March 30, 2016

The Hateful Eight: The Best Fan-Film Tribute to John Carpenter's The Thing In Years
— Ace

Pointless and contrived, and filled with Tarantino's usual tics of hyperviolence, overly-long drawn-out takes, people who always talk like they're imitating black gangster movies set in 1990s Compton, and flashing backwards in time.

But still, not too bad. It holds your interest. It's nice to see a movie try something a little different.

It doesn't wear out its welcome, but it does remind you of why Quentin Tarantino annoys you so much.

He never says in three words what he can say in twelve -- or, I should say, he takes his mosey-ass time to type up his repetitive-ass words and throws in some cursing for "grit."

There is no adjective, it seems, that cannot be improved by appending "-ass" to it and some profanity garland. Especially when he's putting words in Samuel L. Jackson's mouth.

Why say "broken door" when you can say "crazy-ass broke-ass door?"

Why say "I'll kill you dead" when you can say, "Shit, I'll kill your cracker-ass ass dead as dead-ass roadkill"?

It's kind of racist, to be honest.

I didn't feel #Safe at times.

This movie #microaggressed me.

The characters are very thinly drawn. If you saw the trailer, you know each is identified by a tagline -- The Hangman, The... Actual Hangman,* The Bounty Hunter, The Cowboy, The General -- and that's pretty much all there is to them.

Oh, except they're all bad-asses, pretty much.

The actors (not really the characters, just actors delivering written lines) spend a lot of awkward time telling each other their stories, all about how bad-ass they all are and how many Dark and Gritty things they've done in the past.

It's sort of like Con Air, except, instead of just telling us quickly that Diamond Dog is a black revolutionary and a murderer, you have Walt Goggins yap for six or seven minutes telling us in detail about his various exploits.

There is one additional point of interest:

It's a straight-up remake of John Carpenter's The Thing, and no, I'm not kidding. It's a straight-up remake.

Okay, no a remake, but a very close-trailing tribute.

From the opening scenes of winter desolation, to the Ennio Morricone score (which sounds a bit more like his score for The Untouchables than The Thing, but you can still feel a Thing-ish mood to the score**), to the pressure-cooker situation of eight men (plus one woman) trapped in a claustrophobic space while a blizzard wails outside, to -- and I can't believe it took me this long to realize this -- Kurt Russell in a primary role -- this movie is, I'm not kidding you, The Thing with a change of genre (sci-fi suspense to Western-ish suspense), time (1983 to 1883 or so), and place (swap out Antarctica for Wyoming).

The plot is Find the Hidden Traitor(s) -- someone in this confined space is not who they say they are, and that person -- that thing that lurks among us -- may strike at any moment.

In fact, Kurt Russell himself even delivers the line, almost straight from The Thing, "One person here isn't who they say they are... it might even be two people."

There's a somewhat minor thing -- the ropelines away from the complex to its outbuildings. The literal lines of rope. These are present in The Thing, and directly referenced when one guy says "I cut him loose... I cut him loose on the rope-line." Though you might not realize they're important in the movie. The book version mentions them more.

In The Hateful Eight, you see them putting in the ropelines from the main building to the stable and from the main building to the outhouse.

That's a kind of minor thing, but a Thing fan recognizes another Thing fan.

And there are more direct and obvious swipes from -- or tributes to -- The Thing, but I don't want to get into spoiler territory. Let's just say there is a Biological Gross-Out sequence that occurs at about the same point in the movie, at the climax of maximum violence. The "you've got to be f***ing kidding me" moment.

There is a swipe from The Thing's best human moment, the moment two guys who are not fans of each other unite because they realize, whatever differences they might have, they are now each other the only ones they trust.

And sure, there's a direct analogue of the couch scene, the scene where we're gonna find out who You Things are, and separate you from the ones we can trust.

No blood test, though.

And there's a last shot which is... well.

Trust me, it's The Thing.

So: Hyperviolent (to deliberate gross-out excess), a lot of thoughtless profanity where not needed, a really weird sense that it's Quentin Tarantino's crazy-ass cracker-ass jive idea that somehow this movie is going to unite the races and bring about racial harmony and understanding --yeah, the movie gives off the feel that it thinks it's delivering some kind of healing-ass message for our racially-divided-ass nation 'n shit-- but, on the other hand, a fair amount of suspense that keeps your interest, if not your actual admiration.

And then weirdly -- a straight-up rip-off of The Thing. So that you're sittin' there on your couch-sittin'-ass thinkin' "Man, does this crazy-ass cracker-ass cracker who wishes he was black think he's some kind of John Carpenter 'n shit? Sheeeet, Holmes. That's six different-ass shades of f**ked up!"

It's a strange movie. I kind of don't like the movie, but I was only bored for a few of the show-offy long takes in the beginning, and it doesn't feel like a three hour movie.

* See, one guy is called The Hangman, because he always brings his bounties in to be hanged instead of just shooting them and bringing in their dead bodies (and never gives a good reason for this; he might have just said "Because Quentin Tarantino thought it sounded cool and bad-ass"), but another guy is an actual working Hangman for the town, so, you have one guy called The Hangman, and another actual Hangman. Kind of weird but whatever.


** It's more than a Thing-ish feel to the music -- I just saw online that someone says that Hateful Eight used some of the unused score Morricone wrote for The Thing. Morricone complained that Carpenter had only used one of his pieces of music (in fact, he said, as soon as he wrote that piece, he knew Carpenter would use only, that one, because it's the sort of simple, ominous thing Carpenter would write himself). He was disappointed that the other themes he'd written for the movie were never used in the movie at all, and can only be heard on Special Edition DVDs where you can hear some it in a special menu selection.

Well, apparently, Tarantino's love of The Thing spurred him to resurrect this (virtually) unheard Morricone music.


Bonus similarity to The Thing: The Thing had a credit "Special Make-Up Effects by Rob Bottin." This movie has "Special Make-Up Effects by John Dykstra," and I'll bet you any amount of money he wanted Rob Bottin for his Thing tribute, but for whatever reason, had to settle for Dykstra.

Posted by: Ace at 07:36 AM | Comments (307)
Post contains 1229 words, total size 7 kb.

1 But were there flamethrowers?

Posted by: Insomniac at March 30, 2016 07:37 AM (0mRoj)

2 Meh. Check out The Obama Deception instead. You will be shocked,,, at how prescient it was and especially how much you haters would agree with. Bye for now. Work, it beckons again.

Posted by: teej at March 30, 2016 07:39 AM (E9vLe)

3 Watch "Kung Fury" instead. It's free on YouTube.

Posted by: OCBill at March 30, 2016 07:39 AM (DFBSk)

4 I ain't seen this jive-ass movie yet.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 30, 2016 07:40 AM (LA7Cm)

5 I'm interested, both in the movie and in this review, but I'm worried that reading the review will spoil the movie.

Will it?

Posted by: Kensington at March 30, 2016 07:40 AM (7Kbxu)

6 I think Bottin is retired. Hasn't worked since the '90s. CGI puts a crimp in the practical effects biz.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (7zeA4)

7 I honored the wishes of law enforcement and boycotted Tarantino.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (MSiSP)

8 Great review. All things being equal I would rather watch the thing. The rope line deal maybe be a Thing rip off only in that both films are set in a howling blizzard. People have gotten lost and disoriented right outside their doors before Anyhow. Great review. Nice change of pace. Where is Jennifer Jason Leigh in the Thing tho?

Posted by: ThunderB at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (zOTsN)

9 Well the The Thing did have James Arness staring in it so it was kinda Westernish. 


Marshall Dillon Marshal Dillon, the're hanging a Thing down that alley!

Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (vvmPQ)

10 TL;DR: Ass, you ass-monkeys, but keep eating that popcorn-ass.

Posted by: Bigby's Punch Bug Blue at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (3ZtZW)

11 I'll pass and Tarantino's shtick over the years bores me. Like comedians who take their act way over the blue line, it becomes boring and tedious and I'm no prude.

Posted by: Cheri at March 30, 2016 07:41 AM (oiNtH)

12 Kensington-- I wouldn't think so, though it made me reconsider whether I want to spend 3 hours watching a QT movie. (Usually, I don't. I barely made it through "Basterds".) He does make some analogies with "The Thing", though, but elides enough details to where I don't feel spoiled.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 07:42 AM (7zeA4)

13 I have a preference for ,Beach Blanket Bingo.

Posted by: Gene Kelly at March 30, 2016 07:43 AM (xZc4z)

14 Nothing on Earth beats an Ace movie review. Not even bacon.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 07:43 AM (Agn5J)

15 I'm tired of these mother fucking comments on the mother fucking blog Wrong filmmaker?

Posted by: ThunderB at March 30, 2016 07:43 AM (zOTsN)

16 Like others I'm not spending a nickel on Tarantino. Having said that, it H8 is on someone else's TV I might watch it for five minutes or so, until the really graphic violence barges in (which it always does in Tarantino flicks).

Posted by: MTF at March 30, 2016 07:44 AM (/m8T6)

17 Always love Ace Goes to the Movies!


I watched this hungover on a Saturday morning on that website that gives....er.... really long clips of movies? Anyway, this movie went on so long I was loaded again by the the time the credits rolled....

Now that I think of it, that might be more of an indictment of me than this movie....

Oh well, that's how Upstate NY morons roll.....

Posted by: Dirty Randy at March 30, 2016 07:44 AM (jjaLl)

18 I'm interested, both in the movie and in this review, but I'm worried that reading the review will spoil the movie.

Kinda think it might be the other way around.

Posted by: Joe Bob at March 30, 2016 07:44 AM (6TWF2)

19 There is no adjective, it seems, that cannot be improved by appending "-ass" to it and some profanity garland. ********* Profanity garland. Ha! Back to reading the rest.

Posted by: Unfettered Power at March 30, 2016 07:44 AM (mcm0N)

20 It got Willowed but the MU law poll leaked early Bradley up 5 on Kloppy - 41-36 Cruz up on Trump and Kasuch - 40-30-21 Feingold up on Johnson by 3. This is all pre debate, lewandowski and Trump attacking walker in his home state.

Posted by: H Badger at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (n/0Nw)

21 Trying to get my husband to watch Night Crawler with Jake Gjillenhaalllll

Posted by: ThunderB at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (zOTsN)

22 15 I'm tired of these mother fucking comments on the mother fucking blog Wrong filmmaker? Posted by: ThunderB at March 30, 2016 12:43 PM (zOTsN --------------------------------------------------- I think you're supposed to shoot someone after those words, right? Or hit them with a hammer or something.

