Ace of Spades HQ

February 28, 2006

Europe Is So Fat...
— Ace

How fat is it?

Well half of its citizens are overweight or obese.

Christ, you know what I hate? Going to a vacation town like Vegas and seeing all those fat-assed Europeans waddling around like ducks with goofy accents.

If only they ate a sensible, American style diet.

Posted by: Ace at 03:01 PM | Comments (31)
Post contains 56 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It's so fat, its shadow weighs 20 pounds!

can you believe that's the only one I could think of?

Posted by: MacStansbury at February 28, 2006 03:08 PM (/rHNY)

2 Ya know, when they sit around the continent,
they really sit AROUND the continent!!

Thank you. Don't forget your waitresses.

Posted by: harrison at February 28, 2006 03:09 PM (ZBys+)

3 They so fat, the back of they neck look like a pack of hotdogs.

They so fat, if they broke they leg, gravy would pour out.

They so fat that when they wear a Malcolm X T-shirt, helicopters try to land.

They so fat they can only get group insurance.

They so fat they got their own zip code.

They so fat their cankles got the same diameter as they thighs.

Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 03:15 PM (djE5R)

4 They so fat they affect the tides.

They so fat they can only buy they clothes at the tent and awning shop.

Posted by: Monty at February 28, 2006 03:16 PM (djE5R)

5 It's so fat the their average estimated body fat percentage is 24%.

Posted by: roscoe karns at February 28, 2006 03:27 PM (uTD2Y)

6 They so fat, after sex they smoke a ham.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at February 28, 2006 03:28 PM (spTw1)

7 From the article: Europeans view obesity as a problem that affects others, but not themselves.

You can replace the word "obesity" with a lot of other things, like "racism" or "corruption" or "antisemitism."

Posted by: Carl O. Witz at February 28, 2006 03:28 PM (n1nza)

8 They are so fat that many tip the scales at 240 and beyond.

Posted by: at February 28, 2006 03:30 PM (uTD2Y)

9 Maybe, they need Ace's Big Fkn Whopper of a Taco Burger recipe with an easy to follow description of the units necessary?

Posted by: shawn at February 28, 2006 03:56 PM (H5cZK)

10 When they go to check their mail
it measures on the Richter Scale.

Posted by: Enas Yorl at February 28, 2006 04:15 PM (5wPX8)

11 They so fat, they eat ice cream out of a satellite dish.

Damn, these fat jokes are old.

These fat jokes so old, when Moses parted the Red Sea, the jokes were on the other side, fishing.

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at February 28, 2006 04:31 PM (+JOZv)

12 Vegas is nothing. I just got back from a vacation in the tropics, and you should see all the fat-assed Germans and Swedes on the beaches.

With the women in bikinis, and the men in Speedos.

Frigging Speedos.

Posted by: Alex at February 28, 2006 04:31 PM (fgyj8)

13 Just wait they will blame McDonalds,Burger King,KFC,Carls Jr,Jack in the Boxand the United States for beuilding all those fastfood rastruants in europe and the Euroweenie Union will want the USA punished for it all

Posted by: spurwing plover at February 28, 2006 04:34 PM (1mdPR)

14 They're so fat, when they wear high heels they leave a trail of potholes.

Posted by: CraigC at February 28, 2006 04:58 PM (r7nqq)

15 Light bends just a wee bit more as it passes them.

They stopped wearing yellow, cause kids kept trying to ride them to school.

Posted by: Tom M at February 28, 2006 05:13 PM (CKgL8)

16 They're so fat, Bart's chasing their ladies.

Posted by: geoff at February 28, 2006 05:19 PM (vpYuK)

17 'Fraid not, geoff. Hygiene supercedes phat-ness. So almost all of Euro-trash is eliminated from my mating pool.

By the way, did you see the pic of the Asian cylon on Dave at Garfiled's Rim blog?

When I saw that, I said Dang!, she's so skinny that geoff must be blowing a gasket.

Posted by: Bart at February 28, 2006 05:26 PM (vS1jU)

18 By the way, did you see the pic of the Asian cylon on Dave at Garfiled's Rim blog?

I'll be right back.

