Ace of Spades HQ

August 13, 2008

Claim: New Ultra-Precise Airborn Advanced Tactical Laser Will Allow Pinpoint Hits With "Plausible Deniability"
— Ace

It even has a "set to stun" sort of mode, allowing its gunners to decide whether to wipe a vehicle out, or merely melt its tires, or somewhere in between.

Artist's conception of the precise timing and vectors
of the back-to-back orgasms I just had.

Problems with "plausible deniability:"

1) When trucks and people start melting for no apparent reason, people are going to probably suspect a laser.

2) If you intend the weapon to give you plausible deniability for secret laser blasts, you probably shouldn't announce, "Hey, check this cool shit out! We have an invisible high-powered laser letting us melt a bitch with plausible deniability!"

That said, it's awesome. The ability to fly a plane into an enemy's airspace and simply begin vaporizing all the thugs and clerics and other assorted assholes who are causing all the problems in the first place will be... quite special, when it arrives. The real super weapon would be some kind of airborne Stroke Gun or Seizure Cannon that somehow fries brain-circuitry in a non-obvious way.

Thanks to DrewM.

Posted by: Ace at 12:56 PM | Comments (64)
Post contains 205 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Hmmmm...perhaps the Georgians will let them test it on the Russians.

Posted by: Edward Lunny at August 13, 2008 01:01 PM (QkaPP)

2 Paging Mick Shrimpton....

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 13, 2008 01:02 PM (Ds4I5)

3 Yeah, that's a plausible deniability problem!

It would be sweet to have one of those flying en route to Tsiblisi delivering a few passengers with some Russian forces melting on the way in. A bit of panic and understanding of who, exactly, has military superiority might go a long way to degrading Russian morale.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 01:02 PM (hawOV)

4 oh man, the idea of a brain damage laser is intriguing. That's going to be interesting.

But as far as the idea that this capability disclosure is stupid to make (and it is stupid to make), there might be a little gaming going on here.

Muslims in poor nations are often ridiculously superstitious. They fear our technology as unlimited. The idea that we can read their minds, melt their brains, have terminator factories, and all that are things that motivate them to behave. Next time a terrorist leader has an embolism, it might be interpreted as a successful attack even if it isn't.

Posted by: ghy at August 13, 2008 01:03 PM (8jYMc)

5 Can it pop popcorn?

Posted by: Stinky Esposito at August 13, 2008 01:04 PM (MMC8r)

6 We Gnostics believe that final liberation is not liberation from the body in the sense of transcending the flesh and going into spiritual arenas, but in death itself. Only then can a "spark" be released and begin moving through the upper levels of the prison-cosmos to rejoin what Paul calls "the Pleroma", which is a Gnostic technical term which means the "Godhead", but is translated very sloppily in English-language Bibles as "fullness" with a small "f". Thus our tendencies to believe in the teachings of the "Living Jesus" (see Gospel of Thomas, Acts of John, Secret Book of John, etc), that is the post-death Jesus, who was clearly weary of life, and didn't particularly like people anyway. The Girl is a different story, and deserves life, love, and freedom, not yet another rape. And yes, the designator was on my chest about five minutes ago.

Posted by: the Railsplitter at August 13, 2008 01:09 PM (/e+Te)

7 Cops. Mitch, it seems.

Posted by: the Railsplitter at August 13, 2008 01:11 PM (/e+Te)

8 Why is everyone always down on clerics? They can cast Flame Strike at level 5 which sounds a lot like this laser weapon to me--let's see some pansy-ass mage top that!

Posted by: ECM at August 13, 2008 01:15 PM (q3V+C)

9 It was hot, and I was hungry!

Posted by: Kent at August 13, 2008 01:21 PM (+MtXg)

10 Of course we'd still have plausible deniability. Tires melt on your APC? A squad of troops spontaneously burst into flame? Global Warming is a bitch.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at August 13, 2008 01:24 PM (plsiE)

11 Muslims in poor nations are often ridiculously superstitious. They fear our technology as unlimited. The idea that we can read their minds, melt their brains, have terminator factories, and all that are things that motivate them to behave.

They also believe that we have harnessed the power of Jooo Cooties.

