May 26, 2006

Top Fifty Conservative Rock/Pop Songs,
— Ace

The list isn't all that bad, though it does skew heavily towards a conception of conservatives as prudes.

Wake Up Little Susie is conservative? Gimme a break. It's not even really pro-sexual-restraint. It's a thinly disguised bit of sexual titillation for an era when such was considered scandalous.

I wondered about this some time ago, and decided that Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It was the most conservative rock anthem.

No, seriously. Check the lyrics. Sure, it's superficially an adolescent rage against teachers and such. But what is the liberal establishment, even in its own self-conception, than an organization of unaccredited professors seeking to lecture the intellectually unformed through a never-ending series of "teachable moments"?

It doesn't make the list, of course.

Thanks to Oregon Muse.

Whoops! It was National Review's list, reprinted by the New York Times. I've edited out my previous statements about the NYT's occasional cluelessness in compling the list, because they make little sense now, don't they?

The errors were, yes, evidence of my jumping to conclusions and twacking liberal straw-men and all that good stuff. Guilty as charged.

I have to change my take on the list a bit. Before I thought it was okay, but a little infused by stereotypical liberal conceptions of conservatives. Now that I know it comes from NR, I have to say its okay, but a little infused by a somewhat stodgy conception of what the mostly-blue-state conservative staff of NR thinks religious conservatives would appreciate on the list.

Either way-- Wake Up, Little Susie is about a couple who had sex, but they've got their story about "just falling asleep all night" and they're sticking to it. Even if the Everly Brothers didn't mean it that way, I'd guess that most teenagers who heard the song at the time so interpreted it.

Posted by: Ace at 08:56 AM | Comments (127)
Post contains 314 words, total size 2 kb.

1 I'm not going to bother to click, so I'll guess - 50 Ted Nugent songs.

The Times can't acknowledge anything else.

Posted by: AxL at May 26, 2006 09:03 AM (DC1Zk)

2 It's not the Times' list; it's the National Review's list. National Review Online has posted their article now.

Posted by: Bud Norton at May 26, 2006 09:07 AM (InP8F)

3 I couldn't care less what the Jason Blair Chronicles thinks I should listen to.

Posted by: Iblis at May 26, 2006 09:14 AM (9221z)

4 As has been pointed out, this is a NRO list and not a NY Times list.

Posted by: Defense Guy at May 26, 2006 09:15 AM (jPCiN)

5 Yeah, I think it was John Miller who polled the readers, I'll check my email

email checked, it was him. I submitted 16. "Get Over It," by The Eagles. Kind of a throwaway song for them (IIRC they wrote it for Hell Freezes Over just to see if they could still write something together), but I love the attitude, and this lyric in particular

"I'd like to find your inner child and kick its little ass."

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 26, 2006 09:23 AM (pzen5)

6 Are there any songs about the Rockalypse?

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at May 26, 2006 09:27 AM (bQwHh)

7
First thing I thought of was "Bodies".

Posted by: Asher at May 26, 2006 09:31 AM (88XUY)

8 decided that Twisted Sister's We're Not Gonna Take It was the most conservative rock anthem

Totally made Iron Eagle the Reagan-era warporn masterpiece that it is.

Posted by: Mark V. at May 26, 2006 09:35 AM (2ipxY)

9 Actually when played backwards, as us awful christians would do, "Wake up, Little Susie" has Satan singing "blogs are for choir members, blogs are for choir members". Where's LauraW when you need her?

Posted by: RD at May 26, 2006 09:38 AM (5Tkeh)

10 See, that's why I'm picking Dee Schneider as my press secretary.

Posted by: Sobek at May 26, 2006 09:46 AM (6GK9U)

11 I was surprised to see Bodies on the list, but I was not surprised to see Holiday in Cambodia missing.

Posted by: rw at May 26, 2006 09:52 AM (aVixU)

12 So far as I could tell, there was just about 0 patriotic songs. The best they could do was anti-moral equivalence, and the Russians are bad.

No Lee Greenwood, etc...

Posted by: Cutler at May 26, 2006 09:53 AM (5f4Yy)

13 Lists like this perform an invaluable service. I'm working on:

The Fifty Most Marxist Country Songs

Also:

The Fifty Most Atheist Gospel Songs

Posted by: craig mclaughlin at May 26, 2006 09:53 AM (LMEca)

14 How about Skynnrd's "That Smell"? It's at least ostensibly anti-drug. And anti-death. (It cancels out "Saturday Night Special.")

Or- I forget the original artist- "Last Kiss"? Yeah, not really conservative, but the idea of being good so you can see your sweetie in Heaven? Doesn't that count? (Or is it not actually "rock"?)

What interest me, anyway, is how I dislike so many on that list. Whereas I love "Eve of Destruction" which is very anti-war. (Also pro-apathy.)

Go figure. I guess I don't have a partisan litmus test for music. (Not that anyone here does. The whole idea of classifying music as "conservative" or "liberal" is kinda odd to me.)

Posted by: Some Guy at May 26, 2006 09:57 AM (lPxkl)

15 Totally off-topic, but this video from Japan is pretty messed up. I think it gave me psychological damage.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 10:10 AM (ePQxy)

16 I could give a shit what the NY Times has to say about much of anything. I'd rather hear what real conservatives think.

One of my all-time favorites is Skynard's Simple Man.

Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time... dont live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and youll find love,
And dont forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)
And be a simple kind of man.
Be something you love and understand.
Be a simple kind of man.
Wont you do this for me son,
If you can?

Forget your lust for the rich mans gold
All that you need is in your soul,
And you can do this if you try.
All that I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Boy, dont you worry... youll find yourself.
Follow you heart and nothing else.
And you can do this if you try.
All I want for you my son,
Is to be satisfied.

(chorus)

Posted by: The Warden at May 26, 2006 10:13 AM (8WTw1)

17 imo, "Born in the USA" is the most conservative song ... evah!

The Reagan-Era vibe, the feel good chorus - the mumblefuck stanzas Bruce sings between the feel good chorus - man, that song makes me *burst* with pride at being 'merican.

Damn. Those NRO guys sure missed the boat on that one.

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at May 26, 2006 10:14 AM (PcDvW)

18 Either way-- Wake Up, Little Susie is about a couple who had sex, but they've got their story about "just falling asleep all night" and they're sticking to it. Even if the Everly Brothers didn't mean it that way, I'd guess that most teenagers who heard the song at the time so interpreted it.
What, are you just dying to pick a fight with Jeff G. for the next "Hoist the Black Flag'?

Posted by: BumperStickerist at May 26, 2006 10:16 AM (PcDvW)

19 LOL, BumperStickerist!

Abortion, Latin - I think I can guess who at NRO may have been involved with the list.

Posted by: Muslihoon at May 26, 2006 10:18 AM (Q8UK2)

20 Tom Sawyer should have been #1.

Posted by: Pablo Honey at May 26, 2006 10:19 AM (CkFXK)

21 1) The Ballad of Nevermore because "The tyrant's face is red"? Never, in all my thousands of listenings to LZIV did that thought even begin to cross my mind. Blood? Yes. Rage ? Yes. Communism? In a Lord of the Rings song? I guess they had 49 and really had to reach.
2) Neil Young , however you want to slice his politics (and he did write "Let's Roll" for you right wing types) is infinitely cooler than Lynyrd Skynyrd. And I don't just say that because I'm Canadian.
3) Not directly related, but indirectly: those ads I see on right wing blogs for T-shirts with crossed-out pictures of Che and the slogan "Communism isn't cool". Hoo-boy. It comes off like those sanctimonious ads I remember from my youth ; "Drinking isn't cool"; "Smoking isn't cool"; "Jesus is cool". Sorry. If you have to say so, you're wrong. You guys should stick to intellect and substance for your arguments instead of image, because you have 50 years of pop culture against you. Trying to be cool makes you look like the High School Foreign Policy Club when they tie their neckties around their foreheads for bandanas when they "rock".

