October 31, 2014

Woman Arrested For Being Awesome
— Ace

The Patriarchy strikes again.

I found this telling:

The man said he woke up to find someone on top of him, "fondling his genitals" and "attempting to perform fellatio upon him," according to the complaint.

He said he did not know who it was at first and had to use a flashlight application on his phone to find out, according to police. He said he soon realized it was his friend's wife with "her breasts exposed" who had put his penis in her mouth.

Everyone get what happened there? The sequence, I mean?

The guy awoke to discover he was being -- and I'm not really joking here -- sexually violated. He did not stop the act. Instead, he activated his phone flashlight to see who it was, and then made a decision.

Sometimes Instapundit links these stories to note that there are unprosecuted female-on-male rapes, too. Sure, that's true. But you can't help but notice the differences between the situations, and therefore the differences which support treating one as more serious than the other.

Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot."


Posted by: Ace at 05:55 AM | Comments (345)
Post contains 209 words, total size 1 kb.

1 First? And that is awesome. All around.

Posted by: chiefjaybob at October 31, 2014 05:56 AM (syWCj)

2 War on Ugly Women?

Posted by: Titus Quinctius Cincinnatus at October 31, 2014 05:56 AM (YYJjz)

3

Nah, can't be first.

 

But ..... first to comment:  "now there's a true moron!"

 

 

Posted by: rhomboid at October 31, 2014 05:57 AM (afQnV)

4 ace, could ya find this guy, see if he wants to become a cob?

Posted by: rhomboid at October 31, 2014 05:57 AM (afQnV)

5 Ick.

Posted by: DM at October 31, 2014 05:58 AM (6ZO0g)

6 It seems quite odd and creepy to me. They guy has so many girlfriends that he doesn't know in the dark who's on top of him performing a sex act at any given time? And she's obviously a total nutcase.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 31, 2014 05:58 AM (7kkQJ)

7 >>>> Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot."

And that right there, in one sentence, is the thread winner, gospel truth, and best Ace line all year, all wrapped up in one awesome line.

Posted by: chiefjaybob at October 31, 2014 05:58 AM (syWCj)

8 A true Moron wouldn't have called a halt to the situation quite so quickly.

Posted by: ScoggDog at October 31, 2014 05:59 AM (0reQV)

9 So if she wasn't hot, it'd be rape? Are men stooping to women's benchmark of "rape/harassment"?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at October 31, 2014 05:59 AM (fIv/H)

10 If only my high school French teacher had been this clever....

Posted by: Diogenes at October 31, 2014 05:59 AM (08Znv)

11 Flashlight app on the phone? What's this world coming to? (Heh) What's wrong with a real flashlight.

Posted by: tms at October 31, 2014 06:00 AM (gQHeD)

12 Pic at the link.




Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 06:01 AM (GQ8sn)

13 Well, what's a girl to do.

Posted by: Helen Thomas at October 31, 2014 06:01 AM (l3vZN)

14 A pity Mrs P doesn't have friends like that.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at October 31, 2014 06:01 AM (zF6Iw)

15

Easy there Fenelon, the young lass obviously had the best of intentions.

 

Frankly ... I like where her head's at.

Posted by: ScoggDog at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (0reQV)

16 Although the date on the article is Oct 30 that is actually an old story.  But, give a a little MU and she may be kinda hot.


And B4 a Moron says you would go along with this, remember nut cases often have diseases due to rampant promiscuity.

Posted by: Vic[/i] at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (u9gzs)

17 Give that man a platinum membership.

Posted by: Flyguy at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (2SWpP)

18 50/50%

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (2Aj5D)

19

What's this guy's nic? He has to be a member of the hord.

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (kQBSd)

20 Surprisingly not from the US state one might have guessed.

Posted by: m at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (clmNP)

21 She sounds hideous.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (rwI+c)

22 Same standard allies to sexual harassment. When I was young and wicked hot, I could get away with anything. Now that I'm in the "creepy middle aged man" stage of my life, I can't look at a woman without someone getting creeped out. Some is the changing of the times, but a lot of it depends on who's doing the flirting.

Posted by: Truman North, Moron Emeritus at October 31, 2014 06:02 AM (rqP57)

23 She's kinda hot for a meth head.

Posted by: blaster at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (Rx8ML)

24 As Howie Carr says, we'll to have to see a picture to determine if she's guilty or not guilty.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (knoK7)

25 He was checking to make sure it was not a dude.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (JO9+V)

26 The guy awoke to discover he was being -- and I'm not really joking here -- sexually violated. He did not stop the act. Instead, he activated his phone flashlight to see who it was, and then made a decision. Well, Ace, the question might have been 'is this MY wife or girlfriend?'

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (MMC8r)

27 Looks like she might be on drugs.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (7kkQJ)

28 21 She sounds hideous. Posted by: toby928(C) at October She was wearing khakis

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (2Aj5D)

29 Same thing happened to me...

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at October 31, 2014 06:03 AM (HSmrB)

30 *looks at pic* Guilty as charged.

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 31, 2014 06:04 AM (knoK7)

31 mmf rmfh ffmm ahhh!

Posted by: sandy fluke at October 31, 2014 06:04 AM (JMCjf)

32
Well, Ace, the question might have been 'is this MY wife or girlfriend?'

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:03 AM (MMC8r)



Maybe he wasn't married or had a gf.



Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 06:04 AM (GQ8sn)

33 Well, Ace, the question might have been 'is this MY wife or girlfriend?' Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:03 AM (MMC8r) Wives waking up their husbands with a blowjob. How fucking novel is that. Did you read this honey?

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:04 AM (2Aj5D)

34 She was arrested three other times this month. She was collared for alleged theft Oct. 14, alleged assault Oct. 16 and alleged public intoxication Oct. 21. There's some serious crazy in progress there.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:04 AM (MMC8r)

35

Hmm.  I was going to say "God bless Texas," but then I saw her picture.  She's got the thousand-yard crazy stare.

 

And then there's this:

 

She was arrested three other times this month.  She was collared for alleged theft Oct 14, alleged assault Oct 16 and alleged public intoxication Oct 21.

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (zF6Iw)

36 She sounds hideous.

Was she wearing khakis?

Posted by: physics geek at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (llWHs)

37 He just wanted to see if it was a friend that he could afford to lose.

Posted by: Motor-Boater, of Love at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (3yfGn)

38 How horrible!

Posted by: No Heterosexual Dude, Ever at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (NUCTk)

39 He used the flashlight on his phone to get a nice POV sex video to upload to all the amateur porn sites.

Posted by: Roy at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (VndSC)

40 he may have thought it was his girlfriend but reasoned that was so unlikely he had to look I suspect alcohol was involved was her name Fluke?

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:05 AM (zOTsN)

41 He turned on, his phone light and, to his horror, it was Barney Frank.

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:06 AM (IXrOn)

42 I don't know why her arrest record should matter. Have some forgiveness for crying out loud.

Posted by: MTF at October 31, 2014 06:06 AM (6um35)

43 >>>Wives waking up their husbands with a blowjob. How fucking novel is that. Did you read this honey? yeah i think based on the circumstances he could assume it wasn't his wife or gf.

Posted by: Hulk at October 31, 2014 06:06 AM (/FnUH)

44 From the Sidebar of this article:  Eric Frein arraigned after dramatic capture 7 weeks after allegedly murdering Pa. state trooper


At least the cops broke his nose real good.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:06 AM (rwI+c)

45 She sounds hideous. Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 11:02 AM (rwI+c) she sounds drunk

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (IXrOn)

46 I had no idea how close I came to being plastered on The Smoking Gun.

Posted by: Crystal Ball at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (l3vZN)

47 Had to turn on the lights? Couldn't just go with the flow? What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Close your eys and it's Kate Upton!!

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (kQBSd)

48 you too can wake up with a Meth head attacked to your dong

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (zOTsN)

49 There is an old joke about this... A guy is getting a blowjob and looks down to find out it is a transsexual. He then tells him "When you're done I'm gonna beat the shit outta you!"

Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (kbVTp)

50 he only called the cops when she refused to leave. But I hope the poor woman gets some mental treatment now.

Posted by: PaleRider at October 31, 2014 06:07 AM (Zo60C)

51 I meant to say attached but now I rather like attacked

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (zOTsN)

52 But did she have cat hands?

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (lG2E3)

53 >>>Hmm. I was going to say "God bless Texas," but then I saw her picture. She's got the thousand-yard crazy stare. And then there's this: She was arrested three other times this month. She was collared for alleged theft Oct 14, alleged assault Oct 16 and alleged public intoxication Oct 21. ... Ah. So you're saying the woman who's going around blowin' dudes while they're sleeping isn't a Lady?

