March 30, 2012

The Onion: After Just A Few Days In New York City, Tim Tebow Is Already Addicted To Crack & Gay Sex
— Ace

"He should be studying the playbook, instead of becoming the hottest power bottom on the Hudson dock."

Thanks to @comradearthur

Post-post update: Olbermann was canned for, once again, not showing up for work.

The source added that Olbermann failed to show up for work without authorization, missing almost half of his working days in the months of January and February. Olbermann asked for a vacation day on March 5, the night before Super Tuesday, according to the source. He was told it would be a breach if he took the vacation, which Olbermann did.

Posted by: Ace at 02:06 PM | Comments (88)
Post contains 136 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Plenty of meth and gay sex in NYC. Empire state building is lit up with the rainbow flag.

Posted by: Ron at March 30, 2012 02:07 PM (uhPd1)

2 The president is a scoamf

Posted by: phoenixgirl at March 30, 2012 02:08 PM (S781/)

3 Ugh, I try to avoid the Onion wherever possible. For instance, there's this spot of class [delete the spaces]:
www.theonion.com/ articles/ rick-santorum-relieved-no-one-has-asked-him-about,27630/

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 02:09 PM (QTHTd)

4 I do not want to know what a Hudson Dock is .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at March 30, 2012 02:10 PM (npr0X)

5 I thought the Tiger stuff was funnier.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 02:11 PM (KNvk+)

6 More Onion class:
www.theonion.com/articles/ women-voters-cant-help-fawning-over-sexist-gop,27748/

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 02:12 PM (QTHTd)

7 ACE! wrong link, I put the right one in my sig below:

Posted by: Max Power at March 30, 2012 02:12 PM (q177U)

8 WHOOPS! Looks like you fixed it already...

Posted by: Max Power at March 30, 2012 02:13 PM (q177U)

9 Liberals do hate work. And they hired a super liberal. What did they expect?

Posted by: DarrenODaly at March 30, 2012 02:13 PM (wDAwT)

10 THE Hudson Dock . My bad . Prolly still in the Urban Dictionary tho ..... sounds kinda dirty .

Posted by: Bill D. Cat at March 30, 2012 02:14 PM (npr0X)

11 I thought it was kind of funny. They don't mean it, of course. They're making a joke about NYC, not really Tebow.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2012 02:14 PM (nj1bB)

12 Wonder how this would work out for a muz player?



Onion = Idiot in my book.

Posted by: Hrothgar at March 30, 2012 02:14 PM (i3+c5)

13 I always take the day before super Tuesday off to cleans my feets. It's in my contract.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at March 30, 2012 02:15 PM (KNvk+)

14

Thanks, Ace.  Needed that laugh badly.  As a Donk fan I'm fking giddy to have Manning but I was shocked and dismayed that TT went to the dysfunctional, locker-room-lawyering, smack-talking but not-backing-it-up Jets. 

Posted by: SocietyIs2Blame at March 30, 2012 02:16 PM (yK8YH)

15 >>missing almost half of his working days in the months of January and February

Did either of CurrentTV's viewers notice?

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 02:16 PM (hO8IJ)

16 The Onion: After Just A Few Days In New York City, Tim Tebow Is Already Addicted To Crack & Gay Sex


That could be redundant depending on which crack we're talking about.

Posted by: The Federal Department of Redundancy Department at March 30, 2012 02:16 PM (QKKT0)

17 Things generally spread to every state after NYC.

Posted by: Ron at March 30, 2012 02:16 PM (uhPd1)

18

Vacation day???

When you have a 10 million dollar a year contract, you get fired for taking too much vacation??

Fail.

Posted by: dan-O at March 30, 2012 02:17 PM (sWycd)

19 "He was told it would be a breach if he took the vacation, which Olbermann did."