And no, I'm not cool either.

Posted by: canuckistani at May 26, 2006 10:20 AM (N+TOr)

22 I submitted - and argued loudly for - the following songs: "Won't Get Fooled Again," "Holiday In Cambodia" and perhaps the most underappreciated conservative rock song by an ultra-lef-wing group ever: "Academy Fight Song" by Mission Of Burma. Heaven help you if you haven't heard of it. Not only is it a great song musically, it's a friggin' personal anthem lyrically, about not wanting anything to do with sheeplike followers, the types who want to be told what to think (response: "I'm not your academy"), who join in mass protests simply because it allows them to feel like they're part of the in-crowd ("what's that I hear?/the sound of marching feet?/it has a strange allure?"). And the last verse is a damn snappy summary:

You say you're right, I shouldn't judge
What's wrong or right - this is too much
No: I'm not judging you I'm judging me
My academy...my academy...

Posted by: Jeff B. at May 26, 2006 10:30 AM (Ii+Xg)

23 Trying to be cool makes you look like the High School Foreign Policy Club when they tie their neckties around their foreheads for bandanas when they "rock".

I tie my bandana around my right shin, and it looks fucking kickass!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to wax my Camero. And give back my Bon Jovi CD. Them's my car waxing tunes.

Posted by: The Warden at May 26, 2006 10:30 AM (8WTw1)

24 virtually none of my favorite songs can be called "conservative" they can be called "good."

Who said "born in the USA?" is the all time conservative song? It's a standing insult to the american dream, challenging the idea that there is any way anyone can reach the top on their own. It paints every citizen of the nation as a victim of the imperial nation that uses proffit and war to subjugate the masses.

There are some libertarian aspects to it, but it is clearly an indictment on nixon, and business.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 26, 2006 10:40 AM (QTv8u)

25 someguy, I don't know the original artist for Last Kiss, but I know Pearl Jam did a pretty decent cover of it a few years ago.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 26, 2006 10:41 AM (pzen5)

26 How about Aenema by Tool?

Maybe it isn't conservative, but it's certainly anti-LA culture.

Ænema
Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshit three ring circus sideshow...
Of freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay
Fret for your figure and
Fret for your latte and
Fret for your hairpiece and
Fret for your lawsuit and
Fret for your prozac and
Fret for your pilot and
Fret for your contract and
Fret for your car
It's a Bullshit three ring circus sideshow...
Of freaks here in this hopeless fucking hole we call LA
The only way to fix it is to flush it all away
Any fucking time, any fucking day
Learn to swim, I'll see you down in Arizona bay
Some say a comet will fall from the sky
Followed by meteor showers and tidal waves
Followed by faultlines that cannot sit still
Followed by millions of dumbfounded dipshits.
Some say the end is near
Some say we'll see armageddon soon
I certainly hope we will cuz
I sure could use a vacation from this
Silly shit, stupid shit...
One great big festering neon distraction,
I've a suggestion to keep you all occupied
Learn to swim
Mom's gonna fix it all soon
Mom's comin' round to put it back the way it ought to be
Learn to swim
Fuck L Ron Hubbard and
Fuck all his clones
Fuck all those gun-toting
Hip gangster wannabes
Learn to swim
Fuck retro anything
Fuck your tattoos
Fuck all you junkies and
Fuck your short memory
Learn to swim
Fuck smiley glad-hands
With hidden agendas
Fuck these dysfunctional,
Insecure actresses
Learn to swim
Cuz I'm praying for rain
And I'm praying for tidal waves
I wanna see the ground give way
I wanna watch it all go down
Mom please flush it all away
I wanna watch it go right in and down
I wanna watch it go right in
Watch you flush it all away
Time to bring it down again
Don't just call me pessimist
Try and read between the lines
I can't imagine why you wouldn't
Welcome any change, my friend
I wanna see it all come down
Suck it down
Flush it down

Posted by: The Warden at May 26, 2006 10:41 AM (8WTw1)

27 Wickedpinto:

Who said "born in the USA?" is the all time conservative song? It's a standing insult to the american dream, challenging the idea that there is any way anyone can reach the top on their own. It paints every citizen of the nation as a victim of the imperial nation that uses proffit and war to subjugate the masses.

We got a missed sarcasm alert in comment 24, people.

Posted by: Jeff B. at May 26, 2006 10:44 AM (Ii+Xg)

28 I can tell you this, a lot of those artists would friggin' wretch if they knew their songs were being touted as conservative. The Pretenders? Iron Maiden? George Harrison?

And a lot of the choices I just don't get- one of the major themes is anti-authoritarianism/totalitarianism. I don't think this is necessarily a conservative notion, and probably wasn't in most of those bands' minds.

And what's up with "Don't Tread on Me." I thought that was satire.

Posted by: Mark V. at May 26, 2006 10:45 AM (2ipxY)

29 2) Neil Young , however you want to slice his politics (and he did write "Let's Roll" for you right wing types) is infinitely cooler than Lynyrd Skynyrd. And I don't just say that because I'm Canadian.

Dude.

And no, I'm not cool either.

Oh, ok. That explains it.


Posted by: JackStraw at May 26, 2006 10:46 AM (J8+2b)

30 And for those unaware, Neil Young really did go through a genuinely Reaganite phase in the '80s (he still says he considers him to have been a great president). Take a listen to Hawks & Doves, which got lambasted by the usual suspects in the left-wing music critic intelligentsia as a reactionary sellout.

Posted by: Jeff B. at May 26, 2006 10:46 AM (Ii+Xg)

31 Continuing on with Neil Young, he's always been fascinating lyrically because he really isn't monochromatic. If you're looking for some genuinely diverse politics, compare "Ohio" ("tin soldiers and Nixon's coming/we're finally on our own") with "Campaigner" ("even Richard Nixon's got soul"), or look at the sarcastic portraits of deadend losers in songs like "Welfare Mothers" and "Sedan Delivery." And Hawks & Doves has the hilarious "Union Man" - which is not a compliment.

Speaking of unions, Bob Dylan's another interesting character,. It's amazing to realize that the same guy who wrote the unabashedly pro-union "North Country Blues" also wrote the early '80s "unions are destroying the American Dream" song "Union Sundown." (Not coincidentally, that one came from Infidels, the same album as "Neighborhood Bully," which is on NR's list.)

Posted by: Jeff B. at May 26, 2006 10:51 AM (Ii+Xg)

32 yeah, I typed and then thought Jeff B.

I think the best one on the list is the Jesus Jones song.

Whats the lyric? "watching the world wake up to history?"

Thats my favorite on the list.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 26, 2006 10:57 AM (QTv8u)

33 Hey, who let the Canadian in?

Anyway, the list is okay. Not great, but pretty good. At the moment, the song that best describes my relationship with the Republican party is this one.

