October 31, 2005
— Ace Thanks to Bill From INDC and Jack M. for suggesting this list.
John Roberts asked if Judge Alito was "sloppy seconds." Here are some less-well-reported reactions from media.
Content Warning. But remember, John Roberts, News Professional, started this. 10. TERRY MORAN, ABCNews: "Do you imagine Republican moderates will be satisfied with this, oh, what's the word?, Cleveland steamer of a nominee?"
9. DAVID GREGORY, NBCNews: "Mr. McClellan, did the President pass over Alberto Gonzalez because he was a dirty sanchez? Any comment on Harry Reid's donkey punch response?" (from Bill)
8. DAHLIA LITHWICK, Slate: "Does Alito's anti-abortion stance open up the metaphorical hairy beef curtains for overturning Roe v. Wade?"
7. PAUL KRUGMAN, NYT: "And so it goes. The Bush Administration is not merely content to dismantle American democracy one cog at a time. It now has the temerity to fuck us all up the collective ass without the common courtesy of a reach-around."
6. HELEN THOMAS, UPI: "Ummm... ummm... I'm trying to think of some sexual double-entendre for this nominee, but the fact is, I haven't had my pipes cleaned since Orville Wright nailed me in his toolshed at Kitty Hawk. I'd like to say something really dirty, some filthy sexual term. Like 'pudendum' maybe. Or 'vas deferens.' Those are dirty words, right?"
5. BOB HERBERT, NYT: "It was bad enough when Bush waved his neo-con 'junk' in our faces and then meat-slapped us with his stinky pinky. Now he proposes to engage the nation in a judicial tea-bagging of the first order."
4. HELEN THOMAS, UPI: "Okay, I've got it now -- testes! I seem to remember that testes have something to do with sex."
3. TINA BROWN, Washington Post: "I double monkey-fucked the brothers from Oasis in disused lavatory at Heathrow. That's not really on topic or anything. I'm just bragging."
2. ACE OF SPADES, Blogger: "I love it. Bush just gave the liberal left the 'Nasty Adolf' it's been begging for."
...and the Number One Media Response to the Nomination of Judge Alito...
1. MAUREEN DOWD, NYT: "Is he single? Will he marry me? Why won't anyone marry me? It's because I'm just too damn hot, isn't it? "
1. WONKETTE, Blogger: "Jesus, I just became irrelevant. I mean more irrelevant I guess. Ass-Sex? Anyone? Anyone? Ass-Sex? Please notice me! I'm daring and irreverent! And I'm a dirty whore!"
1. BOB DOLE'S COCK, Analyst for PBS' Frontline: "I give it a B+."
1. PAT O'BRIEN, Access Hollywood: "I'm so into you, Judge Alito. You're so fucking hhhhoottt. Let's do it, let's have sex. But you have to pretend to be into Betsy, too."
Posted by: apotheosis at October 31, 2005 10:32 AM (KpdET)
You're funnier than me.
Fuck, I hate envy.
Good stuff, pal.
Dave at Garfield Ridge
Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at October 31, 2005 10:35 AM (y1hCN)
Posted by: Monty at October 31, 2005 10:35 AM (cB/4p)
Posted by: Sharp as a Marble at October 31, 2005 10:37 AM (9tUNz)
Dave at Garfield Ridge
Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at October 31, 2005 10:39 AM (y1hCN)
Posted by: ace at October 31, 2005 10:41 AM (UxtY9)
But as for the quotes I DID get...pretty funny.
Posted by: Rightwingsparkle at October 31, 2005 10:43 AM (CtDzx)
Posted by: bostonirish at October 31, 2005 10:43 AM (IunsS)
Luckily I have no idea what ace and Dave are discussing.
I can pretty much guarantee you that you're happier not knowing. Trust me on this. DO NOT try to find details on these terms from any major Intarweb search engine, because I guarantee you that it will take you places you do not want to go.
Remember the goatse guy, and be afraid.
Posted by: Monty at October 31, 2005 10:50 AM (cB/4p)
Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 31, 2005 10:53 AM (pzen5)
Oh, and there's also a "gorilla mask"-- can't forget that one. It's funny because it involves a monkey. Okay, ape. Whatever, furry and funny.
Dave at Garfield Ridge
Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at October 31, 2005 10:54 AM (y1hCN)
Posted by: utron at October 31, 2005 11:00 AM (CgIkY)
Posted by: Iblis at October 31, 2005 11:02 AM (9221z)
Posted by: Jack M. at October 31, 2005 11:08 AM (6krEN)
"Viagra, is there nothing it can't do!"
Posted by: JFH at October 31, 2005 11:09 AM (arxyn)
Posted by: at October 31, 2005 11:14 AM (lHgNC)
Posted by: at October 31, 2005 11:15 AM (lHgNC)
Posted by: john at October 31, 2005 11:37 AM (j1qgJ)
Posted by: Sobek at October 31, 2005 11:40 AM (6GK9U)
Posted by: at October 31, 2005 11:45 AM (lHgNC)
Lucky. I was eating pussy. Fired my girlfriend right out of mine and into the headboard. She's still pissed.
Posted by: rd at October 31, 2005 11:45 AM (lpbk9)
Posted by: Brown Line at October 31, 2005 11:58 AM (VrNoa)
Posted by: Iblis at October 31, 2005 12:06 PM (9221z)
I got one:
Chris Matthews, MSNBC: "This nomination will make the extreme-right-wing feel like they just gave the American people a huge pearl necklace."
Posted by: Bart at October 31, 2005 12:10 PM (E7axr)
Posted by: Sonetka at October 31, 2005 12:15 PM (Lj7UE)
Posted by: The Warden at October 31, 2005 01:48 PM (cZGnO)
Posted by: Bart at October 31, 2005 01:56 PM (pKHyV)
Posted by: Iblis at October 31, 2005 02:33 PM (9221z)
Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at October 31, 2005 04:16 PM (ORCq8)
Still made me laugh out loud in my cube, though, provoking the usual worry from co-workers.
Posted by: The Colossus at November 01, 2005 04:52 AM (MPlhu)
Posted by: Xoxotl at November 01, 2005 05:34 AM (IR7Pw)
Chris Matthews: "No friction, huh?"
Howard Fineman: "Nope. She's loose as a goose."
Chris Mattews: "Excellent point, Howard. Those neo-cons who brought us into war by outing the CIA agent, Valerie Plame, expect a Supreme Court Justice to give them a lot of satisfaction from the bench."
Howard Fineman: "That's right, Chris. They want someone they can ride like a 12 year old Philipino whore."
Chris Matthews: "So you believe that Miers is definitely out?"
Howard Fineman: "Absolutely. She's all dried up."
Posted by: Bart at November 01, 2005 12:40 PM (GaLmg)
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