November 29, 2011

Three Things The GOP Field Can Learn From Herman Cain
— Ace

These are pretty damn fine points.

Here's number one:

If you want to sell a pie, you need a good hook: Cain has taken a lot of heat over how often he mentions his 9-9-9 plan, but it’s beating the stuffing out of all the other candidates’ plans right now. Why? Because Cain, a corporate marketing expert, knows deep in his bones what most politicians still can’t figure out: if you want people to remember you, you have to give them something simple on which to hang that memory. There’s a corollary here, by the way, that probably should get its own point: If you don’t build the hooks for your campaign, your competition will, and they won’t be good.

Mitt Romney has a fine economic plan, but it’s spread out over 59 points and has no unifying theme he can put into one short sentence. Rick Perry has a strong three-pillar plan but his hook, “Cut, Balance, and Grow”, is not only boring but so close to “Cut, Cap, and Balance” that it makes him look lazy and unimaginative. Newt Gingrich knows how to write a good hook — remember “Drill Here, Drill Now, Pay Less”? — but he hasn’t gotten around to writing a good one for his own plan.

Cain put a strong hook in front of a plan that turned out to be less than half as comprehensive than any of the other candidates’ plans and his is the one that still dominates the tax reform discussion.

Point 2 is keep it positive -- I guess I agree with that, generally -- and Point 3 is related to point 1: If you want your supporters to sell your plan, you'd better sell it strongly yourself (Nine! Nine! Nine!), and not just treat it like a Check That Box thing to get out of the way, just to say you have a plan.

Posted by: Ace at 11:10 AM | Comments (252)
Post contains 336 words, total size 2 kb.

1
It's so crazy it just might work.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at November 29, 2011 11:11 AM (QMtmy)

2 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: Helping out AllenG at November 29, 2011 11:12 AM (zHl9z)

3 The points are good. 9-9-9 still sucks.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:12 AM (OWjjx)

4 4th thing the field can learn from Herman Cain. You may want to vet yourself a bit before running.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:13 AM (OWjjx)

5 Point 4: Keep your hands and penis in your pants.

Posted by: blaster at November 29, 2011 11:13 AM (SCzqL)

6 Point Five : Snitches get Stitches.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 29, 2011 11:14 AM (H/kgP)

7 Point #17: Don't expect the chicks you bang to stay quiet. They NEVER stay quiet.

Posted by: joejm65 at November 29, 2011 11:14 AM (bC7k7)

8 Point 6:  When faced with an accusation, have a better response then "uhhhh......what?"

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (OWjjx)

9

Point  7: Never offer to upgrade

Posted by: Ben at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (wuv1c)

10 It's like Bachmann's line "core of conviction", the book title she repeats endlessly, it doesn't mean anything by itself and requires her supporters to do the heavy lifting of explaining what she really means by that in a few sentences.

Posted by: Quilly Mammoth at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (9Qhrd)

11 Point #17 see Point Five.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (H/kgP)

12 #4 - Keep the 9-9-9- in your pants
#5 - Never pay off the bitches

Posted by: laceyunderalls at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (pLTLS)

13 Don't count on others to keep "our secrets".

Posted by: Snafu at November 29, 2011 11:15 AM (8d28r)

14 Point 11 : Have a book to sell.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 29, 2011 11:16 AM (H/kgP)

15

Point 24: A good way to sell books is to run for the office of the Presidency.

Posted by: Ben at November 29, 2011 11:17 AM (wuv1c)

16

Point 8: Try to get you and your lawyer on the same page.

Point 9: Try to get more t.v. face time than your lawyer.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:17 AM (OWjjx)

17 Point 19:  PAC Money = Slush Funds

Posted by: Ben at November 29, 2011 11:17 AM (wuv1c)

18 Co-stan-za!

Posted by: Scott J at November 29, 2011 11:17 AM (KC2BE)

19 Those are some fine points and they are numbers 60 thru 62 of the nineteenth edition of my plan.

Posted by: Mittens! at November 29, 2011 11:17 AM (FcR7P)

20 Never sleep with the help

Posted by: Stuff Jefferson Said: Points 34-54 at November 29, 2011 11:18 AM (wuv1c)

21 Point 10 : Kill whitey.

Posted by: Al Sharpton at November 29, 2011 11:18 AM (H/kgP)

22 Point 10: Try to run a campaign where the start of every interview with the media does not involve a question about your penis.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:18 AM (OWjjx)

23
Point 23: If your going rattle change in your pant pocket, make sure you use dimes.

Posted by: Ron Paul at November 29, 2011 11:19 AM (eyCQT)

24 I think Ron Paul's "Silver Dimes" pitch is decent.

Posted by: Ben at November 29, 2011 11:19 AM (wuv1c)

25 Point 1a.  Push, push, push your plan hard, even if the bitches don't think they want it.

Posted by: Herb Cain at November 29, 2011 11:19 AM (/ZZCn)

26 #69 - Rent a car with leather seats and don't forget to wash the sheets (with bleach).

Posted by: garrett at November 29, 2011 11:19 AM (kShFJ)

27

Great minds think alike.

