October 31, 2011

Sexual Harassment Thread (Tips & Tricks)
— Ace

A lot of people tried to get the comedy ball rolling on this general topic but the thread is so contentious (consisting chiefly of people demanding that other people believe things they have no firsthand knowledge about) that the humor never had a chance.

So, here. Feel free to ask your Sexual Harassment etiquette questions, or answer other people's.

Posted by: Ace at 01:28 PM | Comments (602)
Post contains 71 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Show me on this blog post where the candidate touched you.

Posted by: Andy at October 31, 2011 01:30 PM (/q+Mv)

2 Learn to like the Bellamy Brothers ...

Posted by: Arbalest at October 31, 2011 01:30 PM (3uFeR)

3

Is it okay if I say "honk honk" while I make grabbing gestures with my raised hands?

Posted by: Herman Cain at October 31, 2011 01:31 PM (vjyZP)

4 Should I divorce my cancer stricken wife before or after I'm sexually harrassing this hot babe in the office?

Posted by: Newt Gingrich at October 31, 2011 01:31 PM (usXZy)

5 Er, ah, should she expect to kick in for gas?

Posted by: Teddy K. at October 31, 2011 01:31 PM (MMC8r)

6 Harrassment is in the eyes, hands, and on the blue dress of the beholder ...

Posted by: The Clenus at October 31, 2011 01:31 PM (80GjT)

7 Yes, I am feeling quite Sexual these days

Posted by: Harris Ament at October 31, 2011 01:32 PM (80GjT)

8
Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Posted by: Bent Bill Clinton at October 31, 2011 01:32 PM (gppu7)

9 Boobies!!!

Posted by: Boobies at October 31, 2011 01:33 PM (80GjT)

10 This is disgusting behavior.

Posted by: David Letterman at October 31, 2011 01:33 PM (MMC8r)

11 I like to put my hands up by a womans breasts and make "radio tuning" motions.Is that wrong?

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:33 PM (fyOgS)

12 If I dork you squeakhole, does it violate our company's commitment to a professional and collegial workplace if I don't do it in a gay way but, you know, like a viking?

Posted by: Jeff B. at October 31, 2011 01:34 PM (hIWe1)

13 One thing I learned is that some accusations are more newsworthy than others.

Posted by: Larry Sinclair at October 31, 2011 01:34 PM (xMATX)

14 Oy vey

Posted by: John Galt at October 31, 2011 01:34 PM (80GjT)

15 Do you think that if Herman Cain squeezes my tits like mildly-overgrown Hacky Sacks during the next debate I'll be able to pick up some sympathy votes?

Posted by: Michele Bachmann (R-Crazytown) at October 31, 2011 01:34 PM (1linH)

16 I was getting some coffe and a large breasted secretary was waiting her turn.I asked her "got milk?".Was that wrong?

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:35 PM (fyOgS)

17
True story:  a company I once worked for once held a Yankee Swap Sex Toy office party.  The owners bought all the prizes, from the "Gates of Hell" cock rings to the three-foot double enders.

Amazingly, the result was litigation-free.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 01:35 PM (LEcV+)

18 The Panda knows.
http://tinyurl.com/2c8sgng

Posted by: mikeyboss at October 31, 2011 01:35 PM (MX5qJ)

19

There's no pizza party without the liquor.

(Lick her, I don't even know her.  Sorry, it's all I got)

Posted by: Eric Cartman at October 31, 2011 01:35 PM (VxqUc)

20
Crotchless panty Mondays are OK if they fall on a Federal Holiday.

Posted by: Debbie Wassername at October 31, 2011 01:36 PM (gppu7)

21 Amazingly, the result was litigation-free.

Yeah, but that's 'cause you work in a pr0n shop.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at October 31, 2011 01:36 PM (bjRNS)

22 She undressed me with her eyes,,, but i was already undressed, so she skinned me alive.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 01:36 PM (EiH7n)

23 20
True story:  a company I once worked for once held a Yankee Swap Sex Toy office party.  The owners bought all the prizes, from the "Gates of Hell" cock rings to the three-foot double enders.

Amazingly, the result was litigation-free.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 06:35 PM (LEcV+)

So... none of the employees were female democrats.

Posted by: wooga at October 31, 2011 01:37 PM (vjyZP)

24 We really need Kenny for this....

Posted by: Eric Cartman at October 31, 2011 01:37 PM (VxqUc)

25 Is it sexual harrassment if your boss takes a detour while driving you home from an office party?

Posted by: Mary Jo Kopecne at October 31, 2011 01:37 PM (THbwo)

26
Check it out:  this was in suburban Boston!

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 01:38 PM (LEcV+)

27 I need some Halloween etiquette help. As I understand it, it IS okay to yell "Boo!" when you open the door to a trick-or-treater, but it IS NOT okay to bop the child on the head, drag hin inside, peel the skin off his face with a razor knife and then stick it on the cat as a "prank", is that right?
Things have changed so much since I was a kid...

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 01:39 PM (Qjh0I)

28
I wish someone had sexually harassed me instead of making me into a pancake.

Posted by: Zombie Rachel Corrie at October 31, 2011 01:39 PM (Lt/Za)

29 31 As long as you don't sexually harass them it's okay.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:40 PM (fyOgS)

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at October 31, 2011 01:40 PM (UR5vq)

31 So, 'Casual Encounters Friday' is off?

Posted by: Herman Cain's Crocs at October 31, 2011 01:40 PM (5eVSI)

32
You can't sexually harass me boys, cus I'll throw you down and mount your hump.

Posted by: SE Cupp, Brainy Chick with Hooter's at October 31, 2011 01:41 PM (Lt/Za)

33 Anyone here has ever played "Smile"?

Posted by: keep it clean at October 31, 2011 01:41 PM (6K81O)

34

Boy, that Pam Geller sure has some big tits.

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 01:42 PM (5eVSI)

35 Girls at the bottom of the lake tell no tales and the media and feminists are cool with it..... just sayin.

Posted by: Ken Teddedy at October 31, 2011 01:42 PM (I9fXA)

36 Uh, it was my understanding that everyone got one free grope.  Is this no longer the case?

Posted by: William Jefferon Clittin' at October 31, 2011 01:42 PM (xy9wk)

37 Filter the Diet Coke before you drink it.

Just sayin'

Posted by: Clarence Thomas at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (QKKT0)

38 Liquor in the front, Poker in the rear.

Posted by: Burma Shave at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (N+Fis)

39

Tip ~

Avoid any and all references to the Porky's Movies. .....So much material in those that could get you in trouble at work. Don't even go there.

"Mike Hunt? ....Has anyone seen Mike Hunt?"

Posted by: ConservativeMenAreJustHotter at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (XkwIi)

40

It's not harassment if I just show her a website that might or might not contain my junk, right?


Posted by: Alvin Greene at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (UaxA0)

41
I was sexually harassed by Anderson Cooper.

Posted by: Miss Shepard Smith, FNC Anchoress at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (Lt/Za)

42 I almost forgot.Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a misrable failure.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:43 PM (fyOgS)

43 Is taking a tax deduction for running a homosexual brothel out of my house sexual harassment?

Posted by: Gerry Studds at October 31, 2011 01:44 PM (QaKuj)

44 I'm always disappointed  with sex harassment training at work. It's never a how to guide, more of a don't do this...

Posted by: todler at October 31, 2011 01:44 PM (OluE0)

45
There isn't any such thing as sexual harassment.

Posted by: Anthony Weiner, Unemployed Dick at October 31, 2011 01:45 PM (Lt/Za)

46 Any of those ditzy little cupcakes wanna sue me they better make sure they finish my sammich first.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 01:45 PM (4CSeG)

47 Sure, Dodd and I used to do the waitress sandwich thing. But it was either that or another ride in my merry Oldsmobile, so I think everyone came out ahead.

Posted by: Zombie Ted explains himself to the Harassment Board at October 31, 2011 01:45 PM (mKhrg)

48

What I learned at AoSHQ today:

 Anal Beads are an appropriate 'Secret Santa' gift.

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 01:45 PM (5eVSI)

49

Who lives in the east.  'Neath a willer tree, Sexual Harassment Panda!

Posted by: Sexual Harassment Panda at October 31, 2011 01:45 PM (gVUg0)

50 If your name is "Hoiman Gain," you already crossed the line...

Posted by: M. Murcek at October 31, 2011 01:46 PM (ToZXn)

51
I made a mistake once and sexually harassed Clarence Thomas.

Posted by: Miss A. H. (Anonymous) at October 31, 2011 01:46 PM (Lt/Za)

52 Just had a kid with the full body skeleton suit. Pretty cool costume for a second grader.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 01:46 PM (Qjh0I)

53 Ted Kennedy
Dave Lettermen
Al Sharpton
Roman Polanski
Bill Clinton
Anthony Weiner

All legitimate multiple sourced accusations by individuals the media totally smothered up and attacked the accuser. 

oooo look just found another list.

Posted by: Shiggz undecided - weighing pros-cons-balls at October 31, 2011 01:47 PM (I9fXA)

54 Just one bite?

Posted by: Marv Albert at October 31, 2011 01:47 PM (QaKuj)

55 Democrats:
1.    Wayne Hays (1976): Affair with secretary (one of the first major sex scandals)
2.    Allan Howe (1976): Solicited sex with two prostitutes (both of whom were undercover cops)
3.    John Young (1976): Staffer alleged sexual harrassment
4.    Fred Richmond (197 : Charged with soliciting sex from a 16-year-old boy.
5.    Gerry Studds (1983): Reprimanded for having sex with a male teenage House page
6.    Gary Hart (198 : Affair with model Donna Rice.
7.    Barney Frank (1989): Affair with male prostitute, who also conducted business in Frank's home.
8.    Chuck Robb (1991): Admitted to receiving a nude massage from a former Miss Virginia.
9.    Brock Adams (1992): Eight women accused him of sexual harassment, abuse, and rape.
10.    Mel Reynolds (1994): Sexual relationship with 16-year-old campaign volunteer.
11.    Bill Clinton (199 : Affair with intern Monica Lewinsky.
12.    Gary Condit (2001): Affair with (murdered) intern Chandra Levy.
13.    Paul Patton (2002): Affair with nursing home operator; when the affair ended the state of Kentucky filed numerous violations against her business.
14.    Bob Wise (2003): Affair with a state government staffer
15.    Jim McGreevey (2004): Resigned as NJ governor after admitting that he is "a gay American"
16.    Neil Goldschmidt (2004): Admitted to having a relationship with a 14-year-old girl in the 1970s.
17.    Roosevelt Dobbins (2005): Congressman form Arkansas, pleaded guilty to fondling a 16-year-old.
18.    Gavin Newsom (2007): Affair with the wife of a top aide.
19.    Antonio Villaraigosa (2007): Affair with a television reporter.
20.    Tim Mahoney (200 : Admitted to multiple affairs.
21.    Eliot Spitzer (200 : Involved in prostitution scandal.
22.    Paul Morrison (200 : Affair with administrative staffer while Attorney General of Kansas, pressured her to reveal information about Kansas D.A.
23.    Marc Dann (200 : Attorney General of Ohio, had an affair with a staffer.
24.    David Paterson (200 : Admitted that both he and his wife had extramarital affairs
25.    John Edwards (200 : Had an affair with a campaign employee while running for President.
26.    Kwame Kilpatrick (200 : Text messaging sex scandal
27.    Sam Adams (2009): Portland, OR mayor lied about relationship with 18-year-old male intern.
TALLY: 27

Republicans:
1.    Tom Evans (1980): Along with other politicians, accused of being involved with lobbyist/former Playboy model Paula Parkinson.
2.    Bob Bauman (1980): Solicited sex from a 16-year-old boy
3.    Jon Hinson (1980): Caught attempting to have oral sex in a men's House restroom.
4.    John G. Schmitz (1982): Had an affair that led to an out-of-wedlock child.
5.    Dan Crane (1983): Reprimanded for having sex with a teenage House page.
6.    (Buz Lukens (1989): Spent time in jail after having sex with a 16-year-old girl.
7.    Jon Grunseth (1990): Swam nude with group of 13-year-old girls; suspended gubernatorial run.
8.    Ken Calvert (1993): Arrested while soliciting a prostitute.
9.    Bob Packwood (1995): Resigned from Senate amid allegations of sexual harassment and abuse.
10.    Bob Livingston (199 : Admitted to multiple extramarital affairs.
11.    Helen Chenoweth-Hage (199 : Admitted to a six year affair with a married rancher in her home state of Idaho
12.    Henry Hyde (199 : Admitted he'd had an affair many years prior
13.    Rudy Giuliani (2002): Ex-wife Donna Hanover accused him of "notorious adultery"; he's now married to Judith Nathan, his girlfriend at the time.
14.    Steve LaTourette (2003): Accused of affair with staffer, who he later married.
15.    Jack Ryan (2004): Former wife Jeri claimed he took her to sex clubs and pressured her to have sex in public.
16.    James West (2005): Removed as mayor of Spokane, WA after an gay Internet sex scandal.
17.    Don Sherwood (2006): Affair with 29-year-old woman while he was a PA congressman.
18.    Mark Foley (2006): Involved in a texting scandal with male House pages
19.    Bob Allen (2007): Solicited oral sex from a male undercover cop.
20.    Newt Gingrich (2007):Acknowledged having an affair in the 1990s
21.    Charles Boutin (2007): Resigned from MD Public Service Comission after email exchanges with a prostitute surfaced.
22.    David Vitter (2007): Part of the DC Madam scandal
23.    Larry Craig (2007): Bathroom sex solicitation scandal.
24.    Vito Fossella (200 : Affair with a retired Air Force lieutenant colonel.
25.    John Ensign (2009): Admitted to having an affair with a married staffer.
26.    Mark Sanford (2009): Affair with a woman in Argentina.

Posted by: Shiggz undecided - weighing pros-cons-balls at October 31, 2011 01:47 PM (I9fXA)

56 Sexual harassment?  I wouldn't know where to even start.

Posted by: Chaz Bono at October 31, 2011 01:47 PM (QKKT0)

57 We have to watch this harassment video at work and my response is I am going in my office, closing the door, and not talking to anyone about anything.

Posted by: Blaster at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (Fw2Gg)

58 Mr. Weiner,I like the cut of your jib.

Posted by: Brett Favre at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (fyOgS)

59 I didn't bite that dude for nothin'...

Posted by: Izak the Goat at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (/IuX+)

60 When is ass-groping appropriate?

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (JVEmw)

61

I do find it strange that corporate sexual harassment policies always hinge on the recipient's reaction.

If she (and it's usually a she) doesn't like it and says so, it's harassment. If she does like it (or at least doesn't object), no crime has occurred.

Right and wrong: Entirely in the eyes of the beholder.

Posted by: Michael Rittenhouse at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (2Oas0)

62 SH Tip:  Always ask her to make the first move. For instance, say something like, "suck my cock".

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at October 31, 2011 01:48 PM (JYheX)

63

What I learned at AoSHQ today:

 Anal Beads are an appropriate 'Secret Santa' gift.


