Ace of Spades HQ

September 12, 2008

American Al Qaeda Adam Gadahn Dies Peacefully of Adult-Onset Diabetes and Adult-Onset Hellfire Missile, But Mostly Adult-Onset Hellfire Missile
— Ace

Update: As far as I know, there was no Gadahn video released yesterday, even more strongly suggesting he's dead. He and his overweening ass are now stinking up the joint in Hell.

Interesting. The CIA equipped a missile with advanced sensors that zeroed in on his "Taco Bell fart signature," and scored a kill.

Maybe. It's unconfirmed, just suspected due to the curious silence of this husky-sized Koranic Chatty Kathy, best known for haunting the internet with dire warnings of destruction as well as the relentless recruitment of young new prospects with the Islamic aphorism "a/s/l? -- I'm harder than Osama's left kidney. LOL. (wink)"

We'll see if this Brave Islamic Warrior, who's responsible for the deaths of "literally thousands of White Castle Sliders," parks his fat ass in front of the camera to tape his annual September 11th propaganda video.

Months of attacks by unmanned US predator aircraft have caused carnage among the middle ranks of terrorist leaders in the lawless lands along the border with Afghanistan, where al-Qa'eda remains dangerous despite suffering a serious defeat in Iraq.
Their victims have included experienced Arab leaders and, it is now thought, Adam Gadahn, a former heavy-metal fan and so-called "killer computer nerd" originally from California. Nothing has been heard from him for months, leading intelligence experts to conclude that he may be dead.
...
But he may have fallen victim to an expanded programme of predator assassinations which in the last year has targeted and killed many of al-Qa'eda's military commanders, terrorist trainers and facilitators.

I guess the expanded program Super Sized him to death.

Fat, dead and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

Thanks to David.

Email from Hell:

Is it me, or did it just get fatter in here?
Posted by: abu musab al zarqawi, sitting in Hell

Posted by: Ace at 10:00 AM | Comments (74)
Post contains 352 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Buy-bye Adam, I hope the barbed cock of Satan thrusting in and out of your backside seriously fucks you up.

Posted by: Blazer at September 07, 2008 11:42 AM (+FzLa)

2 I have it on good account that little Adam turned down Osama at first, then agreed to join when Osama promised him a 72 piece Chicken McNuggets instead of virgins.

Posted by: runninrebel at September 07, 2008 11:44 AM (qAMnO)

3 Hey big boy, me link spam you long time.

Posted by: FX�� at September 07, 2008 11:45 AM (igWJX)

4 Best headline yet!

Posted by: EC at September 07, 2008 11:46 AM (j2Tjh)

5 Wait, they killed an American citizen and likely Democrat voter without a warrant, let alone a trial?

This is an unacceptable attempt to hold down turnout in the Terrorist-American community.

It's just another example of Bush's fascist tendencies. Unbelievable.

Posted by: Democrats at September 07, 2008 11:46 AM (hlYel)

6 Imagine Adams horror when he arrived in hell and found very horny Merv Griffin waiting for him.

Posted by: Blazer at September 07, 2008 11:47 AM (+FzLa)

7 Eh.

This Adam Gadahn fag didn't strike me as the fightin' type. More like the talkin' type -- like most of the muslim cowards.

Posted by: Bart at September 07, 2008 11:50 AM (h66Dm)

8 Lets get the story straight, ok? He died of AIDs, via Milky Loads.

Posted by: Barack "Man Child" Obama at September 07, 2008 11:54 AM (UUwxQ)

My (our) tax dollars at work...

And I damn well approve this message!

Posted by: Kipper Snacks at September 07, 2008 11:54 AM (+Q0+O)

10 I'm sorry, but they're not assassinations. They're legitimate military strikes against enemy personnel and C3I infrastructure.

Posted by: Simon Oliver Lockwood at September 07, 2008 11:55 AM (QyYEn)

Oh I'm sure he wasn't much of a fighter, Bart, but he sure needed killin'.

I hope they got him. So much better to do him in the field than to let some lawyer make a name defending him for years.

Posted by: captkidhussseiney at September 07, 2008 11:56 AM (TVjed)

12 It never ceases to amaze me. If it had been any other similar and just as hateful cult, such as the KKK, Gadan's and Taliban John's parents would have interceded and put a stop to it long before it got out of hand. I guess a pathological hatred of America, American customs, and women, is acceptable as a phase the kid is just going through.

