April 26, 2006

Sacrilege: Paul Anka Song Voted As Worst Song Ever
— Ace

Seasons in the Sun ranks at number five, though. Which is about right.

What about Signs?

The songs on the list are too easy. No one really likes Muskrat Love. And it can't be played that much, I don't think.

A better list would consist of songs that actually still get airplay, and yet are unspeakably awful.

Thanks to Cake or Death, who notes Kiefer Sutherland's extreme-duality style of acting.

Posted by: Ace at 06:53 AM | Comments (65)
Post contains 88 words, total size 1 kb.

1 I love Muskrat Love,/i>!

You wouldn't believe how many times I got laid because of that song.

Posted by: Muskrat Sam at April 26, 2006 06:59 AM (KeOQp)

2 Agreed about Sutherland. When he's not yelling, he's speaking in that low-volume, perpetually out of breath manner. Like every line is of monumental consequence.

And anything by Yes gets played too goddamned much.

Posted by: Mark V. at April 26, 2006 07:02 AM (2ipxY)

3 This is wrong: the worst song, ever, is Bobby Goldsboro's Honey. Not only is it a truly dreadful song, but it nearly killed my wife: a DJ once played it at 78 RPM, and my wife laughed so hard she nearly drove off the road.

Also, while Honey is the worst song ever, Under My Thumb gets my vote for vilest pop song ever recorded.

Posted by: Brown Line at April 26, 2006 07:04 AM (VrNoa)

4 Sir Duke. Or pretty much anything from Stevie Wonder circa 1970-80. I never quite got the "genius" of Little Stevie.

Posted by: wiserbud at April 26, 2006 07:05 AM (AQGeh)

5 Why not just nominate all of Barbara Streisand's songs... they're like nails on a chalk board... The Way We Were has got to be the worst song ever...

Posted by: jwookie at April 26, 2006 07:07 AM (x0sPW)

6 Gravitas

Posted by: Kiefer at April 26, 2006 07:14 AM (m2CN7)

7 Worst song ever?

Brandy, You're a Fine Girl by Looking Glass. Song makes me want to gag.

Unfortunately, though, according to this site, it was the number one song on my birthday.

It's like living under a curse.

Posted by: Slublog at April 26, 2006 07:24 AM (R8+nJ)

8 Did none of these people read "Dave Barry's Book of Bad Songs"? Was there no editor at CNN online who had heard of it? The survey concept's been done rather well, and every song in that article has already been discussed.

My favorite line from the book, from a respondent to the original Bad Song Survey: "Whenever the song 'Running Bear' comes on my car radio, I just stick my head out the window and hope a semi gets it--just like my mother always said."

Posted by: JPS at April 26, 2006 07:27 AM (Je6ic)

9 Oh we can do better than those

Posted by: Tony Orlando at April 26, 2006 07:28 AM (a6Ffc)

10 Posted by Tony Orlando at April 26, 2006 12:28 PM

Hey! You're dead!!

I heard you died at the crack of dawn.

Posted by: RLS at April 26, 2006 07:31 AM (Lh7Vt)

11 What an outrage! Seasons in the Sun is a great pop tune - and Canada's finest moment! (Mind you....that's not saying a lot)

Posted by: David Vance at April 26, 2006 07:37 AM (Lj06h)

12 How come nobody's mentioned Starland Vocal Band?

Posted by: Mark V. at April 26, 2006 07:37 AM (2ipxY)

13 Interms of contemporary songs, I don't think anything comes even close to Gwen Stefani's, "hollaback girl" for pure suckage. The video is even annoying even with Stefani walking around with her ass hanging out for most of it. I would consider going out with that girl from that yahoo personal add a few threads above if it would guarantee that I would never hear this song again.

Posted by: Windycity at April 26, 2006 07:39 AM (phwde)

14 When I hear the song Signs, I want to slit my own throat. The year it came out, I spent the summer helping out at my uncle's teenage hang-out/hamburger joint. The kids played that song over and over and over and over. In fact, they played it so much that the guy that serviced the jukebox actually pulled the record becuase the counter had rolled completely over and he thought that no one had played it since his last visit. I must have heard that song at least 20 times a day for the entire summer.

Thank goodness that the Five Man Electrical Band didn't have any more hits. They might have had to die.

Posted by: Steve L. at April 26, 2006 07:39 AM (YIFeG)

15 This is cool though, because the article mentioned Paul Anka, you can now get CNN news alerts via e-mail any time Paul Anka's name ever comes up again. Always useful.

