March 01, 2013

Truth to Power: The Onion Bravely... Goes After Woodward in Obama/Woodward Fight
— Ace

Without bothering to link the article, their headline is:

Anonymous Source Informs Bob Woodward He Hasn't Been Relevant In 40 Years

I can think of someone else of declining relevance.

Anyone remember the last time you got sent an Onion article or video?

The last time you saw them linked on a blog?

Been a little while, eh?

I don't keep up with such things but a while ago someone commented on their decline, telling me it was his belief that a lot of the funnier writers chose not to move to Chicago, preferring to stay in New York, back when they moved offices to reduce costs.

It's been a long time since they were funny. The Onion's not even on my radar anymore. You know what part of the Onion I read? The AV Club. To see what I missed on a TV show.

That said, they annoyed me, so I wrote these.


Top Ten Headlines Rejected By The Onion

10. The Onion's Management Reports "Modest Success" with New Non-Humor Format

9. Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans

8. The Onion Losing Top Writers to Poaching By Reddit, Etsy, and the United States Postal Service

7. Producer Admits That Shelved Idea of an "Onion TV Show" Now Seems "Pretty Fucking Stupid, When You Think About It"

6. The Onion Staff Said To Handle Declining Career Prospects with Grace, Prescription Back Medication

5. Local Editor at The Onion Really Thinking About Getting His Real Estate License "or Just Taking to the Rails to Really See America"

4. Embarrassed Onion Writer Explains to Friend "All My Really Good Stuff Goes Into My Novel & Pinterest Account"

3. The Onion Publishing Imprint Proudly Announces Coming Book, "The Idiot's Guide to Total Creative Exhaustion"

2. Bitter Onion Writer Overheard Muttering Darkly About Being "Led Astray" by Alcohol, Clown College

...and the Number One Headline Rejected by the Onion...

1. Local Man Informed He Will Die of AIDS Unless He Reads the Last Three Years of The Onion Cover-to-Cover

UPDATE: Local Man Dies of AIDS

Posted by: Ace at 05:45 AM | Comments (329)
Post contains 389 words, total size 2 kb.

1 First.

Forty year career in the dumper according to the Juicebox mafia.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:47 AM (qyv02)

2 The only people keeping Onion alive now are conservative bloggers.

Posted by: JDTAY at March 01, 2013 05:48 AM (a0nis)

3 Humor's a bitch when you've self denied yourself all the good targets due to partisanship or misplaced loyalty or fear of the mob.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:49 AM (qyv02)

4 Onion Headline - "Bo Bites Woodward In Rose Garden"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at March 01, 2013 05:50 AM (U5rMc)

5

Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans

 

Okay, I just laughed so hard I think I strained a back muscle.  OW OW OW.

 

But it was worth it.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:50 AM (4df7R)

6 You had on your dancing shoes there tiger...

Ace keep your batteries up as good old JR says on WWE "business is about to pick up...."

after  the extinction level event of 87 billion in cuts we're gonna have to try to play the debt ceiling game again...

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 05:50 AM (LRFds)

7 Is this an attempt to win redemption after calling a 9 year old a vile word?

Posted by: Long Island at March 01, 2013 05:50 AM (hl8SI)

8 The Onion has been dead to me ever since they killed off Herbert Kornfeld. Sonsabitches.

Posted by: DanInMN at March 01, 2013 05:51 AM (XqeyF)

9 It's why Leno and Letterman are getting worse.

When's the last comedic routing you saw that talked about the Presidency or something he'd done? I mean this Presidency.

They can't even talk about slow joe and he's low hanging fruit.

Comedy routines don't go over too well when there's nothing to laugh at and there's no bite.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:51 AM (qyv02)

10 So if Woodward been irrelevant for the last 40, why all the huff and puff?

Posted by: Temper Tantrum at March 01, 2013 05:51 AM (AWmfW)

11 Is this the Onion jumping the shark?

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 05:51 AM (8sCoq)

12 Hey, why don't you try making a funny website? ...That isn't called "Ace of Spades HQ".

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 05:51 AM (a0nis)

13

Anonymous Source Informs Bob Woodward He Hasn't Been Relevant In 40 Years

 

I find that funny, given that any time    since   Watergate till today, he's been considered    journalistic royalty   by    the media gatekeepers on    the left.    Sheesh,    leave one little scuff mark on the    Mocha Messiah's tile floor and suddenly you're anathema to the cause.  

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:52 AM (4df7R)

14 routine not routing.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:52 AM (qyv02)

15 And I can't even blame my smartphone and the tiny keys.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:52 AM (qyv02)

16 Nicely done, Ace.  Last time I tuned into the Onion was last century.

Posted by: John the Libertarian at March 01, 2013 05:52 AM (oshol)

17 In their heyday they were genius, but I agree, it's crap now. 

Also, they weren't as political then as they are now, it's morphed into a sort of MSNBC form of satire for liberal activists to post on their Facebook pages.

Posted by: McAdams at March 01, 2013 05:52 AM (b1k4u)

18 Journalist reports fact , deemed irrelevant.

Posted by: Temper Tantrum at March 01, 2013 05:53 AM (AWmfW)

19 Well, if he has been irrelevant, why the waste of a headline and why would the WH sic their journolist groupies on him?  That being said, no conservative should put any faith or trust in someone like Woodward, a lefty to the core.  Like Milky Loads and Juan Williams, he ultimately will stab you in the back.

Posted by: ejo at March 01, 2013 05:53 AM (GXvSO)

20 You'd think Woodward took down his pants and dragged his ass all over the Oval Office rug or something.

They're talking about him like he was found on a corner with his zipper undone and couldn't remember his name or address.

And they don't see what they're doing.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:54 AM (qyv02)

21 But following the liberal herd is just so edgy.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 01, 2013 05:54 AM (DrWcr)

22

AH!   I've figured out who Obammy reminds me of!     Domyouji Tsukasa from Hana Yori Dango!     Same spoiled attitude.   Same aura of "I can do    whatever I want and NO ONE can disagree with me."    Same vicious takedowns of opponents, both real and imagined.

 

Except that Domyouji was eventually redeemed,   whereas Obammy will burn in hell   for being a sniveling little rat bastard of a     "man."

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:54 AM (4df7R)

23 Funny how Bob was the grand poobah of journalism, but now he's the enemy of the industry. Some idiots are actually saying he's a right winger out to get his majesty. Tow the line Bob or become an enemy of the peoples

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 01, 2013 05:55 AM (1Jaio)

24 The only people keeping Onion alive now are conservative bloggers.

Posted by: JDTAY at March 01, 2013 10:48 AM (a0nis)

 

Conservative bloggers and idiots in the MFM who keep mistaking satire for real news and reporting it as such.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:55 AM (4df7R)

25 I'm rubber!  You're glue! 

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 05:55 AM (oshol)

26 @9

Which is why the next Republican President should be prepared to suffer the release of the most massive case of journalistic and comedic blue balls this nation has ever witnessed.

Deep down they want and need another Republican President so the can be "funny" again.

Posted by: General Woundwort at March 01, 2013 05:55 AM (RrD4h)

27 Ace is a poopy pants!

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (oshol)

28 The Onion? 
Never heard of it.

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (FIDMq)

29 I'm rubber! You're glue!

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 10:55 AM (oshol)

 

Hey, quit stealing my shtick!

Posted by: Keith Ellison at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (DrWcr)

30 Trying to divert us from the Apocalypse of Sequestration, eh?

It's begun: already, marauding bands of GS-14's are roaming our neighborhood back yards, fighting among themselves to dive into our trashbins and get that last bit of cheese and grease soaked into the pizza boxes!

It's the End Time, I tell ya!  The End of Days! All our Onions are fried!

Posted by: I blame the GOP at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (WGOcs)

31

I think this meme of "Woodward is a senile has-been" could blend nicely with the "journalist reports about completely mundane thing; MIND BLOWN"    meme.    How to synthesize the two...

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (4df7R)

32 Nothing compares to HeHaw! Sall-oooooot!

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (v1dFx)

33 Bob better watch out they don't hustle his ass over to Walter Reed for "Observation".

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 05:56 AM (qyv02)

34 RACISTS!!!!!!

Posted by: The Onion is Funny at March 01, 2013 05:57 AM (Bv9qa)

35 you know you have lost it when the funniest thing you can think of is calling a 9 year old a Cunt.

Posted by: shaftoe at March 01, 2013 05:57 AM (221D/)

36 All Woodward needs to do to rehabilitate his rep is go after a Republican.

Posted by: Real Joe at March 01, 2013 05:57 AM (e3vU6)

37

It's begun: already, marauding bands of GS-14's are roaming our
neighborhood back yards, fighting among themselves to dive into our
trashbins and get that last bit of cheese and grease soaked into the
pizza boxes!