Posted by: Slublog at May 26, 2006 11:01 AM (aGpO3)

34 Jeff B.:

I agree that "Academy Fight Song" is awesome, one of my favorites, although I never gave much thought to whether it was conservative or not. Same with "That's When I Reach For My Revolver." I honsestly have no idea what they're trying to say there, but if I'm in traffic while listening to it, I'll turn it down so people in the cars next to me don't think I'm about to go on a shooting spree. Or I turn it up, depending on my mood at the time.

Posted by: matt30 at May 26, 2006 11:05 AM (E9zN3)

35 Mark V: I wouldn't know about the others, but the guys in Iron Maiden have at least one conservative bone on their bodies...

Age Of Innocence, by Iron Maiden

I can't be compromising in my thoughts no more
I can't prevent the times my anger fills my heart
I can't be sympathizing with a new lost cause
I feel I've lost my patience with the world and all

And all the politicians and their hollow promises
And all the lies, deceit and shame that goes with it
The working man pays everything for their mistakes
And with his life too if there was to be a war

[Chorus:]
So we can only get one chance, can we take it?
And we only got one life, can't exchange it
Can we hold on to what we have, don't replace it
The age of innocence is fading like an old dream

A life of petty crime gets punished with a holiday
The victims' mind are scarred for life most everyday
Assailants know just how much further they can go
They know the laws are soft, conviction chances low

[Repeat chorus]

You can't protect yourselves even in your own home
For fear of vigilante cries, the victims wipe their eyes
So now the criminal they launch right in our face
Judical system lets them do it, a disgrace

Despondent public worries, where it will all end?
We can't protect ourselves, our kids from the crime trend
We cannot even warn each other of evil in our midst
They have more rights than us, you cannot call that just

Posted by: madne0 at May 26, 2006 11:05 AM (IvPp0)

36 Pantera.....f*cking hostile.......nothing like a little *ss kicking to hit that patriotic bone

Posted by: morning wood at May 26, 2006 11:08 AM (+aNmG)

37 Rush and The Pretenders - two of the most boring bands ever.

What about Run-DMC 'Dumb Girl"? Anti-drug, anti-promiscuity, focus on school.


Now you're the flyest girl, in the whole school
but they don't call you fly - they call you fool
Because you don't go to class, you will not pass
You like to go but you should slow because you're goin too fast
And I can tell that you're dumb when you walk in the place
Walkin round with your thumb cold stuck in your face
Always sinnin never winnin cause you're last in the race
You get high and tell a lie and think that makes you the ace
DUMB GIRL.. (stupid!) THE GIRL IS..

Now you're a stupid sex fiend, with no will power (POWER)
Hit four guys in the bathroom at your last baby shower

All the guys call you fast (FAST) but I call you slow (SLOW)
Always sniffin or givin (GIVIN) somebody a blow (BLOW)
Givin every guy a try (TRY) at the wink of an eye (EYE)
There's somethin that you're missin, that money can't buy (BUY)
When it comes to love, you're even hated by Cupid (CUPID)
You're (silly) dilly (dumb) and you're JUST PLAIN STUPID!

Posted by: steve_in_hb at May 26, 2006 11:11 AM (rOmZa)

38 Wow Rush was in their twice, one of my all time favorite bands but I don't know about those two songs as being in "that" category.
Was listening to All the worlds a stage on the way home from work last night...reminds me of summer as a teenager.

Posted by: morning wood at May 26, 2006 11:14 AM (+aNmG)

39 Chuck Berry

My Ding A ling

When I was a little bitty boy
my grandmother bought me a cute little toy
Silver bells hangin' on a string
she told me it was my ding a ling

My ding a ling, my ding a ling
I want to play with my ding a ling
My ding a ling, my ding a ling
I want to play with my ding a ling

And then mother took me to Grammer School
But I stopped all in the vestibule
Every time that bell would ring
catched me playin' with my ding a ling

Once I was climbing the garden wall
I slipped and had a terrible fall
I fell so hard I heard bells ring
but held on to my ding a ling

Once I was swimming cross Turtle creek
many snappers all around my feet
Shure was hard swimming cross that thing
with both hands holdin' my ding a ling

This here song it ain't so sad
the cutest little song you ever had
those of you who will not sing
You must be playin' with your own ding a ling
My ding a ling Your ding a ling, your ding a ling
We saw you playin' with your ding a ling
My ding a ling everybody sing
I want to play with my ding a ling

Ok, its not technically a conservative song. Ok, its not conservative at all. But he is sings about his shwanz and Chuck Berry is definitely cooler than Neil Young.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 26, 2006 11:21 AM (J8+2b)

40 Rush-The Trees

There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas

The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade

There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads

So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw

Posted by: Geddy Lee at May 26, 2006 11:36 AM (CkFXK)

41 Here are some songs your old pal Sandy would call conservative:

"The Future" by Leonard Cohen
Gripes about sinful modern society, abortion, promiscuity, and so on.

"Was Ist Ist" by Einsturzende Neubauten
A wonderful parody of "progressivism". It's in German, though.

"All You Zombies" by The Hooters
It's religious.

"Go West" by The Pet Shop Boys
Celebrates western freedom.

Note that I don't actually like all these songs. Some of them suck. Also, some of these artists are almost certainly liberals who would be mortified to hear me describe their song as conservative.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 11:41 AM (ePQxy)

42 Rush sucks. Stupid stupid lyrics and medocre music.

The song for our Congress, especially the Republicans, is a very cool song that was big in the early '90s:

so I told the girl in Spanish I said hey ya me voy
cuz u aint treatin me like I'm some sucker toy cuz who needs u neways
con tu lengua venenosa, today u tell me something y manana es otra cosa
MENTIROSA!


Yeah, I knew you'd remember it.

Posted by: Bart at May 26, 2006 11:50 AM (LLkdU)

43 I am governor jerry brown
My aura smiles
And never frowns
Soon I will be president

Carter power will soon go away
I will be fuhrer one day
I will command all of you
Your kids will meditate in school

California über alles
über alles california

Zen fascists will control you
100% natural
You will jog for the master race
And always wear the happy face
Close your eyes, cant happen here
Big bro on white horse is near
The hippies wont come back you say
Mellow out or you will pay

California über alles
über alles california

Now it is 1984
Knock knock at your front door
Its the suede/denim secret police
They have come for your uncool niece

Come quietly to the camp
Youd look nice as a drawstring lamp
Dont you worry, its only a shower
For your clothes heres a pretty flower

Die on organic poison gas
Serpents eggs already hatched
You will croak, you little clown
When you mess with president brown

California über alles
über alles california

Posted by: Jello Biafra at May 26, 2006 11:51 AM (rFLG5)

44 I looked around, and found an english translation of "Was Ist Ist" here. It's an excellent song. Here are the lyrics:


Two things are endless: Ignorance and space
None...just...everywhere, more...and...abound
Just love and the weather never, never end

We demand some change in our orbit
Absolute liberation from Newton's gravitational mania
No gravitational bodily harm, or else flying's a heavy task
Put an end to continental drift, bring back Pangaea

What is is, what is not is possible
Just what is not is possible

We demand more...with our...charm
More...and...pears, marzipan
We want even more...substances illegal
No Monday leftovers, five-star minimum

A first-class bonus ticket from...to Berlin
A crate of champagne, eco-vodka, eco-gin
A world house without walls, there must be enough space
A morning without hangover, no regrets, not alone

What is is, what is not is possible
Just what is not is possible

We demand a sundown for the Occident
Dance capacity, inexhaustible, the night after finds no end
Without...and beyond critique
A completely empty sky, enriched with music

We pencil black figures into our utopian calculation
We demand a deft hand and the appropriate touch
In the daytime stars as well, more stars in general
And today yesterday's men for underground work

What is is
What is not is possible
Just what is not is possible

We want to nibble, kindle, amble, gambol all along the edge
Bulimic diet for the whole governing body
and...no lettuce heads
Prison for John Everyman for forgery and treason
We demand letters are put back in the alphabet
So the likes of me can think amid the Babylonian babble
We demand...and..
Play the music really loud at last, so someone can believe us

What is is, what is not is possible
Just what is not is possible

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 11:51 AM (Uuy++)

45 "All You Zombies" by The Hooters
It's religious.