Posted by: MTF at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (/m8T6)

23 Can we expect a remake of 'Gunsmoke'?

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (9mTYi)

24 Netflix put out all their new seasons. I made it through House of Cards and I'm going through Daredevil right now. I was disappointed with season 3 of House of Cards, and I'm disappointed with Season 4 as well. Plotting to maintain the presidency just doesn't seem as compelling as the plotting you have to do to get there in the first place. There's also the problem that nobody in the show seems like a match for Frank Underwood. It's painfully obvious that he's the most psychopathic character (though Claire comes close). The show really needed somebody to be able to beat him at his own game, at least for a little while. I thought they were going to do that with the Russian PM in season 3, with the way they introduced him, but that didn't end up going anywhere. Season 4 was weird, because I'd heard somewhere (or gotten it into my head) that it was supposed to be the last season, and well... it isn't. Maybe that's why it felt like this season dragged, and not enough happened. Daredevil season 2 is amazing so far. I'm only 4 episodes in, and the guy who plays the Punisher (Shane from The Walking Dead) completely steals the show.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (KUaJL)

25 There. You wrote an entire article and you didn't piss me off once. That wasn't so hard, was it?

Posted by: jwest at March 30, 2016 07:45 AM (Zs4uk)

26 Is there a volcano in this film??

Posted by: dantesed at March 30, 2016 07:46 AM (88xKn)

27 They are always lecturing people on misogyny and violence towards women, but a running joke thru out the film is the female lead gettng punched repeatedly in the face.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 07:46 AM (iQIUe)

28 You wrote an entire article and you didn't piss me off once.

That wasn't so hard, was it?


No, it isn't.  Even I can do it.  Here goes - "the".

Posted by: Joe Bob at March 30, 2016 07:47 AM (6TWF2)

29 I like quite a few Tarantino movies but this one not so much. It just seemed so exhaustingly long and dragged out.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt Sanity Prod (tm) at March 30, 2016 07:47 AM (RkYsP)

30 QT is a tiresome, pretentious douche, yes. But man, if you drink a botle of Delsym cough syrup and then watch the two Kill Bill movies back to back, I guarantee you that you'll believe he's the greatest director who ever lived. Or so I am told.

Posted by: Sharkman at March 30, 2016 07:47 AM (QWtgr)

31 Why doesn't else tell me what The Thing is!!!!!

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 07:48 AM (lNK80)

32 I think Bottin is retired. Hasn't worked since the '90s. CGI puts a crimp in the practical effects biz. Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 12:41 PM (7zeA4) In some ways, The Thing is really Bottin's masterpiece, not Carpenter's. So much so that Bottin basically worked himself nearly to death, he ended up in the hospital from exhaustion and Carpenter had to bring in Stan Winston for a few shots (the Thing-dog in the kennel scene, if memory serves). I suspect that Bottin decided afterwards that the movie business wasn't important enough to die for. Either that or in typical Hollywood fashion he drowned himself in drugs and alcohol. Which would be a shame, because judging by the interviews on the DVD extras, he seems like a really nice guy with a boyish enthusiasm for film.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at March 30, 2016 07:48 AM (ur5uN)

33 Is there a volcano in this film?? Posted by: dantesed at March 30, 2016 12:46 PM Yes. Cameo by Brian Dennehey

Posted by: AltonJackson at March 30, 2016 07:48 AM (ZQfW9)

34 "Can we expect a remake of 'Gunsmoke'?" God I hope not. Marshall Dillon will have to be gay. Miss Kitty will have to have been a "he" before becoming a she. Chester will be a pot-head. Doc Adams would be an abortionist.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 30, 2016 07:48 AM (LA7Cm)

35 Tarantino's best work by far is True Romance. Maybe because he just wrote it and didn't direct it.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 30, 2016 07:49 AM (MSiSP)

36 Maybe Jackson ad live and uses "ass" like a comma or something. Although--forget it--he doesn't talk like that in other movies.

Posted by: Unfettered Power at March 30, 2016 07:49 AM (mcm0N)

37 Daredevil season 2 is amazing so far. I'm only 4 episodes in, and the guy who plays the Punisher (Shane from The Walking Dead) completely steals the show. That he does.

Posted by: Insomniac at March 30, 2016 07:49 AM (0mRoj)

38 Can we expect a remake of 'Gunsmoke'? Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 12:45 PM (9mTYi) ---- Surprised it hasnt been done already.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 07:49 AM (8XRCm)

39 Wait - Benjamin Grimm had his own movie? I thought there were just the two unwatchable Fantastic 4 movies. Like the first one, where Captain America played Johnny Storm. I mean, Cap doesn't catch on fire. That's stupid.

Posted by: blaster at March 30, 2016 07:49 AM (sKoAw)

40 After Quentin Tarantino's repulsive, ignorant, embarrassing and all-around sickening anti-white rants after he was "challenged" by BLM, I have written him off completely as an artiste and a human being. Either he was sincere in his anti-white racism, in which case he is sui-genocidal, racist and mentally ill, or he was insincere in his anti-white racism, in which case he is a disgusting craven "progressive" who kowtows to the Frankenstien's Monster of Identity Politics that they have created. Basically, I just hate him, now, and will therefore boycott all his films, past, present and future.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (jBuUi)

41 "Kill Bill movies" Probably the last two Tarantino films I liked.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (LA7Cm)

42 OMG Ace is right. It's tarantino's version of The Thing.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (kkOK3)

43 Daredevil season 2 is amazing so far. I'm only 4 episodes in, and the guy who plays the Punisher (Shane from The Walking Dead) completely steals the show. Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 12:45 PM (KUaJL) =========== yeah, shane is great. My only criticism is that visually it is too dark. I want to be able to see easily what is going on. I liked that Frank and Claire have declared war on jihad. Hope he goes bad shit crazy on them but I'm sure the pc crowd will screw it up.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (iQIUe)

44 You know what they call The Thing in France?

'La chose'


Posted by: Jules at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (YQZ75)

45 32- Illtemperedcur-- This is true; I sort of wonder if maybe he decided to get out of the FX biz and try other things but didn't make it. Or just get out of The Biz all together.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (7zeA4)

46 Can we just stop with Samuel L. Jackson already. I have more talent in my dick.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (gA69l)

47 Also (assuming the leaked poll is correct) Head to head in Nov. Trump down 11 to Hillary Cruz tied with Hillary

Posted by: H Badger at March 30, 2016 07:50 AM (n/0Nw)

48 I like the part where Sam Jackson goes, "Jive-ass, motherfucker, do you speak it?"

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt Sanity Prod (tm) at March 30, 2016 07:51 AM (RkYsP)

49 Movie Sign!

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 07:51 AM (MvFEq)

50 CGI puts a crimp in the practical effects biz. Could make for a song ...

Posted by: Trevor Horn at March 30, 2016 07:51 AM (2WoCi)

51 They are always lecturing people on misogyny and violence towards women, but a running joke thru out the film is the female lead gettng punched repeatedly in the face. Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 12:46 PM (iQIUe) ________________________________ Dude,, I know how that is....

Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 07:51 AM (HSmrB)

52 Tarantino is incapable of doing anything original.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (u0kqM)

53 11 I'll pass and Tarantino's shtick over the years bores me. Like comedians who take their act way over the blue line, it becomes boring and tedious and I'm no prude. Posted by: Cheri at March 30, 2016 12:41 PM (oiNtH) Been waiting for something as good as pulp fiction from tarantino for a while; stopped waiting after Inglorious Basterds. Couldn't get past 30 min of Django (free on Netflix). If there is a must see Tarantino film in the future, I'm sure I'll be told about it.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (SwXTE)

54 Chester will be a pot-head. Doc Adams would be an abortionist. Posted by: Ricardo Kill --------------- Yeah, and Miss Kitty's bathrooms will have to be unisex... and ADA compliant, because Chester. Also, the DoJ will be constantly investigating Matt Dillon, on account of all the shootings.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (9mTYi)

55 "I honored the wishes of law enforcement and boycotted Tarantino." Q gave a badly-timed endorsement of BLM here in NYC, right after an NYPD had been shot and killed. Q had already committed to attend the event before this killing, and I suppose, had also committed to the obligatory denunciation of police as being "murderers." I suspect that Q committed to this event over fears that had he not, BLM would have been on his mother f*ckin white cracker ass for use of the n-word in Hateful Eight.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (r1fLd)

56 Posted by: H Badger at March 30, 2016 12:45 PM (n/0Nw) ----- **waves hand** This is not the thread you are looking for

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (8XRCm)

57 >> I like the part where Sam Jackson goes, "Jive-ass, motherfucker, do you speak it?" You are thinking of Morgan Freeman.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (MvFEq)

58 There is not nearly enough scrolling in this review and it provides nothing below the fold. When can we expect part 2?

Posted by: Damiano at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (XItbt)

59 From the opening scenes of winter desolation, to the Ennio Morricone score (which sounds a bit more like his score for The Untouchables than The Thing, but you can still feel a Thing-ish mood to the score**) Yes. There was an overture and an intermission in the the 70mm Roadshow. Packed theater for those. The people next to me I chatted with about movies, and they were well-versed in cinema as you might expect. I am pretty sure IMAX is a better format than 70mm, but I really appreciate the effort Tarantino put into this.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 30, 2016 07:52 AM (VdICR)

60 Archer starts tomorrow night. That's entertainment.

Posted by: jsg at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (gs8be)

61 44 You know what they call The Thing in France? 'La chose' Posted by: Jules at March 30, 2016 12:50 PM (YQZ75) ========== And they call D Day, J Jour.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (iQIUe)

62 So there's a group of guys with a traitor in their midst. So it's a remake of Reservoir Dogs, too?

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (gA69l)

63 I liked Samuel Jackson in "Kingsman," especially at the moment when the villain usually gives a long speech of his plot to the agent he's going to kill:

"This ain't that kind of movie, bruv."
*bang*

Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (NOIQH)

64 It's kind of amazing how long directors can coast in Whoreywood without coming up with an original idea...for years Tarantino Tim Burton Robt. Rodriguez on and on and they wonder why TV series (looking at you Better Call Saul are kicking their #lame-ass ass-cracka'-asses

Posted by: Hillarity -> at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (dBmVV)

65 Yeah, and Miss Kitty's bathrooms will have to be unisex... and ADA compliant, because Chester. Also, the DoJ will be constantly investigating Matt Dillon, on account of all the shootings. Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 12:52 PM (9mTYi) ----- Kittys Saloon will need to be a cannabis dispensary.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (8XRCm)

66 31 Why doesn't else tell me what The Thing is!!!!! Thing is syntax doesn't else tell me sentence!!!!!

