Ace of Spades HQ

March 30, 2006

No Fake Boobs In Space
— Ace

All these years my Heavy Metal comics have been lying to me.

"Virgin Galactic," the private company planning to eventually begin sending up shuttles into space for space tourism, fears that implants may explode due to the cabin pressure (or lack thereof) on spaceflights. Something about the O-rings in breast implants, or something.

And so may ban anyone from flying who's had breast augmentation surgery.

Now, I have never heard of this so-called "breast augmentation surgery," and I imagine not many of you have, either. So Sky News (Rupert Murdoch's outfit, of course) is nice enough to include this picture with the story, just so you know what they're talking about:

There's no picture of space, or a designer's concept drawing of the Virgin Galactic shuttle. Nope. Those things you are free to imagine on your own.

But hyperinflated breasts? The story needed a picture of those, for purposes of "context." And, I guess, "nuance."

Not that I'm complaining. Just sayin'.

Thanks to the SkinerSphere.

Posted by: Ace at 01:54 PM | Comments (48)
Post contains 175 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Hyper-inflated? Those are average man. You sure this "implant" stuff is what you think it is?

Posted by: Iblis at March 30, 2006 01:56 PM (9221z)

2 . . . implants may explode due to the cabin pressure (or lack thereof) on spaceflights. Something about the O-rings in breast implants, or something.

lol! How come men's heads don't explode?

Posted by: shawn at March 30, 2006 02:03 PM (uLve2)

3 The story needed a picture of those, for purposes of "context." And, I guess, "nuance."

And, I guess, "bounce."

Posted by: Michael at March 30, 2006 02:19 PM (pRtzm)

4 No chance of Hooters Space then, huh?

Sorry, forgot Hooters Air went defunct. Would've been a good joke!

Day late and dollar short...

Posted by: ErikW at March 30, 2006 02:20 PM (9XChf)

5 People with heart or circulation problems may also be ruled out.

Hey! Were's the picture of a heart exploding? I want to see circulation problems. What's with the hooter's babe gettin' in the way?

Posted by: Viking at March 30, 2006 02:22 PM (gXzaY)

6 Storebought titties?????

Where have I been?

Posted by: Sticky B at March 30, 2006 02:23 PM (m908I)

7 Hmmm, I`m thinkin compromise here. They could be used as backup "Heat Shields" for reentry (no pun intended). Also weight saving due to no need for life preservers........no pun intended.............

Posted by: Colonel Jerry USMC(ret.) at March 30, 2006 02:25 PM (BJYNn)

8 According to the tests on Mythbusters, the only time it's seriously dangerous for these implants is if they are outside of a body and in a vaccuum. If that's happened to a stripper or fading hollywood starlet, she's in more trouble than just implants rupturing.

Posted by: Canelone at March 30, 2006 02:28 PM (1Vbso)

9 A girl gots ta keep 'em real these days.

In space there's no gravity, right? So they'll be all perky and high like ya'll likes em.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 30, 2006 02:28 PM (BMMen)

10 And the background of the picture says

y ttit

Not that I studied the picture.

Posted by: Mike S at March 30, 2006 02:30 PM (vLi0S)

11 No K-chick---- our favorite kinds are FREE........... :}

Posted by: Colonel Jerry USMC(ret.) at March 30, 2006 02:49 PM (BJYNn)

12 Colonel, ain't nothing for free. Especially in DEEP space where there's a giant sucking vacuum of black holes..

And I was hoping with your supersonic background you could help me get over my intense fear of flying. Always a price.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 30, 2006 02:56 PM (8SLsn)

13 That's it. After a childhood of the Gemini and Apollo programs, the Saturday morning trips I took with my dad to where he worked for Werner von Braun, where I met Gus Grissom and Ed White, the thrill I felt as a young lad when Neil finally walked on the moon, ...

I officially do not want to be an astronaut when I grow up.

*sigh* it hurts.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 30, 2006 02:59 PM (U33qp)

According to the tests on Mythbusters...
Yeah, well, I can't honestly say I'm very impressed with Mythbusters. When they were trying to determine whether cellphones could ignite gasoline fumes, they did everything except press buttons on the phone; pressing a button shorts a couple of contacts, which could cause a spark.