Were you the one with all the zombie jokes, Sandy?

Posted by: shawn at May 26, 2006 11:52 AM (FB0My)

46 There's nothing wrong with Capitalism There's nothing wrong with free enterprise
Don't try to make me feel guilty
I'm so tired of hearing you cry
There's nothing wrong with making some profit
If you ask me I'll say it's just fine
There's nothing wrong with wanting to live nice
I'm so tired of hearing you whine

About the revolution
Bringin' down the rich
When was the last time you dug a ditch, baby!
If it ain't one thing
Then it's the other
Any cause that crosses your path
Your heart bleeds for anyone's brother I've got to tell you you're a pain in the ass
You criticize with plenty of vigor
You rationalize everything that you do
With catchy phrases and heavy quotations
And everybody is crazy but you

You're just a middle class, socialist brat
From a suburban family and you never really had to work
And you tell me that we've got to get back
To the struggling masses (whoever they are)
You talk, talk, talk about suffering and pain
Your mouth is bigger than your entire brain
What the hell do you know about suffering and pain . . .

Posted by: Danny Elfman @ Oingo Boingo at May 26, 2006 11:55 AM (rFLG5)

47 Either way-- Wake Up, Little Susie is about a couple who had sex, but they've got their story about "just falling asleep all night" and they're sticking to it. Even if the Everly Brothers didn't mean it that way, I'd guess that most teenagers who heard the song at the time so interpreted it.

I don't know. It doesn't really make sense that way. If the singer were addressing his words to his parents, then it could readily be interpreted that way.

But he's addressing his words to his girlfriend, frantically trying to wake her up because they're late and now everyone's going to think something naughty took place. They worry that now their "reputation is shot". Back in the 1950s I think at least girls did worry about their reputations.

Anyway, I love the song just for the line where they worry about what they're going to do when their friends say "ooh-la-la" about them. Ha ha, priceless.

Is the song conservative? It's certainly socially conservative in that the straightforward meaning of the lyrics is two kids are worried sick about what their parents and peers are going to think when they come home at four in the morning after an innocent mistake.

Even Ace's interpretation is conservative by today's standards, as today's excuse would now be something about they couldn't help what happened because the guy got love-drunk off her hump, her hump, her hump, her hump, her lovely lady lumps, so they really couldn't get home in time, sorry Ma.

Posted by: Bob at May 26, 2006 11:56 AM (9ANE9)

48 Bart -

Pulling out Gerardo, I have that song burned on a cd in my car.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at May 26, 2006 11:56 AM (rOmZa)

49 I figured you would, steve. I have it, too, from Itunes.

Is that Gerardo or Mellow Man?

Posted by: Bart at May 26, 2006 12:01 PM (LLkdU)

50 shawn, I made a couple of the zombie jokes, but not most of them.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 12:03 PM (Uuy++)

51 I forgot that Rico Suave was also half in Spanish. The song I posted was Mentirosa (Liar) by Mellow Man.

Posted by: Bart at May 26, 2006 12:08 PM (LLkdU)

52 If an anti-abortion lyric is all it takes to qualify...

You could have swept it from your side but you wouldn't do it, no you wouldn't do it!

Plus, if you play "Havin' My Baby" backwards it says, "The guys get shirts."

How much more conservative can one song be?

Posted by: Mr. Paul Anka at May 26, 2006 12:08 PM (BPhem)

53 Bart -

You learn something everyday. I always thought that was Gerardo, but I think you are right - Mellow Man.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at May 26, 2006 12:10 PM (rOmZa)

54 F*cking awesome song to kill bad guys to.

Captures the American sprit of non-surrender perfectly.

If they ever get around to making a pro-War on Islamic Terror movie, the should blast this one:

DEFY YOU
By: The Offspring

You may push me around
But you cannot win
You may throw me down
But I'll rise again
The more you say
The more I defy you
So get out of my face

You cannot stop us
You cannot bring us down
Never give up
We go on and on
You'll never break us
Never bring us down
We are alive!

All my will
All my strength
Rip it out
Start again

The wind blows
I'll lean into the wind
My anger grows
I'll use it to win
The more you say
The more I defy you
So get out of my way

Can you leave it all behind?
Can you leave it all behind?
Cause you can't go back
You can't go back

Posted by: MegaTroopX at May 26, 2006 12:11 PM (v5fbO)

55 Mark V. wrote:

And what's up with "Don't Tread on Me." I thought that was satire.

Nope. Absolutely not. It was completely sincere, although a lot of frantic Metallica fans tried to take it as satire. I think I mentioned this the last time we had the patriotic-songs discussion here, but I remember when the song first came out a lot of people were freaking out about that song, and one guy on the old Usenet groups not only argued that it was satire, but he actually had his own imaginary version of the lyrics to back up his theory (in his mind "that which we proudly hail" morphed into "that which we once proudly hailed" and so on). It was pretty funny, in a pathetic sort of way.

Nope, Metallica actually got fired up and pro-America during the first Gulf War, and they took a lot of flack for it but stuck to their guns. Then after 9/11 they started talking about how ashamed they were about that song, how it was the most embarrassing song in their catalog, etc. It was enough to make me sick. Keep in mind that this is right after 9/11. This isn't in the heat of the Iraq war where some reasonable people could at least wonder if we shouldn't have gotten involved in that situation. This is immediately after 9/11. Their kneejerk reaction was to disavow that song and post a big message on their web site that they wouldn't tolerate any anti-Muslim comments in their message boards. Typical liberal "why do they hate us" crap.

Great song, by the way, and one of the very few, pro-American, unambiguously patriotic rock songs out there, rich with American symbolism (right down to the Revolutionary-era snake on the album cover). Metallica can hate the song all they want, but they can't take it away from me:

Don't Tread on Me

Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail
Once you provoke her, rattling of her tail
Never begins it, never, but once engaged...
Never surrenders, showing the fangs of rage

Don't tread on me

So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
Settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore...

Don't tread on me

Love it or leave it, she with the deadly bite
Quick is the blue tongue, forked as lighting strike
Shining with brightness, always on surveillance
The eyes, they never close, emblem of vigilance

Don't tread on me

So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
Settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore...

Don't tread on me

So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war

Liberty or death, what we so proudly hail
Once you provoke her, rattling on her tail

So be it
Threaten no more
To secure peace is to prepare for war
So be it
Settle the score
Touch me again for the words that you'll hear evermore...

Don’t tread on me

Posted by: Bob at May 26, 2006 12:12 PM (9ANE9)

56 Best. Song. Eva. for all cool people.

Ready?

