March 31, 2005

The Flame War Thread
— Ace

Go ahead; it's about time.

Let's be honest: I don't like any of you, and you don't like each other. Which I can understand, because you're a bunch of dribbling imbeciles, a pack of wild retards fighting with one another over who can best manage to stay within the lines while colorin'.

You can have your stupid moron-talk in this thread. It seems wrong to have you simpering fuckweasels jackassing around in a thread that is partly devoted to the death of Terri Schiavo.

So have at it, cretins. I wash my hands of the lot of you.

Thread Ended. Flame War Suspended. Until you guys annoy me again.

Posted by: Ace at 11:21 AM | Comments (259)
Post contains 117 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I really have nothing to say - and I mean that! So there!

Posted by: Mikey at March 31, 2005 11:25 AM (O9Cc8)

2 I'll start off with something from the other thread:

(man, Dave, you're being dissed for someone who doesn't even blog anymore.)

Well, don't get me wrong. I also don't like Dave very much, and of course I have plenty of derogatory things to say about him.

But let's be honest: I'm like a starting cornerback, and Dave's... well, you know, Dave's up in the bleachers with the band-dorks, thinking anybody gives a shit that they're playing some sort of "funked out" version of Louie, Louie.

I mean, okay, for a band dork, yeah, he's lead trumpet and all, but let's face it, when the game's over I'm gonna be the one getting a hummer on the back of the team bus and Dave's gonna be talking to his acne-scarred friends about how they "really kicked it up and got the crowd going" during the four-minute percussion solo in Some Like It Hot.

I considered copying Dave's various insipid rejoinders to me, until I realized how far beneath me that would be.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 11:26 AM (Q6+G6)

3 Ace, I want to smother you with tender kisses!

Valerie

Posted by: at March 31, 2005 11:27 AM (kItDC)

4 Valerie,

Not gonna happen, toots. In the words of Cheap Trick, "Momma told me, yes she told me, there'd be girls like you; she also told me stay away you never know what you'll catch."

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 11:28 AM (Q6+G6)

5 {Becuase someone had to say it...}
C'mon guys, can't we all just get along????

Posted by: McDirty at March 31, 2005 11:30 AM (YNJZw)

6 Fuck!!!!!!!

Fuck fuck fuck shit balls fuck shit balls fuck fuck fuck fuck. You don't fucking fuck fuck shit blogger shit fuck fuck. Hitler Nazi shit fuck fuck shit fuck balls ass Ace fuck shit shit.

So fuck. And Shit!

Posted by: Flame this at March 31, 2005 11:35 AM (qtaD8)

7 Finally. We loose these shackles of civilized behavior and return to the Hobbesian state of nature INTERNET always intended.

Two bloggers enter, one blogger leaves.

So it begins.

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 11:37 AM (rV7Dk)

8 To begin, please permit me to say this to all of Ace's loyal readers:

I fucking hate all of you.

Dickwads.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 11:39 AM (rV7Dk)

9 God I hate you guys...

Posted by: Eric at March 31, 2005 11:39 AM (lSPur)

10 Ace, I'm just a cheerleader in this thunderdome. Having very little irons in the fire (existing on very few blogrolls) I don't really feel I have the pony-up money to enter this.

Posted by: carin at March 31, 2005 11:40 AM (vQp+Q)

11 But, for the record, you're all fucking losers.

Posted by: carin at March 31, 2005 11:41 AM (vQp+Q)

12 Dave,

One thing to remember when fighting Ace.

He has Johnny Coldcuts writing all his best stuff for him.

I mean if it was Man to Man....and you were able to convince us you qualified....then maybe you would stand a chance.

But Man against Man and his Trash talking, smack addicted, time travelling, ham sandwich ,bastard lovechild?

Them are some pretty heavy odds, my soon to be de-linked friend.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 11:41 AM (ywZa8)

13 The nice thing about Dave is that... is there really any point de-linking him?

You see what I'm saying? You get where I'm going with this?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 11:42 AM (Q6+G6)

14 funny enough, yesterday I clicked on the LGF link to Treacher. It goes to tracher's old site that was mothballed after the Mox-on-Mox battle royale of 2003 (someone actually got FIRED over that shit)

Ahh, everything old is new again.

And you all are a bunch of ball sniffing, asscrack licking, pussy-cheese eating dickwads who couldn't tell an asshole from their mothers mouth and have used both interchangably in the past.

Except Cedarford. He's a nice guy.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 11:43 AM (2da3S)

15 Dave at Garfield Ridge:

My feelings exactly. Now die, all of you.

VTY,
Mikey

Posted by: Mikey at March 31, 2005 11:43 AM (O9Cc8)

16 If God were to give the blogosphere an enema, FootballFansForTruth is where the hose would be inserted.

Posted by: BrewFan at March 31, 2005 11:45 AM (Byr3j)

17 Y'see... would Emillio Estevez bother "de-linking" Anthony Michael Hall in The Breakfast Club? See, no, he wouldn't. Anthony Michael Hall barely exists to Emillio Estevez, except as someone who worships him as if a GOD, and as some idiot whose vote he can count on for Prom King if he just limits himself to giving him three or four wedgies a semester.

You understand the subtle point I'm trying to delicately elide here?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 11:49 AM (Q6+G6)

18 Ace, I give you your first Instalanch and this is what it's come to? Come on Fredo, get in the boat.

Posted by: Ken J at March 31, 2005 11:50 AM (lIVm5)

19 Hobgoblin, bite me, you fruit monkey.

Posted by: See-Dubya at March 31, 2005 11:50 AM (mL2wb)

20 (Jumps from wheelchair and swings jackal-headed cane wildly.)

You want some of this Klingon nasty?

Posted by: Michael Ansana at March 31, 2005 11:50 AM (BPhem)

21
Master Blaster run Barter Town!

Say it!

LOUDER!

Posted by: The Colossus at March 31, 2005 11:51 AM (0B3lJ)

22 Jack M:

First off, I hope you get seat worms.

Second off, I'm not afraid of a *fucking sandwich*. I eat sandwiches.

Now, that Hoke Malokey-- I'm afraid of him. Because, unlike Ace, the guy can actually construct a sentence without copying an example from Josh Marshall.

But pieces of meat between doughy bread? I might as well piss myself in fear of Oliver Willis.

As for proving my manliness, why would a real man have to do such a thing? I don't need to brag, not when the women do it for me.

It's like Wilt Chamberlain once said: "I hope Dave leaves me some fee's for the rest of us."

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. You know who I also hate? Left-handed people. Fuck all of them commie weirdos.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 11:54 AM (rV7Dk)

23 1. All of your haikus smell like ass. OK? You all suck, and I am just superior in every fucking way. Got it? Nevermind. Who cares what you think.

2. The only reason I visit you simian retards over here is to reinforce my belief in evolution. It is painfully clear that some of you animals just crawled from the primordial soup like last week.

Ahhhhhh I feel better

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 11:56 AM (RldyP)

24 [begin Guy LeDouche voice]

Ewwww, see-duuuubb, I zee you are without, shall we say, "fruits" at the moment. Your bannana looks morelike a zmall plum, and the fuzzy peach looks to be more of a piiit.

/Guy leDouche

Now, see-dub, as a fellow former Michigander, I know you are just some degenerate meth smoking, redneck, mulleted burnout , trying desperately to climb away from your Jackson State Pen roots. It's OK though, cuz you dad really loved those conjugal visits from your uncle.


Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 11:56 AM (2da3S)

25 Actually Ace,

To take your point further, I believe that Emilio Estevez got Anthony Michael Hall to do his freakin' detention homework assignment for him.

Not that I ever watched the limp dicked, goth-driven, teenage angst films that shaped your pissant world view.

But, yeah, Dave is your bitch. When he's worth acknowledging. Which is never.

But as far as I'm concerned? Allah owns you all.

Punk sissy nancy boys. You disgust me.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 11:57 AM (ywZa8)

26 In the absence of any personal animosities toward anyone present, I would like to share the following Usenet classic in hopes of inspiring all participants. I'm sure many of you will be familiar with it, but it may be new to some.

If it's not, then fuck you.
================================

You vulgar little maggot. Don't you know that you're pathetic? You worthless bag of filth. As they say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were on the heel.

You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. A fetid pus-oozing festering boil on the anus of humanity. If the universe were nothing but K-Y jelly, you would be a grain of sand in it.

You are a fiend and a sniveling, spineless coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just knowing you exist. I despise everything about you. You are a bloody nardless newbie twit protohominid chromosomally aberrant caricature of a coprophagic cloacal parasitic pond scum. And I wish you would go away.

You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel. Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a putrefaction, a big suck on a sour lemon with a lime twist.

You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in regret for what they had done.

I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformation. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, a ferment, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

You snail-skulled little twit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. Your hand refuses autoerotism. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. You are the epitome of conceit; the flea, floating down a river with an erection, screaming to those that care, "Open up the damn drawbridge".

And what meaning do you expect your delusional self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake?

You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious. You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a puerile one-handed slack-jawed drooling meat slapper.

On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

If the sum total of all the knowledge, experience and wisdom that you have acquired in your stay thus far on earth were rolled into one great big ball and shoved up a gnat's asshole, there would be so much room left over that it would roll around like a BB in a boxcar.

I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid so stupid that it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape kind of stupid. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on the warm side of Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know. I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupid for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of your drivel.

Maybe later in life, after you have learned to think, read, write, spell, count and wipe your ass you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this world who find these things more difficult. If I had known, that this was your case then I would have never read your post. It just wouldn't have been "right". Sort of like parking in a handicapped space. I wish you the best of luck in the intellectual struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you (like passing gas, for instance).