Wasn't that listed as a no-no in the First Edition of Power Plays That Will Fail? He should've gone to Cornell's business school where that's required reading.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 30, 2012 02:18 PM (eHIJJ)

20 Paid vacations are a basic human right.

Posted by: Keef Olbermann at March 30, 2012 02:18 PM (QKKT0)

21 Break out the TB3K.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 02:18 PM (5gtn4)

22 Sounds like Tebow is rapidly developing into the widest receiver in the NFL...

Posted by: CoolCzech at March 30, 2012 02:19 PM (niZvt)

23 Your mistake, Keith, was taking a one of those jobs where they expect you to actually show up somewhere.

Posted by: Michelle Obama at March 30, 2012 02:19 PM (QKKT0)

24 "Post-post update: Olbermann was canned for, once again, not showing up for work."

You're going to milk that for all it's worth, right?

Please?

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at March 30, 2012 02:20 PM (eHIJJ)

25 When you have a 10 million dollar a year contract, you get fired for taking too much vacation??

Fail.


Must've been a really important day, to risk $40 million on.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 02:20 PM (5gtn4)

26 How can I be expected to work during Black History month? That's racist3.

Posted by: Keith Olbermann : Truth at March 30, 2012 02:20 PM (KNvk+)

27 Tebow has had more pu$$y thrown at him than the weekend crew at a drive thru animal shelter.

Posted by: Same Ol' at March 30, 2012 02:21 PM (ETgqz)

28 Tim?  I know, he is one I'll never bed.  ~sigh~

Posted by: Sandra Fluck at March 30, 2012 02:21 PM (LQIyD)

29 Take Mr. Olbermann back, or the Chicken gets it.

Posted by: A Friend at March 30, 2012 02:22 PM (QKKT0)

30 Tebow has had more pu$$y thrown at him than the weekend crew at a drive thru animal shelter

You had me at "drive thru animal shelter"...

Posted by: sad sack (oZfic) at March 30, 2012 02:23 PM (QTHTd)

31 18 Does a refrigerator box have enough room for a cat and a quarterback? Posted by: Miss Precious Perfect at March 30, 2012 07:16 PM (jj2g1)9/i0 If you distribute the pieces right, sure.

Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer at March 30, 2012 02:23 PM (niZvt)

32 off italics

Posted by: Jeffrey Dahmer at March 30, 2012 02:24 PM (niZvt)

33 I'm in line trying to buy some fucking cigs at 711. It's out the door with dumbasses playing the fucking lottery.

Posted by: Mr Pink at March 30, 2012 02:25 PM (XbUNL)

34 18 Does a refrigerator box have enough room for a cat and a quarterback?

Sure, if you don't care about Gaia.  We live in a shoebox, and couldn't be happier about it. 


Except for taco night.

Posted by: One-upping green dorks at March 30, 2012 02:25 PM (6TB1Z)

35 I don't know about the crack, but the gay sex kind of grows on you.

Posted by: Cahrles Jhonson at March 30, 2012 02:26 PM (QKKT0)

36 Here's a version of Keith's future:
http://ricksancheztv.com/schedule.html

Posted by: the new, improved arhooley -- now with 10% more cynicism! at March 30, 2012 02:26 PM (RrzhM)

37 Elliot Spitzer learns that he is the new Olberfuhrerman.

http://preview.tinyurl.com/7k8hk7r

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 30, 2012 02:28 PM (TVvXc)

38 It looks like the movies out this week suck, so Hunger Games will be pulling in some more millions

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 02:28 PM (QTHTd)

39 Paid vacations are a basic human right.
Posted by: Keef Olbermann at March 30, 2012 07:18 PM


------------------------
Cool background graphics are constitutionally guaranteed.

Posted by: the new, improved arhooley -- now with 10% more cynicism! at March 30, 2012 02:29 PM (RrzhM)

40 This has been such a great week, I can't wait till I get home from work so I can rub my yub until it's a nub.

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 30, 2012 02:29 PM (xm1A1)

41 Who does Keith think he is? The First Lady!



First Lady of the United States, Mrs. Piggy Nooner-Obama. [sigh]
<3 <3 <3

Posted by: piggy nooner at March 30, 2012 02:30 PM (6RnvM)

42 Posted by: WalrusRex at March 30, 2012 07:28 PM (TVvXc)

oh my heavens, that's RIGHT! When will the first Hitler Downfall Parody of KO ko'd appear?