Posted by: Ben at November 29, 2011 11:19 AM (wuv1c)

28
Point #1

Don't be pussies.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 29, 2011 11:20 AM (sqkOB)

29
Point K: Jooos

Posted by: Ron Paul at November 29, 2011 11:20 AM (eyCQT)

30 We don't have any points.

Posted by: OWS at November 29, 2011 11:20 AM (bm4vI)

31 Point # 13...offering the bimbo free pizza for life if you keep quiet ain't gonna cut it.

Posted by: billygoat at November 29, 2011 11:20 AM (1Dx8t)

32 #43 - Check Your Knots.

Posted by: Zombie David Caradine at November 29, 2011 11:21 AM (kShFJ)

33 Rule #9: Never go anywhere without a knife.

Wait...sorry, wrong list.

Posted by: DarkLord for Prez!
This message brought to you by Morons Against HTML Abuse
at November 29, 2011 11:21 AM (GBXon)

34 The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.

Posted by: Wm. Shakespeare at November 29, 2011 11:21 AM (FcR7P)

35 My problem with the piece:

Charlie Murphy didn't play Rick James. 

Enjoy the celebration, bitches.

Posted by: grognard at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (NS2Mo)

36 Don't Panic!

Posted by: the Guide at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (kShFJ)

37 Point #92 - Libya isn't a topping on a meat lovers pie.

Posted by: joejm65 at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (bC7k7)

38 point 11: try to run a campaign where every interview does not end with a question about your penis.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (OWjjx)

39 ace...by "points" did you mean "women"?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (s+J9D)

40 29
Point K: Jooos
Posted by: Ron Paul


That's just fucking funny.

Posted by: Dr Spank at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (H/kgP)

41 Barack Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (8y9MW)

42 If you need a good hook, maybe just use the one from that Miley Cyrus song.

Posted by: Roy at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (bm4vI)

43 Point 999: Don't 'help out financially' (wink).

Posted by: t-bird at November 29, 2011 11:22 AM (FcR7P)

44
Uh, what was the third point?

Posted by: Rick Perry at November 29, 2011 11:23 AM (eyCQT)

45 Point 11: Double tap.

Posted by: blaster at November 29, 2011 11:23 AM (SCzqL)

46 So is point 4: Know something about pie?  'Cause if "pie" is a metaphor for the presidency, he seems to have skipped that point.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at November 29, 2011 11:23 AM (8y9MW)

47

Remember the 3 S's when it comes to your cast-off bangtail:

Shoot

Shovel

Shut up.

Posted by: Herman Cain screaming "Avenge me!" at November 29, 2011 11:23 AM (jAqTK)

48 Point Omega : Lifts.

Posted by: Ron Paul! at November 29, 2011 11:24 AM (H/kgP)

49 46, no. Mozambique

Posted by: Scott J at November 29, 2011 11:24 AM (KC2BE)

50 Point 62: The bimbos find their way into shallow graves at least a year before you announce your candidacy.

Posted by: Herman Cain at November 29, 2011 11:24 AM (QKKT0)

51
Pharma point:  Never mention your Viagra prescription.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:24 AM (Lt/Za)

52 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at November 29, 2011 11:24 AM (7WJOC)

53 And we have jumped the shark.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:25 AM (OWjjx)

54 9-9-9 is superficially good.  Yeah for the surface!  Step II?  Not so good.

Posted by: ParisParamus at November 29, 2011 11:25 AM (DlER7)

55 Point 116:  Check the name of the boat before you charter it.

Posted by: Gary Hart at November 29, 2011 11:25 AM (QKKT0)

56 AKA flash in pan.

Posted by: ParisParamus at November 29, 2011 11:25 AM (DlER7)

57 bob dole has a viagra prescription...........oh.........

Posted by: bob dole at November 29, 2011 11:25 AM (s+J9D)

58 Point 408:  Don't have media interviews at home unless the room where mom is has been hermetically sealed.

Posted by: Ron Paul at November 29, 2011 11:26 AM (QKKT0)

59 Point #97: have a trade to fall back on, like making pizza for instance

Posted by: Jones at November 29, 2011 11:26 AM (8sCoq)

60 Emily Post étiquette: IT AIN'T POLITE TO POINT.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 29, 2011 11:27 AM (UlUS4)

61 Point #4 - Get a kick ass partner

Posted by: John McCain at November 29, 2011 11:27 AM (SCzqL)

62 Point 69: Three can keep a secret if two are dead.

Posted by: Sgt. Fury at November 29, 2011 11:27 AM (xx92t)

63 Don't put on the balm!

Posted by: Jackie Chiles at November 29, 2011 11:27 AM (kShFJ)

64 Point 318:  Take the car with the hardtop.

Posted by: JFK at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (QKKT0)

65 Point 77 : Never start a land war in Asia.

Posted by: LBJ at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (H/kgP)

66 CORRECTION: OBAMA is a STAMMERING Clusterf**k, not a stuttering one. http://articles.latimes.com/2011/may/26/opinion/la-oe-daum-obamaspeak-20110526

Posted by: lmekdahl at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (zgB7e)

67 48 Posted by: Herman Cain screaming "Avenge me!" at November 29, 2011 04:23 PM (jAqTK) Does that apply to Vince Foster?

