March 31, 2006

That Didn't Take Long: Cynthia "Slappy" McKinney Says Her Only Crime Was "Being In Congress While Black"
— Ace

Nice!

I'm glad when I don't have to wait around for crap like this. Instant gratification and all.

I happen to have an exclusive-- the actual charges to be filed against Cynthia McKinney.


COUNT ONE: "Being in Congress while black" (CLASS A FELONY)

COUNT TWO: Driving Under the Influence of Barry White (CLASS B MISDEMEANOR)

COUNT THREE: Reckless uppitiness (CLASS A MISDEMEANOR)

COUNT FOUR: Aggravated Sass in the second degree (CLASS A MISDEMEANOR)

COUNT FIVE: Refusing to yield to The Man when he demands you shuck and jive for him (CLASS C FELONY)

COUNT SIX: Carrying Soul Without a Permit (CLASS B MISDEMEANOR)

COUNT SEVEN: Possession of TRUTH! with intent to distribute (CLASS A FELONY)


In related news, O.J. Simpson says, "Word. All I was guilty of was sawing off two people's heads while black. They let white people do that all the time. I hear that Gary Busey has an entire basement filled with hitchhikers' severed genitals. But when a black man butchers a couple of people they make a big deal out of it, like it's a crime or something."

Posted by: Ace at 12:00 PM | Comments (142)
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Human Catapult Parachuting
— Ace

Cool video, as a parachutist is bulleted into the air by the world's biggest wrist-rocket and then parachutes down.

The only thing that could possibly make this past-time more dangerous, I think, would be to strap an epileptic alligator to your chest while doing it.

Thanks to John.

Posted by: Ace at 11:38 AM | Comments (22)
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Canada Deporting Illegal Immigrants In Droves
— Ace

And yet it's racist for America to put up a wall.

Posted by: Ace at 10:43 AM | Comments (21)
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Lasers Used To Make "Eyeglasses" To Fit Fly
— Ace

Risky Buzziness, DDG headlines:

Looks kind of like Jeff Goldblum, as it turns out. I can just imagine him acting all weird as he tries to pick up Scarlett Johansen.

Some guys are working on a cure for cancer. This guy wants to cure vermin of myopia.

An entry in a German science-photo competition, this image shows a fly sporting a set of "designer" lenses crafted and set in place with a cutting-edge laser technique. The glasses fit snuggly on the fly's 0.08-inch-wide (2-millimeter-wide) head.

...

Micreon, based in Hannover, Germany, created the fly's eyewear using ultrafast laser micro-machining. The firm notes on its Web site that the process can create objects with high precision at scales of less than a thousandth of a millimeter.

In related news, Glenn Reynolds just had a nine minute orgasm. He's expected to fully recover within three months.

Via Allah, who's guest blogging at Michelle Malkin's.

Posted by: Ace at 10:39 AM | Comments (15)
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Mexican Flag Burned At High School
— Ace

Backlash?

This week’s tensions over immigration reform literally caught fire in the East Valley on Thursday when students raised a Mexican flag over Apache Junction High School — and then other students yanked it down and burned it.

“I know (they) shouldn’t have burned the Mexican flag,” said Jacob Stewart, a 16-year-old sophomore. “I heard it was raised above the American flag and that just irked me.”


Thanks to Craig.

Posted by: Ace at 10:10 AM | Comments (45)
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457 Pound Woman To Be Cremated After Lying In Morgue For Weeks
— Ace

...due to a dispute over how much it should cost to light this big gal up:

A woman whose 457-pound body sat in a morgue for more than a month during a dispute over the cost of her cremation will be cremated within the next few days, officials said Thursday.

Charlotte Ann Blue died Feb. 6, but she wasn't immediately cremated because Dallas County and the crematorium it contracts with disagreed over the extra dollar per pound charged for bodies weighing more than 300 pounds.

Blue's son, Sam Roberts, said he believed his mother had been cremated under a county indigent plan until he called to get a death certificate.

"That's when I was informed that for the last two months she's been sitting in the deep freeze at the medical examiner's office because the crematorium that does business for the county says, 'Oh well, she's too big (and) too fat," he told WFAA-TV on Wednesday.

Thanks to Craig.

Posted by: Ace at 10:06 AM | Comments (31)
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Shock: Women Say One-Night Stands Are Immoral
— Ace

They didn't need to a study to confirm this. Women tell me this all the time.

I could further tell you that most women say "I have a boyfriend" or "Go away or I'm calling the bouncer." 75% of women, moreover, like to express themselves in nonverbal ways, such as with chemical mace.