Posted by: Bat Chain Puller at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (SCcgT)

67 Can we just stop with Samuel L. Jackson already. I have more talent in my dick. Posted by: Wyatt Earp ----------------- Ah. The fabled 'Buntline Special'

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (9mTYi)

68 I don't get the Tarantino thing. May be because I have a vajayjay

Posted by: NCKate at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (BSM4p)

69 yeah, shane is great. My only criticism is that visually it is too dark. I want to be able to see easily what is going on. --- Yeah, I noticed this too. I tend to watch the episodes in the evenings, and I found myself turning off all the lights so that I could see what was going on.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 07:53 AM (KUaJL)

70 OCBill, my husband didn't grow up on bad 80s movies, so he didn't laugh as hard as I did for Kung Fury. I thought it was brilliant.

Posted by: pookysgirl at March 30, 2016 07:54 AM (RIOu8)

71 Ah. The fabled 'Buntline Special' Doesn't reload as fast anymore.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 07:54 AM (gA69l)

72 Watch "Kung Fury" instead. It's free on YouTube. And short. Well worth the thirty minutes. I just saw it last week.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at March 30, 2016 07:54 AM (2lndx)

73 46 Can we just stop with Samuel L. Jackson already. I have more talent in my dick. Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 12:50 PM (gA69l) SLJ jumped the shark when he got eaten by the shark in Deep Blue Sea while screaming about the deadliness of ice. And science. Ironic.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 07:54 AM (SwXTE)

74 >> I don't get the Tarantino thing. What is to get? He's a one trick pony.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (MvFEq)

75 I have more talent in my dick.

May be because I have a vajayjay




Oh yes. This thread shows great potential.

Posted by: Mortimer[/i] [/b] at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (YQZ75)

76 SLJ jumped the shark when he got eaten by the shark in Deep Blue Sea while screaming about the deadliness of ice. And science. Snakes On A Plane didn't do him any favors, either.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (gA69l)

77 The original Thing ("Watch The Skies!") From Another Planet, Howard Hawks directing, is good even without the monster, who by the way is a gay Marshall Dillon. The dialogue just snaps (right up until the screaming starts), strong knock-em-dead female character who can give and take right along with the fellas, smart guys joshing with each other, and, Thermite.

Just the gang of kids you'd want to go to the Arctic with.

I know people like that.
How come they're never in broke-ass movies anymore?

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (xq1UY)

78 You are thinking of Morgan Freeman. I'm pretty sure that was Brian Dennehy.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (2lndx)

79 I just watched the trailer. Looks interesting, I may give it a shot when it gets in the $5 bin at Walmart if its in WS and Bluray.


Trailer


http://tinyurl.com/hu4csjv

Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (vvmPQ)

80 46 Can we just stop with Samuel L. Jackson already. I have more talent in my dick.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 12:50 PM (gA69l)



uh...

Posted by: The General's Son at March 30, 2016 07:55 AM (8aOqE)

81 >>I don't get the Tarantino thing. May be because I have a vajayjay

Same here. His movies are not my cup of tea.
The funniest Tarantino thing I've seen is this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSV35A1cQDM


Posted by: Lizzy [/i] at March 30, 2016 07:56 AM (NOIQH)

82 I decided after Inglorious Basterds to never watch another Tarantino movie again. That film wasn't terrible, it was just too ... Tarantino. The man desperately needs an editor, he has too much of him in the film. And like you said, the actors aren't so much acting as saying his lines. And he thinks he's a far better writer than he really is. Plus, he's an idiot.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 07:56 AM (39g3+)

83 First, we're gonna seal off this... AAAAAA! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yMwmqp3GLMc

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 07:56 AM (SwXTE)

84 Halfway through Daredevil season 2, I turned up 'backlight' on my monitor. It made a world of difference. I left brightness and contrast alone. The show isn't supposed to look like Blade 2.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 30, 2016 07:56 AM (VdICR)

85 The Thing is on my all time top 10 list. I'm all done with Tarantino. He peaked with Reservoir Dogs.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 30, 2016 07:56 AM (/tuJf)

86 I had much the same reaction to the movie. Not the part about spotting all the references to "The Thing"; didn't pick up on that at all. I might have to rewatch it just to look for all that.

But, the part about the movie keeping me occupied for 3 hours, but not really liking it when it was over. Actually, I felt annoyed about its lack of substance. But it was inconsequential in an icky kind of entertaining way.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 30, 2016 07:57 AM (R+30W)

87 Oh, and I loved the 1980s version of "The Thing." I didn't see it when it first came out in theaters, but when I did eventually see it, with my much younger and less jaded eyes, the special effects blew my mind and were terrifying -- like when The Things touches a spider and then a human head, and so becomes a gigantic spider with a human head as its "body." Etc. By now, though, if I re-watched it, I would probably laugh at all the campy '80s special effects.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 07:57 AM (jBuUi)

88 So not only it is an homage, it's a scene by scene reproduction. Sounds like how White House Down was almost scene by scene recreation of Die Hard... First you stopped bothering changing the title and characters of the story, now even the visual story is copied verbatim You've stopped being inspired and have become mimeograph machines. You modern people are crap...

Posted by: Cecil B DeMille at March 30, 2016 07:57 AM (12kBq)

89 After Quentin's 'F the Police' moment, this movie never stood a chance at the box office, thankfully.

Kind of dislike the fact that anyone went to see this dick's movie. Shame, Ace.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (2PHKP)

90 Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 12:51 PM (HSmrB) Please take your meds already.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (u0kqM)

91 Tarantino should have studied other movies besides the Hong Kong Kung-fu flicks with the poor dubbing when he worked at the video store.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (harh/)

92 Are their snow-goggles, road flares and lots of explosions?

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (DL2i+)

93 Yeah! An Ace movie review. Love "The Thing", but I don't know if it needed to be stretched out to 3 hours. Last Tarantino flick I saw was "Death Proof" and it was a horrible, unwatchable mess.

Posted by: Darth Randall at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (6n332)

94 "I decided after Inglorious Basterds.." For me you are spot on, CT. The actors didn't care why they were there, why should I. Watched and never really cared about any of it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (LA7Cm)

95 Doesn't reload as fast anymore. Posted by: Wyatt Earp ------------ S'ok. As long as it still shoots.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (9mTYi)

96 You didn't like Jackson in Black Snake Moan? That movie was fantasy porn for BLM. Wasn't a Tarantino movie but felt like one.

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 30, 2016 07:58 AM (MSiSP)

97 oops , off with the #socka-ass-sock

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 07:59 AM (dBmVV)

98 Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 12:45 PM (KUaJL) Did you watch The Returned? Wife was into that and finished the first season last night. Cliffhanger! ....and then I looked it up. So's you know - it's pretty good but it wasn't picked up for a second season. It's based on a French series, so she'll probly hafta watch that instead. Spoiler? No, a warning.

Posted by: Bigby's Punch Bug Blue at March 30, 2016 07:59 AM (3ZtZW)

99 "Tarantino's best work by far is True Romance." If it weren't for James Gandolfini getting a great small role in TR we wouldn't have had Tony Soprano.

Posted by: Ignoramus at March 30, 2016 07:59 AM (r1fLd)

100 Speaking of movies, anybody remember how scared shitless you were when you first saw Alien? I was in high school, and that movie scared me to the core. Classic flick.

Posted by: Sharkman at March 30, 2016 07:59 AM (QWtgr)

101 For me you are spot on, CT. The actors didn't care why they were there, why should I. Watched and never really cared about any of it. Posted by: Ricardo Kill ----------- No way to sugarcoat it, it sucked.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (9mTYi)

102 Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 12:51 PM (HSmrB) ----- slap slap slap slap slapslapslap slap

Posted by: Zombie Michelle Fields Severed Arm at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (8XRCm)

103 Good gosh Dykstra has more talent than being roped into a Tarantino movie. Unless his daughter, part of Heroes of Cosplay, needed new gadgets to compete so had to raise money somehow.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (harh/)

104 96 You didn't like Jackson in Black Snake Moan? That movie was fantasy porn for BLM. Wasn't a Tarantino movie but felt like one. Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck God, that movie was heinous. Absolutely the most racist movie I think I've ever seen, and heck I once watched "Birth of a Nation" in film class.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (jBuUi)

105 DoJ will be constantly investigating Matt Dillon, on account of all the shootings

SHOT?
Or killed?
--one line that pothead delivered as well as the Duke did

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (xq1UY)

106 90 Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 12:51 PM (HSmrB) Please take your meds already. Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 12:58 PM (u0kqM) I would, but I can't move my arm! Wanna know why?!?!

Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (SwXTE)

107 >> I like the part where Sam Jackson goes, "Jive-ass, motherfucker, do you speak it?" You are thinking of Morgan Freeman. Laurence Fishburne?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (8ZskC)

108 "Tarantino's best work by far is True Romance." Because Ridley Scott directed it. But yes, True Romance, for me, is a near-perfect film. Brad Pitt steals the movie.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (kFnmp)

109 I liked that Frank and Claire have declared war on jihad. Hope he goes bad shit crazy on them but I'm sure the pc crowd will screw it up. Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 12:50 PM (iQIUe) -------------- Claire has become scarier than Frank.

Posted by: Soona at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (Fmupd)

110 The eggplant scene in True Romance is one of my favorite movie scenes ever. Dennis Hopper was the best.

Posted by: Sharkman at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (QWtgr)

111 The Hangman, and another actual Hangman. Kind of weird but whatever.

Other Dave, Proper Dave from Doctor Who?

