March 31, 2007

Pretty Damn Good Amateur Film
— Ace

It's by the guys who did the awful Battle of Shakur Heights on the second season of Project Greenlight (I knew it was them the moment I saw a very effective car-run-down special effect, a gag they'd used to get the job on Greenlight).

Well, I guess that makes them semi-pro. Still, they're doing this on their own dime. It's pretty amazing what halfway competent guys can do with budget special effects programs.

They're Sam Raimi influenced comic/horror type guys, and just were all wrong for the Indie quirky drama/afterschool special Shakur Heights. This is definitely more their metier. Not especially innovative, just a mash-up of elements from Evil Dead 2 and the very underrated House 2: The Second Story (plus, I guess, a bit of low-rent The Beyond.)

There are three episodes posted so far out of four total. Each runs about 3:40.

Thanks to Asher, who I'm guessing enjoyed the Evil Dead homage.


House 2: Wow, YouTube has everything:

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Woman Caught Cheating On Husband, Who Kills Her Lover; Woman Charged With Manslaughter, Husband Not Charged
— Ace

Reason? She induced her husband to commit, in his mind, justifiable homicide. Upon being caught, she yelled rape.

Darrell Roberson came home from a card game late one night to find his wife rolling around with another man in a pickup in the driveway.

Caught in the act with her lover, Tracy Denise Roberson — thinking quickly, if not clearly — cried rape, authorities say. Her husband pulled a gun and killed the other man with a shot to the head.

On Thursday, a grand jury handed up a manslaughter indictment — against the wife, not the husband.

In a case likely to reinforce the state's reputation for don't-mess-with-Texas justice, the grand jury declined to charge the husband with murder, the charge on which he was arrested by police.

...

Tracy Roberson, 35, could get two to 20 years in prison in the slaying of Devin LaSalle, a 32-year-old UPS employee.

Assistant District Attorney Sean Colston declined to comment on specifics of the case or the grand jury proceedings but said Texas law allows a defendant to claim justification if he has "a reasonable belief that his actions are necessary, even though what they believe at the time turns out not to be true."

Thanks to dri.

Posted by: Ace at 08:16 AM | Comments (100)
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Grindhouse Review By Neil Cumpston
— Ace

The guy isn't writing reviews; he's writing comedy, playing the character of a demented 12-year-old retard. So don't take this seriously, but it is seriously funny.

Remember, when George W. Bush was elected, and he said that thing about how, by 2008, we’d have “movies that would explode in our balls like a shotgun filled with handjobs”?

Well, that promise came true two days ago when I saw GRINDHOUSE in Hollywood. Except not only was it a shotgun full of handjobs exploding in my balls, but also my balls suddenly knew how to make fire using karate. All from seeing GRINDHOUSE, a movie that’s made of screaming car crash zombie boobs.

...

PLANET OF TERROR is directed by Robert Rodriquez, which is all I need to say. In fact, instead of his name on poster saying, “Directed By”, he can legally change his name to a picture of a naked Viking woman on a snowmobile with flamethrowers out the back and the flamethrowers are killing a Yeti. That’s the level of guaranteed quality his name brings to stuff.

...

Actually, the fake trailers are kind of a bummer, because I really wish they weren’t fake. Maybe the government will put some “don’t be a pussy” drug in the water supply, and everyone will go see this instead of PILLOW FIGHT AND SCENTED CANDLES AND BOREDOM, or whatever Sandra Bullock movie’s coming out, and they’ll make more of these.

Then the second movie started. It’s called DEATH PROOF. You know what it isn’t-PROOF? Boner-inducing proof.

...

DEATH PROOF is about this dude, Driver Mike, and he’s played by Kurt Plissken, and goddamn but that dude just gets more bad-ass as he gets older. You know how Sly Stallone kind of looks like Bea Arthur now, and Jean-Claude Van Damme looks like Ally Sheedy? Well, Kurt Plissken looks like a dumpster full of drop kicks. He could fuck a bulldozer into eight Mini Coopers. Fuck, I should pitch that to someone.

...

First 300 and now this? I think the summer of 2007 just went, “Hey, let me take you to a free taquito buffet” and you eat all these taquitos and then the summer goes, “Here comes a foot to your stomach”, but you go, “It’s full of taquitos” but it’s too late – there’s a boot in your stomach only the boot is really a motorcycle and you puke up a bikini girl who blows you and then kills your boss with a hammer.