You, sir, have shown yourself to be an apogenous, bovaristic, coprolalial, dasypygal, excerebro, facinorous, gnathonic, hircine, ityphallic, jumentous, kyphotic, labrose, mephitic, napiform, oligophrenial, papuliferous, quisquilian, rebarbative, saponaceous, thersitical, unguinous, ventripotent, wlatsome, xylocephaloous, yirning zoophyte.

I'm sure the other fine folks can figure it out much more rapidly than you ever will so, I'll give you the meanings of them before your tiny snail-skulled head implodes.

It is to say, are you an impotent, conceited, obscene, hairy-buttocked, brainless, wicked, toadying, goatish, indecent, stable-smelling, hunchbacked, thicklipped, stinking, turnip-shaped, feeble-minded, pimply, trashy, repellent, smarmy, foul-mouthed, greasy, gluttonous, loathsome, wooden-headed, whining, extremely low form of animal life.

In short, if I traded you for shit, I would lose the container I brought you in.

May you be cornholed nightly by mushroom-colored dwarves.

Otherwise, have a good day.

Posted by: apotheosis at March 31, 2005 11:58 AM (cx2FY)

27 Has the level of discussion actually sunk to the point where ace needs to officially devote an entire thread to insults and flame-throwing?

This is a sad day.

ps: Cedarford is a douchebag.

Posted by: Log Cabin at March 31, 2005 11:59 AM (E6hSy)

28 It's called ca-thar-sis, LC.

you ignorant slut.

And you leave Cedarford alone! He's the nicest guy on Ace's boards. And the smartest. And I'm just soooo into him.

Posted by: Pat HO'Brien at March 31, 2005 12:03 PM (2da3S)

29 Allah reminds me of the Robin Williams character in The Best of Times, a one-time prospect who made a bad fumble and who's no longer in the game but still haunted by his mistake, haunting high school football fields like a loathesome ghost, paying hookers to hear him cry about "when he used to be somebody on INTERNET."

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:11 PM (Q6+G6)

30 I'm so glad everyone's using The Breakfast Club analogy, as Ace is such a huge fan of John Hughes.

Why, just the other day he told me that he gets "a little weepy" during the ending to Baby Day's Out.

And I'm sure all of you know that Ace is Mac Culkin's number one fan. Well, okay, maybe number *two* fan, but I'm sure he and MJ share the same reasons for like the kid.

As for Emilio Estevez movies. . . wasn't he in Maximum Overdrive? That movie was the shit. I want a goblin truck, or at least a goblin head for my front grille.

But in Breakfast Club? You guys actually watch that now? What a bunch of skirts.

Except for LauraW & Carin-- they wear pants, if you know what I mean. I'm just sayin'.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. So, which one of you sorry fucks will be the first to die of scabies?

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 12:11 PM (rV7Dk)

31 And, also, I banged his sister up the squeakhole and she gave me a bad dose of clap.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:12 PM (Q6+G6)

32 None of you cretinous assholes is worth the flop sweat under Oliver Willis' man-titties.

Posted by: Sean M. at March 31, 2005 12:13 PM (XgA/U)

33 Good one, Sean.

Yeah, these generalized insults really hurt.

I should have known better than to give over a thread to you idiots without the benefit of my firm guidance.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:14 PM (Q6+G6)

34 Flame Ace? Why bother? I find it hard to muster the effort to flame someone who won't himself muster the effort to adhere to the same rules of English grammar and spelling that even palsied, mongoloid "Special Needs" kids seem to have mastered by 5th Grade.

See, I try to limit my flames to people who can write complete sentences without omitting transitive verbs, definite articles, and crucial vowels. At least in that case I'm guaranteed a fucking intelligible response.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:15 PM (037AZ)

35 You're all a bunch of Nazi's

(might as well get that out of the way)

Now, shut yer yaps and get back to tossin my salad you smarmy naves!

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:16 PM (yHxMk)

36 I think Cedarford likes to upset people because he likes the attention. Psychologically, it's probably compensation for, well, you know...

Posted by: Lithium at March 31, 2005 12:16 PM (YOhqV)

37 Dear Fruit Monkey:

I never said I was from Michigan, just that I had family there, no doubt a result of my cutting a mile-wide swath through your kinfolks, you degenerate French-emulating Riverdancer. Nice place, Baja Canada, if you like all the culture and great weather of Greenland plus all the crime and urban blight of a much larger city. I'll bet you were a tasty little dollop of Mackinac fudge for that Jackson state crew, though.

Posted by: See-Dubya at March 31, 2005 12:18 PM (mL2wb)

38 JeffB,

True enough. It's widely agreed you have absolutely nothing whatsoever to contribute, but you contribute that fat load of zilch with impeccable grammar and spelling.

You ought to be proud. You're every bit as interesting as a persnickety martinet can be.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:18 PM (Q6+G6)

39 Well, I'll be dipped in sh*t, I come to these blogs for some intelligent, mature discourse, and this is what I find. Might as well hang out at the Survivor forums. I'm disgusted with the lot of you.

Posted by: dulce at March 31, 2005 12:19 PM (A5mpd)

40 PS, my fourth grade librarian Mrs. Hastings called. She wants her personality back.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:19 PM (Q6+G6)

41 PPS: She also says you're not getting the "oomph" out of her personality that she did.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:20 PM (Q6+G6)

42 "As for Emilio Estevez movies. . . wasn't he in Maximum Overdrive? That movie was the shit. I want a goblin truck, or at least a goblin head for my front grille."---Dave, Garfield Ridge.

When will the realization that NO ONE gives a shit about YOUR WANTS you preening, narcissistic, fucktard?

Geez, you are like Andrew Sullivan. You think the whole blogosphere revolves around you and your stupid blog about cats and lasagna. By the way, how's your emotional health today, Dave? Lord knows, it's only a matter of time before you get around to making it an issue too.

So make us all happy and STFU. It's bad enough that you and Ace have this strange sexual repulsion/attraction thing going on. Must it be aired publicly?

Damn I wish Gen Patton was here to slap both you and Ace's prison bitch asses into line. Cocksuckers, the both of ya.

I mean, not to the extent of Hobgoblin's cocksocking, but pretty damn close.

All of you inbred Deliverance rejects make me want to vomit. I'm de-linking you all.


Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 12:23 PM (ywZa8)

43 I may be a persnickety martinet, Ace, but let's be honest: at least I can take my medicine without constantly pulling out the "don't upset me! I might get a panic episode!" card.

Look, I'm not trying to say that Ace is a "delicate, flouncy flowerboy," all I'm saying is that when the guys were all hanging out together the other night trying to figure out what to do, it was Ace who suggested we ought to "go to the piano bar at 8:00 and sing showtunes."

I'm just saying, is all.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:23 PM (037AZ)

44 I say we direct our ire to those that really deserve it - those jerks who keep popping in and lecturing us. Who the fuck do they think they are? Didn't the read the original post? Are they entirely lacking in the smallest bit of wit?

And, for the record, Dave - I am not wearing PANTS ... I prefer to blog naked.

Posted by: carin at March 31, 2005 12:25 PM (obvcA)

45 "don't upset me! I might get a panic episode!" card.The lady doth protest too much...

(*zing* - cuttin close to the bone jeff b is)

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:26 PM (yHxMk)

46 cuttin close to the bone jeff b is

Well perhaps, but then again Johnny Jitters did compare me to Ms. Hastings.


(on the other hand, maybe some lines shouldn't be crossed?)

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:28 PM (037AZ)

47 Oh, I don't mind a joke about my panic attacks.

It reminds me of something interesting about JeffB... wait a minute, there isn't anything interesting about JeffB.

Nevermind.

It's bad enough that you and Ace have this strange sexual repulsion/attraction thing going on.

I assure you the "attraction" part is all on Dave's side. I don't swing that way for no one, pal.

Well... maybe Hugh Jackman. But that is it! End of the list!

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:30 PM (Q6+G6)

48 JeffB - uncalled for.

I may not have any talent as a writer, but I do as a reader. You went over the line. You are an ass. Do you feel better now? Are you a big man now? Why don't you go kick a dog to prove to us your superiority.

I went to some stupid blog yesterday where the comments were all about raping Terri Shaivo. Sounds like a site you'd like to visit.

Posted by: johnd01 at March 31, 2005 12:30 PM (T1kPt)

49 Let's be honest though Ace, I've seen monkey shit fights better organized than this blog...

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:30 PM (yHxMk)

50 No, no, no! No need for that. This is a flame war.

Besides, I'm genuinely not sensitive about the panic thing. If I were sensitive about it, I wouldn't have written about it.

Leave JeffB alone. The way people usually do, at parties, at work, at home, in stuck elevators when there's nothing to do but talk to each other, etc.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:32 PM (Q6+G6)

51 Hmmm....

Whose opinion do I value more on this issue?

Ace of Spades, or a man named Johndo1?

Give me some time to get back with an answer about whose opinion is more authoritative.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:33 PM (037AZ)

52 what a little suck-ass you are.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:34 PM (Q6+G6)

53 Nobody cares, Carin.
Except perhaps the people who know you, that are vomiting at the thought of your puffy, blue-striped legs spread like twin wheels of gorgonzola over a chair before your computer. A fabric chair. *shudder*

Your flaccid, sack-like breasts draped casually on either side of your keyboard as you tap-tap-tap inept witticisms to an unwilling audience.

