Ace of Spades HQ

December 30, 2004

For Senator PhilABuster: Johnny Coldcuts
— Ace

Photo credit: From Enjoy Every Sandwich, who isn't even using the pic anymore, which I think is a crime.

Well, Johnny Coldcuts isn't really on my top ten, but a couple of readers seem to like him, so I'll throw him in here as a bonus.

I made up this "character," if Johnny can be so elevated to be called a character, in this post, introducing him as a foul-mothed, time-travelling baloney sandwhich.

I didn't put much stock in Johnny's prognostications, as his memories of his visits to the future were often clouded by substance abuse and/or simple stupidity. But, amazingly enough, on June 8, 2004, he emphatically predicted a Red Sox World Series sweep. I didn't put any money on that, but anyone who did must have made a fortune.

Johnny, Geoffrey the Duck, and Simon Cowell later evaluated haikus submitted by readers (and Andrew Sullivan, Josh Marshall, and Oliver Willis) for "American Haiku." Contains Johnny's all-time best (and dirtiest) put-down.

Ripping off an old National Lampoon bit, I threatened to kill Johnny unless people donated to me, which, unbelievably enough, they did.

Here Susan Sarandon consoled Johnny as he waited on death row.

Ultimately, the Supreme Court ordered Johnny freed.

Posted by: Ace at 10:40 AM | Comments (7)
Post contains 212 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Now, now ACE let us not talk of killing unless we mean it (e.g. we must kill all Liberals before they kill us.) Oops, my inner Liberal wise ass said that, not me. (Just being a dick.)

72VIRGINS-OUT-OF-TOWN-TILL-MONDAY

Posted by: 72VIRGINSOUTOFTOWN at December 30, 2004 11:46 AM (Fs/x4)

2 That Johnny Coldcuts pledge drive was some seriously funny shit.

Posted by: Moonbat_One at December 30, 2004 01:49 PM (BSwh3)

3 Thanks, Ace!

Posted by: senator philabuster at December 30, 2004 03:40 PM (yucew)

4 I completely missed that I made it to the Haiku quarter-finals in Dallas.

My bad.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at December 30, 2004 04:55 PM (+Wzz6)

5 My 2 year old, Preston Jr, will not stop talking about this sandwich. He and his little sister look at it and burst out laughing uncontrollably. How could Enjoy Every Sandwich not still be using it? Kids love it!

Posted by: Preston Taylor Holmes at December 31, 2004 03:45 AM (1pQxj)

6 Johnny owns. IMO he's better than the D&D stuff. *shrugs*

Posted by: fat kid at January 05, 2005 01:29 PM (yHxMk)

7
There are many online stores having Ysl shoes on sale. Yesterday, my friend bought a Yves saint laurent shoes which is so beautiful, i am surprised by the design and style. Do you have a pair of Yves saint laurent now? if not, go to online store and have one, it is so amazing!!!

Posted by: samdy at March 25, 2011 04:53 AM (HbC6N)

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