Posted by: grc at August 13, 2008 01:25 PM (h4JIA)

12 I've been working hand-in-glove with the military on this for 30 years.

I set them up, they knock them down.

How ya like me now, bitches?

Posted by: Al Gore at August 13, 2008 01:26 PM (1WR4H)

13 What's scarier: Advanced Tactical Lasers? Or, Ace's Orgasms?

Posted by: grc at August 13, 2008 01:27 PM (h4JIA)

14 Wasn't there a Star Trek episode (jeez, isn't there ALWAYS an episode?) with an all-seeing, all-knowing TV monitor and you just pushed the button and BLAMMO! Enemy vaporized. Seriously, how about the entire AA defenses of you know where. Fire up some serious JOOO cootie mega joules and roast 'em up!

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at August 13, 2008 01:38 PM (zpaDL)

15 maybe they'll just kinda toss an ark of the covenant replica near the strike site and hope people blame that?

Posted by: cameo at August 13, 2008 01:38 PM (JGIp7)

FTA - "By firing the laser through the beam control system for the first time, the ATL team has begun to demonstrate the functionality of the entire weapon system integrated aboard the aircraft," Boeing exec Scott Fancher said. Mr. Fancher then added that he was "...glad he was standing behind a podium that hid him from the waist down."

That last sentence may not have actually been verbalized by Fancher, mind you.

Posted by: sherlock at August 13, 2008 01:41 PM (ojW85)

17 It's wicked witchcraft! Call the Vicar.

Posted by: Joanie at August 13, 2008 01:51 PM (Yyy1m)

18 Old news. This was originally developed by Karl Rove back in 2000 to disinfranchise democrat voters. Operatives on the ground would inform the pilot whenever an elderly registered democrat was in the voting booth. The pilot would then use the laser to burn out the chad for Bush. This is why there were so many ballots in Florida that had been "punched" for both candidates.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at August 13, 2008 01:56 PM (CiVat)

19 "Now prepare to witness this fully operational Death Star"

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at August 13, 2008 02:01 PM (CiVat)

20 Back in the 80s, LTC Ralph Peters (ret.) wrote a novel, The War in 2020, in which the US was fighting alongside the Soviet Union against the Japanese in Kazakhstan. In 2020, if you haven't guessed.

Shows you how good of an intelligence officer he was.

This was during the Big Japanese Scare of the 80s, when some people like Michael Crichton (Rising Sun) thought the Japanese were going to take over the world.

But he did have the Japanese use a microwave weapon that fried brains but did not kill, only made them into drooling vegetables.

Posted by: icus at August 13, 2008 02:10 PM (Iebtv)

21 Gee, that donk who got shot in Arkansas has died.

Posted by: grc at August 13, 2008 02:11 PM (h4JIA)

22 OT, but wowser crazy

Watch your back, Dick Cheney! Actor Ed Asner, former Dallas Cowboy Mark Stepnoski, and formerly famous hip hop group Arrested Development are leading a petition drive to get a referendum on New York Citys November ballot that would establish a new 9/11 investigation. If the group, called 911 Truth, can collect 30,000 signatures before September 4th, the City Council will be required to consider the measure, which calls for an investigative panel with subpoena authority.

Former Senator Mike Gravel (who would join the panel along with former senator Lincoln Chafee, Asner and 9/11 widow Lorie Van Auken) tells NY Mag that the original commission didnt get to the bottom of anything. We need to investigate from scratch. Among the Top 40 reasons the group gives to doubt the official story of 9/11, from their website:

http://gothamist.com/2008/08/13/ed_asner_wants_ballot_referendum_fo.php

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at August 13, 2008 02:13 PM (nNB9t)

23 Best part of all, icus, is they couldn't communicate, but could think still. Truly a terror weapon.

Fortunately, the US Air Cav saved the day with a bold attack. Why doesn't the US just seize the Kremlin and be done with it?

Okay -- so the book wasn't all that realistic, except perhaps for the weaponry.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 02:13 PM (hawOV)

24 Lincoln Chafee?

Good God.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 02:15 PM (hawOV)

25 I wanted to point out that since Chafee is one the

"
Three prominent Republicans declare their support for Obama

By Edward Luce by Washington

Published: August 13 2008 03:00 | Last updated: August 13 2008 03:00

Barack Obama won the endorsement yesterday of three prominent Republicans, including Jim Leach and Lincoln Chafee, both of whom lost their congressional seats to Democratic opponents in the 2006 mid-term elections."