Posted by: Hulk at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (/FnUH)

54

Dear Penthouse Letters:

I never thought things like this really happened, but.....

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (kdS6q)

55 48 you too can wake up with a Meth head attacked to your dong Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:07 AM (zOTsN) That's why you need Tweaker-B-Gone!

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (DrWcr)

56 Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 11:04 AM (GQ8sn) So let's say he does the rational thing, reaches out and just hits whoever the hell is touching his junk. I'd wager he gets charged with assault. Granted I suspect there's more to this story than is being reported, still I could see trying to figure out what's going on just as a practical matter to avoid a legal dustup. (i.e. a railroading.)

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (HDwDg)

57 Yeah, she  looks  to be a couple  of french fries  short of a happy meal.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (JO9+V)

58 #CheckOutPicsOfMyRape

Posted by: @ChickVictim at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (NUCTk)

59 There has to be one of these "Living the AoSHQ Lifestyle" posts here every so often.

Posted by: Roy at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (VndSC)

60 listen she could have bit him bath salts people. face eaters

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:08 AM (zOTsN)

61 At the last second, he realized, he hadn't taken his birth control... and, his real name was Arnawld.

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (IXrOn)

62 In a real display of fairness, they do not give the name of the victim, but the name and a photo of the perpetrator.

Posted by: m at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (clmNP)

63 "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot.
***

"Holy shit...hmmmmmm...."
"Hello, 911, I'd like to report a rape in progress"
"Nah, tell them to just drive normally. No lights or siren needed"
"Yeah, it's cool if they're busy..."


Posted by: B at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (jg1FQ)

64

Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot."

 

Every time a hot female teacher gets busted for having sex with a 16 year old boy I curse the fates for not having that happen to me when I was 16.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (JtwS4)

65 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Considering I live alone, I would not be amused.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (DrWcr)

66 So let's say he does the rational thing, reaches out and just hits whoever the hell is touching his junk.

I'd wager he gets charged with assault.

Granted I suspect there's more to this story than is being reported, still I could see trying to figure out what's going on just as a practical matter to avoid a legal dustup. (i.e. a railroading.)

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! at October 31, 2014 11:08 AM (HDwDg)



I'm sure there was a moment or two where the guy was trying to decide what to do. 


Make a scene or lie back down.



Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (GQ8sn)

67 Who here hasn't awakened to a BJ?  I'm sure the guy woke up groggy and unsure of what day it was and so he didn't know who was doing the sucking.

Posted by: Darth Randall at October 31, 2014 06:09 AM (6n332)

68 While there's consent after the fact, to be all by-the-booky, it is rape if he doesn't give his consent.

A man wouldn't do this because he knows his life would be ruined if his gamble was wrong. Double standard once again and proof positive feminists have no interest in being "equals".

Another point about being equals is feminists saying that they believe women should be able to join the military in combat roles if they choose to. When you're out marching to have women register with the selective service, I'll listen to something you have to say.

Posted by: Chupacabras at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (+hPIb)

69 50 he only called the cops when she refused to leave. But I hope the poor woman gets some mental treatment now. Posted by: PaleRider at October 31, 2014 11:07 AM (Zo60C He only called the cops when she refused to SWALLOW. FIFY

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (2Aj5D)

70 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Close your eys and it's Kate Upton!!

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 11:07 AM (kQBSd)

 

You know, I keep telling the boys that, but for some reason they just don't believe me.

Posted by: Harry Reid at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (zF6Iw)

71 seriously she could have bit his dong pretty scarey

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (zOTsN)

72 The Dirty Sanchez can be used for home defense, you know.

Posted by: Cloyd Freud, Unemployed at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (lG2E3)

73 Also: never put your dick in crazy.

Posted by: Chupacabras at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (+hPIb)

74 There is an old joke about this... A guy is getting a blowjob and looks down to find out it is a transsexual. He then tells him "When you're done I'm gonna beat the shit outta you!" Posted by: Brandon In Baton Rouge at October 31, 2014 11:07 AM (kbVTp) Adam Carolla once observed on his podcast that wearing Crocs is kind of like getting a blowjob by a dude. It feels REALLY good.....until you look down and realize you're gay.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at October 31, 2014 06:10 AM (TIIx5)

75 On the plus side, the meth does keep the weight off.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 31, 2014 06:11 AM (2RjNj)

76 Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:09 And we all thought you had a sense of humor.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:11 AM (2Aj5D)

77 she is the GOPe and he said, "Listen, lets not start sucking each others dicks yet"

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:11 AM (zOTsN)

78 73 Also: never put your dick in crazy. Posted by: Chupacabras at October 31, 2014 11:10 AM (+hPIb) In Soviet Texas, crazy puts your dick in her!

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:11 AM (DrWcr)

79 Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. The voice of reason! :^)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at October 31, 2014 06:11 AM (7kkQJ)

80 It could have been a guy. You really need to confirm it's a chick. Obviously, it's not going to be his wife. There's a checklist to go through with a decision tree.

Posted by: eman at October 31, 2014 06:12 AM (MQEz6)

81 Wives waking up their husbands with a blowjob. How fucking novel is that. Did you read this honey? Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 11:04 AM (2Aj5D) hand job in the morning? yes blowjob, nope, because, no shower

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:12 AM (IXrOn)

82 Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 11:09 AM (GQ8sn Eh, probably. But I'd note that's a stupid decision. A crazy person is fondling your junk, no matter how good it feels END IT, before they reach level 2 of crazy. (Bobbitt Crazy)

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 31, 2014 06:12 AM (HDwDg)

83 Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:09 AM Kind of like that two-sentence horror story. "A child's laughter is a beautiful thing. Unless it's 2:00am and you live alone..."

Posted by: RedMindBlueState at October 31, 2014 06:12 AM (knoK7)

84 seriously she could have bit his dong pretty scarey You know, you're really ruining this story for the rest of us.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 31, 2014 06:12 AM (2RjNj)

85 did she have braces?

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (zOTsN)

86

Gal sounds normal to me.

Posted by: Monica Wehby - Your Totes NOT a Stalker GOP Senate Candidate

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (kdS6q)

87 I bet she had cold sores in that methy mouth

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (zOTsN)

88 Eh, probably. But I'd note that's a stupid decision.

A crazy person is fondling your junk, no matter how good it feels END IT, before they reach level 2 of crazy. (Bobbitt Crazy)

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! at October 31, 2014 11:12 AM (HDwDg)



Some guys' brains are automatically short-circuited by junk fondling.  I'm sure it took him a few minutes to figure out what to do.



Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (GQ8sn)

89 I never believed these stories, until it happened to me!

Posted by: Penthouse Forum at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (V40IZ)

90 Now the victim   will have PBJSD  and will be wholly unable to enjoy future beejers, if any.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:13 AM (JO9+V)

91 Some guys' brains are automatically short-circuited by junk fondling. That explains Barney Frank.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (DrWcr)

92 and I heard she is infected with Whorbola

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (zOTsN)

93 Did she have a fever?

Posted by: eman at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (MQEz6)

94 Checked the pic. That's a mugshot, so she's probably 1.5-2 points hotter if you saw her at a bar. I'd let her release my chakra.

Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (hRzu2)

95 yeah that used to happen to me, too.

A lot.

Posted by: exPrezClenis2000 at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (NUCTk)

96 87 I bet she had cold sores in that methy mouth Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:13 AM (zOTsN YUCKY

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (2Aj5D)

97 I bet she had cold sores in that methy mouth
Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:13 AM (zOTsN



Studded for his pleasure.


Posted by: EC at October 31, 2014 06:14 AM (GQ8sn)

98 And B4 a Moron says you would go along with this, remember nut cases often have diseases due to rampant promiscuity.

Or very sharp teeth.

Posted by: dartist at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (ahBY0)

99 85did she have braces?

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:13 AM (zOTsN)

 

She's from Texas, did she have teeth.