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (UlUS4)

68 Mitt Romney has a fine economic plan, but it’s spread out over 59 points and has no unifying theme he can put into one short sentence. In other words, it isn't a fine economic plan. It's the fine print that might be in the implementation of a plan.

Posted by: t-bird at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (FcR7P)

69
Point #18

Never trust a bitch.

Bitches will rat you out..always.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (sqkOB)

70

don't cross the streams

never get out of the boat

don't go in the basement

don't take a small private plane to your next gig

Posted by: Jones at November 29, 2011 11:28 AM (8sCoq)

71
Point Delta: Is it safe?

Posted by: Ron Paul at November 29, 2011 11:29 AM (eyCQT)

72

71 sooth

 

bro's before ho's?

Posted by: bob dole at November 29, 2011 11:29 AM (s+J9D)

73

Never punch down.

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:29 AM (8ieXv)

74
Never look in the dark closet.

And never ever look under the bed.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 29, 2011 11:30 AM (sqkOB)

75 Point 4: Keep your hands and penis in your pants.

I'm not sure that works for me during a televised debate.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 29, 2011 11:30 AM (Hx5uv)

76
Point #12

Never leave your buddies behind.

Posted by: Barney Fag at November 29, 2011 11:31 AM (sqkOB)

77

Check the neck!

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:32 AM (8ieXv)

78 Point 16:  Don't ask for Gruyere on the Philly cheesesteak.  Just take the Cheez Whiz and be quiet about it.

Posted by: John F. Kerry, Reportin' Fer Duty at November 29, 2011 11:32 AM (QKKT0)

79 It's one thing to build a strong brand recognition with a theme (be it "9-9-9" or whatever), but there is such a thing as taking it too far.  See:  Herman Cain.

I'm pretty sure that if you asked Cain about the weather, he'd reply 999. 

And if you're a woman, follow up with "It ain't raining, but I'll make you wet baby."

Posted by: Hollowpoint at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (SY2Kh)

80 Cain was toast; Cain is toast; Cain will be toast.

Speaking of the walking dead, on TepidAir they've had a thread up for a while on how bad "The Walking Dead" is where the comments are Priceless ( in a bad-funny way )

Posted by: SantaRosaStan at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (UqKQV)

81 Are her thumbs big?
...too big?

Posted by: George Costanza at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (kShFJ)

82
Point 4: Keep your hands and penis in your pants.

I always keep it in my pants.

Posted by: Chaz Bono, The Real Deal at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (Lt/Za)

83 A good lie will get you out of a bad truth better than a good truth will get you out of a bad lie.

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (Hx5uv)

84

The Luger has a textured grip that prevents fingerprints.  Gonna keep that little nugget filed away for later.

Posted by: Herman Cain having just read "Midnight In The Garden Of Good And Evil" at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (jAqTK)

85 Point 4: actually know what the Hell you're debating on and don't suck up to the frontrunner

Posted by: AuthorLMendez Is Offering $ To ace If He Bans oZfic at November 29, 2011 11:33 AM (yAor6)

86 Point #4: Don't dip your pen in the company ink.

Posted by: Andy at November 29, 2011 11:34 AM (5Rurq)

87
Never cruise the Mekong without a boonie hat.

Posted by: Jon Carry, D-Masshole at November 29, 2011 11:34 AM (Lt/Za)

88 Point 20:  Never expect the MFM to give you a fair shake (well, "fair" as in how they treat their fellow Democrats).  Treat every MFM reporter as a hostile and treat every MFM appearance as an incursion into hostile territory. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at November 29, 2011 11:34 AM (9hSKh)

89 Pointe Blank: Minnie Driver looks like a dude

Posted by: Waterhouse at November 29, 2011 11:34 AM (TC9Qc)

90 Point 82: Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer.

Posted by: Michael Corleone at November 29, 2011 11:34 AM (QKKT0)

91

Never wear white after labor day.

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:35 AM (8ieXv)

92
Never go on DWTS without paying off the judges.

Posted by: Nancy Grace at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (Lt/Za)

93 Never pick up a duck in a dungeon.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (8y9MW)

94
Never go fishing on Lake Tahoe.

Posted by: Fredo Corleone at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (Lt/Za)

95 Point 4: Keep your hands and penis in your pants. But realize people will still know what you're doing.

Posted by: t-bird at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (FcR7P)

96 get a pre-nup.....

