August 31, 2006

Top 10 Explanations given by John Travolta for his Runway Man Kiss [Jack M.]
— Ace

10. "Tom tells me that the best way to purge body thetans is thru radical tonsil massage."

9. "Hey...what 'Little Barbarino' wants, 'Little Barbarino' gets."

8. "You know what they call that in France? A 'Tubesteak Royale'. It's classy."

7. "I'm a method actor, and I thought the play was called 'Bi Bi Birdie'."

6. "Grease is so passe....All this attention is evidence that they should accept my suggestion to rename it KY for 21st Century audiences."

5. "After all the probing I went thru during the TSA screening, I felt I had one coming."

4. "You think this will finally make people forget about 'Battlefield Earth'?"

3. "You try being satisfied coming home night after night to a beautiful woman like Kelly Preston. It's impossible, I tell you!"

2. "I don't know how you were brought up, but where I come from it's considered rude not to French Kiss the co-pilot after an on-time arrival."

And the number one reason given by John Travolta for his man kiss?

1. "It's Saturday Night and I got a Fever. The only prescription? More Manilow!"

Note: Neither John Travolta nor his representatives actually said any of this, you morons.

Posted by: Ace at 09:22 PM | Comments (17)
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Evening AoSHQ Ladies [Hugh Jackman, a close personal friend of Dave in Texas]
— Ace


How you doin?

My close, personal friend Dave in Texas asked me to drop by and post a hiya to all the Ace of Spades HQ ladies this evening. I'm sorry I'm so late, but it's way early on a Friday here at home, in the last part of winter for us, and I am a bit of a sleepyhead in the wintertime.

Dave's a stickler for details, and wanted to make sure while I greeted all the lovely AoSHQ ladies, I gave a special shout out to kevlarchick (happy b-day darlin), bbeck, (watch out for those monster skeeters), and humpy-humpback lauraw (great tan!) this morning.

Dave and I will be hanging out at the pool over your upcoming holiday, what do you call it? Work day.


Anyway, if you can make it down to sunny Texas this weekend, look me up!

Posted by: Ace at 08:41 PM | Comments (76)
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Okay... Back. I Think. (Never, never buy Dell.)
— Ace

Spent all yesterday doing, well, you know. Spent all day today recovering. I don't think I've strained that much in my life. I drank one large coffee and four diet Red Bulls by 3pm and I stll could have taken a nap at any moment (if I could nap, which unfortunately I can't).

Internet went out, and was on and off only spotilly throughout the day. I'm still trying to figure this new USB wireless card out. And the balky router it connects to. more...

Posted by: Ace at 08:41 PM | Comments (77)
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Cycle Sluts From Hell -- Michael
— Ace

I'm not going to post music videos all night, like yesterday, but this one was requested by Purple Avenger, and he's one of my favorite commenters. So WTF.

Posted by: Ace at 07:55 PM | Comments (12)
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And Now, a Few Words From Jules Winnfield
— John From WuzzaDem

Oh. My. GOD!


Say it ain't so, Vincent!


First, Lance Bass, now John Travolta? I'm not sure how much more of this I can take.

H/T: Mrs. R.

UPDATE: Hey, at least he wasn't kissing Ann Coulter!

Posted by: John From WuzzaDem at 07:53 PM | Comments (32)
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WSJ: Moron bloggers will kill your traffic and your readers will drop you faster than a used rubber [Thomas Jefferson]
— Ace

Or words to that effect.

You can carefully choose your vacation replacements, like Malkin and Instapunderit. Or as See-Dub notes, you can corral a bunch of feces-flinging monkeys to watch the store.

Takes a pair of brass ones to make that second choice. Or two bottles of Valu-rite vodka in less than 24 hours.

I blame the VR. So do any of you reading my moron posts.

I calls em as I sees em. And if I don't sees em, I makes em up.

h/t to See-Dubya at JunkyardBlog, who coined the phrase "feces-flinging monkeys who post nothing but music videos" and you'll notice I didn't post a goddam one of em.

Well, he said most of that.

I think he works at a zoo or something.

He has a fabulous smoking jacket. Ladies, I'm talking fabulous.

Posted by: Ace at 07:01 PM | Comments (9)
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Flat Daddies -- Michael
— Ace

I'm not sure about this.

Flat Daddy.bmp

Maine National Guard members in Iraq and Afghanistan are never far from the thoughts of their loved ones.

But now, thanks to a popular family-support program, they're even closer.

Welcome to the ``Flat Daddy" and ``Flat Mommy" phenomenon, in which life-size cutouts of deployed service members are given by the Maine National Guard to spouses, children, and relatives back home.

The Flat Daddies ride in cars, sit at the dinner table, visit the dentist, and even are brought to confession, according to their significant others on the home front.

What does Flat Daddy confess?

``I prop him up in a chair, or sometimes put him on the couch and cover him up with a blanket," said Kay Judkins of Caribou, whose husband, Jim, is a minesweeper mechanic in Afghanistan. ``The cat will curl up on the blanket, and it looks kind of weird. I've tricked several people by that. They think he's home again."