Posted by: geoff at February 28, 2006 05:31 PM (vpYuK)

19 They're so fat they wear VCR's for beepers.

They're so fat Michael Moore says, "Goddamn, you're some fat motherfuckers!"

Posted by: Gutless Poster at February 28, 2006 05:31 PM (nsx4i)

20 I'll be right back.

Oh yeah, her - haven't seen the show (it's in my Netflix queue), so I didn't realize she was a Cylon. That's some fine looking Cylon, though.

Posted by: geoff at February 28, 2006 05:34 PM (vpYuK)

21 Oh shit. Sorry geoff. I thought you were a regular watcher.

Just forget everything I said and concentrate on her in a thong by the fireplace, 'kay?

Posted by: Bart at February 28, 2006 05:40 PM (vS1jU)

22 With the women in bikinis, and the men in Speedos.

Yep, Americans may still be fatter, but Europeans are in much more denial. Most Americans know when they're out of shape and cover up. Europeans often seem clueless.

For example, a few years back I was at a big water park, and we ended up up in line for one of the rides behind two French girls. One of them, who was quite hefty, was wearing a tiny little thong.

Posted by: Bob at February 28, 2006 05:44 PM (1QKYb)

23 They're not fat, they're big boned.

Posted by: Don Carne at February 28, 2006 05:50 PM (RJDcF)

24 Sorry geoff. I thought you were a regular watcher.

I've never had cable - refused to allow it in the house. Largely because I'd channel surf all day (kind of like INTERNET). So I pick the series I like and order them on Netflix, so I can watch them all at once and in order. It's worked out pretty well so far.

And BG is way down in the queue, so I have a chance to forget all about her.

Posted by: geoff at February 28, 2006 05:50 PM (vpYuK)

25 They're so fat, in order to nail euro-chicks you have to:

.....slap 'em on the butt and ride the wave in.

.....roll them in flour and poke at the wet spots.

.....find the fold that smells like ass, then count up two.

Forgive me.

Posted by: right at February 28, 2006 06:28 PM (QzgCa)

26 They are so fat my dick is huge.

Posted by: Mike Superior at February 28, 2006 07:10 PM (Zr5Yj)

27 During the wet season, I would call them penguins, cuz they would walk so slow, wobble back and forth, and then open their umbrella's, and while their midget asses would still get wet, I got the added benefit of being hit in the face by their inaffectual umbrella spines.

Posted by: wickedpinto at February 28, 2006 08:15 PM (QTv8u)

28 Well Brits and Germans maybe. I mean, haven't they always been fat? Now, in several other parts of Europe, there is a huge, stark difference between the great majority of slender or slightly overweight Europeans and the enormous number of the stuffed-till-they-burst obese Americans.

There is still a huge difference between being 15-40 lbs overweight and 100-300 lbs. And in the US, the second group is very large as well.

In many parts of Europe, minority immigrant groups that have different body weight cultural standards can often be overweight to obese, while the white Euros continue to be slender or slightly overweight.

The visual difference is still stark.

Posted by: alessandra at March 01, 2006 02:12 AM (n/PLG)

29 Their so fat they make JABBA THE HUTT look skinny

Posted by: spurwing plover at March 01, 2006 05:16 AM (/4Knp)

30 Every major athlete in the US is either "overweight" or "obese" except the golfers. Alot of it is due to the definition of obese, according to the FDA which is based strictly on mass and not body fat. It comes from the UN standard. We get compared to Bangledeshians and Ugandans who've never lifted anything more than 20 pounds in their life. Its total crap-but it's why Michael Jordan was considered "obese".

I wonder if Europe is getting studied the same way.

Posted by: former mos at March 01, 2006 05:57 AM (WwHJ0)

31 It's anecdotal, but I've spent weeks in Britain, and months in Taiwan, and I saw very few people who were obese. Some overweight.

That crap they call "food" is probably why. I wouldn't eat that shit either.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 01, 2006 07:00 AM (pzen5)

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