Posted by: paul mccartney at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (s+J9D)

97 Never kill a political opponent with a radioactive substance that can be traced back to you.

Posted by: Vladmir Putin at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (9hSKh)

98 Cain vaulted to the top of the polls is because his campaign has been relentlessly positive. He’s stressed his belief that America is truly exceptional and that we Americans can do anything we desire if we exert the will and effort. He was one of the first out of the box with an economic plan which end result was less government, more opportunity, and economic prosperity for everyone. He resisted throwing punches at the other GOP candidates while he hurled haymakers at President Obama

and this.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:36 AM (h+qn8)

99 Point Foe : Always wear a jimmy.

Posted by: Gator at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (H/kgP)

100
Level 12: Make sure you pick a V.P. that likes trains.

Posted by: Joe Biden at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (eyCQT)

101
Never ride with a Kennedy on Cape Cod.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (Lt/Za)

102 Point 199: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side.

Posted by: Han Solo at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (QKKT0)

103 Thing #187:  Make sure the chicks are hot.  If they're hot, you pick up the lech vote.

Posted by: nickless will probably get accidentally banned again soon at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (MMC8r)

104 turkeys can't fly

Posted by: les nessman at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (s+J9D)

105 Make sure that you don't tweet pics of your junk to the entire world.

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (JxMoP)

106 Never say never.

Posted by: Sean Connery at November 29, 2011 11:37 AM (TC9Qc)

107 Point eleventy!!1!11 Don't point to your crotch and say 'is that an election in my pants?'
 
Or at least don't use that one too often.

Posted by: GnuBreed at November 29, 2011 11:38 AM (ENKCw)

108 Never get in the shower with Coach Sandusky

Posted by: 10 Year Old Boy at November 29, 2011 11:38 AM (kShFJ)

109
Never wear your Naval uniform to a presidential debate.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:38 AM (Lt/Za)

110 Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life, son.  Unless your last name is Kennedy.

Posted by: Sun Tzu at November 29, 2011 11:38 AM (QKKT0)

111
Point #1

Keep your friends close. Keep your enemies closer.

Posted by: Soothsayer at November 29, 2011 11:38 AM (sqkOB)

112 Point 17(A): When you hear the tense, jangly violins, look behind you.

Posted by: joncelli at November 29, 2011 11:39 AM (RD7QR)

113

He resisted throwing punches at the other GOP candidates while he hurled haymakers at President Obama

wait, what?! Cain constantly used the race card on Perry, he even followed it up w/ claims he wouldnt vote for Perry in 2012 if he was the nom.

Posted by: AuthorLMendez Is Offering $ To ace If He Bans oZfic at November 29, 2011 11:39 AM (yAor6)

114 Point shot: he scores! Ohhhh, baby!

Posted by: Bob Cole at November 29, 2011 11:39 AM (TC9Qc)

115 It is like the drill here, drill now.
shorthand for using our resources and we all benefit.  cheaper gas prices , boom in emplyment and stability, freedom  from arabia , (although we don't really get a majority of our oil from there) regular peeps don't seem to know that.
No Blood for Oil!

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:39 AM (h+qn8)

116 En Point: Never let a crisis go to waste.

Posted by: Rahm-a-damn Emanuel at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (mIucK)

117 Point 199: Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no match for a good blaster at your side

Point 200: Okay, sometimes hokey religions and ancient weapons really are a match for a good blaster at your side.

Posted by: Han Solo, after his run in with Darth Vader at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (8y9MW)

118 The Cake is a lie.

Posted by: Rocks at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (Q1lie)

119 Read the directions on the parachute before jumping.

Posted by: D B Cooper at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (ENKCw)

120 Ma Ma where's my Pa, Gone to the White House, Ha, Ha, Ha

Posted by: Recycled slogan all set to be used on Cain at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (LNRLz)

121
Never pick up a hooker in Hollywood.

Posted by: Hugh Grant at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (Lt/Za)

122 >> Never ride with a Kennedy on Cape Cod.

It was Martha's Vineyard.

But probably still not a good idea to ride with them on Cape Cod either.

Posted by: Andy at November 29, 2011 11:40 AM (5Rurq)

123
Never give Santa Claus a blowjob.

Posted by: Ms. Claus at November 29, 2011 11:41 AM (Lt/Za)

124 On the flip side: Barack Obama--the first all marketing, all the time Presidential Candidate and President.
Close runner up: Framing, the obsession the Left has with everything as if it is the magic potion to sell bullshit.

So, no. Marketing is great. But if your product is a shit sandwich, no catchy jingle, no clever phrase, no wow-factor, is going to make it a BLT with extra bacon.

Posted by: Jimmuy at November 29, 2011 11:41 AM (ycMO4)

125 A tent is not bullet-proof.

Posted by: Col. K-Daffy at November 29, 2011 11:41 AM (FcR7P)

126 Point illism: use dots

Posted by: Georges Seurat at November 29, 2011 11:41 AM (TC9Qc)

127 Don't let bitches set you up.

Posted by: Marion Barry at November 29, 2011 11:42 AM (9hSKh)

128

Never order a Chardonnay with steak.