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 12:34 PM (RldyP)

54 Hey, JeffB-- there's a personality element you can run with! Suck-ass!

It's not much, but you can't beat somethin' with nothin'.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:35 PM (Q6+G6)

55 Ooh a flame thread.
Its like being in the special olympics. You win, you're still a 'tard.

Posted by: Iblis at March 31, 2005 12:35 PM (ttEQj)

56 carin says she's pantless and her blog goes down. WTF?

this thread is useless without pics.

and Jack, your analingus is the talk of three states. Don't talk to me about anything

(and I think johnd01 is missing the point here)

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 12:35 PM (2da3S)

57 DISCLAIMER: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY DO NOT CLICK THIS LINK IF YOU ARE AT WORK!!!!!!!!!!

SERIOUSLY.

I'm NOT FUCKING AROUND.

[Edited. Nope, not again, FatKid.]

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:36 PM (yHxMk)

58 lauraw wins the thread.

ouch.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 12:37 PM (2da3S)

59 Fat Kid,

Nope, sorry, not even with a warning.

It's too sick.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:38 PM (Q6+G6)

60 Shush. I'm cringing over here, waiting for it to hit the fan. LOL

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 12:38 PM (RldyP)

61 Then again, I know you're all a bunch of sniveling mongoloids who have to taste anything put in front of you, so have fun getting fired from your jobs.

PS I'm so getting banned for that last link.

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:40 PM (yHxMk)

62 Aww man, c'mon it's my calling card. You've got your Ace 'o Spades, I've got... ... ... tubgirl.


Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:42 PM (yHxMk)

63 Leave JeffB alone. The way people usually do, at parties, at work, at home, in stuck elevators when there's nothing to do but talk to each other, etc.

Ha. Ace should talk about parties. You should see this guy in action because it's like unintentional sketch comedy. He can't get two minutes into a conversation with a girl - ANY girl, even the fat ones or the flat ones - without twitching compulsively, blossoming flop-sweats underneath his work-shirt, and saying something like "so, does anyone else think Kim Richards peaked with Meatballs II? Because seriously, I think her turn in Tuff Turf while often held up as her defining work, is actually overrated."

I've never seen party chit-chat killed stone-dead the way that sort of thing does. Even better is when he uses The Thing as his opening gambit ("What, you've never seen it? It's AWESOME. There's this scene where a guy's body just splits open and turns into a pustulating biomass with teeth, and tears this guy's fucking arms off!!")

PS: And Ace, no matter what anyone has told you, "Hey, would you like to come upstairs and touch my +3 Bag of Holding?" is not a "surefire" pick-up line.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:43 PM (037AZ)

64 Hey FK what was that, an ad for Excitable Andy?

Posted by: Iblis at March 31, 2005 12:44 PM (ttEQj)

65 Hobbledgoblin,

No argument here about my analingus being the talk of three states: I can't help it that your Mom lives in Arkansas, your Wife in Mississippi, and your sister in Louisiana.

Now get back to alphabetically categorizing your wife's vibrator collection. I understand you left off between the ones named "I wish I had married you instead of Hobgoblin" and "I don't understand why Hobgoblin is so into goats".

Oh yeah, she just got out of the shower and asked me to remind you to pick up some tampons for her on the way home.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 12:45 PM (ywZa8)

66 By the way, I'm not saying Ace has maturity issues when it comes to the ladies, but I do remember that when one girl told him to get lost and walked away, he started pelting her from behind with smushed-up bread-balls and screaming "LIGHTNING BOLT!! LIGHTNING BOLT! "

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:46 PM (037AZ)

67 Look, Lauraw, just because you got mistaken for a German wrestler once, doesn't mean you have to take out your pain on me. If you could get that mustache shaved, and your back waxed once and while, perhaps someday, you'll discover the joy of sex with an actual person (versus farm animals and battery operated "devices.")

Posted by: carin at March 31, 2005 12:48 PM (obvcA)

68 sigh...

Chicks are no good with insults.

Because chicks... are dumb.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 12:50 PM (Q6+G6)

69 And yet you seem to manage so well, Ace.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 12:54 PM (037AZ)

70 (Ok, I admit it Lauraw's was a lot better then mine ... I need more practice at this.) BUT, you know FUCK HER. And you too.

Posted by: carin at March 31, 2005 12:54 PM (obvcA)

71 Half-cocked Jack,

Sorry the syphylis has finally started to take hold. It won't be long now, though. Soon you won't even remember your life behind the glory hole of a San Fran bathhouse.

And the truckers that you hitch rides from to my mom's to my sister's to my wife's place all agree that you toss one mean salad. So at least we all agree.


Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 12:57 PM (2da3S)

72 Hey hobgoblin, your dad still makin you pay for your sisters abortion?

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 12:59 PM (yHxMk)

73 Yeah, it's good your dad likes paying to be a bottom or I might have to get a job

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 01:01 PM (2da3S)

74 Jeff B,

With the way Ace sees Internet funnies, he won't get your 'Lighning Bolt!' joke for another year.

Posted by: Dale at March 31, 2005 01:04 PM (VE3QR)

75 Hey Jack, any truth to the rumor about your mom being a camp follower for the Icelandic army?

Posted by: See-Dubya at March 31, 2005 01:05 PM (mL2wb)

76 With the way Ace sees Internet funnies, he won't get your 'Lighning Bolt!' joke for another year.

You're fucking telling me? Last week Ace E-mailed me with a subject header of "LOOK AT THIS TOTALLY GROSS PIC!" and a link to goatse.cx.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:05 PM (037AZ)

77 LauraW, Carin-- I insult the two of you, and what do you do? You start insulting each other.

Just like fucking chicks. Always losing focus at the most critical times.

"No honey, you're supposed to turn left, not right. Yes dear, I know this, because I *read maps.*"

"Darling, why don't you wipe that off before you talk on the phone. Your mother would freak out if she saw you now."

"Less talking, sweetie. C'mon. Shhh, already. What. . . what's with the hands? Chrissakes, it's not a pickle jar! Dammit, forget it, I'll take care of that myself. Just go make a fucking pizza already."

Anyways, if you two ladies want to stop catfighting for a moment, I hear Ace says women who don't shave their privates are just asking for genital warts. I think he's talking about you, so I'd get after him.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

P.S. You know what? Ace pees sitting down. There, I said it.

"

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 01:14 PM (mrpxK)

78 Apple computers suck.

Posted by: Hoodlumman at March 31, 2005 01:15 PM (1iJzK)

79 Well Jeff, you can reply to him with tubgirl and lemonparty. I'm sure Ace hasn't seen those yet.

Posted by: Dale at March 31, 2005 01:18 PM (VE3QR)

80 I dont know if Dale's spoofing on "Ace", or if he can't read - but hey man, i posted tubgirl about 20 posts up...

Posted by: fat kid at March 31, 2005 01:25 PM (yHxMk)

81 I'm pretty sure Ace wasin lemon party.

Posted by: Sean M. at March 31, 2005 01:29 PM (XgA/U)

82 Are you guys playing cards?

Posted by: Kent at March 31, 2005 01:30 PM (oPLPa)

83 Oh, you assholes. I hadn't seen "tubgirl."

Thank the Lord it was just a GIS with little small thumbs.

Ugh, I still feel traumatized.

Moderate safe search was DEFINITELY not working

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 01:31 PM (2da3S)

84 Dave at Garfield Ridge

>What. . . what's with the hands? Chrissakes, it's not a pickle jar!

Surely you meant a gherkin jar?

Posted by: Velvet Yule at March 31, 2005 01:33 PM (6mUkl)

85 Nah, See-Dub, she's too busy trying to get you evicted from her basement.

She's tired of the male prostitution ring you keep running down there. The neighbors are complaining, and Hobgoblin keeps showing up.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 01:33 PM (1W1ap)

86 What's wrong, Ace? Can't think of any insults to post? All out of inspiration?

That's okay, you can just post a link to a good put-down you made back in May 2004.

You know, back when you were funny.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:34 PM (037AZ)

87 Guys, please don't post not safe for work links or even search terms. Yeah, someone has to search to find it, but you know it's an irresistible enticement. If you're going to post the thing to search for, at least provide a strong NSFW warning

That "t--girl" thing is just foul. I haven't seen the other one, but I think I'm going to avoid it.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:34 PM (Q6+G6)

88 Sorry fat kid, I didn't read through all of the comments, so I missed your tubgirl post. Just spoofing on Ace.

Posted by: Dale at March 31, 2005 01:35 PM (VE3QR)

89 JeffB.,

You bore me.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:36 PM (Q6+G6)

90 Now that actually stung.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:37 PM (037AZ)

91 Ace,

Here's SFW explaination of "shock sites". At least it doesn't have pictures. Definitely avoid lemonparty.

Posted by: Dale at March 31, 2005 01:39 PM (VE3QR)

92 Well, the "repost something from back when you were funny" kinda stung too.

This thread is just too hurtful.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:40 PM (Q6+G6)

93 Idiots. The savage power of my flame threw Carin's blog offline. But I guess its too much to expect you drooling dopes to notice such a thing.

And Dave, that thing on the side of one of your chins? It's not a 'beauty mark,' and I think its kind of sick that you insist on calling it that. Seriously, it looks like a blackened cornish game hen. That's not normal. See a doctor.

But before you go, you should tie a rag to a stick and see if you can scrub up a little.

People, the man is funkier than George Clinton. It ain't right.

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 01:41 PM (+7VNs)

94 You know the only reason people pretend to like your haikus is that they imagine you have big cans, right?

I mean-- that had to occur to you, right? You couldn't be that dumb, could you?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:44 PM (Q6+G6)

95 Well, the "repost something from back when you were funny" kinda stung too.

This thread is just too hurtful.