That’s what GRINDHOUSE is. It’s a taquito buffet that you puke up after getting hit with a motorcycle, and it turns into a bikini chick that blows you and kills your boss with a hammer.

Rodriguez and Tarantino probably don’t read this site, but someone should tell them they can use that last paragraph as a quick blurb.

Thanks to The Comish.

Posted by: Ace at 08:10 AM | Comments (23)
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March 30, 2007

Stupid: Internet Body Rejects .xxx Domain
— Ace

Is it just me, or is the easiest, most effective way to block porn from kids simply banning an entire extension like .xxx?

People are stupid, and they like to live in a pretend world. A pretend world, for example, where porn doesn't exist, and Seattle Slough can pay $40 a year to live a "carbon neutral lifestyle."

The U.S.-based Internet governing body rejected a proposal on Friday to create an adults-only zone on the internet, or a .XXX domain.

Supporters of an .XXX domain argued it would make it easier to confine sex sites and filter them out. Opponents argued it would make pornography on the Internet easier to find.

It's so difficult to find right now. I mean -- Google It! You cannot find any Google references at all for "pooter." Oh, wait, you can find almost 500,000.

And I made up that stupid word.

Bill Quick think he's so cool for inventing "blogosphere."

Hah. Piker.

Home of Pooter Media: See, with adult sites given a .xxx domain, no one would run into this sort of disappointment.


The More You Know: The scientific definition:

>well, since it's gone, i can now ask a really dumb question:
> what's a pooter?

I studied Science to intermediate level in secondary school, including Biology. We had exactly one field trip in three years, into the school grounds, where we were armed with Pooters. A Pooter is a small container with two plastic tubes coming out of it. One of them is covered with gauze on the end inside the container. The idea is that you suck through this one while pointing the other one at various of God's Little Creatures, which find themselves rudely transported into your container for future study. Of course the two tubes look very much alike, and if you then suck through the wrong one you get a mouthful of insects.

There's probably a moral.

Éamonn


"Who dares gets a mouthful of earwigs."
"Plus ca change, plus c'est un cafard dans la gueule."
"A louse in the pooter is worth two in the mouth."
"Quis custodiet ipsos pedes?"
"All's well that poots well."
"Look before you suck."

Posted by: Ace at 04:38 PM | Comments (73)
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Russell Ziskey Rates The Taliban: "They're Pussies!"
— Ace

400 homosexual-murdering boy-rapists flee before an Afghan-led NATO offensive:

Complete success is being claimed for the largest Afghan-led operation yet against the Taliban.

Afghan army forces and police have now purged the Nad Ali district of Helmand of 400 Taliban fighters, following a series of chaotic battles.

Allied commanders estimated 70 Taliban fighters were killed in the fighting, while many others fled or gave up their weapons.

Locals said that the dead included at least one senior commander, Mullah Abdul Bary.

"Of course there are some Taliban left in here, but they have dropped their weapons and they are hiding," said Colonel Rasoul, the commander of the 3rd Kandak, the best regular army unit in the fledgling Afghan security forces.

The operation, which began last week during the Persian new year celebrations of Nawruz, involved 400 Afghan security personnel, the biggest Afghan-led sweep yet in the Nato offensive in Helmand.

Crucially, it was also backed by local militias, whose commanders had sworn to remove the Taliban from their land.

The success means that much needed-reconstruction projects, postponed for months due to the Taliban presence, can now begin as planned.

Thanks to dri.

Meanwhile, the Bush Administration, desperately craving a pretext for war with Iran (Google it!), finally released the news that US troops killed an Iranian soldier in Iraq as he firing an RPG.

The action occurred last year. But you know, he's so jonesing to go to war with Iran he suppressed the information.

Until now, of course.


Posted by: Ace at 04:15 PM | Comments (21)
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Father Egged On To Hang Himself In Webcam Broadcast
— Ace

They yell "Jump, jump" in real life, they're certainly not going to be more restrained on the internet:

A father-of-two hanged himself live over the internet in Britain's first 'cyber suicide'.

Kevin Whitrick, 42, took his life after being goaded by dozens of chatroom users from across the world who initially believed he was play acting.

