Ace of Spades HQ

February 28, 2006

Scared Stewardress Causes Panic By Screaming "We're Going To Crash"
— Ace

A stewardess caused panic by repeatedly screaming "We're going to crash" when a packed plane hit turbulance.
The Virgin flight hit bad weather three hours into a journey from Gatwick to Las Vegas.
Some passengers were sick and others thrown from their seats as luggage, drinks and trays were tossed around.
...
And their ordeal was intensified by the screaming stewardess.
Passenger Paul Gibson told The Daily Mirror: "She began screaming every time the plane shook.
"She shouted at the top of her voice, 'We're going to crash! We're going to crash! We're going to crash!"
The un-named woman - in her mid 20s - also lobbed sick bags across the cabin when poorly [feeling] passengers screamed for more.

Top Ten Things You Don't Want To Hear From Your Flight Crew

10. "Your choice of dinner is beef stroganoff or vegetarian burrito. I'd recommend that burrito; you don't want any of that 'bad energy' of animal murder when we die in a flaming holocaust of twist metal. Which we'll be doing in (checks watch) about five minutes now. Fresca?"

9. "Joining us in the cockpit is our special celebrity pilot, Mr. Billy Joel. He doesn't have his license yet, but he'll be ably assisted by celebrity copilots Nick Nolte and Naomi Campbell."

8. "This is the captain speaking... we're experiencing a slight bit of turbulence and complete structural failure. There's no reason to panic, but if you've never joined the mile club, now might a good time to make for the bathrooms."

7. "When will be landing? Errmm... define 'landing.' "

6. "Now might be a good time to review your in-flight instructions regarding the use of flotation devices. If your flotation device fails to inflate, remember that dead bodies float as well. Fortunately, the water should be lousy with them."

5. "On your right is Salt Lake City, and on the left is that little gremlin from The Twillight Zone, eatin' at our engine like Rosie O'Donnell at a Sizzler buffet."

4. "Hi, this is your captain speaking. Great news. We'll be making slight detour to everyone's favorite vacation getaway, Heaven."

3. "Take all the goddamned peanuts you like. Your goddamned peanuts and Doritos mix ain't gonna save you, that's for sure."

2. "Little fun-fact about the Boeing 747: None have ever hit a mountain straight-on. So we're all about to make a little history here."

...and the Number One Thing You Don't Want To Hear From Your Flight Crew...

1. "Special treat for you all. We'll be running a special Kevin Costner marathon for your viewing pleasure-- Waterworld, For Love Of The Game, and the special four hour director's cut of The Postman."

Posted by: Ace at 09:21 PM | Comments (102)
Post contains 465 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Uh, Ace. Did you run out of room? You're missing the top 3?

Posted by: EXDemocrat at February 28, 2006 09:27 PM (kz2CH)

2 A spokesman for Virgin said no complaints had been received. "Turbulence can be a frightening ordeal," he added.

You can NOT make this shit up. Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

In a related story, some dork on the plane started shouting, "LIGHTNING BOLT, LIGHTNING BOLT!!!"

Posted by: at February 28, 2006 10:08 PM (r7nqq)

3 Damn, I hate it when I make a comment that's actually sort of amusing and I forget to write my name.

Posted by: CraigC at February 28, 2006 10:10 PM (r7nqq)

4 Ya hurt me bitch, time ta die! I think I ripped my stitches! Asshole!

Now, where was I ? Drop some, hurl two.

Posted by: forest hunter at February 28, 2006 10:43 PM (Fq6zR)

5 A friend of mine was taking a puddle-jumper flight from Denver to Souix City. During the pre-flight shpiel, the stew said, "In the event of a water landing... we're lost!"

Posted by: Cybrludite at March 01, 2006 12:22 AM (XFoEH)

6 Number five made me laugh so hard I spilled my coffee. Thanks a lot, Ace.

Posted by: at March 01, 2006 12:39 AM (oLehw)

7 I already hate to fly and now this...

Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 01:30 AM (n/PLG)

8 alessandra, I hate flying too. Been on one of those flights where drinks, stuff is flying and people are puking. NOT fun. My kids slept thru it. Wish I had been drunk on that one.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 01:33 AM (M8lyz)

9 Actually I think it's cute when passengers cheer and clap after a nice, smooth landing. Haven't seen this on big planes, but more than once on Easyjet flights.

Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 01:35 AM (n/PLG)

10 Been on one of those flights where drinks, stuff is flying and people are puking. NOT fun.

kevlarchick,

I can only imagine. I have never experienced real bad turbulence where stuff actually flies like that, just that unnerving medium turbulence that gets your paranoia going and doesn't let you concentrate on anything else.

Feel sorry for the gal though, she must have had a panic attack and those are also not fun.

Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 01:42 AM (n/PLG)

11 Smellin' a lot of Serenity comin' off this list...

---

Wash: "...this landing is going to get pretty interesting.

Mal: "Define 'interesting'."

Wash: "'Oh God, oh God, we're all gonna die!'"

---

Mal: "This is the captain. We have a little problem with our re-entry sequence, so we may experience some slight turbulence, and then, explode."

---

Mal: "Well, just get us on the ground."

Wash: "That part'll happen pretty definitely."

---

I suppose a certain amount of overlap is inevitable with crash-jokes, but the 'define _____' and 'captain speaking...experiencing slight (bit of) turbulence' did really kind of leap out at me.

Not that I need much excuse to drop quotes from the coolness that is Serenity...

Posted by: Browncoat Recruit at March 01, 2006 01:52 AM (VG5Rc)

12 I fly a lot for work even though I absolutely hate it. I now refer to the Valium prescript as my "happy flying pill".

Two years years ago I went from San Fran to Savannah on business. Smooth as glass from SFO to Atlanta, 3000 miles. On the last little leg from Atlanta to Savannah, couple hundred miles maybe, the smaller jet bounced, pitched and shook like hell. Flight attendants never got out of their seats, overhead bins popped open, kids crying, women screaming, the whole deal. I thought for sure we were going down.

If there was a service where they knock you out, wheel you onto the plane and revive you when you arrive at your destination, I could go for that.

Posted by: Log Cabin at March 01, 2006 01:59 AM (Vsh3q)

13 Log, I'm all for that. Put me in a parallel dimension prior to takeoff and wake me when we land. I'll be the best passenger ever.

For now, I have my friend Xanax.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 02:14 AM (M8lyz)

14 I was on a short flight back in the 70s, I think it was Piedmont when I looked out the window I saw the engine in flames. I called the stewardess pointed at the window and said "Look" she muttered under her breath "Shit" and walked to the front of the plane. I kept quiet and watched as the fire extinguishers fired off and the flames died down. The propeller stopped spinning with no notice from the other passengers. She came back and quietly thanked me and we flew to our destination with the three remaining engines. Shit happens.

Posted by: Mike at March 01, 2006 02:44 AM (WQJvM)

15 Ace,

"5. "On your right is Salt Lake City, and on the left is that little gremlin from The Twillight Zone, eatin' at our engine like Rosie O'Donnell at a Sizzler buffet."

LOL.

Really.

...

And yes, I fly over 100k miles per year (and have do so for the last 4 years).

There are times when you hit "rough air". One of the nicest things about flying United Air Lines is that on most flights you can listen to the flight deck comunications.

On one flight over the Rockies, we were getting bounced around severely, flight attendants in their seats, some of them with "white knuckles", no one spoke, abect fear on passengers faces.

Listening to the flight deck was something altogether different, "Denver, this is United 434, at 38,000 and experiencing moderate continuous chop. Any better at 39,000?"

No alarm.

No panic.

Just "moderate chop."

Looking for smoother air.

I love those guys.

Posted by: MTT at March 01, 2006 03:14 AM (/rmXR)

16 Well done Ace! Well done.

Mike, how did you not immediately freak, stand up on your seat, and scream, "The goddamned engine is on fucking fire!!!"? And all the stu muttered was shit. Way to stay cool.

I'd have been playing rubber lips like the kid in The Sandlot who was tied to the rope and hanging right in front of The Beast.

Posted by: compos mentis at March 01, 2006 03:29 AM (xHpUK)

17 Captain: Have a good day ma'am. Sorry for the rough landing today.

Old Lady: Excuse me Captain. Did we land or were we shot down?

Posted by: Nice Old Lady After Rough Landing at March 01, 2006 03:31 AM (pzen5)

18 Oh, and flying into New Orleans when the plane lands from the west is one of those times you don't want a window seat... You don't see anything but water & trees until the wheels touch down.

