June 29, 2007
— Jack M. It's a Friday Night, which means that the future Mrs. Jack M., Fox News' Miss Suzanne Sena, and I like to drive into Old Town, Alexandria to indulge in the rich, flavory goodness that is a Baskin Robbins milkshake.
Scoff if you will, but it is the simple things in life that help keep our relationship strong. As such, I left my apartment in a phenomenally good mood. I put the top down on my car. Suzanne fiddled with the radio until she found a station playing Liza Minelli classics. (Such are the burdens I endure to bring happiness to my beloved Suzanne.) The stars were out shining in force, and it seemed like nothing could disturb the idyll of two young and crazy kids cementing their love over mint chocolate chip (Suzanne) and Reese'e peanut butter (Me) ice cream.
I was wrong though. Soon our picture perfect outing would be shattered. The dark side of the Senate's immigration debate would interject itself into our romantic outing. I was to come face to face with one of the shadow people. All seemed normal as Suzanne and I entered the Baskin Robbins. Suzanne, of course, was dressed as you might expect: the living embodiment of the electric elegance she portrays every night on her 2:30 AM overnight cut in.
I, however, had made a fateful choice. In a flight of fancy, I dug deep into the wardrobe and resurrected a long lost "G.O.P" t-shirt which I had last worn while working on the Clinton Impeachment proceedings. To add insult to injury, I had also added a "U.S. Senate" baseball cap to my ensemble, a left over from my days of service in that body.
As Suzanne worked on deciding which of Baskin Robbins 31 tasty flavors to choose from, I felt a menacing presence. It was as if I was being watched. In fact, I was.
From behind the counter I noticed a 4' 11" dynamo of ice cream preparation. Her name tag read "Iris" and she handled the scoops with a deftness one would have expected could only come from a rhythmic gymnast. Or someone who had destroyed a pinata or two in her time. Or maybe both.
In any event, I noticed her glaring at me, spinning her scoops in her hands as if they were an extension of her own body. Her manner told me that she had hurt men before with these weapons of cold destruction. I began to flinch.
"Jack, I'm scared," I heard Sena whisper. "Maybe we should just leave."
"No, Suzanne. I promised you a milkshake, and a milkshake you shall get. I'll handle this."
I proceeded to the counter. Iris glared at me, her eyes scanning my shirt, and then my hat, and then my shirt again.
"Que?", she asked.
"I'd like a mint chocolate chip milkshake, and a Reese's peanut butter milkshake,please" I replied.
"Si", she answered. And yet she made no effort to move. She just stood there, twirling her twin scoops of steely death. In the background I heard a lonesome train whistle blow.
As the seconds turned to minutes, I began to believe that we might never get our icy beverages. In fact, I was already making plans to fall on the scoops so that the lovely future Mrs Jack M. could make a dash for safety and survival. Suddenly, Iris spoke.
"Gringo, why ees it you want to keep mi hermanos and hermanas een the shadows" she asked.
"Because Ice Cream melts in the sun", I said, trying to defuse the tension with a joke.
"Jack," Suzanne whispered, "this is no time to be smart. I don't want to have to report your death when I'm breaking into Red Eye at 2:28 AM!"
I heeded Miss Sena's words. She has never led me wrong before. "Iris," I explained "I don't want you to live in the shadows. I want you to come here legally. If so you are welcome. As are your hermanos and hermanas."
I sensed skepticism in her eyes, but noticed her grip on the scoops slackening.
"Look, Iris, lets not focus on that which divides us. Right now, lets focus on that which unites us. Like, for example, our love of ice cream."
"Si!" she replied.
Slowly she began to fill our order. First Suzanne's milkshake. Then mine.
As I attempted to pay for the milkshakes, Iris stopped me. "Before I can give you these milkshakes, gringo, I have to ask a question."
"Fine," I said, "fire away."
"Ees eet just me or ees Ron Paul a complete and total douchenozzle? And eef I can follow up, ees it that hees supporters are completely loco?"