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (kQBSd)

100 Checked the pic. That's a mugshot, so she's probably 1.5-2 points hotter if you saw her at a bar. She might be pleasant with the correct anti-psychotics.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (MMC8r)

101 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. Ghosts?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (0HooB)

102 who knows where else that methy mouth has been or who else

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (zOTsN)

103 did she have braces? Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:13 AM (zOTsN) Braces + blowjob require a sign above the headboard saying DO NOT BACK UP

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (TIIx5)

104 This thread is far too hetero for Hector.

Posted by: Citizen X at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (7ObY1)

105 87 I bet she had cold sores in that methy mouth Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:13 AM (zOTsN) BECAUSE SHE HAS HERPES AND NO TEETH

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at October 31, 2014 06:15 AM (DrWcr)

106
It could have been a guy. You really need to confirm it's a chick.
Posted by: eman




*taps on top of head*

Ok, which catcher hit the famous game-ending home run in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series?

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (kdS6q)

107 ... and if she isn't hot, he could just turn off the light and let his imagination run wild for a few minutes.

Posted by: LoneStarHeeb (Psalm 109:7-8) at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (BZAd3)

108 *taps on top of head* Ok, which catcher hit the famous game-ending home run in Game 6 of the 1975 World Series? Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 11:16 giggles

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (2Aj5D)

109 who knows where else that methy mouth has been or who else Federal statistics show that 9.9 out of 10 female on male rapes go unreported.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (2RjNj)

110 Is this a dream of  Castle Anthrax?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (JO9+V)

111 Charles Manson eyes staring up at you, from between your legs, first thing in the morning.

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:16 AM (IXrOn)

112 What are the odds that this guy is trying to explain to his wife and her divorce lawyer that "why... she FORCED my very erect dick into her mouth"

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (aTXUx)

113 THEN WHO WAS MOUTH

Posted by: Van Gogh at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (JybVy)

114 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. Ghosts? Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 31, 2014 11:15 AM (0HooB) Nah, we just watch you idiots fap.

Posted by: The Ghosts at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (TIIx5)

115

All Some guys' brains are automatically short-circuited by junk fondling.

 

phyckst

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (JtwS4)

116 So this guy? A moron. In every respect. And I think you know what I mean....

Posted by: tcn in AK, almost at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (g+qqc)

117 65 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job?    Considering I live alone, I would not be amused.   Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:09 AM (DrWcr)

Me neither, but I'd make damn sure it was a FEMALE or somebody's getting shot.

Posted by: 1bulwetweft at October 31, 2014 06:17 AM (TR90z)

118 I binged her name and image search has some pics of her actually looking rather pretty. But she's apparently gone NUTS.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (MMC8r)

119 The bad-nasty meth head The good? This won't be on the Florida man/Florida woman Twitter account. Haven't we suffered enough? BTW-in our governor race it's the Orange guy vs skeletor so we've got that going for us...

Posted by: Drewbicle at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (WdjKi)

120 I believe pointing out someone being virally challenged is an attempt at othering them and should not be encouraged.

Posted by: Chupacabras at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (W2YA6)

121 What man WOULDN'T want to be woking up in the middle of the night by a mystery blow job? Considering I live alone, I would not be amused. Ghosts? Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit at October 31, 2014 11:15 AM (0HooB) As long as it's Veronica Lake or Rita Hayworth.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (DrWcr)

122 Ghosts?

They only watch you fap.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (rwI+c)

123 TIME... out?

Posted by: Andy Ried at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (JybVy)

124 hey at least it wasn't PIV so it wasn't rape-rape

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (zOTsN)

125 Now the victim will have PBJSD and will be wholly unable to enjoy future beejers, if any. Therapy properly applied in a controlled setting would eventually overcome that. Lots and lots of therapy. Preferably with Kate Upton or a close approximation.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (0HooB)

126 Look, it's a weird situation. I'm just saying you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when instead of a horse, it's blowies.

Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 06:18 AM (hRzu2)

127 She's not bad. No meth sores. After a few beers, I'd let her blow me.

Posted by: Citizen X at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (7ObY1)

128 126 Look, it's a weird situation. I'm just saying you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when instead of a horse, it's blowies. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:18 AM (hRzu2) What if it was Sarah Jessica Parker?

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (DrWcr)

129 I think she's hot.

Posted by: The Guy Who Used To Think Janet Reno Is Hot But Now Thinks Megan Davis Hoelting Is Hot at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (2RjNj)

130

Is it wrong that the link to the complaint goes to "The Smoking Gun"?

Posted by: Darth Randall at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (6n332)

131

As long as it's Veronica Lake or Rita Hayworth.]/i]

 

 

Hedy Lamarr.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (JO9+V)

132 Im just saying you need to know where you are dipping your wick

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (zOTsN)

133 FMR 

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (JO9+V)

134 He was just mad because too much teeth action.

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:19 AM (IXrOn)

135 Im just saying you need to know where you are dipping your wick

Hence the flashlight app.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (rwI+c)

136 And to think , you have always begged me to do that awful meth whore stuff to you!

Thank goodness you have me to save you from that horrible experience!

Posted by: Every Married Woman, Ever at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (NUCTk)

137 Apparently she also BROKE INTO THE GUY'S HOUSE. If you go to bed alone and wake up getting a hummer, something's amiss.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (MMC8r)

138 94 Checked the pic. That's a mugshot, so she's probably 1.5-2 points hotter if you saw her at a bar. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:14 AM (hRzu2) Well, we don't know what the guy looked like. Odds are he's not ever going to be mistaken for Brad Pitt

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (aTXUx)

139 Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look- see and see if she's hot." Fess up. Which moron was it? Include pics.

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (5ic5a)

140 Get this.  It didn't happen in Florida.

Posted by: Muad'dib - Bodice Repair Man at October 31, 2014 06:20 AM (sjdRT)

141 It wasn't a dorm, so it wasn't rape.

Posted by: Halloween Scare at October 31, 2014 06:21 AM (IXrOn)

142 You just know this guy is getting the third degree at work today from all his buddies (well, except one, anyway).

"Ok, genius, let me get this straight, you're asleep and you wake up to..."

Posted by: B at October 31, 2014 06:21 AM (jg1FQ)

143 That's Hedley.

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at October 31, 2014 06:21 AM (2RjNj)

144 Hedy Lamarr. That's HEDLEY. And no chance, buster.

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at October 31, 2014 06:21 AM (MMC8r)

145

Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look- see and see if she's hot."


Fess up. Which moron was it?

 

Oh, come on.  No True Moron would call the cops.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:21 AM (JtwS4)

146 Look, it's a weird situation. I'm just saying you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Especially when instead of a horse, it's blowies. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:18 AM (hRzu2) What if it was Sarah Jessica Parker? Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:19 AM (DrWcr) That's a tougher call. I'd be sure to think it through after she was done.

Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (hRzu2)

147 He said he did not know who it was at first and had to use a flashlight application on his phone to find out, according to police. He said he soon realized it was his friend's wife with "her breasts exposed" who had put his penis in her mouth. Oh you poor man.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (FMbng)

148 I binged her name and image search has some pics of her actually looking rather pretty. But she's apparently gone NUTS. And you NEVER do nuts.

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (5ic5a)

149 I don't think it's a stretch to say that women nowadays define rape as consensual sex with someone they are not attracted to, or consensual sex with someone who refused to pay for their dinner.

Posted by: Mister Snappy Wagon at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (naCnP)

150 Did she have canker sores on her mouth?

Posted by: Thin veneer of civility at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (XzRw1)

151

Honey, you're doing it wrong.

Sleep is number two.

First is...

Posted by: Mel Gibson at October 31, 2014 06:22 AM (6n332)

152 Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot." Now, see, I assumed it was more a matter of hey I finally convinced my girlfriend that coming over and giving me a nice little wake up surprise would be awesome, go team me! I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that said woman may be a wee bit of a bunny boiler, what with the whole four arrests in a month thingy. Speaking of the lemme see if she's hot point, I will bet a huge amount of money that all those women horrified that the guys hanging out on the street cat calling them would be just fine with some guy at Tiffany's running game on them.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (mf5HN)

153

And you NEVER do nuts.

 

How many times do we have to go over this? 

 

The only alternative to screwing crazy is celibacy.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (JtwS4)

154 The bride: http://tinyurl.com/mokytpy

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (MMC8r)

155 145 Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look- see and see if she's hot."   Fess up. Which moron was it?
Oh, come on. No True Moron would call the cops.  Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 11:21 AM (JtwS4)

Or let her leave.  Hell, she'd be lucky to get away....