It's hard to know if you're being serious or not here (after all, this IS the flamewar thread), but if you were, I actually am sorry - I was just reaching for the most convenient insult, and your repost of the Berger stuff (with the intentionally over-the-top self praise) gave me inspiration. Trust me, you're definitely still funny. Regularly. I wouldn't be buying a friggin' T-shirt if I didn't think so.

(sorry to break the mood with a sincere post)

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:46 PM (037AZ)

96 Jesus, what a homo!

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:47 PM (Q6+G6)

97 Hey, JeffB., LauraW just called. She wants her vagina back.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:47 PM (Q6+G6)

98 She can have it when I'm done cleaning the lice out of it.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:48 PM (037AZ)

99 Carin and bbeck and Dianna want theirs back, too.

Apparently you're just a walking heap of vaginas.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:48 PM (Q6+G6)

100 Jesus, what a homo!

Says the man who pathetically tries to cover up his own leanings with gestures towards hypermasculine Norsemen and the cock of Kansas' Greatest Senator.

Let's Be Honest: Ace is obsessed with Excitable Andy for a reason. You used to be his 'little beagle,' didn't you?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:50 PM (037AZ)

101 Carin and bbeck and Dianna want theirs back, too.

Apparently you're just a walking heap of vaginas.


Well at least ONE of us has gotten some p***y in their lives.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:52 PM (037AZ)

102 Carin and Lauraw must be pseudonyms. Everyone knows that girls are too dumb to use computers. You know, just like everyone knows that fat kid molests german shepherds.

Posted by: at March 31, 2005 01:52 PM (E6hSy)

103 I find it hard to trust anybody named "fat kid." Anybody who's embraced their filthy, disgusting slovenliness like that is probably cool with all sorts of other loathsome shit. Anyone else here surprised that he's "Mr. T*bgirl?"

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 01:54 PM (037AZ)

104 What on earth would compel you to show any sort of human empathy in this thread?

Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're a fuckin' retard.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 01:54 PM (Q6+G6)

105 Y'know ace, I'll flame myself for the t----rl one. I never bothered to click on the go----x link when it was floating around, as I knew it was hideous. I had just hoped---foolishly---that something with *girl in the title couldn't be ALL bad.

Oh what a dumb fuck I was.

And Jeffb, we don't even need to insult you. You're just pathetic all on your own.

; P (so you don't get your feelings hurt)

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 01:58 PM (2da3S)

106 ; P (so you don't get your feelings hurt)

"Well, Lord knows I'm not easy to offend."

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:00 PM (037AZ)

107 Lice, Jeff? Weak. Very weak flame. Is that all you could come up with?
Are you through showing us your thenthitive side?

Why don't you go put Steel Magnolias in the DVD and have a good cry, mm' kay?

Then come back here and throw down, sissy.

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 02:01 PM (+7VNs)

108 Lice, Jeff? Weak. Very weak flame. Is that all you could come up with?

Are you through showing us your thenthitive side?


I wasn't going to talk about the pus-oozing twat sores and herpes scars, lauraw. But that just goes to show that chivalry is never rewarded.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:04 PM (037AZ)

109 Please don't take this the wrong way, but you're a fuckin' retard.

See, that was actually funny the first 10 times you used it, Ace. But after the 20th repost or so it begins to lose a lot of its freshness.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:08 PM (037AZ)

110 Then come back here and throw down, sissy.

You're one to talk, laura. "Thensative side" was the best you could come up with?

I mean, if you're going to call Jeff out as a cock-snarfling, ball-gargling, ass-bandit homofag, just do it.

(Stupid bitch.)

Posted by: Sean M. at March 31, 2005 02:11 PM (XgA/U)

111 Hey Ace, come to think of it, weren't you still working on that last Haiku contest?
So how is that coming along, buddy?

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 02:13 PM (+7VNs)

112 laura still gets some props for the "gorgonzola wheel" crack.

You, Sean, just sound like your re-writing your craigslist personal ad:

BiWM iso cock-snarfling, ball-gargling, ass-bandit homofag. Contact SeanM at box#3443245

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 02:15 PM (2da3S)

113 I mean, if you're going to call Jeff out as a cock-snarfling, ball-gargling, ass-bandit homofag, just do it.

Fuckin' A, man. Because, deep down inside, who isn't? Right?

Hello?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:17 PM (037AZ)

114 Hey Ace, come to think of it, weren't you still working on that last Haiku contest?
So how is that coming along, buddy?


You fucking whore.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:18 PM (Q6+G6)

115 JeffB,

All in good fun, I hope you know. When I said that "kinda stung," I meant "That was a good one, in a sadly funny-because-it's-true kinda way."

But seriously-- never, never show any emotion or humanity to another guy. And I'm not sure it's a good thing to show it to women, either, unless you're trying to get into their pants, or it's your mom. Or it's Allah's mom, and you're trying to get into her pants.

Didn't you learn anything on the playground?

That's MY contribution to your PayPal tipjar of personal development, buddy. You'll thank me for this lesson one day.

Well, you'll thank me silently. Don't thank me out loud, or I'll call you a fuckin' queerbait.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:21 PM (Q6+G6)

116 See, that was actually funny the first 10 times you used it, Ace. But after the 20th repost or so it begins to lose a lot of its freshness.

That kinda stung, JeffB.

This thread has become too hurtful.


(Pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease...! I know he wants to... Let him let him let him let him...)

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:23 PM (Q6+G6)

117 Ace,

is it more or less hurtful than when you got assrammed by Downtown Lad in the "loft"?

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 02:24 PM (2da3S)

118 Hey-- you guys realize I chickened out from throwing down with Downtown Lad?

Are you too afraid of hurting my feelings to bring that up?

I'm positively swimming in pussyboys.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:26 PM (Q6+G6)

119 Fucking lame, Ace. You just had to let your inner 13-year-old girl show, didn't you? Couldn't help it, just had to let me know it was all right.

Anka told me he thinks you have no fucking heart OR "conscious."

Hey, and he spells "conscious" the same way you probably would too!

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:26 PM (037AZ)

120 I think pretty much everyone on this site, except for me of course, is one-time member of The Cure.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:27 PM (Q6+G6)

121 Ace of Spades HQ

Male readers/contributors: 1

Female readers/contributors: 3999

I've got to start peddling AoS Feminine Deodorant Spray.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:28 PM (Q6+G6)

122 JeffB,

Nah, see, I didn't want to hurt your girlish feelings too much, but I still zinged you, just to let you know that, come what may, I wouldn't give up a carton of Pall Malls to save you from a pack of vicious wolves.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:30 PM (Q6+G6)

123 "I think pretty much everyone on this site, except for me of course, is one-time member of The Cure."

yep, cuz you're MORRISSEY, home-bot.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 02:30 PM (2da3S)

124 Ace, I find it hard to believe that you've ever "chickened out" from throwing some gay cock down your throat.

And giving JeffB his own personal rimjob in public is just plain sad

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 02:33 PM (2da3S)

125 Damn, y'all just suck. This is what a real flame looks like.

See? Substance and invective, not to mention some understanding of rhetorical technique. Put some effort into it.

The girl and I are off to dinner now. Try not to make each other cry too much, kids.

Posted by: Megan at March 31, 2005 02:39 PM (6GlEz)

126 What a shock. A chick says "Here's a real flame," and then provides the URL to the wrong page.

Coincidence?

No. Because chicks... are dumb.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:41 PM (Q6+G6)

127 Only a chick would think the rest of the world isn't too fucking busy to REGISTER VIA EMAIL for a random message board.

Because women never have to do a lick of work. They just sit around the house during the day doing their nails and chatting online. Lazy bints.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:45 PM (037AZ)

128 I think pretty much everyone on this site, except for me of course, is one-time member of The Cure.

Yup. Ace didn't get into the band because he because he couldn't live up to the ethic behind "Boy Don't Cry." Although he was intimately acquainted with the feeling of "10:15 Saturday Night."

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:48 PM (037AZ)

129 Yeah, great fucking flame there Megan.

"The board administrator requires all members to log in."

DAMN! SNAP!

That hurts, really.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 02:52 PM (mrpxK)

130 Hmmmm... JeffB. knows the name of more than one The Cure song...

That's really suprising... I did not see this eventuality coming...

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 02:56 PM (Q6+G6)

131 Wait a second-- why do I keep picking on the girls, when I should be picking on Ace?

But I repeat myself.

Ace, if you had to choose, which silly little girl would you rather be?

1. Washingtonienne, and take it up the ass from a United States Senator?

2. Wonkette, and take it up the ass from Chris Matthews?

3. Jeff Gannon, and take it up the ass from Ace of Spades?

I'd choose # 3, but only because the small dick won't hurt as much.

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 02:56 PM (mrpxK)

132 I've forgotten my password! Click here!

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 02:57 PM (037AZ)

133 Hmmmm... JeffB. knows the name of more than one The Cure song...

That's really suprising... I did not see this eventuality coming...


Big talk from a man I saw praising Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me as "a stunning goth-pop tour-de-force" in a back alley yesterday.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:00 PM (037AZ)

134 Boy, those Cure songs just come tripping off your tongue, don't they?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:01 PM (Q6+G6)

135 Unfortunately, I'm a hard-core muso, so I'm familiar with the complete discographies of nearly every major band of the 60's, 70's and 80's.

Better than being a hard-core Winger fan. Perhaps you can wow us with a semi-obscure 'hair metal' reference?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:03 PM (037AZ)

136 Yeah, here's one: My favorite song is Dokken's Your Mother's A Whore and She Sucked My Cock.

I saw them perform that live in the Monsters of Metal tour.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:05 PM (Q6+G6)

137 Jeez, how did I miss this whole stellar thread? I was sneaking glimpses of your site and work (it somehow slipped past the fireawall) and everything.