Here it is:

White Snake's "Here I go Again"

Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray
You give me strength to carry on
Cos I know what it means
To walk along the lonely street of dreams

Posted by: Bart at May 26, 2006 12:28 PM (k1Kwt)

57 What? No Skrewdriver? No Slayer? No S.O.D.? Typical liberal bias, refusing to permit conservative issues onto the agenda. If you listen to the liberal media, you'd think conservatives were all about drugs, abortion, and taxes.

Posted by: at May 26, 2006 12:34 PM (dlqQt)

58 Rock on, Moby.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 12:40 PM (K2rlS)

59 Bob,

Taking the lyrics at face value, you're 100% right.

What I mean, I guess, is that it's a stealth song about sex. Facially, it's about two kids who just fell asleep. But again, I presume that most teenagers who heard it at the time assumed that something more was going on (because that is, of course, more titillating).

No, the lyrics don't "make sense" my way. But then, this was at a time when you were restricted as to what you could sing.*

Hey, even with the lyrics as they are, it was banned in Boston.

* Unless you were Chuck Berry or Little Richard.

Posted by: ace at May 26, 2006 12:41 PM (h7Mal)

60 No S.O.D.?

Posted by: at May 26, 2006 12:52 PM (dlqQt)

61 No The Letter That Johnnie Walker Read?

Posted by: guinsPen at May 26, 2006 01:10 PM (gmP/d)

62 Some of the best Conservative lyrics come from Cracker.

All these cats with holey jeans, Am dirty hair and titty rings,
Say what your scene man, we got these questions.
Is it true that you have sold your soul? I say hey man, I don’t know
Lend me a quarter won’t you, I’ll call my accountant.

Let’s get off this, and get on with it,
If you wanna change the world shut your mouth and start to spin it
Get off this, get on Am with it
If you wanna change the world shut your mouth and start this minute

Petty little Ayatollah come around to judge and stone ya
all we’re trying to do is make a fortune
Yeah we ain’t got no government loans, and no one sends a check from home
And get this: we’re just doin’ what we wanna

Priceless. BTW, I did a post in this just before NR was requesting suggestions. Sent them the link to my post. And no dang credit. Oh well.

http://sixmeatbuffet.com/archives/2005/12/04/rock-songs-conservatives-can-love/

Posted by: Gordon at May 26, 2006 01:18 PM (i0N3d)

63 Deutschland uber alles should be 1-50.

Posted by: Zizz at May 26, 2006 01:41 PM (+VNlz)

64 Yeah, Zizz, 'cuz wingers are like totally nazis, man. Speak truthiness to power.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 01:45 PM (PQyeQ)

65 Deutschland uber alles should be 1-50.

You should be embarrassed for posting this. Not so much because it demonstrates a silly, simple minded viewpoint, but because it's so boring and predictable.

What are you going to do next, talk about how dryers seem to eat one sock? The number of buns in a bag not equaling the number of dogs in a pack?

So boring.

Posted by: at May 26, 2006 01:52 PM (rOmZa)

66 Oh, shut up, zizz.

Posted by: Slublog at May 26, 2006 01:52 PM (aGpO3)

67 May 26, 2006 06:52 PM was me.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at May 26, 2006 01:53 PM (rOmZa)

68 How come there's no Wagner? Or deuling banjos?

Posted by: Zizz at May 26, 2006 01:57 PM (+VNlz)

69 The number of buns in a bag not equaling the number of dogs in a pack?

Seriously, this is a fucking mystery. An annoying one.

Posted by: JackStraw at May 26, 2006 01:59 PM (rnOZq)

70 How old are you, Zizz?

I'm thinking 14 and just full of righteous indignation after reading your first Chomsky and watching "Fahrenheit 9/11."

Fight the power, man.

Fight the power.

Posted by: Slublog at May 26, 2006 02:02 PM (aGpO3)

71 Zizz, let's have a "teachable moment" together, shall we?

Some facts about Naziism:
- Nazi means National Socialist Party. They were radical leftists.
- Hitler hated America and "American capitalism".
- Hitler believed, as many leftists do (c.f. Hugo Chavez's Christmas speech), that there are powerful zionists controlling the world's resources.
- American Leftists were pro-Nazi, up to the point that Hitler betrayed Stalin and broke the Nazi-Soviet friendship pact, at which point they were "anti-fascist" (and pro-Soviet).

Etcetera. Calling us nazis makes about as much sense as calling us commies. On the other hand, your dueling banjo comment, tiresome and elitist as it was, at least makes some sense, since more rednecks and southerners are republican than democrat.

Posted by: sandy burger at May 26, 2006 02:05 PM (ePQxy)

72 Notice how conservatives ALWAYS bring up meat, together with buns.

That's why Deliverance was so accurate.

Posted by: Zizz at May 26, 2006 02:09 PM (+VNlz)

73 Zizz, boy, you're lucky I don't know where you live or I'd burn a cross in front of your house and shoot my gun in the air.


Yeeeeehaw, muthafucka!

Posted by: Cleetus McMeathead at May 26, 2006 02:12 PM (ejBeZ)

74 I have shit for BRAAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Posted by: Zombie Zizz at May 26, 2006 02:17 PM (ejBeZ)

75 Ever notice how the end of my man-joint looks like a Nazi stormtrooper?

Bad trooper, bad!

Or is that just me?

Posted by: Zizz Bucket at May 26, 2006 02:29 PM (i0N3d)

76 Mrph, gaah! Ptuie!

Posted by: Mouthfulla Zizz at May 26, 2006 02:31 PM (i0N3d)

77 Do all con-servatives use pith helmets as aphrodisiacs?

Posted by: Zizz at May 26, 2006 02:32 PM (+VNlz)

78 Do all con-servatives use pith helmets as aphrodisiacs?

Only when we're slamming liberals up the ass. You guys aren't that sexy, and we need the visual.

Posted by: Lee Atwater at May 26, 2006 02:34 PM (aGpO3)

79 On the other hand, your dueling banjo comment, tiresome and elitist as it was, at least makes some sense, since more rednecks and southerners are republican than democrat.

True. But most cornholers are democrats.

Posted by: fazizzzzzzzzzle at May 26, 2006 02:37 PM (rnOZq)

80 Conservative NRA song: "Time to get a gun", Fred Eaglesmith (a Canadian).

My neighbor's car got stole last night,
Right out of his driveway.
We heard the dogs a barkin',
We never paid 'em any mind.

And Mary says she's gonna lock the door,
From now on when we go away.
And I've been walkin' around this town
Wonderin' if its time,

Time to get a gun.
That's what I was thinkin'.
I could afford one,
If I did just a little less drinkin'

Posted by: Tom M at May 26, 2006 02:42 PM (ARXgj)

81 Reading Zizz's comments brought to mind a song that definitely should be on the list--Mose Allison's Your Mind's on Vacation and Your Mouth Is Working Overtime.

Mose Allison is a force. Not quite in the league of Dick Cheney's cock, but he could handle John Bolton's moustache from a respectable distance.

Posted by: Brett Bullington at May 26, 2006 03:01 PM (/QYGF)

82 Wake Up Little Suzie is not about kids who had sex, it's about kids who yawned away a boring flick and then woke up past their curfew and are afraid everyone will think they were humping like bunnies. Back when people actually felt shame about doing that, and when society would condemn it.

