks.
Posted by otcconan at February 27, 2007 08:19 PM"

You let your girlfriend read ace of spades. Err, you let your girlfriend read your comments at ace spades?

Mine would go Dick Cheney on me.

Posted by: MlR at February 27, 2007 05:02 PM (Y/00e)

23 Fuckin' terrorists tried to kill me. I'm gonna have to open a big ole can of whoop-ass now.

Posted by: Dick Cheney's Cock at February 27, 2007 05:28 PM (95wu1)

24 I got nothing but 5th grader giggles from ya'll.

Thanks!!

Posted by: Ruth at February 27, 2007 05:28 PM (DTwYZ)

25 I mean, I'm the one giggling like a 5th grader...

oh, nevermind.

Posted by: Ruth at February 27, 2007 05:30 PM (DTwYZ)

26 Hey whats the sign language for AL GORE ISAHYPOTCRITICAN GREEN NUT CASE?

Posted by: spurwing plover at February 27, 2007 05:54 PM (0Wk0b)

'Which begs the question: Which is the most powerful force in this universe?

1. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick.

2. Dick Cheney's cock.

3. John Bolton's mustache.

They can't all THREE rule, can they?'

They are all the same, Grasshopper.

Posted by: durand at February 27, 2007 05:56 PM (KG40R)

28 Lightning bolt! Lightning bolt!

Posted by: Gromulin at February 27, 2007 06:06 PM (rLVDu)

29 Dick Cheney is not Made Out Of Meat.

Posted by: Rotund at February 27, 2007 06:32 PM (41Dd+)

30 THE VULCAN NECK, PINCH THE VULCAN DEATH GRIP, TAL SHIA, AHN WHOON.

Posted by: spurwing plover at February 27, 2007 07:49 PM (aoHRB)

31 "I accept the Republican Party's nomination for president."

Posted by: sandy burger at February 27, 2007 08:54 PM (cOUw0)

32 They left out "cockpunching."

Posted by: marchand chronicles at February 27, 2007 11:02 PM (QhAGc)

33 Two words: Taliban Techron.

Posted by: sandy burger at February 27, 2007 11:25 PM (cOUw0)

34 I have it on good authority that this is how Dick Cheney spent his evening:

In a secret underground bunker in an undisclosed location, Dick Cheney lowered a bucket of lotion down a well.

"You know what I'm gonna do to them, Osama? Well, DO YOU?"

At the bottom of the well, Osama bin Laden began wimpering.

"Nothing. Nothing... yet. No, I'm gonna give them time. Time to sweat. Time to fear. Time... to become complacent. Time to think that maybe, just maybe, they got away with it. And then..."

Dick Cheney sneered. Then smiled. Then began to chuckle, then to laugh, louder and louder. At the bottom of the well, in the darkness, Osama bin Laden began to sob, then to scream. Dick Cheney's roars of laughter and Osama bin Laden's screams of terror rose to a terrible crescendo which echoed through the concrete bunker, late into the night...

Posted by: sandy burger at February 27, 2007 11:49 PM (cOUw0)

35 Guys, I'm looking through a crystal ball here, and it looks like Dick Cheney just jumped into the Astral Plane and fed that suicide bomber's spirit to his own 72 virgins.

And now Cheney and the virgins are...oh, dear!

Posted by: See-Dubya at February 28, 2007 12:45 AM (yCDdi)

36 How will he respond? Speculate here.

To an attack planned in Afghanistan by militants supported by Pakistani intelligence and funded by Saudi Arabia ?
Nothing involving recriminations for those two sponsors, same as last tim, would be the obvious answer.

Posted by: Tank at February 28, 2007 01:20 AM (aOeXm)

I think this guy who appears to hate Cheney wins

http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/2007/02/welcome-to-combat-dick-cheney-oh-dick.html

Nah. Chances are, for you, Dick Cheney, it all just gave you a massive erection and you wondered if Hamid Karzai could spare a boy or two for the afternoon.

Posted by: Veeshir at February 28, 2007 05:12 AM (ThMnZ)

38 I'd wonder if Chayes was working with Michael Scheuer during the invasion with the Green Berets rural pacification program in Afghanistan and if she was really that mad about the cash getting cut off that she'd tell her pals in the South, where she considers herself an Afghani, that they should start the insurgency against NATO and, if she really is CIA, why train the troops too?

Killing Dick is a real bad idea considering that everyone is so close pals and Dick is Bush' protection.

http://www.andover.edu/about_andover/notable_alums.htm

http://www.law.harvard.edu/ils/resources/fellowships/chayes_international_public_service_fellowship/Chayes_FAQS.php

Then there's Shayes and PC and Ames, and Howard, and Plame, and Joe, and, of course; the Fiji coup.................

Posted by: at February 28, 2007 05:30 AM (fVMZm)

39 My favorite is "Raining blows down upon you."

Almost poetic.

Posted by: The Colossus at February 28, 2007 08:33 AM (7aAt8)

40 The Telekinesis is my favorite. It just gives the "Darth Cheney" facade that the left has given him a more appealing nature.

Posted by: Seferas-H. at February 28, 2007 10:35 AM (fdeNn)

41 whoops. there goes Iowa.

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