Posted by: 1bulwetweft at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (CzJOg)

156 Why Do All These Housewives Keep Sucking My Cock?

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (rwI+c)

157 she is going to say she was too intoxicated to form the specific intent for rape also that it was a case of mistaken identity because she was so polluted she thought she was in her own home with her own partner and was just as surprised as he was or alternatively, that they had a previous consensual sexual relationship and he was just making this up because he was afraid of his old lady which may be plausible since he knew the gal and was likely drinking and drugging with her earlier that night

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:23 AM (zOTsN)

158 Fess up. Which moron was it? Oh, come on. No True Moron would call the cops. True. Buddies? Yeah. ONT? Live blog it. Cops? Never.

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (5ic5a)

159
If you go to bed alone and wake up getting a hummer, something's amiss.
Posted by: ---




At the very least, you and the dog are going to need to have a long talk about the boundaries of your relationship -- in the morning.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (kdS6q)

160 I will take up her defense

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (zOTsN)

161 She had braces? That'd make her a Black n' Decker Pecker Wrecker! Jim Sunk New Dawn Galveston, TX

Posted by: Jim at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (RzZOc)

162 http://tinyurl.com/pddhpzb

Posted by: The Theme music distracted me[/i][/b][/s] at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (DL2i+)

163 At least he didn't stick his Dick in crazy.

Posted by: Truck Monkey, Aiming His Torpedo at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (32Ze2)

164 I will bet a huge amount of money that all those women horrified that the guys hanging out on the street cat calling them would be just fine with some guy at Tiffany's running game on them. IT'S TRUE BECAUSE THEY'RE GOLD-DIGGING HOS!

Posted by: BEN ROETHLISBERGER at October 31, 2014 06:24 AM (DrWcr)

165 ot IMAO ORANGE SCARE: Why Halloween Threatens America http://freebeacon.com/blog/orange-scare-why-halloween-threatens-america/ the pict of Yglesias is worth a peak.

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:25 AM (IXrOn)

166 Not necessarily whether or not she was hawt, but probably to see which of the one or two possible women he thought it would be.

Posted by: Scott M at October 31, 2014 06:25 AM (AdBfq)

167 At the very least, you and the dog are going to need to have a long talk about the boundaries of your relationship -- in the morning. Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 11:24 AM (kdS6q) And wash thoroughly if you use peanut butter for lube.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:25 AM (DrWcr)

168

True. Buddies? Yeah. ONT? Live blog it. Cops? Never.

 

There ya go.

 

"Hey, Horde, you'll never believe what..."

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:26 AM (JtwS4)

169 or finally that they had a consensual sexual relationship but he is claiming rape because he is scared to death of her husband the lady is the wife of his friend

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:26 AM (zOTsN)

170 'attempting to perform fellatio upon him' How does a woman 'attempt' fellatio? It seems kinda binary to me.

Posted by: SE Pa Moron [/i] at October 31, 2014 06:27 AM (zxQ4h)

171 And wash thoroughly if you use peanut butter for lube. Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:25 AM (DrWcr) Does peanut butter work well as lube? Asking for a friend.

Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 06:27 AM (hRzu2)

172 It also appears she violated California's Yes Means Yes law......so she will also need to be expelled.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President of the Sheena Easton Fan Club at October 31, 2014 06:27 AM (OWjjx)

173 Hedy Lamarr. Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 11:19 AM (JO9+V) It's "Headly".

Posted by: tcn in AK, almost at October 31, 2014 06:27 AM (g+qqc)

174 Re: The anti-media attack video in the sidebar.

"This video is unlisted. Be considerate and think twice before sharing."

I'll wager...

...and no, you won't see any such warning for the jihadi murder porn posted on YT.

Fuck Google, the true master of YT.

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:27 AM (/mTq0)

175 I kind of get his response. If some woman has your junk in her mouth you're not gonna make any sudden movements. Back away slowly, then back in, then back.

Posted by: Adam Smith's Invisible Pimp Hand at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (U4SLf)

176 Well, we aren't quite living in the society that the "Yes Means Yes" crowd envisions. If he was in a relationship, for example, and his girlfriend decide to give him a little surprise, it would not be rape. But, he would have to fire up that flashlight app to know one way or another. Instead of his gf, he found someone who did not have implied consent. So yeah, rape.


Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (IN7k+)

177 Eli Manning: No More Amy Poehler: No more breaking into your husband's friend's house Micheal Strahan: No more "I was just drunk" Tina Fay: No more giving head to men who do not consent to it. Eli Manning: No More

Posted by: This Weeks Condescending NFL PSA at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (OWjjx)

178 143  144   Now there Mr. Hedley and Mr. Hedley there's no need to protest so much.  You men use your  mouths prettier than $20  whores.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (JO9+V)

179 like. Odds are he's not ever going to be mistaken for Brad Pitt Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2014 11:20 AM Maybe Brad's pitt

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (2Aj5D)

180 Does peanut butter work well as lube? Asking for a friend. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:27 AM (hRzu2) Just stay away from the crunchy, 'cause...I mean, it was just a joke.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (DrWcr)

181 I see like the zepruder film

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:28 AM (zOTsN)

182 She didn't mention anything about Zul, by chance?

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at October 31, 2014 06:29 AM (l3vZN)

183 So this gets into what I asked yesterday... Is groggy sex rape? I mean, let's assume this woman was someone he wouldn't have minded waking him up with a BJ. Is the simple act of performing a sex act on someone who's asleep rape? What about some light groping?

Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 06:29 AM (BPMYx)

184 Come on..... he got out his phone and turned on the light to see if it was a ghost.... Like in ghost busters... Cause that picture would have been worth BANK...

Posted by: Romeo13 at October 31, 2014 06:29 AM (f0pWu)

185 Oh, come on. No True Moron would call the cops. True. Buddies? Yeah. ONT? Live blog it. Cops? Never. Posted by: rickb223 at October 31, 2014 11:24 AM (5ic5a) God damn right.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at October 31, 2014 06:29 AM (FMbng)

186 171 And wash thoroughly if you use peanut butter for lube. Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:25 AM (DrWcr) Does peanut butter work well as lube? Asking for a friend. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:27 AM (hRzu2) Not approved

Posted by: Mr Peanut at October 31, 2014 06:29 AM (zqzYV)

187 170 -- SE Pa Moron -- How does a woman 'attempt' fellatio? It seems kinda binary to me.

Little Willy was still hiding in his foxhole?

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:30 AM (/mTq0)

188 Does peanut butter work well as lube? Asking for a friend. Posted by: shillelagh at October 31, 2014 11:27 AM (hRzu2) Not chunky. I've been told. By other people. Who are not me.

Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 31, 2014 06:30 AM (mf5HN)

189 I see a Title IX charge in this somehow.

I also am not surprised with the man's reaction and not, initially, resist me much.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Detective of infectious disease czarina at October 31, 2014 06:30 AM (dMEBN)

190 163 At least he didn't stick his Dick in crazy. Posted by: Truck Monkey, Aiming His Torpedo a If his dick is in her mouth, yes his dick is in Crazy.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:31 AM (2Aj5D)

191 Is the simple act of performing a sex act on someone who's asleep rape?

It is in Sweden.  That's what got the Wikileaks dude taken into custody.

Posted by: HR at October 31, 2014 06:31 AM (/kI1Q)

192 I'm sure Gloria Aldred will be on this to make sure that the poor man's civil rights are vindicated.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President of the Sheena Easton Club at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (OWjjx)

193 190 163 At least he didn't stick his Dick in crazy. Posted by: Truck Monkey, Aiming His Torpedo a If his dick is in her mouth, yes his dick is in Crazy. Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 11:31 AM (2Aj5D) Speaking of crazy CNN JUST IN: Maine issues court order against nurse Hickox.

Posted by: MikeH at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (zqzYV)

194 OMG this is Texas her maiden name is DAVIS she was just looking for college tuition

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (zOTsN)

195 I'm laughing so hard. "What the hell??? Someone's in my bed! OMG! Someone's sucking my dick!!! Let me get a flashlight and see who. No, you down there, you keep doing what you're doing for the time being."

Posted by: BCochran1981 - Credible Hulk at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (da5Wo)

196 I will bet a huge amount of money that all those women horrified that the guys hanging out on the street cat calling them would be just fine with some guy at Tiffany's running game on them. Posted by: alexthechick - Commence drinking now. at October 31, 2014 11:23 AM (mf5HN) I just don't see the guy at Tiffany's saying the same things. Or making animal noises, in the middle of the store. At least not the last time I was at a Tiffany's (which was probably 5 or so years ago, because online is so much easier). The cat calling thing happened to me yesterday, and it was just a guy on a bike riding by, but it always creeps me out. Not "horrified," just creeped out. Looking good, baby... I didn't even look to see what he looked like. I never look.