"Iris," I replied, "if you ever need a sponsor for citizenship, you just call on me".
"Si, Meester Jack. I will. Amigo."
As I walked back to my car, milkshake in hand, Suzanne whispered in my ear, her brown eyes tearing over at the beauty of the cross-cultural exchange to which she had just witnessed. Until you've seen the streetlights reflect off the joyful tears of Miss Suzanne Sena, you haven't lived a full life, my friends.
And I have to admit. Even I got a little choked up. Who knew a trip to Baskin Robbins could be so satisfying?
Posted by: Jack M. at
05:21 PM
| Comments (36)
Post contains 894 words, total size 5 kb.
Of course this from a guy that totally has a thing for Reena Ninan.
Posted by: Sinistar at June 29, 2007 05:29 PM (KyMWc)
Posted by: Slublog at June 29, 2007 05:30 PM (jXijA)
Posted by: someone at June 29, 2007 05:34 PM (TXnhk)
Posted by: Sticky B at June 29, 2007 05:36 PM (wkjFE)
Posted by: PattyAnn at June 29, 2007 05:43 PM (X5AWA)
Posted by: geb4000 at June 29, 2007 06:12 PM (0GJFS)
Posted by: pbrown at June 29, 2007 06:53 PM (NP8hw)
But what it comes down to is this: I just don't placate.
Sometimes, you know, a chick will ask you "does this video blog make my political point look good?" And you gotta be honest. You gotta say "No."
Posted by: Jack M. at June 29, 2007 06:56 PM (T93tD)
Posted by: MikeX at June 29, 2007 07:30 PM (GLMrI)
Ok, I couldn't tell if this was going to be a true story. Then I googled Miss Sena, and did the math.
Posted by: davidr at June 29, 2007 10:46 PM (RB9WP)
Posted by: Wickedpinto at June 30, 2007 12:39 AM (QTv8u)
Posted by: jiminjersey at June 30, 2007 02:36 AM (2zbJD)
She's cheating on you, dude.
I saw her snuggling with Alan Colmes at a Edwards fundraiser last week.
You bein' played.
Posted by: eman at June 30, 2007 04:06 AM (FWrFx)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 05:03 AM (0zlao)
That's a touching story. Can you ask the future Mrs. why Fox News is in the tank for Guiliani and played down the whole amnesty is not good for the nation thing?
Posted by: FormerFoxWatcher at June 30, 2007 05:12 AM (ojH/g)
Posted by: eman at June 30, 2007 05:17 AM (FWrFx)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 06:03 AM (lCNIO)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 06:05 AM (lCNIO)
...except for two minutes before closing time, when eighteen people will stampede in here with lengthy jobs.
But that goes without saying.
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 06:11 AM (lCNIO)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 06:52 AM (lCNIO)
Posted by: eman at June 30, 2007 07:16 AM (FWrFx)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 07:37 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 07:41 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 07:43 AM (T93tD)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 07:44 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 07:48 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: eman at June 30, 2007 07:53 AM (FWrFx)
Cat-launchers are worthless. Automatic cat corers and deveiners is where the money is these days.
Saves a lot of manual labor. Back in the day, it took 5 Chinese restaurant employees all day to core and devein two dozen cats.
Now that job can be done by one person in one hour. Just slam the kitty on the spindle and crank away.
Wait.
-what?
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 07:57 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2007 08:00 AM (Qf+tc)
Posted by: jhc at June 30, 2007 11:14 AM (nHRdf)
Posted by: Levy at July 02, 2007 06:48 AM (wQwxc)
Posted by: Jim Treacher at September 01, 2007 12:02 AM (0jtcT)
Posted by: awznb at October 22, 2007 09:45 PM (VhJ9S)
Posted by: amery buck at April 15, 2010 04:08 AM (i2nYc)
Posted by: Burberry Outlet at April 12, 2012 07:35 PM (cdmKX)
Posted by: Dre Headphones at April 20, 2012 06:30 AM (9niYc)
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