Posted by: Cybrludite at March 01, 2006 03:56 AM (XFoEH)

19 How the heck do you guys get prescripts for valium?? Years ago I had a doctor prescribe that for me for my back (which goes out about once or twice a year) and it worked so well! It actually made me stay in bed. (I have a need to get up and do things, which isn't good for a back problem) But it allowed me to do paperwork. (happily, I might add)

Well, I have not seen a doctor since then that will give it to me. They want to give me muscle relaxers which just knock me out and make me feel groggy when I wake up. I hate them! So now I just suffer for about a week.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at March 01, 2006 04:10 AM (t/SB8)

20 I was on a commuter prop plane to New York once that hit an air pocket and suddenly dropped about a zillion feet. The stewardess, who was sitting in the special little stewardess seat with no belt, went up in the air and landed on the handle of the door, turning it. I don't think there was much chance of it opening, but the look on her face was hilarious.

Dunno if he was funning us, but it didn't sound like it, when the captain on my first trans-Atlantic flight Came on the intercom and introduced himself as "Captain Booze."

Me, I'm a worshipper of the mad Arab, al Prazolam (known to you heretics as Xanax). I usually get one scrip a year from my GP, which does me fine and has done for years. This year, he declined and insisted I go see a shrink. So, what do you guys think I ought to go with here? Molested as a child? Car wreck? PTSD? I'll say anything I have to for the magic piece of paper.

Posted by: S. Weasel at March 01, 2006 04:17 AM (rasT+)

21 Tell him you read Ace of Spades. That oughta do it.

Posted by: Harry Callahan at March 01, 2006 04:22 AM (kxAC+)

22 Yes, I think being subjected to three Costner movies is probably more horrific than dying in a fiery crash. At least in the crash you only suffer for a few minutes.

Posted by: bcb0225 at March 01, 2006 04:24 AM (Z4MiQ)

23 This reminds me of something *I* always say during flights.

When the flight attendant says "In the event of an emergency landing, you may use the exits located next to the wings of the plane," I like to say "No thanks, I'll just exit out the big hole the crash makes."

Slays 'em every time.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 01, 2006 04:34 AM (y1hCN)

24 I was already uncomfortable when I took a Mexican charter to Cancun because of the preconceived notion that quality was not job one in Mexico. As we took off and the tip of the plane was about to become airborne, the pilot suddenly shut the airplane down and we eventually came to a screeching halt. The pilot taxied to the terminal and came on the speaker to tell us that a warning light had come on but they did not know why and they would have the mechanics check it out. We remained on the plane and in 20 minutes the pilot came back on and said in a Mexican accent:

We looked at the plane but we still don't know why the warning light came on but we will give the takeoff another shot.

That sobered me up immediately.

Posted by: roc ingersol at March 01, 2006 04:35 AM (m2CN7)

25 RWS, got a dog? Our vet prescribed it to knock out one of our dogs for the 4th of July, fireworks freak her out. Maybe you could invent a phobia for something that happens more frequently.

Posted by: scott at March 01, 2006 04:39 AM (wZLWV)

26 Never saw a Germlin, but did see an older Mig off the starbord wing as we crossed Cuba, one sunny Sunday morning. He was close enough to read some of the aircraft markings.

Posted by: Bill at March 01, 2006 04:48 AM (AXc/9)

27 Starboard, sorry. Somethings are worse than turbulence.

Posted by: Bill at March 01, 2006 04:51 AM (AXc/9)

28 kevlarchick: For now, I have my friend Xanax.

You know Xanax? That's my cousin!

Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue.

Posted by: Xoxotl at March 01, 2006 04:54 AM (Wsi7x)

29 We were on a very small plane about to leave San Juan airport....taxiing down the runway...then one of the other passengers yelled,

"Hey! Aren't you going to shut the door?" The few of us on the plane turned in our seats to notice that the door was indeed still open.

The plane stopped, the attendant slammed the door shut, and we resumed.

Posted by: lauraw at March 01, 2006 04:59 AM (J1iNG)

30 I hate flying. My wife and I flew to Texas a few years ago and took two flights. On the first, from San Antonio to Cinncinnati, the plane hit some turbulence as we were landing and we bumped the runway pretty good.

After a minor panic attack in the airport, I got onto the second plane. My wife told me to get some wine. Up to that point, I had no idea alcohol affects you more at altitude than it does on the ground.

When we landed in Manchester, I was humming happy songs.