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (IXrOn)

197 It is in Sweden. That's what got the Wikileaks dude taken into custody.

I thought that was condomless 'Surprise Sex'.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (rwI+c)

198 CNN JUST IN: Maine issues court order against nurse Hickox. Ha Ha

Posted by: Nelson Munz at October 31, 2014 06:32 AM (OWjjx)

199
Is groggy sex rape?
Posted by: Lauren




On a California campus under the new "affirmative consent" law, yes,

Coming soon to a college that gets Federal Aid near you.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:33 AM (kdS6q)

200

He did not stop the act. Instead, he activated his phone flashlight to see who it was, and then made a decision.

 

--

 

Male logic at its finest

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (20Zla)

201 194 OMG this is Texas her maiden name is DAVIS she was just looking for college tuition Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:32 A Next steps State Senator and Governor Baby

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (2Aj5D)

202 194 OMG this is Texas her maiden name is DAVIS she was just looking for college tuition Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 11:32 A Next steps State Senator and Governor Baby

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (2Aj5D)

203 Although I would think that a man could 'attempt cunnilingus' on a woman 'cause they have so many parts 'down there' to deal with and manipulate and slide out of the way and stuff. Or so I've heard.

Posted by: SE Pa Moron [/i] at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (zxQ4h)

204

Is the simple act of performing a sex act on someone who's asleep rape?

 

By all means not!  Not if it's someone you also otherwise have sex with.

Lamented ex-gf would assault me in my sleep in various ways.  Sometimes I didn't even wake up, but her telling me what she had done the next morning was the hottest thing I'd ever heard.

 

 

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (JtwS4)

205 Okay, what if it was Paul Lynde?

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:34 AM (MMC8r)

206 Hey..... I let her finish first.... well... I did anyway...

Posted by: Guy talking to his budies next day at October 31, 2014 06:35 AM (f0pWu)

207 Is groggy sex rape? I mean, let's assume this woman was someone he wouldn't have minded waking him up with a BJ. Is the simple act of performing a sex act on someone who's asleep rape? What about some light groping? Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 11:29 AM (BPMYx) Dunno. Are you in college in California?

Posted by: blaster at October 31, 2014 06:35 AM (Rx8ML)

208 Come on..... he got out his phone and turned on the light to see if it was a ghost.... He was probably just trying to snap a picture, so he could send it to his buddies. "Hey man, look what happened to me this morning. You?"

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:35 AM (IXrOn)

209 "What the hell??? Someone's in my bed! OMG! Someone's sucking my dick!!! Let me get a flashlight and see who. No, you down there, you keep doing what you're doing for the time being."


(picks up phone) *tap* *tap* *tap* LENA DUNHAM????!

Posted by: Ian S. at October 31, 2014 06:35 AM (B/VB5)

210 CNN JUST IN: Maine issues court order against nurse Hickox. sweet justice

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (IXrOn)

211 73 Also: never put your dick in crazy. C'mon, crazy is okay, just be sure to use your buddy's name and number.

Posted by: Super Creepy Rob Lowe at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (oDCMR)

212 Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 11:34 AM (JtwS4) yes, yes....please continue.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President of the Sheena Easton Fan Club at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (OWjjx)

213 I'd get Skeletor off me right away too.

Posted by: Inspector Cussword at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (vmltA)

214 He had to decide if it was a dream, or a nightmare.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (rwI+c)

215 Guy probably said "I'll give you six minutes to stop that."

Posted by: blaster at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (Rx8ML)

216 "Hedy Lamarr." That's "Hedley"!

Posted by: Hedley Lamarr at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (kEcbc)

217
Come on..... he got out his phone and turned on the light....
Posted by: Romeo13




*taps on top of head*

Hey, look at the final on the Giants game.  I won the office pool!

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (kdS6q)

218 It looks like marriage is not agreeing with her.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:36 AM (MMC8r)

219 Well... if this post was meant to drive away the trolls...

...it seems to be working.

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:37 AM (/mTq0)

220 October surprise? Which young Republican Congressman is involved in this triangle?

Posted by: Czar Peter -- Czar of Spades at October 31, 2014 06:37 AM (LUHc/)

221 219 Well... if this post was meant to drive away the trolls... ...it seems to be working. Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 11:37 AM (/mTq0) Well, it is about heterosexual sex

Posted by: MikeH at October 31, 2014 06:37 AM (zqzYV)

222 Well... if this post was meant to drive away the trolls...

...it seems to be working.


It's hetero-normative.  Like kryptonite.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:37 AM (rwI+c)

223

How does a woman 'attempt' fellatio? It seems kinda binary to me.

 

 

He could be packin' a schnitzelgruben.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (JO9+V)

224 jinx

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (rwI+c)

225 Is this some sort of hint of what got Ace up so early this morning?

Posted by: gwelf at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (TJ8HB)

226 Yeah sugartits... but first you will...

Posted by: Mel Gibson at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (f0pWu)

227 "The cat calling thing happened to me yesterday" I wasn't there, I swear!

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (l3vZN)

228 she was splunking

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:38 AM (zOTsN)

229 218 It looks like marriage is not agreeing with her. Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:36 AM (MMC8r The Meth Cake had something to do with it.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:39 AM (2Aj5D)

230 just doing house to house ebola check

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:39 AM (zOTsN)

231 On a California campus under the new "affirmative consent" law, yes, Coming soon to a college that gets Federal Aid near you. Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at October 31, 2014 11:33 AM (kdS6q) Yeah according to that law, pretty much an entire newlywed's honeymoon is rape. Also most kids would then be the product of rape

Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! [/i] [/b] [/s] at October 31, 2014 06:39 AM (HDwDg)

232 Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot." Seems perfectly cromulent to me.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at October 31, 2014 06:39 AM (0HooB)

233 well its almost Movember and she wanted to support the cause

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:40 AM (zOTsN)

234 221 & 222 -- Okay, that must be a long string between those two tin cans...

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:40 AM (/mTq0)

235 Ima calling the cops. But first,...

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 31, 2014 06:40 AM (dQuGh)

236 &&&&& -- Huh

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:40 AM (/mTq0)

237

CNN JUST IN: Maine issues court order against nurse Hickox.

 

Now there's a red line, beyotch!


Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at October 31, 2014 06:41 AM (zF6Iw)

238 On a California campus under the new "affirmative consent" law, yes, Coming soon to a college that gets Federal Aid near you. So 'government out of our bedrooms but lawyers in?'

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:41 AM (MMC8r)

239 Also most kids would then be the product of rape Posted by: tsrblke, PhD(c) And father to be in 3 months! at October 31, 2014 11:39 AM (HDwDg) Which makes each and every one of them a special little snowflake!

Posted by: Dah Left at October 31, 2014 06:41 AM (f0pWu)

240 they asked her to work the polls and she got confused

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:41 AM (zOTsN)

241 Seriously NOT Florida?

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:42 AM (MMC8r)

242 @232 - He's got his phone? "Hey, Frank? Yeah, I think you need to come over here and pick up your wife. Yeah, the one with three arrests in the last month. I don't want to make it four."

Posted by: JEM at October 31, 2014 06:42 AM (o+SC1)

243 I was monitoring him for Ebola, in case he was getting on a bus that day...

Posted by: Megan Davis Hoelting at October 31, 2014 06:43 AM (zqzYV)

244 ALRIGHT... who stole my fucking ampersands???

*goes out to the storage shed to grease up the trebuchet*

Pixy is fucking toast...

Posted by: CPT. Charles at October 31, 2014 06:43 AM (/mTq0)

245 241 Seriously NOT Florida? Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:42 AM (MMC8r) Nope! And deer tongue dildo was in Arkansas, so suck my peninsula, bitchez!

Posted by: Florida at October 31, 2014 06:43 AM (DrWcr)

246 "Hey, Frank? Yeah, I think you need to come over here and pick up your wife. Yeah, the one with three arrests in the last month. I don't want to make it four."


"Yeah okay, half an hour would be fine."

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:43 AM (rwI+c)

247 Maybe she just gives lousy head and calling the cops was easier than telling her.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:43 AM (MMC8r)

248 Speaking of the lemme see if she's hot point, I will bet a huge amount of money that all those women horrified that the guys hanging out on the street cat calling them would be just fine with some guy at Tiffany's running game on them.
=======
As Insty points out, it's not men catcalling that bothers them it's _low-class/status_ men catcalling.