You gotta be fast when you read Ace.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at March 31, 2005 03:08 PM (0XThq)

138 Ace,

How about your REAL favorite song: Whitesnake's I'm deperately trying to cover up my homosexuality by wearing make-up, fishnets, and lots of hairspray

Or maybe Slayer's I'm so trashed on cheap meth that I fucked some dude in a truckstop last night

I think that's more Ace-o-Spades style

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:09 PM (2da3S)

139 "glimpses of your site at work." Crap, this cheap Gallo table rosé is stronger than I thought.

Posted by: Andrea Harris at March 31, 2005 03:09 PM (0XThq)

140 C'mon, Ace. I know you want to advertise your super-hip '80s rock cred with a well-placed Nelson namecheck.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:10 PM (037AZ)

141 Hey Andrea you fucking cheap lush, why don't you stop trying to type with your oversized clit lips and get a fucking clue.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:10 PM (2da3S)

142 Jeez, how did I miss this whole stellar thread? I was sneaking glimpses of your site and work (it somehow slipped past the fireawall) and everything.

Oh great, and now here comes the world's most censorious blog-moderator to piss on our parade.

Why don't you just preemptively ban me over at Tim Blair's you trigger-happy harridan?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:12 PM (037AZ)

143 Oh look...Dave's back.

Nobody noticed?

Neither did I.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 03:14 PM (1W1ap)

144 oh look,

half-cocked jack still isn't funny.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:14 PM (2da3S)

145 Hobby,

You lookin' at me?

Cause if you are, and you look underneath me, you'll see you wife.

And, because she's currently got her mouth full of Jack's Love Lava, she wants you to know this:

She's leaving you for Cedarford.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 03:19 PM (1W1ap)

146 why don't you stop trying to type with your oversized clit lips

???

Have you ever... seen a vagina, son?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:21 PM (Q6+G6)

147 ohhhh... okay... my bad...

man, that's kind of embarassing...

carry on...

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:22 PM (Q6+G6)

148 And, because she's currently got her mouth full of Jack's Love Lava, she wants you to know this:

She's leaving you for Cedarford.

All of which means that you're taking sloppy seconds on Cedarford's desecrated pass-arounds, you pathetic sonofabitch.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:23 PM (037AZ)

149 Insult me all you wish, but you will never tarnish the name of the one I hold dearest . . .

Cedarford.

He's one HELL of a swell guy.

And you mom has a bit of spinach in her teeth, could you please tell her? It from her lunch, when she ate out my asshole. (I shouldn't have had the spinach for dinner last night.)

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:23 PM (2da3S)

150 trigger-happy harridan

"Harridan" and The Cure.

JeffB ain't fuckin' around anymore.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:23 PM (Q6+G6)

151 ohhhh... okay... my bad...

man, that's kind of embarassing...

carry on...

And Ace hereby unintentionally reveals that HE is the only person on this thread who has never seen a vagina.

Did I not call this twenty or so posts ago?

What's it like to never know the touch of a woman, son?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:25 PM (037AZ)

152 A-hem. Cough.

Well, it was so fuckin' easy to rip on you guys I thought I had to toss you some chum.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:26 PM (Q6+G6)

153 Ace just doesn't remember the "clit" part from the diagram that came with his pocket pussy.

Posted by: hobgobi at March 31, 2005 03:30 PM (2da3S)

154 Maybe so, JeffB.

But you know what I'm NOT doing?

Goats. My right hand. My left hand. The corpses of hobo's at the morgue. Brian Boitano. Downtown Lad. The roadie that used to tune up Slash's guitar during the "Use Your Illusion" tour. A hole in the ground. Oliver Willis' armpit. Andrew Sullivan's beagle. Liberace's brother George. The cast of the local supper clubs performance of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". The original "Rocky Horror". Michael Jackson.

Pity you cant say the same. You fuckin' Jordanian "piece"-keeper.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 03:31 PM (1W1ap)

155 What's it like to never know the touch of a woman, son?---JeffB.

How many here think that JeffB probably can answer the following question:

"What's it like to know the touch of a woman's son?"

Yep..as I thought..everyone is raising their hands...

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 03:34 PM (1W1ap)

156 But you know what I'm NOT doing?

Goats. My right hand. My left hand. The corpses of hobo's at the morgue. Brian Boitano. Downtown Lad. The roadie that used to tune up Slash's guitar during the "Use Your Illusion" tour. A hole in the ground. Oliver Willis' armpit. Andrew Sullivan's beagle. Liberace's brother George. The cast of the local supper clubs performance of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show". The original "Rocky Horror". Michael Jackson.

Pity you cant say the same. You fuckin' Jordanian "piece"-keeper.

Fuck. Even I - the victim - have to step back and tip my cap to that one.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 03:36 PM (037AZ)

157 Jack Follows it up with the creme de la creme:

"What's it like to know the touch of a woman's son?"

Ouch

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:38 PM (2da3S)

158 Ace, now you've seen a pussy in real life (not just those "cartoons" you're so fond of:

-------> JeffB

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:40 PM (2da3S)

159 Well, look, I don't want to be graphic, but the way you described it threw me. It's not the way I would describe it.

Although, I have to be honest-- I have no real idea what the hell women have going on down there, and I don't think there's a single man with a really firm idea about the geography of that region, either, at least one who didn't spend 7 years in OB/GYN training.

Women's genitals are, let's be honest, just a mess. And a vacuuming nightmare to boot.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:48 PM (Q6+G6)

160 ace,

between you and me there was some loose shit going on in that post, but I'll never admit to it. the burn in retort was just too good

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:49 PM (2da3S)

161 well, okay, if you see what I'm saying.

Good.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:50 PM (Q6+G6)

162 May as well wade into the fray here...

Jack: Things you ARE currently doing include...a board with a hole in it.

Hobgoblin: I heard you use horse sperm for hair gel.

Ace: I found some of your old poetry from high school. This one's my favorite:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Today the audio/visual club took turns f*cking my mouth.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 03:52 PM (xat8P)

163 Hey Andrew,

Thats clever. Really.

However, as I understand it, anyone that has sex with you technically qualifies as being "bored with an asshole in it".

So, really, I think I'm still better off.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 03:57 PM (1W1ap)

164 Andrew, you forgot to add that you're on the other side of jack's board with your anus to the hole.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 03:58 PM (2da3S)

165 Andrew,

Okay, I laughed. Actually, I cough/laughed.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:58 PM (Q6+G6)

166 I have a feeling, though, that that is what is known as "old, road-tested material."

Not that I haven't tossed out a few old ones here and there.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 03:59 PM (Q6+G6)

167 OK, faggots, I'm running home to all of your moms to get my cock sucked.

FOAD

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 04:04 PM (2da3S)

168 Man, I usually enjoy this blog but you homo sapiens really piss me off sometimes. WHY DOES NO ONE GIVE A RODENT'S ASS ABOUT THE FACT THAT IT'S REALLY, REALLY EVIL, BARBARIC, UGLY, PAINFUL AND GOD-AWFUL TO FRIGGIN' STARVE AND DEHYDRATE PEOPLE TO DEATH?

Must I thump each of you with my strong hind legs?? Forget EEG vs EKG! Forget perfect health vs. physical health! Forget PVS vs. mentally impaired! Forget the stupid dumb-ass flame war, it's a has-been cliche from BBS days-gone-by anyway that went out to the trash with that asinine AOL coaster. Just FOR-FUCKIN'-GET all that and deal with what's important here:

Picture yourself having a nice, liesurely day at the hospice. Then, as your favorite HBO movie comes on and dehydration begins, you start to experience extreme thirst, dry mouth and thick saliva. You become dizzy, faint and unable to stand or sit; you have severe cramping in the arms and legs as the sodium and potassium concentrations in your body goes up as fluids go down. In misery, you try to cry but there are no tears. Next you experience severe abdominal cramps, nausea and dry-heaving as your stomach and intestines dry out.

Your beloved guardian who's shacking up with someone else brings you your favorite stuffed animals (probably soft, fluffy bunnies) and grabs the remote control as the nursing staff consoles you with a nice morphine drip. By now your skin and lips are cracking and your tongue is swollen. Your nose may bleed as the mucous membranes dry out and break down while you enter this new, euphoric state so fondly remembered by former residents of Japanese prisoner-of-war camps and citizens of Somalia and Ethiopia. Your skin loses elasticity, thins and wrinkles. Your hands and feet become cold as the remaining fluids in your circulatory system are shunted to the vital organs in an attempt to stay alive. You stop urinating and have severe headaches as your brain shrinks from lack of fluids.

You become very anxious but then get progressively more lethargic. You will probably have hallucinations and seizures as your body chemistry becomes even more imbalanced. This proceeds to coma before death occurs. The final event as the blood pressure becomes almost undetectable is a major heart arrhythmia that stops your heart from pumping. Nuff said?

Now cut the crap and go sit in the corner until you can figure out how to help change your state laws that allow this shit.

...Just an ordinary RaBBiT.

Posted by: The RaBBiT at March 31, 2005 04:06 PM (cseoU)

169 "Road-tested", maybe...but if that's the case then this whole thread feels like an Aerosmith concert. I suppose, when it comes right down to it, that there are really only so many variations on the whole I-violated-your-mother-in-a-particularly-vile-fashion theme.
This is not to say, of course, that new ones should not be sought out...