He's not home. His wife and kids need the prayers and support of their friends and family, not a piece of cardboard.

This just doesn't sound healthy to me.

Boston Globe - Guard Families Cope in Two Dimensions

Thanks to Unqualified Offerings

Posted by: Ace at 05:13 PM | Comments (87)
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Does it hurt when Uranus is Eclipsed? [Jack M.]
— Ace

Personally, I wouldn't know. But those of you looking for answers might be glad to know that the Hubble Space Telescope is on the case and has produced the first ever image of Uranus being eclipsed one of it's moons (Ariel).


The photo appears on the site, along with the accompanying article.

Apparently, transits of Uranus are relatively rare, as the article indicates that they happen only once every 42 years.

Clearly, then, the AoS lifestyle (in which Uranus is a rather prominent player, if his horoscope is to be believed) is purely an Earthbound phenomenon.

Science, people. Is there anything it can't do?

Posted by: Ace at 03:02 PM | Comments (73)
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Go go Godzillatron! [Dave in Texas]
— Ace

81 feet tall, 136 feet wide,

In your face burnt orange.

The largest Jumbotron in the world (for a short time, according to the article).

Man, don't you know Vince Young would have loved to see himself on that big screen.

Ramonce would have too but he done messed all that up. Too bad.

Posted by: Ace at 02:06 PM | Comments (48)
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It Was Byrd
— Ace

So, his spokewoman lied. Just as I suspected.

My guy always comes through.

West Virginia Democratic Sen. Robert Byrd admits that he placed a "secret hold" on legislation that would make uncovering the Byzantine world of federal contracting as easy as typing a Google search.

Tom Gavin, spokesperson for Byrd, confirmed to Cox Newspapers that the senator placed the hold on legislation introduced by Sens. Tom Coburn, R-Okla., and Barack Obama, D-Ill., before voting on the measure.

Byrd joins Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, for holding up the bill right before Congress left town on August 4.

Byrd merely wanted more time to evaluate the legislation that would create a new database of some $2.5 trillion in federal spending on contracts, loans, financial assistance and insurance.

"Senator Byrd wanted time to read the legislation, understand its implications, and see whether the proposal could be improved," Gavin said.

Byrd has released his hold, now that there "has been time to better understand the legislation," Gavin said.

"Senator Byrd believes that the bill should be debated and opened for amendment, and not pushed through without discussion," Gavin said.

"There was an effort to pass a bill on an important subject without debate just before the Senate recess," Gavin said. Senators have an obligation to their constituents to know what they are voting on before signing off on any proposal, he said.

"On August 2, the last day before a month-long Senate recess, a Senate committee gave its approval to a brand new piece of legislation, cosponsored by Senator Obama and Senator Coburn," Gavin said. "That same day, there was an effort to rush the legislation through the Senate without any Senator having the chance to ask questions," he said.


Thanks to Deep Stoat.

Posted by: Ace at 11:23 AM | Comments (57)
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Open Thread / Vent
— LauraW.

What's up kids?

Me, I just read today's Ann Coulter and am regretting it.
I used to read her habitually, but she's so ugly now that I am loathe to go there anymore. Her latest is as bad as anything she's ever written.

Enjoy her latest. NOT.

I wonder if she came up with the title herself.

UPDATE: If I'm a shrinking violet, I'm in Godly Company.

UPDATE II: Did a search of this site with the keyword 'coulter.'

Holy crap. I knew there were at least two previous Coulter posts, but had no idea this had been rehashed so many times before.

To recap and refresh: I apologize for the glib-snark tone of this post, which has inflamed some (rho). I should have mentioned that I had long admired Ann Coulter, but at some point she just seemed to chase controversy for its own sake, and that's when she lost me. I miss the old Coulter zing, and it doesn't look like her better craft will come back any time soon.

And it also looks like I have no leg to stand on when it comes to ham-handed bashing that comes off as assholishness.

rho, if you're done with my ass, I'd like to have it back please. My head's getting cold.

Posted by: LauraW. at 10:04 AM | Comments (300)
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National Guardsman Attacked [posted by Harrison]
— Ace

The soldier was walking to a convenience store when a sport utility vehicle pulled up alongside him and the driver asked if he was in the military and if he had been in any action.

The driver then got out of the vehicle, displayed a gun and shouted insults at the victim. Four other suspects exited the vehicle and knocked the soldier down, punching and kicking him.

But don't you DARE question their patriotism.

From KIRO-TV via Drudge.

Posted by: Ace at 09:28 AM | Comments (32)
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Shot Across the Bow
— Slublog


The University of Illinois is in many ways a classic state university system. Urbana-Champaign is a flagship, with a history of Nobel laureates and competitive admissions. The Chicago campus has been very much on the rise in the last 10 years, expanding research and graduate programs and attracting academic stars. Springfield has more of an undergraduate and liberal arts focus.

