Ace of Spades HQ

June 30, 2006

Britney Spears Nude (Kinda)
— Ace

Bonus: Pam Anderson takes it off for PETA. But this isn't exactly terra incognita at this point. Thanks to Craig for the video.

Britney's nude in Vanity Fair, which means, of course, she's covering her boobies with her hands and is pregnant to boot. Not sure how it became a rule, but apparently skin-pics become tasteful and classy if you're pregnant and covering your boobies with your hands.

Some are posted in this Fark thread.

Some good parody photoshops, too, like one of a nude manatee saying: "Look at me! I'm an attention whore!"

There seems to be an argument about whether or not she's attractive. Come one, pregnant or not, she's cute. Maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but not ugly.

One guy responds to the silly "Britney is soooooo ugly I just can't take it" brigades with this:

Man, I love that. It's funny because it's painfully true.

Posted by: Ace at 07:55 AM | Comments (37)
Post contains 158 words, total size 1 kb.

1 It basically became a rule after Demi Moore did it in the 90s...for the same magazine I think, no?

Posted by: T. at June 30, 2006 07:59 AM (5YMbd)

2 Whoever photoshopped the Vanity Fair cover should win some kind of award. Note that Brit-Brit's cottage-cheese thighs have disappeared, as well as the neck wattles, cankles, shoulder-zits, freckles, and eye-pouches. This is kind of like an alternate-universe version of Britney where she married a human being instead of a mutant and had a real career instead of a trailer-park cliche.

Kinda sad, really. She used to be something of a dumpling. Not beautiful, but cute in a California-girl kind of way. Now she and Lindsay Lohan seem to be a race to see who will get skankiest the fastest.

Posted by: Monty at June 30, 2006 08:02 AM (UdJCa)

3 Believe or not I found the ex-lesbian Anne Heche pregnant-nude photos to be more appealing, and that says it all for these set of pics. Anne even included her hubby in one of the pics, looking on lovingly, which gave it a nice family bonding feel.

It's funny how in all of the celebrity pregnant-nude, the husband is irrelevant; they try for a "madonna and child" attitude. Then again, I don't really want to see Federline either.

Posted by: jmchez at June 30, 2006 08:08 AM (JY98e)

4 I would definately NOT hit it. Just look at those sharp knees. She is well below my standards.

Posted by: ZRyan at June 30, 2006 08:09 AM (LiJvd)

5 Oh, I forgotto mention. Rob Schneider has collapsed on the set of his latest movie. Heat exhaustion and food poisoning. I'm just giddy at the thought. Now if only Adam Sandler would get run over by a car too.

Posted by: jmchez at June 30, 2006 08:11 AM (JY98e)

6 That's a major photoshop / airbrush job.

Sorry, she's really not that hot. Her appeal was that she was cute jailbait. Now she's got two disgusting urchins and lasagna belly.

Done with her.

Posted by: Vyce at June 30, 2006 08:12 AM (tNOhM)

7 She's definitely not as hot as those pics, airbrushed to hell. Plus she's white trash, currently sloppy and unattractive and just an all-around nut.

That being said, I'd still hit it.

Posted by: T. at June 30, 2006 08:14 AM (5YMbd)

8 To her credit, at least she is married to the father of these children.

Posted by: j at June 30, 2006 08:14 AM (yHvEo)

9 OH NO. I'm not fallin' for THIS shit again. You got me to click on that porn-pic of Margaret Cho, but Britney? THAT'S WHERE I DRAW THE LINE.

A couple weeks ago I saw a net pic of Fatass I mean Britney walking into a gas station restroom barefoot. Told me everything I need to know about that skank.

Posted by: at June 30, 2006 08:15 AM (kKjaJ)

10 I really do appreciate these women who think that either when they get pregnant or when they hit 57, suddenly they are comfortable enough to pose nude. Where are the nude shots that we want to see? Ya know, the young, pre-pregnancy, hot nude photos?

Ya see, I get to see a woman who is a little older than Brit, and who has had a few kids, all the time. She's called my wife. I love her, but I don't necessarily think she should be posing nude on the cover of Vanity Fair either.

Posted by: wiserbud at June 30, 2006 08:16 AM (AQGeh)

11 Here's the interview.

Posted by: Rusty at June 30, 2006 08:30 AM (BXC/2)

12 That's a walrus, not a manatee. Manatees don't have tusks.

And yes, the pics are heavily air-brushed. No woman's skin is that perfect.

Posted by: SWLiP at June 30, 2006 08:38 AM (WfQGW)

13 If she were really brave she's do some of that pregers porn stuff.

Posted by: Sad and Lonely at June 30, 2006 08:40 AM (KeOQp)

14 Britney was hot in those halcyon, pre-Federline days. Now, she might as well have grown bat wings and hooves for how much she's changed. It's dark times we live in, man, dark times.

PS-I still think Lindsay Lohan can turn it around, providing she stays home at night sometimes.

Posted by: UGAdawg at June 30, 2006 09:05 AM (9DumO)

15
The problem with airbrushing isn't that women are imperfect. The problem is the airbrushing.

Personally I like the fact that women don't actually look like that.

(btw, check your email Ace...a local University just cancelled their NYT subscription.)

Posted by: Asher at June 30, 2006 09:05 AM (88XUY)

16 They pay photoshop guys by the hour. Combined with the ocular hazard pay that had to be one very expensive retouching job.