Posted by: Slublog at March 01, 2006 05:02 AM (R8+nJ)

31 From a chain email full of funny airline stories:

A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it
reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an
announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is
your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, non-stop
from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and,
therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. So,
sit back and relax..................OH, MY GOD!" Silence
followed. After a few minutes, the captain came back on the
intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I
scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
attendant accidentally spilled hot coffee in my lap. You should
see the front of my pants!"

A passenger in Coach yelled out, "That's nothing. You should
see the back of mine!!"

Posted by: lauraw at March 01, 2006 05:07 AM (J1iNG)

32 Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd
like to thank you folks for flying with us today. And, the next
time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in
a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of US Airways."

Posted by: at March 01, 2006 05:08 AM (J1iNG)

33 I was actually in a a plane once that almost crashed due to a down-draft when we were trying to land Atlanta Hartsfield. The stewardessess were all crying and the pilot was barely able to get the plane up to flying speed after he aborted the take-off.

After we were back up in the air, the pilot came on the loudspeaker and said

"uh....(sob)....uh....(sob)...uh, we ran into just a little bit of...(sniff)....uh....severe wind shear back there and we're going to....(sob)...(sniff)...fly around a little while before we try and land again...(sob)."

Posted by: Reddish Jode at March 01, 2006 05:10 AM (KeOQp)

34 Aborted the landing I meant!

Posted by: Reddish Jode at March 01, 2006 05:11 AM (KeOQp)

35 All the engines have quit were over a stormy ocean and were all out of ice cream

Posted by: spurwing plover at March 01, 2006 05:18 AM (/4Knp)

36 After a very smooth flight, we landed rather roughly with the plane hitting the runway, becoming slightly airborne again and then hitting the runway again for our landing. After we started to taxi , the pilot came on the speaker to welcome us.

Thank you for flying with us. Our arrival time was 10:31....and 10:32. Enjoy you visit.

Posted by: roc ingersol at March 01, 2006 05:20 AM (m2CN7)

37 I kind of liked the Postman.

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at March 01, 2006 05:36 AM (7PPmX)

38 Rightwingsparkle,

It's called "doctor shopping". I hated to fly, actually had panic attacks before getting on the craft, and missed two business meetings due to chickening out before the flights. I went to my general practioner and told her I needed something. She suggested that I drink when I fly and wouldn't do anything. I suggested she go f*** herself and got a referral to a psychologist. The Psych also has a phobia of flying and Viola! I now have a small (emphasis on the small) valium prescription.

I go see this guy every few months to make sure I'm not an addict or using for recreation. I'm not. I only take em when I fly.

If your doc won't help you out with a real problem, change doctors. Of course, that will all change when Fuhrer Hilary imposes national health directive #1.

Posted by: Log Cabin at March 01, 2006 05:36 AM (Vsh3q)

39 As bad as flying can be in this country, it can be considerably worse abroad.

In 1976, I travelled through what was then Soviet Central Asia. Most of the travelling consisted of short hops on Aeroflot two-engine puddle-jumpers. So, for one flight I sit down in my seat and reach to buckle my seat belt, when I find that the buckle doesn't work: it was installed with two male couplings, and no female. Not exactly the tightest quality control by the manufacturer; but then, I'd seen Soviet factories, so I wasn't terribly surprised.

I had to choose, very quickly: whether I wanted to fly on that aircraft, or risk being stuck in the middle of Uzbekistan. I chose the plane, tied a knot in my belt, and hoped for the best; but I was very nervous on that flight.

Posted by: Brown Line at March 01, 2006 05:40 AM (VrNoa)

40 And once I was in a plane that crashed on this Island in the Pacific--and we were off course so they didn't find us. And I was there with a big fat guy that had one the lottery, a doctor with an authorty complex, a redneck with an attitude a hot chick who is was apparently some sort of criminal, and a former parapelligic who thought he was crocodille dundee. There were killer polar bears on the island, a tribe of secretive psycopahtic old hippies and some sort of black cloud that floated around killing stuff.

It was all pretty cool though till those assholes from the tail section showed up.

Posted by: Reddish Jode at March 01, 2006 05:47 AM (KeOQp)

41 1. "Special treat for you all. We'll be running a special Kevin Costner marathon for your viewing pleasure-- Waterworld, For Love Of The Game, and the special four hour director's cut of The Postman."

Now if they said 3 showings of "Homo on the Range," aka the Brokeback thing, then Laura and Ace would quiet down and get happy real quickly.

And ask for a fourth.

Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 05:52 AM (n/PLG)

42 This year, he declined and insisted I go see a shrink. So, what do you guys think I ought to go with here? Molested as a child? Car wreck? PTSD? I'll say anything I have to for the magic piece of paper.

Posted by S. Weasel at March 1, 2006 09:17 AM

Tell him you read Ace of Spades. That oughta do it. -- Harry Callahan

Funny! And so true.

Posted by: compos mentis at March 01, 2006 06:27 AM (xHpUK)

43 All the engines have quit
were over a stormy ocean
and
were all out of ice cream

"Hit it."

Anyway, "No Highway in the Sky" is a pretty good airplane-themed show. It's got Jimmy Stewart. And I generally enjoy flying, but I've never been on a really turbulent flight.

Posted by: Mrs. Peel at March 01, 2006 06:36 AM (l+FwE)

44 It's called "doctor shopping".

Call Rush, he'll give you some pointers. Although, these days, I'm suprised you have to "shop", usually they give the stuff out like candy.

What's the big fear of flying? Safer than driving down the street, it's just the novelty that makes people nervous. I've flown hundreds of thousands of miles, domestic and international, and the only time I was even remotely perturbed was on a Bulg-Air flight. The plane was an old Russian one, but that wasn't the scary thing. It was the very pale, dark haired stews with bright red lipstick on asking, in that Carpathian accent "vould you like some vine?"

Posted by: Larry the urbanite at March 01, 2006 06:44 AM (Lpswv)

45 What's the big fear of flying?

Enclosed spaces make me twitchy, then add in the whole pressurized steel tube 30,000 feet above the planet thing and I get just plain nervous.

Posted by: Slublog at March 01, 2006 06:52 AM (R8+nJ)

46 Well see Larry, they're called "irrational fears". i.e. not rational.

You don't have to explain them. They aren't. Rational.

Similar to leftist jackoffs who can't seem to get over Rush Limbaugh's substance abuse problems. Obsessing over that is Not Rational.

Klar?

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 06:53 AM (pzen5)

47 Enclosed place + people. If I get an aisle seat on a 757, I'm usually okay. If I get stuck in the middle of the middle in the back of a 747, witch oceans of humanity around me and no place to go, there's going to be trouble.

Trouble that vanishes like morning dew at the first bitter kiss of benzodiazapine.

Posted by: S. Weasel at March 01, 2006 06:57 AM (rasT+)

48 "Picking up some hull ionization. We're in for some chop."

Posted by: West at March 01, 2006 06:57 AM (Dwgiy)

49 I put in about 50-70k miles a year, big planes, puddle jumpers, and a private j. It doesn't bother me, but I certainly understand it bothers some.

Particularly the puddle hoppers in Texas summer. Lots of thermals, those little things bop and jump all over the place.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 07:02 AM (pzen5)

50 I practically grew up in planes and I loathe flying, same reasons as Slu: a little claustrophobic, a little afraid of plummeting and add in very tall and prone to motion sickness.

I have some flight stories that would put you off flying sober for the rest of your life, most of which end with me power hurling a crappy airport burger into a paper bag. I'll spare you folks.

Clonopin--big thumbs up!

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2006 07:08 AM (uSomN)

51 Dave in Texas: One comment and I'm obsessing? And, can't anyone take a joke these days? Since when has it been obsessive to make fun of a public figure who gets caught doing something wrong. It's a friggen' national pastime.

Besides, it's not actually the substance abuse I have a problem with. He wants to get hooked on a prescription med, his mistake. Even a lefty like me knows enough to stay away from the highly addictive stuff. It's the hypocrisy I mind. I'll not even bother linking to all the quotes he made regarding drug abuse and stiff penalties for drug abusers. He admits he had a problem, so if he's really as "law and order" and moral as he claims, he should plead guilty (to illegal doctor shopping) and take his slap on the wrist like a man, instead of wasting the gov'ts money to prosecute him.

Classic case of do as I say, not as I do. The difference is he is very vocal, a lot of people listen to him, and veiw him as a role model (just like sports figures).

Posted by: Larry the Urbanite at March 01, 2006 07:11 AM (Lpswv)

52 I try not to worry unless the flight attendants start to sing Nearer, My God, to Thee.

The worst flight of my life had nothing to do with turbulence, though. Some nitwit decided to sneak a pet boa constrictor on board. You guessed it, the darned thing got loose. I suppose in retrospect it was kind of funny to see a couple of hundred people unclasp their seatbelts and try to stand in their seats as though that would protect them. Suffice it to say, liquor sales shot up immediately once the initial screaming subsided.