Caution:  May be misinterpreted as jewelry, which is inappropriate.  Best to go with a simple, always appropriate butt plug, which is the little black dress of sex toys.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (LEcV+)

64 Rule of Thumb:  Grabbing any part of a female coworker's body and saying "Honk Honk" will usually comprise sexual harassment.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (QKKT0)

65 Anyone else here miss Michael Jackson?

He touched a lot of people. . . .

Posted by: Roman Polanski at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (QaKuj)

66

@54: "don't be cheap, leave a tip"

Concur.

Posted by: Lorena Bobbitt at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (xy9wk)

67 Is it wrong, when in a chilly conference room, to interrupt and say, "Could we please turn up the heat?  All the pokies are distracting."

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (4q5tP)

68
I sexually harassed Doris Day.  Kinda?

Posted by: Rock Hudson, Hollywood Peni Puller at October 31, 2011 01:49 PM (Lt/Za)

69 If your name is Bob Packwood you better be packing some wood.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:50 PM (fyOgS)

70 Engine Engine 9 9 9 on the Cain train line. If that train jumps off the track, you ain't getting off till I do, bitch.

Posted by: The Herman Cain at October 31, 2011 01:50 PM (lNGfM)

71

If I hit on a chick, is that harassment?

Posted by: Margaret Cho, Korean Bag Lady at October 31, 2011 01:50 PM (Lt/Za)

72 Would it kill any of you to sexually harass me once in awhile? 


Posted by: Christiane Amanpour at October 31, 2011 01:50 PM (vouNK)

73 I got my costume for Halloween ready!

What are you guys going as?

Posted by: David Wu at October 31, 2011 01:51 PM (QaKuj)

74 This is why you just marry all the women that work for you.

Posted by: Mitt Romney at October 31, 2011 01:51 PM (GULKT)

75 I hang the mistletoe from my belt at the office Christmas party.Is that wrong?

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:51 PM (fyOgS)

76

Sexually harassing women should be a capital crime.

Posted by: Joe Biden, America's Sheriff at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (Lt/Za)

77 He said Packwood.


Huh huh huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh

Posted by: Beavis and Butt-Head at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (QaKuj)

78

15.    Jack Ryan (2004): Former wife Jeri claimed he took her to sex clubs and pressured her to have sex in public.

That shouldn't be a "scandal." If anything, that sort of behavior with Jeri Ryan should be applauded.  And videotaped.

Posted by: wooga at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (vjyZP)

79 SH tip:  Never put in more than just the tip.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (JYheX)

80 81 Tiger?

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (ieDPL)

81 I got nothing.

Posted by: John Bobbitt at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (6Cjut)

82 My full plan is 999 9.The last line is how many inches I'm packing.

Posted by: Herman Cain at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (fyOgS)

83 You ever giggle nervously thinking about your "White House Chief of Staff"? I do. I'm sure it's ok, though.

Posted by: Anonymous at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (FcR7P)

84 Why is jacking off considered sexual harrassment if none of it even hits her? It doesn't violate her rights, and I need to express mine.

Posted by: Ron Paul at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (YiE0S)

85 You can give a secretary up to three (3) Angry Pirates before its techincally considered harassment, right?

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at October 31, 2011 01:52 PM (xy9wk)

86

Ask R. Lee:

"Dear R. Lee,

"One of my co-workers is the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamn common courtesy to give him a reach around.  When he does, which is the sexual harrassment: the anal penetration, or the refusal to give the reach around?

"Sincerely,

"Perplexed in Poughkeepsie"

Posted by: stuiec at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (Di3Im)

87
I harassed myself one night with a Pink Pocket Rocket.  Does that count?

Posted by: S E Cupp at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (Lt/Za)

Posted by: Spotswoode at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (5eVSI)

89 As long as I keep my pants on pelvic thrust Thursdays are OK right? 

Posted by: Big Zesty at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (66pgZ)

90

i

Posted by: black penis at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (cePv8)

91 I have some questions regarding peanut butter....

Posted by: Toby the Beagle at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (xy9wk)

92 Temple underwear have a special opening.Wanna see?

Posted by: Romney at October 31, 2011 01:53 PM (fyOgS)

93 68 When is ass-groping appropriate?

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 06:48 PM (JVEmw)

When you look like Denzel Washington.

Posted by: wooga at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (vjyZP)

94 I'm a Pepsi woman myself.

Posted by: Anita Hill at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (F6KtL)

95
Harassing a liberal is perfectly acceptable, but not sexually.

Posted by: Charles Krauthammer at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (Lt/Za)

96
But she said she liked pearl necklaces!

Posted by: Big Donor at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (gppu7)

97 Breaking: First Settlement Offer: CAIN offered "2 for 1" Coupon

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (6Cjut)

98 SH tip: Keep a fully sized bronze replica of a camel foot in your office just in case.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (JYheX)

99

What?  This little wind-up hoppity dick head toy on my desk?  Harrassment?  Hostile work environment?  This place is no fun at all.

Posted by: EEOC accountant at October 31, 2011 01:54 PM (4q5tP)

100 Ted Kennedy sings, Baby You Can Drive My Car

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (QKKT0)

101 Is it sexual harrassment if I say "Bitch, make me a sandwich" ?

Posted by: Jones at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (8sCoq)

102

Well, I'm in for an iffy dinner tonight. Wife is going to stop at Sonic on the way home and get me a corndog and a bacon cheeseburger. I'm a huge fan of hot dogs, but have never eaten a corndog. Apparently the wife likes them and they do a 50-cent corndog Special every Halloween at Sonic. That she knew this amazed me. Anyway, I figured I'd try one. Can't be that bad.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (Qjh0I)

103 Around 20 years ago, the place where I worked announced that there were going to be training sessions in sexual harrassment.  I guess they figured that if we were going to be doing it, we may as well know how to do it right.

Posted by: malclave at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (W1Ndc)

104 Foot long sandwiches and hot dogs cause many sexual harassment suits .

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (fyOgS)

105 Breaking: Second Settlement Offer: Unlimited Refills

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 01:55 PM (6Cjut)

106 Damn right it's sexual harassment; she ain't giving it up to me!

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (JVEmw)

107
Dear Diary,

If a guy screws me on Wednesday when I'm wearing my Friday panties, is that sexual harassment.

COD

Posted by: C O'Donnell at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (Lt/Za)

108

@92: "Why is jacking off considered sexual harrassment if none of it even hits her? It doesn't violate her rights, and I need to express mine."

Plus, she's allowed to whip out a tit to feed her mewling brat whenever she wants to.

Posted by: Rand Paul at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (xy9wk)

109 Geez, I hate Halloween.  The Mexican urchins (aged 5-60 years old) are already gathering for their free gringo candy.

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (coN0Z)

110
63

What am I?  Chopped liver?

Posted by: Earl Butz at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (LEcV+)

111 If a Woman says 9-9-9 Does that mean she wants to sleep with Herman Cain? What if she is German? What if there is Pizza involved? What if one of the Pizzas has Pepperoni?

Posted by: MikeB at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (HciJi)

112

@109

No, you're fine.  It doesn't rise to the level of harrassment until you call it a "sammich".

Posted by: malclave at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (W1Ndc)

113 Breaking: Third Settlement Offer:Free Extra Topping

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (6Cjut)

114 Be sure to hear Anita Hill's rendition of the 50's hit, I Will Follow Him

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (QKKT0)

115

Well, I'm in for an iffy dinner tonight. Wife is going to stop at Sonic on the way home and get me a corndog and a bacon cheeseburger. I'm a huge fan of hot dogs, but have never eaten a corndog. Apparently the wife likes them and they do a 50-cent corndog Special every Halloween at Sonic. That she knew this amazed me. Anyway, I figured I'd try one. Can't be that bad.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 06:55 PM (Qjh0I)

I am sure this doesn't apply to your wife, but if a woman swallows corndogs whole and then spits out toothpicks, she's the kind you want to date but not marry.

Posted by: stuiec at October 31, 2011 01:56 PM (Di3Im)

116

Apparently the wife likes them

 

What girl doesn't?

Posted by: Michele Bachmann at October 31, 2011 01:57 PM (5eVSI)

117 110 Didn't see the picture of Bachmann eating the corndog?That will whet your appetite for one.Among other things.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 01:57 PM (fyOgS)

118 I heard Chunk from Goonies sexually harrased the hot chick that was in that movie and also Fast Times at Ridgemont High.

Posted by: Mr Pink at October 31, 2011 01:57 PM (zV70x)

Posted by: stuiec at October 31, 2011 01:57 PM (Di3Im)

120 I tried the "wide stance" in a handicap stall and got no takers.

Posted by: Spiked at October 31, 2011 01:58 PM (dagTu)

121

Posted by: Shiggz undecided - weighing pros-cons-balls at October 31, 2011 06:47 PM (I9fXA)

Your list needs to include what happend to the politician.  Did they resign, did they go to jail, did the stay in office, etc.    I did a similar post years ago, some crime., some sex stuff with the end result. 

There seems to be a double standard between the Rs and the Ds.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 31, 2011 01:58 PM (C2//T)

122 Sometimes there's only a fine line between sexual harassment and assault with a pair of deadly weapons.

Posted by: Stephanie Robinette at October 31, 2011 01:58 PM (QKKT0)

123 If a Woman says 9-9-9 Does that mean she wants to sleep with Herman Cain? What if she is German? What if there is Pizza involved? What if one of the Pizzas has Pepperoni?

Posted by: MikeB at October 31, 2011 06:56 PM (HciJi)

Isn't 9-9-9 code for a 69 three-way?

Posted by: stuiec at October 31, 2011 01:59 PM (Di3Im)

124 I got nuthin'

Posted by: Bob Livingston at October 31, 2011 01:59 PM (jucos)

125 Is it wrong to have all my most-used files in the bottom drawers of file cabinets.  My secretaries administrative assistants have been complaining.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 01:59 PM (4q5tP)

126 Never let your sexual advances get in the way of a woman's career. always bang them within easy reach of the coffee pot and the copy machine.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 01:59 PM (4CSeG)

127 Clearance Thomas Card so early. So cliché.

Posted by: sTevo at October 31, 2011 01:59 PM (VMcEw)

128 There is a pubic hair on my pizza.

Posted by: Herman Cain channeling Clarence Thomas(Dem version) at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (kaHun)

129
Am I sexually harassing men if my shorts are very tight and expose my camel toe?

Posted by: Paris the Hilton at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (Lt/Za)

130 True story. Had a coworker named Mike. He had a brother named Hunt who would call periodically. The receptionist would call over the intercom, "Mike, Hunt is on line one." I would have to snicker quietly to myself because either nobody had seen Porky's or they all had much better poker faces than I do. Heh. Poker face.

Posted by: Pug Mahon at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (nzRGp)

131 When I see a large breasted woman in low cut top I make "motor boat" sounds.Is that wrong?

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (fyOgS)

132 Can't believe this place is inhabited by actual morons without anyone floating out this 6th grader classic by now:

If I told you you had a sweet voluptuous body, would you hold it against me?

Posted by: Gunslinger at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (SNjPs)

133 Everything was consensual until he demanded an extra large, hand-tossed, deep dish.

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 02:00 PM (6Cjut)

134 The video at Hot Air of Tina eating the fried twinkie sent me to my bunk.  Is that wrong?

Posted by: Big Zesty at October 31, 2011 02:01 PM (66pgZ)

135 woman- never lick your lips in front of a man after eating. and don't lean over without a bra on with a v neck.

man- never say another womans breasts look just like your wifes.


Posted by: willow at October 31, 2011 02:01 PM (h+qn8)

136 I'm really disappointed that here it is, 2011 already, and the anonymous allegers can't conjure up something even half as interesting as a pubic hair on a Coke can.

Posted by: stuiec at October 31, 2011 02:01 PM (Di3Im)

137 SH tip:  Always order the large pepperoni pizza, never the triple meat with population yogurt.

Posted by: Guy Mohawk at October 31, 2011 02:01 PM (JYheX)

138 When I see a large breasted woman in low cut top I make "motor boat" sounds.Is that wrong?

Only if you're doing it while your face is buried in her cleavage.

Posted by: Ask A Lawyer at October 31, 2011 02:01 PM (QKKT0)

139 Why did Bill Clinton cross the road?



His didck was stuck in the chicken.

Posted by: Pecos at October 31, 2011 02:02 PM (2Gb0y)

140 I find this sexual objectification of women to be quite appalling

Posted by: Roman Polanski at October 31, 2011 02:02 PM (Y+DPZ)

141
The best breakfast gift for chicks in your office?  A banana!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 02:02 PM (Lt/Za)

142 I did make fun of her for knowing, as she is the "fitness/healthy eating" enthusiast between us. Fortunately she is slim enough that I can make fun of her "getting" fat rather than "being" fat. A dangerous line to walk, but I sometimes I can't resist.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 02:02 PM (Qjh0I)

143
Same company I mentioned earlier featured a boss who kept a pile of seriously nasty porn in the men's room.

He once emerged with a copy of "Lip Licking Lezzies" and tossed it on the desk of a customer service girl with the line "give me a report on this in the morning."

She was a Bowdoin grad...didn't take it well.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 02:03 PM (LEcV+)

144 It was all fun and games until he said something about anchovies.

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 02:03 PM (6Cjut)

145
Christina Hendricks working out with shake weights....harassment?

Posted by: The real 99% at October 31, 2011 02:03 PM (gppu7)

146 Someone invited me to a Bwowns game.  I sued him for sexual hawassment.

Posted by: Bawney Fwank at October 31, 2011 02:03 PM (QaKuj)

147

This thread is like the scene in LA Law when, after controlling himself fairly well through a long court appearance, the Tourettes guy had to unload in one of the conference rooms.

Let it all out!

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 02:03 PM (4q5tP)

148 68 When is ass-groping appropriate? --------------------------- When you are sitting on my remote or when your badge reads T-S-A.

Posted by: Spiked at October 31, 2011 02:04 PM (dagTu)

149 When I put my hands on a girl's butt as she walks by at work, do I have to make eye contact or can I stare at her boobs?

Posted by: PugBoo TeaPug Jihadist Mastermind at October 31, 2011 02:04 PM (oOEoy)

150 In high school, I had bruises all over my body from boys pushing me away with ten foot poles.

That was sexual harassment, right?

Posted by: Debbie Wasserman, having since met the blind guy, Schultz at October 31, 2011 02:04 PM (gmi2T)

151

If the cup size matches a failing school grade, it isn't harassment.

 

It's awesome.

Posted by: CAC at October 31, 2011 02:05 PM (0U6w6)

152 I can see why Ace thinks sexual harrassment is so funny while he watches a bikini blog vid of me while I coyly scrunch my arms to push up my cleavage ...

That pig!

Posted by: Pamela Geller at October 31, 2011 02:05 PM (Y+DPZ)

153 Mangy stray dogs keep wanting to mount me.  Can I sue them for sexual harassment?

Posted by: Helen Thomas at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (QaKuj)

154
Another true story...

A VP of sales was once sharing a hotel suite with a really uptight company President.  The sales VP went out and got really wasted one night, picked up a hooker and brought her back to the room.  He stripped her naked, picked her up in his arms, and kicked open the President's door, shouting "wake up, boy, it's raining pussy!" and tossed her on the bed.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (LEcV+)

155 39

Boy, that Pam Geller sure has some big tits.