Posted by: grc at September 07, 2008 11:58 AM (7PWvE)

13 Actually, if you must know the truth, the reason you have not seen him is because we ate him. Yeah, sorry. Had to have the protein, you know. Carrying the fight to the infidel is hungry work.

Posted by: Hungry Jihadists at September 07, 2008 11:59 AM (nuuDA)

14 I predict Adam, (PredatorBUH), will deliver a strangely non-specific AQ hoorah this year.

Posted by: DngrMse at September 07, 2008 12:01 PM (u/+56)

15 No worries here, he still gets 3 votes for me, death does not DQ in our party.

Posted by: Obama's Zombie voters club at September 07, 2008 12:03 PM (h/5U0)

16 "Fat, dead and stupid is no way to go through life." That's good and stuff.

Posted by: mare at September 07, 2008 12:06 PM (xMkst)

17 Good night, funny man.

Posted by: wiserbud at September 07, 2008 12:13 PM (EW49d)

18 By the way, I'm incredibly offended by your use of a horribly debilitating disease like diabetes to make this joke.

Hater.

Posted by: wiserbud at September 07, 2008 12:14 PM (EW49d)

19 Theological question. If a Hellfire missile flies directly up the old caramel carvern, do you get virgins or power glutes in paradise?

Posted by: Old Dad at September 07, 2008 12:34 PM (JQwWt)

20 Via con Doritos, brave little Jihadi idiot.

Posted by: MrMCM at September 07, 2008 12:37 PM (taagk)

21 Ace, admit it, you had that post title already written and filed away, waiting for this day, am I right?

Posted by: Nice Deb at September 07, 2008 12:38 PM (E1rLc)

"Nothing has been heard from him for months, leading intelligence experts to conclude that he may be dead."

Now, why don't he write?

Stupid Bastahd!

Posted by: David at September 07, 2008 12:40 PM (CTSya)

23 >>>Ace, admit it, you had that post title already written and filed away, waiting for this day, am I right?

Actually I'm 99% sure it's a repeat.

I run out of these.

Posted by: ace at September 07, 2008 12:46 PM (1WR4H)

24 Is it me, or did it just get fatter in here?

Posted by: abu musab al zarqawi, sitting in Hell at September 07, 2008 12:47 PM (4ZOxD)

25 it's not like they couldn't get a radar sig on his enormous....ego

Posted by: Frank G at September 07, 2008 12:51 PM (P0rQD)

26 Take that, Dad! Who's special now, huh?

Posted by: the ghost of Adam Gadahn at September 07, 2008 01:09 PM (JBuzy)

27 8/ "Lets get the story straight, ok? He died of AIDs, via Milky Loads."
Posted by: Barack "Man Child" Obama

Ridiculous! Everybody knows AIDS doesn't kill white people! It's bio-engineered to target negritude. Ask Wrev Wright!

Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at September 07, 2008 01:21 PM (30OWg)

28 I wish they'd used the 30mm cannon on him. The high-explosive shells would've made a mess of his fat ass. For confirmation of my thesis, watch this: http://www.liveleak.com/view?i=f55_1218548389 Now that we've won in Iraq, the military isn't shy anymore about showing what they had to do to these animals. Imagine the jihadis' last seconds, as they watch the line of explosions getting closer and closer...

Posted by: Tom W. at September 07, 2008 01:32 PM (jR+wW)

29 Im thinking it may have been a suicide, as after realizing you've just inhaled a Hellfire Missle he's thinking "Oh Crap", "that was a Hellfire Missle I just swallowed" and "KaPOW" he blows himself up, nothing there to indicate it wasn't peaceful though.

Posted by: David at September 07, 2008 02:04 PM (CTSya)

30 His loving parents will probably file a lawsuit against the US Gov't for 'excessive use of force'. After all, it wasn't like he was a ciminal or anything. Just a young guy trying to find himself.

Posted by: GarandFan at September 07, 2008 02:21 PM (HLrE4)

31 Hilarious!

My favorite Adam story is that of his "marriage." Some AK47-toting Taliban compadres attacked the tent of his "fiance" and dragged her away for the ceremony. Her father later said, oh, he turned out to be a nice man.

What a civilization!

Posted by: PJ at September 07, 2008 02:37 PM (GVdvM)

32 13 Actually, if you must know the truth, the reason you have not seen him is because we ate him. Yeah, sorry. Had to have the protein, you know. Carrying the fight to the infidel is hungry work.