Posted by: the new, improved arhooley -- now with 10% more cynicism! at March 30, 2012 02:31 PM (RrzhM)

43 Fans of billowing white dresses take note - The Seven Year Itch is on TCM at 8:00.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 02:33 PM (5gtn4)

44 I prefer the joke the yahoo sports blogger had about tebow when there was a story about how the jets wanted him to live in jersey so he wouldn't be influenced by new York. "really? of all the guys wearing a jets jersey you're worried about tebow? Tim tebow could be in an apartment with a fight club below him and an opium den above him with Charlie sheen and Tara Reid as roommates and in two weeks he'd have the whole floor over to watch little house on the prairie and singing this little light of mine"

Posted by: buzzion at March 30, 2012 02:34 PM (aaQuT)

45 Hey Onion dickheads, could you at ;east spell my name correctly?

Posted by: Hudson Cock at March 30, 2012 02:34 PM (0TdUk)

46 I suspect that Keith Olberman will quietly be checked into a clinic in the next month or two, either for mental illness or drug abuse, or both.

Posted by: Alex at March 30, 2012 02:35 PM (tlK1P)

47
Does a refrigerator box have enough room for a cat and a quarterback?

Posted by: Miss Precious Perfect at March 30, 2012 07:16 PM (jj2g1)






Doubt it. Barely enough for an archeologist.


Posted by: Indiana Jones at March 30, 2012 02:36 PM (tQoT4)

48 Ron: go crawl back under your rock.

Posted by: D. Hopper at March 30, 2012 02:36 PM (do/nJ)

49 Pretty funny. For those of you who hate Onion, maybe give it a look. This particular segment didn't have any liberal sucker punches. Besides, conservatives need to develop thicker skins, anyway.

Posted by: Max Power at March 30, 2012 02:37 PM (q177U)

50
I suspect that Keith Olberman will quietly be checked into a clinic in the next month or two, either for mental illness or drug abuse, or both.

Posted by: Alex at March 30, 2012 07:35 PM (tlK1P)






Is Keefums capable of doing ANYTHING quietly?????


Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 30, 2012 02:37 PM (tQoT4)

51 When you get shitcanned from Al Gore's network---you're lower than whale shit on the bottom of the ocean.  When you get replaced by Eliot "Client No. 9" Spitzer it's priceless!   At least for those of us who knew for a long time that Olberdouche was lower than whale shit anyway.

Posted by: comanche voter at March 30, 2012 02:37 PM (6USwK)

52 They told me to go to work but I said no, no, no.

Posted by: Amy Winehouse is Kieth olberman at March 30, 2012 02:39 PM (TVvXc)

53 Sometimes The Onion gets it right. 

They were the first to call The History Channel The Hitler Channel and that was back when all they did was WWII.


Posted by: Jimbo at March 30, 2012 02:40 PM (O3R/2)

54 "I suspect that Keith Olberman will quietly be checked into a clinic in the next month or two, either for mental illness or drug abuse, or both." Wouldn't it be great if he just stayed there, quietly?

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at March 30, 2012 02:40 PM (R5yLq)

55 Next on Current, it's time to Take It Up the Rear With Eliot Spitzer!

Posted by: WalrusRex at March 30, 2012 02:40 PM (TVvXc)

56 need to see the barbecue pie video in the side bar. I think that is nearly identical to what I imagine a moron meetup would look like; though I do think the moronettes are likely cuter. great job on the pie but they did the lattice wrong. call me next time before you eff a pie up like that.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 30, 2012 02:41 PM (Z9EHQ)

57 Tebow, call me.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 02:41 PM (DGIjM)

58 He has chronic diarrhea ... Do you really want him showing up for work?

Posted by: phoenixgirl at March 30, 2012 02:41 PM (S781/)

59 I am sure keiths lawyer had not spent an afternoon "you can't fire me I quit!" untweet, untweet, untweet, untweet, untweet.