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (DL2i+)

112 >>>"Tarantino's best work by far is True Romance." he didn't direct that; it was tony scott. and I hear that tony scott took his out-of-chronological-order script and just put it into chronological order.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 08:00 AM (dciA+)

113 I think it was Webster what got eaten by a shark...paving the way for a sequel because the shark was still hungry.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 08:01 AM (dBmVV)

114 I like the part where Sam Jackson goes, "Jive-ass, motherfucker, do you speak it?" You are thinking of Morgan Freeman. Laurence Fishburne? Wilford Brimley.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:01 AM (kFnmp)

115 I do love me some Walton Goggins though. Almost as much as his dentist does.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt Sanity Prod (tm) at March 30, 2016 08:01 AM (RkYsP)

116 Too bad Tarantino couldn't work in a head-crab somehow. That would have been pretty cool.

Posted by: joncelli, Bridge Troll and Crossbow Afficianado at March 30, 2016 08:01 AM (nIGPZ)

117 Last Tarantino flick I saw was "Death Proof" and it was a horrible, unwatchable mess. Death Proof was great when it was part of Grindhouse. Likely because it was thirty minutes shorter. Like someone said upthread, dude needs an editor.

Posted by: Stephen Price Blair at March 30, 2016 08:02 AM (2lndx)

118 The Thing is on my all time top 10 list. I'm all done with Tarantino. He peaked with Reservoir Dogs. agreed on both points

Posted by: brak at March 30, 2016 08:02 AM (MJuTN)

119 Posted by: Bigby's Punch Bug Blue at March 30, 2016 12:59 PM (3ZtZW) I did not. Might take a look. If I know it isn't going to be resolved, that probably won't be as bad as some of the shows I've started watching, gotten to the end, and checked when the next season came out, only to be disappointed that there wasn't going to be one.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 08:03 AM (KUaJL)

120 Morgan Freeman, Laurence Fishburne, and Samuel Jackson walk into a bar...

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 08:03 AM (iQIUe)

121 *waits for ace's BvS review* No. Really. I am very curious to see what ace's take on it is. I saw it the other night and honestly liked it. Yeah, it has big flaws and yeah it's not the "correct", typical superhero movie. Yeah, it has all the stuff people bitch about from Snyder. I went into it expecting it to be horrible and came out feeling like I saw something different, not horrible, and had several moments that were really good (in a dark, violent, Snyder- like way). If you go into it looking for another Batman or Superman movie or you're looking for it to be absolutely true to the comics or established characters, you'll probably be disappointed. For me, I liked seeing something that was someon different for a change. The main thing I disliked is that you can't got for 2 minutes in 2.5 hours without some kind of set up for the next movie or cameo that only comic nerds will understand then complain about how "incorrect" it was. Fine, I get that this is intended to be part of a massive series and universe but I should not have to wait for the next 5 years to feel like I watched a movie.

Posted by: Damiano at March 30, 2016 08:03 AM (XItbt)

122 I like Samuel Jackson best when he's demanding to know what's in my wallet.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 08:04 AM (8ZskC)

123 He stole for Resevoir Dogs (which was garbage) He stole for Pulp Fiction (which was good but woven together by his partner) Can anyone name a movie he hasn't had to steal material for? Even stealing he misses way more than he hits. His movies suck and he's an unstable sleaze.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:04 AM (u0kqM)

124 Morgan Freeman as Sheik Ildarin?
Lawrence Fishburn as Morpheus?
Samuel Jackson as Mace Windu?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:04 AM (harh/)

125 One thing I did find out about this movie looking it up on IMDB, it was obviously made by High School amateurs.  The list of plain sight goofs in it was a mile long.

Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at March 30, 2016 08:04 AM (vvmPQ)

126 122 I like Samuel Jackson best when he's demanding to know what's in my wallet.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 01:04 PM (8ZskC)



LOL! 

Posted by: Dirty Randy at March 30, 2016 08:04 AM (jjaLl)

127 By now, though, if I re-watched it, I would probably laugh at all the campy '80s special effects. They actually hold up really well. And its still deeply freaky.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:05 AM (39g3+)

128 Sam Jackson
You are thinking of Morgan Freeman.
Laurence Fishburne?

Wilford Brimley.

Clarence Linden "Buster" Crabbe.

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (xq1UY)

129 The plot is Find the Hidden Traitor(s) -- someone in this confined space is not who they say they are, and that person -- that thing that lurks among us -- may strike at any moment. ****** Pshaw. Like THAT has never been done before.

Posted by: Agatha Christie at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (NeFrd)

130 I liked Gary Oldman in True Romance. Great scene .

Posted by: Joe Hallenbeck at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (MSiSP)

131 No, Morgan Freeman was the guy who played Cowboy Curtis on Pee-Wee's Playhouse.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt Sanity Prod (tm) at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (RkYsP)

132 Morgan Freeman, Laurence Fishburne, and Samuel Jackson walk into a bar... Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 01:03 PM (iQIUe) Was Denzel Washington sick?

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (8ZskC)

133 Tarantino does two things well, and even though I'll never give the prick another dime, he does deserve compliments for his great ability to pick talent (Travolta, Russell, Leigh, Jackson, the never-before-known Christopher Waltz, little known Gary Oldman in True Romance, Hopper, Gandolfini, Chris Penn, Walken, Carradine, etc.)

The guy know great actors for his roles.

Second, he can write dialog that's actually interesting. Sure, he can be wordy, but some of his monologues are now classic, like the table scene from Reservoir Dogs. There are so many, it's hard to count.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (2PHKP)

134 re: The Thing. Either watch the original black+white movie or go back to the font of it all Who Goes There? published in 1938.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:06 AM (harh/)

135 Whoops sorry about posting the poll stuff here

Posted by: H Badger at March 30, 2016 08:07 AM (dM8fM)

136 I don't think that reviewing BvS is Ace's style.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 30, 2016 08:07 AM (VdICR)

137 Morgan Freeman, Laurence Fishburne, and Samuel Jackson walk into a bar... Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! Those three are endlessly referenced as "the black actors." I'm probably the only person whose favorite black actor was instead Brock Peters. That's because he was an actual actor, who acted parts and "become his role," and wasn't instead a celebrity who basically just plays sort version of himself in every role, regardless of what the script it (as Freeman, Fishbourne and Jackson do). Check out Brock Peters' early work for some great acting, even if he was almost always in supporting roles.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:07 AM (jBuUi)

138 Buster? I nearly killed her.

Posted by: Disembodied Punchlines at March 30, 2016 08:08 AM (8ZskC)

139 Yeah Brock Peters starred in To Kill a Mockingbird with Gregory Peck long before he became Commander Star Fleet.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:08 AM (harh/)

140 Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:07 PM (jBuUi) ----- Forrest Whitaker is another awesome black actor with actual talent.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (8XRCm)

141 Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 01:06 PM (2PHKP) Gary Oldman played Dracula in Dracula (1992) among other things. He was pretty well known.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (SwXTE)

142 It's a strange movie. I kind of don't like the movie, but I was only bored for a few of the show-offy long takes in the beginning, and it doesn't feel like a three hour movie. Interesting failure or just a failure? I heart QT because of his QTness but I've had no interest in seeing this. I'll catch it on tv at some point. In which I declare heresy. I intensely dislike Carpenter's remake of The Thing. As in borderline hate it. I know, I know, I'm wrong in all the ways but there you have it. That being said, Halloween is an amazing movie. It's story cut to the bone, the camera work creates dread without calling attention to itself and the theme is brilliant being terrifying without being bombastic. Also Jamie Lee Curtis. Damn. Quick IMDB check and I'd forgotten that Kurt Russell is to John Carpenter what Johnny Depp is to Tim Burton.

Posted by: alexthechick - Destroyer of Gaia and Seductress of Savagery at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (mf5HN)

143 The Hateful Eight-- He never says in three words what he can say in twelve. **** Yeah, tell us about it.

Posted by: The Magnificent Seven at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (NeFrd)

144 Thank you, A.Puma.
Couldn't this also be Stagecoach, then? Same story matter.
I just always throw that in because it's the first movie I ever saw.

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (xq1UY)

145 If we're talking black actors, certainly Long Dong Silver warrants a mention.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 08:09 AM (dBmVV)

146 Sam Jackson You are thinking of Morgan Freeman. Laurence Fishburne? Wilford Brimley. Clarence Linden "Buster" Crabbe. Posted by: Stringer Davis Burgess Meredith... or wait, John Gielgude.

Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. at March 30, 2016 08:10 AM (9mTYi)

147 The Hateful Eight-- He never says in three words what he can say in twelve. **** Yeah, tell us about it. Posted by: The Magnificent Seven +++++++ Well, duh!

Posted by: Three Amigos at March 30, 2016 08:10 AM (NeFrd)

148 Pulp Fiction, Jackie Brown, Reservoir Dogs, True Romance and Kill Bill were all great movies to me. I even liked DeathProof, only because Kurt Russell hilarious in that.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:10 AM (2PHKP)

149 >>Forrest Whitaker is another awesome black actor with actual talent. Todd Bridges.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:10 AM (MvFEq)

150 >>Also, the DoJ will be constantly investigating Matt Dillon, on account of all the shootings. Posted by: Mike Hammer, etc., etc. Dillon also had the fastest and most devastating backhand and pistol whipping in the west. a true artiste.

Posted by: x at March 30, 2016 08:10 AM (nFwvY)

151 "By now, though, if I re-watched [John Carpenter's "The Thing], I would probably laugh at all the campy '80s special effects."
======

Not necessarily! I don't think the film has aged badly at all.

Posted by: Kensington at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (7Kbxu)

152 41 "Kill Bill movies"


Probably the last two Tarantino films I liked.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at March 30, 2016 12:50 PM (LA7Cm)

++++

I think those films marked a turning point for me regarding Tarantino. Up until then, his films are masterpieces. But, I hated Kill Bill. I just couldn't buy all that supernatural physical prowess stuff. But then, I don't like most of the superhero stuff nor the Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon kind of movies.

Anyway, starting with Kill Bill, Tarantino's films are just too outlandish for me. I just can't forget I am watching a movie that is largely bullshit,

Super Black man in the Civil War era against the KKK
Super Jews against the Nazis
etc

Just can't get past the silliness of the premises.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (R+30W)

153 >>They actually hold up really well. And its still deeply freaky. True The Thing story. I played softball on a company team back in the day. One night after the game a bunch of us went over to a co-workers apartment that was right around the corner from the field to have a few beers. His roommate and the roommate's business partners were there and they were just sitting down to watch The Thing. They had a giant garbage bag full of this new concoction they were working on, cheese popcorn. That concoction went on to become Smartfood. Every time I think about The Thing I get a craving for Smartfood.

Posted by: JackStraw at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (/tuJf)

154 "I decided after Inglorious Basterds.." For me you are spot on, CT. The actors didn't care why they were there, why should I. Watched and never really cared about any of it. Posted by: Ricardo Kill But I was made for that movie.....and a war..but..