I nominate California Uber Alles as a conservative hit song, just to piss off Jello Biafra.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at May 26, 2006 03:04 PM (1Vbso)

83 Mose Allison, didn't he write "I'm not talkin'"?
Awesome.

Conservative songs aren't really about conservative politics. Liberal songs often are. The story of the ups and downs of living an honest life, or trying like heck, according to the previous generation's code. Springstein does it well with "Racing in the Streets", I think. "Jack and Diane" gets a bit much, like some of Billy Joel's early stuff, but they illustrate the example.

Eaglesmith sings about taking his blind grandfather out in an open field and aims a Henry rifle that his grandfather is holding and gives him the thrill of shooting a firearm:

"Not last week, but the week before last,
I led my old grandpa down the path.
Out where the prarie grasses grow for miles.

I showed him where to point and how to stand,
Put an old Henry Rifle in his hand,
You should of heard him laughing when he got it firing."


Posted by: Tom M at May 26, 2006 03:24 PM (ARXgj)

84 "Liberal songs often are. "
I should have added: "...about liberal politics". The reverse is actually true, though. Ian Hunter's "Gun Control" is very tounge in cheek satire on gun rights supports. Funny, though.

Posted by: Tom M at May 26, 2006 03:35 PM (ARXgj)

85 Mose Allison, didn't he write "I'm not talkin'"?
Awesome.


Yeah, that's Mose. He's a force, I tell ya'.

Posted by: Brett Bullington at May 26, 2006 03:44 PM (/QYGF)

86 What are you going to do next, talk about how dryers seem to eat one sock? The number of buns in a bag not equaling the number of dogs in a pack?

Or have the 'Soap, can it be dirty, and if so, what do you use to clean it?" discussion (which I actually enjoy)Of course I shouldn't have brought up that discussion, because anything concerning soap, offends the french.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 26, 2006 03:52 PM (QTv8u)

87 Bbeck:

Why don't we get drunk and screw?

Posted by: Jimmy Buffet at May 26, 2006 03:53 PM (BPhem)

88 Snoopy and the Red Baron? Hello?

Posted by: wiserbud at May 26, 2006 04:08 PM (56ssE)

89 Some Comments of the list (by song #):

2. "Taxman" Shouldn't this be the Liberals favorite song? Oh wait sarcasm.

9. "Don't Tread on Me" "Never Begins it / Never / But Once Engaged / Never Surrenders / Showing the Fangs of Rage."

Posted by: George at May 26, 2006 04:38 PM (hRmHi)

90 I wrote a song about bananas!

Posted by: Harry Belafonte at May 26, 2006 05:10 PM (LTnfF)

91 "Always sinnin never winnin cause you're last in the race
You get high and tell a lie and think that ***makes you the ace***"

(emphasis added)

Hmmmm ....

Posted by: Knemon at May 26, 2006 05:17 PM (0Dz63)

92 CALIFIRNIA DREAMIN by THE MAMAS AND THE PAPAS becuase theres the line I GOT DOWN IN A CHURCH AND I BEGAN TO PRAY. HERMINS HERMITS. IM HENERY THE 8TH I AM. and i heard the song WERE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE on the movie IRON EAGLE and what about some popular country music IM PROUD TO BE A AMERICAN. LEE GREENWOOD CHARLEY DANNIALS BAND. IN AMERICA with the lines IF THE RUSSIANS DONT BELIVE US THEY CAN ALL GO STREIGHT TO HELL

Posted by: spurwing plover at May 26, 2006 05:24 PM (gJhPg)

93 "King of America?"

Hear me out:

it attacks the media (specifically ABC)
hollywood
politicians (and i get a gary-hartish vibe from "he came third or fourth and there were more than one or two")
hard drugs (trick they do with mirrors and with chemicals) - I'm more of a libertarian on this, but it seems to be a criterion for other songs.

Also, there's a certain regret to the line "It was a fine idea at the time, now it's a brilliant mistake," which all us ex-moonbat-cons can sympathize with.

Sure, Costello's a commie, but I ain't no stinkin' intentionalist, so I feel free to recontextualize his, uh, text.

Posted by: Knemon at May 26, 2006 06:18 PM (0Dz63)

94 Several songs I was surprised to see *didn't* make the list:

1. "Honey" by Bobby Goldsboro, 1968. Super-schmaltzy 60s muzak as all get out, and plot-wise similar to Last Kiss. But if they're truly including pop music, it should be included. (See the tree, how big it's grown...)
2. "Girls on Film" by Duran Duran, 1982-3. Way too un-PC to ever release today.
3. "Political Science" by Randy Newman, circa 1972. Sure, it's practically a lead-pipe cinch Randy was just being sardonic/sarcastic, but still, it sure encapsulates how I (and I suspect many conservatives) feel about the US' image in the world today.

I'm sure I will think of more as soon as I finish posting this.

Posted by: qdpsteve at May 26, 2006 06:44 PM (gwl7T)

95 Meh. The 50 list is pretty weak.

They forgot:

Walk, by Pantera

and

Bodies, by drowning pool (I think)

Posted by: Mike S. at May 26, 2006 07:48 PM (hI/OI)

96 S.O.D. are/were prophets. "Fuck the Middle East", "Speak English or Die", "Pussywhipped", and "Milk" are as relevant today as they were in 1985.

"No Turning Back", however, could be Al Gore's theme song should he run again in 2008..."We will die, we will fry, we never learn, so now we burn..."

Slayer is also a pretty "conservative" band, if you can get past all the Satanic imagery and stuff. From what I hear, the troops love them.

Posted by: Sterm26 at May 26, 2006 09:30 PM (1LIJQ)

97 Heh, S.O.D.'s some pretty funny stuff. You gotta love subtle political commentary like this:

Fuck the middle east
There's too many problems
They just get in the way
We sure could live without them
They hijack our planes
They raise our oil prices
We'll kill them all and have a ball
And end their fuckin' crisis
BEIRUT, LEBANON-Won't exist once we're done
LIBYA, IRAN-We'll flush the bastards down the can
SYRIANS and SHIITES-Crush their faces with our might
Then Israel and Egypt can live in peace without these dicks

(Funny story: My freshman-year college roommate loved S.O.D. and I loved Anthrax. It wasn't until several years later that I realized that S.O.D. was a quickie side project that members of Anthrax did. If we had known this at the time perhaps it would have helped us appreciate each other's music instead of always fighting for control of the CD player. But probably not.)

Posted by: Bob at May 27, 2006 02:24 AM (9ANE9)

98 This was kind of a lame list, and I am embarassed by some of the entries. Battle of Evermore an anti-communist anthem? It is more likely Robert Plant dropped some acid and transcribed whatever he saw. If it was a tyrant's red face, well that was going into the song whether it meant something or not.

Rock 'n' Roll is by its very nature pagan and bohemian. It holds out a promise that really cannot be fulfilled for anyone except the rockers themselves, a consequence free carnal heaven in the here and now. Even the term Rock 'n' Roll implies unrestrained sexuality. Rock is a controlled release of a primitive instinct, much like professional sport or online gaming is a controlled release of the primitive desire to have your tribe wipe out other tribes. Every once is a while, even a civilized man enjoys pretending that the constraints of civilization are not necessary.

Looking for conservatism in rock, generally, is a fool's errand. It would be as if the Village Voice released a list of the 50 Sexiest Requiems. This form of music doesn't exist for this purpose.