 

I laughed.   A LOT.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:57 AM (4df7R)

38 The Onion was proto-Daily Show "above-it-all" crap even in it's funnier hayday. Fuck them.

Posted by: JJ Stone at March 01, 2013 05:57 AM (0sXCw)

39 Before 11:00 am?!

The government had to shut down Ace's snooze-button on account of sequestration.

Posted by: Serious Cat at March 01, 2013 05:58 AM (UypUQ)

40 I KNOW YOU ARE BUT WHAT AM I.........

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 05:58 AM (jucos)

41 My liberal friends have actually kept a confused silence on sequestration and the juicebox guard.   They know some kind of cat has been let out of the bag but aren't sure which way to skin it yet.

Posted by: SarahW at March 01, 2013 05:59 AM (LYwCh)

42 Local reporter researches Woodward    career for backstory in hit piece;   discovers evidence of real journalism.   Discards.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 05:59 AM (4df7R)

43 The best Onion writers went to The Duffle Blog.

Posted by: NaCly Dog at March 01, 2013 05:59 AM (u82oZ)

44 Well, ok, Red Skelton was pretty good.

Posted by: Skandia Recluse at March 01, 2013 05:59 AM (v1dFx)

45 I said it before (and ace replied with the story about Ny to Chicago). The Onion. Is that still a thing?

Posted by: blaster at March 01, 2013 06:00 AM (pZDxu)

46 SO FUNNEH I FORGAHT TO LAUGH! *blows snot bubbles out of nose*

Posted by: The Onion at March 01, 2013 06:00 AM (jucos)

47 Trust me on this, at Woodwards age no one is reliable.

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 01, 2013 06:00 AM (AWmfW)

48 The Onion makes us raff.

Posted by: China Media at March 01, 2013 06:00 AM (VndSC)

49 So we're only two months in and this government has $1750 of my money. FUCK THIS SHIT!

Posted by: cajun carrot at March 01, 2013 06:01 AM (UZQM8)

50 Jeebus, why don't you just hit them over the head with a cookie cake

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 06:01 AM (Dnbau)

51 Ace, you seem to spend a lot of time on comedy. The technical aspects of what's funny, what isn't, why and how.



You're either a successful stand up comic or a failed sitcom writer IRL.

Posted by: BCochran1981 at March 01, 2013 06:01 AM (da5Wo)

52

Local reporter reads The Onion; feels confused and dirty.  Takes shower.

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (4df7R)

53 Sequester Cuts Onion Humor Department Funds

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (m2CN7)

54 The Onion should change its format to all Jim Anchower, all the time.

Posted by: Baron Von Ottomatic at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (6WVi+)

55 The Onion was relevant and hilarious, before sequestration.

Posted by: Roy at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (VndSC)

56 LEAVE BRITTANY  BARACK ALONE!!11!!

Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (RRbuy)

57 Brave, brave Sir onion, rode forth from camelot.......

Posted by: Berserker at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (FMbng)

58 That truth to power shit is overrated.

Now LIES to power, that can be worth some money.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:02 AM (qyv02)

59 The Onion? Aren't they related to that video-producing group Funny No More? Or am I confusing it with Give Me Funny or Give Me Death?

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 01, 2013 06:03 AM (GWxXv)

60 Head nodders.  The are writing for head nodders now.  You know, the same ones in Bill Maher's audience.  Like, he isn't funny, but its like going to church for them

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 06:03 AM (Dnbau)

61 Local Reporter interviews    local cat lady:   "The sequestration stole my kneecaps!" 

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 06:03 AM (4df7R)

62 Why aren't any of my strikethrough/itallics/etc not showing up on comments? Using Firefox...

Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (RRbuy)

63 Y'know, I miss the Onion.

I'll always remember them fondly for the Sept 26, 2001 issue that was brilliantly executed and delivered exactly when I was ready for (desperately needing) a laugh. All those writers got hired somewhere else.

Posted by: Ronzoni at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (9mdaQ)

64

Onion  Humor  Killed  By  Liberalism  And  Unfunny  Writers  But  Mostly Liberalism.

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (m2CN7)

65 Drunken blogging. Sort of like Drunken Kung Fu but with fewer stunts.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (qyv02)

66 >>"a lot of the funnier writers chose not to move to Chicago, preferring to stay in New York, back when they moved offices to reduce costs."

Moving to Chicago to reduce costs?
That's an Onion satire bit, right?

Posted by: looking closely at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (6Q9g2)

67 Hey, discuss Salma Hayek and you get boobs AND Mexicans! Win-win!

Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (RD7QR)

68 Coordinated character assassination you guys!
$10 says SNL's opening skit involves a senile Woodward who is incapable of realizing he is no longer relevant. They're so predictable.

Posted by: Lizzy at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (is6Me)

69 Green Onion , now all jokes recycled.

Posted by: EPA at March 01, 2013 06:04 AM (AWmfW)

70 >Why aren't any of my strikethrough/itallics/etc not showing up on comments? Using Firefox...

Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (RRbuy)



sequestration, duh

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 06:05 AM (8sCoq)

71 Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (RRbuy)

They're on time out due to the sequester.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:05 AM (qyv02)

72 The  Onion  is  as  relevant  as  I  am!

Posted by: Keith "Kweef" Olbermann at March 01, 2013 06:05 AM (ypzqs)

73 Why aren't any of my strikethrough/itallics/etc not showing up on comments? Using Firefox... Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (RRbuy) Answer 1: Because sequestration started today. Answer 2: Because Woodward is old and useless.

Posted by: blaster at March 01, 2013 06:05 AM (pZDxu)

74 Hey anyone know where the extension for blocking people is?

Posted by: HoboJerky, now with 74% more DOOM! at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (FsUAO)

75 yeah that Olberman fuck has dropped off the radar, huh

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (8sCoq)

76 Posted by: joncelli at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (RD7QR)

AND She's a boob and a Mexican.

Beautiful women shouldn't talk. It spoils everything.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (qyv02)

77 Why aren't any of my strikethrough/itallics/etc not showing up on comments? Using Firefox...

Posted by: Juicebox Media at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (RRbuy)

 

The formatting buttons don't work, if that's what you're trying to use.    You'll want to use BBS style formatting tags.    for bold, for italic, for strikethru, for underline.    Just remove the    extra spaces I included between the letter and the closing bracket,   and be sure to close the tags    (e.g., , , etc)

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (4df7R)

78 Onion Reporter Uncovers Cunts In Local School
Building On Lockdown

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (QTHTd)

79 The Onion had some funny shit during the Clintoon years. The Special Forces article almost made me pass out from laughing. A recent good one was Biden washing his Trans Am in the WH driveway. Chuckle worthy.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (jucos)

80 I subscribe to the Onion's YouTube channel, and often put their vids in my humor playlists (nic link). But I link all kinds of stuff, and I've unlisted several Onion vids after viewing them. They're funny sometimes, when they're absurdist. Good for a minute. Like the recent vid that had cops worrying about a very sharp knife. But mostly politically, they stink. And as Ace's headlines show, their level of wit is not hard to churn out (all due respect, Ace's were Onion-funny plus good parody). It's like when Jenna Marbles says or does something political, it's just sad. Except, playing Palin, adding moose meat to chocolate chip cookies was memorably chuckleworthy. Now, about the Newscaster laugh track...

Posted by: a mindful webworker at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (EcpFD)

81 What the fuck. Woodward is a brain dead leftist. I savor his cannibalization.

Posted by: maddogg at March 01, 2013 06:06 AM (OlN4e)

82 newsbusted

Posted by: a mindful webworker at March 01, 2013 06:07 AM (EcpFD)

83

Carrot Top Finally Tops Onion As Funniest Vegetable

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:07 AM (m2CN7)

84 Before this week, the last time I noticed that The Onion exists was when a group of their writers were in Penn Jillette's aristocrats-joke movie (which, except for Gottfried's, Stanhope's, and Taylor Negron's contributions, was depressing garbage).

Their writers' room was like a human resources department cupcake party with terrified nerds trying not to be funny in it, lest the hens get spooked.

So of course this is what they are now. This, and public apologies for any accidental joke-making competence.

Posted by: oblig. at March 01, 2013 06:07 AM (cePv8)

85 Olberman? Never heard of her.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at March 01, 2013 06:07 AM (qyv02)

86 Moving to Chicago to reduce costs?
That's an Onion satire bit, right?

Posted by: looking closely at March 01, 2013 11:04 AM (6Q9g2)

 

I thought the same thing!

 

Didn't Oprah have to move Harpo out of Chicago TO New York for the same reasons?

Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit [/i][/u][/b] at March 01, 2013 06:07 AM (4df7R)

87 Maybe they all want to work for SNL.

Posted by: huerfano at March 01, 2013 06:08 AM (bAGA/)

88 Re: Woodward vs everybody


I like  Woodward's chances

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 06:08 AM (8sCoq)

89 I'm disturbed by the douche in the bathtub in the sidebar.  Brrrrrr.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 06:08 AM (UOM48)

90 The "juice box mafia" and its minions (and I'm looking at you, "Onion") is contemptible. Has "Th Onion" won six Pulitzers " from internet Bob Woodward (born March 26, 1943) is regarded as one of America’s preeminent investigative reporters and non-fiction authors. He has worked for The Washington Post since 1971 as a reporter, and is currently an associate editor of the Post. While a young reporter for The Washington Post in 1972, Woodward was teamed up with Carl Bernstein; the two did much, but not all, of the original news reporting on the Watergate scandal that led to numerous government investigations and the eventual resignation of President Richard Nixon. Gene Roberts, former managing editor of The New York Times has called the work of Woodward and Bernstein “maybe the single greatest reporting effort of all time.” [1] Woodward has authored or coauthored 16 non-fiction books in the last 36 years. All 16 have been national bestsellers and 12 of them have been #1 national non-fiction bestsellers — more #1 national non-fiction bestsellers than any contemporary author. Where are YOUR best selling books, Onion writers?.

Posted by: Mary'sisterfromMontpelier at March 01, 2013 06:08 AM (Uhg6n)

91 Before I even read the line I thought, "oh I remember the Onion. They used to be funny." Sho nuff...

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at March 01, 2013 06:08 AM (uhftQ)

92 Posted by: MWR, Proud Tea(rrorist) Party Assault Hobbit at March 01, 2013 11:06 AM (4df7R)

Ah f 'em. Let em suffer like we have for a while.

Get that rough around the edges blog feel.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at March 01, 2013 06:09 AM (qyv02)

93

Head nodders. The are writing for head nodders now. You know, the same ones in Bill Maher's audience. Like, he isn't funny, but its like going to church for them

 

'cept that going to church is supposed to involve introspection, self-criticism, and learning as well as socialization, and group affirmation and cohesion.

Posted by: Grey Fox at March 01, 2013 06:09 AM (B4jfv)

94 Eh, they are just bootlicking to make up for Sundays c*** joke. Whatever.

Posted by: Alex #11 at March 01, 2013 06:09 AM (ibfLw)

95 >Moving to Chicago to reduce costs?That's an Onion satire bit, right?


a recently enacted Cook Co. tax increase means a pack of Newports is gonna set TFG back $11

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 06:09 AM (8sCoq)

96 Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at March 01, 2013 11:08 AM (uhftQ)

They had Penquins in sweaters for a post pic yesterday. I thought of your avatar immediately.

Posted by: Charles Gibson at March 01, 2013 06:09 AM (qyv02)

97 Woodward was on Hannity last night.  There were reports yesterday that indicated he was backing down....he didn't sound like he was backing down a bit last night.

Posted by: Tami[/i] at March 01, 2013 06:10 AM (X6akg)

98 Anyone remember the last time you got sent an Onion article or video? Various Deities Still Sorting Through Victims Of Tragic Queens Bus Accident http://is.gd/xyGTVj Media Having Trouble Finding Right Angle On Obama's Double-Homicide http://is.gd/1RzYfh

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:10 AM (QupBk)

99 Oops. Gotta put Charles back to bed.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:10 AM (qyv02)

100 You know who else is really relevant?  Kathleen Parker.  I opened my paper to the Opinion page this morning, and there was Mooch in all her glory, with a glowing article about her bangs, or "butterfly wings" as Kathy calls them.

Then I stabbed myself in the eye with a fork.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 06:10 AM (UOM48)

101 My staffers don't even know who Bob Woodward is.  Hell, they don't know who Nixon was.  They only know the presidents since Clinton.


Take That, Bob Woodward!

Posted by: Katrina van den Whodat at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (bAGA/)

102 the meme is now Woodward is creating false controversy to sell books to conservatives, or something.  And as delightful as this is, like watching different jihadi factions go at each other, they are still, both jihadis.  Even Woodward has couched his comments so as not to blame the JEF, but his underlings, for his treatment by the JEF's administration.  Even Woodward, now, will not hold the JEF responsible

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (Dnbau)

103 81-I agree.  When they attack each other, conservatives should just sit back and laugh.  No media leftist will actually change his spots.  Many conservatives praised the fair leftist Juan Williams when NPR essentially called him mentally ill.  In response, he has not hesitated to launch absolutely vicious attacks from his leftist perspective.  He can't help it-it is what he is. 

Posted by: ejo at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (GXvSO)

104 Onion Restaurant Review: Obama's Nutsack (6/5) "Like the fruits of Paradise, with pubes"

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (QTHTd)

105 Little Girl Calls Onion Writers Pricks Because Everyone Was Thinking It.

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (m2CN7)

106 One c**t joke and you're an asshole forever.

Posted by: The Onion which is starting to rot at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (qyv02)

107 I was informed by commenters at WaPo yesterday that Woodward is a "lifelong Republican."  Who knew?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 06:11 AM (UOM48)

108 In The Know: Is The Government Spying On Paranoid Schizophrenics Enough? http://is.gd/jK5za5

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (QupBk)

109 Woodward and the Zerothug relationship reminds me of that Animal Planet show "Fatal Attractions". You know, people like the guy who gets the baby crocodile when it's a foot long, then it turns and eats his ass when it gets big enough. After he proclaims that the reptile and he have an undying love. Same deal.

Posted by: maddogg at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (OlN4e)

110

Posted by: toby928© for TB at March 01, 2013 11:10 AM (QupBk)

 

Come on.  You're ruining the meme for this comedy bit.

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (m2CN7)

111 Full court press guys! Just go back to the convention writeups you did and replace "Clint Eastwood" with "Bob Woodward". Your comrades are trusting you can turn this around on short notice.

Posted by: Dave S. at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (3R0Zs)

112 I hope that Woodward has supportive friends because he's sure getting blowback from daring to criticize Comrade Obama

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (Uhg6n)

113 The Onion and SNL: The butt-of-joke buddies.

Posted by: ≠lol at March 01, 2013 06:13 AM (XYSwB)

114 #95 a recently enacted Cook Co. tax increase means a pack of Newports is gonna set TFG back $11
===

No it won't.

You just buy smuggled-in bootleg ones from the mob cheaper. 

I'd say it looks like Chicago hasn't learned anything at all from the Al Capone days, but I suspect impossibly priced cigarettes there are a feature , not a bug.  

Posted by: looking closely at March 01, 2013 06:14 AM (PwGfd)

115 Writer No One Has Heard Of  Calls Bob Woodward Irrelevant

Posted by: Toure at March 01, 2013 06:14 AM (0DlnM)

116 the spying on paranoids is very funny.  It's also two years plus old.


Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 06:15 AM (LCRYB)

117 It's more like speaking power to truth.

Posted by: Ernst Blofeld at March 01, 2013 06:15 AM (B6nJ8)

118 I was informed by commenters at WaPo yesterday that Woodward is a "lifelong Republican." Who knew?
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 11:11 AM



Well, not the commenters at WaPo.  He's a registered dem.

Posted by: huerfano at March 01, 2013 06:15 AM (bAGA/)

119 Come on. You're ruining the meme for this comedy bit. Sorry but two more Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell http://is.gd/NaPRZa and the classic Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock? http://is.gd/RDv1Yi

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:15 AM (QupBk)

120 " Writer No One Has Heard Of Calls Bob Woodward Irrelevant" sums it up nicely

Posted by: a mindful webworker at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (j1x0S)

121 Homeless Man Laughs At The Onion, A Squirrel, A Dog Turd And A Passing Cloud

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (QTHTd)

122 I didn't say they were NEVER funny.

I am saying they haven't been funny in about two years.  About the same time as the big move & shake-up of staff.


Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (LCRYB)

123 Humor, What Is It Good For?


---The Onion

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (4cRnj)

124 117 It's more like speaking power to truth.

Posted by: Ernst Blofeld at March 01, 2013 11:15 AM (B6nJ


Ding!

Posted by: Temper Tantrum at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (AWmfW)

125 do they have Indian Reservation in Illinois?  You load up on your smokes there, and avoid all tax.

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (Dnbau)

126 This thing about Woodward is like being in an elevator and someone farts.

EVERYBODY starts looking around at everyone else.

It's like no one did it.

It just magically appeared.

They just don't want to admit how low they've sunk.

The people know; only 6% of America thinks that Journalists are very trustworthy.

That figure used to be way higher. Usually way higher than Congress.

Now look what they've done to their chosen field. They've shit all over the walls and puked in the sink and no one's cleaned the kitchen in months but one guy says "hey this place is a shit hole" and all of a sudden everyone's all house proud.

What hypocrites, what losers, what liars. They make Lawyers look good.

Posted by: The Onion which is starting to rot at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (qyv02)

127 It's just so bizarre (slight smirk) and really quite sad (smirk) when it becomes so painfully obvious that a living legend has lost his fastball (smug smirk).