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:42 AM (8ieXv)

129 Author I don't remember constantly?
i remember the rock. which was an idiotic thing to do , agreed.
But spoke of our excellance, and we Can do attitude, and we are special as a nation, those things speak to this crummy little bitter clinger.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:42 AM (h+qn8)

130
Never party with Dick Cheney's WarCock.

Posted by: Osama Bin Laden at November 29, 2011 11:42 AM (Lt/Za)

131 never write those love letters to your gay lover

Posted by: President James Buchanan at November 29, 2011 11:42 AM (yAor6)

132
Never pinch S E Cupp's ass.

Posted by: Bill O'Reilly, Pontificating Asshole at November 29, 2011 11:43 AM (Lt/Za)

133 Leave off the "e" on potatoe.

Posted by: Dan Quayle at November 29, 2011 11:43 AM (QKKT0)

134 Your world is our toilet.

Posted by: Occupoo Wall Street at November 29, 2011 11:43 AM (FcR7P)

135
Point 3221: Don't follow the flames.

Posted by: Ron "Gollum" Paul at November 29, 2011 11:44 AM (eyCQT)

136 126
Never pick up a hooker in Hollywood.

Posted by: Hugh Grant at November 29, 2011 04:40 PM (Lt/Za)

Hahahahaha...you think thats shits funneh???

 

Posted by: Eddie Murphey at November 29, 2011 11:44 AM (8ieXv)

137 Never throw up on the Japanese Prime Minister.

Posted by: George Bush at November 29, 2011 11:44 AM (8y9MW)

138 Never bargain with a Democrat.

Posted by: grognard at November 29, 2011 11:44 AM (NS2Mo)

139 Posted by: President James Buchanan at November 29, 2011 04:42 PM (yAor6)


This is sound advice.

Posted by: John Cheever at November 29, 2011 11:45 AM (kShFJ)

140
Never play with scissors or fire, and don't touch my lipstick, John.

Posted by: Your Mom at November 29, 2011 11:45 AM (Lt/Za)

141 Always look on the bright side of life.

Posted by: Eric Idle at November 29, 2011 11:45 AM (JxMoP)

142 He resisted throwing punches at the other GOP candidates while he hurled haymakers at President Obama

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 04:36 PM (h+qn

Which Herman Cain are you talking about?

Because the one in the news is a bit of a backstabbing cocksucker when it comes to the other GOP candidates.

Posted by: CharlieBrown'sDildo (NJconservative) at November 29, 2011 11:45 AM (nEUpB)

143 Don't play chicken with a bulldozer.

Posted by: Rachel Corrie at November 29, 2011 11:46 AM (JxMoP)

144 So, are we just admitting that the nomination process has more in common with a game of Munchkin than it does with debating good policy?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at November 29, 2011 11:46 AM (8y9MW)

145

Don't name your pancakes special The Rachel Corrie.

Posted by: Rachel Corrie's Mom at November 29, 2011 11:46 AM (Lt/Za)

146 Point 73 - Alway keep your hands out of your pockets when standing next to Michelle Bachmann.

Posted by: Soona at November 29, 2011 11:46 AM (e1GiY)

147
Point 69: Watch and/or wash your behind.

Posted by: Bunny Frank at November 29, 2011 11:46 AM (eyCQT)

148 Alway keep your hands out of your pockets when standing next to Michelle Bachmann.

Absolutely, you never know when someone that crazy will just go berserk.  If your hands are in your pockets, they might get stuck there for critical seconds while she scratches out your eyes.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) says 'No' to RINO Romney at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (8y9MW)

149
Don't go on Jeopardy and make an ass of yourself.

Posted by: Blitz Blitzer, CNN's Liberal Asshole at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (Lt/Za)

150 In case of nuclear war, seek shelter in the nearest refrigerator.

Posted by: Indy at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (SY2Kh)

151 fcol. i am reposting the Post from ace's link.
besides hitting Perry where were all these other swings at candidates?

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (h+qn8)

152 A shield and sword is not a good substitute for a tactical nuke.

Posted by: Zombie King Leonidas at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (ENKCw)

153 Never waste the energy of throwing a 96 mph heater when a slow, bending 50 mph hook will make the batter look just as foolish.

Posted by: The Greatness.....That Is....Zach Greinke at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (OWjjx)

154 Point 154: Bitches be snitches. If you gonna ride it, be sure you can hide it.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (l9zgN)

155 138
Never pinch S E Cupp's ass.

Posted by: Bill O'Reilly, Pontificating Asshole at November 29, 2011 04:43 PM (Lt/Za)

 

wouldn't blame him one bit.

NSFW

http://tinyurl.com/77gue6w

HeHE...just found a new fave.


 


 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (8ieXv)

156 Never leave home without your Towel

Posted by: Ford Prefect at November 29, 2011 11:48 AM (kShFJ)

157 Never bring a crossbow to a longbow fight.

Posted by: spongeworthy at November 29, 2011 11:49 AM (puy4B)

158 never stand too close to a guy you just killed that happens to have bombs strapped to him

Posted by: DEA Agent Stansfield at November 29, 2011 11:49 AM (yAor6)

159 Oh, and if you want to go to the Playoffs....get the hell out of Kansas City.

Posted by: The Greatness.....That Is....Zach Greinke at November 29, 2011 11:49 AM (OWjjx)

160 Don't name your pancakes special The Rachel Corrie.

I spent Thanksgiving week visiting my sister in Olympia, Washington.  In the harbor there, they have an exhibit tug boat that was sunk and resting on the bottom for years but had been raised by the Corrie family and restored.  Apparently the Corries are a pretty big deal there. 