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 04:08 PM (xat8P)

170 RaBBit, you've talked me into it. Tomorrow I'm putting in my two-weeks notice at the Board-With-A-Hole-In-It factory, and going into politics.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 04:16 PM (xat8P)

171 No offense, RaBBiT, but you walked into the wrong fucking thread....

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 04:17 PM (037AZ)

172 Wow. I'm about to leave and I see someone has never heard of giving it a fucking rest.

YOur vitrolic outrage is fine, rabbit, biut some folks can't keep up such an incandescent form of righteous anger.

Maybe you're just blessed.

Why don't you go give Hundred"I'm gonna tell everyone what to do"Percenter a call. He's on your wavelength a bit more than we.

Some human beings need to take a break from things now and again to stay sane.

Sanctimonius ass.

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 04:19 PM (2da3S)

173 It doesn't take Sigmund Freud to realize that this Flamewar thread is actually the needed and logical catharsis to this whole horrible Terri Schiavo debacle.

I mean, I can't be the only one blowing off a lot of pent-up rage viciousness, right?

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 04:19 PM (037AZ)

174 Hobgoblin you illiterate twat scar.

It's "SANCTIMONIOUS."

What, do I need to start wiping all y'all's idiot mouths, next? Christ on a shoestring.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 04:21 PM (037AZ)

175 no, JeffB, but you can be the only one "blowing off" the entire starting lineup of the Dallas Mavericks on a nightly basis. (and you are)

(you're right too about the catharsis)

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 04:23 PM (2da3S)

176 alright, smegma-munchers, I'm going home.

laters

Posted by: hobgoblin at March 31, 2005 04:24 PM (2da3S)

177 I wish you nothing but luck, Andrew. Now here's not nearly such a good lad, but he makes a very nice swine who writes: "I was saddened to learn that Terry Schiavo passed away today after a very public struggle over the right to life. On a lighter note I am delighted to report that her parents have decided that she will be buried behind their house, in the vegetable garden between the carrots and tomatoes........

While we are on the subject of feeding tubes I understand that the pope is receiving nutrition through a breathing tube in his nose......if only they could figure out a way to automate the fondling of small boys, he would be all set.......".

WTF is wrong with these people?? Naturally that's merely a rhetorical question which I'm sure no one here can actually answer.

==> Ordinary. RaBBiT.

Posted by: The RaBBiT at March 31, 2005 04:25 PM (cseoU)

178 It's good of you to reference Dr. Freud, JeffB.

As you know, he is often attributed with saying "sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".

In Rabbit's case though, I think he would have made a different statement, something to the effect of:

"Sometimes a carrot is just a carrot. Other times it is symbolic of The RaBBiT's desire to be violated repeatedly by a gang of dildo waving prison queens."

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 04:25 PM (1W1ap)

179 Hey, Rabbit, we know. WE FUCKING KNOW, OK??

But you stepped into the flame thread, and excuse me but please fuck yourself with a refrigerator.
New, in the box.

People are suffering all over the planet.
Remember 9/11? It was a beautiful crispy blue sky that morning, the kind of day when people were happy to be alive and see it.
I stood outside and looked at the beautiful day and thought, 'Thousands of my countrymen are dying horribly right this second.'

I cried over Terri this morning.
Sincerely, fuck yourself with a razor.
You are the top asshole on a tower of assholes.

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 04:27 PM (+7VNs)

180 Nice try pretending you don't share the same fantasies, Jack M.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 04:27 PM (037AZ)

181 (you're right too about the catharsis)

Wow. I hope you two are done kissing when I get back from buying razors at the supermarket. Hobgoblin's sister's snatch ain't gonna shave itself, you know.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 04:29 PM (xat8P)

182 No offense, RaBBiT, but you walked into the wrong fucking thread.... No offense taken Jeff, my apologies for the catharsis interruptis.

And as for Sanctimonius ass, anyone can see I am not a sanctimonious ass, I am very clearly and obviously a sanctimonious rabbit.

~ Whoot! ~

Posted by: The RaBBiT at March 31, 2005 04:30 PM (cseoU)

183 Rabbit,

Terri Schiavo is covered in other posts.

I'm sorry, but I've been blogging the hell out of the story for three weeks. She died. It's tragic. But I'm letting off steam at the moment.

I don't know what else there is to say about the case right now that hasn't been said ten thousand times before.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 04:35 PM (Q6+G6)

184 Nah, JeffB.

When I fantasize about prison rape, it usually involves the usual suspects: Heidi Fleiss, Leona Helmsley, Martha Stewart. Occasionally one of the Manson girls, like Sadie Mae Glutz.

I can understand your confusion on this issue, however. Weren't you the one writing Ted Bundy love letters, mailing naked photos to Jeffrey Dahmer, and asking John Wayne Gacy for conjugal visits?

Obviously, our tastes differ here. But then that became apparent when you started quoting Cure songs.

Posted by: Jack M. at March 31, 2005 04:41 PM (1W1ap)

185 Sure Ace, my bad. Sorry bout that. I know you're one of the good guys.

I'm going to take Laura's advice, hop on over to the store, pick up a pack of fresh razor blades and a bottle of Chardonnay, and enjoy my promotion to "top asshole on a tower of assholes" while it lasts.

==> TAOATOA RaBBiT

Posted by: The RaBBiT at March 31, 2005 04:44 PM (cseoU)

186 Well, that went well, yes?
I'm going to toddle on off to the porch for a nightcap and a cigarette.
Ta my darlings

Posted by: lauraw at March 31, 2005 04:55 PM (+7VNs)

187 Wow, laruaw,

I didn't know lap-dancing harlots did the cigarette-smoking-through-the-pussy thing after work. I suppose that's a pleasure for you and your audience.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:18 PM (hT8GB)

188 Carin and bbeck and Dianna want theirs back, too.

Hey. How did I get dragged into this?

*sniff* I don't DO flames. As you say Ace, women are not that good at insults, and I can live with that.

I'd MUCH rather be who I am than suffer the affliction the men have here. I mean, it wasn't the women who were asking for Ace's t-shirt size to get bigger...and bigger...and bigger...

A piece of advice, Ace; if you want to make some of that crazy blog money you're constantly simpering about, you should run an ad for Ediets. And then use it.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 05:18 PM (qF8q3)

189 Done with that semen-filled nightcap, harlotw? How'd it go down? Same as the other 5 gallons that sloshed through your piehole earlier tonight?

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:28 PM (hT8GB)

190 Ace, I ever lose my vagina, I'll either come get it myself, .45 in hand - and it better be exactly the same as when it left! - or send the male of the species.

And you really wouldn't like what we'd take for a trophy.

Posted by: Dianna at March 31, 2005 05:40 PM (ql6J6)

191 KnobGobblin'

I think Jack M's finished with your family now. He's left them at the TinyTown truck stop just off the freeway. They're waitin' for you, just as fresh as when you last saw them. I understand he even went to the trouble to clean them off at the free car wash. And gave them some pocket change for their service.

Now go walk outside your doublewide, take three steps and get those ho's back home. They need some rest. Jack's superhuman stamina wears out even your skanky, inbred family.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:40 PM (hT8GB)

192 And you really wouldn't like what we'd take for a trophy.

Dianna, I don't think ANYONE likes them, not even intact. Which seems to be a fairly common and unsurprising problem here.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 05:43 PM (qF8q3)

193 bbeck, it does seem that the meat-and-two-veg around here is looking a little...shriveled.

Posted by: Dianna at March 31, 2005 05:45 PM (ql6J6)

194 You all drink Miller Lite and enjoy Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.


Was that too harsh?

Posted by: Sue Dohnim at March 31, 2005 05:48 PM (tnsUn)

195 Dianna:

Now that's my kind of talkin'. My guess is you better get out your sharpening stone now and hone that knife of yours. No need for the .45. Ace has ravaged the shit out of your vagina, and you won't recognize it.

Your anger will guide you through the process. Swift and painless. Give him one of his pansy-ass T-shirts and let him stop the bleeding.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:48 PM (hT8GB)

196 Damn right, Dianna.

The dicks around here are far past the shriveled stage. They've been jerking off to Dusty so long that there's nothing left but scar tissue.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:51 PM (hT8GB)

197 Zanygal, the .45 is for his knees, as punishment. I'm thinking implements of dried bone for the other.

Nah, I'm not a sadist.

Posted by: Dianna at March 31, 2005 05:53 PM (ql6J6)

198 Now that's the way to go. Two shots for each kneecap. Then plop in a video of "Pulp Fiction" and let him watch the fucker.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:54 PM (hT8GB)

199 bbeck, it does seem that the meat-and-two-veg around here is looking a little...shriveled.

Whoa, you're able to LOOK? Just the thought brings up bile to my uvula.

Now, let's watch one of these non-dumb MEN mistake that body part for something it's not.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 05:54 PM (qF8q3)

200 Bbeck, Dianna, Sue, ZanyGal: Until now, I thought that nothing could be worse than this sausage party. I was wrong.
I leave for an hour, and all of a sudden you hens are in here sitting around all smug, like toddlers gloating over a prize turd.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 05:55 PM (xat8P)

201 These recent women posters...they have panache.

They're shrill, emasculating, mateless harpies...but they're harpies with fighting spirit.

I admire their amazonian tendencies. And remember: the amazons were physically deformed man-women who sliced off their own tits to prove their freakishnessness. Their patron goddess? "Diana." YOU FIGURE IT OUT.

Posted by: Jeff B. at March 31, 2005 05:58 PM (037AZ)

202 Yep, bbeck, you're right, they'll miss it.

But Dianna knows, I'm quite sure. It's that semen-coated part of the back of your throat. harlotw can tell you something about it.