Posted by: The Sherman tank at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (326rv)

155 You only need to hang mean bastards, but mean bastards you need to hang. Being at the minimum level of goodness should be the smart move. That's the bedrock of civilization.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (VdICR)

156 Oh Empress, rush out to Wally World then. Hateful Eight has its own cardboard display with plenty of copies.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:11 AM (harh/)

157 >>"Kill Bill movies" Those are fucking awful.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:12 AM (MvFEq)

158 77 -- Hawks directing? Stringer Davis, are you a "The Thing" truther?

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 08:12 AM (7zeA4)

159 As long as we are talking about black actors in actual good movies lets not forget Denzel Washington in Book of Eli.  I won't give a rundown on it because it has a surprise ending and that really makes the film

Posted by: Vic[/i] We Have No Party at March 30, 2016 08:12 AM (vvmPQ)

160 Forrest Whitaker is another awesome black actor with actual talent. Posted by: fixerupper I'll one-up you one that: I think Forrest Whitaker is an actual genius. I have never seen him be anything other than completely brilliant in a film. He's almost a "philosopher of acting," rather than a mere actor. But I don't think of him as a "black actor," which is too limiting of a label. He's just one of the all-time greats.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:12 AM (jBuUi)

161 As much of a stereotypical schmuck as he appears to be, I don't think I've ever disliked one of Quentin Tarentino's films. Even "Death Proof" is pretty good once you accept it's 90% girls chatting and foot fetish wanking material.

The film I've liked least so far was probably "Django Unchained." I didn't dislike it, but I've no desire to ever see it again, either.

Posted by: Kensington at March 30, 2016 08:13 AM (7Kbxu)

162 I was a hand in a box.

Posted by: Thing at March 30, 2016 08:13 AM (FkBIv)

163 134 re: The Thing. Either watch the original black+white movie or go back to the font of it all Who Goes There? published in 1938. Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 01:06 PM (harh/) The B&W movie had nearly nothing to do with the short story though. The Carpenter version was closer in plot. (And isn't The Thing the same type of story as Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None/Ten Little Indians?)

Posted by: stuiec at March 30, 2016 08:14 AM (eetvJ)

164 123 He stole for Resevoir Dogs (which was garbage)
He stole for Pulp Fiction (which was good but woven together by his partner)
Can anyone name a movie he hasn't had to steal material for?
Even stealing he misses way more than he hits.
His movies suck and he's an unstable sleaze.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 01:04 PM (u0kqM)

++++

He didn't steal Jackie Brown. True, it was based on a book, but he did so explicitly, with the author getting paid. So, no theft. One of his best films, too.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 30, 2016 08:14 AM (R+30W)

165 Gah! A Tarantino thread and I'm out in the world and can't read it. Stupid life. I am a huge Tarantino fanboi. I forgive him his indulgences. Not this one. By the time we got to "let's go back in time and see how we got here" I didn't care. The filmmaking qua filmmaking was superb - steam out of flaring horse nostril in a snowy landscape - but the storytelling not so much. He started down this road in Django. I think since his editor Sally Meinke died he's had no one to restrain him.

Posted by: Bandersnatch at March 30, 2016 08:14 AM (KlBf6)

166 I was a hand in a box. Posted by: Thing at March 30, 2016 01:13 PM (FkBIv) ___________________________ Probably mine...

Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 08:14 AM (HSmrB)

167 141
Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 01:06 PM (2PHKP)

Gary Oldman played Dracula in Dracula (1992) among other things. He was pretty well known.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 01:09 PM (SwXTE)


I disagree. He had the breakout role as Sid in Sid and Nancy. But he wasn't well known in the states. Had a role as Oswald in JFK and then Dracula, where he was barely recognizable. He took off after True Romance, n 93. and Leon The Proffessional.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:14 AM (2PHKP)

168 I was a hand in a box. Posted by: Thing at March 30, 2016 01:13 PM (FkBIv) Pfft.

Posted by: Abby Normal at March 30, 2016 08:15 AM (8ZskC)

169 Forrest Whitaker

The question - chewing scenery deliberately in Battlefield Earth or actually nutz.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at March 30, 2016 08:15 AM (DL2i+)

170 Kill Bill was terrible but entertaining in a manga sort of way (live action Japanese animation, basically). Just casting Uma Thurman as the most beautiful woman on earth was ridiculous. Now all he does is special identity group revenge porn.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:15 AM (39g3+)

171 I was a hand in a box.
Posted by: Thing>>>

Are you still in there?

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2016 08:15 AM (P/aDH)

172 Tarantino's movies never have any good people in them. I think it's a reflection on himself and how he views the world. Oh, and the 1980's Thing is still one of my favorite movies.

Posted by: Soona at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (Fmupd)

173 130 I liked Gary Oldman in True Romance. Great scene . This. A thousand times this!

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (gA69l)

174 Is there a volcano in this film?? Posted by: dantesed at March 30, 2016 12:46 PM (88xKn) Bander and I got into a discussion last night about when the volcano meme got started. That was in a discussion of The Master, wasn't it? Ahhh The Master. Now there's an interesting failure.

Posted by: alexthechick - Destroyer of Gaia and Seductress of Savagery at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (mf5HN)

175 >>(And isn't The Thing the same type of story as Agatha Christie's And Then There Were None/Ten Little Indians?) Nope. All Agatha Christie Movies are required by law to take place on a train... wait, maybe that was Murder She Wrote?

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (MvFEq)

176 In Battlefield Earth who wasn't chewing scenery to get a paycheck?  Well besides John Revolta that is.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (harh/)

177 157 >>"Kill Bill movies"


Those are fucking awful.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 01:12 PM (MvFEq)


Potayto Potahto.


I like them for what they were, which was an homage to Kung Fu Saturday and spaghetti westerns.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (2PHKP)

178 Todd Bridges. Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 01:10 PM (MvFEq) ------------------ Speaking of which...I haven't seen one of my favorite socks here in a long time. Todd Bridges, First to go bad, last to go down (or something like that ). Makes me giggle every time.

Posted by: DangerGirl and her 1.21 Gigawatt Sanity Prod (tm) at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (RkYsP)

179 I watched Body Double which I first saw 30 years ago. It was a big deal back then tho I didnt see why. I guess all the nudity. I think it held up well.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (iQIUe)

180 people knew who gary oldman was by True Romance. People were fans. (I was one.)

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 08:16 AM (dciA+)

181 He didn't steal Jackie Brown. True, it was based on a book, but he did so explicitly, with the author getting paid. So, no theft. One of his best films, too. Jackie Brown was his best film, and I think that's because it wasn't his story and he was restrained somewhat by editors and Elmore Leonard's presence. Plus, he featured some amazing, nearly forgotten actors.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:17 AM (39g3+)

182 Nice QT parody from a long time Mad magazine reader. No, really.

Posted by: DM at March 30, 2016 08:17 AM (IY/oR)

183 I'll one-up you one that: I think Forrest Whitaker is an actual genius. I have never seen him be anything other than completely brilliant in a film. He's almost a "philosopher of acting," rather than a mere actor. But I don't think of him as a "black actor," which is too limiting of a label. He's just one of the all-time greats. Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:12 PM (jBuUi) ----- My favorite scene of his was in the Color of Money. He had just hustled Eddie out of everything... including his soul. Eddie realizes he'd been had... throws down the last of his cash. Forrests character says "I want to ask you something. ....... . Do you think I could stand to lose a little weight." The look on his face, the grin, the way he picks up the cash and saunters out of the pool hall. Acting perfection.

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 08:17 AM (8XRCm)

184 >>"Kill Bill movies" Those are fucking awful. My Husband loves those movies.... I have a hard time watching them and His other favorite pulp fiction....

Posted by: donna at March 30, 2016 08:18 AM (O2RFr)

185 180 people knew who gary oldman was by True Romance. People were fans. (I was one.) Sid and Nancy was excellent, but his greatest role - to me - is in The Professional.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:18 AM (gA69l)

186 He didn't steal Jackie Brown. True, it was based on a book, but he did so explicitly, with the author getting paid. So, no theft. One of his best films, too. Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at March 30, 2016 01:14 PM (R+30W) That was based on an Elmore Leonard book, Rum Punch.

Posted by: First-Rate Political Hack at March 30, 2016 08:18 AM (SwXTE)

187 And while I'm on Netflix TV shows: Jessica Jones. Remember how when that show came out, it got all this praise from the usual sources about how it was a "Feminist" action show, and how good it was at portraying women, and how we need more shows like this written and directed by women? It's actually a pretty good show, but there was something that bugged me about it and I couldn't figure out why for the longest time. It's that the show portrays men in exactly the same way the above crowd always yells at mass media for how they portray women. Of the male characters in that show, there are: -David Tennant. He's the villain, so I'll give him a pass on being despicable (and he acts it really well). -Trish's Boyfriend whose name I don't even remember, because it's not important. What is important is that he's a cop and he's an ex-marine or navy SEAL or something, and he only thinks with his gun and when he tries to help, just makes things worse. Also generally a skeevy dude and goes crazy being overbearing. Shocker. -Luke Cage, whose defining personality trait is that he has no personality. He's basically just a hunk of meat for Jessica, and doesn't display any agency whatsoever. -The junkie that lives down the hall from Jessica, whose life pretty literally revolves around her as well. And that's it. There's not a single positive male character on the show. I'm really just amused by this. It's still a good show. Don't let this stop you from watching.

Posted by: joe, living dangerously at March 30, 2016 08:18 AM (KUaJL)

188 >>I like them for what they were, which was an homage to Kung Fu Saturday and spaghetti westerns. "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Bay Leaf"

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:19 AM (MvFEq)

189 >>"Kill Bill movies" Those are fucking awful.-----------garrett Incredibly stupid. It seems they were made for those who found The Dukes of Hazard too intellectual.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:19 AM (u0kqM)

190 "Battlefield Earth" was a labor of love for John Travolta. He wasn't earning a paycheck.

"Battlefield Earth" for John Travolta was like "The Passion of the Christ" for Mel Gibson.

Think about that!

Posted by: Kensington at March 30, 2016 08:19 AM (7Kbxu)

191 I watched Body Double which I first saw 30 years ago. It was a big deal back then tho I didnt see why. I guess all the nudity. I think it held up well. Posted by: Bruce With a Wang!>>>

The nudity mixed with the availability of the VCR was a huge deal to teenage males all over.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2016 08:19 AM (P/aDH)

192 "Battlefield Earth" for John Travolta was like "The Passion of the Christ" for Mel Gibson. The Passion of the Hubbard?