Posted by: Shawn, but not lowercased shawn at April 26, 2006 07:48 AM (wZLWV)

16 When I hear the song Signs, I want to slit my own throat.

Yes, yes. I agree. However, when I hear When Doves Cry, it makes me want to slit Price's throat. Sorry, "WDC" lovers, but hat song SUCKS -SS.

Posted by: at April 26, 2006 07:51 AM (Mg597)

17 Where to begin. Clapton's 'Layla' comes to mind. It's like this really long song that drones on and on and on, then it kind of stops being this whiny guitar song and begins as a piano song whose melody has nothing at all to do with the first part. I actually believe that this is a brand new song then after another five minutes the original melody of Layla returns. When I heard it the first time I thought they accidentally played the first song again. But it's all the same song.

Man. I'm glad I could get that off my chest after all these years. Layla SUCKS!

Posted by: pisotolero at April 26, 2006 07:56 AM (yGhBp)

18 Sorry Windy, but if we're talking contemporary songs, Black Eyed Peas "My Humps" wins hands down.

Posted by: Chad at April 26, 2006 07:57 AM (FuQ36)

19 "Signs" sucks, but who could forget "Patio Lantern" by Kim Mitchell.

Posted by: matt at April 26, 2006 08:08 AM (pmrGO)

20 No, the worst song in the history of music does in fact "belong" to Paul Anka, in a manner of speaking: it's his cover of "Smells Like Teen Spirit." If Cobain weren't already dead, that would surely kill him.

Posted by: dulce at April 26, 2006 08:11 AM (NZzik)

21 I don't remember if it was in the Dave Barry collection--it might have been Roy Blount Jr.'s list--Michael Martin Murphey's Wildfiretopped the list. Or should I say, Michael Martin Murphey's Wiii-ayeayeaye--iiii-eye-uuhhldfire. There followed a thorough line-by-line savaging of the song, in sort of a 1990's proto-fisking. Anybody remember reading that?

Posted by: See-Dubya at April 26, 2006 08:15 AM (yhNln)

22 The glaring omission of "Billy, Don't Be A Hero" completely invalidates this list.

And where the hell was Wildfire?

Posted by: Matt at April 26, 2006 08:18 AM (YHNR5)

23 pistolero, are you talking about Clapton's original version of "Layla" with Derek & the Dominos", or his bossa nova version from MTV unplugged?

The song was originally co-written by Clapton & drummer Jim Gordon. Clapton wrote the lyrics & the first part, while Gordon wrote the piano part. That's probably why it seems like "two separate songs".

Interesting fact: back in high school I read an article in Rolling Stone about Gordon. He developed schizophrenia (no doubt hurried along by all the drugs) and wound up killing his mother with a hammer.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at April 26, 2006 08:21 AM (Ffvoi)

24 Russ,

I did not know that and it definitely explains the big disconnect. Yeah, the newer acoustical version I actually kind of like.

But if I'd known that Jim Gordon and had a hammer myself, I could have saved his mother years before that incident.

Oh, and don't even start with the 'if I had a hammer' digs. It really makes sense here and I won't hear any nonsense about it.

Posted by: pistolero at April 26, 2006 08:25 AM (yGhBp)

25 I loathe the Beatles song "Love Me Do".

Posted by: sandy burger at April 26, 2006 08:29 AM (Uuy++)

26 I absolutely loathe anything by the Steve "Two great chords -- five great albums!" Miller Band.


"Time keeps on slippin', slippin', slippin'... into the future..."

Gaaak!

Posted by: OregonMuse at April 26, 2006 08:29 AM (gWvet)

27 Take that, Anka.

You're having my baby, you little midget fart.

Posted by: Michael Ansana at April 26, 2006 08:31 AM (/tNwF)

28 That isn't even their worst song. The absolute worst by them is "Take the Money and Run:"

Billy mack is a detective down in texas
You know he knows just exactly what the facts is
He ain’t gonna let those two escape justice
He makes his livin’ off of the people’s taxes

Makes me ill just thinking about it.

Posted by: Slublog at April 26, 2006 08:32 AM (R8+nJ)

29 "Yeah, the newer acoustical version [of Layla] I actually kind of like."

Ick. I'd rather have my balls pounded flat with a croquet mallet than listen to that abomination.

Posted by: zetetic at April 26, 2006 08:39 AM (s4Eoy)

30 The one I've always hated the most, is, "Midnight at the Oasis." Fingernails on a blackboard annoying, that Maria Muldaur!

Posted by: JannyMae at April 26, 2006 08:42 AM (LfIsL)

31 C'mon, doesn't anyone remember Undercover Angel?

Posted by: 3rd_Bird at April 26, 2006 08:44 AM (FuYoJ)

32 RE: contemporary sucky songs. I will never understand the fawning critical attention Eminem gets. Forget the wretched subject matter; all his songs are screaming bouts of ear cancer. Same for the awful band A System of A Down, which I'm convinced is a Punk'd prank on the record buying populace.