Posted by: WalrusRex at November 29, 2011 11:49 AM (Hx5uv)

161
Always make her sleep on the wet spot.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:50 AM (Lt/Za)

162 Never argue with an idiot.

Posted by: Maxine Waters at November 29, 2011 11:50 AM (eyCQT)

163 Jumbo. I believe we should wear kevlar, and a knife  and package of bandages to every post.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:50 AM (h+qn8)

164 they have an exhibit tug boat that was sunk and resting on the bottom for years but had been raised by the Corrie family and restored.

Did they name it St. Pancake?

Posted by: grognard at November 29, 2011 11:50 AM (NS2Mo)

165

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 04:48 PM (8ieXv)

On behalf of the entire Male Moron population.

Thank you.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:50 AM (OWjjx)

166
Never date Dum Dum's girlfriend.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:51 AM (Lt/Za)

167 Those eligible for AARP membership don't always make the best quarterbacks.

Posted by: Minnesota Vikings at November 29, 2011 11:51 AM (SY2Kh)

168

Never bring a crossbow to a longbow fight.

Crossbows are for closers.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:51 AM (OWjjx)

169 Fish, why not? she wouldn't ever argue  or spend everything on your credit card.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (h+qn8)

170 Learn badminton.

Posted by: Michael Vick at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (QKKT0)

171 Never argue with an this  idiot.

Posted by: Maxine Waters at November 29, 2011 04:50 PM (eyCQT)

FIFY

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (OWjjx)

172

don't link to gay porn, attack others' families, and threaten others before denying it and wanting to be loved by everyone

Posted by: A Certain Cat Lover Who Comments On Blogs at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (yAor6)

173

Don't take the Giants getting 7 against the Saints at home.

 

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (8ieXv)

174  voicemail isn't your friend

Posted by: Pat O'Brien at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (kShFJ)

175 always check the curtains after a moron has been around.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:52 AM (h+qn8)

176 point 44: never tweet pictures of your junk. Just saying.

Posted by: Anthony Weiner at November 29, 2011 11:53 AM (OWjjx)

177 Three Things The GOP Field Can Learn From Herman Cain *sigh* Why does it always have to be three things?

Posted by: Rick Perry at November 29, 2011 11:53 AM (FcR7P)

178 183 always check the curtains mayonnaise after a moron has been around.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 04:52 PM (h+qn

FIFY

Posted by: grognard at November 29, 2011 11:53 AM (NS2Mo)

179 Point Farve: Some chicks don't like dic pics.

Posted by: Jimmuy at November 29, 2011 11:53 AM (ycMO4)

180 don't take Mr. Cains advice on how to help a woman.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (h+qn8)

181 Be there first with the most.

- some General on the losing side of the war who won his battles

Posted by: museisluse at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (4Lj43)

182 Matt Damon!

Posted by: Matt Damon at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (kShFJ)

183 It is like the drill here, drill now.

They were talking about oil?  Shit, now they tell me.

Posted by: Herman Cain at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (Hx5uv)

184 don't screw the pooch so far and so hard you got nothing but letters begging a none-candidate to run

Posted by: Conservatives For Palin at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (yAor6)

185 172

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 04:48 PM (8ieXv)

On behalf of the entire Male Moron population.

Thank you.

Posted by: Mallamutt, RINO President for Life at November 29, 2011 04:50 PM (OWjjx)

Oh...the pleasure was all mine.

 

Posted by: dananjcon at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (8ieXv)

186 Never use wire coathangers!

Posted by: Mommie Dearest at November 29, 2011 11:54 AM (d0Tfm)

187
Fish, why not? she wouldn't ever argue  or spend everything on your credit card.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 04:52 PM (h+qn

Ladies and credit cards are like oil and water.  They don't mix well, and CC's have a tendency to end relationships.  Wanna get rid of her?  Give her a CC with a limit and it's over.


Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:55 AM (Lt/Za)

188 Pointe du Hoc:  We have to climb this thing?

Don't let your launched grappling ropes get wet.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at November 29, 2011 11:55 AM (tf9Ne)

189

Point 78:  Never marianate hobos more than 12 hours.

Posted by: Soona at November 29, 2011 11:55 AM (e1GiY)

190 Rock the boat, don't tip the boat over.

Posted by: Hues Corp. at November 29, 2011 11:56 AM (8ieXv)

191 Never use chunky peanut butter.

Posted by: Toby the Beagle at November 29, 2011 11:56 AM (d0Tfm)

192
Never date a Muslim, it's life threatening.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:56 AM (Lt/Za)

193 don't post random links while trying to hide the fact you're that commenter everyone wants gone

Posted by: Curiously Skyward, And Confused At That, As A Caniac at November 29, 2011 11:57 AM (yAor6)

194 don't pretend to be conservative if you're gonna out yourself by actively rooting against them

Posted by: Greg, Serious Conservative at November 29, 2011 11:57 AM (yAor6)

195 If she really wants the job, try for anal.

Posted by: nickless will probably get accidentally banned again soon at November 29, 2011 11:57 AM (MMC8r)

196
Never insinuate that Meggy McCain's a fat-ass big-hooter journalist.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 11:58 AM (Lt/Za)

197 don't slurp too much Romney cock before you start branding commenters trolls and declare yourself a rational guy who can pick who's the asshole or not

Posted by: Polishing Nikes In Texas For Romney at November 29, 2011 11:58 AM (yAor6)

198 The GOP...learn things?

Umm....
  Learn. 
  Things.

