Ace of Spades HQ

June 29, 2007

For The Ron Paul Spambots
— Ace

First of all, don't you stupid motherfuckers feel a little pathetic having nothing better to do with your time than google the name of your gay love fixation all day long and pester normal people about fucking Ron Paul?

Do you work? Do you work specifically for Ron Paul? Do you realize how goddamned much you're creeping the rest of us out with your zombie-like thralldom?

Let me make this clear:

Ron Paul is not a viable candidate for President. He is a crank. A Bircheresque, conspiracy-wallowing, Truther-pandering crank.

Everyone, except you morons, understands he is a crank.

He could not win the Republican nomination if his opponents were only Sam I Am Brownback, Charles Manson, the dessicated corpse of Atilla the Hun and Yoko Ono.

You should just all grow the fuck up and stop wasting your goddamned time.

Everytime I read your creepily devoted posts I feel like I've blundered into some boyband fan site where everyone's got a crush on the dreamy RP (the motorcycle-riding badboy from the wrong side of the tracks who nevertheless can croon in the most romantic, heartfelt way). Your political, legal, and constitutional analysis fails to rise above the level of "'N Sync? More like 'N Stink!"

It is time, as they say, to become an adult, and put away foolish things.

Here's one video for you idiots. You all remind me of the Nazis here, constantly saying "He's right, you know."

Here's another one:

Watch it. Learn it. Live it.

And for the love of God All Mighty, stop creeping the rest of us out with your pathetic, stalkerish obsessions.

Posted by: Ace at 03:30 PM | Comments (60)
Post contains 279 words, total size 2 kb.

1 And this is exactly why I practically live at this blog.

Posted by: Bart at June 29, 2007 03:35 PM (PQNVt)

2 Two thoughts...

Monty Python is much funnier with Japanese subtitles, they really add a layer of nuance to the broad comedy.

And second...look how young Shatner's toupee is in that clip!

And oh yeah, Ron Paul and his Ronettes are teh ghey.

Posted by: Drew at June 29, 2007 03:43 PM (gNyUT)

3 You simply lack the nuance to appreciate the emotions this capital-p Patriot inspires in his sycophantic Truther douchebag followers.

Posted by: Allah at June 29, 2007 03:43 PM (lCGw6)

4 Who's Ron Paul?

Posted by: Moby at June 29, 2007 03:44 PM (ocvH5)

5 First of all, don't you stupid motherfuckers feel a little pathetic
having nothing better to do with your time than google the name of your
gay love fixation all day long and pester normal people about fucking
Ron Paul?

Oh, this blog is going to get an extra X for that.

Posted by: Slublog at June 29, 2007 03:44 PM (jXijA)

6 Matt Damon!

Posted by: Ron Paul at June 29, 2007 03:46 PM (ne++p)

7 Gun to your head: Ron Paul or Hillary? Tell the truth.

Posted by: Allah at June 29, 2007 03:47 PM (lCGw6)

8 Gun to my head with that choice? I pull the goddamned trigger myself.

Posted by: ace at June 29, 2007 03:48 PM (1UCRY)

9 I'll take the gun to my head

Posted by: Moby at June 29, 2007 03:49 PM (ocvH5)

10 I would still pick Ron Paul ove the H-Beast.
I admit it, but he's be taken away in a straight jacket before the Innauguration, so who would be the VP on that ticket?

Posted by: mbruce at June 29, 2007 03:49 PM (LLCm9)

11 Gun to my head? Hillary.

But I'd feel dirty afterward, and not in a good way.

Posted by: Slublog at June 29, 2007 03:50 PM (jXijA)

12 Gun to my head with that choice? I pull the goddamned trigger myself.

Death is not an option.

Posted by: Allah at June 29, 2007 03:50 PM (lCGw6)

13 1.) Ace, plz point me in the direction of the thread where the Ron Paulbots are swarming. I love reading this shit.

2.) Like hell you graduated magna cum laude from law school. Maybe the People's College of Law, or some shithole like the University of Minnesota.

Posted by: Jeff B. at June 29, 2007 03:51 PM (oRT5o)

Ron Paul does have a point.

The Fed Reserve should be put in the hands of the American people.

It shouldnt be a private club for the New York money men like the Bilderburgers and the Rothschilds to make money from.

P.S. 9/11 was an inside job.

Notice how there were no Jews at work in the towers that day?

Posted by: Matt Damon at June 29, 2007 03:52 PM (ne++p)

15 Gun to my head?

Paul. Because as crazy as he is, he would be limited in his ability to truly undermine/destroy the Federal government (heck, even the parts of it that deserve to be reduced).