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:19 AM (gA69l)

193 In Battlefield Earth who wasn't chewing scenery to get a paycheck? Well besides John Revolta that is. Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 01:16 PM (harh/) Another brilliant performance by Forrest Whitaker.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:20 AM (kkOK3)

194 The nudity mixed with the availability of the VCR was a huge deal to teenage males all over. Mmm... Deborah Shelton!

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:20 AM (Agn5J)

195 I was a walking wig

Posted by: Cousin It at March 30, 2016 08:20 AM (zv81W)

196 145 If we're talking black actors, certainly Long Dong Silver warrants a mention. Posted by: ghost of hallelujah I was once going to write an investigative article about "Whatever happened to Long Dong Silver?" (In reference to the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas brouhaha), and was deeply disappointed to learn that his "member" was almost certainly a fake -- a prosthetic worn over his actual (normal-sized) penis. I unearthed an interview that Seka ('70s porn actress) gave to a Dutch magazine (in Dutch, but I got it translated) in which she basically admitted that he used a rubber fake dick. And I found an old blue movie "loop" (three-minute short for peep-shows) in which it was pretty obvious that it was fake, because in the entire loop he always had to grip the base of his dick, and never once let go (as he swung it around, etc.). Also, it was weird that he apparently could never get fully "hard" -- the excuse given at the time is that there just isn't enough blood in the human body to inflate a dick of that size, but in reality it was because the prosthetic always stayed the same consistency. Disappointing as hell. And then I ended up never publishing the article. Sigh. Still have the research, though.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:21 AM (jBuUi)

197 Cousin It is Donald Trump's hair???

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:21 AM (harh/)

198 >>Deborah Shelton True Fact : She was Blake Shelton's grandmother.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:21 AM (MvFEq)

199 And that's it. There's not a single positive male character on the show. Yeah, that was my immediate impression: grrl power and all men are awful. Every single guy. I don't even know who that character is to begin with, why watch?

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:22 AM (39g3+)

200 It seems they were made for those who found The Dukes of Hazard too intellectual. Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 01:19 PM (u0kqM) ___________________________ Wow, I struggled with the Dukes of Hazard... What was up with that Boss Hogg dude anyway?

Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 08:22 AM (HSmrB)

201 Zombie, that needs to be made into a movie - I Was a Walking Rubber Dick.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:22 AM (harh/)

202 Long Dong was one of my early childhood heroes.

Posted by: Sandra Flook at March 30, 2016 08:23 AM (vtcmf)

203 Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:21 PM (jBuUi) ------- **Spock Eybrow** Of all the things to research in porn.... you choose dick??

Posted by: fixerupper at March 30, 2016 08:23 AM (8XRCm)

204 True Fact : She was Blake Shelton's grandmother. Wow. She was smokin' hot.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:23 AM (Agn5J)

205 Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:21 PM (jBuUi) ------------------------ Oh, by all means. Keep the research. Still laughing.

Posted by: Soona at March 30, 2016 08:24 AM (Fmupd)

206 I am what consumes Donald Trump

Posted by: Cousin It at March 30, 2016 08:24 AM (zv81W)

207 I guess some of you didn't spend Saturday's watching the Five Deadly Venoms or Seven Samurai.

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:24 AM (2PHKP)

208 If we're talking black actors, certainly Long Dong Silver warrants a mention. Posted by: ghost of hallelujah I was once going to write an investigative article about "Whatever happened to Long Dong Silver?" (In reference to the Anita Hill/Clarence Thomas brouhaha), and was deeply disappointed to learn that his "member" was almost certainly a fake -- a prosthetic worn over his actual (normal-sized) penis. I unearthed an interview that Seka ('70s porn actress) gave to a Dutch magazine (in Dutch, but I got it translated) in which she basically admitted that he used a rubber fake dick. And I found an old blue movie "loop" (three-minute short for peep-shows) in which it was pretty obvious that it was fake, because in the entire loop he always had to grip the base of his dick, and never once let go (as he swung it around, etc.). Also, it was weird that he apparently could never get fully "hard" -- the excuse given at the time is that there just isn't enough blood in the human body to inflate a dick of that size, but in reality it was because the prosthetic always stayed the same consistency. Disappointing as hell. And then I ended up never publishing the article. Sigh. Still have the research, though. Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:21 PM (jBuUi) this is very upsetting information. I feel as if I've lost my innocence. I need #safespace

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 08:24 AM (dBmVV)

209 >> I unearthed an interview that Seka ('70s porn actress) gave to a Dutch magazine Do you really think you needed the parenthetical statement with the Morons.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:25 AM (MvFEq)

210 Of all the things to research in porn.... you choose dick?? It makes perfect sense for zombie to focus more on that, yes.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:25 AM (39g3+)

211 Zombie, that needs to be made into a movie - I Was a Walking Rubber Dick. Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 01:22 PM (harh/) Ok the thread has gone weird and funny.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:25 AM (lNK80)

212 211 Zombie, that needs to be made into a movie - I Was a Walking Rubber Dick. With a foreward by Alec Baldwin.

Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (Agn5J)

213 The late TONY Scott (not Ridley) directed True Romance.

Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (SLJ40)

214 Woody Strode was the real deal.

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (xq1UY)

215 >>And then I ended up never publishing the article. Sigh. Still have the research, though. Really, the Research is all that matters.

Posted by: Pwete Townsend at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (MvFEq)

216 211 Zombie, that needs to be made into a movie - I Was a Walking Rubber Dick. Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 01:22 PM (harh/) Ok the thread has gone weird and funny. I;m enjoying it for a change...

Posted by: donna at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (O2RFr)

217 The Super Marianation Arec Bawdwin?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:26 AM (harh/)

218 After a group of us saw Inglourious Basterds, one of the ladies, using the still female-designated facilities, overheard a youngish voice extolling her enjoyment of the film: "I just love movies about History!" It has become a treasured bit of hilarious family lore.

Posted by: Gouverneur Morris at March 30, 2016 08:27 AM (dQJCS)

219 About half of the Thing's score was done by Carpenter and Alan Howarth.  The rest is Morricone.  The main title theme with the driving synth bass line is Carpenter/Howarth (obviously).

Posted by: Rusty Nail at March 30, 2016 08:28 AM (S2VsH)

220 I frighten women the size of my Vulcanization.

Posted by: The Thing at March 30, 2016 08:28 AM (lNK80)

221 Of all the things to research in porn.... you choose dick??

Well, not just dick, A dick. And for a while there, it was THE dick.
One of my female employees had a fold-out on the inside of her locker door.
And sure enough, somebody complained and I had to...talk to her about it.

Posted by: [/i][/b]Stringer Davis at March 30, 2016 08:28 AM (xq1UY)

222 OFF TOPIC Trying to change the plumbing on my blog so instead of a review I am just featuring books on my to read pile today. Today is a pair of action thrillers, actually, so not that off topic. Link in nic

Posted by: @votermom at March 30, 2016 08:29 AM (nbrY/)

223 So is this different than the Thing from Snowy River then?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:29 AM (harh/)

224 Once you go rubber.....

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:29 AM (u0kqM)

225 Deborah Shelton is 18 years older than grandmother. Old enough to be his mother, if she'd had a kid at 18, and Shelton was her married name (it's not, it's her maiden name). But, no.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 08:30 AM (7zeA4)

226 Voter Mom are you enjoying Dig Two Graves as I am?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:30 AM (harh/)

227 224 Once you go rubber..... Tell me about it.

Posted by: The Michelin Man at March 30, 2016 08:30 AM (Agn5J)

228 *tosses off rubber sock* dammit I can't type write and leave important words out.....

Posted by: The Thing at March 30, 2016 08:31 AM (lNK80)

229 dammit this rubber is sticking.....

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:31 AM (lNK80)

230 I heard it was a remake of That Thing You Do!

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:31 AM (39g3+)

231 Only in America can a nobody attain stardom with just grit, a smile, a smattering of talent and a giant rubber dick.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 08:31 AM (8ZskC)

232 Tilikum, rubber you say? Try the Blade Runner parody called Bad Rubber.

http://kipplezone.tripod.com/id57.html

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:31 AM (harh/)

233 Is that you, Childs?

Posted by: Ready For Hillary!!11!! at March 30, 2016 08:32 AM (vtcmf)

234 Awec Bawin is worthwess!

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:32 AM (u0kqM)

235 http://kipplezone.tripod.com/id57.html Heh, "tripod."

Posted by: The Michelin Man at March 30, 2016 08:32 AM (Agn5J)

236 Once you go rubber..... Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 01:29 PM (u0kqM) ____________________________ I'm pretty sure that's what dicked my elbo....

Posted by: Michelle Fields at March 30, 2016 08:33 AM (HSmrB)

237 Hmm vmom reviewed a Patricia McKillip book I've never heard of before, I loved her Riddlemaster bard books.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:33 AM (39g3+)

238 That is, the Deborah Shelton of "Body Double" is (still alive) only 18 years older than Blake Shelton. Her children are not named "Shelton". Weird, though, that if you google "Deborah Shelton", it autocompletes with "obituary".

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 08:33 AM (7zeA4)

239 Please tell me you had to go to the VHS to get the "Special Make-up Effects by Rob Bottin" info. Otherwise we are past big Thing fan and into weird Thing stalker territory.

Posted by: motionview at March 30, 2016 08:33 AM (hqjPT)

240 I watched Body Double which I first saw 30 years ago. It was a big deal back then tho I didnt see why. I guess all the nudity. I think it held up well. Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 01:16 PM (iQIUe) Brian De Palma did 3 pretty good Americanized/Hollywooded giallo movies: Blow-Out Dressed to Kill Body Double Of the 3, I think "Body Double" is the weakest. I agree that most of it's held up pretty well until- you get to that goddamn Frankie Goes to Hollywood "Relax" music video that functions more or less (if I'm remembering correctly) as the climax of the movie. It's just awful and cheesy. Not ironically awful and cheesy. Just awful and cheesy... ...like a Grilled Limburger Cheese and Dead Rat Sandwich awful and cheesy. That kind.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 30, 2016 08:33 AM (0cMkb)

241 Weird, though, that if you google "Deborah Shelton", it autocompletes with "obituary". Is she the new Abe Vigoda?

Posted by: The Michelin Man at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (Agn5J)

242 I saw Giant Rubber Dick open for Fugazi at the 9:30 Club, back in 92!

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (MvFEq)

243 Hateful Eight stinks. Turned it off after 45 minutes of nothingness and boredom. You want to see a real good movie? Creed.

