Ace of Spades HQ

December 29, 2006

Martha Stewart Spent $1200 On A Vibrator
— Ace

One called "The Thumper." Twelve bills of jackhammer action.

It's a good thing.

These and other strange revelations made on the Howard Stern show.

Via PetiteDov.

Posted by: Ace at 02:09 PM | Comments (39)
Post contains 40 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Uh, Ace, doesn't this register on the 'ejaculation meter?'

Posted by: kevlarchick at December 29, 2006 02:11 PM (xFu6h)

2 Would you go in there for any less?

Posted by: The Thumper at December 29, 2006 02:13 PM (gNyUT)

3 No it doesn't kevlar *shudder*

I'd think Martha Stewart Loving would be very heavily choreographed, cold and angry.

Posted by: Sinistar at December 29, 2006 02:15 PM (kJNdy)

4 George Kennedy

Sex Shop

Chainsaw-powered vibrator

The Naked Gun 2 1/2

'Nuff said

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 29, 2006 02:17 PM (tVbxd)

5 So what? I've spent a helluva lot more money than that on girlfriends.

Fuck, I'm stupid.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at December 29, 2006 02:25 PM (kc9zT)

6 After a stay at Club Fed, you too might require a little extra thrust to achieve takeoff.

Desensitization, I think it's called.

Posted by: sherlock at December 29, 2006 02:28 PM (vJAe5)

7 That's all?
Cheap bitch.

Posted by: ryan at December 29, 2006 02:37 PM (qyTXI)

8 Ol' Martha fires up "The Terminator", drops a prison movie into the player, sparks up a tastefully rolled and scented fattie, and gets busy!

Posted by: eman at December 29, 2006 02:50 PM (FWrFx)

9 Bought one?

Didn't anybody see the Christmas special in '97 when she made one out of a paper towel holder, some holiday yarn and a couple of M80s?

Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 29, 2006 03:14 PM (tUka7)

10 Martha who?

Posted by: Rachel Ray at December 29, 2006 03:19 PM (FWrFx)

11 very heavily choreographed, cold and angry.

That sounds kinda fun.

Posted by: Entropy at December 29, 2006 03:28 PM (Uh5fR)

12 She's got some kind of a compulsion to pay too much for stuff, like with the freaking olive oil.

Posted by: Dave Munger at December 29, 2006 03:30 PM (2DpdP)

13 If she's throwing money around like a drunken sailor, I am available to be "kept".

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 29, 2006 03:36 PM (GlKkD)

14 The stock vibrator was only $50; the flame job and nitrous oxide setup cost another $1150.

Posted by: iowahawk at December 29, 2006 03:37 PM (C9YlT)

...the flame job and nitrous oxide setup cost another $1150.

She passed on the optional body undercoating but went with the extended warranty.

Posted by: cranky at December 29, 2006 03:48 PM (Xj2Ev)

16 We are doing a feature in the magazine about vibrators and which ones are best. I need the Thumper because my clitoris has grown to the size of a small penis from the testosterone laden corporate world enviroment I am in.

Posted by: Martha Stewart at December 29, 2006 03:50 PM (+GRGs)

17 Will someone please tell that annoying horny bitch to stop eating my shit for crying out loud?

Posted by: Martha Stewart's cat at December 29, 2006 03:53 PM (v8vVW)

18 Only "The Thumper" has the reinforced titanium-diamond housing that can resist the hyena-like teeth she has down there.

Posted by: eman at December 29, 2006 03:54 PM (FWrFx)

19 Dang, next the nasty skank wll be showing up in public without undies.

Posted by: Nice Deb at December 29, 2006 04:28 PM (YfQX9)

20 $1200 for a vibrator? Sounds like she owns a Sybian...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sybian

And there's a mental image for you....Martha Stewart on a Sybian.

Posted by: Del Davis at December 29, 2006 04:49 PM (FnwKk)

21 Dang, next the nasty skank wll be showing up in public without undies.

My goodness, NiceDeb, the AoSHQ influence is going to force you to change your moniker!

"The Deb Formerly Known as Nice"

"CorruptedDeb"

"DarkSideDeb"

Anyway, I thought your comment was funny and irreverent. You're going to do great in the next flame war.

Posted by: geoff at December 29, 2006 05:04 PM (ZKQrF)

22 I go out for dinner and I miss this?? DAMMIT!!!

WARNING:

Do NOT mess with Nice Deb.

Posted by: Rosetta at December 29, 2006 06:51 PM (omkIU)

23 Okay, The Deb formerly known as Nice, it is.

Posted by: The Deb formerly known as Nice at December 29, 2006 07:51 PM (5yDl8)

24 Actual Quote from the Thumper Site:

"Horse trainers have discovered what doctors, chiropractors and professional athletes have known for years, that Thumper® works.

The Thumper was designed by a chiropractor to use on his patients and has proven just as effective on equines."

WTF?

Posted by: Rosetta at December 30, 2006 04:29 AM (omkIU)

25 A $1,200 vibrator seems extravagent until you realize its 15,000 watt diesel-powered generator can be used to light your house during a blackout.

What's weird is she bought the one fashioned after Secretariat. I reckon she'll have to make some spurs from something lying around the house....

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at December 30, 2006 06:18 AM (xrgEF)

26 OGM Converter? yes, which would help you convert ogm files with just a few simple clicks, please free download it and try now! we also prepared 3GPP Converter for you!

Posted by: silence at May 10, 2010 03:17 AM (LRiNE)