I won't be holding my breath.

Posted by: Tonic Dog at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (X/+QT)

199

Some People Ladies and credit cards are like oil and water.  They don't mix well, and CC's have a tendency to end relationships.  Wanna get rid of her?  Give her a CC with a limit and it's over.  amen



Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 04:55 PM (Lt/Za)

Wait what's the limit?


Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (h+qn8)

200 don't overdo the debate clips w/ Mitt or you'll get dried out

Posted by: Jen Rubin at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (yAor6)

201 Point 43:  Never bring a strap-on to a debate.

Posted by: Soona at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (e1GiY)

202
To avoid Botox poisoning, don't touch me.

Posted by: Nancy Pelosi at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (eyCQT)

203 59-Point Economic Plan, citizens!

And 59 - like me - is a prime number!

I'm Number One! I'm Number One! I'm Number One!

Posted by: Mittens, Cap'n Cornbrero at November 29, 2011 11:59 AM (0AClR)

204 don't go on  Liberal media for debates IF there are options.

r there?

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 12:00 PM (h+qn8)

205 Don't touch the hair!

Posted by: Tony Manero at November 29, 2011 12:00 PM (8ieXv)

206


Wait what's the limit?

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 04:59 PM (h+qn

The sky's the limit, except for CC's.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:00 PM (Lt/Za)

207

don't tell your kids I can give them anything they want, seriously...bitch has to pay taxes

Posted by: Santa Claus at November 29, 2011 12:00 PM (yAor6)

208 Never trust a man who doesn't drink.

Posted by: W. C. Fields at November 29, 2011 12:01 PM (d0Tfm)

209 don't have a self-loathing conservative brother lecture you on how to be a Republican

Posted by: AuthorLMendez Is Offering $ To ace If He Bans oZfic at November 29, 2011 12:02 PM (yAor6)

210

Barack Hussein Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

 

I denounce myself.

Posted by: Alte Schule at November 29, 2011 12:02 PM (MLJu8)

211 Keep shooting.

Posted by: Sarah Palin at November 29, 2011 12:02 PM (kShFJ)

212 don't go to David Frum for a conservatives ideas.

Posted by: willow at November 29, 2011 12:02 PM (h+qn8)

213
Never tell Joe Biden that trains are not profitable.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:02 PM (Lt/Za)

214 Posted by: nickless will probably get accidentally banned again soon at November 29, 2011 04:57 PM (MMC8r)

I like the cut of your jib, young'un!

Assured! Confident! Fatalistic!

It's like making me the GOP nominee!

Posted by: Mittens, Cap'n Cornbrero at November 29, 2011 12:03 PM (0AClR)

215 Don't tell SCOAMF what comes after a trillion.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at November 29, 2011 12:03 PM (d0Tfm)

216
Never tell Sheila Jackson Lee that NASA didn't visit Mars and plant the American flag.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:04 PM (Lt/Za)

217 Going for more than 30 seconds without taking a drag on a cigarette is for pussies.

Posted by: Mark Block at November 29, 2011 12:04 PM (SY2Kh)

218 Point 39:  Never ever bend down to pick up that soap.

Posted by: Soona at November 29, 2011 12:04 PM (e1GiY)

219
Don't tell me Guam didn't tip over.

Posted by: Hank Johnson, D-GA at November 29, 2011 12:05 PM (Lt/Za)

220

Never pass up a bathroom.

Never waste a hard-on.

Never trust a fart.

Posted by: Jack Nicholson in "The Bucket List" at November 29, 2011 12:05 PM (d0Tfm)

221
Never tell Crazy Eyes Bachmann she's not going to win.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:06 PM (Lt/Za)

222
Never ask Ron Paul about his brother Beldar Conehead.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:07 PM (Lt/Za)

223
Never confuse Zsa Zsa Huffington with Zsa Zsa Obama.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at November 29, 2011 12:08 PM (Lt/Za)

224

Never ask Rand Paul about Ron Paul.

Posted by: Soona at November 29, 2011 12:09 PM (e1GiY)

225 Point 120438: Have a anti-attack squad ready to counter any and all attacks regardless of where they come from. Even the response to false attacks will be take as true with the wrong worded press release so your word means nothing if the counter message is not clear 100% of the time.

Posted by: Tjexcite at November 29, 2011 12:11 PM (9D5EX)

226 What the......have you guys seen what you have done to this thread. Now, pick this mess up immediately. Its all fun and games, huh. Well, someday, you will have to put your childish snark away and start acting like an adult. Oh, I can't believe what you did to this new thread. What would Mr. Ace say about the way you treated this nice new thread he gave you, huh?