Um, of course they say that. Who wants to admit they encouraged a suicidal man to hang himself?

But as they watched in horror...

They misspelled "macabre pleasure."

... Mr Whitrick climbed onto a chair, smashed through a ceiling and then hanged himself with a piece of rope.

Stunned by what they had witnessed - broadcast on a popular chatroom website used by millions of people across the globe - chatroom users immediately contacted the police.

Immediately, after they got the money shot.

Officers rushed to the electrician's home in the Wellington area of Shropshire within minutes, smashing down the door to try to save him.

But despite their efforts to save him, he was pronounced dead at the scene.

Last night it emerged that Mr Whitrick had been suffering from depression after being badly injured in a car crash last year.

Friends said that the breakdown of his marriage with wife, Paula - with whom he had 12-year-old twins - and the recent death of his father had also been causing him some distress.

I'm so proud to be a human.

From The Gut, where Jim Treacher has written a Rosie-style "poem" about steel's utter inability to melt.

They're also now pushing the Rosie's new favorite catch-phrase "Google It!" over there, which is pretty funny, but an in-joke simply can't be transferred from one blog to another.

Google it!


Posted by: Ace at 04:05 PM | Comments (13)
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Not At All Funny
— Ace

...given the scare over poisoned pet food.

At the time, though, it was kinda funny.

The current SNL has decided to cut out the middleman and just start off not funny. Saves time.


Thanks to dri.

More Will Ferrell dog commercials after the jump. more...

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John Travolta Won't Give Up Flying Everywhere, But Suggests We All Do Our Part To Reduce Global Warming, Like Moving To Other Planets
— Ace

Let me guess. I get to go to that hell-hole colony in Aliens or maybe Hoth, but John Travolta and his swank buddies get to stay on earth.

Am I guessing that right?

But although he readily admitted: "I fly jets", he failed to mention he actually owns five, along with his own private runway.

Clocking up at least 30,000 flying miles in the past 12 months means he has produced an estimated 800 tons of carbon emissions – nearly 100 times the average Briton's tally.

Travolta made his comments this week at the British premiere of his movie, Wild Hogs.

He spoke of the importance of helping the environment by using "alternative methods of fuel" – after driving down the red carpet on a Harley Davidson.

Travolta, a Scientologist, claimed the solution to global warming could be found in outer space and blamed his hefty flying mileage on the nature of the movie business.

But his appointment as a "serving ambassador" for the Australian airline Qantas doesn't seem to have much to do with the movies. Nor does a recent, two-month round-the-world flying trip.

"It [global warming] is a very valid issue," Travolta declared. "I'm wondering if we need to think about other planets and dome cities."

A photoshop of John Travolta's home, with an airplane parked in his garage.

Wait. That's not a photoshop. That's an actual picture.

Has anyone actually seen this movie? I have. It's deliciously awful. I heartily recommend it to anyone who's a fan of bad cinema.


Sympathy For The Scientologist: I think a lot of Hollywood people basically feel mau-maued into parroting the global warming line, for the same reason most "nice people" will say they believe in it (and will also say that anyone who doesn't is evil).

Because they're stupid and gutless.

No way, however, are they giving up their limos, heated swimming pools, and chartered jets to rainforest concerts.

Reducing some nitwits like Travolta to begin talking about "domed cities" and emigrating to Mars.

Posted by: Ace at 12:14 PM | Comments (112)
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Israel: Arrow Anti-Missile Defense System Now "Can Fully Protect Against Iran"
— Ace

Hmmm... not sure if I consider this good news or dangerous optimism.

Recent modifications made to the Arrow enable Israel's ballistic missile defense system to successfully intercept and destroy any ballistic missile in the Middle East, including nuclear-capable missiles under development by Iran, Arieh Herzog, the head of the Defense Ministry's Homa Missile Defense Agency, has told The Jerusalem Post.

In a rare interview that will appear in full in Monday's Post, Herzog provides an inside look at the decision-making process behind Israel's missile defense systems, led by the Israeli- and American-developed Arrow missile, one of the only operational ballistic missile defense systems in the world.

On Monday, the IAF successfully tested a newly modified Arrow interceptor.