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 06:42 PM

So did Kim Novak

Posted by: Sam Bass at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (Y+DPZ)

156 I use to work for a pro football team years ago and it was rare but once in a while when football and baseball seasons overlapped, our lockerroom would not be cleaned from the baseball game the night before.  Some of the pron those baseball players have.... you really don't want to know about.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (C2//T)

157 There was a Ginger who worked in another office adjacent to mine that used to seductively walk to the womens toilet.  This was 2 years ago and I still can't get over it.  Where can I go for redress

Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (jucos)

158 155 This thread filled up quicker than a free bar at a wedding.

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 02:06 PM (JVEmw)

159
If I blow my Princeton professor to improve my grade, is that considered sexual harassment?  Will I be forced to pay restitution? Can the professor sue me for harassing him?

Posted by: Dumb Ass Freshman at October 31, 2011 02:07 PM (Lt/Za)

160 Amazingly, the result was litigation-free.

The advantage of an all male office, eh?

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 02:07 PM (GTbGH)

161 Thong Thursday

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 02:08 PM (4CSeG)

162

Watching Tony sexually harrass everyone on NCIS. Too funny. Better tell cbs or nbc this is not cool..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 02:08 PM (R21xD)

163 I find the most sensual part of a woman is the boobies. 

Posted by: Lt. Kif Croaker at October 31, 2011 02:08 PM (xy9wk)

164
I believe in showing my sensitive side.

It's the front.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 02:09 PM (LEcV+)

165 You better put some ice on that.

Posted by: BJ Clinton at October 31, 2011 02:09 PM (BkQvr)

166

Advice? Well, have you,  er ah, tried taking them out in a sailboat? I find that  makes it very difficult for them to get away, and keeps potential witnesses at a distance...

I also suggest being a rich powerful Democrat, or to at least be one of their relatives. Then you can do whatever you want, and nobody can do anything about it. Sexual assault, manslaughter, waitress sandwich, brain 'em with a golf club because you didn't get any, the sky's the limit.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy at October 31, 2011 02:09 PM (w41GQ)

167
Men always came on to me when I wore my little black dress.

Posted by: Klinger at October 31, 2011 02:09 PM (Lt/Za)

168 Do gay guys get turned on by the sight of their own penis?

Posted by: The Todd at October 31, 2011 02:09 PM (66pgZ)

169 The Rule of 300 prevents these problems in the workplace. Weight + Age > 300.

Posted by: USA at October 31, 2011 02:11 PM (6Cjut)

170

Sexual harassment? Never heard of it.

Posted by: Helen Thomas at October 31, 2011 02:11 PM (n2K+4)

171 If I didn't actually touch the woman, but fapped to the sounds of it from the room upstairs, is that harrassment?

Posted by: zombie Ted Kennedy at October 31, 2011 02:11 PM (Y+DPZ)

172 A 'mature' woman at work has a sign at her desk.

Sexual Harassment at this workstation will not be tolerated...
...it will be graded.

Posted by: Minuteman (aka trainer) until Juggy is Gone at October 31, 2011 02:11 PM (DGxyd)

173
Say what you want men, but the bitch set me up.

Posted by: Marion Barry, Ex-Mayor of DC at October 31, 2011 02:11 PM (Lt/Za)

174 I always hire based on the interview, resume, and references

But first she must blow me

Posted by: Mel Gibson at October 31, 2011 02:13 PM (Y+DPZ)

175 Hey, babycakes.  Are you pregnant or just getting fat?

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 02:13 PM (coN0Z)

176
Sexual harassment is a serious crime, and I've never been on the receiving end of that perversion.  It's probably my demeanor and good looks.

Posted by: Sir Edmund Hillary Rodman Clinton at October 31, 2011 02:13 PM (Lt/Za)

177 Hey, I'm over here!!!

Posted by: Meghan McVain at October 31, 2011 02:14 PM (xMATX)

178

Is it SH if I instruct all of my workers to never put anything into the 'In Box' that has already been in the 'Out Box' without washing it, first.

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 02:14 PM (5eVSI)

179 Word to the wise, stay away from lesbian hookers with connections to the Mob.

Posted by: Janet Reno at October 31, 2011 02:15 PM (xMATX)

180 47

It's not harassment if I just show her a website that might or might not contain my junk, right?

Rookie mistake.  Just tweet it!  *squirt*


Posted by: Anthony Weiner at October 31, 2011 02:15 PM (BkQvr)

181 Hillary didn't harass me. Our relationship was my idea, by which I mean the Mulsim Brotherhood's idea.

Posted by: Huma Abedin, Soldier of Allah at October 31, 2011 02:15 PM (w41GQ)

182 I like to start meetings by saying "Hey which one of you bitches wants to make me a sandwich and then give me a blow job"  Carlin was a raging liberal, but he was funny.

Posted by: Big Zesty at October 31, 2011 02:16 PM (66pgZ)

183
I was sexually harassed by a French waiter at LuLu's in NYC.  Unsure what he wanted from me?

Posted by: Palin Steele, Banned from AoS for Life for Being a Bitch at October 31, 2011 02:16 PM (Lt/Za)

184 Is it sexual harrasment if she's passed out in a tent and naked? I don't hear any hissing sounds and there are no flashlights shining in my face. Also, it took me a considerable amount of time  to get her undressed.

 On the one hand, I would really hate to be ostracized from the OWS community, on the other hand; I am extra horny.If it makes any difference, she's an organic beekeeper from Florida who left her banker husband and 4 kids, so she's probably extra stretchy and won't feel a thing.   

Posted by: befuddled at October 31, 2011 02:16 PM (xJU23)

185

@166: "Some of the pron those baseball players have.... you really don't want to know about."

I read Puritan for the articles, I'll have you know.

Posted by: Derek Jeter at October 31, 2011 02:18 PM (xy9wk)

186
We've sexually harassed many men, and we're very proud of it.

Posted by: Dixie Chicks & Texas Slut Club Founders at October 31, 2011 02:18 PM (Lt/Za)

187 Honey, shake your tits and ass into that kitchen and fix me a sammich, k?

Posted by: Bubba at October 31, 2011 02:18 PM (R3k3C)

Posted by: probably already referenced at October 31, 2011 02:18 PM (kaHun)

189

And the classic:

"If you wake up face down in the woods with a rubber sticking out of your ass, would you tell anyone?"

"No"

"Wanna go camping"

Posted by: Big Zesty at October 31, 2011 02:19 PM (66pgZ)

190 Is sniffing okay?

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 02:19 PM (JVEmw)

191 Hey, baby, you gonna shave those legs or braid them?

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 02:19 PM (4CSeG)

192 Guys, remember;  if all you get initially is your face slapped, - it's foreplay.

Posted by: Fritz at October 31, 2011 02:19 PM (FabC8)

193 A guy walked by me with a bucket of fried chicken.

I'm suing him for sexual harassment.

Posted by: Meghan McCheese at October 31, 2011 02:19 PM (QaKuj)

194
That bitch Minnie has been messing with me for years.

Posted by: Mickey Mouse at October 31, 2011 02:20 PM (Lt/Za)

195 Hey your husband's about my size, from the waste up anyway.

Posted by: Jon in TX at October 31, 2011 02:20 PM (tpcmH)

196 I was at a Halloween party Saturday night and someone showed up in a tandem horse costume.

Sexual harassment?

Posted by: Sarah Jessica Parker at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (QaKuj)

197 I like to leave buzzing vibrators in gal's chairs when they go to the ladies' room. Am I wrong?

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (niZvt)

198 "Say dirty things to me."
"The kitchen, the living room, the bathroom, ..."

Posted by: fb at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (JVEmw)

199
I'm.. "In the Navy"!



(How Stupidity Became a Virtue in the Land of the Free)

Posted by: Village Idiot at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (1rflU)

200

I'm so fortunate that where I work we're all sick f'rs and we constantly forage in the gutter.  I keep fake sexual harrassment reporting forms on the counter, just in case.

Posted by: jaimo at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (mfi7f)

201 Anybody wanna see my cock?

Posted by: Charles Haley at October 31, 2011 02:21 PM (l3RZ9)

202 Gas, Grass or Ass.  Nobody rides for free.

Posted by: Ron Paul at October 31, 2011 02:22 PM (IADp6)

203 @207: "That bitch Minnie has been messing with me for years.

Posted by: Mickey Mouse at October 31, 2011 07:20 PM (Lt/Za)

-------------------------

Damnit, I didn't call your wife crazy.  I said: "Minnie's fucking Goofy"

Posted by: Donald Duck at October 31, 2011 02:22 PM (xy9wk)

204
I'm frequently harassed by males seeking to gain access to my cuchi.  Or maybe it's my bank account?

Posted by: Orca Winfrey, Presidential Knob Gobbler at October 31, 2011 02:22 PM (Lt/Za)

205

I was discussing my heritage with Ari one night when he asked me if I had any Greek in me.  When I said no, he asked if I’d like a little Greek in me.

Hahaha, that Ari...always goofing around. 

LBJ had my first husband killed, by the way.


Posted by: Jackie Kennedy at October 31, 2011 02:22 PM (gmi2T)

206 So, I was doing this chick doggie style (yes, it was consentual)- when I slipped & Russel enters her pooter. Can I get in trouble for that?

Posted by: Deep in Detroit at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (bZ8J6)

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (Y+DPZ)

208

@210: "I like to leave buzzing vibrators in gal's chairs when they go to the ladies' room. Am I wrong?"

Get your freak on!

Posted by: TSA at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (xy9wk)

209 It was not harassment, it was consensual.

Posted by: Larry Sinclaire at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (kaHun)

210
When Lucy pulls the football, is that harassment?

Posted by: Charlie Brown at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (Lt/Za)

211 Is it ok to offer a female employee 9.99 inch special?

Posted by: Herman Cain at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (BkQvr)

212 Some guy dressed in a Han Solo costume kept giving me funny looks.

No need to sue when you can sic the Secret Service on him.

Posted by: Michelle Obama at October 31, 2011 02:23 PM (QaKuj)

213 I like to email chicks photos of my ding dong. Was I wrong?

Posted by: Anthony Wiener at October 31, 2011 02:24 PM (niZvt)

214 So nicknaming a female coworker "Mary Jane Rottencrotch" would be frowned upon?  Just wanna be clear ...

Posted by: eastvalleyphx at October 31, 2011 02:24 PM (qiOph)

215 Hey, just because I can lay an egg....

Posted by: The Chicken at October 31, 2011 02:24 PM (1cUr7)

216 Hello!  Are you staring at my tits?

Posted by: Pamela Geller at October 31, 2011 02:25 PM (RW+8z)

217 12 inch, white, lots of mayo.

Posted by: Subway - Eat Fresh at October 31, 2011 02:25 PM (JVEmw)

218

@228: "I like to email chicks photos of my ding dong. Was I wrong?"

If that is wrong, we don't wanna be right.

Posted by: Brett Favre and Stan Humphries at October 31, 2011 02:25 PM (xy9wk)

219
I don't have anyone to harass other than little Ted.

Posted by: Ted Kaczynski at October 31, 2011 02:26 PM (Lt/Za)

220 Pizza with anchovies.  That's sexual harrassment.

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 02:26 PM (coN0Z)

221 45 Liquor in the front,
Poker in the rear.

Posted by: Burma Shave at October 31, 2011 06:43 PM (N+Fis)

Did you see that at the old Chinese joint in Auburn California?

Posted by: the Butcher at October 31, 2011 02:26 PM (8g9qq)

222 man- I said , "I like you best, not your breasts!"

Posted by: willow at October 31, 2011 02:27 PM (h+qn8)

223
I'm out of the harassing business for now, but I shall return.

Posted by: Dan Rather at October 31, 2011 02:27 PM (Lt/Za)

224 So how do the legalities play out here? 

Ms Not-So-Hot runs a case on Herman, she ends up with a $60K settlement way back when.  The terms were she keep it secret.

She is now in a meeting with some Soros lawyers, them saying they'll pay her a quarter-million to let it all hang out, but they don't know what she's got.

Does she violate the terms by telling the Soros lawyers everything about the case, but nothing about her settlement?  Does such a violation mean she has to give the money back to those who paid it out?  If so, is interest involved? 

Shouldn't she say to the Soros lawyers, "I'll not tell you anything at all until I see your deposit of 250 large in my Cayman Island account," and only then sing?

Posted by: I'm in a New York state of mind at October 31, 2011 02:27 PM (4sQwu)

225

I accidentally showed a co-worker some Japanese octopus porn.

It was a total accident, seriously.

I was a priest at the time, so it got a little contentious.

Posted by: Rev Dr E Buzz at October 31, 2011 02:27 PM (LWXG/)

226 I did not sexually harass her! It was just an innocent game of charades, and the topic was Silence of The Lambs.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at October 31, 2011 02:27 PM (xy9wk)

227 How 'bout a li' kiss. baby? No, you pig. You're drunk and gross. Then I guess a blowjob is out of the question?

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at October 31, 2011 02:28 PM (le5qc)

228 Hey!  Will you tell your tits to quit staring at my eyes.

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 02:28 PM (coN0Z)

229
I accidentally harassed many Ace of Spades posters by linking to porn, but it wasn't sexual harassment. 

PS  I haven't been laid in years.

Posted by: Curious at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (Lt/Za)

230 I love that Chinese restaurant. It's outa business now.

Posted by: Nickie Goomba at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (IN03X)

231 Is it ok to ask a female co-worker what the best timeframe is for me to stalk her? I don't want to come off as an inconsiderate freak.

Posted by: Spiked at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (dagTu)

232 Can you blow me where the Pampers is?

Posted by: The Old Lady from PCU at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (xy9wk)

233 Late to the thread

Just clicked on 201 and had problems with the link, but I was coming here to post it anyway.

The Definitive Sexual Harassment Guide

Posted by: The Q at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (LnQhT)

234 Is it sexual harrassment to send your coworkers links to a site where guys show their junk and its covered in gay porn ads?  Cause I do that all the time.

Posted by: curiously stupid at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (GULKT)

235 Can you say, "Underwear?"

Posted by: President Merkin at October 31, 2011 02:29 PM (kaHun)

236 Tip # 1 To avoid potential sexual harassment issues, keep the office full of women who look like Christina Romer and Hillary Clinton

Posted by: White House Human Resources Office at October 31, 2011 02:30 PM (le5qc)

237

One summer during college, I worked as a construction laborer for a maniac ex-Marine and three felons (with some overlap).  I distinctly recall being told that if I didn't move more quickly, that I would be "fucked in the ass."  Perhaps I should have retained a lawyer instead of seeking revenge by sawing through all of their joists at the end of the summer. 

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 31, 2011 02:30 PM (1cUr7)

238 Is this sexual harassment? OK, wait a minute. How about this?

Posted by: Nickie Goomba at October 31, 2011 02:30 PM (IN03X)

239
Her-ass we much.

Posted by: Al Sharpton, Rev. at October 31, 2011 02:31 PM (Lt/Za)

240 I bought a girl a 2 million dollar ring... and she divorced me 72 days later..
Can I sue for harassment?

Fuckin' newb...