Now, get your homo-ass back to the bathhouse and lubricate that uvula of yours.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 05:58 PM (hT8GB)

203 Come come, Andrew, you're not a PRIZE turd.

And Jeff, the Amazon women only sliced off ONE breast because it got in the way of their bowstrings. We'll be glad to cut off your "pair" but I'd be afraid of hitting Ace's nose.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:03 PM (qF8q3)

204 Jeff B., honey, you have no idea what a shrieking harpy I am. But I am not mateless. The male of the species merely exists to service my twisted desires.

Then he gets turned into a deer when I tire of him, and the dogs are turned loose on him.

You figure it out.

Posted by: Dianna at March 31, 2005 06:06 PM (ql6J6)

205 ZanyGal, your posts are both monotonous and lame. You'd inflict more pain if you hit me with your purse.

By the way, I am assuming you're male. Technically, anyway.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:07 PM (qF8q3)

206 "Come come, Andrew." I did, Bbeck, and now I'm downstairs watching wrestling, drinking a beer, and eating a plate of hot wings. Your money's on the dresser.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 06:07 PM (xat8P)

207 You all drink Miller Lite and enjoy Andrew Lloyd Webber musicals.

Oh Yeah? Well, YOU drink ZIMA and listen to Madonna!

Ha ha ha! Take THAT!

Zima zucks.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:11 PM (qF8q3)

208 Pandrew:

Think, feral toddlers ravaging your two-inch coctail weeny.

Get your pansy ass back to your momma's teet and start suckin'. It's been three hours since your last feeding. Your mom's been pissed at you about your colic, but we've tried to tell her that it'll go away when you reach 5 months.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:12 PM (hT8GB)

209 Andrew, why were you paying me to watch you do Zanygal?

And, sorry about all the barf on the floor. Just mop it up and save it for your mom's breakfast.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:13 PM (qF8q3)

210 bitchbecky

Monotonous and lame, huh. I suppose your endings of every one of your shitty posts is of limitless variety.

"Later,
bbeck"


I don't carry a purse, you sorry soul, just a holster. It's got Pandrews' severed penis in it.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:20 PM (hT8GB)

211 I suppose your endings of every one of your shitty posts is of limitless variety.

It's called a "signature," Lameygal, which is found at the bottom of letters from friends...and which is why you wouldn't recognize it.

It's got Pandrews' severed penis in it.


You must be saving it because your vibrator's out of batteries.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:28 PM (qF8q3)

212 Sigh...I was paying you, Bbeck, because without an audience I couldn't have called it "performance art." It would have been just a guy humping a yeti.

Regarding my severed penis...do what you will. I cloned a newer, better penis, one with drink holders and a built-in iPod. Tremble in awe...

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 06:28 PM (xat8P)

213 Well, YOU drink ZIMA and listen to Madonna!

Oh no sister, you DIDN'T just go THERE. Oh TELL ME you just DIDN'T go THERE.

Standin' there with your flat shoes and flat ass tellin' ME that I LISTEN to that FAKE JEW WHORE?

You can take your Maybe It's Maybellene And Lee Press-On Nail ass back to the street corner before Cedarford comes around for his money.

Posted by: Sue Dohnim at March 31, 2005 06:31 PM (tnsUn)

214 No, bitchbecky, I have my own group of satyrs from which to choose, whenever I wish.

But I do understand that those battery acid burns on your groin are from the leaking batteries that you couldn't figure out needed changing on your no-longer-functioning vibrator.

Your two-vold brain short circuited way before the batteries wend dead.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:33 PM (hT8GB)

215 Sue D.

Exactly. Cedarford's been paying that whitebread bitch for years. But go easy on the ho. Cedarford loves the Maybe It's Maybellene and Lee Press-On Nails.

And last night was the streetcorner for the bitch. Tonight's the pay-by-the-hour ho-tel.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:37 PM (hT8GB)

216 It would have been just a guy humping a yeti.

Well, admittedly, Andrew, I was far more grossed out by Lameygal's hairy back fat than yours.

"...built-in iPod.."

Oh, so THAT'S what that noise was. I just thought it was Lamey's thing to launch into Wild Cherry's one hit during her climaxes...

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:38 PM (qF8q3)

217 Ohhhh, so the severed weiner is a midnight snack. I sit both corrected and unimpressed, Lamey.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:40 PM (qF8q3)

218 bitchbecky:

After your liposuction, breast augmentation surgury, spider vein removal and Botox treatment, you still look...ugly as ever.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:43 PM (hT8GB)

219 Sue, listen, what's that?

It's Madonna. She's waiting for you to serve her bagels and massage her feet. That near-trip to the Wailing Wall made them just ACHE.

And make DARN sure you call her Esther.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:44 PM (qF8q3)

220 Welllll... looks like we have a regular Skankathon going on here. I haven't seen this much rotten road-fruit since I bluffed my way onto the Motley Crue tour bus.

How come whenever you ladies fart I can tell whether Vince Neill ate asparagus today?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 06:45 PM (Q6+G6)

221 I sit both corrected and unimpressed, Lamey.

I hear that's what Cedarford says to your sorry ass every night after he's finished with you and paid the tab.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 06:46 PM (hT8GB)

222 See you around, you caterwauling herd of insufferable shrews. I'll be sure to call you all the next time I feel like mounting some ex-groupies who are past their sell-by dates.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 06:47 PM (xat8P)

223 Lamey, it's interesting how you know all about plastic surgery and yet don't indulge yourself. Or maybe you did right after your big escape from Disney's Animal Kingdom...which would pretty much explain your attraction to men with goat legs.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:48 PM (qF8q3)

224 How come when I smell you ladies' breath I can tell whether Vince Neill ate asparagus today?

Because I eat my vegetables and smell is the sense most closely associated with MEMORY, Ace.

Incidentally, you would know that science fact if you weren't so dumb.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:51 PM (qF8q3)

225 "I hear that's what Cedarford says to your sorry ass every night after he's finished with you and paid the tab."

I'm not surprised you would hear that and countless other things from all those voices in your head. They'd go away if you just admitted how badly you wanted Cedarford. But I can understand how tough THAT would be. Probably better to live with the voices.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:56 PM (qF8q3)

226 I'll be sure to call you all the next time I feel like mounting some ex-groupies who are past their sell-by dates.

But I don't have Cedarford's number!

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 06:59 PM (qF8q3)

227 Gee, bitchbecky, your knowledge of Greek mythology is really strong, and your sharp mind can't seem to grasp the simple "bold" tool in the comment section. I suppose using all capital letters is your way of providing emphasis. Or do you just like screaming when you can't think your way into something interesting.

By the way, Vagina Monologue bitchbecky, Satyr also means: a man with strong sexual desires. Which I suppose is a rather tenuous definition of your John, Cedarford.

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 07:00 PM (hT8GB)

228 Incidentally, that last post was written before I'd seen Ace's, so the whole groupie joke similarity thing was a coincidence. I nearly even made a Motley Crue reference, but I got sidetracked and then forgot.
I only say this because, while I can live with someone not thinking a joke is funny, I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm so dumb that I'd rip off something that came two posts before and hope nobody noticed.

Go to hell, I did unspeakable things to your moms, you all listen to the Scissor Sisters and drink Fresca, etc., etc...

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 07:08 PM (xat8P)

229 I suppose using all capital letters is your way of providing emphasis.

No need to show off your best and only skill, Lamey. It's just faster to use CAPS for emphasis. At least, it is when you're using fingers, but maybe with your hooves it's not.

Satyr also means: a man with strong sexual desires.

Yeah I know, but in the given context, I correctly assumed the OTHER meaning of the word.

Which I suppose is a rather tenuous definition of your John, Cedarford.

You're just drooling with jealousy at the thought, aren't you?

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 07:10 PM (qF8q3)

230 Good night, Andrew. Thanks for the fun...

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 07:13 PM (qF8q3)

231 Well, should we shut this down now, or do you sassy ladies still have more zingers in ya?

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 07:14 PM (Q6+G6)

232 Yep, I'm outta zingers.

bbeck triumphed with "I am drooling with jealousy" at the thought of having Cedarford.

That was low, too low.

UNCLE!

Posted by: ZanyGal at March 31, 2005 07:19 PM (hT8GB)

233 Shut it down, Ace. It was all in good fun. Hope you got "it" out of your system.

You kept me hopping, Zany.

Hmmm, strangely enough, this isn't the first time I've been at the end of a flame thread.

Let us all go figure.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at March 31, 2005 07:22 PM (qF8q3)

234 Ehhhh... I was thinking I would shut it down, just so it doesn't get old, and maybe I can do it again in a month or two, but who cares. If people want to continue, what do I care?

It's not like I'm paying for bandwidth.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 07:27 PM (Q6+G6)

235 Ace--

I just checked in before I went to bed. If it's possible, I think this thread might be a worthwhile exercise for, well, the next three years.

Just kinda keep it going, like chain mail for the short bus crowd. Put a link on the sidebar-- "Call people, and that includes Jack M. too, deviant chunder-chewing fucktards."

This way, whenever anybody feels like it, they can just hop in the thread, relax, and start speaking truth to power about how much you love taking beagle knots up your P-town tunnel.

That, and-- let's be honest-- this thread is the only fucking thing on your ossified site that's making anyone laugh anymore.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 07:28 PM (mrpxK)

236 That one about swinging for Andrew's pair and hitting me in the nose was pretty funny.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 07:28 PM (Q6+G6)

237 this thread is the only fucking thing on your ossified site that's making anyone laugh anymore.