Posted by: yankeefifth at March 30, 2012 02:42 PM (Z9EHQ)

60 Tebow had his ass pierced???

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 02:42 PM (s6QDI)

61 Please quit Tweeting me about Olbermann coming after my job, people. We're past that now.

Posted by: Soledad O'Brien at March 30, 2012 02:43 PM (eHIJJ)

62 Funny that the History Channel is mentioned. It's now the Man's Channel: http://tinyurl.com/7y9zcgb

I'm glad that men *have* a channel, now, but I don't like that the Ice Road Truckers et al. have taken over what should be a ... history channel.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 02:46 PM (QTHTd)

63 I love Tim Tebow. I think the Broncs made a mistake. I also love Peyton Manning but think he should have retired a happy millionaire.

Posted by: ChristyBlinky: ABO 2012 at March 30, 2012 02:47 PM (baL2B)

64 Posted by: buzzion at March 30, 2012 07:34 PM (aaQuT)

That is hilarious.


The Onion article on how the press not being able to figure out how to write about Obama going on a killing spree is one of the funniest, and best, slams on the media I've ever read. 

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 02:49 PM (Gk3SS)

65 I try to avoid the Onion wherever possible.

Dude

Various Deities Still Sorting Through Victims Of Tragic Queens Bus Accident  http://is.gd/xyGTVj

Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?  http://is.gd/RDv1Yi

and Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell  http://is.gd/NaPRZa

and I won't even bring up the OnionTV episode  Should the government be helping schizophrenics?

Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 02:50 PM (GTbGH)

66 Poor, poor Tebow.  There is only one city in the world that will crush him with gold digging whores and cheap thrills, and it is NYC.  

Tim, find yourself a good doctor, a great accountant, and a fucking cutthroat lawyer, bro, 'cause you're gonna need it.

Posted by: Fritz at March 30, 2012 02:50 PM (KWdVT)

67 This asshole has gotten FIRED from two (2) multimillion $$/year gigs in less time than some normal unemployed folks have been able to FIND one (1) job. Screw him. Keith's next job: Hoodie Model in Sanford, Florida...

Posted by: joejm65 at March 30, 2012 02:50 PM (UZuc4)

68 Wow! Formatting? WTF?

Posted by: joejm65 at March 30, 2012 02:51 PM (UZuc4)

69
Behind the scenes at the Onion, IFC canceled the Onion News Network TV show a week or so ago. Pity, I liked it. However, new vids will still be produced for the net.

Also, apparently things at the Onion are a bit chaotic at the moment because they're moving from NYC to Chicago, and most of the staffers and creative team balked at going along.

Posted by: Laurie David's Cervix at March 30, 2012 02:51 PM (kdS6q)

70 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at March 30, 2012 02:52 PM (vd4t0)

71 Breaking: Olbermann is the new White Hispanic House Press Secretary

Posted by: cherry at March 30, 2012 02:52 PM (OhYCU)

72 >>Hijackers Surprised To Find Selves In Hell

Their post-9/11 issue was pretty good.

But they really went downhill after moving from WI to NYC.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 02:52 PM (hO8IJ)

73 Keefums on his Twitter talking about someone else fired by Joel Hyatt:

[/] When @AlGore @JoelHyatt illegally fired someone else, it became a haunting movie. Philadelphia

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY57osd8JGU

"leave me wastin' away, on the streets of Philadelphia .. do do do do do da da daaaa"

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 02:53 PM (Y+DPZ)

74 Freshly Scented Soap To Cleanse Irish    http://is.gd/7WNFb8

DUBLIN, IRELAND—After centuries of suffering, the people of the world will finally have some much-needed relief from the offending filth of the seemingly ubiquitous Irish. The remedy: a new, freshly scented deodorant soap developed specifically with malodorous Irish riff-raff in mind.