Posted by: Kobe Bryant at October 31, 2011 02:31 PM (SNjPs)

241 I always thought work would be more fun if I could feel up certain women. Nothing weird, just some under-the-bra action.  I often thought that during long meetings with my boss who had a pair of warheads that would knock your socks off.
See, that's motivational factors for you: if I meet my quotas, I get to feel my boss's tits for one minute.

Posted by: Fart at October 31, 2011 02:31 PM (39HkA)

242 So, if I ask her to put her arms out like this, then grab her boobehs and say like a radio operator, "Come in, Rangoon," is that OK?

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 02:32 PM (d0Tfm)

243 My CDs and videos are a perfect icebreaker for your female coworkers.

Posted by: Andrew Dice Clay at October 31, 2011 02:32 PM (LnQhT)

244 My girlfriend just dumped me. When I asked her why, she said "Because you're a peadophile."  So I told her, "That's a really big word for an eight year old!"

Posted by: Roman Polanski at October 31, 2011 02:32 PM (xy9wk)

245

Good afternoon everyone. Welcome to the weekly staff meeting.

Now let's you just drop em pants. Take em right off.

See that photocopier? Get down acrost it.

Posted by: Gap-Toothed Mountain Manager at October 31, 2011 02:32 PM (w41GQ)

246

Madamoiselle Rimbaud:  Your Majesty!  I simply don't do it.

King Louis XVI:  C'mon, you do it. You love to do it. We all do it. You do it.

Madamoiselle Rimbaud:  No, I don't!

King Louis XVI:  I do it, I love to do it. I just did it and I'm ready to do it again, don't tell me you don't do it!

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 02:32 PM (4q5tP)

247

You know how we separate the men from the boys?

With a crowbar. 

Posted by: The Greeks at October 31, 2011 02:33 PM (1cUr7)

248 All I wanted was a snippet of your hair.  You know, to complete my doll.

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 02:33 PM (coN0Z)

249 I'm bored with sexual harassment of women. I want to harass a whole country. Which country should i start with?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 02:34 PM (EiH7n)

250 They're in my thoughts....I'm in their bushes....it all evens out.

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (xy9wk)

251 I was just checking the material!

Posted by: George Costanza at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (kaHun)

252

What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?

The woman replies, Its Keith, the midget.


Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (Lt/Za)

253 I once got fired for putting my dick in the pickle slicer down at the cannery. Well, she got fired too. Which brings up the questions: 1) Was Cain fired over this? 2) When were the allegations made? Before or after these women left the company?

Posted by: Ole at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (fpkIr)

254 How much for the little girl? How much for the women?

Posted by: Senator Joliet Blues at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (gEvYK)

255 Only Repubs do harassment. Us Dems...it's all wanted, baby.

Posted by: Jummah at October 31, 2011 02:35 PM (Hic+o)

256 264 I'm bored with sexual harassment of women. I want to harass a whole country.

Which country should i start with?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 07:34 PM (EiH7n)

Chad.  He's just asking for it.

Posted by: buzzion at October 31, 2011 02:36 PM (GULKT)

257 Feminazi rule #8249

If an black republican invites you up to his hotel room and you decline and he apologizes for the misunderstanding...  PAYDAY!1!1!!!1!

Posted by: Whoopie Goldberg at October 31, 2011 02:36 PM (I9fXA)

258 and remember if it gets to intense your safe word is "FLÜGGÅƎNK∂€ČHIŒβØL∫ÊN"

Posted by: bannor at October 31, 2011 02:36 PM (RZqFI)

259 If I notice that Mitt Romney sucks, is that sexual harassment, or just the TRUTH?

Posted by: Live Free Or Die at October 31, 2011 02:37 PM (RW+8z)

260 Sexual harassment is defined as sexual conduct or innuendo by a guy who isn't hot or rich enough.

Posted by: Trimegistus at October 31, 2011 02:37 PM (tqUbZ)

261 I'm watching a live webcam of myself, and I don't approve of what the on-camera me is currently doing.

Posted by: deri at October 31, 2011 02:37 PM (FQlFL)

262 201 SNL Classic

Posted by: probably already referenced at October 31, 2011 07:18 PM (kaHun)



Wait for the ad-fail to run its course, 30 sec.

Posted by: I live for link fail at October 31, 2011 02:37 PM (kaHun)

263 OT twitt from Iowahawk   #Obamaween Borrow 600 pounds of Snickers from the Changs next door and hand 'em out with the IOUs.

Posted by: Shiggz undecided - weighing pros-cons-balls at October 31, 2011 02:38 PM (I9fXA)

264 I will give you a raise if you show up to work tomorrow without a shirt.  Is that appropriate? 

Posted by: Peter Griffin at October 31, 2011 02:38 PM (UR5vq)

265 274 If I notice that Mitt Romney sucks, is that sexual harassment, or just the TRUTH? Posted by: Live Free Or Die at October 31, 2011 07:37 PM (RW+8z) it's just a sad fact of our national decline.

Posted by: bannor at October 31, 2011 02:38 PM (RZqFI)

266 Your drug test came back positive.  Ya' wanna fuck?

Posted by: Soona - without gringo candy at October 31, 2011 02:39 PM (coN0Z)

267 You know, that new girl in HR would make a nice suit.

Posted by: Ed Gein at October 31, 2011 02:40 PM (QKKT0)

268 Apparently, topless photos of Taylor Swift are on the internet.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 02:40 PM (ieDPL)

269 283

RIP

Posted by: This Thread's Tombstone at October 31, 2011 02:43 PM (JVEmw)

270 Where da white women at?

Posted by: OWS Sexual Harrassment Working Group at October 31, 2011 02:44 PM (JYheX)

271
This threads deader than Debbie Wassermanly Schultz' clitoris.

Posted by: Dr Phil at October 31, 2011 02:44 PM (Lt/Za)

272

Dear EEOC:

When evaluating candidates for an administrative assistant position, I go through the usual checks: typing speed, experience, computer skills, phone handling, etc.  My final check is to have each candidate stand straight, turn, and walk to the wall.  With hands clasped behind their pretty little heads, elbows forward.  Successful candidates will not have their elbows hit the wall first.

Is this wrong?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 02:44 PM (4q5tP)

273 It isn't sexual harassment if you know your place.

Posted by: Fritz at October 31, 2011 02:45 PM (FabC8)

274 So, is it inappropriate to remark about the size of one's wiener while in the office cafeteria?

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:45 PM (piMMO)

275 "Bitch Better Have My Money" brings the panties down every time.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 02:45 PM (QaKuj)

276
It isn't harassment if she suggests a blowjob.  Or a dirty sanchez!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 02:46 PM (Lt/Za)

277 If a woman tells another woman at the office how great her boob job looks, would that be considered too forward?

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:46 PM (piMMO)

278 If you want this job, you're gonna have to come make pancakes with me.

Posted by: The Q at October 31, 2011 02:47 PM (LnQhT)

279 Chad is so tiny. Why Chad? You like petite countries?

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 02:47 PM (EiH7n)

280 If the definition of sexual harassment is a gesture that made you uncomfortable man I could write a book. 

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 02:47 PM (Z71Vg)

281 Oh, and Willow, if you're here, I'm taking your suggestion for mixing things up with the moniker.

Thanks!

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:48 PM (piMMO)

282 Buzzion, I'm NOT taking yours.



heh

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:48 PM (piMMO)

283

Slight quibble with the title of this thread: "Sexual Harassment (Tips & Tricks)".  They are no longer called "Tricks;" they are properly called "clients."

Posted by: Dennis Hof at October 31, 2011 02:49 PM (xy9wk)

284 If you're a guy and you grab Ace's dick, it's not sexual harassment. That's the law...

Posted by: mike at October 31, 2011 02:49 PM (DhTsA)

285 I've been slapped in 5 different languages.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 02:49 PM (EiH7n)

286 Apparently, topless photos of Taylor Swift are on the internet.


{{fingers in ears}}


LALALALALAALLALALAA!!!!

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:50 PM (piMMO)

287 Is it sexual harassment if I show co workers Nude Photos of my lover?

Posted by: Muslim in Islamabad at October 31, 2011 02:50 PM (BkQvr)

288 Happy Last-Day-of-GLBT Awesomeness Month!1!!1!!!!

Posted by: Asscheeks of Saturn at October 31, 2011 02:50 PM (le5qc)

289 Is it wrong to call the female staff "the buffet"?

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 02:51 PM (4CSeG)

290

Sign in more than one bar in the Keys:

Guys, no shirt, no shoes, no service.

Ladies, no shirt, free beer!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 02:52 PM (d0Tfm)

291

This threads deader than Debbie Wassermanly Schultz' clitoris.

Well, I think we all need to do something about that!  C'mon people!  This could be fun.  btw- I am stealing that line.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 02:53 PM (Z71Vg)

292 Ya know. It really pisses me of that when I return to work on Mondays you guys just keep going on with the blog like I don't even matter.

How am I suppose to be charming and witty profane and obtuse on every thread when you just keep moving along?

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:53 PM (piMMO)

293 Is it wrong to call the female staff "the buffet"?


LOL!

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:53 PM (piMMO)

294 They were probably asking for it.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 02:53 PM (ieDPL)

295
I tell my gf if she wants to go to a party and she says yes.
Then I tell her to hand down my pants and have a ball or two.
Then I get smack.

Posted by: YIKES! at October 31, 2011 02:54 PM (70TBD)

296 You haven't suffered thru sexual harassment til you have been harassed by a truck driver.  No offense to any morons who are truckers, but my God!  Some of the truckers who have come thru our office had no shame at all.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 02:55 PM (Z71Vg)

297 Is it SH to copulate with the refuse of a Freshman Senator?

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 02:55 PM (5eVSI)

298 When I was 21 and working as a waitress in a diner, guys thought it was really clever to say, " I'll have one waitress to go with nothing on it."

Posted by: nerdygirl at October 31, 2011 02:55 PM (Qx4M7)

299 Some of the truckers who have come thru our office had no shame at all.

They also haven't seen their own penises in decades.

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 02:56 PM (GTbGH)

300 There was a time in these women ivy league schools where they took nude photos of all the incoming freshman girls. I shit you not. This was back when these schools were run by dykes. It was a big deal when Sandra Day O'Connor was nominated to the bench and they were trying to get her nudies.

Posted by: mike at October 31, 2011 02:56 PM (DhTsA)

301

Is this wrong?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 07:44 PM (4q5tP)


Correct posture is very important in an assistant who will be putting in the long hard hours that are demanded. Sloppy posture could result in terrible backaches. It's only fair to make certain that she is up to the task.


It's the only decent thing to do.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:56 PM (piMMO)

302
A sure tip off it's OK to sexually harass a female is if she wears CFM shoes.  You know the ones. High heels with those strap things around the ankle.  Yeah, it's the old Come Fuck Me routine.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 02:56 PM (Lt/Za)

303

You, like my wife, are the perfect size. Short with a flat head so I can rest my drink on her.

Posted by: Hermie at October 31, 2011 02:56 PM (Uf5Bp)

304 When I was 21 and working as a waitress in a diner, guys thought it was really clever to say, " I'll have one waitress to go with nothing on it."

I had a French guy ask me if my boobs stood up like that one their own or if I had a boob job.

No kidding.

Lousy tipper too.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 02:58 PM (piMMO)

305
320

Does her dad own a liquor store?

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 02:58 PM (LEcV+)

306 Does her dad own a liquor store?

She's also a deaf mute, with dentures.

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 02:59 PM (GTbGH)

307 Harass me - sexually - please ... I've caught enough crap for my on-line posting and education choices.

Posted by: Master's in Womyn's Studies bartending 99%er at October 31, 2011 02:59 PM (Y9JPs)

308
...and no gag reflex.

Posted by: Wodeshed at October 31, 2011 03:00 PM (LEcV+)

309

Correct posture is very important in an assistant who will be putting in the long hard hours that are demanded. Sloppy posture could result in terrible backaches. It's only fair to make certain that she is up to the task.


It's the only decent thing to do.

That's just what I was thinking.  The rounded, slope-shouldered, slumping posture inhibits productivity and does not create the youthful, dynamic image I want for my business.  Head up, shoulders back, chest out, belly in.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:01 PM (4q5tP)

310 I wonder how many actual bartenders have bartending degrees?

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:01 PM (ieDPL)

311

I had a French guy ask me if my boobs stood up like that one their own or if I had a boob job.

No kidding.

Lousy tipper too.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 07:58 PM (piMMO)

The lousy tipper part goes without saying because of that.

And too bad for you.  You know it would have been fun explaining it when people asked you what it meant

Posted by: buzzion at October 31, 2011 03:02 PM (GULKT)

312 Lex and Terry interviewed a guy, about 10 years ago, who owned a blow-up doll company. They asked him which was his best seller and he said it was about three feet tall with no arms or legs and a koozie in the top of the head.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:02 PM (piMMO)

313

I had a French guy ask me if my boobs stood up like that one their own or if I had a boob job.

Funniest thing ever at my work was the 2 french truck drivers (yes, really).. they walked in and saw me and my co-worker who was a knockout and both of their faces literally lit up and they started speaking very fast in French to each other.  We both were dying laughing.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:02 PM (Z71Vg)

314 Still waiting for my fast food fix, eyeing the bowl of Butterfingers...

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 03:02 PM (Qjh0I)

315 I had a women boss once.  Her boobs harassed me on a daily basis.

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 03:03 PM (GTbGH)

316 319
A sure tip off it's OK to sexually harass a female is if she wears CFM shoes.  You know the ones. High heels with those strap things around the ankle.  Yeah, it's the old Come Fuck Me routine.
Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 07:56 PM (Lt/Za)

I've always referred to them as FM Pumps

Posted by: unrepentant troglodyte at October 31, 2011 03:04 PM (Y9JPs)

317 Cain: Knock Lnock! Co-worker: Who's there? Cain: Pizza! Co-worker: Pizza who? Cain: Pizza ASS, Ho!

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 03:04 PM (niZvt)

318 Funniest thing ever at my work was the 2 french truck drivers (yes, really).. they walked in and saw me and my co-worker who was a knockout and both of their faces literally lit up and they started speaking very fast in French to each other.  We both were dying laughing.

Subtlety is not their strong suit.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:04 PM (piMMO)

319 "They asked him which was his best seller and he said it was about three feet tall with no arms or legs and a koozie in the top of the head."

Yea, try THAT with an Ewok.

Best.
Seller.
Ever.

Posted by: Hey! Taht's not funny! at October 31, 2011 03:05 PM (pVvkk)

320 Five trick or treaters so far.  I have enough candy for 100.  Little shits better start showing up.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:06 PM (Z71Vg)

321 I wonder how many actual bartenders have bartending degrees?

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 08:01 PM (ieDPL)

That reminds me of an old joke.

What's the difference between a bartender and a proctologist?

A proctologist only deals with one asshole at a time.

Posted by: meatwad at October 31, 2011 03:06 PM (70TBD)

322

Five trick or treaters so far.  I have enough candy for 100.  Little shits better start showing up.

Same here, all at once just now. It's a good thing B'Gal and I like Butterfingers.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 03:07 PM (d0Tfm)

323 What is considered the proper hour to douse the pumpkin and eat the remaining chocolates?

Posted by: toby928 Perrykrishna with tattooed knuckles at October 31, 2011 03:07 PM (GTbGH)

324 I had a boss who had been in Playboy.  That was awkward.....

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at October 31, 2011 03:07 PM (xy9wk)

325 49 I almost forgot.Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a misrable failure.