Posted by: Stephen Macklin at June 30, 2006 09:08 AM (UquFN)

17 What's an ex-lesbian? I mean, is she really "ex" or is it more like a recovering alcoholic -- give her a whiff of poontang and she's off the wagon in a big way?

Posted by: FormerDem at June 30, 2006 09:20 AM (pOCDI)

18 No walrus looks that good, either. Damn.

Posted by: Roy at June 30, 2006 09:32 AM (2XXia)

19 An ex-lesbian is that bitch who broke up with me in college, telling me that "it's not you...I've just discovered I'm gay.", only to start dating my male roomate less than a week later. Quickest fucking turn-around I've ever seen.

Posted by: wiserbud at June 30, 2006 09:34 AM (AQGeh)

20 What's a FormerDem? I mean, is it really "Former", or is it more like one "Yeeeeearrrrrgh!" and he's sending faxes to Dan Rather?

Posted by: Irony at June 30, 2006 09:40 AM (2XXia)

21 Quickest fucking turn-around I've ever seen.

Damn. That stings. All these years, I thought I was the only one this had happened to. Talk about a blow to the ego.

If she really were a lesbian, it would be one thing, but to find out that it really was just me, that I was so bad it temporarily turned her off of men in general...

I think I need a hug.

Posted by: sandy burger at June 30, 2006 09:46 AM (Cpse7)

22 To Irony and all the other ex-lesbians who may have been offended by my comment, I apologize.

To your question -- no, no, you've got it wrong. A formerdem is someone who used to be a Democrat, but is one no longer. My status as a dem is in the long-forgotten past, when polyester leisure suits were considered business attire in some circles (not mine, just giving you an idea of when I last cast a vote for a Dem).

You described a current Dem in your reply. Sorry to disappoint you, but that's not me. Anyway, wasn't it Rove who was sending faxes to Dan Rather, or at least leaving the fake but accurate memos where they were certain to be found? (if it was, I approve).

Posted by: FormerDem at June 30, 2006 09:48 AM (xC6ih)

23 Damn. That stings.

Wasn't so bad. He broke up with her a few weeks later, telling her that he preferred women. I wish I could have seen the look on her face.

Posted by: wiserbud at June 30, 2006 09:51 AM (AQGeh)

24 I wasn't offended, I just thought it was ironic that someone named "Former-" was questioning an "ex-".

Anyway, wasn't it Rove who was sending faxes to Dan Rather

oooh, Karl Rove. He's the one who turned me straight.

And John Bolton's moustache. Even Sandra Bernhardt's moustage can't compare to that!

Posted by: Anne Heche at June 30, 2006 10:01 AM (2XXia)

25 You know, for a bunch of guys who blast mainstream media for accuracy, you'd think you'd get the title of the magazine right.

Little reading comprehension tip for ya: Vanity Fair is spelled with neither a B nor a Z.

Yeesh.

Posted by: jd at June 30, 2006 10:44 AM (xD5ND)

26 I've never seen a bigger bunch of dolts in my life. You wouldn't hit that? Please. That Studman69 is H-O-T spells gorgeous.

Off to the beach!

Posted by: Mike at June 30, 2006 11:47 AM (8WTw1)

27 Good point, Anne -- my mistake, I didn't realize that sexual orientation was like political affiliation.

Come to think of it though, even though affiliation is a choice, maybe political attitudes aren't, at least not as much as we assume . . . after all, I didn't leave the Dems so much as they left me. Kind of like Zell Miller. One would have to be hard-wired for idiocy to believe some of the crap that the Dems sign up for these days.

Posted by: FormerDem at June 30, 2006 12:22 PM (pOCDI)

28 You're all a bunch of lying turds. Every single last one of you. Despite the cottage cheese thighs, droopy tits and double chin, you wouldn't take advantage? My ass, you'd give a testicle to hit that.

Then again, I'm hitting the beers pretty hard as well and she still looks hot, white trash or not.

Posted by: ErikW at June 30, 2006 02:13 PM (qBWy5)

29 I will go on record by saying that I would begin by making Britney take a nice long bubblebath, then I would bang her till her hips exploded from the sheer force of my thrusts.

Posted by: The Drizzle at June 30, 2006 03:07 PM (UygmY)

30 "then I would bang her till her hips exploded from the sheer force of my thrusts."

What the hell are you packing? A cock the size of an eggplant? If so, you're the man.

Posted by: ErikW at June 30, 2006 03:30 PM (hYRk+)

31 These dizzy dames they will do anything for those twits at PETA including going nude and what if their some little kids around when these ding bats decise to pose in the nude? any one who has anything to do with PETA is stupid and rediclous and just plain out of their minds

Posted by: spurwing plover at June 30, 2006 03:49 PM (PAJqa)

32 "manatee"?

That's a freaking walrus!

Manatees don't have tusks.

/Nobody insults our manatees!

Posted by: Chip at June 30, 2006 05:06 PM (M3MqL)

33 Yes, ErikW, I am the fucking man.

Posted by: the Drizzle at June 30, 2006 05:50 PM (UygmY)

34 "Note that Brit-Brit's cottage-cheese thighs have disappeared, as well as the neck wattles, cankles, shoulder-zits, freckles, and eye-pouches."

Odd... you say "freckles" like it's a bad thing.

Now airbrushing would be cool and all if it actually came out looking like human skin. Airbrushed models tend to turn out looking like they're covered with soft plastic, or maybe that rubber stuff the aliens in "V" used to disguise themselves. No, actually that rubber stuff in "V" looked a lot more like human skin, at least until someone ripped it off.

Anyway, airbrushing needs some technical refinements.

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