Anyway.

They are apparently more sexually liberated than ever before - but most women still believe one-night stands are immoral, research shows.
Forty years after the dawn of women's lib, British females judge friends and acquaintances who indulge in casual sex as being 'needy' and 'deviant'.

The study of women's attitudes towards sex revealed that women of all ages believe that sex outside marriage or a committed relationship is wrong.

Those who have one-night stands do so out of desperation or drunkenness.

...

Researcher Dr Sharon Hinchliff asked 46 women aged 20 to 83 about their views on sex.

Ninety per cent thought casual sex was wrong and only 10 per cent admitted having a one night stand.

Women of all ages were judgmental of those who sleep around, with some of the younger women being harsher than the pensioners.

The women also had double-standards, with some of those who had had one night stands in the past saying it was wrong for others to do so.

Women have one standard for themselves and another for other people? There's the real bombshell in this study.

Posted by: Ace at 10:03 AM | Comments (39)
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Air America Debacle Marks Anniversary; Public Yawns, Media Fawns
— Ace

The Daily News headlines its kissy-ass story:

After 2 years, Air America grows progressively upbeat

Grows? Its ratings and availability are shrinking. How is that "growing"?

And as for upbeat... well, whatever.

Radio Equalizer notes the network's ratings continue to be in the toilet. And that it only remains in operation because of cash infusions from wealthy liberal benefactors, like George Soros.

This presents an interesting question which has always been vague: If campaign finance laws say you can't make donations exceeding a certain amount on behalf of a candidate or party, isn't it, you know, kind of illegal or something to donate to a "media company" which is not a company in the sense it actually turns a profit or ever has any hope of paying your loans back? Isn't that just laundering campaign donations through a front?

I remember this being discussed when the McCain-Feingold bill was being debated. A guy from the NRA (I think) said that if the only way to get an opinion out is via the "media exception," the NRA would just start publishing its own free magazines and newsletters, and producing and disseminating "documentaries," and maybe even start a cable channel. As a "media organization," they could then support whatever candidate with as much speech as they liked, just like the New York Times.

That's a sham, in the sense that it seeks to disguise the actual intent of the operation. Not that that's necessarily a bad thing; if you can circumvent a bad law by adhering to its letter but not its spirit, that's a good thing. But I think a judge would probably rule such an effort a subterfuge and call it a disguised campaign donation.

But no one will ever look into Air America. George Soros, being a good leftist, is permitted to subvert campaign finance laws in a way the NRA never would be allowed.

Posted by: Ace at 08:37 AM | Comments (25)
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Muslim Man Divorces Wife, In His Sleep; Sharia Law Upholds The Divorce
— Ace

It reminds me of that Steve Martin bit where he said it was some custom, somewhere, to divorce a wife to say "I break with you, I break with you, I break with you," and then throw poop on the woman's shoes.

In Sharia law, a man can immediately divorce his wife -- no judges needed! -- by simply saying "talaq, talaq, talaq." A Muslim man said this in his sleep, after taking sleeping pills, but he says he didn't mean it and the couple want to stay together.

Local religious authorities may require them, per Sharia, to remarry, but only after a three month separation, during which time they won't be allowed to see each other freely (as women can't see a man not a family member without a chaperone or whatever).

I don't know if I buy the couples' story -- if he just said it in his sleep, why does everyone seem to know about it? -- but it is yet another strange custom, made further strange by the insistence that it take full effect, even though the man is now calling "take-backs."

Posted by: Ace at 08:25 AM | Comments (18)
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Atrios Steals My "Cowbell" Schtick
— Ace

Raising money for some candidate, he uses the "more cowbell" to indicate money flowing in.

Hmmmm... where have I seen that before?

So, between six thousand open threads, he occasionally includes some "original content," which he found someplace else.

Millions of readers a month. Sheesh.

Thanks to Chris.

Posted by: Ace at 08:15 AM | Comments (16)
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Yesterday Paris, Today Berlin, Tomorrow The World!
— Tanker

Police help control Berlin school

What, unruly students? Lazy teachers?

Hey, it happens in the best of cities.

A teacher who recently left the school told the Tagesspiegel newspaper that ethnic Arab pupils were in the majority and were bullying ethnic Turks, Germans and other nationalities.

"Things have been getting worse and worse because people seem to be crazy here. They are bringing knives and weapons to school," the teenager said.

Oh. Well, I'm sure that the same people who brought you two world wars will get this under control in short order!

The education minister for Berlin, Klaus Boeger, said the school would soon be given two social workers and two psychologists to help pupils.