Posted by: intellectual nudity at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (puzNN)

244 213 The late TONY Scott (not Ridley) directed True Romance. Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at March 30, 2016 01:26 PM (SLJ40) ========= Poor Tony Scott. Sometimes when people are fixated on killing themselves, nothing can stop them. Wonder why he drove to San Pedro? Pasadena was closer.

Posted by: Bruce With a Wang! at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (iQIUe)

245 Tilikum, rubber you say? Try the Blade Runner parody called Bad Rubber. http://kipplezone.tripod.com/id57.html------Anna Puma Thanks Anna. Gotta save that for later. Darned closed minded employer.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (u0kqM)

246 231 Only in America can a nobody attain stardom with just grit, a smile, a smattering of talent and a giant rubber dick.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 01:31 PM (8ZskC)


Are you talking about Justin Beiber?

Posted by: AlaBAMA at March 30, 2016 08:34 AM (2PHKP)

247 I just want to sleep with Samuel L. Jackson. I have a crush on him.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at March 30, 2016 08:35 AM (e15m6)

248 Uh oh. I think we're being invaded by the erudites from the Sunday book thread.

Posted by: Soona at March 30, 2016 08:35 AM (Fmupd)

249 I was once going to write an investigative article about "Whatever happened to Long Dong Silver?"

Don't despair; the way things are going, 'Highlights' will pick it up.

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at March 30, 2016 08:35 AM (XdbLA)

250 The late TONY Scott (not Ridley) directed True Romance. Posted by: Mister Christopher (in Atlanta!) at March 30, 2016 01:26 PM (SLJ40) To this day my wee delicate sensibilities are horrified by the honey bear bong. The Sicilian scene in that is amazing, especially once you realize just what it is that Dennis Hopper is setting up.

Posted by: alexthechick - Destroyer of Gaia and Seductress of Savagery at March 30, 2016 08:36 AM (mf5HN)

251 so, you're saying the money shot was a bit of an issue then?

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 08:36 AM (dBmVV)

252 249 I was once going to write an investigative article about "Whatever happened to Long Dong Silver?" If You mean the Clarence Thomas thing HBO has made a hit piece movie about it soon to be released...

Posted by: donna at March 30, 2016 08:37 AM (O2RFr)

253 Is this the rubber dick thread?

Posted by: That girl who always says this is yuuuge... at March 30, 2016 08:37 AM (vtcmf)

254 Brian De Palma's body of work is mostly Film School-type Alfred Hitchcock knockoffs. They're pretty good but its clear where he learned to make movies. Not all of them, though. Carrie, The Untouchables, Scarface, Carlito's Way, The Bonfire of the Vanities etc are different. He's done some very, very good work.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:37 AM (39g3+)

255 239 -- motionview Bottin's work on "The Thing" is really famous, particularly if you were a teen-ish boy when it came out. I've only seen the movie twice, and I knew of Bottin. 240 -- naturalfake The Frankie video isn't the climax of the movie, it's the midway point, when Craig Wasson realizes that Melanie Griffith may be the woman he, uh, fell in "love" with. The climax is him being attacked by the Indian.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 08:37 AM (7zeA4)

256 I want to like Samuel's feet.

Posted by: Quentin Tarantino at March 30, 2016 08:38 AM (e15m6)

257 I destroyed an antique Martin guitar in Hateful 8.

Posted by: Kurt Russell at March 30, 2016 08:38 AM (FXW24)

258 >>I just want to sleep with Samuel L. Jackson. I have a crush on him. YOU JUST WANT ME TO BEAT YOU WITH A GIANT RUBBER PENIS, DON'T YOU!?

Posted by: Samuel L. Jackson at March 30, 2016 08:38 AM (MvFEq)

259 Hollywood just cannot produce anything original anymore.


Posted by: Grampa Jimbo at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (1ijHg)

260 If You mean the Clarence Thomas thing HBO has made a hit piece movie about it soon to be released... Posted by: donna I saw that -- but the HBO thing is just a hit piece against Clarence Thomas. I was going to focus exclusively on LDS, and what his life story was, and only briefly mention the Anita H. thing as a post-career sideshow.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (jBuUi)

261 The Sicilian scene in that is amazing, especially once you realize just what it is that Dennis Hopper is setting up. That's really the only part of the film I liked. Well that and the cautionary tale about crazy girls and angering them with a brick of coke in the car.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (39g3+)

262 Before vulcanization was invented fake dicks had to be made out of ivory. So elephants were saved from extinction by Charles Goodyear.

Posted by: Cicero (@cicero) at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (8ZskC)

263 The Frankie video isn't the climax of the movie, it's the midway point, when Craig Wasson realizes that Melanie Griffith may be the woman he, uh, fell in "love" with. The climax is him being attacked by the Indian. Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 01:37 PM (7zeA4) ------------------ Well now you've fucking spoiled it for me.

Posted by: Soona at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (Fmupd)

264 Only in America can a nobody attain stardom with just grit, a smile, a smattering of talent and a giant rubber dick. Posted by: Cicero (@cicero Which was still better than the Kardashians.

Posted by: Cheri at March 30, 2016 08:39 AM (oiNtH)

265 Vulcanization? Let me sing for you The Ballad of Dildo Baggins

Posted by: Dr Spock at March 30, 2016 08:40 AM (dBmVV)

266 Hollywood just cannot produce anything original anymore. Well that's partly why superhero movies don't bother me so much. That's about the only new content Hollywood is putting out instead of sequels, remakes, and cleverly disguised remakes.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at March 30, 2016 08:40 AM (39g3+)

267 Ugh. zombie's comment sounds like an allegory of someone's campaign.

Posted by: Unfettered Power at March 30, 2016 08:40 AM (mcm0N)

268 265 Vulcanization? Let me sing for you The Ballad of Dildo Baggins Posted by: Dr Spock +1000 for a triple-entendre pun.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:41 AM (jBuUi)

269 SLJ, yes he probably does. I mean, he dated Margaret Cho. He has issues.

Posted by: Tilikum KAW SPI at March 30, 2016 08:41 AM (u0kqM)

270 DO YOU KNOW WHAT THEY CALL A GIANT RUBBER PENIS IN FRANCE!?

Posted by: Samuel L. Jackson at March 30, 2016 08:41 AM (MvFEq)

271 I'm getting impatient with Mr Plinkett. He promised us a new review.

Posted by: BourbonChicken at March 30, 2016 08:41 AM (VdICR)

272 I saw that -- but the HBO thing is just a hit piece against Clarence Thomas. I was going to focus exclusively on LDS, and what his life story was, and only briefly mention the Anita H. thing as a post-career sideshow. Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:39 PM (jBuUi) I'm guessing it's a blessing to be too young to know much about Clarnce Thomas and big rubber dongs.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:41 AM (lNK80)

273 Tarantino's face is slowly morphing into Garrison Keillor's face. Having said that, ok movie; wasn't too annoying until the second (third?) act with the completely unnecessary and jarring narration. I guess Tarantino just couldn't resist injecting himself into the movie. A good storyteller doesn't need a narrator for just one part of the movie. But Cameo!

Posted by: Retard Strength Trumps Smart Power at March 30, 2016 08:42 AM (RKQ/v)

274 Draki, just remember the sitting VP lead the Dong charge against Clarence Thomas.

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:42 AM (harh/)

275 My only interest in watching anything by Tarantino is to see if I can recognize where he stole all the dialogue and plot points from.

Hateful Eight:
Jody Domergue: How ya doin', dummy?Daisy Domergue: Better now I see your ugly face.

For A Few Dollars More:

        Indio: How are you, Nino?

        Nino: Better now I see you.

        

Posted by: Sort-of-Mad Max at March 30, 2016 08:42 AM (XdbLA)

276 nood ...professor at Marquette

Posted by: Gouverneur Morris at March 30, 2016 08:44 AM (dQJCS)

277 I really do not like Garrison Keillor. Proof positive you can be a pretentious wanker whilst wearing flannel and denim.

Posted by: ghost of hallelujah at March 30, 2016 08:44 AM (dBmVV)

278 263 The Frankie video isn't the climax of the movie, it's the midway point, when Craig Wasson realizes that Melanie Griffith may be the woman he, uh, fell in "love" with. The climax is him being attacked by the Indian. Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 01:37 PM (7zeA4) Gah. You're right. I guess my seething hate for that scene gave it more prominence in my memory than it deserved.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 30, 2016 08:44 AM (0cMkb)

279 Draki, just remember the sitting VP lead the Dong charge against Clarence Thomas. Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 01:42 PM (harh/) LOL, God bless Uncle Joe. He's the crazy uncle in everyone's family.... Just gotta keep my daughters away from the creep.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:45 AM (kkOK3)

280 If you really want to get into the truly WTF were they thinking about dicks in film, there is always the zombie penis that is kung-fu fighting a mouse as the credits roll for the  Re-animator sequel.

*thud*

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2016 08:45 AM (harh/)

281 I'm guessing it's a blessing to be too young to know much about Clarnce Thomas and big rubber dongs. Posted by: Draki It was and remains a classic slanderous hit-piece. No evidence that any of it was even true in the slightest. Basically, when Bush Sr. Nominated Clarence Thomas to the POTUS, the Democrats tried to torpedo his nomination without looking racist, so they concocted a sexual harassment charge against Thomas from years earlier in his career, They dug up a woman (Anita Hill) who once worked in his office, and she claimed that Thomas sauntered over to her desk and casually mentioned that he "was hung like Long Dong Silver," apparently in some ham-fisted attempt to seduce her. There was never any confirmation of her accusation.

Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 08:46 AM (jBuUi)

282 Posted by: zombie at March 30, 2016 01:46 PM (jBuUi) Sad. Liberals got to keep their slaves on the plantation or they lose their power.

Posted by: Draki at March 30, 2016 08:49 AM (lNK80)

283 With a foreward by Alec Baldwin. Posted by: Wyatt Earp at March 30, 2016 01:26 PM soooooo....what you're saying in Alec Baldwin is just the tip?