Posted by: Anachronda at March 30, 2006 03:04 PM (jnCzJ)

15 Not that I am a doubting Thomas (My name isn't Thomas) but I am not convinced that those (I think they're called) breasts are artifically augmented.

I believe that closer examination is required, and some comparison photos would be nice too....

Just in the interest of science, you understand.....

Posted by: Lokki at March 30, 2006 03:06 PM (Tz1YF)

16 But Dave, surely the term "Sputnik" turned you on.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 30, 2006 03:07 PM (8SLsn)

17 K-chick,

Whell, just so happens I have access to a Chek L-39 military training jet (2 ejection seats). Ain`t supersonic but will touch 430 knots.

As a former TopGun instructor, I believe you have the right stuff so I can make you lethal in one sortie. You will be too busy to even think about fear of flying.

And, au contraire, to your thesis, it will be FREE in every way! (K.O., not exactly---I wanna see your knife techniques...................)

Posted by: Colonel Jerry USMC(ret.) at March 30, 2006 03:08 PM (BJYNn)

18 Anachondra I think I can safely say that if your cell phone causes such a big spark it ignites gas in the air, you've got a seriously faulty phone in your hands.

Posted by: Canelone at March 30, 2006 03:10 PM (1Vbso)

19 Ejection seats?!!! *shudder* *cringe* The only thing I'll be "busy" doing is praying.

430 knots? I don't do math in any form, but that sounds really, too fast. The wings might rip right off.

You don't understand, I have been known to grab the arm of a total stranger during turbulence and leave bruises.

I can't give up the blade, man. Ever. But if you allow me to pop a few Xanax, I'll show you what I got.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 30, 2006 03:26 PM (8SLsn)

20 Anybody else think it weird that there is a post about boobs and our resident queer canine copulator appears?

{shudder} Freaky.

[cue Twilight Zone music]

Posted by: wiserbud at March 30, 2006 03:47 PM (56ssE)

21 You're travelling through another plastic surgery, an operating room not only of sight and sound but of silicon; a journey into a wondrous bust whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead--your next stop, the Boobie Zone

Posted by: Rod Serling at March 30, 2006 04:51 PM (U33qp)

22 BOOOOBS IN SPAAACE!!!!

Posted by: Pork Linkletter at March 30, 2006 05:04 PM (1Vbso)

23 Don't worry everyone.

I have this idea to make breast implants out of a liquid, or even a gel-like substance, instead of helium like most are made of today. Silicon might work. Or, perhaps a saline solution.

And as a backup I would pressurize the cabin. That way eye-balls won't explode either.

Or, depending on the size of the yahboos maybe they would.

Posted by: Steve O at March 30, 2006 05:17 PM (R0Csm)

24 Well, I'll say it.

Nice tits!

Posted by: ErikW at March 30, 2006 05:18 PM (9XChf)

25 K-Chick,

430 knots is just a smidge over 7 miles per minute (probably the same as your trip from the house to the liquor store?)

Define "turbulance". Do you mean air turbulance or some other kind of mental turbulance on the ground? (...that could be important for a guy to know....)

You really don`t know what you are missing; it is pure, utterly total freedom just like an eagle.

Posted by: Colonel Jerry USMC(ret.) at March 30, 2006 05:26 PM (BJYNn)

26 If guys could do the same thing to thier units as gals can do to thier breastules, we'd all be wearing three socks right now. I may not be "space-worthy", but at least I I'd be starring in "Three Horses And Me".

Posted by: johnd01 at March 30, 2006 05:35 PM (cK6vz)

27 Huh?

Posted by: at March 30, 2006 05:47 PM (9XChf)

28 Me, sorry.

Posted by: ErikW at March 30, 2006 05:51 PM (9XChf)

29
>There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today
>than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be
>a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and
>absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Posted by: jbinnout at March 30, 2006 06:27 PM (ADqUB)

30 If you punched a breast implant really hard would it explode? If you did it in a forest would anyone hear it?

Posted by: Mike Superior at March 30, 2006 06:33 PM (K8G/M)

31 Holy God, that looks good.

Posted by: Ed Snate at March 30, 2006 06:38 PM (BQ26L)

32 I actually had some woman do that to me. Seriously. A total stranger, and she left bruises. It was on a tourist helicopter flight in New Zealand.

I was thinking, "Get off me, bitch." But she was kind of cute.