Obama committing sexual assault and forcing that girl to kiss him is "Oh so dreamy!"

Posted by: RoyalOil at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (VjL9S)

249 Hasn't this    sort of thing happened to everyone   at one time or another?

Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (20Zla)

250 The cat calling thing happened to me yesterday, and it was just a guy on a bike riding by, but it always creeps me out. Not "horrified," just creeped out. Looking good, baby... I didn't even look to see what he looked like. I never look. Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 11:32 AM (IXrOn) __________________________ I hear ya' girl,, happens to me all the time.... .

Posted by: Hillary Clinton at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (HSmrB)

251 oh, nice Halloween Treat Honda's Brilliant New 'Type R' Ad "The Other Side" Honda's had some hit or miss campaigns in the past, but they've knocked it out of the park on this one. The teaser trailer to the ad is above, but go to the full interactive ad to see just how brilliant the full production is. On the interactive video, hold the "R" key to see "the other side" of the new Civic Type-R. linkie over at truthrevolt.org

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (IXrOn)

252 oh, nice Halloween Treat Honda's Brilliant New 'Type R' Ad "The Other Side" Honda's had some hit or miss campaigns in the past, but they've knocked it out of the park on this one. The teaser trailer to the ad is above, but go to the full interactive ad to see just how brilliant the full production is. On the interactive video, hold the "R" key to see "the other side" of the new Civic Type-R. linkie over at truthrevolt.org

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (IXrOn)

253 Maybe she just gives lousy head and calling the cops was easier than telling her. Unpossible.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit [/i][/s][/b][/u] at October 31, 2014 06:44 AM (0HooB)

254

Maybe she just gives lousy head

 

Is there such a thing?

Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 2014 06:45 AM (JtwS4)

255 If you are planning to do something, and that something is likely to earn you a write up on The Smoking Gun, you might want to reconsider your decision.

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 31, 2014 06:45 AM (dQuGh)

256 In this day and age he probably had to consider that she might accuse him of rape if he pissed her off.

Crazy/intoxicated lady + Feminist redefinition of rape (regret) = Man is always the rapist.

Posted by: Yellowstone Caldera & SMOD at October 31, 2014 06:45 AM (D/504)

257 They'll never make it stick.  She swallowed the evidence.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:45 AM (rwI+c)

258 254 Maybe she just gives lousy head Is there such a thing? Posted by: Bandersnatch at October 31, 20 ^^This

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:45 AM (2Aj5D)

259 *reaches for phone* *clicks flashlight on and sees she's no hottie* Keep going if you want, but don't expect reciprocity.

Posted by: Adam at October 31, 2014 06:46 AM (HstNY)

260 she is the wife of his friend I'm thinking he didn't want his friend killing him

Posted by: ThunderB at October 31, 2014 06:46 AM (zOTsN)

261 FREE-DOM!!

Posted by: Succubus Liberation Front at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (lG2E3)

262 Maybe she just gives lousy head and calling the cops was easier than telling her. At least it wasn't a coyote hummer. Where you'd rather chew it off than wake her.....

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (5ic5a)

263 This is a real stress test of the old adage my pappy taught me ... handed down from generation to generation ... "no woman is ugly with your dick in her mouth."

Posted by: Andy at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (C/NnJ)

264 Maybe she just gives lousy head Is there such a thing? Imagine Snaggle-tooth Wasserman-Shmiltz.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (MMC8r)

265 that Honda ad is sidebar worthy I can't let up on the R, though. I like the dark side. http://www.youtube.com/user/HondaVideo

Posted by: Ghoul 'ette at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (IXrOn)

266 249 Hasn't this sort of thing happened to everyone at one time or another? Posted by: Vashta Nerada at October 31, 2014 11:44 AM ***walks away, head down somewhat embarrassed. No, not this, not some hot ass teacher nada, zilch.****

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:47 AM (2Aj5D)

267

she is the wife of his friend

I'm thinking he didn't want his friend killing him

 

And when you're not you're with some underworld spy or the wife of a close friend, wife of a close friend...

Posted by: Carly Simon at October 31, 2014 06:48 AM (JtwS4)

268 264 Maybe she just gives lousy head Is there such a thing? Imagine Snaggle-tooth Wasserman-Shmiltz. Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:47 AM (MMC8r Jewish Princess by FZ covers that and she does.

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:48 AM (2Aj5D)

269 Trick or Treat!

Posted by: dartist at October 31, 2014 06:49 AM (ahBY0)

270 Leave It To Beaver

Posted by: GnuBreed at October 31, 2014 06:49 AM (dQuGh)

271 What's the big deal? It's not as though they had sex or something.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (lG2E3)

272 Maybe she just gives lousy head Is there such a thing? Posted by: Bandersnatch The worst surprise hummer ever is better than the best day at work. Unless it happens at work........

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (5ic5a)

273 Morons.

Posted by: Gingy Bones at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (9422s)

274 Can they amend that court order to keep Kaci Hickox three hundred feet away from cameras?

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (MMC8r)

275 So kinda sorta on topic, I just read an article over at the daily mail talking about sexual fantasies. Apparently the most common female sexual fantasy is being dominated. I'm sure the feminists will be along shortly to tell us how horrible this is.

Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (BPMYx)

276 So because a male is a victim of his involuntary sexual response, that makes it okay or not as bad?

Plus what many females define as rape is being coerced verbally or emotionally into having sex. Or because it's with someone who's not attractive or because they changed their mind but it was too late so what was the point but later on they decided they were "violated" or just because women.

Only forcible rape or physically coerced rape (and not just because they were a feared cause the guy was bigger than them  and they assumed if they said no he'd do it anyway) should count as rape.

All the other stuff is sexual misconduct or assault.

Too much of what is charged depends on the freaking MOOD the female was in at the time.

Meanwhile because stimulating a male gets an automatic boner, that's no biggies cause hey men want it all the time anyway.
That argument is used about women also.

Just like somehow female teachers giving bj's to male high schoolers don't get as much time as a male teacher performing oral sex on a female student.

Let's get some equality here and stop making value judgments based on emotions and gender.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (KK+mC)

277 23 and 25 Agreed. Except, I think she's just plain hot in a MILF-y way, and he was hoping it was a dude. He only pressed charges, because he couldn't get it up. E.D. can be embarrassing.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at October 31, 2014 06:50 AM (Y92Nd)

278 @232 - Let's face facts. You need to know the situation before you react. She may not be EXACTLY what you wanted to see working your Johnson, but neither is she Joe from next door who you'd bash the teeth out of with the bedside lamp. The other critical elements in the process are: a) evidence (think Russian dash cams) b) if her husband truly is a friend you call him to come get her and save them both the arrest, as she already seems to have enough problems.

Posted by: JEM at October 31, 2014 06:51 AM (o+SC1)

279 All kidding aside, I'm totally sure that any long time musicians here have stories way fucking crazier than this. I sure the fuck do, and its not just us asshole metal heads either. Call me kooky, but no way could I have a chick arrested for that...and live with myself. Not for a simple hummer. Ok, if I woke up chained to a bed and broom handles and chainsaws were involved I would probably take my revenge.

Posted by: Berserker-Dragonheads Division at October 31, 2014 06:51 AM (FMbng)

280 Maybe she just gives lousy head and calling the cops was easier than telling her.
===========
Frank getting a handjob from Gail the Snail on Always Sunny, "Ok, stop. You're just mashing it now."


Posted by: RoyalOil at October 31, 2014 06:51 AM (VjL9S)

281 275 Obviously, hence 50 Shades of Gray.

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at October 31, 2014 06:51 AM (Y92Nd)

282 We all learn VERY early on just how to use or not use our teeth in said situations.

Posted by: Gingy Bones at October 31, 2014 06:52 AM (9422s)

283 Holy shit, Carly Simon. I have *always* heard that as wife of postman and thought it was odd. That's got to go on the misunderstood song lyrics hall of fame.

Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 06:52 AM (BPMYx)

284 Let's get some equality here and stop making value judgments based on emotions and gender. I think the horde is just goofing on the story. It's easy to do when it's some one you don't know.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:52 AM (MMC8r)

285 During my first term I used to wake up like this every morning. That's why I got an intern during my second term.

Posted by: W J Clinton at October 31, 2014 06:52 AM (l0lja)

286 She: Am I doing it right? He: No.

Posted by: Said No Guy, Ever [/i] at October 31, 2014 06:53 AM (zxQ4h)

287 Meanwhile because stimulating a male gets an automatic boner, that's no biggies cause hey men want it all the time anyway.