Posted by: AltonJackson at March 30, 2016 08:51 AM (ZQfW9)

284 Ace, I thought "Hateful Eight" was QT's version of a drawing room mystery- an Agatha Christie style deal like "Murder On the Orient Express" or "and then there were none". But, you're likely on to something with "The Thing". Still, the movie felt like QT took all of the dialogue that he cut but juuuuust couldn't throw away cuz it was just that awesome from "Django" took the framework of another movie and crammed the dialogue into it. Esp. the weird "all men are brothers, except bitchez, man. Nasty ass, bitchez" conclusion. I wasn't bored but it wasn't worth the time spent either. That movie could've easily accomplished everything in about 90 minutes. Won't bother watching again.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 30, 2016 08:52 AM (0cMkb)

285 >>>The Frankie video isn't the climax of the movie, it's the midway point, when Craig Wasson realizes that Melanie Griffith may be the woman he, uh, fell in "love" with. The climax is him being attacked by the Indian. ... there's some ambiguity over what "climax" means. In Shakespeare's time, it's in the middle of the movie, the moment of utmost confusion. The Frankie sequence, being Wasson's full immersion into the world of porn, could be called the climax, in that sort of way. There was a lot of deaths at the end of Shakespeare but that wasn't thought to be the climax. though now we say the big finish is the climax, and the big thing that happens in the middle is the "2nd act climax" or mid-point climax or something.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 09:03 AM (dciA+)

286 Various movie reviews if you're into it: The Untouchables (Brian De Palma) http://moviegique.com/index.php/2013/03/14/the-untouchables-1987/ Inglorius Basterds (Quentin Tarantino) http://moviegique.com/index.php/2009/08/27/movie-review-inglorius-basterds/ Reflections on Death Proof: http://moviegique.com/index.php/2008/03/07/grindhouse-death-proof-redux/ Random ramblings related to De Palma's "The Fury": http://moviegique.com/index.php/2009/03/09/kirk-fury/ Pulp Fiction (QT) http://moviegique.com/index.php/2013/05/17/pulp-fiction/

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:05 AM (7zeA4)

287 ace -- I would say, in a three-act narrative, each act has its own climax. The one at the end of the first act creating or demonstrating the degree of the problem confronting the protagonist. The one at the end of the second act should be the point where all hope is lost. He'd just banged Melanie Griffith, so I'm thinking all hope wasn't lost. Unless, like Alexander, there were no more worlds to conquer. (I'm kidding, of course. Your point is taken.)

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:08 AM (7zeA4)

288 movigique, you're right about death proof, and Tarantino compromising the original idea (let's make a fun grindhouse double-feature) to do the only thing he can do, make a talky silly Tarantino movie with shallow fantasy girl characters.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 09:09 AM (dciA+)

289 Thanks. Sometimes I think I'm taking crazy pills. But I also am not a Scorcese fan, so I probably am.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:11 AM (7zeA4)

290 tarantino's commentary on True Romance is revealing and confirms the "fantasy girlfriend" thing. He says he'd never had a girlfriend before, so Alabama was his fantasy of what he thought a girlfriend would be. He shows a little insight by noting it's kind of embarrassing to have written up his fantasy girlfriend, but says he thinks that if you're writing a movie, maybe it SHOULD embarrass you in retrospect. Meaning, the most heartfelt things and dreams and longings look pretty silly from the outside. But yeah, most of his "female characters" are just the fantasies of a 28-year-old guy who never had a girlfriend (and to this day still seems to have that syndrome).

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 09:22 AM (dciA+)

291 I actually think the most embarrassing aspect of it is that his fantasy girls are just him in a wig. Though, again, if you have no experience with women, I suppose that makes sense.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:30 AM (7zeA4)

292 movigique, I guess I'm betraying my crap taste in movies, but- "The Fury" is my favorite De Palma movie. Not a great movie, but a solid supernatural thriller action movie that keeps moving and building in set piece after set piece till the final 'splodey ending.

Posted by: naturalfake at March 30, 2016 09:33 AM (0cMkb)

293 Hating on Tarantino doesn't make you cool, just lame. Show me a more entertaining filmmaker working today...

Posted by: honeybunny at March 30, 2016 09:37 AM (3jpFR)

294 Rather watch filmed tarantella by Tarantino.

Posted by: Headless Body of Agnew at March 30, 2016 09:39 AM (FtrY1)

295 >>>293 Hating on Tarantino doesn't make you cool, just lame. Show me a more entertaining filmmaker working today... ... I don't "hate" him, really. He's a mixed bag of interesting stuff and annoyinness and self-indulgence. There's a great dialogue, for example, in Inglorious Basterds, the famous German Ratskellar sequence, and that's terrific. But on the downside you have to put up with these endless affectations and indulgences. Plus, YMMV on whether you like his idea that movies should announce themselves as movies -- that they shouldn't try to immerse you in some kind of reality, but instead serve mainly as a commentary on other movies and a meta-commentary on their own movie-ness. I don't like that. Some people do. Others don't even seem to notice it.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 09:44 AM (dciA+)

296 naturalfake -- I like "The Fury", too! First time I ever saw a 'splosion like that. I may prefer--yes--"Body Double". honeybuny -- De gustibus, of course, but I would put the following directors in the "more entertaining" category over QT: Everybody at Pixar, everybody at Ghibli, everybody at Aardman, Momoru Hosoda, Matthew Vaughn (Kingsman, Kick-Ass), the Coen Brothers, probably Spielberg, Denis Villeneuve (Enemies, Prisoners, Sicario), Chris McQuarrie (MI5, Jack Reacher, Way of the Gun), oh, totes George Miller, John Erick Dowdle (Elevator, Devil, No Escape)... I could go on, but I think the point is: I don't find QT entertaining. =P

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:50 AM (7zeA4)

297 Also some people like those affectations, but not when QT does them. Or only sometimes. I believe most movie reviewers have a gut reaction to the movie and then use whatever knowledge of film they have to back-justify their gut reaction. (Kind of like people do in other areas, IYKWIMAITYD.) That's why with "Pulp Fiction" (the last QT movie I've seen), I said straight up, "I don't know why I liked this and why QT's other movies annoy me." There probably is technique at work here, and we're just talking about the threshold where the technique isn't enough to overwhelm the annoyance.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:54 AM (7zeA4)

298 Plus, YMMV on whether you like his idea that movies should announce themselves as movies -- that they shouldn't try to immerse you in some kind of reality, but instead serve mainly as a commentary on other movies and a meta-commentary on their own movie-ness. I think it's that Treasure Hunt aspect to Tarantino's movies that make them such critic bait. Ooooh, look there's that shot from "Stagecoach". Ahh, that scene references the stabbing in Argento's "The Inferno". All that useless knowledge suddenly maka you looka smart. And it's an ego boost. Still, there's no denying the talent there. Otherwise, with all the winking and self-announced fakery, you wind up with "Zardoz" and not "Pulp Fiction".

Posted by: naturalfake at March 30, 2016 09:55 AM (0cMkb)

299 naturalfake -- I totally agree with you AND YET I still can't explain why I don't find it entertaining. I'm the kind of guy who would do that. Instead, I just get bored. It's the difference between: "I've seen that!" and "I've seen that."

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 09:57 AM (7zeA4)

300 Huh.  John Dykstra is a visual effects guy, I had no idea he did makeup.

I guess this movie did one thing smartly--the studio opened a winter-set movie in the winter.  As opposed to Carpenter's film, which should have opened in the winter (imagine leaving the theatre with all those mask-clad anonymous people).  Instead it opened in the height of summer.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 30, 2016 10:19 AM (AroJD)

301 Inglourious Basterds or whatever it was called was what broke me of any interest in Tarantino movies. Heck, I kinda liked the Kill Bill movies, although I wouldn't claim they were any kind of art. Amusing trash, really. But that Why-are-you-watching-war-movies-you-evil-prick-die-in-a-fire-like-these-fucking-Nazis film-length rant just... screw you Quentin. You don't invite me into your house and scream at me for over two hours about how I ought to be ashamed to patronize your bullshit. I kinda felt the same way about Cabin in the Woods, except Whedon and his buttmonkeys had built up a lot of good will with me by that point. Age of Ultron and Much Ado About Nothing kinda cancelled each other out, so I'm still a little lukewarm on the subject of Whedon right now... Oh, and the Carpenter The Thing is a vastly better adaptation of the short story than that 50s wet-noodle version, which was pretty damn lame. Carpenter can blow hot and cold for me, but The Thing was one of his better Films. Basically, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China, They Live, and Prince of Darkness - the rest of 'em can go hang.

Posted by: Mitch H. at March 30, 2016 10:20 AM (jwKxK)

302 "He never says in three words what he can say in twelve" LOL...projecting much? I had to check the byline 3 times to make sure I read that right. hahahaha

Posted by: phadedjaded at March 30, 2016 10:22 AM (ZQrUp)

303 Not singling you out, phad, but why is it that morons/ettes feel the need to comment on the lengthiness of Ace's movie reviews? Obviously, I'm biased, because I =like= them, and movie stuff in general, but it seems like every one I'm in has to have half-a-dozen comments about "tl;dr". Why not just skip it? Without rancor, just curious.

Posted by: moviegique at March 30, 2016 10:32 AM (7zeA4)

304 I'm pretty sure Tarantino is a gun grabber. I'm pretty sure I have no interest in making someone like that wealthier.

Posted by: I R A Darth Aggie at March 30, 2016 10:49 AM (1hM1d)

305 Nice review. I skipped this movie because Tarantino said some dumb-@$$ thing about cops re:#blacklivesmatter right before the movie came out. 2 things wrong about that: 5) boycotts are don't really work and *) Tarantino is always saying something stupid. So now I have to watch it. Actually now I have to watch 2 movies. Thanks, Ace!

Posted by: sinalco at March 30, 2016 12:04 PM (yODqO)

306

Hey great review. Now I actually want to see this movie.

I've been on a Kurt Russell retrospective with my kids.

Watching the Barefoot Executive and the Computer Who Wore Tennis Shoes.    Great stuff.  

Is it true that the last writing of Walt Disney was found on is desk a  note pad that said  -- "Kurt Russell"  ?

 

 

Posted by: simplemind at March 30, 2016 12:11 PM (C6xeQ)

307 >>>Is it true that the last writing ofWalt Disney was found on is desk a note pad that said-- "Kurt Russell" ? i don't know. i've read that, though.

Posted by: ace at March 30, 2016 12:29 PM (dciA+)

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