Posted by: harmlesslittlefuzzball at March 01, 2006 07:20 AM (Loksm)

53 I offer that the number one reason: ...a Kevin Costner anything.... would actually be a tie with(in event of turbulence/screaming stew) the pilot announcing, "Allahu Ackbar!"

But, that`s just me................

Posted by: Colonel Jerry USMC(ret.) at March 01, 2006 07:23 AM (BJYNn)

54 Larry, please. I get my flying drugs with no problem, and I'm not a junkie. The doc just gives me 6-12 pills for the round trip.

Most phobias, like flying, are irrational. But they are real.

And don't be hijacking the thread.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 07:25 AM (Re5V/)

55 It's called "doctor shopping".
Call Rush, he'll give you some pointers.

Dang, Lar. That was really witty. Just bear in mind that all those folks that are laughing when you speak don't necessarily think it's your 'jokes' are what's most humorous about you.

After reading some of your posts around here, I'm sure it's attention that you crave. Even bad attention is preferable for you than being ignored. I have the same problem with my eight year old nephew. So behave yourself or I'll make you go outside and mow the grass or pick up dog poop, young man!

Posted by: at March 01, 2006 07:25 AM (Vsh3q)

56 Larry, seriously go fuck yourself. With you guys, it's always "the hypocrisy". That's so adolescent and so...hypocritical. What's more hypocritical than being a lefty and crying for other people to pay more taxes and shit?

Besides, Limbaugh was never much of a drug warrior from what I am told. It's not like Bill Bennett got hooked on dope. Sure, over 15 years the guy is going to have made some statements about drugs--hell, I inhaled all kinds of shit but get me started on crank and you'd think I was a Singapore narc or something.

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2006 07:27 AM (uSomN)

57 Log Cabin,

Thanks. I really wasn't trying to "score." Heh. Besides I really like my doctor.

I was on a small plane in Mexico once with about 10 people on board. The pilots could easily be seen through the open way. Suddenly a very loud alarm went off and they started yelling things in Spanish and the plane dipped. I couldn't understand a word but quickly looked at the Mexican passenger's faces to see if there was any panic since they understood what they were yelling. There wasn't.

The couple next to me just laughed at the look on my face.

Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at March 01, 2006 07:31 AM (t/SB8)

58 It's the hypocrisy I mind. I'll not even bother linking to all the quotes he made regarding drug abuse and stiff penalties for drug abusers.

Won't bother? Could it be because you haven't any? He's made some middling anti-drug statements, I assume, but Limbaugh isn't much of a social conservative in general. He's a pro business guy that usually keeps well away from the morals-and-vice stuff. I'm not a big fan, but I've heard a big enough sample to call bullshit.

Posted by: S. Weasel at March 01, 2006 07:36 AM (rasT+)

59 Sparkle, you know Mexicans don't value life. It's small wonder they chose a fiery grave to their mean, grubby existence in some Mexican dusthole.

Now, the ones who make it to the U.S. cling to life like Alec Baldwin to a donut wihich is why I prefer real duct tape to masking tape.

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2006 07:41 AM (uSomN)

60 "He's made some middling anti-drug statements"

s. weasal and spongeworthy: You asked for it.

Quotes at the bottom of this page:

http://www.rotten.com/library/bio/entertainers/pundits/rush-limbaugh/

Best one is the last one, where Rush says he's a big fan of the ACLU when they filed an amicus brief in his in his drug case. ROFLMAO

or this (Yeah, I know, it's FAIR, but the quotes are verbatim, in context, dated and numerous. )

http://www.fair.org/index.php?page=1159

Posted by: Larry the Urbanite at March 01, 2006 07:57 AM (Lpswv)

61 I'll not even bother linking to all the quotes he made regarding drug abuse and stiff penalties for drug abusers

Good. Cause that would be your third fucking comment on what amounts to OLD NEWS which is obsessive. You might need intervention at that point.

Fuck off.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 07:57 AM (IrB2Q)

62 ah, too late.

get help larry

jagoff

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 08:02 AM (IrB2Q)

63 Larry, babe.
People don't care anymore.
Let go.

Posted by: harrison at March 01, 2006 08:03 AM (ZBys+)

64 Wow, you sure showed us. Four anti-drug statements over a 25-year radio career.

I feel so humbled now.

