September 30, 2006
— Ace Or I'll call in a few favors and you'll end up like that guy who draws Ziggy.
Who is that?
Exactly.
Apparently, I am going to have to up my game as my poetry doesn't seem to be the key to MKH's much contested heart. After all, she never featured a verse from "She Blogs with Elemental Fury" on her main site, did she?
Check out the latest attempt to win her fair hand by my new arch-enemy, Chris Muir:
Have you ever seen such blatant pandering or fawning in your life? It's disgusting, I tell you! No man with any measure of self-respect would engage in such a demeaning and pathetic approach...
Oh.
Anyway, since Malkin's fauxtos have been a HOT topic around here, I figured I'd post this as an extension of those comments.
And the fact that it's likely going to piss off Rho?
Didn't factor into my thinking at all.
Posted by: Ace at
04:58 PM
| Comments (96)
Post contains 168 words, total size 1 kb.
This particular one is real-time funny, and its twist is delicious.
-Steve
Posted by: Steve at September 30, 2006 05:02 PM (6drOH)
Posted by: Muir of a man than U at September 30, 2006 05:04 PM (iRvBW)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 05:17 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 05:18 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 05:19 PM (tDAyS)
Posted by: moviegique at September 30, 2006 05:20 PM (1y5Vr)
The "blue stripe" is supposed to be a flat panel monitor. That's MY story & I'm sticking to it...
Posted by: Jaimo at September 30, 2006 05:23 PM (iRvBW)
There are only three men in the world who I fear could steal my intended away from me:
1) Tom Selleck
2) My new arch-enemy, Chris Muir and
3) You.
So, really, if I resort to violence, it will only be to protect my conservagoddess from being "broken".
Although I'm pretty sure she packs heat, so she can probably fend for herself.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 05:24 PM (Jb1EJ)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 05:26 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 05:27 PM (tDAyS)
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 05:30 PM (Jb1EJ)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 05:33 PM (tDAyS)
*touch*
*touch*
*touch*
hahahaha, I think I'm funny.
*touch*
Next?
is the college football pool, after that?
bring it.
But not too hard, I bruise easily, and the hoagie place closed before I got there, and . . .
Well.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 05:34 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 05:54 PM (tDAyS)
I'm a coldcuts-o-phobe. when johny gets all "don't you" on people, I am only willing to eat BLT's cuz my favorite turkey, is tainted with the hate that johnny has for everything.
Okay, I'm a coldcuts-o-phobe. The last was all false bravado, but. . . .
can I have the hoagie?
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 05:55 PM (QTv8u)
I understood the first part, about touching the Hoagie. And that is scary enough. If you start understanding what Pinto says, chances are that you have already OD'd on the Meth.
Posted by: Tushar D at September 30, 2006 05:55 PM (9ULFg)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:00 PM (tDAyS)
I'm relatively new compared to a lot of people, and I LOVED that guest post. Obviously so did Ace, he reposted at least 2 more times.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:02 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:07 PM (tDAyS)
Thats what the hoagie joke is.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:11 PM (QTv8u)
If you take one step closer to me, you fucking gelding, I'm gonna make you wish you were a pretty little filly at a Kentucky Derby stud farm.
But PattyAnn? You can come and sit right be me all you like, provided you shut the hell up, keep my drink refreshed, and finish off the football game I'm watching with a nice warm and sloppy.
Posted by: Johnny M. Coldcuts at September 30, 2006 06:14 PM (Jb1EJ)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:18 PM (QTv8u)
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
*touch**touch*
SUCK IT!!!
*runs like a little bitch!*
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:19 PM (QTv8u)
Johnny used to make a lot of appearances around here, until he was retired by Ace. Somewhere in the archives is a hilarious "American Idol" skit Ace wrote with Johnny, a sex-starved character named Geoffrey the Duck, and a closeted Simon Cowell as judges that would be worth reading if you could find it.
He was, um, "unretired", by a guest blogger of questionable judgment (who may or may not be me) who always had a soft spot for that character and thought he deserved another turn in the spotlight.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:21 PM (Jb1EJ)
Find some other sucker--literally.
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:25 PM (tDAyS)
Thanks Jack, but doesn't johnny like mimicing the flavor of that particular post, the fucking hoagie kills me.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:26 PM (QTv8u)
Plus Johnny pretty much has universal disdain for everyone. Giamboni pretty much just suffers from 'roid rage.