Now THAT offends me!

Posted by: KelliD at October 31, 2011 03:08 PM (Jc1dP)

326

Subtlety is not their strong suit

No it's not, but God it was hilarious.  It was almost refreshing.. most of them either just stare at me, or put most of their body thru the window of my office and try to say something clever.  They usually reek of smoke and BO.  Not all mind you.. some are very nice but there's always that 3 or 4 every season.  My GM then has to come in and yell at them.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:09 PM (Z71Vg)

327 339

Five trick or treaters so far.  I have enough candy for 100.  Little shits better start showing up.

Same here, all at once just now. It's a good thing B'Gal and I like Butterfingers.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 08:07 PM (d0Tfm)

Not one trick or treater yet, guess I will just have to eat the candy, dammit..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:10 PM (R21xD)

328 337 Five trick or treaters so far.

three here

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:10 PM (5H6zj)

329 I guess I'll just repeat what I said this morning. If telling a woman "I wanna pour milk all over that ass and maker it part of my complete breakfast" is harassment, then okay, fine. Technically, I'm a "harasser."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 03:10 PM (PLHIl)

330 Zero

Posted by: toby928 Perrykrishna with tattooed knuckles at October 31, 2011 03:10 PM (GTbGH)

331 i had a boss who loved to tell dirty jokes .... i didn't get half of them.....and the half i did get, i acted like i didn't ......

Posted by: phoenixgirl ready to drink the perry flavor-aid at October 31, 2011 03:10 PM (SH3gZ)

332 Posted by: Empire of Jeff

About time you showed up, Dread Lord.  This should be right in your wheelhouse.

Posted by: toby928 Perrykrishna with tattooed knuckles at October 31, 2011 03:11 PM (GTbGH)

333 315 When I was 21 and working as a waitress in a diner, guys thought it was really clever to say, " I'll have one waitress to go with nothing on it." Posted by: nerdygirl at October 31, 2011 07:55 PM (Qx4M7) I had lunch at a diner today that featured items labeled "Happy Waitress" and " Sweet Endings." The jokes wrote themselves.

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 03:12 PM (niZvt)

334 If i saw a woman i really liked i'd say; I saw a girl in Penthouse that looks just like you.

Posted by: humphreyrobot at October 31, 2011 03:12 PM (EiH7n)

335

Same here, all at once just now. It's a good thing B'Gal and I like Butterfingers.

LOL- i got Butterfingers and Baby Ruth's.  I figured we would have early trick or treaters because of the game to tonight.. SD and KC.  Oh and GO CHIEFS!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:12 PM (Z71Vg)

336 I have had more Trick or Treaters that shave and wear bras this year than the cute innocent little ones.  When someone says "Trick or Treat" in a voice deeper than my own I tell them to beat it.  Is that wrong?

Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 03:12 PM (jucos)

337

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 08:10 PM (PLHIl)

Damn, you don't do anything half-assed, even lechery,

Posted by: Peter Griffin at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (UR5vq)

338 If I meet Michelle Obama in my French maid costume, is that sexual harassment?

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (QaKuj)

339 A sure tip off it's OK to sexually harass a female is if she wears CFM shoes.  You know the ones. High heels with those strap things around the ankle.  Yeah, it's the old Come Fuck Me routine.

You must be more specific. These, technically, meet your definition. They are called Mary Janes and are definitely not FM shoes. These, however, certainly are.

And for these, my dears, I might kill any of you.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (piMMO)

340

Two, the neighbor's kids.  I've eaten 4 Almond Joys and 1 M&Ms, all fun-size.

At 9 pm CST, the porch lights go out.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (4q5tP)

341

Second grade halloween party today: Apple slices, popcorn, festive napkins.

There should be a way that a woman can show herself as open to sexual harrassment. Like, dressing like a whore or something.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (7enUC)

342 341 I had a boss who had been in Playboy.  That was awkward..... Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at October 31, 2011 08:07 PM

I once worked with a Sailor who's sister was in Playboy. She was smokin' too. She talked about Playboy offering a double-spread with her sister. I had to leave for a...personal moment.

Posted by: Jeff Weimer at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (uHxzO)

343

Is that wrong?

NO but you may want to bring that pumpkin in off the porch.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:14 PM (Z71Vg)

344

I have had more Trick or Treaters that shave and wear bras this year than the cute innocent little ones.

If they're not Hooters Girls, MOVE!

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 03:15 PM (d0Tfm)

345 Is it OK to ask a waitress for an open face tuna sandwich? In the parking lot?

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 03:15 PM (niZvt)

346

And for these, my dears, I might kill any of you.

Are these the ones that can only be worn once because they practically dissolve?

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:15 PM (7enUC)

347 This is a thread that really need Pat Caddell.

Posted by: hack at October 31, 2011 03:16 PM (lTDls)

348 I have had more Trick or Treaters that shave and wear bras this year than the cute innocent little ones.

Everyone wants to be Chaz Bono this year.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at October 31, 2011 03:16 PM (QKKT0)

349 Speaking of dressing up for Halloween, OWS doesn't disappoint;

"Whom the Gods Would Destroy, They First Make Silly"

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 03:17 PM (Y+DPZ)

350 If I meet Michelle Obama in my French maid costume, is that sexual harassment?

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at October 31, 2011 08:14 PM (QaKuj)


DAMNIT!

Now I have that Exit to Eden image in my mind.

{{Think of Dana Delaney. Think of Dana Delaney.}}

Too late! I'm already sick to my stomach.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:17 PM (piMMO)

351 340 9:30

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:17 PM (7enUC)

352
  I enjoy handing out candy to the ones who survive the Claymores. Mines also keep the door to door sellers under control.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 31, 2011 03:18 PM (SAMxH)

353

F Me Pumps

Posted by: Amy Winehouse at October 31, 2011 08:16 PM (QaKuj)


Oh my. A Muppets advert prior to a wino's Fuck Me song!

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:18 PM (piMMO)

354

NO but you may want to bring that pumpkin in off the porch.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 08:14 PM (Z71Vg)

Meh.  If they make them 'disappear' then I don't need to dispose of them.  It's a win/win for me.

Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 03:18 PM (jucos)

355
2 trick or treaters in all 16 years here.





Very long driveway uphill. Plus the gate  keeps the little beggars out

hehe

Posted by: sickinmass at October 31, 2011 03:18 PM (1rflU)

356

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 08:15 PM (niZvt)

lmao!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:18 PM (Z71Vg)

357 You sheeple need to educate yourselves.

You can ask a woman co-worker for a BJ.

But it has to be during a scheduled break and you have to say, "This has nothing to do with work".

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 03:19 PM (4CSeG)

358 The only time my pumpkin has ever been smashed was 2004 when I had  George Bush and a Support our troops signs. The pumpkin was smashed two days later and their fucking Kerry literature left on my door. I then spent the entire election day calling the number on their flyer asking for a ride to the polls and giving different addresses.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:20 PM (7enUC)

359 63 Posted by: Shiggz undecided - weighing pros-cons-balls at October 31, 2011 06:47 PM (I9fXA)

Don't know if there was a time limit for this listing, but too many of you young punks weren't around when Representative Wilbur Mills (D, Arkansas) and Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, was caught red-handed in hanky-panky involving a limousine, the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall and an ex-stripper named Fanne Fox ,the "Argentinian Bombshell". Good times, good times.

Posted by: unrepentant troglodyte at October 31, 2011 03:20 PM (Y9JPs)

360 375 You sheeple need to educate yourselves.

You can ask a woman co-worker for a BJ.

But it has to be during a scheduled break and you have to say, "This has nothing to do with work".

phew that's a relief

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 03:21 PM (s7mIC)

361 2 trick or treaters in all 16 years here.

Very long driveway uphill. Plus the gate  keeps the little beggars out

hehe
Posted by: sickinmass at October 31, 2011 08:18 PM

So does the 90 year old who comes at them with "give auntie a big kiss"

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 03:21 PM (Y+DPZ)

362

Oh my. A Muppets advert prior to a wino's Fuck Me song!

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 08:18 PM (piMMO)


--Technically, it's not a "Fuck Me" song.  It's kind of funny.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:22 PM (QaKuj)

363 376 That is great.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:22 PM (ieDPL)

364

Are these the ones that can only be worn once because they practically dissolve?

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:15 PM (7enUC)

Oh yeah.

The first thing I do when I buy a great pair of shoes is take them to the cobbler to have a rubber sole applied. I couldn't figure out why the soles are so friggin thin on my best shoes but he explained it to me and, when he did, I had a big DUH! moment.

They are made of the highest quality materials and for style, not continuous wear. The women who buy them at retail are not interested in wearing the same shoes year after year.

For those who are, rubber soles do the trick.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:22 PM (piMMO)

365 377 It was the Tidal Basin not the reflecting pool. I was a teenager but my mom was from arkansas and it was fun teasing her. I remember it well. Heh. Now it Fannie would be a Madame Butterfly IYKWIM

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:22 PM (7enUC)

366 Up to six - two groups of three

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:22 PM (5H6zj)

367 About time you showed up, Dread Lord.  This should be right in your wheelhouse. Thanks. I'm still buzzed from taking the Master Race trick or treating, so I'm gonna cheat with another repeat: Can you believe this chick at work filed a complaint when I told her, "I wanna skip across your bitchscape like Johnny Applesemen with a bag full of Population Yogurt?" Bitches, man. That's a COMPLIMENT, whore.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 03:23 PM (l9zgN)

368 Dagny.. it happened to us every damn year in my old neighborhood.  After the third year I learned to bring the pumpkins in at night or they would end up all over the driveway and street.  Hasn't happened once here though.  I guess I really did move up, lol!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:23 PM (Z71Vg)

369 But it has to be during a scheduled break and you have to say, "This has nothing to do with work".

If you're her supervisor, you MUST add, "your response will have no effect on my future evaluation of your job performance."

Posted by: Ask A Lawyer at October 31, 2011 03:23 PM (QKKT0)

370 376 The only time my pumpkin has ever been smashed was 2004 when I had  George Bush and a Support our troops signs.
Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:20 PM

Strangely enough, no one has ever smashed our pumpkin

Posted by: Smashing Pumpkins at October 31, 2011 03:23 PM (Y+DPZ)

371

not interested in wearing the same shoes year after year.

I heard the Jimmy Choos couldn't be worn TWICE

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:23 PM (7enUC)

372 man I've had a shitload of trick-or-treaters
there was this big flash mob of munchkins who came to my door this one time
thankfully I had enough candy for all of them, else I think there would have been a riot

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 03:24 PM (s7mIC)

373  Is it OK to ask a waitress for an open face tuna sandwich? In the parking lot?

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 08:15 PM (niZvt)

Yes, yes.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:24 PM (4q5tP)

374 Y-not, you're ahead of me now.  Holding steady at 5 here.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:24 PM (Z71Vg)

375 Hey ladies. Come sit on my lap and tell me all about how the bad man touched you.

Posted by: Sexual Harassment Panda at October 31, 2011 03:24 PM (fYOZx)

376 >>I enjoy handing out candy to the ones who survive the Claymores.

LOL. 

How was your football get-together, irongrandpa?

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:24 PM (5H6zj)

377 OK morons why has my back been freezing up when I stand on concrete for very long?

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:25 PM (7enUC)

378 Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:20 PM

Is smashing your pumpkin an euphemism?

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 03:25 PM (zaVyn)

379 Is it OK to ask a waitress for an open face tuna sandwich? In the parking lot?

Is it sexual harassment if she doesn't work for you? Really?

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:25 PM (piMMO)

380 and of course with all the strangers walking around, the neighbor's dog is barking his little head off

grrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 03:25 PM (s7mIC)

381 Posted by: Smashing Pumpkins at October 31, 2011 08:23 PM

Homer Simpson, nodding politely

Posted by: Smashing Pumpkins at October 31, 2011 03:25 PM (Y+DPZ)

382 Still zero.  I think the human skulls on pikes are scaring them.

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 03:26 PM (GTbGH)

383 61, if Clinton showed his Roman Weiner to the Lettermen, would it be harassment if Kennedy showed his stiff to Sharpton? These darn Netflix questions always stump me.

Posted by: R. Aurum Tar at October 31, 2011 03:26 PM (oNqtG)

384 395 That's fairly common. Good shoes may help.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:26 PM (ieDPL)

385 Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:25 PM (7enUC)

Bad shoes will do that.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 03:26 PM (zaVyn)

386 up to six!  my husband gave her like 7 candy bars.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:27 PM (Z71Vg)

387 Y'know, if you really want more trick or treaters, you might move the drying hobo pelts from the front to the rear of your house.

Posted by: unrepentant troglodyte at October 31, 2011 03:27 PM (Y9JPs)

388 I ain't got a single trick or treater. Which is good because I didn't by any candy for the moochers.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 03:27 PM (zaVyn)

389 I've had about ten little goblins so far.  I doubt I've ever had ore than twenty any one year.  Hell, I even am in costume this year.

(Todd Haley: Haven't shaved since Thursday, mullet wig, Chiefs cap and hoodie.  Not sure how it will affect the team tonight.)

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:27 PM (QaKuj)

390 Six more little nose-miners at once. Cute.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (d0Tfm)

391

not interested in wearing the same shoes year after year.

I heard the Jimmy Choos couldn't be worn TWICE

I wore my Cynthia Rowleys, once, prior to adding the rubber sole, and damn near wore a hole through the leather. That's the last time I do that.


As for JCs, I don't know, but that sounds about right.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (piMMO)

392 I miss our house on the hill in Lafayette and last year's house at the end of the really long, scary driveway on a busy street.


BTW, I just had a rush of seven.  Now up to lucky 13.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (5H6zj)

393 nothing is more fun than smashing pumpkins.....in fact...i may make a late night run........

Posted by: phoenixgirl ready to drink the perry flavor-aid at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (SH3gZ)

394 Technically, I harassed an electric horsie, but it wasn't caught on camera. 

Posted by: Jennifer Connelly at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (1cUr7)

395

I think the human skulls on pikes are scaring them.

lol- thanks for the idea.  Next year....

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:28 PM (Z71Vg)

396 I told a co-worker, "Sally, I want to ride your Come Hither ass like a Big Red Dog." Was I out of line?

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 03:29 PM (niZvt)

397 Twin girls as witches, very cute.  Followed by much older girls dressed as Snookie and entourage.  Not as cute.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:29 PM (4q5tP)

398 Cuddy tried to claim I was sexually harrassing her when I put it up her squeakhole.  I told her I was just taking her temperature

She said "ok, but when you pull it out there better be numbers on that thing"

Posted by: Dr Gregory House at October 31, 2011 03:29 PM (Y+DPZ)

399 400 Still zero.  I think the human skulls on pikes are scaring them

bwahahaha!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:29 PM (5H6zj)

400
Tip #1: Be a Democrat.

Tip #2: Ignore the fanatic imbecilic fans with their minds already made up at AoSHQ.