Well, that and your innovative, whip-smart small-dick jokes.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 07:30 PM (Q6+G6)

238 Or, just shut it down.

It was a lot of fun tonight, good to get this all out of the system with a crowd entirely in the spirit of things (except for doofus Rabbit, who can type but can't read).

You and your readers-- you fuckers are alright.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at March 31, 2005 07:31 PM (mrpxK)

239 That one about swinging for Andrew's pair and hitting me in the nose was pretty funny.

Not from where I was standing. That was TOO close.

Seriously though (and after this I'm done. Totally.), shut it down and do it again sometime. Give folks something extra to look forward to. The idea would get old if it were an ongoing thing.

Posted by: Andrew at March 31, 2005 07:41 PM (xat8P)

240 Okay. But I can't really shut it down in a technical sense.

I can only declare--

THREAD ENDED. FLAME WAR SUSPENDED.

We'll see if that holds up.

Let no man, skank, or JeffB. break this peace.

Or something. I'm tired and knocking off.

I'm actually pretty happy that everyone seemed to take everything in the right spirit. I did fear that maybe it would get a little mean and nasty.

Posted by: ace at March 31, 2005 07:51 PM (Q6+G6)

241 Feh. I had a withering reply prepared before Ace's stupid-fuck filter deleted it. Here's the flame I linked to (and I haven't been back to that site in almost a year, so fuck you shitheads for some extremely cogent reason I can't be bothered to type out right now):

YES SIR I CONSIDER MYSELF PROFOUNDLY BLESSED THANK YOU SIR FOR CONDESCENDING TO REPLY TO ME.

Also, thank you for explaining my own reaction to me, because I don't understand the nuances of my own thought processes until I have them filtered back to me through the anti-establishment bias of some liberal arts film fucko who thinks it's edgy to criticize big business and quote cop killers. Jesus, could you be more arrogant? Almost every one of these topics you've started is prefaced with something like "please try to think about this objectively" or "set aside your preconceptions and really consider this for a change;" the tacit assumption being that none of us are really giving critical thought to the issue unless we're seeing things the same way you and your hippie idols do. Like your logic is so PRISTINE and UNASSAILABLE that all you have to do is borrow a quotation from one of your third rate sociali*t lice farms, present it to us with a sage wink and nod, advise us all to think long and hard and then prance off to FAIRYLAND to bask in self-contentment while the INEVITABLE TRUTH penetrates our THICK, WAGE-SLAVE SKULLS.

Okay, here goes, I'm thinking critically about what you posted:

You're an idiot.

BLUH FLUH CORPORATIONS ARE EVIL DURR FLURR RACIST IMPERIALIST HEGEMONY AND OTHER SOCIALI*T CATCHPHRASES. IN RELATED NEWS: DIALECTICAL MATERIALISM AND SALTY HOT HORSE COCKS

Does that pretty much sum it up? The world as we know it is just the superstructure that has been pulled over our eyes to keep us from discovering the truth of the base OMG THE MATRIX IS REAL!!!@ You're regurgitating the same pinko propaganda circulating every liberal college campus across North America, and it's not revolutionary, it's common and shopworn: big business bad, redistribution of wealth good, MASSIVE MEAT PISTON IN MY TAN ONE CYLINDER OH SO VERY MUCH BETTER. There's a reason we're not falling at your feet for descending from your blue-veined ivory tower and distributing these pearl necklaces of wisdom, and it isn't because we're BLIND CAPITALIST SHEEP tranquilized by our televisions. It's because we've painstakingly analyzed your arguments and decided, independent of any brainwashing by THE MAN, that you're completely goofy. We did this back when the arguments were new, and being expounded by their original authors. If you're going to jerk off in our faces, you could at least have the courtesy to use your own fucking dick.

I got the mock advertisement, okay? I didn't need empty generalizations like "slick oil-crats" to clarify, it was fucking crystalline the first time. Here is what it was not:

A) Funny.
B) Insightful.
C) Heterosexual.


<>

I must've misunderstood the part about Uncle Sam being a drug addict and America bringing the 9-11 attacks on itself, then. That was actually quite complimentary of the United States, was it? TIP: expressions of sympathy over the attacks and love for the nation will be a lot more convincing if you're not simultaneously saying BY GOD WE FUCKING DESERVED IT and posting a slew of largely irrelevant pseudofacts that purport to prove why.

I perceive you're shitting on the country BECAUSE YOU ARE. Constantly. In every one of these posts. The real America, anyways; I can't speak with any authority about the idealized Platonic form of America you've distilled from 19th century poetry and your Rage Against The Machine albums.

See also: the part where you compare America to Nazi Germany in its treatment of drug addicts; or rather, the part where you paraphrase Allen Ginsburg's comparison, because again, you don't seem to have an original thought in your head. And speaking of whom, this is where you're getting your ideological ammunition? A pot addled cock smoker who scraped together just enough presence of mind to immortalize his paranoid acid fugues in free verse? Great. I'm bowled RIGHT THE FUCK over. Do you have any conception of how insulting it is to anyone who survived the holocaust, not to mention the memories of the dead, to compare the jailing of drug addicts to an attempted genocide which claimed six million lives? You child. You absolute infant. You're calling your mom Hitler because she won't let you borrow the family car.

<>

In the last couple of threads you've mostly ignored the irrefutable points he's made against you in favor of latching on to the least salient aspect of his argument and hammering it into the ground. Eagerly awaiting more of the same.


(sociali*t = the thing that's close to communism. Ace's filter is fucking retarded.)

Posted by: at March 31, 2005 08:21 PM (6GlEz)

242 PS. I'm drunk, so I don't give a shit about the formatting. Fuck all y'all who have no skills.

Posted by: Megan at March 31, 2005 08:24 PM (6GlEz)

243 THANK YOU SIR MAY WE HAVE ANOTHER

Posted by: Andrea Harris at April 01, 2005 02:24 AM (0XThq)

244 Well. In reviewing this thread it turns out that girls flat-out suck at flamewars, and frankly, the "men" here aren't much better. Here's the great fk teale again:

Posted by: Megan at April 01, 2005 05:34 AM (6GlEz)

245 ^ ??

Posted by: fat kid at April 01, 2005 06:49 AM (yHxMk)

246 I thought everyone did pretty well, male, female, or JeffB.

Posted by: ace at April 01, 2005 07:02 AM (Q6+G6)

247 All right, all right... I know I just violated the truce slightly. I apologize.

Posted by: ace at April 01, 2005 07:12 AM (Q6+G6)

248 Megan is going to prove how cool she is, and how superior her flame ability, just as soon as she gets that whole 'coherence' thing figured out.

Posted by: lauraw at April 01, 2005 10:51 AM (ctQl4)

249 So, whore-a-w, that was low, you say.

I guess now that you've gargled, douched and given yourself an enima with Liquid Drain-O, your pipes are cleaned. Not.

I'm a full grown woman, and live quite nicely, and am not some outcast, homeless girl on the streets. The guttersnipe would appear to be you, whore-a.

And I've got plenty of money, thank you very much, and don't earn it buy giving lapdances to KOS trolls.

You want back in, then take a shot. I'm here waitin'.

Posted by: ZanyGal at April 01, 2005 12:41 PM (hT8GB)

250 "Megan is going to prove how cool she is, and how superior her flame ability, just as soon as she gets that whole 'coherence' thing figured out."

Meh. This was obviously an insults thread, not a flames thread. I'll just go sit in a corner over there.

Posted by: at April 01, 2005 01:12 PM (6GlEz)

251 Megan:

Isn't it sad that some condescending harlot questions your motives instead of engaging you?

Perhaps the little coherent whore will lecture you some more.

Posted by: ZanyGal at April 01, 2005 01:51 PM (hT8GB)

252 What the fuck is wrong with you stupid whores? Did you not notice that I had commanded you to shut your fuckin' pieholes already?

Now outten Sie mach schnell or I'll chase you out of here with my dorkbat.

Posted by: ace at April 01, 2005 01:59 PM (Q6+G6)

253 ZanyGal, do you hear some male talking in the distance? Can't quite make out what he's saying.

Then again, who cares?

Posted by: Megan at April 01, 2005 02:29 PM (6GlEz)

254 Sister Megan:

Yes, though I did not hear anything worth listening to, I did have the misfortune of smelling something that's supposed to smell rather like..freshly mown grass or somehting, but it didn't. I don't know what it smells like, but I think the dorkbat ejaculated, and I definately don't like the funk.

Somebody cares, right? Perhaps the poor little lapdog can put his cocktail weenie back in his pants and go back to staring at Dusty. Maybe Dusty cares.

Posted by: ZanyGal at April 01, 2005 02:46 PM (hT8GB)

255 For what it's worth, I thought Dave's comment about how he doesn't need to brag when the women already do it for him was priceless.

Posted by: Andrew at April 02, 2005 05:46 AM (xat8P)

256 fuck you and the horse you rode in on.


take that!

Posted by: Dave in Texas at April 02, 2005 08:52 AM (F8frw)

257 I thought Dave's comment about how he doesn't need to brag when the women already do it for him was priceless.

But not a slam.

Just bragadoccio and bullshit.

Posted by: ace at April 02, 2005 09:01 AM (Q6+G6)

258 test

Posted by: lauraw at January 25, 2009 05:52 AM (DbybK)

259 Herve Leger Dress Herve Leger Bandage Dresses Herve Leger Skirts usidjkvbisdnfosdlfgdsvkbnkc fdkjgndkfnlsdl dflgmldf43643

Posted by: Herve Leger Dress at June 20, 2011 09:47 PM (fqYIK)

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