Nevermind.

Posted by: Tanker at 07:42 AM | Comments (10)
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Arrest Warrant Will Issue For Cynthia "Slappy" McKinney
— Ace

Update: She did play the race card, as was perfectly predictable. As an Ace of Spades exclusive, I have the arrest warrant against her.

Yes!

Capitol Hill police plan to issue an arrest warrant today for Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-Ga.).

The warrant is related to the incident Wednesday when McKinney allegedly slapped a Capitol Hill police officer.

Charges could range from assault on a police officer, which is a felony carrying a possible five year prison term, to simple assault, which is a misdeamenor.

McKinney has canceled a news conference that she had scheduled for this morning to discuss the incident.

McKinney issued a statement yesterday saying she "deeply regrets" the confrontation with the police officer.

The six-term congresswoman apparently struck a Capitol Police officer when he tried to stop her from entering a House office building without going through a metal detector. Members of Congress wear identifying lapel pins and routinely are waved into buildings without undergoing security checks. The officer apparently did not recognize McKinney, she said in a statement.

Asked on-camera Thursday by Channel 2 Action News whether she intended to apologize, McKinney refused to comment.

I guess she forgot to present her RaceCard. I'm sure she won't make that mistake in the upcoming weeks.

Get ready for the racial-grievance/victim campaign for McKinney. We'll be told all sorts of things, like she's only being punished for acting "uppity," etc.

Slapping a cop is not "uppity." It's a felony, Cynthia.

Of course, this will probably only make her more popular in her district.

Posted by: Ace at 06:56 AM | Comments (76)
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March 30, 2006

No Fake Boobs In Space
— Ace

All these years my Heavy Metal comics have been lying to me.

"Virgin Galactic," the private company planning to eventually begin sending up shuttles into space for space tourism, fears that implants may explode due to the cabin pressure (or lack thereof) on spaceflights. Something about the O-rings in breast implants, or something.

And so may ban anyone from flying who's had breast augmentation surgery.

Now, I have never heard of this so-called "breast augmentation surgery," and I imagine not many of you have, either. So Sky News (Rupert Murdoch's outfit, of course) is nice enough to include this picture with the story, just so you know what they're talking about:

There's no picture of space, or a designer's concept drawing of the Virgin Galactic shuttle. Nope. Those things you are free to imagine on your own.

But hyperinflated breasts? The story needed a picture of those, for purposes of "context." And, I guess, "nuance."

Not that I'm complaining. Just sayin'.

Thanks to the SkinerSphere.

Posted by: Ace at 01:54 PM | Comments (48)
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How The FBI Let 9/11 Happen
— Ace

One guy knew Moussaoui was Al Qaeda, intended to hijack a plane, and was trained to do so.

He briefed his higher-ups in the FBI. Tried to warn the FAA, but was blocked from doing so. Even had a memo that was briefed to CIA director George Tenet.

Nobody cared.

Posted by: Ace at 01:46 PM | Comments (71)
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Democrats Get Tough On Terrorism
— Ace

An amazing new national security plan has two key provisions:

1) "Responsibly redepolying" US troops from Iraq (i.e., bugging out as soon as we can get the transport ships and planes in);

and

2) "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

Eliminating Osama bin Ladin! Why hasn't anyone suggested this before? It's one of those ideas that's so novel and yet compelling you wonder why you never thought of it!

Critics say the plan "lacks specifics," but then, crticis are always saying stupid shit like that. Besides, the Democrats do have some specifics. They have a specific five point plan to "eliminate" Osama bin Ladin:

1) Let all Americans know with a massively-overhyped silly little fart of press release that they are ready to "get tough" on Osama, and in fact intend to "eliminate" him.

2) Use this new credibility on military policy to win back the Congress and then impeach President Bush. And then Cheney, too, because that guy is just scary.

3) Repeal all of President Bush's tax cuts and provide subsidies for health care and education.

4) Grant amnesty to all illegal immigrants, thereby reducing the threat of terrorists sneaking in as illegal immigrants. If there is no illegal immigration at all, you see, there is no threat from it. Q.E.D.

And finally:

5) "Eliminate" Osama bin Ladin.

When pressed for details about this crucial step five, Hillary! spokesman Harold Wolfson released a further plan, this one even more specific about "eliminating" Osama bin Ladin.

1) Find Osama bin Ladin, so that he can be eliminated.

2) Send people to where he is now known to be, so they will be in a position to eliminate him.