Iran and Syria, Herzog said, were investing unprecedented amounts of money in long-range ballistic missile capabilities - with the help of North Korea - and had all but given up building modern air forces.

...

Herzog also said that while there might be missile systems in Iranian hands that the Arrow could not intercept, all of the ballistic missiles "currently operational" in the Islamic Republic could be destroyed by the Israeli defense system.

Posted by: Ace at 12:04 PM | Comments (11)
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Albright Suggests We're Arranging A New Gulf of Tonkin
— Ace

Who'd've thought that Rosie O'Donnell was a leading light in liberal foreign policy opinion?

Oh yeah-- pretty much we all did.

Here's Albright worrying that an "accident" in the Gulf could lead to a new Vietnam in Iran. Well, a new-new Vietnam. We already have the new one.

Of course, she's given to such insane lefty conspiratorial thinking. Albright, remember, famously remarked to Mort Kondracke that she'd heard that Bush actually had already captured Osama bin Ladin, and would trot him out just before the election.

She later claimed she was just joking. Mort Kondracke says she appeared to be serious. And certainly she doesn't appear to have much by way of a sense of humor.

Former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright told Fox News Channel analyst Morton Kondracke yesterday she suspects President Bush knows the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden and is simply waiting for the most politically expedient moment to announce his capture.

Kondracke made the announcement about what Albright told him backstage before an appearance on another Fox show on "Special Report With Brit Hume."

Kondracke was incredulous that a former secretary of state could believe something like that about a U.S. administration.

"She was not smiling when she said this," offered Kondracke, who believes Albright is serious about the conspiracy theory.

The syllogism:

1) War is never justified.

2) There are no external enemies.

3) Ergo, if America should make war, that war is ipso facto unjustified and furthermore created, provoked, and propagandized for by internal enemies, who are the only possible true enemies, given proposition 2.


Posted by: Ace at 11:58 AM | Comments (29)
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Michael Jackson Wants 50-Foot Robot of Himself That Shoots Laser Beams From His Eyes
— Ace

Well, so do I. So what?

I know: But Michael Jackson can actually make this happen, whereas I can't.

I don't think so. I think we're both in the same not-enough-money-for-a-50-foot-doppleganger-robot boat.

One of us is simply sane enough to realize that.

Michael Jackson is in discussions about creating a 50-foot robotic replica of himself to roam the Las Vegas desert, according to reports.

The pop legend is currently understood to be living in the city, as he considers making a comeback after 2004's turbulent child sex case.

It has now been claimed that his plans include an elaborate show in Vegas, which would feature the giant Jacko striding around the desert, firing laser beams.

...

Luckman Van Pier, his partner at the company behind the proposal, claims blueprints have been drawn up for the show and seen by the star.

Wow. He's even got blueprints.

"Michael's looked at the sketches and likes them," he told the New York Daily News.

On the subject of the robot, he continued: "It would be in the desert sands. Laser beams would shoot out of it so it would be the first thing people flying in would see."

Well, Vegas is forever trying to sell itself as a "family friendly" vacation destination. Nothing can be more reassuring to parents than to know there's a 50 foot Michael Jackson robot prowling around the city, plying their children with wine and pornography.

I've got to get Yaron from the Daily Lunch in touch with Jacko:

robot-swing-796595.jpg

He could make a fortune doodling little robots for the fey freak. Could use it to cover the bandwidth for his new-ish site.

Thanks to Drew, who writes, "It's almost an old story, so I understand if you want to sit on it for a few days until it's officially old."

Hah. Yeah, I saw it on Hot Air. Figured everyone else did. Also figured the odds of this ever happening are about as good as Kramer ever building his apartment into "nothing but levels."


Snark: Tushar--

All the 10 foot Robots in the world are getting uneasy at the news.

Posted by: Ace at 11:39 AM | Comments (19)
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Weird Science
— Ace

Since I swiped so much of Crichton's speeches, I'll throw in a link to a book he published late last year, Next. It's all about the brave new world of the commercialization of our very biology.

In a Charlie Rose interview (this and other interviews found here, either video or transcript form) he discusses how someone now owns the disease Hepatatis C. Owns it. They analyzed the genetic structure and then applied for a patent on the disease-- and got it. So now they own it, and if you want to do research on it, well, you have to license the disease from the patent-holder.