Posted by: Rachel Maddow at March 01, 2013 06:16 AM (3R0Zs)

128 toby continues plundering the archives for funny stuff...

The homosexuals one is like 10 years old.

Posted by: ace at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (LCRYB)

129

I have never read an Onion article.  Guess I haven't missed much.

Posted by: jewells45issickofsnow! at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (l/N7H)

130 The Onion Unveils New Marketing Slogan: "We're sort of like Cracked.com. Now, those guys are funny!"

Posted by: Phinn at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (oFH2D)

131 The Israel lobby is using Woodward to get to me.

Posted by: Chuck Hagel at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (MSrqi)

132 speaking meth to power

Posted by: thunderb at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (Dnbau)

133 the spying on paranoids is very funny. It's also two years plus old. Yeah, I laughed out loud watching it. Maybe they haven't been that funny lately and I'm just accidentally proving you point but these cracked me up enough to remember their headlines.

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (QupBk)

134 The Onion has been dead to me ever since they killed off Herbert Kornfeld. Sonsabitches.

Posted by: DanInMN at March 01, 2013 10:51 AM (XqeyF)

 

It's all about the numbahs.

Posted by: troyriser at March 01, 2013 06:17 AM (vtiE6)

135 Didn't Kim Jung-Un think he was voted sexiest man alive for a minute?  That was kinda funny.

Like a blind squirrel getting a nut, though.

The Onion is trying to follow the Daily Show format --- smug snarkiness not based in fact.  Daily Show is lame.  Copying the Daily Show is lamer.

Posted by: jd at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (Ks5+T)

136 Well, not the commenters at WaPo. He's a registered dem.

Posted by: huerfano at March 01, 2013 11:15 AM (bAGA/




I should have used a sarc tag.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (UOM48)

137 That's some funny shit ace. Well done.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet is no longer shamelessly hawking his book Amy Lynn available on amazon. at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (l86i3)

138 Hey, remember me?

Posted by: Carl Bernstein at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (MSrqi)

139 In other news, Taco Bell has found burro meat in their burritos. 

Not to panic: they will be adopting a new ad slogan:

Posted by: Yo quiero burro meat at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (WGOcs)

140 The Onion and SNL.

The only thing funny about either one is how unfunny they've become.

Posted by: The Onion which is starting to rot at March 01, 2013 06:18 AM (qyv02)

141 I am not a crook.

Posted by: Obama's Umbrella Staff at March 01, 2013 06:19 AM (bGlsD)

142 Like a blind squirrel getting a nut, though. Well, even blind people masterbate. Oh, wait, you meant like and acorn. Nevermind.

Posted by: Oldsailors Poet is no longer shamelessly hawking his book Amy Lynn available on amazon. at March 01, 2013 06:19 AM (l86i3)

143 30 I Blame the GOP,

I saw two GS-11s that are stuck skinning a slain Truck Driver for boots....

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 06:19 AM (LRFds)

144 Onion  Rereleases  Funny  Bits  Only  This  Time  In  3D

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:19 AM (m2CN7)

145 Once Popular Website Chides Bob Woodward For Irrelevancy, Unwillingness To Call 9 Year Old Girls Cunts

Posted by: Toure at March 01, 2013 06:19 AM (0DlnM)

146 Fart Jokes, Making A Comeback? (Cuz, We Got 'Em)


---The Onion

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 06:20 AM (4cRnj)

147 I got a chuckle out of this recent Onion piece: http://goo.gl/Gs6Vf

Posted by: Flores para los muertos at March 01, 2013 06:20 AM (wQXBk)

148 this was the Onion a few weeks ago (found it on line.) Funny? I dunno...

Speaking at a hastily called White House press conference Friday, a visibly tense and perspiring President Barack Obama confessed that the United States’ fleet of roughly 700 armed drones have been conducting airstrikes entirely on their own for the past several years. “Look, I’m just going to come clean here: Every single U.S. drone currently deployed has been selecting and bombing targets without any guidance from military officials on the ground,” a trembling Obama told reporters, admitting that he last authorized a drone attack in 2010, and that recent strikes in Pakistan, Yemen, and most perplexingly, the Philippines, have been planned and executed entirely by the unmanned combat air vehicles themselves. “I’ll admit that the extensive use of drone aircraft was something my administration readily embraced, but we’ve lost all contact with these things, and as it stands now, we have no idea who or what is controlling them—or if they’re even being controlled at all. Jesus, these things are terrifying. We need to shut them down before it’s too late!” At press time, all the blood had reportedly drained from Obama’s face and he stood stock-still as a faint whirring noise could be heard high above the White House briefing room.

[It does fit in with say, Sibellius saying she doesn't know who let all the illegal aliens out)

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 06:21 AM (bJm7W)

149 Move over, big guy.

Posted by: The Shallot at March 01, 2013 06:21 AM (XYSwB)

150 Onion is a parody right, so who cares?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 01, 2013 06:21 AM (9Bj8R)

151 >>>Onion Rereleases Funny Bits Only This Time In 3D

This one made me smile.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 01, 2013 06:21 AM (bcLhD)

152 Archaeologists Discover What Might Be A Funny Joke In The Onion
15-year-old "Codex Avarium Rescriptum" may require years of cleaning to become fully readable

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:21 AM (QTHTd)

153 Insignificant commenter criticizes unheralded blog writer for mocking forgotten humor website that parodies irrelevant Bob Woodward.

Posted by: a mindful webworker at March 01, 2013 06:22 AM (5F76G)

154 And maybe I'm odd but the Various Deities one makes me chuckle to myself just remembering it. "One god, who asked that His name not be spoken aloud, said ..." I wonder if they got new, less funny, writers lately.

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:22 AM (QupBk)

155 US Secretary of State John Kerry said on Friday the United States found a comment by Turkey's prime minister likening Zionism to crimes against humanity "objectionable." "We not only disagree with it, we found it objectionable," Kerry told a news conference with Turkish Foreign Minister Ahmet Davutoglu, saying he raised the issue directly with Davutoglu and would do so with Turkish Prime Minister Tayyip Erdogan. (Reuters) He not only disagrees but finds it "objectionable"? Objectionable? Wow that is gonna make Turkey shake in it's boots. Now THAT deserves to be in the Onion. Oh G-D how I miss hillary. Did I say that?

Posted by: Nevergiveup at March 01, 2013 06:22 AM (9Bj8R)

156 Furthermore, while saying the federal deficit does indeed need to be curtailed, Mr. Bloomberg argued the United States could owe “an infinite amount of money” and there is no specific amount that would cause the country to default. - ---- See you silly people. Nothing to worry about.

Posted by: RWC at March 01, 2013 06:22 AM (fWAjv)

157 The Onion is pro-rape

Posted by: ghostofhallelujah at March 01, 2013 06:23 AM (XvrTA)

158 9-year old cunts? What's everybody getting worked up about?

Posted by: Sen. Robert Menendez at March 01, 2013 06:23 AM (MSrqi)

159 Onion Writers Promise More Sarah Palin Jokes To "Freshen Up" Tired Format

Posted by: Toure at March 01, 2013 06:23 AM (0DlnM)

160 No reservations as their fellow early Americans made short work of the Illini.  Illinois does, however, have Indiana, and Party Liquors in Steger (No Cook County Tax).

Posted by: ejo at March 01, 2013 06:23 AM (GXvSO)

161 Got far more laughs here than the onion in the last decade.

I do remember some funny shit back in the 90's. It was so funny and brilliant I don't remember any of it.

And I think the last one was when TFG got elected and kids had nothing to do anymore. Kinda like the onion.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at March 01, 2013 06:24 AM (Qxdfp)

162 I'm reminded of something:

Clint Eastwood comes out (swidt) for same sex marriage and suddenly he's the poet laureate of Carmel.

Last year he was a senile old fuck for his speech during the convention.

Rehabilitation is easy with lefties. They have that reeducation thing down pat and they reward it.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:25 AM (qyv02)

163 Onion Writer "Kills" On Open Mic Night
Laff Stop Burns Down, 3 Still Missing

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:25 AM (QTHTd)

164 Nevergiveup. Don't worry, she'll be back in 2016.

Posted by: jewells45issickofsnow! at March 01, 2013 06:25 AM (l/N7H)

165 Jewells....how you feeling?

Posted by: Tami[/i] at March 01, 2013 06:27 AM (X6akg)

166 Woodward draws massive criticisms for being irrelevant.

Posted by: Temper Tantrum at March 01, 2013 06:27 AM (AWmfW)

167 Onion Writer Beaten Up By Flash Mob
Paper recommits to confronting white conservatives

.. oh wait, that actually happened.

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:27 AM (QTHTd)

168
Is Suzanne Sena still working for ONN?

Jack M hardest hit.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 01, 2013 06:27 AM (TIIx5)

169 Onion moves to Chicago, Forfeits Security Deposit After Staffer Puts Ex Lax In Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

Posted by: mrp at March 01, 2013 06:28 AM (HjPtV)

170

O/T - Yid With Lid on Life Without Andrew.