Chafee the prominent republican is a "troother"

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at August 13, 2008 02:17 PM (nNB9t)

26 sorry for the garbly gook

Posted by: Topsecretk9 at August 13, 2008 02:18 PM (nNB9t)

27 The more I hear the "Life-long Republicans switching to (fill in Dem nominee here) Obama" song, which becomes an MSM golden-oldie every 4 years, the more I know that the O-crowd is running into "buyer's remorse" even before the sale is finalized. Not to mention that hopefully we'll finally peel off a few RINO's like Chafee for good.

Posted by: sherlock at August 13, 2008 02:29 PM (ojW85)

28 God dammit it ate my post. Stupid wonky ass site.

Posted by: Entropy at August 13, 2008 02:29 PM (HgAV0)

I don't want one.

I want two.

Posted by: Swede at August 13, 2008 02:32 PM (zenwj)

This was during the Big Japanese Scare of the 80s, when some people like Michael Crichton (Rising Sun) thought the Japanese were going to take over the world.

Michael Crichton did not think the Japanese were taking over the world.

He does not think that killer nanobot swarms are learning too quickly (Prey), or believe that some scottish dude has fucked up the past (Timeline).

He's made it fairly clear his books are fiction. He's been pretty dismissive about some people and politicians attempts to get legislation passed after finding out about the Saurians secret plan to not stay dead (Jurrasic Park), and cautions against trying to go around banning research to prevent things that aren't even remotely possible because you read a fictional book.

Posted by: Entropy at August 13, 2008 02:33 PM (HgAV0)

31 Do you think this advanced laser could be any use if Russia has really deployed SS-21s with tactical nuclear warheads to South Ossetia?

Too bad you don't have any old avyCrockettBomb.jpg">Davy Crocketts to send to the Georgians. In a nuke fight, might not equal an SS-21, but sure kicks ass over a Stinger or Javelin.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 02:35 PM (hawOV)

32 Best part of all, icus, is they couldn't communicate, but could think still. Truly a terror weapon.

Fortunately, the US Air Cav saved the day with a bold attack. Why doesn't the US just seize the Kremlin and be done with it?

Okay -- so the book wasn't all that realistic, except perhaps for the weaponry.

Yeah, I forgot the part about the victims being kind of trapped in their heads but conscious.

He also had the Air Cav riding a jet-powered Osprey-type VTOL aircraft. No chance of that happening by 2020, since the Osprey itself was in prototype then and is just going into combat service.

I bet he hopes that book is forgotten - The Japanese invading the Soviet Union!

Posted by: icus at August 13, 2008 02:38 PM (Iebtv)

33 Forgive the broken link. I meant "Davy Crocketts".

Now Colin Powell once commanded a battery of nuclear 280 mm artillery pieces. That's more like it.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 02:39 PM (hawOV)

34 Christoph, Davy Crocketts don't work.

They not only are wildly innaccurate, but they would generally be an extreme hazard to the unit firing them.

We have recycled all of them, long ago.

Not that I don't agree with your sentiment that we need to get the Georgians some great weapons... but I think we need to install some kind of disable function... just in case of another Osama situation. There is a slim chance that some of the stuff the Georgians are accused of is true. I don't want to give nukes to anybody that I can't trust.

Posted by: ghy at August 13, 2008 02:44 PM (8jYMc)

The real super weapon would be some kind of airborne Stroke Gun or Seizure Cannon that somehow fries brain-circuitry in a non-obvious way.

It's called Progressivism.

Posted by: Entropy at August 13, 2008 02:50 PM (HgAV0)

36 "1) When trucks and people start melting for no apparent reason, people are going to probably suspect a laser."

WRONG!!!!

It's global warming!!!!

Posted by: Talon at August 13, 2008 02:51 PM (zsLKW)

37 I know, ghy, for goodness sakes, grow a sense of humour. I linked to a video explaining why they don't work.

Once your country had an atomic hand grenade on its inventors drawing books. The plan was quickly shelved because even if it were possible, it would kill the person throwing it.