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 03:29 PM (7+pP9)

401 12 good costumes and one lame-assed kid with a wig and regular clothes.  Sad thing is his parents were actually with him and he was young enough that they should have gotten him a better costume. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:30 PM (5H6zj)

402 Ooo, love the Lenny Dawson MNF intro!

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:31 PM (QaKuj)

403 Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 08:29 PM (niZvt)

Depends on the result.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 03:31 PM (zaVyn)

404
>>Don't know if there was a time limit for this listing, but too many of you young punks weren't around when Representative Wilbur Mills...

Damn. That was when Boston had Combat Zone.


Good Times, Good Times.

Posted by: sickinmass at October 31, 2011 03:31 PM (1rflU)

405 That is not sexual harassment your honor.  I never wear pants.

Posted by: Lemmiwinks at October 31, 2011 03:31 PM (54F2e)

406 For some reason, "Free Flu Shots Here" seems real unpopular ...

Posted by: Arbalest at October 31, 2011 03:31 PM (3uFeR)

407 Cute Winnie the Pooh with his dad.  Probably 5. 

I said "hi Winnie" and he said "I'm Colin!"

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (5H6zj)

408 BTW, I just had a rush of seven.  Now up to lucky 13.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:28 PM (5H6zj)

None yet

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (R21xD)

409 395 OK morons why has my back been freezing up when I stand on concrete for very long? Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:25 PM (7enUC) Dagny, get a pair of Sanita Professional Clogs. They are life-changing if you spend long hours on your feet.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (fYOZx)

410

I wore my Cynthia Rowleys, once, prior to adding the rubber sole, and damn near wore a hole through the leather. That's the last time I do that.


As for JCs, I don't know, but that sounds about right.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 08:28 PM (piMMO)

Try some Vibram soles.

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (7+pP9)

411 Still zero.  I think the human skulls on pikes are scaring them

It's all in how they're arranged.

Posted by: Mr. Kurtz at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (QKKT0)

412
  At least the party went well. Pity you couldn't say the same for the game.

  The last couple trick or treaters we just had were definitely on the older side, I never saw Elvira look so fetching as this edition, gotta say.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (SAMxH)

413 Followed by much older girls dressed as Snookie and entourage.  Not as cute.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 08:29 PM (4q5tP)

--You should have given them vaj creme.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (QaKuj)

414 Oh, how nice of the children to show up at our door. I love getting meals delivered to our home

Posted by: Morticia Addams at October 31, 2011 03:32 PM (Y+DPZ)

415 Seven

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:33 PM (Z71Vg)

416 4 yo Batman was all excited to shout Trick or Treat! 

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (4q5tP)

417

You should have given them vaj creme.

Oh God, you guys are killing me here.  I just had a laughing fit followed by a coughing fit.  Hubby thinks I am insane.  I said "honey, no better way to spend Halloween than with the morons".

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (Z71Vg)

418 We've only had 1 trick or treater in the 8+ years we've lived in this house. It's dark, long driveway and kind of creepy. Perfect.

Posted by: Ms Choksondik at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (fYOZx)

419 432 Followed by much older girls dressed as Snookie and entourage.  Not as cute.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 08:29 PM (4q5tP)

--You should have given them vaj creme.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 08:32 PM

I give them lotion

Posted by: Buffalo Bill at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (Y+DPZ)

420 Now that my wife is upstairs bathing the twins, I'm giving out life advice to trick-or-treaters along with candy.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (0yt4x)

421
  I should add that Elvira was one of the neighbors who brought her kids--the family gets right in the spirit.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 31, 2011 03:35 PM (SAMxH)

422

--You should have given them vaj creme.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 08:32 PM (QaKuj)

Gardasil shot for the HPV.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:36 PM (4q5tP)

423 Pumpkins are food. Round, solid, launchable food.
Occupy sites have dozens of tents full of hungry commies.
Won't you donate?


Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (4CSeG)

424 It's always hard to know if you should be stingy with the early ones so you don't run out or throw caution to the wind and get rid of the candy fast.  Husband is not home for dinner yet (I told him to work late - he hates this stuff), but pretty soon he'll be home.  I don't want to have to pop up and down during dinner. 


I wish that neighborhoods would agree on a time - say 6 to 7 or something like that - so we old farts can eat dinner and watch football. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (5H6zj)

425 I'm giving out life advice to trick-or-treaters along with candy.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 08:35 PM (0yt4x)

Well they're screwed.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (zaVyn)

426 8:30, check!
Turn off yard lights, check!
Release the hounds, check!
Fill the moat, check!
--Remaining Kit Kat bars, your crispy centers are mine!

Posted by: AE at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (AsVq7)

427 I'm giving out life advice to trick-or-treaters along with candy.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 08:35 PM (0yt4x)

Go on.  Drop some nuggets of wisdom on us here

Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (jucos)

428 437 We've only had 1 trick or treater in the 8+ years we've lived in this house. It's dark, long driveway and kind of creepy. Perfect.

Ain't been by here

Posted by: Boo Radley at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (Y+DPZ)

429

I'm giving out life advice to trick-or-treaters along with candy.

Middle Age Man, is that you?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (4q5tP)

430 No, I specifically asked for a BJ and a sammich, not a PB&J sandwich. Am I right or am I right, Chris?

Posted by: zombie Ted Kennedy at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (Y9JPs)

431
  It's football time again, so have an excellent evening, good people.

    See ya later.

Posted by: irongrampa at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (SAMxH)

432 When someone says "Trick or Treat" in a voice deeper than my own I tell them to beat it.  Is that wrong? Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 08:12 PM (jucos) No, not wrong at all.

Posted by: The Incredible Edible/Throwable Egg Industry at October 31, 2011 03:37 PM (fpkIr)

433 439 Now that my wife is upstairs bathing the twins, I'm giving out life advice to trick-or-treaters along with candy

That should be... illuminating!  'Hope you're on good terms with the local constabulary!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:38 PM (5H6zj)

434 442 Never a trebuchet around when you need one.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:38 PM (ieDPL)

435 >>  It's football time again, so have an excellent evening, good people.

Have fun.  My FFL game is over so I get to try to drum up some interest in this game. 

Go Chiefs... I guess!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:39 PM (5H6zj)

436 447 437 We've only had 1 trick or treater in the 8+ years we've lived in this house. It's dark, long driveway and kind of creepy. Perfect.

Ain't been by here
Posted by: Boo Radley at October 31, 2011 08:37 PM

Here either. Maybe OWS kids would like to drop in for some candy and a shower

Posted by: Norman Bates at October 31, 2011 03:40 PM (Y+DPZ)

437 I've had about 15 little spooks so far tonight. One little guy I have never seen in my life took his candy bar, said Thank you and turned to walk away. At the bottom of my steps he turned around and said "hey lady...when I came here last year you werent here. Where were you?" I didn't have the heart to tell him I was at the bar and would be there again tonight if I hadnt just got home from the airport. 

Posted by: flyoverstate at October 31, 2011 03:40 PM (ajtpR)

438 Still nuthin'

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 03:40 PM (GTbGH)

439 That reminds me, I need to buy a bunch of discounted candy tomorrow.  It's very easy to come a cropper if'n you're not careful, man.

Posted by: Lance McCormick eBook at October 31, 2011 03:40 PM (/D8ux)

440 When someone says "Trick or Treat" in a voice deeper than my own I tell them to beat it.  Is that wrong?

Posted by: Osama bin Truck Monkey, TEArrorist Son of a Bitch at October 31, 2011 08:12 PM


Yes

Posted by: Zombie Michael Jackson at October 31, 2011 03:41 PM (Y+DPZ)

441 We've only had 1 trick or treater in the 8+ years we've lived in this house. It's dark, long driveway and kind of creepy. Perfect.

I've had two in 10 years. It might something to do with the fact that I lock the screen door and turn out all the lights. If one were stupid enough to ignore the obvious signals, I would ignore them and take further precautions next year, like a motion-sensor recording of a growling dog.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:41 PM (piMMO)

442 If I emailed Ace some pics of my junk would that be considered sexual harassment?

Posted by: brett favre at October 31, 2011 03:41 PM (+56Bh)

443 I like how the coaches of old dressed in a suit with a tie, these coaches look like bums who need a shave.

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:41 PM (R21xD)

444

Fat girls try harder. 

Snickers or Milky Way?

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 03:41 PM (5eVSI)

445 Just had a group of 8!

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:42 PM (QaKuj)

446 Have fun.  My FFL game is over so I get to try to drum up some interest in this game. 

Go Chiefs... I guess!

I have a player on each team but I've already sealed the deal for the match so it's all gravy now.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (piMMO)

447 462 I like how the coaches of old dressed in a suit with a tie, these coaches look like bums who need a shave

Yeah.  Belichik and those Ryan dudes are some of the worst.  That Dallas defensive coach Ryan dude looks like an escapee from a mental ward.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (5H6zj)

448 anyone hear an organ?

Posted by: Luther Heggs at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (aD5Kx)

449 Beeyoch, when I said, "five dollar foot long", I meant you pay me five dollars, and I'll pleasure you with my foot long.

Posted by: unrepentant troglodyte at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (Y9JPs)

450 462 I like how the coaches of old dressed in a suit with a tie, these coaches look like bums who need a shave. Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 08:41 PM

and a diet

Posted by: Rob Ryan at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (Y+DPZ)

451 I always throw packs of Trojans in the older ones' bags. Figure Mom & Dad will appreciate it.

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (niZvt)

452 458 I have been doing that for years. Reese's Pumpkins, Trees, and Eggs. After the Holiday.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:43 PM (ieDPL)

453

Yeah, time to start surfing back and forth between DWTS and the Chiefs/Chargers game.

Yes, I will watch Karina Smirnoff instead of football.

And we still have a dumptruck full of candy. I'll probably get zits, again.

Posted by: BackwardsBoy at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (d0Tfm)

454 Last time I sexually harassed a chick, she took all my money and still gets everything I make!!! Yeah, I call her WIFE

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (A1uUz)

455 Yeah.  Belichik and those Ryan dudes are some of the worst.  That Dallas defensive coach Ryan dude looks like an escapee from a mental ward.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:43 PM (5H6zj)

He does look deranged..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (R21xD)

456

_ERA _AKER....never denied it. nope

Posted by: B+rry Ob+owmao at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (2jMZp)

457 I'm 33 and I work with a lot of youngish people, maybe between 25 and 35.  I've noticed that the younger set of females seems to be looking for sexual harassment at work.  Not so much looking for lawsuits, but looking for reasons to complain about how this guy or that guy is "making them uncomfortable."  Usually it's for silly things like a guy looking at a woman too frequently, or chatting with her too often.  These Generation Y women in particular seem to want to keep dating and work entirely separate and take offense at the slightest effort by a guy to ask a girl out on the job or whatever.  I've learned to be very careful around these younger ladies at work.  I even limit my friendly hellos these days.

Posted by: DMG at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (hnoTN)

458 467 anyone hear an organ? Posted by: Luther Heggs at October 31, 2011 08:43 PM

No!

Posted by: Marlee Matlin at October 31, 2011 03:44 PM (Y+DPZ)

459 they all came at once.. up to 21.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:45 PM (Z71Vg)

460 474 Yeah.  Belichik and those Ryan dudes are some of the worst.  That Dallas defensive coach Ryan dude looks like an escapee from a mental ward.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:43 PM (5H6zj)

He does look deranged..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 08:44 PM (R21xD)


The Dude abides.

Posted by: The Dude at October 31, 2011 03:45 PM (QaKuj)

461 I left a container of candy out. I hope they take it all. I'm leaving in a few hours to go to a not particularly halloween related function, and I'm still getting ready.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of Candy Corn at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (bxiXv)

462
OK morons why has my back been freezing up when I stand on concrete for very long?

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:25 PM (7enUC)

They used to sell "shop shoes" that had a zig-zag sole shaped like  (side view):
_________
\| \| \| \| \| \|

I can't find them for sale anywhere anymore. You're best bet is to get a good work pad for the floor and some nice insoles. I use foam on top of gel. A good non-slip sole like a Vibram also helps.

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (7+pP9)

463 467 anyone hear an organ? Posted by: Luther Heggs at October 31, 2011 08:43 PM (aD5Kx) Oh, that was just me...

Posted by: CoolCzech's Organ at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (niZvt)

464 I've noticed that the younger set of females seems to be looking for sexual harassment at work.

The worst I saw was in California and, sad to say, it was the gheys.  Especially the lesbians.  Really friggin' annoying. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (5H6zj)

465 I like how the coaches of old dressed in a suit with a tie, these coaches look like bums who need a shave.

There won't be another gent like Landry around anytime soon either.

Here's Bear doing his thing.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (piMMO)

466 Wow, a Jonathan Baldwin sighting.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (QaKuj)

467 377 63 Don't know if there was a time limit for this listing, but too many of you young punks weren't around when Representative Wilbur Mills (D, Arkansas) and Chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, was caught red-handed in hanky-panky involving a limousine, the Reflecting Pool on the National Mall and an ex-stripper named Fanne Fox ,the "Argentinian Bombshell". Good times, good times.

He held a presser in a dressing room in a burlesque house. Wow.

Posted by: Miss'80s at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (d6QMz)

468
I was dating the library at a school, being in IT, my boss asked if I wanted this ticket so I could see my "wife".  Dickhead didn't know we broke up, would that be considered SH.

Or how about calling the women in the shop "girls"?

Posted by: auscolpyr at October 31, 2011 03:46 PM (8HSZ0)

469 479 The Dallas guy coaches like it also.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 03:47 PM (ieDPL)

470 There won't be another gent like Landry around anytime soon either.

Here's Bear doing his thing.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 08:46 PM (piMMO)

Love the hats.

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:47 PM (R21xD)

471 One family showed up.  I'm up to thirty. 

egads.  Utah.

Next year, cigarettes and condoms and a night of peace and quiet!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:48 PM (5H6zj)

472 What now?.. you ever see any clips of Hank Stram on the sidelines?  Fucking hilarious.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:48 PM (Z71Vg)

473 484 I like how the coaches of old dressed in a suit with a tie, these coaches look like bums who need a shave.

There won't be another gent like Landry around anytime soon either.

Here's Bear doing his thing.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 08:46 PM (piMMO)

--Mike Nolan (former head coach of the 49ers, now DC somewhere else) tried to have that look, but the NFL actually bitched about it since they want coaches to sport their logos on everything they wear.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:48 PM (QaKuj)

474

Dagny, get a pair of Sanita Professional Clogs. They are life-changing if you spend long hours on your feet.

