Ace of Spades HQ

September 30, 2006

Helter Skelter: Free Charles Manson! [Jack M.]
— Ace

It doesn't have quite the same ring as "Free Mumia!", does it?

In any event, this is the topic of a hilarious tongue-in-cheek article that appears in The American Thinker entitled "Charles Manson's Path to Freedom". The author, noting that Manson has been rejected in 10 consecutive parole hearings has some helpful tips for how Manson can make his case a cause celebre and guarantee a successful outcome to his upcoming hearing.

So how does one go about winning sympathy for the devil, you may be asking? It's easy! Just follow the following steps:

1. Start Bashing Bush. This is chum in shark-infested waters. Like voting in Chicago, you should do this early and often. This action will immediately establish your credentials as a tough, nuanced, and sophisticated thinker.....
2. Convert to Islam. People will immediately think of Cat Stevens because he converted to Islam, and you look like him. Who can support someones imprisonment when humming Longer boats are coming to win us? Any believer loves a convert, and this step will inspire our friends at CAIR. We can probably easily convince them to start running stories about how it was the Mossad who pulled of the Tate-LaBianca killings back in the late sixties.....
3.Announce Your Support for Womens Issues. Repeat often how much you admire and how much you have learned from Katha Pollitt and the heiress, Katrina Van den Heuval. Cite The Nation as the deepest thing that you have ever read, other than Chomsky, of course. In very solemn tones mention that you much prefer peace to war, which you can then characterize as a patriarchal construction. Announce your support for oppressed women everywhere, but dont get specific here. Never mention Juanita Broderick, Paula Jones, or Muslim women....
4. Lose The Swasika On Your Forehead. There are many talented plastic surgeons in Southern California. A nip here and tuck there, and like magic the swastika can be turned into a peace symbol.....
5. Court Hollywood Celebrities. If you rigorously follow steps one through four, this tactic is relatively simple. Our strategy, if carried out properly, is boob-bait for the Hollywood bubbas. Nick Clooney, Mike Farrell, Babs Streisand, Sean Penn, Ed Asner et al. simply cannot resist this sort of thing.

Of course, the author expands on these points more thoroughly then what I have excerpted here, so you really should go read the whole thing.

I'd say more about this topic, but I'm convinced that the lyrics to George Harrison's song "Piggies" are telling me I should go watch the early football games.

So I leave the further commenting to you. Keep this thought in mind though:

"I got blisters on my fingers!"

This place got workman's comp?

Posted by: Ace at 07:22 AM | Comments (13)
Post contains 462 words, total size 3 kb.

1
No, Jack we don't have workman's comp. But that reminds me, its your turn to wake Ace up. He has already exceeded his daily quota of guest posts under the Work Rules of the Guest-And-Co-Bloggers Union Local 101.

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2006 07:48 AM (LPlsm)

2 What about the Children's Book? You gotta have the Children's Book!

Posted by: Gordon at September 30, 2006 07:49 AM (YrwYk)

3 Creepy. I did a Google Image search for Sharon Tate and her murder scene was one of the top results.

I can't believe that's out there.

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2006 08:02 AM (k/oou)

4 I ain't in the Union Bitch!

Im a scab. Just the way kevlarchick likes me.

Posted by: Jack M. at September 30, 2006 08:04 AM (Jb1EJ)

Nick Clooney

He must mean George Clooney.

He should also "come out of the closet", and write a book about it. All he has to say is that all those years of lying to himself about who he really was put him in an unhealthy place.

The Hollywood crowd will be falling all over themselves to come to his side and help guide him in his journey to self-realization and freedom.

Posted by: Nice Deb at September 30, 2006 08:30 AM (9ftXk)

6 What about the Nobel Peace Prize?! Tookie had that nomination goin for him before he was executed. He died a martyr.

And women's issues? Tell that to Sharon Tate.

Posted by: kevlarchick at September 30, 2006 08:45 AM (otuOL)

7 Legitimacy, and forgiveness in the eyes of the worldly is as easy as answering this one basic question correctly: Charles Manson, what's your opinion of George W. Bush?

Posted by: bizarro world slave at September 30, 2006 09:06 AM (73l84)

8 The sad part is this is so very accurate. All it takes for the idiot left to side with someone, no matter how repulsive, horrid, or insane, is for them to publicly hold the right positions on a few specific issues. They'll even give a pass to really crazy, stupid things you say like Michael Moore and Cindy Sheehan, as long as you hold the right positions.

This has long been true: look at President Clinton, who was the personification of everything the feminists fight against and consider horrible, except he held the right positions, so he got a pass.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at September 30, 2006 10:45 AM (FuM7z)

9 Let me add, this is sort of an extension of the Menedez Brothers effect. If you are charismatic and seem sorry for the bad you did, then people say "awww, let them go, they feel bad about it."

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at September 30, 2006 10:45 AM (FuM7z)

10 Virginia Tech is going down, baby!

Posted by: Davidlin at September 30, 2006 12:29 PM (ekltV)

11 Time to hang charles manson and finish what meanbeam brown did,nt do becuase he was aliberal wussie bleedingheart idiots and still is stupid

Posted by: spurwing plover at October 02, 2006 06:25 PM (g1M1/)

Finally, an issue that I am passionate about. I have looked for information of this caliber for the last several hours. Your site is greatly appreciated.

coach duffle handbag

Posted by: black at September 29, 2010 09:49 PM (fRuXz)

13 Thank you for taking this opportunity to discuss this, I feel strongly about it and I take pleasure in learning about this kind of topic.

Posted by: free dvd ripper for mac at May 17, 2011 07:02 AM (pbreG)

Hide Comments | Add Comment