Fuck.

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 01, 2006 08:05 AM (uSomN)

65 I was all set to apologize to Larry, but the first didn't contain any anti drug statements that I could find. Maybe they were in there, but it was a long ol' article and I didn't feel like reading the whole thing. The second...yeah. Hypocritical enough to be embarrassing, I suppose, but observing, for example, that somebody has ruined his life with drugs, or that the crime rate has gone down with tougher enforcement of drug laws, isn't logically incompatible with having a drug problem onesself.

Posted by: S. Weasel at March 01, 2006 08:13 AM (rasT+)

66 I rode on an Israeli C-130 for about 4 hours. I sat on a barstool on the flight deck (no seatbelts) while the plane did one touch and go after another on a small strip way up in the Golan Heights. Wasn't bothered about it at all until after the flight when they started to make a big deal about the pilot's great job on his first unassisted take-offs and landings.

Posted by: Master of None at March 01, 2006 08:45 AM (2c7xL)

67
S. Weasel said: but the first didn't contain any anti drug statements that I could find

Larry said, in the previous post: Quotes at the bottom of this page:

Read much?

S. Weasel said:
but observing, for example, that somebody has ruined his life with drugs, or that the crime rate has gone down with tougher enforcement of drug laws, isn't logically incompatible with having a drug problem onesself.

Rush said: I go into detail about these non-thinking talking points that "you can't tell people what to do with their bodies" and "you can't legislate morality." First of all, we tell people what they can do to their bodies all the time--no cocaine, no prostitution, no throwing yourself off a building. Second, laws are nothing but defining morality! (8/18/03)

Only a few months before he admitted he had a problem, he says drug abuse should stay illegal and that laws define morality. So, drug abusers are immoral people because they break the law . But Rush hold shimself up to be the voice of morality, doesn't he? But he does drugs. Norman, coordinate....

Srry for the thread hijack, I'll stop. But it's such a good subject.

Posted by: Larry the urbanite at March 01, 2006 09:02 AM (Lpswv)

68 If you're trying to move to the middle Larry, you're going to have to not let Rush bother you so much. If he starts sitting next to former Presidents in the VIP room of the RNC convention, you might have reason to bitch.

Posted by: Master of None at March 01, 2006 09:11 AM (2c7xL)

69 Larry,
Listen to Rush's show sometime. I think it will be as much fun as this site for you. (u)

That is all.

Posted by: Pupster at March 01, 2006 09:12 AM (NMGPj)

70 Get off Larrys back people.

He made a joke about Rush Limbaugh... who gives a fuck? Whats next- no more jokes about Bill O'reilly?

It just makes you looke stupid to automatically attack him no matter what he says. Mike on the other hand...

Instead of just letting the joke pass, we get drawn into some dumbass argument about whether Rush was doctor shopping or not. Who cares?

Attacking trolls is fun, I admit, but its a lot more fun when they have it coming.

Give Larry time, im sure he'll say something dumb eventually. Then you should attack with the funny.

Posted by: a-a at March 01, 2006 09:23 AM (K9xZ6)

71 Most phobias, like flying, are irrational. But they are real.

Like homophobia!?

Posted by: Madfish Willie at March 01, 2006 09:30 AM (D2pBz)

72 Get off Larrys back people./blockquote>

I have to agree with a-a on this. I actually thought Laurence's joke was funny.

Although after he got beat up a little bit, jis justifications were, again, all fucked up. So go ahead and spank him for that, but not the original comment.

[Like anyone gives a fuck what I think]

Posted by: Madfish Willie at March 01, 2006 09:34 AM (D2pBz)

73 If your afraid of flying it means your secretly a plane.

Posted by: at March 01, 2006 09:35 AM (K9xZ6)

74 Dude comes waltzing into a thread with about a dozen commenters discussing their anxiety about flying, and he says "what's the big deal? Get over it".

That's just fucking rude. Then he jacks the thread.
If he hadn't done it before maybe I'd give him a pass.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 09:52 AM (pzen5)

75 Sorry I blew up!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at March 01, 2006 09:55 AM (D2pBz)

76 Put him in the smackdown Dave. No pass for hijacking trolls. Chivalry is not dead.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 10:00 AM (Re5V/)

77 Hey a-a, by participating on this blog, Larry is automatically a punching bag.

He is a punching bag:
1) because he's a lefty moonbat who is here to be a general nuissance and a major pain in the ass.