Meanwhile, Hillary could grow the damn thing much more easily. MUCH MORE easily.

Posted by: Jeff B. at June 29, 2007 03:53 PM (oRT5o)

16 He's right, you know that don't you?

Posted by: Ron Vibbentropp at June 29, 2007 03:55 PM (1UCRY)

You mean Star Trek isn't real? I thought they were broadcasts from the future that we picked up using reconfigured phase compensators taken from a ship we have in Area 51.

Posted by: eman at June 29, 2007 03:55 PM (FWrFx)

18 No, eman, that was "v" that we did that with.

Posted by: mbruce at June 29, 2007 03:57 PM (LLCm9)

the dessicated corpse of Atilla the Hun

Ha, reminds me of my '92 & '96 line that I would not vote for Bill Clinton if his opponent was the "exhumed corpse of Benito Mussolini." I'll use it for Shrillery, too. And death must be an option.

Posted by: iamfelix at June 29, 2007 04:04 PM (hHZ38)

20 Ace in 2008!

"Live Ron Paul Free or Die"

It would get my vote. If I wasn't already a publicly declared candidate.

Posted by: Jack M. at June 29, 2007 04:09 PM (T93tD)

21 Ron Paul wasn't always like this...but, one day years ago he decided to touch a downed powerline....

Posted by: eman at June 29, 2007 04:14 PM (FWrFx)

$10000.00, in my account by tomorrow morning. THEN I'll vote for crank paul.

That's friend prices.

Posted by: drolmorg at June 29, 2007 04:18 PM (OsRdt)

23 Aha! I knew it! You're scared to death of Ron Paul, the only man who can save America!

Which, you know, with the army of retarded zombies that follow him is pretty reasonable.

RON PAUL KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE!

Posted by: Pablo at June 29, 2007 04:18 PM (yTndK)

24 $10,000.00? You cheap whore! I'd need $250,000, plus some Pats tickets.

Posted by: eman at June 29, 2007 04:21 PM (FWrFx)

I think the dessicated corpse of Atilla the Hun would make a fine candidate.

Atilla/Alaric '08!

Posted by: carl at June 29, 2007 04:27 PM (Mbr1V)

26 I'd like to take about 8% of Paul's righteous crazy libertarian thing and graft it on to a real candidate. Any more than that and you get. . .well, you get too much. It would be like having a President that also talks at the Red Lion every third Wednesday when the "precious bodily fluids" guys have their meetings.

Posted by: tachyonshuggy at June 29, 2007 04:30 PM (8WlSy)

27 Come on, Ace - tell us what you really think about that moron

Posted by: Bruce at June 29, 2007 04:34 PM (nV126)

28 Er, I meant $10000.00 from EACH supporter! Counting ron crank, there's got to be 60, 70 grand there. That'll buy a lot of booze.

Posted by: drolmorg at June 29, 2007 04:35 PM (OsRdt)

29 Come on, Ace - tell us what you really think about that moron

Uh-oooooh.... "Internal Server Error! Could it be? Have THEY taken over your server? A DNS attack! Oh God - HIDE!!!!!

BANG BANG BANG ... You vil open the door this instant!

Posted by: Bruce at June 29, 2007 04:37 PM (nV126)

Sorry, Carl. Atilla has allready called and invited me in. It'll be Atilla/Vlad '08

I would be leading the ticket if it wasn't for that lying Stoker punk.

Posted by: Vlad The Impaler at June 29, 2007 04:43 PM (ckQml)

31 I'm Ron Paul, and I endorse this message. Mainly because it has the words "Ron Paul" in it.

Posted by: Ron Paul at June 29, 2007 04:46 PM (8WlSy)

32 Having a conversation with a Rontard© is like being in the argument clinic sketch.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 29, 2007 04:49 PM (HUjun)

33 Don't show Ron this one

Posted by: jhc at June 29, 2007 04:54 PM (nHRdf)

34 So, which one of the folks in the second clip is Bart?

Posted by: someone at June 29, 2007 05:07 PM (TXnhk)

35 "Maybe the People's College of Law, or some shithole like the University of Minnesota."

University of Endor.

Posted by: someone at June 29, 2007 05:08 PM (TXnhk)

36 It's totally un-Republican to call for blind adherence to a fuhrer, unless he's GEORGE W. BUSH, COMMANDER IN CHIEF, SAVIN' US FROM TH' TERRISTS!!11!

Oh wait, we've forgotten all about that guy, haven't we...sorry, dudes.

Posted by: Proud Republican at June 29, 2007 05:10 PM (Cs1cE)

"Maybe the People's College of Law, or some shithole like the University of Minnesota."

University of Endor.

Tatooine Tech?