Have some. They are wonderful but back still freezes. I don't spend long hours on my feet btw.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 03:50 PM (7enUC)

475 7. Wet Leather Life is just pain and piss; it's nothing that I will miss Life is just pain and piss; it's just... temporary Life is the madness of a drunken city night With wet leather on your back and rain dripping off your spikes PAIN! Life is just pain and piss. PISS! It's nothing that I will miss. PAIN! Life is just pain and piss and everything is a scam Life is your hopes and dreams, your expectations When your health is a full-time job, and there's no vacation Life is the comfort of a good friend's advice Who says it's all your fault and your standards are too high PAIN! Life is just pain and piss. PISS! It's nothing that I will miss. I'm always doing something to hurt myself just trying to feel alive Life is the impact of a falling brick wall of rain Coming down on your long walk home when your thoughts are sobering Life is your consciousness as you tame your wild beasts When exhaustion is the currency that you must pay for sleep Life is just pain and piss; it's nothing that I will miss Life is just pain and piss; it's just... temporary Life is the madness of a drunken city night

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 03:50 PM (fyOgS)

476 "See the little girl at the next house over, little man? The one dressed like Snow White? Yeah. Well in about fifteen years, candy won't be enough for Snow White. She's gonna want drinks. And not beer, little man - OH NO! Not for the fucking PRINCESS. It's gonna be premium call brands, my boy. Jack, Crown, Goose. Oh, she's fucking liberated alright. Right up until she says, "Oh I left my purse in the car - do you mind?" Fucking liberate this Frustration Boner, why don't you? Or just - Oh, nice. Yeah. Puke in my car and start crying. Fucking... Oh, just take the damn Snickers, boy. "

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 03:50 PM (XE2Oo)

477
I give them lotion

Posted by: Buffalo Bill at October 31, 2011 08:35 PM (Y+DPZ)

I give them the hose again.

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 03:51 PM (7+pP9)

478 you ever see any clips of Hank Stram on the sidelines?  Fucking hilarious

"NFL.  That stands for Not For Long if you keep making calls like that."

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:51 PM (5H6zj)

479

Have some. They are wonderful but back still freezes. I don't spend long hours on my feet btw.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:50 PM

Neither do I

Posted by: Shep Smith-Cooper at October 31, 2011 03:52 PM (Y+DPZ)

480 @487: dating the whole freaking library? Left no binding uncracked, eh?

Posted by: CoolCzech's Organ at October 31, 2011 03:52 PM (niZvt)

481 478 they all came at once.. up to 21.

That is how Debbie Washerman-Slutz got that hairstyle.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 03:53 PM (4CSeG)

482 Evil idea I once heard a comedian give for a Halloween idea.  If you have kids that don't really want to go out and like mean joke, have them dress up in costume and then have them get into a dog cage/kennel that will fit them.  Then put up a sign that says "Haunted House"  Then have the cages positioned so you can't see them until the door is fully opened.  Kids come to the door, and once the door is fully opened have your "prisoners" scream "It's a trick there's no haunted house. Run!"

Posted by: buzzion at October 31, 2011 03:54 PM (GULKT)

483 490 One family showed up.  I'm up to thirty. 

egads.  Utah.

Next year, cigarettes and condoms and a night of peace and quiet!

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:48 PM (5H6zj)

Tee hee, ya made me laugh, as I was a Utah kid. I know how many you can end up with, probably close to 100.

None yet here, still early.

I got the good stuff, m&m's kitkats, but I got the cheap stuff also, tootsie pops, twizzlers. What to do ,what to do..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 03:54 PM (R21xD)

484 Here at OWS, the No Snitching Working Group has developed some consensus SF tips. Please distribute them via human microphone.

...
Tip 8. Politeness Counts.

Wrong: Get your ass into the rape tent or I will cut a bitch.

Right: Your friend has had a serious accident. Please come to the rape tent to
learn more.
...

Posted by: OWS Working Group #75 at October 31, 2011 03:54 PM (Zmtw7)

485 Ha Ha frickin EoJ.

Posted by: USS Diversity at October 31, 2011 03:54 PM (aD5Kx)

486 Hells bells.. up 30!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:55 PM (Z71Vg)

487 Meghan McCain went trick or treating here once as a kid

Cleaned us out

Posted by: Hershey PA at October 31, 2011 03:55 PM (Y+DPZ)

488 423
Damn. That was when Boston had Combat Zone.
Good Times, Good Times.
Posted by: sickinmass at October 31, 2011 08:31 PM (1rflU)

I was with a group of co-workers at a dinner in Boston with representatives from a now defunct computer company. Libations had been liberally consumed by the time dessert came around. Someone (t'weren't me) instructed the waitress to prepare a plate on which two wedges of cheesecake were to be joined at their tips to form a vee into which a large quantity of cherry filling was to be placed. The recipient of this gustatory delight asked, "What's this?" "Combat Zone Cheesecake!" was the guffawed response.

Posted by: unrepentant troglodyte at October 31, 2011 03:55 PM (Y9JPs)

489 Every time a politician or talking head says "the poorest among us",I want to punch them in thye bitch wrinkle.That's another phrase that needs to be banned.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 03:55 PM (fyOgS)

490 I got a rock.

Posted by: Charlie Brown at October 31, 2011 03:56 PM (GTbGH)

491

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 08:54 PM (R21xD)

Save the Kit Kats.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 03:56 PM (Z71Vg)

492 Tee hee, ya made me laugh, as I was a Utah kid. I know how many you can end up with, probably close to 100.

I'm a little worried.  I was a little cavalier with how much candy I was giving them at first. 

I like that many of the parents are with their kids.  That's how we always did it. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 03:56 PM (5H6zj)

493 Wrong: Get your ass into the rape tent or I will cut a bitch. Right: Your friend has had a serious accident. Please come to the rape tent to learn more. That is fucking spectacular.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 03:57 PM (XE2Oo)

494 501 Funny.Until the SWAT team shoots you 73 times before you can explain the joke.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 03:58 PM (fyOgS)

495 Is the blog effin up, or is it just me?

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 03:58 PM (GTbGH)

496 Interception!!!

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 03:58 PM (QaKuj)

497 Sexual harassment is when I come out of my office building and see men in Navy Whites.  G-damn they can harass me anytime they want.  Anchors away!!

Posted by: mpfs at October 31, 2011 03:58 PM (3TjSM)

498 Gruden and Jaworski are awful broadcasters.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 03:59 PM (fyOgS)

499

Hey look! Charlie Whitehurst dressed up like Philip Rivers.

Posted by: USS Diversity at October 31, 2011 03:59 PM (aD5Kx)

500
>>That reminds me, I need to buy a bunch of discounted candy tomorrow. .

Dozens of towns west of me are now having their Halloweens Thurs; Fri; and next Saturday. With the discount candy starting tomorrow those kids will be sick from the amount!

Posted by: sickinmass at October 31, 2011 04:00 PM (1rflU)

501 I knew how to handle sexual harrassment complaints ....

Transporter malfunctions work wonders ...

Posted by: James T Kirk at October 31, 2011 04:00 PM (Y+DPZ)

502 514 Is the blog effin up, or is it just me?

slow to load this thread - hangs midway through

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 04:00 PM (5H6zj)

503 518 I've said it before.Rivers is almost as bad as Romo but gets much less criticism.

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 04:01 PM (fyOgS)

504 Fumble?  Or not?

Posted by: toby928 at October 31, 2011 04:01 PM (GTbGH)

505 A little gaggle of 6/8 year olds just showed up. One was a boy in a desert camouflage uniform. He got double.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 04:01 PM (Qjh0I)

506 520 I knew how to handle sexual harrassment complaints ....

Transporter malfunctions work wonders ...

Posted by: James T Kirk at October 31, 2011 09:00 PM

What's a sexual harrassment complaint?

Posted by: Capt Jean Picard at October 31, 2011 04:01 PM (Y+DPZ)

507 Scaning through I see no one has delved into The Aristocrats genre. Daughter asks dad if she can have $50 to go to the mall. Dad says maybe for a BJ. So she goes, OK, and gets started. Stops abruptly and says this thing tastes like shit! Dad says, yeah, your brother needed to borrow the car earlier. 

Posted by: Jimmah at October 31, 2011 04:02 PM (AJaIC)

508

Save the Kit Kats.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 08:56 PM (Z71Vg)

I agree. They are kids, they can have the other stuff, and eat it last like we used too..

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 04:02 PM (R21xD)

509 525 You remember,what Ensign Crusher filed against you......

Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 04:02 PM (fyOgS)

510 FUMBLED!!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:02 PM (Z71Vg)

511 I've had about ten little goblins so far.  I doubt I've ever had ore than twenty any one year.  Hell, I even am in costume this year.

Posted by: logprof at October 31, 2011 08:27 PM (QaKuj)

I got home after work, ready to get the candy ready.  However, yesterday's snow had melted, ran on my drive, and was now starting to freeze.  I had visions of getting my ass sued off by some ambulance chaser because a little urchin took a header.   I sighed and turned off the lights.   the times we live in...

Posted by: Ombudsman at October 31, 2011 04:03 PM (AxHOT)

512 One was a boy in a desert camouflage uniform.

I've had a couple of sailors - one boy and one girl.  Cute as buttons. "Winnie the Pooh"... excuse me, "Colin the Pooh," still my favorite.

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 04:03 PM (5H6zj)

513 522 518 I've said it before.Rivers is almost as bad as Romo but gets much less criticism. Posted by: steevy at October 31, 2011 09:01 PM

The NBC booth must have been soaked with all the drooling over Michael Vick last night

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 04:03 PM (Y+DPZ)

514 Jimmah ugh nasty

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:03 PM (s7mIC)

515 Up to 41 kids.. wow.. I better start being less generous.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:03 PM (Z71Vg)

516 534 Up to 41 kids.. wow..

Man, I think you have me beat by a couple.  I think I'm around 39.  Down to giving singles. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 04:05 PM (5H6zj)

517 I started Rivers all year last year. In our league he was outscoring Brady some days. Not any more.

Posted by: USS Diversity at October 31, 2011 04:05 PM (aD5Kx)

518

533Jimmah ugh nasty
---

Yep, its a shocker. hahaha, only joke so shocking I manage to remember it.

Posted by: Jimmah at October 31, 2011 04:05 PM (AJaIC)

519 My kittehs are saying trick or treats now

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 04:06 PM (Y+DPZ)

520

Man, I think you have me beat by a couple.  I think I'm around 39.  Down to giving singles. 

I threw about 15 bars in the pantry just in case.. although  by 9:00.. the house is closed.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:06 PM (Z71Vg)

521 487 "Or how about calling the women in the shop "girls" Isn't "Hairy lipped womyn with tuna breath" technically more accurate?

Posted by: CoolCzech at October 31, 2011 04:06 PM (niZvt)

522 Empire of Jeff,

I hope you are telling the kids "Don't trust Whitey" and "Avoid the clap".

Kids don't hear the classics anymore.

Also, hand out cards with your number on them to good looking women in front of their husbands. Makes for an evil night. "Spread the joy of the holiday", that's my motto.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 04:07 PM (4CSeG)

523 I like that many of the parents are with their kids.  That's how we always did it. 

Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:56 PM (5H6zj)

There were six of us kids, so mom and dad stayed home, but raided the candy and took the stuff they liked when we got home, my mom took all the snickers.

Had two show up, gave them a grub of candy.

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 04:07 PM (R21xD)

524 516. Yeah right, then you marry them and take all their money!!! I've done this dance! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 31, 2011 04:08 PM (A1uUz)

525 Merry Thanksgivoween.

Posted by: USS Diversity at October 31, 2011 04:08 PM (aD5Kx)

526 Paul Pierce has the worst Halloween costume of the year. Looks like some dipshit who lost a bet. Pic at link in my name.

Posted by: Lincolntf at October 31, 2011 04:08 PM (Qjh0I)

527 Is it wrong to hit on the mothers of the little trick-or-treaters?

Posted by: GT 5.0 at October 31, 2011 04:08 PM (3W1+C)

528 Rivers is on fire.

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at October 31, 2011 04:09 PM (ieDPL)

529 INTERCEPTION.  NOW KEEP IT THIS TIME GUYS!!!

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:09 PM (Z71Vg)

530 heh - had a little guy come to my door dressed as a mobster
clever

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:09 PM (s7mIC)

531 I have this co-worker who is about to get fired. I'm going to suggest that the boss look for a woman as his replacement who puts out.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 04:10 PM (zaVyn)

532
<a href="http://alturl.com/boxoh">Sexual Harassment Training Video With Tom Brady</a>

Posted by: befuddled at October 31, 2011 04:10 PM (xJU23)

533 OK morons why has my back been freezing up when I stand on concrete for very long?

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:25 PM (7enUC)

Unless you lie in bumfuck you should be able to find someone who specializes in orthotics. They'll be in the Yellow Pages or a local non-chain shoe store can steer you to one. Or maybe even a podiatrist. Lots of podiatrists are hacks so it's a crap shoot whether a podiatrist or someone who specializes in orthotics would give you the best relief.

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 04:10 PM (7+pP9)

534

Is it wrong to hit on the mothers of the little trick-or-treaters?

 

I tell the ones in street clothes that I like their M.I.L.F. costume.

Posted by: garrett at October 31, 2011 04:11 PM (5eVSI)

535 I like that many of the parents are with their kids.  That's how we always did it. 
Posted by: Y-not at October 31, 2011 08:56 PM

Out of curiosity, did you have to pay off any of the parents?

Posted by: Zombie Michael Jackson at October 31, 2011 04:11 PM (Y+DPZ)

536 Ugggh Getting ready for the trick or treaters here I wonder if I should keep the candy and pass out cans of spam

Posted by: Navycopjoe at October 31, 2011 04:12 PM (A1uUz)

537 "Rocket scientist hooks up two iPads so you can 'see' right through him for Halloween"

Mark Rober, who works for NASA, has managed to make it look like there is a huge hole blown straight through him with the use of two iPads.

The rocket scientist, from Pasadena, California, created the costume by duct taping iPads to either side of his torso.

One iPad is attached to the front of the body, one to the back with the screens facing out and then initiating a FaceTime video chat between the two. The effect is that the front iPad displays what's being recorded by the rear iPad and vice versa.

Posted by: Miss'80s at October 31, 2011 04:12 PM (d6QMz)

538 This info is a terrific read. Thanks for the info.I am looking forward for more updates.

Posted by: No Regrets ePub at October 31, 2011 04:12 PM (KCI/1)

539 549 heh - had a little guy come to my door dressed as a mobster
clever
Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 09:09 PM

I come to this mutt's house to collect on a "bill" and he tells me what a cute mobster outfit I got on. I thought I'd shit!

Posted by: Tommy DeVito at October 31, 2011 04:13 PM (Y+DPZ)

540 I don't always spam blogs, but when I do, I prefer AoSHQ

Keep spamming my friends!

Posted by: The Most Interesting e-Pub in the World at October 31, 2011 04:15 PM (Y+DPZ)

541 Two birds land on a tree limb. Their names are Pete and Re-Pete. If Pete fly's away, who is left? If you said Re_Pete you a Homo-Hater and Pervert....See that how it works !!!!!!

Posted by: VaderMan at October 31, 2011 04:16 PM (5OTWF)

542 @ Sifty, Oh, hey Jessica! You look cute! Is this your big sister? Oh, your mommy? Hey. I'm Jeff. What you mean you're not "dressed up"? I could have sworn you were an Indian princess, because you are bringin' the Pocahotness. Wanna find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of this Tootsie Pop?

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 04:16 PM (0yt4x)

543 Stay frosty people. Beggars starting to show up here.

I'm handing out pieces of half-cooked beef stew.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 04:17 PM (4CSeG)

544 Err...

Unless you live in bumfuck . . .

Posted by: Ed Anger at October 31, 2011 04:17 PM (7+pP9)

545

Something dressed like "Chebaca" just rang me door bell. Was that Mooooooooooooooochele Obama ?????