Posted by: Hungry Jihadists at September 07, 2008 04:59 PM (nuuDA)

Umm.. HJ- you *do* know pork is halal, dontcha? Cuz it's right there in the Quran next to the bit about Islam being the Religion of Peace and... um... OK, never mind

Posted by: Kipper Snacks at September 07, 2008 02:37 PM (+Q0+O)

33 But he may have fallen victim to an expanded programme of predator assassinations which in the last year has targeted and killed many of al-Qa'eda's military commanders, terrorist trainers and facilitators. Bob Woodward says the Technical Means boys have a Technical Means which in the last year has greatly facilitated the the tracking and solving of the Technical difficulties involved. Some one has slapped bar codes on the tops of their keffiyehs.

Posted by: Potosi Joel at September 07, 2008 03:00 PM (TPRbZ)

34 Enjoy the never ending fires of Hell douchebag. The world laughs as you scream in agony.

Posted by: dri at September 07, 2008 04:04 PM (yenTy)

35
Not to worry. In some Chicago precinct, he'll still be pulling the lever for Obama come November.

Posted by: Brown Line at September 07, 2008 06:26 PM (OMiLl)

36 The advantage of vaporizing this blatherskite with an AGM-114 Hellfire? When a Clinton-appointed judge says "Habeus corpus?" you answer, "Nope, no corpus."

Posted by: Bob Hawkins at September 07, 2008 07:14 PM (pnBkj)

37 Eternity Adam Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha

Posted by: Zombie Reagan at September 07, 2008 07:45 PM (Pf1aQ)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOErZuzZpS8 Yes Adam Eternity Ha HAa Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Zombie Reagan at September 07, 2008 07:48 PM (Pf1aQ)

39 Couldn't have happended to a nicer asshole.

Posted by: GarandFan at September 12, 2008 10:06 AM (HLrE4)

40 A link to Andi in the headlines????
what...What....WHAT?????

Posted by: Rocks at September 12, 2008 10:07 AM (Q1lie)

41 Dead Muzzies--it's a good thing.

Posted by: Martha Stewart at September 12, 2008 10:09 AM (YCVBL)

42

Was he at a Burger King?

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz at September 12, 2008 10:11 AM (sf4Oe)

43 Can I have a hand here? I seem to have misplaced my overweenie.

Posted by: Adam Gadahn at September 12, 2008 10:21 AM (oFuWo)

44 The buzzards are gonna have the runs tonight.

Posted by: McGehee at September 12, 2008 10:22 AM (K13Au)

45 Relax, relax everyone . Adam is safe and sound. He just rung up my Big Bite hot-dog and Slurpee at a 7-Eleven in New Castle.

Posted by: Joe Biden at September 12, 2008 10:27 AM (+FzLa)

46 "fallen victim to predatory assassinations" Keep it up.

Posted by: mare at September 12, 2008 10:34 AM (9Di1u)

Adam Gadahn dies from exposure to heavy metal lyrics and metal missile shrapnel, but mostly metal missile shrapnel.

The funeral will be held in the three Afghanistan provinces his remains were found in.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at September 12, 2008 10:47 AM (plsiE)

48 The "killing of smug, fat-assed, traitors" is not part of the Bush Doctrine that I knew.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at September 12, 2008 10:48 AM (zAvxs)

49 Yet Another Dead "Sucker of Hellfire" -ish Cock...

Posted by: joetee at September 12, 2008 10:51 AM (prdCq)

50 The CIA equipped a missile with advanced sensors that zeroed in on his "Taco Bell fart signature," and scored a kill. Ah, that's bullshit. The CIA couldn't find their collective ass with both hands. Just ask Plame.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at September 12, 2008 01:43 PM (1hM1d)

Speaking of which... we need to get a movement started today. The DOD is developing a replacement for the venerable Hellfire missle and have named it something entirely lame: the "JAGM (Joint Air to Ground Missile)". It is at this point we morons must band together to rename it something cool.

How many times have we heard Ace's headlines, "Terrorists die of .... blah, blah, blah, but mostly Hellfire Missles" I ask you, would that joke work with JAGM?

No! We must pettiton the DOD to rename the JAGM something cooler like "The Barbed Cock of Satan Missle" or something like that.

We've got to act now or what will Ace joke about in 2010? JAGMs? Will Ace be JAGMing off? Will President McCain be JAGMing terrorists? VP Pailin JAGMing moose? No, we must act now, before it is too late.

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