Now that's weird but he chalks that up to a mistake, a goofy ruling from the patent office, and one that will almost certainly be legislatively corrected (if it hasn't been already).

But this is very, very weird. How can this be legal?

MICHAEL CRICHTON: This is an old story, this is like the first story.

1980, a guy named John Moore; he is a construction worker on the Alaska pipeline. Gets sick. Big physical guy. Starts to lose weight, doesn`t feel good at all. Goes to his doctor, who is from the Seattle area. The doctor says you have a very rare form of leukemia, and the only place for you to get treated is UCLA.

He goes down to UCLA, sees the expert there. The guy says, yes, we`ll treat you. It`s - it`s an almost uniformly fatal illness. Has his spleen removed, has other treatments. Has chemotherapy, radiation. Survives.

A year later, he`s going back for testing. Everything is fine.

Everything is fine. One day, his doctor calls him up and says we need you to come back for further testing. Doesn`t say why. Doesn`t say - just, you know, something doesn`t quite look right. So, now he`s going back more
and more often. And this goes on for a period of years.

He`s concerned -- no one actually tells him that he`s still sick, but he`s worried about it. And each time he goes back, they take more tissue and more biopsies, and he has a few more forms to sign. A few more consents, a few more releases.

Finally, they`re getting pretty thick. Eventually, you know, he says to his doctor, you know, it`s difficult for me to come from Seattle. Can`t I do these tests up here? No, you have to come down here. Finally he says, "Are you doing some commercial thing with these tissues?" The doctor says absolutely not.

The guy turns around and discovers that UCLA has made a cell line of his cells, which have the characteristic of producing a very large quantity of anti-cancer agents.

It's quite true:

His physician, Dr. Golde, quickly realized the medical and commercial potential of Mr. Moore's cells. Repeated withdraw of "blood, blood serum, skin, bone marrow aspirate, and sperm" was performed on Mr. Moore. With his doctor's advice, part of his spleen was also removed.

In 1984, his doctor patented his cell line without Moore's permission. This patent was then sold to Sandoz Laboratories stocks currently worth about 5 million dollars.

Moore did challenge his doctor's appropriation of his cell line, and the California Court of Appeal noted the irony in the fact that Mr. Moore could not own his own tissue, and that the University of California and the biotech companies saw nothing wrong with having the exclusive control of Moore's spleen.

The Supreme Court of California, however, ruled that the doctor was at fault for failing to inform Moore and getting false consent from him. However, the court denied Moore on the issue of conversion, where Moore claimed the UC and the doctor benefited from his property. The court noted that it was detrimental to research if property status was granted to cells and body parts of the patients. The court also awarded Moore a small amount of money.

Here's the patent.

Well, the only part that doesn't seem proven is the bit about the repeated extraction of tissue after he'd been cured, solely for the purpose of mining his body for valuable cells. But definitely this was all going on without informing him.

Posted by: Ace at 11:18 AM | Comments (14)
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Giuliani Faces "Firestorm" Over Suggestion of Kerik As DHS, Stuff About 9/11
— Ace

The NYT and AP dutifully rehash old allegations. It's just not fair that Giuliani beats the Dems in the polls.

I'll link this pro-McCain blog for the digest.

And because I wanted to link this picture:

041218_giulianikerik_vlwidec.jpg

Subtle, Palmetto State McCaniacs. Very subtle. I am not reminded even for an instant that Giuliani bunked with a couple of gay guys after his ex-wife had him booted from Gracie Mansion.

That said, I'd run a similar picture of McCain who is, you know, almost certainly a homo.

Giuliani's Wife Will Sit In On Cabinet Meetings, If She Wants: Some people are bothered by this.

I'm not. It's called "pandering," and it's a time-honored method of appealing to voters (say, married women) who might not want to vote for you.

Pretty harmless pandering. Does anyone think Giuliani is so pussy-whipped he'll let his wife become a co-president like Hillary! ?

I don't. After all, he's a queer.

Posted by: Ace at 11:04 AM | Comments (22)
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Michael Crichton On Global Warming
— Ace

Justine Levine at Patterico states what he does and doesn't believe about "global warming, and links to a terrific Crichton speech on the subject. It's old, yeah, but awesome. I've linked one of these before; one was new to me.