 

http://bit.ly/ZIcOcS

Posted by: RushBabe at March 01, 2013 06:28 AM (tQHzJ)

171 What's happened to this guy? This former icon, Bob Woodward? The warning signs have been there for a while. I looks to me like we are seeing senility take it's toll. I know people get thin skin when they get older. They get a little cranky. He's a guy that stood in there and took the heat before. He practically got an "I love you note" on this one. Ha! I've been through the grind. I've been out there on both sides of this. I've given the tough talk and I've got it back. This is nothing. This is a couple of guys just talking. I've seen it all, Bob's seen it all, and what we have here is an old man fighting to stay relevant in a changing world.

Posted by: Chris Matthews at March 01, 2013 06:28 AM (M3APu)

172 Tingles? Is that YOU?

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:29 AM (qyv02)

173 As long as "The Onion" isn't funny we might as well enjoy something that is-in addition to Ace, of course. "Sequester reports on the scene" from Iowahawk and friends on Twitter: https://twitter.com/iowahawkblog

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 06:29 AM (Uhg6n)

174 Onion Writer Explains Joke, Receives Consolatory Pat On Back

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:30 AM (QTHTd)

175 The 1996 John Kerry whistle stop tour from the bow of his trailered Yacht was pretty funny.

Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 06:30 AM (A7Wh1)

176

Why you wanna be hating on the Onion?

 

Onions got layers.  You know what else  got  layers?  Parfait.   Parfait got layers.   And  ain't nobody don't like parfait!

Posted by: Flying, talking donkey at March 01, 2013 06:30 AM (qqZuQ)

177 Tami..meh... good and bad days.  Will be starting physical therapy next week.  Keeping fingers crossed that this works.  Thanks for asking

Posted by: jewells45issickofsnow! at March 01, 2013 06:30 AM (l/N7H)

178 These people have lost their fucking minds. I just cannot understand what in the hell is motivating them.

Is it that the glorious victory and total subjugation of conservatives they thought reelecting the JEF would be turns out to be so very, very hollow?

What the hell is it?  I have never seen this type of behavior before; it's just so weird, makes no sense at all.

Posted by: RoyalOil at March 01, 2013 06:31 AM (VjL9S)

179 Apparently the Left now subscribes to the mantra--"Speak Power to Truth!"

Posted by: George Costanza at March 01, 2013 06:32 AM (HqpV0)

180

How to tell when the Onion has become completely useless?  When liberals would link to it in their news and not be embarrassed because they seriously linked an Onion article.

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 06:32 AM (GULKT)

181 Rehabilitation is easy with lefties. They have that reeducation thing down pat and they reward it. Ask Seymour Hersh. Expose the My Lai massacre (and tell a few lies a long the way), you're an instant liberal hero with a Pulitzer to boot. 40 years later, trash St. John Kennedy (and tell a few lies along the way), and you're immediately out of the club. But a few years later write about about Dick Cheney is responsible for abu Ghraib torture, and you're welcomed back with open arms.

Posted by: Sen. Robert Menendez at March 01, 2013 06:32 AM (MSrqi)

182 the in-group or the out-group the lines have been drawn

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 06:33 AM (yVBJI)

183
Onion writers on strike. 
Management switches to puppy and kittens YouTube video theme during negotiations...nobody notices.

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (/gHaE)

184 Onion Apologizes To Angry Democrats For Not Directing Cunt Joke At Piper Palin

Posted by: Warden at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (0DlnM)

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (/gHaE)

186 Obama Jokes Not Funny, Please Stop Sending Them In


---The Onion

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (4cRnj)

187 They had Penquins in sweaters for a post pic yesterday. I thought of your avatar immediately.

Posted by: Charles Gibson

***

 

Penguines are like Lays potato chips. You can't eat just one.

Posted by: Tilikum the Killer Assault Whale at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (uhftQ)

188 Charm-School Dropout Defends The Onion's Jokes By Insulting Its Targets Again

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (QTHTd)

189

Onion  Deepthroats  All  Obama's  Men. 

Posted by: polynikes at March 01, 2013 06:34 AM (m2CN7)

190 Hors D'ouevres of the Sea.

they're speedy little buggers though.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That at March 01, 2013 06:35 AM (qyv02)

191 The Onion's greatest moment IMO, was the issue after 9/11, which absolutely broke the tension and somber mood for me. The headline, "terrorists surprised to find selves in Hell", was priceless.

So not really relevant for > 10 years? Fork. Done.

Posted by: Rule #2 at March 01, 2013 06:35 AM (CypDC)

192

Anonymous Source Informs Bob Woodward He Hasn't Been Relevant In 40 Years

 

ANdddd... in other news... anonymous source infroms the Onion has not been funny in 40 months...

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 01, 2013 06:36 AM (lZBBB)

193 The Onion, in desperation, begins hacking the hugely comedic, often laugh out loud site, MediaM(ad)hatters.

Posted by: it's all the same at March 01, 2013 06:36 AM (XYSwB)

194 Bob Woodward is a racist. He never would have challenged a white President.

Posted by: Richard Nixon at March 01, 2013 06:36 AM (MSrqi)

195 Best Obama joke I've heard is the Moochie/Ann Romney joke. WH annoyed that Playboy offered Ann Romney $100,000 for a photo spread, and National Geographic offered Mooch $50.

Posted by: Whatev at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (A7Wh1)

196 177 Tami..meh... good and bad days. Will be starting physical therapy next week. Keeping fingers crossed that this works. Thanks for asking

Posted by: jewells45issickofsnow! at March 01, 2013 11:30 AM (l/N7H)



Well good luck to you....therapy will make a big difference.


Posted by: Tami[/i] at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (X6akg)

197 Onion Writer Notices How Annoying CD Packaging Can Be, Prepares Next Five Articles

Posted by: Warden at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (0DlnM)

198

There are 5 fewer people working in my office today than there were yesterday. Nothing to due with the sequester since i work in the private sector. Just another company trying to survive in a difficult economy. Sad, but also necessary and therefore in some sense good...at leat for the rest of us.

Of course those five people won't be noticed by the media. There will be no up close and personal stories about them. This is called LIFE.

 

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (SO2Q8)

199 The best Onion writers went to The Duffle Blog. The writers on the Duffel Blog have standing shoot to kill orders for any Onion writers seen in their office.

Posted by: NR Pax at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (1ml8s)

200 Onion hires Andrew Sullivan
Citing budgetary concerns, management commented "he'll work literally for a bag of Cheetos, so we fired all those other assholes who wanted money"

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 06:37 AM (/gHaE)

201 Skeeter is gonna be on TV in a few minutes

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:38 AM (S3fdp)

202 The Onion is the David Letterman of fake newspapers.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 01, 2013 06:38 AM (qSb0m)

203 Skeeter is gonna be on TV in a few minutes He has to take credit for the non-event.

Posted by: toby928 for TB at March 01, 2013 06:39 AM (QupBk)

204 Here he is

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:39 AM (S3fdp)

205

Anyone remember Spy Magazine?  For a while there they  featured the funniest, sharpest writing in print.  Then they got sold or whatever.  The talent was gone, but the noobs who came in tried to duplicate it.  That never works.

 

I also have the theory that Matt and Trey no longer do any of the writing for South Park, which is why it hasn't been funny in about 4 years. 

 

Ace, if you ever quit, and turn the Ace handle over to someone else, we'll know.

 

So don't. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 06:40 AM (TOk1P)

206 Cuts to military & National Zoo because of sequester lead to emergency measures

pic.twitter.com/NzbpfRT0nL

Posted by: kbdabear at March 01, 2013 06:40 AM (mCvL4)

207 I shall shed no tears for The Onion

Posted by: tmitsss at March 01, 2013 06:40 AM (rdav6)

208 166 Woodward draws massive criticisms for being irrelevant.


I get it. I get jokes.

You're trying to say I got big boobs.

Or I am Mexican.

I don't get it.

 

Posted by: Edgy Onion Writer at March 01, 2013 06:40 AM (qxcKC)

209

So why does no one bother to bring up the underlying facts? It's a matter of public record that Obama originated the sequester, yes? Aren't there big headlines on major newspapers and websites dating from the budget debate attesting to that fact? Can anyone anywhere successfully argue that Congress came up with sequestration and that Obama didn't?

 

This whole thing has a creepy 'We've always been at war with Eastasia' totalitarian vibe that chills me to the bone. Obama tells a demonstrable lie, Bob Woodward points it out, and then Woodward is publicly attacked, subjected to a Palinesque campaign of character assassination, his motives and mental capacity questioned from all quarters--even from the Onion, of all places.