KC, have you been to New Zealand?

Posted by: Michael at March 30, 2006 07:15 PM (pRtzm)

33 I was thinking, "Get off me, bitch." But she was kind of cute.

Michael that is hilarious, wow what a charmer you are!

Posted by: bodaciousflirt at March 30, 2006 07:37 PM (HEjoD)

34
The first trips are due in early 2008 and will have room for only seven or eight people.

Celebrity passengers include former Dallas actress Victoria Principal.

Virgin is also in talks to get 75-year-old Star Trek actor William Shatner, who played Captain Kirk.

Wouldn't Shatner be prohibited from flight? I think he is a big, phoney boob. (But, that's just my opinion)

Posted by: at March 30, 2006 08:57 PM (EI+zd)

35 Colonel, you throw in the liquor store reference to lure me in and then talk about flying like an eagle. It does sound wonderful--but still scary. Like the rush of a lifetime.

And by turbulence I mean when the plane jerks, gets thrown around by something completely invisible, like air. That makes me nuts. I'm just a chick who's surrounded by turbulence inside and out.

Mikey, never been over the Atlantic or Pacific. Reckon I'd have to be unconscious for that. Or have someone else paying for the trip. Or be traveling with a mysterious stranger.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 31, 2006 02:26 AM (bWRxm)

36 Quick question: Wouldn't nanotech be able to deal with this 'high-g then zero grav' silicon stuff by the time space travel is cheap and affordable?

Presumably, the doctor would just have to inject 10cc's of ~verytinymachines~ into each implant, and they'd set about their task of keeping the boobies safe for space travel.

heh.

indeed.

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 31, 2006 04:38 AM (PcDvW)

37 Kevlarchick,

This might help you keep calm, the next time you fly, , try to remember that, with very few exceptions, the flight crew wants to live, too.

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 31, 2006 04:41 AM (PcDvW)

38 Yeah, that works great, Stickerman, until you remember that the crews of virtually every 'liner thats screwed the pooch went down screaming in terror. Until all the maintenance guys have a real stake in this, I'm staying with the Klonopin.

Posted by: spongeworthy at March 31, 2006 04:58 AM (uSomN)

39 Spongy, next time I fly, I'll sit next to you. High and happy and giggling all the way down.

Posted by: kevlarchick at March 31, 2006 05:11 AM (aksJf)

40 The real shame of this is that many of the women with the largest implants are already registered 'Space Cadets'.

Posted by: MagicalPat at March 31, 2006 05:36 AM (Epz9+)

41 Have they tested the effect on hair implants?

Posted by: William Shatner at March 31, 2006 05:36 AM (APmYh)

42 Until all the maintenance guys have a real stake in this, I'm staying with the Klonopin

Fair point.

Though I recognize the safety of air travel, I always put a business card in each of my shoes when I fly. I figure that will help speed up identification of the remains.

and I order two Jack Daniels and can of apple juice.

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at March 31, 2006 05:47 AM (PcDvW)

43 nah, they won't be able to tell those are YOUR feet.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 31, 2006 06:05 AM (pzen5)

44 You really don`t know what you are missing; it is pure, utterly total freedom just like an eagle.

K Chick what are you thinking say no?, sounds like fun!......sign me up!

Posted by: bodaciousflirt at March 31, 2006 06:37 AM (HEjoD)

45 As an ex-Lightman for a show filled with about 60 Beautiful, Nekkid Wimmen, I would like to say... er... What was the question?
I miss my job.

Posted by: Retired Geezer at March 31, 2006 06:45 AM (axBqL)

46 What does yttit spell forwards...anyone?

Posted by: take that hippy at March 31, 2006 11:02 AM (aZeDP)

47 Debunked by Mythbusters. Big boobs in space will work!

Posted by: dorkafork at March 31, 2006 02:04 PM (ksDNy)

48 Ok guys, we're missing the big picture here.

To be consistent, we need to complain about the words being shown cropped behind this model (after about the 4th view, I saw these letters)...

y titt

It don't take a Rocket Surgeon to figure out what the photographer thought of this model...

And... man she's got big jugs... I mean... that's just wrong and stuff (*gotta try for the sensitive play).

Posted by: Gekkobear at March 31, 2006 02:33 PM (uiClB)

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