2) because that's just the fucking way it is.

Keep sticking up for Larry and you'll be a punching bag, too. Don't make a fucking maniac out of me, a-a.

Posted by: Bart at March 01, 2006 10:08 AM (/BWZV)

78 Dave in TX: You started it with the "obsessing" comment. Neener.

Still, sorry about the thread hijack. Here's a olive branch

A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine

Posted by: Larry the Urbanite at March 01, 2006 10:15 AM (Lpswv)

79 On a trip last February, I was on a prop jet. I am one of those people who absolutely adore flying. I will blackmail for a window seat any day.

There had been a lot of snow and ice storms in and around the area that day. But, for some reason the airline felt it was safe to fly. Not too long after takeoff, things got bumpy. Then, they got bad. Ice balls the size of softballs started flinging off the "propellers". Bang, bang, BANG!! Non-stop. Sitting in front of me was a teenage boy who at first was being very brave. Then, he started getting less brave, then he started crying. The whole trip, I would lean up, talk to him in a soothing voice and calm him down. Then sit back and quietly pray. This was the longest 3 hour trip of my life. At the end, the flight attendent came over to me and thank me for keeping the teenager calm.

Posted by: EXDemocrat at March 01, 2006 10:20 AM (kz2CH)

80 Hillary never had a soul to sell.

And I doubt your olive branch will placate.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 01, 2006 10:22 AM (Re5V/)

81 Keep sticking up for Larry and you'll be a punching bag, too. Don't make a fucking maniac out of me, a-a.

Bring it on Bart.

Sure, Im a punching bag.

A punching bag upholstered with Dick Cheneys foreskin and stuffed with Paul Anka records.

p.s. all im saying is that its silly to pick a fight with someone over every little comment they make, no matter how trivial it may be.

Its like debating "Mike." Mike clearly isnt a real person, but a lot of people here will post 10 comments rebutting every thing he says.

It just makes you look dumb.

Its ok if you can make up something funny though. Im pretty sure that is "Mikes" function.

Posted by: Atomic Amish at March 01, 2006 10:22 AM (K9xZ6)

82 Still, sorry about the thread hijack. Here's a olive branch
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that's not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, 'Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine

Oh no, Lar. You're not sorry. You're not sorry at all.
It's what someone like you lives for. Attention.

Nice try with throwing out an anti-Hillary joke in a weak attempt to be liked here.

But you aren't. So you'll settle for antipathy. As long as you are noticed. How sad.

Posted by: at March 01, 2006 10:23 AM (Vsh3q)

83 [Like anyone gives a fuck what I think]

Of course I care what you think. Poofter.

Most folks who've seen me comment here know I don't typically get into arguments with lefties - pretty much a colossal waste of time to me. I don't give a shit what they think or why they think it.

I will ridicule them if I can get a laugh out of it.

Larry pissed me off cause he insulted people I like. Add to that he's a dishonest troll sneakin around with the "can't we have a reasonable discussion" bullshit after saying unreasonable things, well let's just say we ain't gonna be touchin helmets on Saturday night.

If that makes me look dumb, it doesn't bother me because I'm a retard.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 10:36 AM (pzen5)

84 What's the big fear of flying? Safer than driving down the street, it's just the novelty that makes people nervous.

Can you believe the nerve of this guy? Insulting people who are afraid to fly, by saying he's not afraid to do it himself. And whats worse - the bastard actually has the balls to use "facts" to back up his claim that flying is safer than driving. The unmittigated gall.

And then the rancid cocksucker actually apologizes for accidentally making you guys angry. You should just go ahead and ban this turd Ace.

We cant have people being rude to each other at Ace of Spades HQ, now can we?

Posted by: a-a at March 01, 2006 10:46 AM (K9xZ6)

85 We cant have people being rude to each other at Ace of Spades HQ, now can we?

Of course not.

Asshole.

Posted by: AoSHQ Quality Control at March 01, 2006 10:49 AM (R8+nJ)

86 And then the rancid cocksucker actually apologizes for accidentally making you guys angry

As noted earlier, if he hadn't done it before, I probably wouldn't care. It being a habit might make me question his sincerity, and the accidental qualification you give it. If I cared.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 10:55 AM (pzen5)

87 West: "Picking up some hull ionization. We're in for some chop."

We're on an express elevator to Hell... going down!

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