That having been said, I agree with the poster who observed that Cracker is about the only band that pulls off songs that are hip yet make fun of hipness. Cracker is the South Park of rock, from what I can tell. "What the world needs now is another rock singer, like I need a hole in the head..." Funny stuff.

Posted by: caspera at May 27, 2006 04:39 AM (jylGY)

99 Cracker's earlier incarnation, Camper van Beethoven, has much more typical politics for the music industry, but nevertheless gets off a good one against hippies and treehuggers now and again.

"Wasted," e.g.

Posted by: Knemon at May 27, 2006 06:24 AM (0Dz63)

100 Hey J Zizz, you know what's cool about being a nazi?

You probably don't, so I'll give you a hint:

Nobody ever had a sexual fantasy about a liberal.

Posted by: OregonMuse at May 27, 2006 06:42 AM (OktGL)

101 spurwing plover, the Mama's and Pappa's lyric is "Well, I got down on my knees and I PRETEND to pray".

Posted by: Tuning Spork at May 27, 2006 07:24 AM (T7qPO)

102 Caspera has some good ideas, but he leaves out one thing: the self-consciously subversive nature of rock music. Typically, this subversion works against the traditional, bourgeouis, conventional hegemonic matrix of church, family, and state. Well, now that the prevailing matrix is transnational progressivism and peace-love-dope, the subversion can work against that, too.

I especially enjoyed that Kinks song "Two Sisters" from the list, which I had never heard before. It argues, in two minutes, that a lifestyle consisting of conventional marriage and child-raising is better than hip, superfcially attractive bohemianism. Very nice.

Posted by: OregonMuse at May 27, 2006 08:39 AM (OktGL)

103 Hilarious. Only a moron would declare the pistols' 'bodies' to be an 'anti-abortion' anthem.

Even more hilarious is Ace's reflexive condemnation of what he at first believes to be a list of songs compiled by the NYTimes. You really don't know what you like, do you Ace?

This is why conservative assessments of culture are always so amusing.


Posted by: lionel trilling at May 27, 2006 09:27 AM (avs1h)

104 Oh. And Colbert is really a conservative pundit.

And the Kinks are conservatives.

And we're turning the corner in Iraq.

etc.

It's always a thrill to turn the particular into the general. Works every time.

Posted by: lionel trilling at May 27, 2006 09:41 AM (avs1h)

105 Hilarious. Only a moron would declare the pistols' 'bodies' to be an 'anti-abortion' anthem.

Really?

That's funny. That's precisely what Johnny Rotten says it was. Apparently you didn't know he was (is?) very anti-abortion.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2006 09:59 AM (h7Mal)

106 No, Ace.

When I hear the Sex Pistols' Bodies ["Bodies! ...Screaming fucking bloody mess! It's not an animal! It's an abortion!"] it sounds like you have a horror, a fear of female bodies.

No. Quite the opposite. No, no. Early on I had an acceptance of what life really is. We lived in two rooms and we had an outdoor toilet. My mum had a miscarriage. And this isn't against my mum, but - this could have been a brother or a sister for me to play with and I had to flush it down the toilet. I mean, that strikes you. And that's like an abortion. I'm not anti- or pro-abortion. Every woman should have the choice when they face it. But that was a grim Steptoe & Son world. My mum was heartbroken. And if you construe that as being anti-abortion, then you're a silly cu... sausage.

In any case, Ace, the whole point to the pistols was the creation of moments in art in which the lies of consumerism could be experienced as they are, as pain & humiliation.

Read Greil Marcus and Lester Bangs for starters, culture boy.

Posted by: lionel trilling at May 27, 2006 10:12 AM (avs1h)

107 Oh. That exerpt is from johnlydon.com

Posted by: lionel trlling at May 27, 2006 10:15 AM (avs1h)

108 That's what he says now.

At the time, when asked about it, he said something like "I can think of better methods of birth control than blowing a baby out of your fucking womb."

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2006 10:18 AM (h7Mal)

109 I'm less sure of this, but I think he also expressed the fear that legal abortion was an attempt at "voluntary eugenics" for the lower class.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2006 10:20 AM (h7Mal)

110 Well, I can't detain you from cherrypicking one song from whoever for the purposes of creating a conservative canon of culture that actually includes good music. Maybe it will inspire an epiphany one day that great art is inimical to a conservative worldview. One can hope for such random acts of enlightenment.

So, fire up those punk records Ace and see how long you can think of "good morning in America" before dying of laughter.

Posted by: lionel trilling at May 27, 2006 10:25 AM (avs1h)

111 what a pompous twat.

BTW, I'm rushing right out to the library now to check out Marcus and Bangs.

if there's one thing I just can't get enough of, it's critics; and especially the knights of art criticism-- ROCK CRITICS, the creme de la CREEM.

Posted by: ace at May 27, 2006 10:34 AM (h7Mal)

112 I'm not anti- or pro-abortion. Every woman should have the choice when they face it.

lionel, you're pro-abortion. Pro choice= pro abortion. It's science.

If you're okay with a person in your society making the choice to terminate a pregancy, that means you're okay with abortion.

Do I need to spell it out for you, lionel, my inlightened and enlightened friend?

Posted by: Bart at May 27, 2006 10:35 AM (EuFYC)

113 "This is why conservative assessments of culture are always so amusing."

Almost as amusing a fuckwit who thinks pop music is culture.

Posted by: Miks S. at May 27, 2006 10:44 AM (hI/OI)

114 lionel,

There is a difference between a miscarriage and an abortion, much as there is a difference between watching a man be struck by lightning and throwing the switch while he's sitting in an electric chair. You sure are super smart, but have somehow missed the simple central idea of morality which is "What was the intent (or in some cases negligence) of the actor?"

Whatever one's opinion about abortion, miscarriage has nothing to do with it outside of emotion. So why bring it up? Ah, yes. To demonstrate that you are more authentic than the rest of us here.

You do come across as a pompous jerk. What, we can't speculate on the meaning of throwaway three minute pop tunes? I mean, really.

Posted by: caspera at May 27, 2006 10:55 AM (jylGY)

115 Kenny Rogers "Coward of the County" -> Metrosexual v. man.

Queen "We are the Champions" -> Giving up is for losers.

Blues Brothers "Rawhide" -> Work hard so I can get home.

Posted by: Al at May 27, 2006 12:44 PM (4Thhc)

116 A lot of sex pistols info, cool.

As for the Mamma's and the Papa's. "California Dreaming" is about a bunch of crazy san fran libs walking through. . .I believe new york, and not being able to deal with the fact that they are not welcome into every house on the block just cuz they are cold.

They were wishing they could find a decent free love commune, that was powered by love, built out of rainbows, and governed by anyone that wasn't American.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at May 27, 2006 01:12 PM (QTv8u)

117 I pitched Oingo Boingo's Capitalism as well as Only a Lad to Mr. Miller after his NRO bleg. I actually thing Only a Lad is a better rock song and every bit as conservative as Capitalism.

It's about how liberal society goes out of its way to apologize for thugs and criminals saying that the criminal is not at fault but is the product of his environment. I particularly like the last line, Hey there Johnny boy, I hope you fry.....

Plus the song just rocks in general.