My real point was I saw a hardly verified bit of speculation via the Jawas that Russia may have moved tac nukes into Georgia.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 02:54 PM (hawOV)

38 By the way, the SS-21s are used for conventional warheads, which seems far, far more likely to me.

Posted by: Christoph at August 13, 2008 03:04 PM (hawOV)

39 The real super weapon would be some kind of airborne Stroke Gun or Seizure Cannon that somehow fries brain-circuitry in a non-obvious way.

We've had that for eight years now. It's called BDS.

Posted by: Original Roy at August 13, 2008 03:06 PM (22uV5)

40 Michael Crichton did not think the Japanese were taking over the world.

I don't think you or I know what MC was thinking, but he was definitely mirroring a wave of fear or concern about a rising Japan during that time, late 80s - early 90s.

Here's some exerpted phrases from an interview of him about the book, but listen and make up your own mind:

MC: My own interest goes back to the late 80s . .. I'm not sure what the original provocation was, but I became concerned when US technological companies began to be sold to the Japanese . . . .the organized country just wipes us out . . . the society has a coherence . . the Japanese are moving ahead . . .

Interviews with Michael Crichton

It is a pretty interesting interview comparing Japan and the US - Crichton lived there for three years.

Posted by: icus at August 13, 2008 03:10 PM (Iebtv)

oh man, the idea of a brain damage laser is intriguing.

I thought so, too, until they shot me with it. Then I was...

Uh..

What were we talking about? Something about George Boosh's illegal war in Iraqistan, right?

Wingers!

Posted by: John Ryan at August 13, 2008 03:15 PM (QoR4a)

42 It's a good thing that leftists can't shoot straight or I would be worried about this falling into the hands of B.O., Pelosi and Reid.

But seriously - put a bunch of them in space ASAP. Make them rechargeable and paint them an awesome colour scheme like black with chrome trim. Or sports car red with lightning bolt decals. Once that is done, send out invitations on White House stationary inviting all rouge regimes to join civilization or else. Then give them some "else".

Posted by: Saul Wall at August 13, 2008 03:51 PM (oYYno)

43 "It's like lasing a stick of dynamite"

Posted by: narciso at August 13, 2008 04:12 PM (8nB5X)

44 When did Ace of Spades become a porn site? I like the change, though.

Posted by: prairiemain at August 13, 2008 05:28 PM (oPAYR)

Posted by: ECM at August 13, 2008 01:15 PM

Plus they get to wear armor and bash people's heads in with maces and hammers. Clerics rule!

Posted by: Don Carne at August 13, 2008 05:43 PM (wSNS7)

46 Oh yeah? Talk to me when you've got the Illudium Pyu-36 Explosive Space Modulator, Earth boy!

Posted by: Marvin the Martian at August 13, 2008 05:47 PM (U9h+H)

47 good thing obie-one will cancel this. its just so unfair!

Posted by: billypaintbrush at August 13, 2008 05:52 PM (wzNOK)

I saw this earlier today on Danger Room. But the sneaky thought came to me that this announcemnt and using the photos of the Russian advance in S. Ossetia is pysch ops. See we have this weapon that can take out your entire tank formation in 26 seconds.

I have seen the amount of Russian people posting suddenly on a variety of blogs in the last 5 days and so I am sure this was noticed. Certainly may make the Russians cautious about confronting the US. Heh!

Posted by: RAH at August 13, 2008 05:58 PM (86SUB)

49 What happens if they put a mirror on their tanks?

Posted by: dave at August 13, 2008 06:18 PM (3J0xV)

50 The real super weapon would be some kind of airborne Stroke Gun [...]

I think they sell those at AdamEve.com

Posted by: annoyamouse at August 13, 2008 06:31 PM (wPRKf)

51 What's up with the purple (?) egg-looking thing? Are the Ruskies transporting giant Easter Eggs?

Another thought I've had over the past week -- with the mention of "columns of tanks," what about the Sensor Fuzed Weapon?

Posted by: Mohammed Atta at August 13, 2008 06:34 PM (bQdYR)

Instant Brazilians, by the millions, from 20,000 feet.

I'll be in my bunk. Forever.