Posted by: VaderMan at October 31, 2011 04:18 PM (5OTWF)

546

OWS Trick or Treat:

The Puppetry Guild of Arts and Culture is trying to find a woman named Lady. She is in the facilitation working group. She has our check for $3000 that we got approved from the GA and recently was cut for us by Finance.

When we got the check written out, she and I were both present and she said to make it in her name. Now she has disappeared. The phone number that we have for her is disconnected.

If you see her, please ask her to get in touch with Lopi, Gan or Joe asap.

F*ckin' corporate policies and procedures, man.  How do they work?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 04:18 PM (4q5tP)

547 Wanna find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of this Tootsie Pop? Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 09:16 PM

Please tell us you didn't say that to Jessica ...

Posted by: kbdabear at October 31, 2011 04:19 PM (Y+DPZ)

548 "Rocket scientist hooks up two iPads so you can 'see' right through him for Halloween"

Wow. And I love the first comment:

Put a big one of those on a stealth bomber and make it even more stealthy.... not as silly as it sounds if its integrated into the panels etc.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:19 PM (piMMO)

549 With each piece of candy I hand out I repeat:

If your parents loved you they would buy you candy and you wouldn't have to beg. Call CPS on them.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 04:20 PM (4CSeG)

550 Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 09:20 PM (4CSeG)

Beautiful.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 04:20 PM (zaVyn)

Posted by: befuddled at October 31, 2011 04:21 PM (xJU23)

552 Oh to be a little kid again with the things I know.

Knock on a door and ask for a BJ just to see the shock on their faces.

Posted by: Holger at October 31, 2011 04:22 PM (zaVyn)

553 3 pieces of candy left.  Time to start handing out ramen soup.

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 04:23 PM (4q5tP)

554 Ugggh
Getting ready for the trick or treaters here
I wonder if I should keep the candy and pass out cans of spam

What could be worse? Creamed corn? A jar of olives? Pecans?

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:23 PM (piMMO)

555 In the end, no one escapes the coming bumluck.

Posted by: derit at October 31, 2011 04:23 PM (FQlFL)

Posted by: cainiac at October 31, 2011 04:23 PM (k1rwm)

557 Oh to be a little kid again with the things I know.

Trick or Treat!

Got any beer, old man? Maybe some jalapeno poppers or somesuch?
Have the old lady fix me up somethin.

Posted by: sifty at October 31, 2011 04:23 PM (4CSeG)

558 Ugggh
Getting ready for the trick or treaters here
I wonder if I should keep the candy and pass out cans of spam

What could be worse? Creamed corn? A jar of olives? Pecans?
Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 09:23 PM

I appropriated some peach slices from the kitchen and aint nobody complained yet!

Posted by: Michelle Obama at October 31, 2011 04:25 PM (Y+DPZ)

559 3 pieces of candy left.  Time to start handing out ramen soup.

Post-it notes, staplers, ink cartridges

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:26 PM (piMMO)

560 Sifty, I'm coming to your house for Halloween next year.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:27 PM (piMMO)

561 If she's bringing breakfast to your room and you force her to give you a blumpkin, is that bad?

Posted by: DSK at October 31, 2011 04:27 PM (hHMlR)

562

Guy dies in tent at okc protest . Sorry, dont know if this is ot or not

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 04:28 PM (R21xD)

563 Wanna find out how many licks it takes to get to the center of this Tootsie Pop? Posted by: Empire of Jeff at October 31, 2011 09:16 PM (0yt4x) I'd say... three.

Posted by: Jessica's Mom at October 31, 2011 04:29 PM (niZvt)

564 Guy dies in tent at okc protest . Sorry, dont know if this is ot or not

Does it seem like there's any sort of theme, other than sheer madness, going on around here?

I'm pulling up the live stream now.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:29 PM (piMMO)

565 What's the problem? Or did he say "You're the same height as my wife ... when she's on her knees." ?

Posted by: macho camacho at October 31, 2011 04:30 PM (WLKdP)

566 If you invite a minority hooker to your team house and take turns double stuffing her on dixie flag bedsheets, was that bad?

Posted by: Duke Lacrosse Team at October 31, 2011 04:30 PM (hHMlR)

567

Unless you lie in bumfuck you should be able to find someone who specializes in orthotics. They'll be in the Yellow Pages or a local non-chain shoe store can steer you to one. Or maybe even a podiatrist. Lots of podiatrists are hacks so it's a crap shoot whether a podiatrist or someone who specializes in orthotics would give you the best relief.

My orthopedist doesn't "do" backs and refers me to a spine and pain guy. I just don't want to get started with MRIs and stuff but I'll have to, I think. I live 1 mile from the Pentagon so not too bumblefucky.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 04:30 PM (7enUC)

568

That Tom Brady video is true fact.

Thats why I don't even talk to ladies at work, I am no Tom Brady.

Posted by: GT 5.0 at October 31, 2011 04:32 PM (3W1+C)

569
I wonder if I should keep the candy and pass out cans of spam

Wait, you live in Hawaii, right?  Isn't spam more of a delicacy than candy out there?

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:32 PM (s7mIC)

570 Holding steady at 43... slowing down.  May be time to shut the door and pretend we are asleep.  I think the Chiefs/Chargers game may give us away though.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:32 PM (Z71Vg)

571 "Earlier today, we found out that digital media titan Matt Drudge bought a $1.45 million house in South Miami-Dade, Florida, according to The Miami Herald."  He paid cash.

Posted by: cainiac at October 31, 2011 04:33 PM (k1rwm)

572 yeah no kidding, I'm definitely going to sifty's next Halloween
that will be one kick ass costume party / drunken bash

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:33 PM (s7mIC)

573 Looks like the livestream/ustream is gone for OKC, unless I overlooked it.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:33 PM (piMMO)

574 Ever been gagged with a powdered wig?

Posted by: John Quincy Adams at October 31, 2011 04:34 PM (hHMlR)

575 I'm pulling up the live stream now.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 09:29 PM (piMMO)

They are claiming he was a homeless guy, dont know how that makes it any better, they are all homeless, no?. Looked like a young drug addict like the rest of them to me. Sorry if that sounds mean, but wtf, cover your ass much ows?!

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 04:36 PM (R21xD)

576 OWSer dressed up as a crap and another guy has a plunger.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:37 PM (piMMO)

577 587

That Tom Brady video is true fact.

Thats why I don't even talk to ladies at work, I am no Tom Brady.

Posted by: GT 5.0 at October 31, 2011 09:32 PM (3W1+C)

Thank goodness, tom brady is not and has never been sexy. Yuck.

Posted by: lous a girl at October 31, 2011 04:38 PM (R21xD)

578 2012 Presidential Debate Schedule:

Oct. 3- University of Denver, Denver

Oct. 16- Hofstra University, Hempstead, N.Y.

Oct. 22- Lynn University, Boca Raton, Fla.


VP Debate:

Oct. 11- Centre College, Danville, Ky. 

Posted by: Miss'80s at October 31, 2011 04:39 PM (d6QMz)

579 Thank goodness, tom brady is not and has never been sexy. Yuck.

Ditto.

Posted by: What Now?! at October 31, 2011 04:41 PM (piMMO)

580
Two trick-or-treaters this evening, and when offered apples, the little boogers asked, "don't you have any candy?"

I must be a fuddy-duddy for not offering candy?  The visit wasn't a total bust because the mom had nice hooters.  Happy Halloween kids, and mommy too!

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 04:41 PM (Lt/Za)

581 So the redneck neighbor kid came to my door and demanded a piece of candy.  He had no costume.  I asked him "where's your costume?"  He said "I'm going as a redneck".  I almost blurted out "no shit, eh"?  I gave him just one piece.

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:41 PM (s7mIC)

582 Hmm, so a mom came to the door and apologetically explained that she is trick-or-treating on behalf of her seven-year-old, who is in the car and sick.  Strange.  Has that happened to any of you?

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 04:44 PM (s7mIC)

583
Sidebar:  Newt was on The Factor with Monica Crowley, sister-in-law to the detestable prick Alan Colmes, and he said if he reaches the finals and has the opportunity to debate Obama, he will offer to conduct seven Lincoln/Douglas style debates of 3 hours each with a timer only and no moderator. 

Newt would eat The Barkster like a python eating a rabbit.

Posted by: Doctor Fish at October 31, 2011 04:47 PM (Lt/Za)

584 Ever forced someone to toe-f**k you?

Posted by: OWS #69 at October 31, 2011 04:47 PM (hHMlR)

585 Sexual Harassment is an integral part of our office manual, as long as the customers never see or hear it...... of course, there's only 2 people who work here - me and the guy I'm married to.

Posted by: dot at October 31, 2011 04:52 PM (L4CWX)

586

I am not clear if I totally understand the full thought pattern behind this.

Posted by: The Next Always epub at October 31, 2011 04:53 PM (bYYfj)

587 Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 09:44 PM (s7mIC) Yes it has, many times, over many years. Also, some years I've been overwhelmed with the amount of trick-or-treaters, the next year almost no one. I love my children to death, yet, it seems even beyond me to be a surrogate candy beggar. OWS parents, perhaps?

Posted by: The Greys at October 31, 2011 04:53 PM (NRygI)

588 whatever you do

don't give out candy

to anyone who smells like

CAT PEE

Posted by: not clicking just to be safewh at October 31, 2011 04:56 PM (RL7U1)

589

Newt would eat The Barkster like a python eating a rabbit.

Bambi would never agree to more than one debate with Newt, if that.

Posted by: jewells45, tea party terrorist at October 31, 2011 04:57 PM (Z71Vg)

590 Hmm, so a mom came to the door and apologetically explained that she is trick-or-treating on behalf of her seven-year-old, who is in the car and sick.  Strange.  Has that happened to any of you?

Posted by: chemjeff at October 31, 2011 09:44 PM (s7mIC)

Yes, happened a couple of times, including an older sib collecting for the ailing youngster.

Was the mom hot?

Posted by: Count de Monet at October 31, 2011 05:01 PM (4q5tP)

591 Sexual harassment: Where is the line drawn? I do not know. Most of my working life, most men have been gentlemanly and polite. There have been a few exceptions, including a kiss on the mouth, a butt slap, or a pinch. There have been overt questions about my sexual life, assorted off-color jokes, and mucho innuendo. Two men lost their jobs because it was a psychical un-called for encounter. I never perused a law-suit or even thought about it. The rest of the stuff I just shrugged off because, many guys are just trying to make conversation, usually an awkward attempt to engage you.

Posted by: The Greys at October 31, 2011 05:13 PM (NRygI)

592 Yep! I was agreed, I'll keep in touch to your blog.

Posted by: Mac OS X Lion ePub at October 31, 2011 05:14 PM (ZCpyR)

593 I'm a Realtor, if I unzip my pants and ask "Is this a lot?" that would be considered harassment, right?

Posted by: MrCaniac at October 31, 2011 05:19 PM (AM+sr)

594 Hand out marine recruitment brochures and cough drops to teenagers that come by.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at October 31, 2011 05:25 PM (r4wIV)

595

This threads deader than Debbie Wassermanly Schultz' clitoris.

It's not that dead, it just needs a cleaning.

A good sand blasting should do the trick.

Posted by: Bill H at October 31, 2011 05:28 PM (3sZO1)

596 If I told my wife to make me a samwich.... She would chop off my dick and slap it between two pieces of bread and say - "Here's your fucking sandwich dickhead."

Posted by: izoneguy at October 31, 2011 05:46 PM (i6Neb)

597 493

Dagny,

They are wonderful but back still freezes. I don't spend long hours on my feet btw.

Posted by: dagny at October 31, 2011 08:50 PM (7enUC)

I bought a pair of shoes from oehs.com Ugly, but my back feels great when I wear them. I have a couple of blown disks [yay, motherhood!] and can't stand or sit for any length of time without my back freezing up. Try rocking side to side if you have to stand, such as at a soccer game. Good luck!

Posted by: museisluse at October 31, 2011 05:51 PM (4Lj43)

598 Someone Is Going To Jail For This: MF Global Caught Stealing Hundreds Of Millions From Customers?
the operative word here is "someone".  Man that tyler is an idealist.

Posted by: cainiac at October 31, 2011 05:59 PM (k1rwm)

599 You’re a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your magnificent post. Also, I’ve shared your site in my social networks!

Posted by: The Meaning of Marriage ePub at October 31, 2011 06:51 PM (2rmis)

600 If I told my wife to make me a samwich....
She would chop off my dick and slap it between
two pieces of bread and say - "Here's your
fucking sandwich dickhead."
--------------------------------------
I've often heard of rumors of a place, beyond the stars, in a  mystical land and magical time that such wishes go fulfilled....

Posted by: befuddled at October 31, 2011 07:07 PM (xJU23)

Posted by: christine at October 31, 2011 07:35 PM (9N764)

602

It was only a matter of time before someone (socialist plant, shill, puppet, parrot, tool) went at Mr. Cain with the one thing that immediately sparks reactions: anything of a sexual nature, be it the act, or the perception of something in that realm.

Anyone recall the Clarence Thomas confirmation hearings? 99% of us can't name the actual legal areas in which eventual Justice Thomas was questioned. We have a very hard time focusing on the general rulings he made as a judge, let alone anything specific. But, we know Anita Hill, a Coca-Cola can, a hair on said can, etc. Why? Because of the sensationalist aspect.

We need to ask ourselves why the toleration of blatant sexual shenanigans and exploits on television (e.g., 'Desperate Housewives,' 'The Bachelor,' 'The Good Wife,' 'Big Brother,' 'Grey's Anatomy',' 'Private Practice,' 'Two and a Half Men,' 'How I Met Your Mother,' 'The Big Bang Theory,' 'Mike and Molly,' etc., etc., ad infinitum), ever bolder nudity in movies, and crude, crass, and degrading jokes(?) from so-called stand-up comedians...and yet, when it comes to public figures, the line is drawn in the sand; no politician (save for, perhaps, one Slick Willie) can endure, nor will the slightest innuendo of a sexual nature be tolerated. Never mind that the 'thing' was implied without ever having been proven. It was alleged and that's what matters.

Sexual harrassment and other similarly related 'crimes' only have to be alleged. They don't have to be shown to be true. What a sorry state in a nation known for its judicial imperative that a person is innocent until proven guilty that the reverse is true when it pertains to anything with the word 'sex' in it.

This particular incident was concocted. It is, in modern day parlance, a non-event. For example, even if true (and we know by now that it was anything but true), how would it affect Mr. Cain's ability to occupy the highest office in the land? Especially in light of a former Oval Office occupant's known and proven sexual escapades??? Blue dress notwithstanding, former President Clinton (and present Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton) dispatched their henchmen and media hangers-on to pillory numerous other women who accused the former Prez of more than mere comments. Ex-President Clinton was known to have dallied with several women. It was common knowledge that he did indeed sexually harrass women other than Monica Lewinsky. And yet, some slug journalist(????) dredges up something that allegedly happened in the 90s??? The audacity of liberaldom is lost on the general public. The utter desperation of the left is obvious. It also demonstrates that there is no muck and sewage deep enough to keep liberals from diving headlong into it!

 

Posted by: Gipster1980 at November 01, 2011 03:33 AM (IRTfz)

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