In fairness, he was scared stiff.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:53 AM (rwI+c)

288 Don't get any ideas.

Posted by: your wife at October 31, 2014 06:53 AM (NUCTk)

289 >>I'm sure the feminists will be along shortly to tell us how horrible this is.

You mean the ones who giggle about reading "50 Shades of Gray" yet get angry by cat calls and an unwanted male gaze?

Posted by: Lizzy at October 31, 2014 06:53 AM (D/504)

290 Her words to the police. "Really office I was just checking the plumbing".

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 06:53 AM (sWgE+)

291 He only pressed charges, because he couldn't get it up. E.D. can be embarrassing. Bob Dole says that doesn't happen to Bob Dole since Bob Dole got hooked up with those little blue Bob Dole pills. --Bob Dole

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:54 AM (5ic5a)

292 I'm thinking he didn't want his friend killing him

National news stories about your wife cheating on you can't possibly make getting cheated on that much better.

Posted by: HR at October 31, 2014 06:54 AM (/kI1Q)

293 You mean the ones who giggle about reading "50 Shades of Gray" yet get angry by cat calls and an unwanted male gaze? Exactly.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:54 AM (MMC8r)

294 You know I'd be shocked to find out alcohol was involved. Shocked.

Posted by: HoboJerk, TPHSATAR at October 31, 2014 06:54 AM (FA3Z7)

295 In fairness, he was scared stiff. Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 11:53 AM (rwI+c But was it straight? Posted by Wm. J. Clinton

Posted by: Misanthropic Humanitarian, let's bungle in the jungle at October 31, 2014 06:54 AM (2Aj5D)

296 237 CNN JUST IN: Maine issues court order against nurse Hickox.

Now there's a red line, beyotch!

Posted by: Mary Poppins' Practically Perfect Piercing at October 31, 2014 11:41 AM (zF6Iw)


I double-dog dare Hickoxen to cross the red ebola line. Of course we are talking about Maine, but whatever. I am hoping the store owners have a sign in their windows. Sort of a "You loot we shoot" from Katrina idea in "Hickox not welcome until November 10th, and then with mask and proof of recent temperature."


What would be perfection, not that I wish ebola on her and have my doubts if she was really exposed (and am believing she is a CDC plant), would be  for her to have a sudden and massive explosion of diarrhea on the bike from bacteria on her pizza last night. Captured live for posterity, and viewing  reporters and cameramen run a fifty yard dash in record time to their vans (considering they are holding their breath at the same moment).


Happy Halloween, Morons! I am not decorating this year as I am not going to unpack anything due to packing all of my crap for move next year. I am also not buying candy for people bigger than me who cross the river for "better candy" while my neighborhood children are no shows. Nope. I am going out to eat and leaving a dark house and then coming home to a dark house and hiding in the back of the house and not answering door. A first, but after two years of no kiddies and a lot of left-over candy... I know, pfft.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Detective of infectious disease czarina at October 31, 2014 06:55 AM (dMEBN)

297 275 So kinda sorta on topic, I just read an article over at the daily mail talking about sexual fantasies. Apparently the most common female sexual fantasy is being dominated. I'm sure the feminists will be along shortly to tell us how horrible this is. Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 11:50 AM (BPMYx) Just as soon as they're done fapping to 50 Shades of Grey

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:55 AM (DrWcr)

298 OK, Rick Perry. We get it, your state is awesome. Now you're just plain over-selling it.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at October 31, 2014 06:56 AM (uI8nH)

299 Just as soon as they're done fapping to 50 Shades of Grey Fapping or flicking?

Posted by: rickb223[/s][/b][/I] at October 31, 2014 06:56 AM (5ic5a)

300 It's OK. She didn't inhale.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 31, 2014 06:57 AM (SLea8)

301 I double-dog dare Hickoxen to cross the red ebola line. Of course we are talking about Maine, but whatever. I am hoping the store owners have a sign in their windows. Sort of a "You loot we shoot" from Katrina idea in "Hickox not welcome until November 10th, and then with mask and proof of recent temperature." No Shirt, No Shoes, No Release from Quarantine, No Service"

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 06:57 AM (MMC8r)

302 I find the whole "unwanted male gaze" thing to be especially hilarious. Attn: Men. You will now be outfitted with special blinders that must be worn at all times. No wonder they love the burkas so much.

Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 06:57 AM (BPMYx)

303 THEN WHO WAS HEAD?

Posted by: Heralder at October 31, 2014 06:57 AM (/Mxso)

304 299 Just as soon as they're done fapping to 50 Shades of Grey Fapping or flicking? Posted by: rickb223 at October 31, 2014 11:56 AM (5ic5a) Fapping, flicking the bean, strumming the baloney banjo, take your pick.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 06:58 AM (DrWcr)

305 I saw a NoI chick in a burkas-like thing the other day that looked hawt.  Clingy black satin or something.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (rwI+c)

306 I assume the missus wasn't home at the time?

Posted by: Brass Bancroft at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (RHLfG)

307 Bitch sucked him up.

Posted by: Marion Barry at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (lG2E3)

308 No wonder they love the burkas so much. Posted by: Lauren at October 31, 2014 11:57 AM (BPMYx) I love my wife and would never cheat on her. But come on, women are just too good looking. God is a damned fine sculpture. Why can't we rejoice in it?

Posted by: HoboJerk, TPHSATAR at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (FA3Z7)

309 That guy I slept with last night wasn't as cute as I initially thought he was. I WAS RAPED!

Posted by: College feminist at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (DrWcr)

310 That's disgusting. No one wants a woman to do that to them. Especially a woman that old.

Posted by: Harry Reid (P) at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (HstNY)

311 >>I find the whole "unwanted male gaze" thing to be especially hilarious.

It is such a contradiction that this has been identified as offensive at the same time they've declared being/dressing like a "slut" to be a human right.

Also, "unwanted" is only unwanted if the guy isn't attractive/desirable to them; most of the time it is oh so wanted and game on!

Posted by: Lizzy at October 31, 2014 06:59 AM (D/504)

312 No wonder they have a festival when she returns to Capistrano?

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2014 07:01 AM (OmbDz)

313 293 You mean the ones who giggle about reading "50 Shades of Gray" yet get angry by cat calls and an unwanted male gaze?

Exactly.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 11:54 AM (MMC8r)


Oh, honey. I can top this one. In a Bible Study a couple of years ago, a couple of liberal chicks defended the 50 Shades of Gray book as being an ok read...after I said, from what I had read about it, that it was sort of a predator type porno on a minor. This was after a question related to topic from the book we were studying.



Well, that started a lot of glaring at me from the table and, oh well. I am now known as a pompous and pious woman in addition to an aging supermodel Redneck Queen. Whatever. I also stood up to higher ups on the abortion and gay marriage issue before a church vote with the denomination. As I told a muckety-muck leader (I had no idea who he was or the power he had until later and had to laugh at his response to me), someday I answer to God, not men making up rules as they go by a tiny fraction of politically correct society vs the Word of God.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Detective of infectious disease czarina at October 31, 2014 07:01 AM (dMEBN)

314 Stop looking at my tits, you rapist!

Posted by: Topless Slutwalker at October 31, 2014 07:01 AM (DrWcr)

315 This may come as a shock to some of you young folks, but BJ's weren't always as common or accepted as now. In the pantheon of 1st Base, 2nd Base, etc. a BJ was somewhere near the dugout.

Posted by: Jinx the Cat at October 31, 2014 07:01 AM (l3vZN)

316 Stop looking at my ass you freak!

Posted by: Girl in Skin Tight Jeans at October 31, 2014 07:02 AM (HstNY)

317 >> This may come as a shock to some of you young folks, but BJ's weren't always as common or accepted as now.

YOU'RE WELCOME

Posted by: Bill Clinton at October 31, 2014 07:02 AM (D/504)

318 It is such a contradiction that this has been identified as offensive at the same time they've declared being/dressing like a "slut" to be a human right. Feminism cannot begin to comprehend how it constantly embodies female stereotypes. The arguments they make are almost perfect analogues to the tactics of cliched henpecking wives.

Posted by: --- at October 31, 2014 07:03 AM (MMC8r)

319 It's a damn shame she wasn't hot enough.

Posted by: Fritz at October 31, 2014 07:03 AM (UzPAd)

320 Do they make smartphones with a .38 Special app, that you can use after you use the flashlight app to look down and find a Democrat latched onto your dong?