Posted by: fulldroolcup at August 13, 2008 06:58 PM (4JvGP)

53 Stay still for a second , Posted by: dave at August 13, 2008 06:18 PM (3J0xV) ....... and remove the sunglasses , while you're at it .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at August 13, 2008 07:06 PM (Urr4z)

54 Back in the 80s, LTC Ralph Peters (ret.) wrote a novel, The War in 2020, in which the US was fighting alongside the Soviet Union against the Japanese in Kazakhstan. In 2020, if you haven't guessed.

Shows you how good of an intelligence officer he was.

Everyone and their mother was writing techno-thrillers in the 80's. It's called striking while the iron is hot.

Since everyone else in the 80s was writing about the US fighting the Soviets or ChiComs, I'd give him props for providing a different twist on the format. It's called creativity, a desirable trait in a novel.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 13, 2008 07:54 PM (Ds4I5)

55 When I saw the movie "Real Genius" as a kid I had no real appreciation of its liberal finger-wagging message that weapons are bad and shouldn't be made and scientists are pawns for the evil military and blah blah Ronnie Ray-Gun blah blah blah.

It has been a long time coming, but now that the technology envisaged in that movie is finally here. I have considered arguments, pro and con, vis-a-vis the advancement of weapon technology. I have seen many historical events occur, and have had the opportunity to study those which happened before my time. This has led me to the following nuanced reaction to a airborne laser killing machine:

"HAHAHAHAHA! HOW DO YOU LIKE US NOW, BITCHEZ?!?!?11?! SAY HELLO TO MY LEETLE FRIEND!"

Good night, and God Bless AmericaFuck Yeah!

Posted by: Glen at August 13, 2008 08:40 PM (HX/9W)

56 Ralph Peters went into the army as an E-1 and ended up an 0-5. In my estimation that shows a lot of ability . While that may not be much of a recommendation as a novelist I bet he was a better intelligence officer than you would have been, icus.

Posted by: aubrey at August 13, 2008 08:40 PM (P96YG)

57 P.S. What the hell does "lasing a stick of dynamite" mean anyway. Does it mean shooting a laser at a stick of dynamite? Dynamite is detonated by concussion, not ignition so wouldn't lasing a stick of dynamite simply give you hot and or combusting dynamite? Even if you could detonate a stick of dynamite with a laser the blast would only be as powerful as the stick of dynamite.

Ok, this is a pointless and pedantic post. But the simile in that line is stupid, and I'm like Kryptonite to stupid.

Posted by: Glen at August 13, 2008 08:50 PM (HX/9W)

58 What's with the blue dot in the pic? Is William Kennedy firing his laser again?

Posted by: cheshirecat at August 13, 2008 09:17 PM (nhyo6)

59 If it is plausible deniability that you want, just take some metal from a nickel / iron meteorite, form it into a sphere, attach a set of "detachable" guidance fins with GPS navigation, take it into space and deorbit the thing. Once you have it on a good ballistic trajectory, detach the guidance pod and let it slam into whatever. Any scientist would take one look at the debris and conclude it was a "lucky" meteor strike.

Posted by: crosspatch at August 13, 2008 09:57 PM (/XgUc)

60 Apparently, there's no limit to the stupidity of the Goyim. They're still totally unaware of who their masters are. Useful idiots.

Posted by: jon at August 14, 2008 12:03 AM (WFb87)

61 If you don't want me to do this, just give me a sign. Any sign at all.

Posted by: CapVideo at August 14, 2008 08:56 AM (7Ahkq)

62 LOCK PHOTON TORPEDOS ON TARGET AND AWAIT MY COMMAND

Posted by: spurwing plover at August 14, 2008 03:02 PM (Gdmbk)

63 Lasers will never become portable weapons. Maybe on ships and planes. There are far more efficient ways to kill. Particle beam weapons (plasma, neutron) hold more promise than intense beams of light.

Posted by: Mesothelioma Attorneys at July 24, 2011 05:01 PM (Nottk)

64 Bugs like head lice can be uncomfortable to our slodiers on the battlefield. to remove head lice, consider these head lice home remedies.

Posted by: head lice home remedies at July 26, 2011 03:51 PM (Nottk)

Hide Comments | Add Comment