 

The success of Obama's attempt to blame the GOP for whatever pain arose from sequestration cuts depended on the ability of the MSM to convince Americans the opposite of the truth. This strategy depended on lockstep corroboration and collusion. The reaction against Woodward shows that the White House fully expected that obedience, which is why the Left is lashing out so angrily. That's the story here.

Posted by: troyriser at March 01, 2013 06:40 AM (vtiE6)

210 Reading The Onion In Public Still Makes You Look Hip
But try at least faking a chuckle, 'kay?

Posted by: boulder toilet hobo at March 01, 2013 06:41 AM (QTHTd)

211 Onion Writer Tries To Come Up With Funny Deep Throat Joke, Can't, Calls Michelle Bachman A Whore Instead

Posted by: Warden at March 01, 2013 06:42 AM (0DlnM)

212 Thanks Tami

Posted by: jewells45issickofsnow! at March 01, 2013 06:42 AM (l/N7H)

213 158 9-year old cunts? What's everybody getting worked up about?

Posted by: Sen. Robert Menendez at March 01, 2013 11:23 AM (MSrqi)


Not sure about you...but I'm getting something worked up...IYKWIM

Posted by: Roman Polanski at March 01, 2013 06:42 AM (FIDMq)

214 It's the Republicans fault
From skeeters lips

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:42 AM (S3fdp)

215

zippy's scaremongering right now. The zipster just murdered at least a dozen strawmen.

Posted by: Amalgamated Cliff Divers, Local 157 at March 01, 2013 06:43 AM (Ph479)

216

zippy's scaremongering right now. The zipster just murdered at least a dozen strawmen.

Posted by: Amalgamated Cliff Divers, Local 157 at March 01, 2013 06:43 AM (Ph479)

217

Ace, if you ever quit, and turn the Ace handle over to someone else, we'll know.

---

It's easier than you think.

Posted by: Dread pirate Roberts at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (SO2Q8)

218

Ace, if you ever quit, and turn the Ace handle over to someone else, we'll know.

---

It's easier than you think.

Posted by: Dread pirate Roberts at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (SO2Q8)

219 9. Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans I don't care who you are, that right there is funny.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (GFM2b)

220 9. Area Man Remembers Last Funny Onion Article He Read, Then Remembers It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans I don't care who you are, that right there is funny.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (GFM2b)

221 Skeeter is a master of verbiage manipulation.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (S3fdp)

222 Skeeter is a master of verbiage manipulation.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (S3fdp)

223 Who's Ready For Some Knock Knock Jokes?

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (4cRnj)

224 Who's Ready For Some Knock Knock Jokes?

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (4cRnj)

225 The Master of Spin Watch and learn.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (NNTrd)

226 The Master of Spin Watch and learn.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 06:44 AM (NNTrd)

227 Testing, testing, am I free?

Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 06:45 AM (VtjlW)

228

Even in its prime, Teh Onion was never this funneh:

 

http://sweasel.com/archives/11491

Posted by: RushBabe at March 01, 2013 06:45 AM (tQHzJ)

229 Will Skeeter mention the Affordable Handgun Act?
It's for the protection of women.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:45 AM (S3fdp)

230

 It Was Actually Something His Brother Said About Either Boobs or Mexicans

----

So something about Mexican Boobs will be KILLER funny

Posted by: Onion at March 01, 2013 06:45 AM (SO2Q8)

231 as a result of the sequester kicking in, the courtesan auction market near the Menendez hotel reports a 7.2% bid decline at opening.

Posted by: mallfly at March 01, 2013 06:46 AM (bJm7W)

232 I also have the theory that Matt and Trey no longer do any of the writing for South Park, which is why it hasn't been funny in about 4 years.

Ace, if you ever quit, and turn the Ace handle over to someone else, we'll know.

So don't.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 11:40 AM (TOk1P

 

Your A statement to me indicates that your B statement, no you wouldn't know.

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 06:46 AM (GULKT)

233 Aren't there big headlines on major newspapers and websites dating from the budget debate attesting to that fact? You are assuming that the No Information Voter can read.

Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 06:46 AM (GFM2b)

234 Wow Ace, that is funnier than anything the onion has made since...well actually as long as I can remember

Posted by: mja at March 01, 2013 06:46 AM (6I+f5)

235 I was informed by commenters at WaPo yesterday that Woodward is a "lifelong Republican." Who knew?

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 11:11 AM (UOM4




It's amazing how overnight Bob became a right wing hatchet man for the Republican Party

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 01, 2013 06:47 AM (1Jaio)

236 221 Testing, testing, am I free?

Posted by: alexthechick - Bring the SMOD at March 01, 2013 11:45 AM (VtjlW)

 

You're free?

 

*puts away $50*

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 06:47 AM (GULKT)

237 Onion offices shutdown by health department

Inspectors cite complaints from other tenants that the zombie staff was starting to stink up the whole building as they rotted.

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 06:47 AM (/gHaE)

238 New Onion iApp: Send in your jokes. We'll live stream them, cuz, we got nothin'.* *this is NOT a joke

Posted by: saute until soft and transparent at March 01, 2013 06:47 AM (XYSwB)

239 209--- Well said. And it must be understood that Woodward is NOT being attacked for doubting the divinity of Our Lord and Leader. (There is no evidence that he has any such doubts.) He is being attacked for insisting that 2+2=4.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (C8mVl)

240 Onion hires Andrew Sullivan
Citing budgetary concerns, management commented "he'll work literally for a bag of Cheetos, so we fired all those other assholes who wanted money"

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 11:37 AM (/gHaE)




I don't think that Andi will want to work there if there aren't any assholes around

Posted by: TheQuietMan at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (1Jaio)

241 Hey, we crib all our jokes from The Onion!

Posted by: SNL at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (mCvL4)

242

226 -

 

I said it was a theory, I don't know for sure.  I am curious though, which part is it that you find unbelievable, that they aren't writing their own shows anymore, or that they aren't funny anymore? 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (TOk1P)

243

WOOO-HOOOO

a TOP TEN!!!

Yeah, ace, get the anger flowing and you got the old juice again. 

Posted by: imp at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (UaxA0)

244 Woodward will cave and say it was a mis understanding..... I give him til monday.. possibly tuesday. the kool aid is strong and journalism is dead.

Posted by: Jumbo Shrimp at March 01, 2013 06:48 AM (DGIjM)

245 Skeet was asked if he feels any responsibility for where we are.

Apparently he is free of blame

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:49 AM (S3fdp)

246 Good article on Andrew Breitbart

The Art of #War

http://tinyurl.com/cu7soe8

Posted by: kbdabear at March 01, 2013 06:49 AM (mCvL4)

247 Who's Ready For Some Knock Knock Jokes? Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny? Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny? Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 06:49 AM (GFM2b)

248 my favorite thing in all this is Andy Sullivan lookalike Matt Yglesias finally got an excuse to suck Tricky Dick's dick.

Posted by: NFJ at March 01, 2013 06:50 AM (KHo8t)

249 233 Margarita DeVille,

Comrade, I assure you the five year plan worked and there is prosperity throught the land.

//Stalin in 1937

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 06:51 AM (LRFds)

250 The "journalist" at the press conference(precedential statement) will never ask what loopholes he's talking about.

Posted by: Amalgamated Cliff Divers, Local 157 at March 01, 2013 06:51 AM (Ph479)

251

 

The Onion was at it's best when it's satire wasn't political. I still laugh at the "Hamster Thrown from Remote-Control Monster Truck" and "Baseball Fans Delighted by New Between-Innings F*ck-Cams" posts.  Then again, they're from 2005 and 2009, respectively.

Posted by: Meghan's McCans at March 01, 2013 06:51 AM (tl7W6)

252 Knock, Knock, Knock, Penny? Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 11:49 AM (GFM2b) What do you want, Sheldon!?

Posted by: saute until soft and transparent at March 01, 2013 06:51 AM (XYSwB)

253 "So why does no one bother to bring up the underlying facts? It's a matter of public record that Obama originated the sequester, yes? Aren't there big headlines on major newspapers and websites dating from the budget debate attesting to that fact? Can anyone anywhere successfully argue that Congress came up with sequestration and that Obama didn't?" Good question. Or was this done in secret negotiations, so no one knows who came up with it at the time? The libs claim that sequestration was the ransom demanded by the GOP...thus you don't blame the guy who came up with an alternate ransom.

Posted by: sexypig at March 01, 2013 06:52 AM (dZQh7)

254 I got a Joe Biden Knock Knock joke,

Knock Knock....

BLAM!!

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:52 AM (S3fdp)

255 Why does every muthafucking 'reform' need to be 'comprehensive' or nothing? All or nothing. Every time. We are stupid. And I too am ashamed of my country.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 06:53 AM (NNTrd)

256 248 --- Good one!