Some of his links are here, and pretty much the only way to punctuate these is with his final "That just happened!" clip from Talledega Nights.

Links and some excerpts under the fold. more...

Posted by: Ace at 10:27 AM | Comments (61)
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John Murtha Calls For A Draft
— Ace

Posted by: Ace at 09:50 AM | Comments (29)
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Masturbating Trespasser Booted From Fraternity
— Ace

The trespasser was a woman. And she broke in and masturbated in front of fraternity brothers for half an hour.

BumperStickerist notes,

I'm surprised a Lacrosse game didn't break out.

Damnit, I was trying to think of a joke along those lines. Nice.

Anyway:

Police have been unable to locate a woman who entered the Pi Kappa Alpha fraternity house without permission on Thursday and began to masturbate on a couch.

While fraternity members were eating in the dining room, a woman entered the house's living room, took off her clothes and started masturbating, said LSA junior Dan Nye, the president of the Washtenaw Avenue fraternity.

No one saw the woman enter the house or knew how she got in. Nye said she could have entered through the front door, which was left propped open while it was being repaired.

Fraternity members asked the woman to leave the house, but she refused and continued masturbating for about half an hour, Nye said.

That's about how long I'd give her, I guess.

...

She walked out of the front door wearing only a thigh-length black coat after a fraternity member called the police, Nye said. When police arrived minutes later, the woman had already left.

According to a police report, the woman was between 20 and 30 years old, had short brown hair and appeared to be under the influence of drugs.

"Obviously, she was very disturbed," Nye said. "It was not how a normal person would respond to people."

But in a better world than this...

...

Fraternity members said they will throw out two couches in the living room because of the incident, Nye said

Two couches? Nice. I'm going to start rating women according to the number of couches I'll have to discard after thinking of them.

Salma Hayek? There's a four-coucher right there. Used to be a five-coucher, but time catches up with all of us.

How ugly do you have to be to show up wearing only a short jacket, begin masturbating all over a frat house, and yet still get asked to leave?

Supposedly this is a picture of the woman (Light Content Warning: Contains text-ads for porn-sites at the top) not sure if it is, but it matches the description in the article.

I'm not sure that's ugly enough to warrant this disturbing lack of gallantry. And these guys demanded she leave? What's become of our youth?

No, seriously, the woman was obviously disturbed, and I think these guys did the right thing.

After a half hour of watching her, of course. But that's still pretty heroic.

Thanks to Ken.

Posted by: Ace at 09:48 AM | Comments (54)
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Elliot Stein Parody Site
— Ace

Elliot Stein is a great fat lunatic who got into an internet feud with Cathy Seipp and her daughter. That in itself is understandable -- people feud on the internet -- but what turned him into a new internet verb ("to stein," meaning "to behave in such a way that Deborah Frisch says, 'Oh, that's just over the line'") was his choice to continue the feud by spoofing Cathy Seipp's final hours before death.

Just hours before her death, "Cathy Seipp" suddenly seemed to undo decades of hard work with an oddly written letter posted on the Web site, www. cathyseipp.com. In what came off as more bizarre rant than heartfelt apology, her supposed "very last blog entry" called her years of journalism a "shoddy," "despicable" and "irresponsible" career as a "fourth-rate hack." Her political stance? All a mistake...

Friends were horrified. They quickly realized that the letter was the work of an infamous character known as "Troll Dolls" who'd positioned himself as the blogger's archenemy and bought the domain name www.cathyseipp.com years earlier (Seipp's real Web site is www.cathyseipp.net). Troll Dolls is really Eliot Stein, a 54-year-old former online talk-show host and stand-up comedian who had taught Maia in a journalism class for a brief period in 2004, and who blamed Maia and Seipp for his departure from the school after only five weeks...

"He's a genuinely weird dude [who wrote] a rambling, odd, mean, totally cruel series of posts... designed to trick well-wishers, as Cathy lay dying, into reading a torrent of rage and bitterness against her," Rob Long, an L.A. television writer and longtime friend of Seipp's, wrote in an e-mail. "Just immensely cruel. It was easy to ignore when she was alive, but as she died it became intolerable - thousands and thousands of people wanted to reach out to Cathy and her family in the days surrounding her death, and this guy tricked, perverted and deeply hurt them. And for what? A years-old grudge?"