3) Arm them with weapons appropriate to the task of eliminating him, such as, inter alia, guns, knives, nunchucks, and other useful implements of elimination.

4) Impeach President Bush.

5) Eliminate Osama bin Ladin.

So, there you go. The Democrats have a plan. And all they need to execute this plan is 1, your voting them back into power, 2, your allowing them to impeach President Bush, and 3, nunchucks.

Posted by: Ace at 01:19 PM | Comments (69)
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Red State Texas Goes Ga-Ga For Hillary!
— Ace

So reports the American Prospect's blog Tapped.

Senatrix Hillary!, we are told, is holding fund-raisers in the reddest of red-state Bush county -- in Texas, of all places.

Well, the piece does get one thing right-- she was, in fact, in the state of Texas.

The writer apparently is unaware of, or chose to deliberately misrepresent his knowlege of, the fact that there are blue enclaves in every red state. We tend to refer to these, collequially, as "cities" or "wealthy, liberal-leaning suburbs."

So Hillary! is wowing them in counties in Texas that went 49% or even 56% for John Kerry in 2004.

Similarly, NYT musical critic/"politcal pundit" Frank Rich gushed that Brokeback Mountain would sweep the heartland, because it was doing so well in the super-red-state mid-America heartland town of Plano, Texas. Kausfiles checked into this (scan wayyyy down) and found that Plano wasn't quite as red as Frank Rich had suggested:

: Remember Plano, Texas, the Mid-American city where Brokeback Mountain's ticket sales so impressed Frank Rich and others with the film's hard-core red-state appeal? When Wal-Mart decided to open a new experimental "upscale" store, featuring a sushi bar, an espresso bar, $500 bottles of wine--but no guns--guess where they decided to do it? ... Reports A.P.: "f plasma TVs, microbrewery beer and fancy balsamic vinegar sell in Plano, those items could be added to stores in other affluent communities." ... Plano is in fact an affluent Dallas suburb. ...

I'm annoyed at the dishonesty, of course. But I'm more peeved at the arrogance-- the idea that they can get away with peddling such transparent lies. How stupid do they think we are?

Very, very stupid, apparently.

Coming: Heartland, mid-west farm-country Illinois* rejects tough measures to limit illegal immigration, showing that America doesn't want such measures!

* Cook County, Illinois, to be exact. I think it's better known by another name, but I can't think of it off the top of my head.

Posted by: Ace at 01:07 PM | Comments (26)
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Cheney: Documents Will Show Close Saddam-Osama Tie
— Ace

Finally.

There are two major sources of frustration about this matter.

First, if there is evidence of a closer Saddam-Osama tie than recognized generally, why is the administration so reluctant to say so?

Second -- and this derives from the above -- I have had the bad feeling that war-supporters were being cynically used and misled through this period. There is just enough information dribbled out to let us suspect a stronger Osama-Hussein tie, and thus argue for such a thing, but no administration official will actually stand behind such a claim. Leading me to suspect the Administration might well know there is no strong evidence of such, and yet they're more than willing to quietly leak tidbits to the conservative press to let the faithful continue harboring misconceptions.

But if Cheney's on board, even in a somewhat muted fashion, I'm less skeptical about where this information may be leading:

Vice President Dick Cheney predicted Wednesday that thousands of boxes of documents captured from Saddam's Hussein's former regime will show that the Iraqi dictator had a much closer relationship with Osama bin Laden than was previously known.

"I think what we'll find as we get a chance to go through and analyze these documents -- there's some 50,000 boxes of them that are now being made available here over the next few months -- that we'll see a pretty complete picture that Saddam Hussein did, in fact, deal with some pretty nefarious characters out there," Cheney told Fox News Radio's Tony Snow.

Asked if he was referring to Osama bin Laden, Cheney replied:

"Yes, we don't know the full scale of it there yet, and I don't want to make a hard and fast prediction here. But there is reporting, obviously, that we've seen over the years that there was some kind of a relationship there between the Iraqis and Osama bin Laden."

...

The vice president stressed that nothing in the new documents uncovered so far links Saddam to the 9/11 attacks. But he added: "That's a separate proposition from the question of whether or not there was some kind of a relationship between the Iraqi government, Iraqi intelligence services and the al Qaida organization."

Yes, he's speaking in terms of the future -- "predicting" what he thinks the documents will show, not saying what they show at the moment -- but still, it's good to finally have a high-ranking Administration official stand behind the suspicions that so many war-supporters have long harbored.