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 06:54 AM (C8mVl)

257 Onion Staffer Writes Hilarious Article, Publishes It In 2001 Archives For Continuity

Posted by: Warden at March 01, 2013 06:54 AM (0DlnM)

258 Same reporter just asked skeeter a second time if he feels no responsibility.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:54 AM (S3fdp)

259

The Duffle Blog is way funnier anyway, but I go for .mil humor anyway.

 

 

Posted by: SGT Dan's Cat at March 01, 2013 06:54 AM (jCQ+I)

260 Obama is doing his centrist shtick today. But every other sentence blames Republicans implicitly. He's really good at this.

Posted by: soothsayer at March 01, 2013 06:54 AM (hA+ft)

261

BLAM!!

----

well played sir

Posted by: Onion at March 01, 2013 06:55 AM (SO2Q8)

262 "8. The Onion Losing Top Writers to Poaching By Reddit, Etsy, and the United States Postal Service" Now that is f'kin funny.

Posted by: Henry Chinaski at March 01, 2013 06:55 AM (SIIZ9)

263 "Why does every muthafucking 'reform' need to be 'comprehensive' or nothing?" This also bugs me. I think that its due to horse-trading compromise, but isn't another kind of compromise to find out areas of agreement and simply pass those by themselves as smaller, simpler bills? Or would those not generate enough press?

Posted by: sexypig at March 01, 2013 06:56 AM (dZQh7)

264 We keep pointing out their inconsistencies, they keep ignoring them and winning.  What makes anyone think pointing out more inconsistencies is going to help?

Posted by: Aaron at March 01, 2013 06:56 AM (Tlix5)

265 Skeet asks the reporter if she has suggestions.
I'm thinking "Not our job mutherf*cker, it's your"

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:57 AM (S3fdp)

266

Thhe autistic reporter was funny.

 

Unfortunately, like SNL, you have to wade through a mountain of dreck and a gale of one-way political "humor" to find a nugget. 

Posted by: Brian at March 01, 2013 06:58 AM (Hd5n8)

267

CIA: If We Can't Waterboard, We Must Keep the ONION Publishing, IYKWIMAITYD.

Posted by: sherlock at March 01, 2013 06:58 AM (JYBAr)

268 258 Aaron,

some of us are on the edge of playing a new game ourselves...

You're gonna be told to hate us by the GOP and Mules.

That's okay....

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 06:58 AM (LRFds)

269 "I'm not a dictator." You sure do fucking wish it though.

Posted by: RWC at March 01, 2013 06:58 AM (fWAjv)

270 *Joey continues knocking on his head, then says* When does the joke come out?

Posted by: Joey Biden at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (XYSwB)

271 "Jedi Mind Meld"???
WTF is he smoking?

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (S3fdp)

272 Oh, this will leave a mark.  MSNBC's new hire, David Axelrod, throws Gene Sperling under the bus on Morning Joe (from Newsbusters):

http://tinyurl.com/d2la6x7


And Mika says, "Oh, God!"

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (UOM48)

273 236
226 -

I said it was a theory, I don't know for sure. I am curious though, which part is it that you find unbelievable, that they aren't writing their own shows anymore, or that they aren't funny anymore?

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 11:48 AM (TOk1P)

 

Both.  I still find them very funny.  And you only need to watch 6 Days to Air to see how they are still very much involved in the show.

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (GULKT)

274 RE the Woodward headline: I bet Ace would find it funny if it was Woodward vs. Pres Romney right now.

Posted by: Tonic Dog at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (X/+QT)

275 259 Village idiot's Apprentice,

yeah a Horde Press Weekly White House Pool member would be worth a 50 a week donation...

"Yeah why are you such a preening asshole with defacto negative 'growth' giggles?"

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (LRFds)

276 Skeeter always has to remind people he's not a dictator.

Posted by: Craig Poe at March 01, 2013 06:59 AM (BVkEs)

277 It's all about the numbahs.

Posted by: troyriser at March 01, 2013 11:17 AM (vtiE6)


And the lettah openah o' death....and of course, the Night Ridah.

Posted by: DanInMN at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (XqeyF)

278

"Why does every muthafucking 'reform' need to be 'comprehensive' or nothing?"

---

TO ensure that the bill is so large you'll need to pass it to find out what is in it.

Posted by: Buzzsaw90 at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (SO2Q8)

279 Did Skeeter say "Let me be clear" again?  It's too early to throw a shot back.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (UOM48)

280

This also bugs me. I think that its due to horse-trading compromise, but isn't another kind of compromise to find out areas of agreement and simply pass those by themselves as smaller, simpler bills?

 

In Washington circles today,  "compromise" is  giving the Leftards everything they want.

 

(Insert Inigo Montoya quote here)

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (+z4pE)

281 249 Why does every muthafucking 'reform' need to be 'comprehensive' or nothing?

This reminds me of the "let all the criminal illegals go" thing they just did. It's like a kid throwing a temper tantrum.

"If I can't have this", then any possible scenario that could play out by not having it means all of them need to play out. And being a country of 'tards, everybody believes it.


Posted by: Clutch Cargo at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (Qxdfp)

282 263 RWC,

but er my resume is out there...let me uh unseal my transcripts for you sweetie...

//SCOAMF

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 07:00 AM (LRFds)

283 Yeah, for if you do not Love our Lord and Master, you are a Heretic.... and heretics are burned on the alter of public humliation...

Posted by: Book Of MSM, Parable 7, verse 3 at March 01, 2013 07:01 AM (lZBBB)

284 Onion changes audio format in effort to generate more excitement
A spokesman said "people are really into Gregorian Chant these days".

Posted by: @PurpAv at March 01, 2013 07:01 AM (/gHaE)

285
Sequestration Creates Hardship For Federal Workers - WH Carney:  "More Lies Ahead"

Posted by: mrp at March 01, 2013 07:01 AM (HjPtV)

286 241 Who's Ready For Some Knock Knock Jokes?

Knock,
Knock,
Knock,
Penny?

Knock,
Knock,
Knock,
Penny?

Knock,
Knock,
Knock,
Penny?

Posted by: rickb223 at March 01, 2013 11:49 AM (GFM2b

 

Funnier than anything the Onion's done in years.

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 07:01 AM (GULKT)

287 >>>Ace, if you ever quit, and turn the Ace handle over to someone else, we'll know.

You don't seem to realize: I've been ghostwriting as "Ace" here for the past three years.

(Makes a lot more sense now, doesn't it, eh?)

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 01, 2013 07:01 AM (bcLhD)

288 270 Skeeter always has to remind HIMSELF he's not a dictator.

Posted by: sherlock at March 01, 2013 07:02 AM (JYBAr)

289 "Let me be clear".
This goes back to being the most transparent administration, don't you know.

Posted by: Clutch Cargo at March 01, 2013 07:02 AM (Qxdfp)

290 On AOL's headline page (I know, I know....shut up) there is a story 'What is the sequester'.  I decided to read it and the comments for a good laugh.  The article itself was meh....but you could have knocked me over with a feather when I read the comments.  I only read the first page of them but everyone of the comments could have been posts here.  Here's the first one I read:


"This article failed to point out that this is merely a decrease in the increase."


And another:


"And the academy award for worst president goes to..."




These are AOL/HuffPo commenters!


Posted by: Tami[/i] at March 01, 2013 07:02 AM (X6akg)

291 Dear Sir:


I was directed to your website by my colleague, Mr I. M. Laughing, the provost of one of our member colleges, THE Ohio College of Clown Arts, (link in name) because of your use of "Clown College" and "alcohol". Please refrain from using "alcohol" when describing goings on at American Association of Clown Colleges and Affiliated Universities member organizations. As any member of a AACCAU school knows, the only beverage allowed on campuses is seltzer water.


Thank you for your time in this matter.


Mr Giggley

Chairman

AACCAU

"Remember as our founder Mr Chuckles used to say, 'A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants'".

Posted by: Mr Giggley at March 01, 2013 07:03 AM (Zd/NW)

292 Skeet is really bristling after being asked about posturing on his part.
He is suddenly very agitated.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:03 AM (S3fdp)

293 but er my resume is out there...let me uh unseal my transcripts for you sweetie... //SCOAMF Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 12:00 PM (LRFds) No idea why I'm listening to this shit. Fear mongering silly sonofabitch. Ok, janitors taking a pay cut. Fuck it. It's off.

Posted by: RWC at March 01, 2013 07:05 AM (fWAjv)

294 I don't think anyone could say that the first four press questions were of the softball variety.
And he's pissed.
And each reporter called on by him is a female.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:06 AM (S3fdp)

295 Doesn't everybody read The Chive now anyway? And what about Fark? Is that still a thing?

Posted by: Sinalco at March 01, 2013 07:06 AM (t0hSy)

296

267 -

 

New theory:  they had SOME input into the 15th season, enough to justify the sweet, sweet paychecks they still will be getting from CC for the  rest of the decade.

 

And if I wanted to be even more cynical, I would question the timing of that documentary, with their signing of their new contracts. 