But they would both sucker punch you and take your wallet if you gave them a chance.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:31 PM (Jb1EJ)
PattyAnn...please bring some normalcy back! I'm begging you!
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:33 PM (Jb1EJ)
I can't link directly to the geoffrey post cuz of NUMBERS!!!! as in Three, and six and three.
but just do a site search for geoffrey.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:35 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:36 PM (tDAyS)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:38 PM (QTv8u)
If I have to stay here and keep talking to you and Wickedpinto to spare you exposure to that wretched hive of scum and villainry, I will make that sacrifice.
I'm just that much of a gentleman.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:39 PM (Jb1EJ)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at September 30, 2006 06:42 PM (2wFyF)
Jack, thanks for staying to keep us entertained.
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:43 PM (tDAyS)
Plus, Wickedpinto keeps insinuating that he wants to touch my hoagie...and that creeps me out.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:49 PM (Jb1EJ)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:54 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:54 PM (QTv8u)
WP, you know that was an empty threat on my part.
I think I'm going to go play some Euchre. See y'all tomorrow.
Someone please let me know if that is really a flat screen monitor emerging from MKH's chest.
Posted by: PattyAnn at September 30, 2006 06:55 PM (tDAyS)
Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2006 06:56 PM (LPlsm)
Pete HATED that.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 06:56 PM (QTv8u)
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 06:57 PM (Jb1EJ)
And I just realized how gay that was, cuz, I basicaly just said that johnny is good in my mouth.
I need a shower.
But I won't shower, for another 2 days, cuz thats just how manly I am.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 07:00 PM (QTv8u)
When you are young, and promiscuous, and hoping to die in service (we were all "ALL MARINE" at the time) social norms don't apply.
**post slightly trimmed here by lauraw**
3 of us were nailing chicks talking about their nether grooming, without any concern, as though we were discussing the morning headlines.
Welcome to the world of a 20 year old Marine.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at September 30, 2006 07:06 PM (QTv8u)
Not sure which is worse, picturing that, or all this talk about trying to touch Jack's hoagie.
Posted by: Watcher at September 30, 2006 08:41 PM (tg3Hv)
Posted by: OregonMuse at September 30, 2006 09:35 PM (ICv7V)
Not exactly an endorsement of the types of articles and comments that are way too frequent on this blog and others. Think about it.
Posted by: at September 30, 2006 10:33 PM (HgLZJ)
I really didn't see anywhere the joke could go from here. And Muir's strip seemed like the perfect way to wrap the whole thing up. It was just going to fade into nothingness with nary a reference again.
But, you know, I really hate the moral vanity exhibited in the presumption made within your post. In your haste to establish a "teachable moment" you of course felt it necessary to assume the worst, as evidenced by your admonition to "think about it".
Did you ever consider the possibility that I had "cleared" this "blog flirt" theme with MKH to ensure she was comfortable with it?
Because, after all, that would have been a decent thing for me to do. So I did that very thing. And she was fine with it, and thought it was all in good fun. A conservative woman with a sense of humor. Who would have thunk it?
But to make any sort of "positive" assumption would have robbed you of your opportunity to engage in a "teachable moment". So you couldn't do that.
But now? Maybe I'll just become the biggest blog flirt in all of blogdom. MKH, Malkin, Bethany @ Realverse, Pamela at Atlas Shrugs, Ann Coulter, Peggy Noonan...why there's a whole universe of dextrosphere women I can humiliate and degrade by posting a couple of "flirt" posts about.
So consider your teachable moment a success. You've opened my eyes to a whole new world of possibilities!
And for that I thank you.
Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 11:30 PM (Jb1EJ)
Please don't.
Posted by: rho at October 01, 2006 03:22 AM (aLDBr)
What is with your beef against Jack M and the rest of the guest bloggers? Is it that you lust for Ace only, and nobody else can satisfy your craving? Or is that you just don't like Jack M?
Enquiring minds want to know
Posted by: Mr Minority at October 01, 2006 04:53 AM (gwfvN)
Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2006 04:57 AM (6YRS5)
Posted by: JackStraw at October 01, 2006 05:22 AM (rnOZq)
Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2006 05:37 AM (6YRS5)
I don't know what she looks like, or anything, but she's got a foul mouth, and that's kinda hot, huh...