He says:

“I’ve got an incredible sense of humor,” Stein said. “I’m an expert at Photoshop.”

The first is obvious. The second is debatable.

eliot_stein.jpg

Were he an expert at Photoshop, he might have added something big in the background to create the illusion of slenderizing him. Like, I don't know, the Duchy of Luxembourg.

Well now comes the inevitable, quite necessary Elliot Smith parody blog.

I've been feeling pretty low today, so I did something to cheer myself up. I heard the ice cream man coming up the street, and it's like 90 degrees today, so I thought, "what an opportunity!"


I put on my underwear, grabbed $400 in cash, and went outside. There were at least twenty kids gathering on the hot sidewalk, eagerly waiting to cool off with some refreshing ice cream treats. So, when the truck pulled up, I pushed my way to the front of the line and bought every single item the guy had, then paid the guy two hundred-fifty dollars if he'd promise to not sell ice cream to any of the kids in my neighborhood from now on; only to me. Then I slapped the two nearest kids in the face and told them all to get fucked, and then went inside and took a nap. I feel better now.

Now that's the work of an incredible sense of humor.

Amy Alkon may or may not have something to do with this.

Thanks to PaulM.

BTW, CathySeipp.com was apparently pulled down by Smith's internet service provider on cybersquatting grounds. I'm almost certain I read this on Patterico, but I can't seem to find the post even after looking three times.

Posted by: Ace at 09:12 AM | Comments (20)
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Oh, Dear: Reagan The Hippie-Slaughtering Killer
— Ace

First I thought this was a fakey internet thing, then I realized it was too professional looking to be fake.

Awesome. Reagan is "the ultimate buzzkill."

phpThumb.php.jpg

Opens on 4.20 (huh, huh, huh).

I don't know. I guess this is disrespectful. But in some ways, it's the ultimate tribute.


Posted by: Ace at 08:50 AM | Comments (34)
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Militia Thugs, Fresh From Iranian Training, Return To Baghdad
— Ace

Dire news. But I suppose it was inevitable. And, I suppose, also necessary. They'll have to be beaten at some point.

Shi'ite militiamen, who melted away from Baghdad when U.S. and Iraqi troops began their security crackdown seven weeks ago, are rolling back into the city with fresh Iranian training, Iraqi and other officials said.

It is not clear whether the radical Shi'ite cleric Muqtada al-Sadr is in control of the newly trained group, which some Iraqis describe as a "secret army" trained and equipped by Iran.

U.S. forces are concerned that, despite Shi'ite leaders' assurances that they have pulled their fighters off the streets, uncooperative militias will return and seek to destabilize efforts to secure the city.

Videotapes and other evidence of Iranian propaganda have been found on people recently detained in Sadr City, said a member of one of the multiple Iraqi and U.S. security forces trying to return security to Baghdad.

...

A new element appears to be entering the territory: an extreme Mahdi Army splinter group that broke off from Sheik al-Sadr, went to Iran for training and started to return, said one Iraqi with intimate knowledge of the group.

"This is a special group, used for special operations, not controlled by Muqtada al-Sadr. This is a secret army," said the Iraqi, who asked not to be identified for fear of reprisals. "They work for Iranian intelligence. They have good weapons, good salary."

The group's objectives are not clear, but the Iraqi said he thought the goal was to exacerbate simmering strife between Sunnis and Shi'ites.

The daily number of sectarian executions is creeping up again in some neighborhoods of Baghdad, despite an enormous coordinated security effort by U.S. and Iraqi forces that has reduced incidents of violence.

Thanks to amish.


122 Dead In Blast: The carnage continues.

Posted by: Ace at 08:36 AM | Comments (15)
Post contains 320 words, total size 2 kb.

Nine Inch Frog
— Ace

Kermit does Nine Inch Nails' "Hurt." It's so sad to see a frog shoot smack.

Via Ann Althouse, who's defending the public's choice of Sanjaya as American Idol, partly because it will help reduce homophobia.


Whoops: Allah already had it. Should have figured. I guess I'll make it up to him by stealing his other Kermit video. Kermit embeds in Iraq:

It's not easy being a mean green killing machine.

Posted by: Ace at 08:30 AM | Comments (19)
Post contains 76 words, total size 1 kb.

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