June 30, 2004

Top Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide" Shot Dead Like a Dog in Saudi Arabia
— Ace

Reuters always has a funny way of putting things, doesn't it?:

Saudi police killed a top spiritual guide for the Saudi wing of Osama bin Laden's al Qaeda network during a shootout in Riyadh on Wednesday, security sources said.

They named the slain militant as Abdullah al-Roshood, on a list of 26 most wanted suspects, and said his death was a hefty blow to the ideological hierarchy of al Qaeda in the world's biggest oil exporter.

...

"A police search of the militant's den showed that it was a factory for explosives," it added.

This "spiritual guide" had a bomb factory? What a shock.

Top Ten Other Items Discovered in Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide's" Hideout

10. Explosive crystal unicorns

9. Cyanide-filled dominoes

8. One (1) special Magic: The Gathering deck with unique card, Osama bin Ladin: Half-Elf Ranger Lord

7. Three "organic" crystal balls which look suspiciously like severed human heads

6. Special tarot cards featuring grotesque anti-semitic caricatures, such as "Schlomo, The Hook-Nosed Rag Merchant"

5. A ouija board containing only two sections, "Kill Infidel Crusaders" and "Kill Jewish Pig-Monkeys"

4. A lockbox labeled Secret Scrolls of Righteousness -- For the Spiritual Guide Only, containing 40 back-issues of Oui and Juggs magazines

3. One cancelled membership card for the Uri Geller fan club

2. Four yoga mats upon which are written inspirational or humorous jihadist messages, such as "Suicide Bombers Do It With Their Belts On" and "Today is the Last Day of the Rest of Your Life"

... and the Number One Item Discovered in the Al Qaeda "Spiritual Guide's" Hideout...

1. One reviewer's copy of Fahrenheit 911; cover signed, "Keep the faith -- Mike"

Posted by: Ace at 11:49 AM | Comments (10)
Post contains 303 words, total size 2 kb.

1 What about his copy of "Chicken Soup for the Terrorist's Soul"?

Posted by: Brian B at June 30, 2004 12:34 PM (OnnW3)

2 That's good eatin'. By the way, since Al Bore fathered the Internet, does that make all of the Digital Brownshirts his evil spawn?

Posted by: Jeff at June 30, 2004 12:48 PM (xuO8w)

3 *snickersnort*

Nice one, Ace.

Posted by: Emma at June 30, 2004 01:52 PM (NOZuy)

4 How about the Holy Hand Grenade?

Posted by: Stumbo at June 30, 2004 03:08 PM (z4es9)

5 Armaments, Chapter Two, Verses One through Forty-Two....

Posted by: Brian B at June 30, 2004 03:20 PM (OnnW3)

6 5. "A ouija board containing only two sections, 'Kill Infidel Crusaders' and 'Kill Jewish Pig-Monkeys'"

You are killing me. I'll be laughing about this tomorrow.

Posted by: physics geek at June 30, 2004 03:51 PM (auFn9)

7 What's the deal with jihadists and the whole "Jews are pigs and monkeys" thing anyway? I mean, OK, you don't think they're human. We got it. So, are they pigs? Are they monkeys? What's it going to be?

As I understand it, they believe that Jews are the offspring of a Pig/Monkey relationship. Of course, that doesn't work genetically, but these people aren't exactly living in the 21st century...

Posted by: Smack at June 30, 2004 05:03 PM (CBDWx)

8 Medsanur Türkiyenin yeni medikalcilik alanındaki yükselen firmalardan biridir. Cerrahi el aletleri, laparoskopi, tek kullanımlık sarf malzemeleri  ve çelik demirbaş hastane aletleri üretmekte olup macaristanın medikal firması balazsi endoscope'nin türkiye disbiritör'dür medikal ürünler ve tıbbi malzemler alanında kaliteli ürün yelpazesi ile türkiyede bayilik dağıtımı yapmakta olup kendi fabrika ürünlerini pazarlamaktadır.

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9

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