Posted by: Your Mom at November 29, 2011 12:16 PM (OWjjx)

227 Always have a bimbo eruption team on speed dial.

Posted by: Gmac at November 29, 2011 12:22 PM (k2Fyd)

228 I always thought 9-9-9 was a silly piece of shit on its face.

Posted by: packsoldier at November 29, 2011 12:23 PM (a+oyK)

229

I played Sim City for the first time in years last night--it dawned on me that the 9-9-9 plan came from the Basic Sim Tax Plan (9% on Residential, Commercial, and Industrial).  Of course, I always lower them to 1% and proceed to build pollution-churning megalopolises. 

I feel bad about the PizzaMan; I'm sorry to see him flame out like this.  He's a genuinely likable character, has been a successful businessman, and was articulating some excellent points during the primary.  It's sad that thanks to the not unwarranted anal exam, he'll have to live out his days with these allegations over his head.   

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at November 29, 2011 12:26 PM (Ec6wH)

230 The best thing about Cain's 9-9-9 plan is that it was 4-4-4 more than Subway's "5-5-5 Dollar Footlong!"

Posted by: Nigel Tufnel at November 29, 2011 12:28 PM (HqpV0)

231 Point # 17--Never cum in a stripper!

Posted by: Alec Baldwin at November 29, 2011 12:30 PM (HqpV0)

232 Never let a chance to run down Illinois Nazis pass you by.  Cuz it's National Socialism, not Extreme Rightwingism! 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at November 29, 2011 12:30 PM (Ec6wH)

233 Point #3...... Uh.....

Uhm.......,

Uh............

Posted by: Rick Perry... at November 29, 2011 12:30 PM (HqpV0)

234

The guy wasnt able to defend his own 9-9-9 beyond naming the url of his website and the other candidates are supposed to take a page out of his book?

How bout that page: "Newt, you go first!" 

Posted by: Megan The Whopper McCain at November 29, 2011 12:34 PM (97AKa)

235 sell it strongly yourself (Nine! Nine! Nine!)

May be cute, and may be catchy, but it is not a strong sale.  Bottom line: the Plan is not sensible and hasn't a prayer of passing any Congress.  May be a good hook, may be a unique plan (which tells you something right there), maybe he got your attention, but he's not even coming close to making the sale.

Posted by: Roger at November 29, 2011 12:35 PM (tAwhy)

236 If someone asks you if you are a god, you say YES!

Posted by: Dr. Venkman at November 29, 2011 12:35 PM (YmPwQ)

237 McCain sock, go away...

Posted by: Elize Nayden, Newtist at November 29, 2011 12:38 PM (97AKa)

238 Personally, I don't believe any of the douche bags who tried to smear Mr Cain. None if them us as pretty as Gloria Cain.

Posted by: Bobbi at November 29, 2011 12:38 PM (/s7hl)

239

God loves the working man.

Posted by: Papa Johnson at November 29, 2011 12:43 PM (6Oevb)

240 Don't trust whitey.

Posted by: Papa Johnson at November 29, 2011 12:45 PM (6Oevb)

241 39 What is funny is she was doing pretty good until she went of the deep end on the gardacil thing. If she had been able to keep in in for a few more months she would still be in the lead. -------------------------------- Michelle going off the rails on a crazy train, in the end, was as inevitable as Ted Kennedy showing up drunk at an AA meeting. Eventually the real you comes out.

Posted by: Lojack at November 29, 2011 01:05 PM (AMNW2)

242 Point # 3

Never fire or piss off your bimbo eruption squad

Posted by: Bill Clinton at November 29, 2011 01:08 PM (tBMfq)

243 247 God loves the working man. ------------------------ Unless you're doing the work of the devil.

Posted by: Lojack at November 29, 2011 01:13 PM (AMNW2)

244 I have this thing with shit vs shinola, but it's more of a visual deal.

Posted by: Papa Johnson at November 29, 2011 01:31 PM (6Oevb)

245 Too bad 9-9-9 sucked. I think for a plan to be considered good it should make sense.

Posted by: Ken Royall at November 29, 2011 01:50 PM (9zzk+)

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Posted by: Vivian Maier: Street Photographer ePub at November 29, 2011 03:41 PM (xmHXp)

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Posted by: The Betrayal of Trust epub at November 29, 2011 04:06 PM (P8qrp)

248 You really make it seem so uderstandable with your presentation but I find this topic before really hard to understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me.

Posted by: Tao Song and Tao Dance ePub at November 29, 2011 04:41 PM (jubGV)

249 If Cain survives this an gets elected, does that mean Ginger White becomes the First Bottom Bitch?

Posted by: someguy at November 29, 2011 05:04 PM (sEXZ/)

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Posted by: Cool, Calm & Contentious ePub at November 29, 2011 06:36 PM (uuRP5)

251 The number one thing the GOP field should learn from Cain is "Keep it in your pants."

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Posted by: nanonu at November 30, 2011 01:03 AM (SxJoL)

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