Only A Lad>
Johnny was bad, even as a child everybody could tell
Everyone said if you don't get straight
You'll surely go to hell

But Johnny didn't care
He was an outlaw by the time that he was
Ten years old
He didn't wanna do what he was told
Just a prankster, juvenile gangster

His teachers didn't understand
They kicked him out of school
At a tender early age
Just because he didn't want to learn things
(Had other interests)
He liked to burn things

The lady down the block
She had a radio that Johnny wanted oh so bad
So he took it the first chance he had
Then he shot her in the leg
And this is what she said
Only a lad
You really can't blame him
Only a lad
Society made him
Only a lad
He's our responsibility
Only a lad
He really couldn't help it
Only a lad
He didn't want to do it
Only a lad
He's underprivileged and abused
Perhaps a little bit confused

His parents gave up they couldn't influence his attitude
Nobody could help
The little man had no gratitude

And when he stole the care
Nobody dreamed that he would
Try to take it so far
He didn't mean to hit the poor man
Who had to go and die
It made the judge cry

Only a lad
He really couldn't help it
Only a lad
He didn't want to do it
Only a lad
He's underprivileged and abused
Perhaps a little bit confused

It's not his fault that he can't believe
It's not his fault that he can't behave
Society made him go astray
Perhaps if we're nice he'll go away
Perhaps he'll go away
He'll go away

(Repeat chorus)

Hey there Johnny you really don't fool me
You get away with murder
And you think it's funny
You don't give a damn if we live or if we die
Hey there Johnny boy
I hope you fry!

Posted by: pistolero at May 27, 2006 04:21 PM (EtT3N)

118 Lester Bangs? Far out, solid, and right on, man! *snicker*

Dunno who said it, but he (she?) was right: "Writing about music is like painting about architecture."

Posted by: Meekrob at May 27, 2006 04:59 PM (mA9tr)

119 Apparently, it's actually "dancing about architecture," but eh. Close enough.

Posted by: Meekrob at May 27, 2006 05:03 PM (mA9tr)

120 I always thought of music critics as hobos sitting around on the side of the road. If pop music were an object it would be a piece of trash next to the highway. Some people notice it, even care about it, but eventually the wind carries it somewhere nobody will see it. The critics/fans etc... huddle around different garbage and annoy everyone else.

Some, like lionel, start to form themselves around the garbage and it's pathetic. In lionel's world the music you listen to and movies you watch can define you. He has nothing else going for him so he tries to compensate with pop culture. The only other thing I could compare it to would be a group of people divided by who likes Taco Bell and who likes Jack in the Box. F'n pathetic.

Posted by: Mike S. at May 27, 2006 06:26 PM (hI/OI)

121 Slayer is perfect conservative music.

Posted by: at May 28, 2006 06:06 AM (oJdZe)

122 WERE NOT GOING TO TAKE IT ANYMORE by TWISTED SISTER i heard it in the movie IRON EAGLE

Posted by: spurwing plover at May 29, 2006 08:27 AM (D9h75)

123 It made me and Baby Jesus cry when some goofball rewrote the Dead Kennedy's "We Have a Bigger Problem Now". If you guys want to rock out to "Wake Up Little Susie", I won't laugh, and I'll even admit there are some pretty damned cool songs on the list. But I can't stand to see someone elses songs hacked up and passed off as the opposite of what they were meant to be. So, for your edification and anger, the original lyrics, and if you can hold your ideological noses and find a copy to listen to, it's awesome in the proper sense of the word. You're the man, Jello.


Last call for alcohol.
Last call for your freedom of speech.
Drink up. Happy hour is now enforced by law.
Don't forget our house special, it's called a Trickie Dickie Screwdriver.
It's got one part Jack Daniels, two parts purple Kool-Aid,
and a jigger of formaldehyde
from the jar with Hitler's brain in it we got in the back storeroom.
Happy trails to you. Happy trails to you.

I am Emperor Ronald Reagan
Born again with fascist cravings
Still, you made me president

Human rights will soon go 'way
I am now your Shah today
Now I command all of you
Now you're going to pray in school
I'll make sure they're Christian too

California Uber alles
Uber alles California

Ku Klux Klan will control you
Still you think it's natural
Nigger knockin' for the master race
Still you wear the happy face

You closed your eyes, can't happen here
Alexander Haig is near
Vietnam won't come back you say
Join the army or you will pay

California Uber alles
Uber alles California

Yeah, that's it. Just relax.
Have another drink, few more pretzels, little more MSG.
Turn on those Dallas Cowboys on your TV.
Lock your doors. Close your mind.
It's time for the two-minute warning.

Welcome to 1984
Are you ready for the third world war?!?
You too will meet the secret police
They'll draft you and they'll jail your niece

You'll go quietly to boot camp
They'll shoot you dead, make you a man
Don't you worry, it's for a cause
Feeding global corporations' claws

Die on our brand new poison gas
El Salvador or Afghanistan
Making money for President Reagan
And all the friends of President Reagan

California Uber alles
Uber alles California

Posted by: canuckistani at May 29, 2006 12:22 PM (A5ppj)

124 Hey that is not a bad list at all. Anyone who listens to rock n roll and does not like Won't Get Fooled Again, Sympathy for the Devil, Revolution, Bodies, Taxman, I Faught the Law, Heroes, The Battle of Evermore, You Can't Always Get What You Want, The Night They Drove Old Dixie Down, and Why Don't You Get a Job, should just hang it up now. Those are some of the most basic rock songs of all time. The list is great; but hardly conservative. Remember morons, turn to conservatives to run the country; turn to liberals for art. 95 percent of the artists listed are not just liberal but ULTRA liberal.

Posted by: Cary from Houston at May 30, 2006 05:10 AM (AhCOe)

125 What, no Nugent? Give me a break!!

Songs not on the list, but should have been....
(Explanations given below)

Lynard Skynard: Simple Man, Red, White and Blue
(Livin' right, Joe 6-Pack answers anti-war weenies)
Timbuk 3: The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades
(A future in hi-tech nerdness, not hugging trees)
Charlie Daniels Band: God Bless America Again
(Like it says....)
Bruce Springsteen: The Rising, Empty Sky, Wreck by the Highway
(Remember 9/11, ditto, thinkin' about the family)
Metallica: Sad But True
(The Devil/Society/Jihad/Race made me do it. Yeah right....)
Steely Dan: Kid Charlemagne, Bodhisattva, Show Biz Kids
(Requiem for Sixties, mocks instant "enlightenment", decadence of Hollywood scene)
Steppenwolf: The Pusher
(Refrain says it all)
Murray Head: One Night in Bangkok
(Anti-hedonist?)
Zevon Warren: Mohammed's Radio, Lawyers Guns and Money
(Bite me Cartoon Jihad, having fun overseas )
Bill Seger: Feel Like a Number
(Conservative frustration with current state of life)
Black Sabbath: The Mob Rules
(Refrain describes life under Deaniacs, Jihadis, others)

Posted by: exdem13 at May 30, 2006 07:44 AM (NRrvx)

126 Dammit, I forgot one....

Outfield: Wanna-Bes
(LOVE playing this on car stereo when Wiggers can hear it. )

Posted by: exdem13 at May 30, 2006 07:50 AM (NRrvx)

127 Did I miss the Kinks "Captain America"?

Can't see why that wouldn't be near the top of the list--real pro-American, not sarcasm and a decent hook. I give it 50 stars!

Posted by: spongeworthy at May 30, 2006 08:20 AM (uSomN)

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