Posted by: Alberta Oil Peon at October 31, 2014 07:03 AM (5FjnZ)

321 Grandma always said, "All girls suck cock and ALL girls suck cock.".

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2014 07:04 AM (OmbDz)

322 >>Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Detective of infectious disease czarina at October 31, 2014 12:01 PM

You rawk!

Posted by: Lizzy at October 31, 2014 07:05 AM (D/504)

323 Well, in his defense, having your manhood in someone's toothy (one hopes) orifice calls for a certain amount of circumspection. No sudden movements. Wouldn't be prudent!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2014 07:05 AM (9BRsg)

324 New one, with 100% less fellatio.

Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 07:05 AM (DrWcr)

325 Grandma always said, "All girls suck cock and ALL girls suck cock.".

Mine said, 'Rick or poor, get 'em drunk and their skirts come up.'

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 07:06 AM (rwI+c)

326 or Rich, err, I hope that's what she said anyway.

Posted by: toby928(C) at October 31, 2014 07:09 AM (rwI+c)

327 321Grandma always said, "All girls suck cock and ALL girls suck cock.".

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2014 12:04 PM (OmbDz)

 

Members of the court I would like to submit into evidences mrs.wrg500 providing that this statement is false.

Posted by: wrg500 at October 31, 2014 07:10 AM (sWgE+)

328 Hi, Lizzy! I am currently rocking my pink bathrobe after eating, defiantly, an ice cream sandwich for lunch. I have also had too much caffeine today in hopes of getting a few boxes packed for giant move of 2015 and other things I avoid like ebola plague. I am feeling sort of a mixture of exhaustion from FSU game, lack of sleep, and buzzy. Not a good combo so far.


My Indian name today is "Stands With Chocolate OD Don't Mess With Me." Husband is tied up in his office with ropes, so that is out of the way for interference. Bless his heart. He does support me and is cute and has no idea (oh, well, yes he does) what I am up to most of the time.


Oh, and yeah, when I asked the church muckety-muck about the non-stand on abortion for the denomination I will not mention, he looked away and said "That is the million dollar question." Which I took to mean, "Yeah, buddy, million dollars to your officers from my tithes in disregard to the majority of the faith." It is sort of like not yelling in the library to take a stand in church. Someone had to be the sacrificial lamb, and I was one of them as in a fight you will find me somewhere in the mass, bloodied, but not broken. I am the old bag who has been prepared to attack terrorists on planes since 9/12/01 and flew the moment the air restrictions were lifted because I had a sick family member and was flying every two weeks or so. My Daddy used to say I have always been this way. At the age of two I defiantly stood in the stands yelling for the "baby cow" to run from the cowboy trying to rope him. My Daddy was always entertained by me, or as he told my future husband, "You are getting the short end of the deal and am not sure you are prepared. She is a pistol." So, it is in my DNA.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky, Detective of infectious disease czarina at October 31, 2014 07:21 AM (dMEBN)

329 It's never about what's going down, but who's going down.

Posted by: Burn the Witch at October 31, 2014 07:27 AM (xSCb6)

330 But first, she will blow me.

Posted by: Mel Gibson at October 31, 2014 07:30 AM (SfJTL)

331 >>>Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot." I think you can back off the sanctimonious judgement a little bit ace. Rule 1 when somebody has your dick in their mouth is don't piss them off, Rule 2 is no sudden moves. You might want to pause and reflect regardless of his disposition, that this guy had to pause and reflect, exactly how he was going to get out of the situation keeping his equipment intact, before rushing to judgement. He might also have a gf who is into surprise sex and legitimately had to check. You don't know. So maybe you should temper your judgmental attitude a little.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at October 31, 2014 07:34 AM (uvjrz)

332 Alternate poat title: Man Awakens In A Blake Edwards Movie

Posted by: Soothsayer is All Knowing of Approximate Knowledge at October 31, 2014 07:46 AM (ZdhZz)

333

As long as it's Veronica Lake or Rita Hayworth. Posted by: Insomniac at October 31, 2014 11:18 AM (DrWcr)

 You want: Veronica Lake or Rita Hayworth look-alike

You'll settle for: average looking woman

You'll get: Helen Thomas or Rosie O'Donnell look-alike

Posted by: Donna and V. at October 31, 2014 07:57 AM (u0lmX)

334 Has Goldberg told us if this is rape-rape? Or rape? We need a ruling on this. He has proven men are at 80% ready to agree to sex even in the dark. I'll bet most women think this is level of rape, most men stutter and try to explain why it isn't.

Posted by: Bob from table9 at October 31, 2014 08:02 AM (WNERA)

335

313 293 You mean the ones who giggle about reading "50 Shades of Gray" yet get angry by cat calls and an unwanted male gaze?

 

 Yeah, but isn't the predator in 50 Shades of Gray a handsome zillionaire or something? (I didn't read it). That's different from cousin Pookie telling you he likes your booty.

 

And definitely different from the local nutcase (and former cop) who was recently arrested here for chopping up women he met on an B and D site (who were undoubtably hoping for a handsome zillionaire).

Posted by: Donna and V. at October 31, 2014 08:03 AM (u0lmX)

336 Someone wake the Ewok up in the middle of the night with a hummer and see how he reacts? As an experiment. For Science!

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 31, 2014 08:16 AM (1hM1d)

337 Yeah, but isn't the predator in 50 Shades of Gray a handsome zillionaire or something? (I didn't read it). That's different from cousin Pookie telling you he likes your booty. The Other McCain made that point: these were mostly young black and hispanic men. Had it been George Clooney, the woman in the video would have dropped her panties on the spot and we would have had a sex tape instead.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at October 31, 2014 08:18 AM (1hM1d)

338 It was a dare I tell you, a dare!

Posted by: Good lookin' at closing time at October 31, 2014 09:11 AM (Y3BRN)

339 I can imagine a possible train of thought now. "Whoa, I'm being sucked off as I lie here in bed! Who is this person who is sucking me off? Could it be someone whose mouth I have dreamed of filling with my semen? Could this surprise act be one I should just lie back and enjoy? Have all my wet dreams come true at once?" *clicks light on* "NO, WAIT, I do not want THIS person to be sucking me off; not now, not ever." And THAT is the point at which it absolutely, definitely becomes sexual assault.

Posted by: perturbed at October 31, 2014 09:19 AM (TXq4O)

340 What a weird incident.... There is something very wrong with this woman. I am glad that he followed through and reported this to LE, and she has been arrested.

Posted by: Jen at October 31, 2014 09:24 AM (msAGT)

341 "Here, the guy is, as a legal matter, being raped, and what's his response? "Let me take a look-see and see if she's hot."" I'm not convinced. Was he dating anyone? I have a roommate, she and I aren't romantically involved (never have been). If I were currently dating someone, and woke up to an unexpected BJ I'd assume my roomie let my girlfriend into the house. I would not assume someone I wasn't romantically involved with decided a "surprise BJ" was a good idea. I'm not going to pull away, or scream, or start swinging when I can't see who it is; because I assume the person involved is the one person I'd accept doing this. When I find out otherwise... cops are getting called.

Posted by: gekkobear at October 31, 2014 09:46 AM (qqVuf)

342 After seeing her picture and going with the Howie Carr rule: I'd say she is definitely guilty.

Posted by: ADK46er at October 31, 2014 10:38 AM (5XpRH)

343 Nice try Ace, but the story does not say he didn't stop her before turning on his cell-phone/flashlight, as amusing as that would be. It only says he did not know who had done it until he turned on his flashlight. Now as to why he turned on his flashlight instead of getting up and turning on a regular light, well, maybe he was trying to preserve the possibilities, which would be amusing, until he shines his light on this: http://tinyurl.com/lrqvjyt

Posted by: Alec Rawls at October 31, 2014 11:50 AM (kTTUz)

344

In fairness, the fact that he saw it was his friend's wife and might have really objected then.

 

I think that's a reasonable response, unless he is one of those super sensitive types about random blowjobs.

 

What if it was a dude Ace?  Does that make it less sexual assault then, b/c if it was a hot chick he would have let it continue??  I think not.

Posted by: prescient11 at October 31, 2014 12:14 PM (q5APL)

345 I didnt catch the link to pics he got after the ID.

Posted by: kansas at October 31, 2014 05:07 PM (uBVzH)

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