All three campuses have some distance education programs, but the university system is now getting ready to launch a whole new campus, creating an online division that could eventually rival the individual campuses in enrollment levels, operating in a very different environment. The University of Illinois Global Campus would be operated as a separate for-profit entity, have almost entirely part-time faculty members (and none with tenure), and focus on a relatively small number of degree programs.

Obviously, this plan is extremely unpopular with faculty, because tenure is the one thing faculty will fight to the death to protect, as shown by this quote in the article from an unidentified faculty member:
“Tenure is a very critical concern because it is a hallmark of the academic freedom that is needed for intellectual inquiry,” said the professor. “If people are all part-time and non-tenure track, is that a university? Is that a faculty? It’s certainly the University of Phoenix, but it’s not traditionally what has been the University of Illinois.”
If academic freedom is so important, then I think faculty across the country should be more critical of those in their ranks who abuse it. As we've seen in the cases of Ward Churchill and Kevin Barrett, some faculty consider academic freedom a license to delve into any crackpot theory or personal tirade in the classroom. With the cost of higher education going up, people are going to be much less patient with professors who waste classroom time on political issues unrelated to their academic discipline.

Keep an eye on this one - it's going to get ugly.

Posted by: Slublog at 06:14 AM | Comments (38)
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Path to 9/11 [Retired Geezer]
— Ace

I haven't had time to come up with an intelligent post on my own; no horse stories or pictures of the grandkids, no attempts at teh humor or shameless blog pimping.
I'll just link Patterico's excellent review of ABC's upcoming movie:

For those who have been asking for a clear historical account of the build up to the 9/11 disaster, free of political spin, politically correct whitewashing and partisan wrangling - I can say wholeheartedly that this is the film that you have been waiting for.

“The Path To 9/11″ is astonishing.
It is an amazing achievement on many levels. It is flat out one of the best made-for-televison movies seen in decades. The only thing that would keep this movie from theatrical distribution is its nearly 5-hour running time (split over two days in this instance). Forget CNN’s “replay” broadcast from 9/11 - Trust me and mark your callendars to watch ABC these nights.

The Clinton administration will likely go ballistic over this film. (Perhaps why ABC isn’t pushing it at as much as they should be??) It does not have a ”partisan” feel to it by any means. The Bush administation comes in for some criticism (Condi Rice in particular comes off rather poorly), but that is nothing comapred to the depiction of Sandy Berger and former Secretary of State Madeline Albright. I doubt that they will be able to show their faces in public after this (and also helps to explain why Berger was so earger to try and illegally remove classified documents from the archives before his Senate testimony on the 9/11 events). If Bill Clinton’s current purpose in life is solidify a positive ”legacy” for his time in office, this film has the potential to be his biggest hurdle to overcome yet...

The Path to 9/11 ~ Patterico's Review

CORRECTION: It was Justin Levine, not Patterico.

Posted by: Ace at 04:45 AM | Comments (93)
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August 30, 2006

Keep On Dancing -- Michael
— Ace

In a comment thread below, Amish is bitching about the fact that I have not posted any AC/DC.

I'm thinking about this.

Ace does not really want his site to be trashed up with a lot of music videos. Despite all of his funny shit, Ace wants to be taken seriously as a credible political commenter with a relevant point of view.

On the other hand, Amish is a regular commenter at Innocent Bystanders.

It's after 3 a.m. and Ace is not here. That dumbshit gave me the password to his blog.


Posted by: Ace at 10:31 PM | Comments (12)
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Rammstein -- Sobek
— Ace

Now that Michael has managed to take the wussiness factor of this site to new levels, it's time to butch up a bit. This video has the three basic pillars of masculinity: German, heavy-metal guitars, and a smack-fiend dominatrix as Snow White. What's not to love?

Posted by: Ace at 10:25 PM | Comments (15)
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Dance Party!!! --- Michael
— Ace

Ace is gone. It's after 2 a.m.

Let's just burn up his bandwidth and DANCE!!!

P.S. Ace, please note that I tried to post some serious shit, in order to maintain the gravitas of your site while you were gone. Not just baby poop, mind you, but obscure census data about college graduates. But it's late and I've been drinking.

P.P.S. Plus, your blog was named "Michael of Spades" only for about 8 minutes, so I think I should get some points for self-restraint. I don't think anybody noticed except Bart and Hayeus, and I've banned both of them.

Posted by: Ace at 09:11 PM | Comments (9)
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More Music - AnalogKid
— Ace

Speaking of female vocalists ... Just kidding.

Posted by: Ace at 08:31 PM | Comments (9)
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Chuck E's In Love -- Michael
— Ace

Actually, I can do better if we're going to listen to the female vocalists of yesteryear.

Posted by: Ace at 08:14 PM | Comments (4)
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Poverty Train -- Michael
— Ace

Hey, it's late. Time for some music.

Laura's post on welfare reform, and my post on the diminished circumstances of college graduates, reminded me of an old Laura Nyro song.

Posted by: Ace at 08:09 PM | Comments (4)
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