 

Still, rereading the season 15 episode list, overall, not funny. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 07:06 AM (TOk1P)

297 More things to laugh about: Some students at the University of NM wanted to ban Chik-fil-A because they mere presence of the food bags made them feel unsafe. Said one unimpressed student: "Nobody is in imminent danger on this campus because of chicken," http://www.krqe.com/dpp/news/education/unm-controversy-chick-fil-a-can-stay .

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 01, 2013 07:06 AM (Uhg6n)

298

Posted by: Mr Giggley at March 01, 2013 12:03 PM (Zd/NW)

 

 

The AACCAU is a Facist organization, that has an entire curriculum based around the destruction of Free Speech!

 

And we will no longer be silenced!

Posted by: MAG (Mime Action Group) at March 01, 2013 07:07 AM (lZBBB)

299

Skeet is really bristling after being asked about posturing on his part.
He is suddenly very agitated.

 

Good. One can't help but wonder when he'll  crack under the pressure of pretending to  be cool, calm and collected.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at March 01, 2013 07:07 AM (+z4pE)

300 Female reporter again, about gay marriage

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:08 AM (S3fdp)

301

281 -

 

If you mean that one day last year when "Ace" insisted Rick Santorum was going to come into his bedroom and tell him how to f**k, then yeah, that would make sense. 

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 07:10 AM (TOk1P)

302

"Nobody is in imminent danger on this campus because of chicken,"

 

Really?

Posted by: High Capacity Assualt Chicken at March 01, 2013 07:10 AM (+z4pE)

303 288 Village idiot's Apprentice,

I suspect the media gets that they are about to lose the public forever...no bullshit...for them to be able to help him they have to have better than 6% trust in their ethical integrity....

they know this and if they keep acting as sword and shield for him 100% like they have the last 2.5 years we're fucked and so are they....

it won't change their goals but may alter their method and who knows they may try to coordinate it so it is kabuki anyway....

pouting asshole SCOAMF

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 07:10 AM (LRFds)

304 Male reporter about careening from crisis to crisis.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:10 AM (S3fdp)

305 282--- Skeeter always has to remind HIMSELF he's not a dictator. Posted by: sherlock at March 01, 2013 12:02 PM (JYBAr) ------------- His constant excuse that he can't bring us utopia because he isn't a dictator chills me. He and his minions are repeatedly putting forth the argument that the Glory of Socialism cannot be revealed under our present system, i.e., what's left of it. If we were China, if we had a Politburo instead of a Congress, if Obama were in fact a dictator, the Kingdom would surely come. His base already buys it. He's gently selling the idea to the 52%.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 07:11 AM (C8mVl)

306 Okay, now I'm intrigued enough to watch SCOAMF's presser. 

Aaannnnd...he just said "moving forward."  Ugh.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 01, 2013 07:11 AM (UOM48)

307 287 RWC,

Yeah it' not like we haven't seen the dance before...

pity these brave knaves of journalism and "shoeleather" were asleep last year

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 07:12 AM (LRFds)

308 Apparently Skeet doesn't work in Washington, because every f*cking problem we have is being laid at Washington's feet by him.

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:13 AM (S3fdp)

309 hey, the President thinks we ought to rebuild our roads and bridges

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 07:13 AM (8sCoq)

310

Aaannnnd...he just said "moving forward." Ugh.

 

Drink!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy, who did not vote for this shit. at March 01, 2013 07:13 AM (+z4pE)

311

303 -

 

No high speed rail?  I was promised high speed rail!!!

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 07:14 AM (TOk1P)

312 284 --- Tami --- I am often stunned by how conservative the commenters at Yahoo are. You can see why a lot of "news" outlets shut down or carefully monitor comments.

Posted by: Margarita DeVille at March 01, 2013 07:15 AM (C8mVl)

313 Skeet, and his ears have just left the podium

Posted by: Village Idiot's Apprentice at March 01, 2013 07:17 AM (S3fdp)

314 Your President says Congress must come to its senses

Posted by: Jones in CO at March 01, 2013 07:17 AM (8sCoq)

315 308 Jones in CO,

yeah well SCOAMF 47% or more of the nation says "you fucking come to yours"...

God I hate him.

Posted by: sven10077 at March 01, 2013 07:18 AM (LRFds)

316 I have no idea about the Onion's history as a company. All I know is that when they made the shift from being happily irrelevant but funny to trying to be relevant and funny, they lost me since being relevant demands picking a side from which to judge and I don't follow them ideologically.

Well, it's more than that. Something happened to their writing pool, too. It's like they picked up a bunch of kids from Creative Writing 101 who just discovered how to lead up to ironic punchlines.

Ain't nothing more shallow than the deep ironic punchline. Maybe that's what I dislike most about their current political stuff: I know what's coming, every single time, and it's like going back to my local Liberal Arts college and enduring the self-satisfied professor who thinks he's being arch and clever.

And, in his defense, when 99% of his feedback is from kids just out of high school who've only learned that The Teacher Must Be Kept Happy, it's hard to blame him for not knowing that, in fact, he's just another idiot.

So, the Onion. Staffed, written, and edited by the herd. Near as I can tell, anyway.

Posted by: Cameron at March 01, 2013 07:19 AM (bGwMW)

317 290
267 -

New theory: they had SOME input into the 15th season, enough to justify the sweet, sweet paychecks they still will be getting from CC for the rest of the decade.

And if I wanted tobe even more cynical, I would question the timing of that documentary, with their signing of their new contracts.

Still, rereading the season 15 episode list, overall, not funny.

Posted by: BurtTC at March 01, 2013 12:06 PM (TOk1P)

 

Well like I said watching that documentary you would see their level of input.  To the point where the ideas they are coming up with the first episode end up getting used in later episodes.  Also I think it speaks to their level of involvement in that they are able to dictate how they do their seasons.  Changing it from 2 runs of 7 a year to one run of 10.  If they weren't as involved why would they even need to do that?  Just let whoever do all the work, and then record their lines.  Because they are still the voice talent of that show.

 

Hey you don't find them as funny anymore that's just personal preference.  I certainly think they've had some misses as well, but still see it as the same type of humor. 

Posted by: buzzion at March 01, 2013 07:26 AM (GULKT)

318
Republican:  "I am not a crook"

Democrat:   "I am not a dictator"

Posted by: mrp at March 01, 2013 07:32 AM (HjPtV)

319 I have heard one of the editors of the Onion on a couple shows. He is a Chelsea Clinton classmate, completely in the bag for Obama and the unfunniest comedian I have ever heard, that includes Chevy Chase, so no surprise here.

Posted by: chad at March 01, 2013 07:42 AM (13DqZ)

320 Obama's tated lots of dicks in his life.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at March 01, 2013 07:45 AM (Ec6wH)

321 As I've said elsewhere, speaking Power to Truth.

Posted by: The Ghost of Flannery O'Connor at March 01, 2013 07:48 AM (mMtFx)

322 That's a damn shame, because I would look at the Onion and it at least had jokes with premises.  So many hacks just tell the same joke over and over again and expects the audience to know what the punch line is through repetition. 

That joke you highlight about Woodward is the kind of joke the Left has been telling for years.  "That guy we don't like totally sucks."

Posted by: Shoot Me at March 01, 2013 07:49 AM (qiXMt)

323 Also, when did they move to Chicago? I remember a hilarious video back after Obama was first elected that made fun of his cult followers. Did they move since then, because that was the last funny thing I remember seeing from them. I read Duffel Blog now for satire news.

Posted by: The Ghost of Flannery O'Connor at March 01, 2013 08:04 AM (mMtFx)

324 I do not undeestand the 'juicebox mafia' thing. I must have missed the memo. Enlightenment anyone? No, not you Voltaire.

Posted by: The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth at March 01, 2013 09:17 AM (Hsgnv)

325 Am I wrong? I thought The Onion was originally based in Chicago. I remember reading a humor based print paper around the turn of the 1990's called The Onion because Chicago means stinky onion swamp or something. I believe they got distributed with The Chicago Reader at the time.

Posted by: Deety at March 01, 2013 09:45 AM (jVk2G)

326 Anonymous Source Informs the Onion They Haven't Been Funny Since 2007

Posted by: Sarzan at March 01, 2013 10:22 AM (CMbMd)

327 Great job, Ace!!

Posted by: Porkkky at March 01, 2013 02:06 PM (lSzZO)

328 In The Onion's defense, it is difficult to parody or satirize an administration when the actual news headlines about the government leadership sound like parody and satire.

Posted by: James S. at March 02, 2013 04:20 AM (CRzZt)

329

Is it a coincidence that the Onion ceased to be funny when it became overtly political? It is now mirthless junk. We still have classic pieces like the cancer-stricken boy being sued by the Make-A-Wish foundation.  

Posted by: Jackson_Murrell at March 02, 2013 06:50 PM (EVa96)

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