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 29, 2007 05:16 PM (HUjun)

38 Has the dessicated corpse of Attila the Hun declared yet? Because he can count on my vote. Hell, I'd donate money if I knew where to send it.

Posted by: Chris at June 29, 2007 05:29 PM (8d3U/)

It's totally un-Republican to call for blind adherence to a fuhrer

Who do you think should run things? The Mutter? Feminist!

Posted by: jhc at June 29, 2007 05:31 PM (nHRdf)

Oh yeah? Well, Ron Paul ron paul RON PAUL RoN pAuL ron paul!

Posted by: Ron Paul Supporter at June 29, 2007 06:04 PM (r1Ip+)

The absolute worst about the Ronettes is the they're also totally insane Troothers.

Tinfoil wearing, 911 LIHOP/MIHOP Zagnuts.

Posted by: N. O'Brain at June 29, 2007 07:09 PM (l6Hcc)

42 Ace, you're just a pathetic NeoCon hack. A so called 9/11 conservative. In other words, not a real conservative. A Rudy, cross dressing Conservative. Gay rights Rudy. No No No, Rudy and and Andrew Sullivan.

Posted by: William R at June 29, 2007 07:33 PM (DxP4h)

43 I DEMAND YOU KNEEL BEFORE RON PAUL, WILLIAM R!

Posted by: Ron "Zod" Paul at June 29, 2007 08:00 PM (1UCRY)

44 Truly, Ron Paul hath tarried too long for the good he is doing.

Posted by: Oliver Cromwell at June 29, 2007 09:13 PM (5Xmx2)

Please post more of this again soon. When you talk dirty about Ron Paul, it makes the veins on my boner pop out.

kthxbye

Posted by: Pon Raul at June 29, 2007 10:19 PM (bggmq)

46 I think it's about time for a "Cool Facts About Ron Paul" thread. That is, unless there already was one, and I missed it.

Posted by: Sean M. at June 29, 2007 11:34 PM (XFqvL)

I wrote one measly post on our crappy little blog, and the Ron Paul lackeys found ME!

I guess that should make me feel important.

Posted by: Brian the sailor at June 30, 2007 04:14 AM (JPB1U)

48 I love you people. Damn this site cracks me up.

Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 04:52 AM (0zlao)

49 Mining the Ron Paul traffic gold, are we?

Posted by: km at June 30, 2007 08:10 AM (ZeIkZ)

50 The brilliance of Ron Paul is why Nancy Pelosi blinks like a Japanese robot.

Posted by: John Galt at June 30, 2007 08:32 AM (A5mvC)

51 I remember you guys from when Goldwater ran. Butch cuts and church youth are "Conservative," but this guy is "crazy." Conservatives like you gave us LBJ.

Posted by: anonymous at June 30, 2007 12:16 PM (VjNM6)

Late to this thread, but I think I know the answer to this question:

So, which one of the folks in the second clip is Bart?

I believe the audience is all Bart, it's a photoshop montage of him as he grew up aged.

Posted by: max at June 30, 2007 12:33 PM (OYeDg)

Ron Paul is "Jim Jones" crazy and those who support this guy need to be srtipped of the ability to vote and have children, seriously, this is a very dark time for the entire world, and you people are living a pretty bad video game "reality".

THIS IS REAL LIFE......deal with it or let the grown ups do so and go back to the bong hits.......

VIP

Posted by: viperdisorder at June 30, 2007 01:29 PM (4GS1g)

54 Yep, Viper, that's the LBJ I meant.

Posted by: anonymous at June 30, 2007 05:07 PM (VjNM6)

I remember you guys from when Goldwater ran. Butch cuts and church youth are "Conservative," but this guy is "crazy." Conservatives like you gave us LBJ.

You must have lost your copy of the script. You were supposed to say we aren't Reagan conservatives and you forgot to declare that Neocons were destroying the very fabric of time and space.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 30, 2007 05:30 PM (HUjun)

56 "Ron Paul is not a viable candidate for President."

Say that again in 2009.

Posted by: rinkuhero at June 30, 2007 05:45 PM (r065l)

57 I think I have a chance against this Ron Paul guy.

Posted by: Lyndon LaRouche at June 30, 2007 06:15 PM (TYpmD)

58 Um... spambots can't read

Posted by: KGood at July 09, 2007 02:28 PM (DsA1F)

59 If cant control him then you might as well bash him. Good show, not a real mind numbing experience having to choose from the usual suspects in the main stream political circle jerk, I see they have alot of willing "catchers" all gathered right here. This must be the lowest point on the net, with such drivel collecting right here.

Posted by: FvckStick at July 12, 2007 03:10 PM (0xoR6)