Posted by: Ace at 12:48 PM | Comments (86)
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NYT Seriously Misrepresents FISA Judges' Testimony On NSA Intercepts
— Ace

What a shock. The NYT and the particular reporter writing the story have both an ideological and professional interest in establishing that Bush acted illegally, and so they write the judges essentially said that.

What they actually said, among other things:

Senator Feinstein: Now I want to clear something up. Judge Kornblum spoke about Congress's power to pass laws to allow the President to carry out domestic electronic surveillance, and we know that FISA is the exclusive means of so doing. Is such a law, that provides both the authority and the rules for carrying out that authority, are those rules then binding on the President?

Judge Kornblum: No President has ever agreed to that. ***

Senator Feinstein: What do you think as a Judge?

Judge Kornblum: I think--as a Magistrate Judge, not a District Judge, that a President would be remiss in exercising his Constitutional authority to say that, "I surrender all of my power to a statute," and, frankly, I doubt that Congress, in a statute, can take away the President's authority, not his inherent authority, but his necessary and proper authority.

Senator Feinstein: I would like to go down the line if I could. *** Judge Baker?

Judge Baker: No, I do not believe that a President would say that.

Senator Feinstein: No. I am talking about FISA, and is a President bound by the rules and regulations of FISA?

Judge Baker: If it is held constitutional and it is passed, I suppose, just like everyone else, he is under the law too. ***

Senator Feinstein: Judge?

Judge Stafford: Everyone is bound by the law, but I do not believe, with all due respect, that even an act of Congress can limit the President's power under the Necessary and Proper Clause under the Constitution. ***

Chairman Specter: I think the thrust of what you are saying is the President is bound by statute like everyone else unless it impinges on his constitutional authority, and a statute cannot take away the President's constitutional authority. Anybody disagree with that?

[No response.]

Chairman Specter: Everybody agrees with that.

Sounds like the judges were saying, pretty clearly, that no act of Congress can take away an inherent power of the president. It's not established, exactly, that the President has such inherent power, but the judges didn't seem to reject the notion out of hand.

Posted by: Ace at 11:12 AM | Comments (11)
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Lynn Swann Holds Lead Over "Popular" Gov. Ed Rendell
— Ace

For years I've been hearing how popular this guy was, how unbeatable.

Not quite unbeatable:

Republican challenger Lynn Swann held a slight lead over incumbent Democratic Gov. Ed Rendell in a statewide poll released today, with a third of registered voters indicating they were open to voting for either man.

Thirty-five percent of those surveyed in the IssuesPA/Pew Poll said they were likely to vote for Swann, the retired Pittsburgh Steelers star and former college football television analyst. Twenty-nine percent said they would probably support Rendell, and 34 percent were considered up for grabs.

Rendell, a former Philadelphia mayor, is running strongest in that city and its suburbs. Swann's greatest support is in the state's south-central and southwestern regions.

Swann's press secretary, Melissa Walters, called the poll "another example of the clear momentum behind Lynn Swann's campaign and the growing support for change and reform in Pennsylvania."

I wasn't sure how Swann would fare, now that the McCain-Feingold Act has banned the use of Stick 'Um in campaigns.

Posted by: Ace at 11:07 AM | Comments (20)
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Chinese PC's May Come With Bonus Feature: Spying On Everything You Do
— Ace

So, IBM sold its PC manufacturing arm to the Chinese -- the most aggressive state sponsor of hacking and computer espionage in the world. The US Government approved of the sale, because, you know, what possible harm could come from the sale of one of our biggest PC manufacturers to the most aggressive state sponsor of hacking and computer espionage in the world?

Well, shockingly enough: Significant harm, it turns out.

The kicker? The US government itself is in negotiations to purchase 16,000 of these possible spy PC's.

The United States government is planning to spend roughly $13M USD on computers from Lenovo. The company, famous for buying up IBM's PC manufacturing arm, is working on a deal with the US government to produce roughly 16,000 computers. Just recently, the U.S.-China Economic Security Review Commission (USCC) has requested that Lenovo be probed for any concerns about possible spying, eavesdropping or worse.

The supposed problem presented by the USCC is that the 16,000 computers are being built by a Chinese-mainland company. The USCC argues that a foreign intelligence like that of the Communist Party of China (CPC) can use its power to get Lenovo to equip its machines with espionage devices. Lenovo has strongly declined that it is involved in any such activities.

Some analysts call the concerns kneejerk and paranoid, but then, it should be remembered that China is the most aggressive state sponsor of hacking and computer espionage in the world.

Did I mention that?

Thanks to DDG.

Posted by: Ace at 10:01 AM | Comments (33)
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