Posted by: the sidebar muse at March 30, 2012 02:54 PM (GTbGH)

75 67Poor, poor Tebow. There is only one city in the world that will crush him with gold digging whores and cheap thrills, and it is NYC.
Posted by: Fritz at March 30, 2012 07:50 PM (KWdVT)  Nah. He was a Heisman winner and National Champion at U Florida, where being a football player is the closest thing on Earth to being a God.  He's had every vice imaginable thrown at him since he was a freshman.  NYC will be a piece of cake for him.   

Posted by: joejm65 at March 30, 2012 02:55 PM (UZuc4)

76 "Sometimes The Onion gets it right. " More often than Media Matters from what I've seen. Ok, not that such an accomplishment is really worth bragging about

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at March 30, 2012 02:55 PM (R5yLq)

77 "When @AlGore @JoelHyatt illegally fired someone else, it became a haunting movie. Philadelphia " So whenever Al Gore fires someone they get sent through a portal in time? Oh wait, that's Philadelphia Experiment. My bad. I think he was talking about that Tom Hanks butt pirate movie. Nevermind.

Posted by: StuckOnStupid at March 30, 2012 02:57 PM (R5yLq)

78 Man Has Amazing Ass  http://is.gd/pNmN2t

The empirical grandeur of Holdger's ass, Tashen mayor Wayne Rinaldo said, allows it to be celebrated by people without regard to sexual preference, age, creed or aesthetic inclination.

Posted by: toby928© at March 30, 2012 02:58 PM (GTbGH)

79 Nah. He was a Heisman winner and National Champion at U Florida, where being a football player is the closest thing on Earth to being a God. He's had every vice imaginable thrown at him since he was a freshman. NYC will be a piece of cake for him.


http://youtu.be/HS8qqNnR3aM


This is one of the best Tebow clips. Not only does he handle a very rude question with grace, I love that he pretty much openly laughs at the press.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 03:01 PM (Gk3SS)

80 We are pleased to announce that Commissar Olbermann's "Countdown" will soon be prominently featured on RT's award winning primetime lineup.

Posted by: vladimirputin'soffice at March 30, 2012 03:03 PM (EMtSF)

81 Has Hitler learned of Keef's firing yet?

Posted by: '52 Esquire at March 30, 2012 03:13 PM (KZi9D)

82 >>> We are pleased to announce that Commissar Olbermann's "Countdown" will soon be prominently featured on RT's award winning primetime lineup. You may be right. Or, even Al Jiz may snap him up. And no, I'm not kidding.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 03:15 PM (s6QDI)

83 So now that we've realized she's a White Hispanic, is Sotomayor going to be bumped off the Supreme Court?

Clearly, she only has half the wisdom of a Real Hispanic.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 03:20 PM (a5ljo)

84 It's not funny when someone calls someone else a faggot. It's mean and vicious and causes problems for actual homosexuals. Unless the guy being called a faggot is a good natured self professed Christian. Then it's hilarious.

Posted by: Cackfinger at March 30, 2012 04:00 PM (CCHli)

85 This why I don't care when THEY start doing their outraged dance.

Posted by: Cackfinger at March 30, 2012 04:01 PM (CCHli)

86 I saw a caption on Fox news that said Olbermann was a "Former Current TV Anchor" and I found that amusing.  It's like, make up your mind.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 30, 2012 04:13 PM (i0App)

87 I saw a caption on Fox news that said Olbermann was a "Former Current TV Anchor" and I found that amusing. It's like, make up your mind. http://www.oakleysunglassesuk.net/

Posted by: oakley sunglasses cheap at March 30, 2012 04:33 PM (Y5LiK)

88 saw a caption on Fox news that said Olbermann was a "Former Current TV Anchor" and I found that amusing. It's like, make up your mind. http://www.oakleylunettesfr.com

Posted by: lunette oakley at March 30, 2012 04:34 PM (Y5LiK)

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