Posted by: chip at October 01, 2006 05:55 AM (pvPyL)
Mostly just Jack M. and his permavirgin front page games. Allah can cleverly weave his fanboism of What's-her-face, the Democrat flack, into his posts and that's okay because he does it well. The other guest bloggers are mostly okay. I'm warming up to AndrewR quite well. Even most of Jack M.'s posts are fine AoS fare, but I wish he'd exercise a little restraint. Since he's demonstrated a complete lack of control, it's hilarious to provoke him.
I also have a problem with Wickedpinto and how he turns nearly every comment thread into the Wickedpinto Show, but I don't want to antagonize him, 'cause he'll bury me with a thousand and one posts trying to be funny. Nobody wants that.
Posted by: rho at October 01, 2006 06:16 AM (aLDBr)
Posted by: SGT Hulka at October 01, 2006 06:24 AM (PcDvW)
So you are basically trolling and provoking because of your dislike of Jack M.
I see Jack's pseudo infatuation of MKH as humorous, not the ranting of a
"permavirgin". I come her to read the wicked satire, the schoolboy
sexual innuendos along with the serious issues. But if I don't like what I see
posted, I don't read it, not troll for negative reactions. Rho, you are an
enabler, you are pushing for these kinds of posts, don't comment, and they may
fade away. If you are provoking Jack for the drama, then you are getting your
wish. But if you are doing it out of spite, then why don't you find something
better to do. This site is averaging 24,000 hits/day this week, if Ace loses 1
or 2 readers, I don't believe they will be missed.
(Notice: I don't not speak for Ace or Jack M, I am speaking just as a daily
reader)
Posted by: Mr Minority at October 01, 2006 06:56 AM (gwfvN)
Posted by: Slublog at October 01, 2006 07:04 AM (gLQ9D)
An inexcusable omission from the "I'd hit it" list, in my humble opinion. For shame, Jack.
Posted by: Michael at October 01, 2006 07:34 AM (LPlsm)
As established by the football pick threads, she's Johnny M. Coldcuts' main squeeze.
And I ain't gonna risk messing with Johnny M. Coldcuts' girl.
Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2006 08:56 AM (Jb1EJ)
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats"
--H.L. Mencken
Posted by: franksalterego at October 01, 2006 09:30 AM (AW4zN)
Yeah, that's exactly what I said. Read it again, Corky. I don't like Jack M's pseudo-stalker routine, but most of the rest of his stuff is fine. I wind him up because he's easily wound. I have a hard time generating a genuine dislike for somebody I've never met.
If Jack M. thinks his infatuation is so entertaining, he can start his own blog about it. He won't, because it isn't, and I think he recognized this since he claims that this was going to be his last leg-hump post. Me, I don't think it's coincidental that it comes right after I licked my palm and smacked his ass rosy red. I'm sure he'll deny any influence.
Anyway, it would cost ace.mu.nu nothing for Jack M. to stop treating the site like it was his MySpace page. However, if he continued, it would cost AoS a reader, and an awful lot of the guest bloggers are okay with that. It probably has something to do with the way they think that since the site is free, they have no or little responsibility. That's a guess.
(It wouldn't actually cost the site a reader, because I'm not twelve and have no plans to stomp off in a tiff. Being right has many benefits, self-assuredness being just one.)
Posted by: rho at October 01, 2006 12:39 PM (aLDBr)
It's a bad guess, Rho.
When the IB crew is guest-blogging here, I check the traffic stats every day to see if we are maintaining Ace's numbers. Sometimes I even look at the hourly stats if I'm trying to decide whether I feel like posting. I think about the balance between humor and news. I think about the dead times when Ace and the other bloggers are ordinarily inactive (typically mornings), and try to compensate with some content, even if its just a lame video that will be there when people get to work and check in.
My impression is that most of the other guest bloggers are doing the same thing.
As Jack pointed out already, it's Ace's audience and we're not Ace. We're just trying to help out.
Maybe you should lighten up.
Posted by: Michael at October 01, 2006 03:43 PM (LPlsm)
I didn't think the "smoothie" bit was all that bad really, but it is explicit, and definately unnecessary.
Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 01, 2006 09:38 PM (QTv8u)
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