Posted by: UGAdawg at April 26, 2006 08:48 AM (9DumO)

33 PAUL ANKAS a good singer what are they yammering about anyway is it those feminuts again?

Posted by: spurwing plover at April 26, 2006 09:05 AM (K3hNB)

34 Kudos to Chad.
"My Humps", while a late entry, is undoubtedly in the top 5.
Wanna know how much I hate it? I hate it so much that, when it comes on the radio, I'm shocked at my own anger. Then, I think "I'll give it another chance. It can't be as bad as I think it is".

But it is. It always is.

It's got all the hard work of the Nelson Riddle "Batman" theme of the 60's, without the catchy beat.

Posted by: Zorachus at April 26, 2006 09:08 AM (RWQpm)

35 Bad Company? James Taylor? Need I say more?

Lester Bangs did a great demolition of James Taylor in Psychotic Reactions and Carburetor Dung.

Posted by: Pepys at April 26, 2006 09:50 AM (E5tuw)

36 Have we forgotten that 70s classic, 'I have a brand new pair of roller skates, you have a brand new key' or whatever the title to that stupid song was, by Melanie?

Ok, 'like it' might have been a bit too generous on the acoustical Layla response. Let's say it doesn't confuse me like the original one did.

Posted by: pistolero at April 26, 2006 09:51 AM (yGhBp)

37 And it burns burns burns, the ring of fire.
The ring of fire.

Posted by: Johnny Cash for Preparation H at April 26, 2006 10:04 AM (pzen5)

38 If you are 40 or so, you had the misfortune to hear
"she ran calling: Wildfire!" on the radio a few million times in the 70's.

Horrible. Absolutely vomit inducingly horrible.

Posted by: Log Cabin at April 26, 2006 10:07 AM (Sc02F)

39 "You're Having My Baby" is a pro-life song so of course it was voted worst on CNN.com.

Posted by: dilbeck at April 26, 2006 10:07 AM (IdO5D)

40 Manfred Mann, "Blinded By the Light", or whatever its called. That is the worst steaming pile of shit ever.

Posted by: Dave S at April 26, 2006 10:16 AM (xAKxG)

41 Even worse that Springsteen actually wrote Blinded by the Light. He wrote some great songs but that one blows.

Posted by: JackStraw at April 26, 2006 10:29 AM (J8+2b)

42 More Elton John. More Elton John. That horrendous song he did that was dedicated to Princess Diana.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at April 26, 2006 10:30 AM (PIs8p)

43 well in the softie category, "we are the world" makes anyone nauseated...

other than that, all the hard and metal rock can be scrapped off the face of the earth, and our dear planet will be a much better place...

Posted by: alessandra at April 26, 2006 11:13 AM (n/PLG)

44 also Thriller by Jacko, along with the monster video - what sorry people

Posted by: alessandra at April 26, 2006 11:15 AM (n/PLG)

45 I loathe the Beatles song "Love Me Do".
============
kind of like "Michele" - some of those Beatle songs were really sappy...

Posted by: alessandra at April 26, 2006 11:17 AM (n/PLG)

46 Anka or no Anka, "Having My Baby" is absolutely the worst pop song ever.

Others include Spandau Ballet's "True," Elton John's "Island Girl," the Bee Gees, "Jive Talkin'," and any song recorded by a female whose career was over by her 25th birthday. And yes, that includes Madonna.

Posted by: bbeck at April 26, 2006 11:20 AM (qF8q3)

47 Beach Boys - "Kokomo"

Posted by: steve_in_hb at April 26, 2006 11:22 AM (PIs8p)

48 The Beatles? "Yellow Submarine" is the worst thing they ever cranked out, followed by "I am the Walrus."

And let's not get started on the suckfest known as Bob Dylan's work.

Posted by: bbeck at April 26, 2006 11:22 AM (qF8q3)

49 That Barbie song which was popular five or so years ago. I can't remember which band did it (Aqua?), but I really really despised it.

Posted by: sandy burger at April 26, 2006 11:23 AM (FmfCF)

50 I like the Dos Boys version of Signs, "And the sign says `Anybody caught trespassing will be shot on sight' So I jumped the fence and BLAM!"

Posted by: Dale at April 26, 2006 11:27 AM (VE3QR)

51 As for Michael Jackson, I especially dislike his song The Girl Is Mine, a duet with Paul McCartney.

"Paul, I thought I told you, I'm a lover, not a fighter."

Posted by: sandy burger at April 26, 2006 11:27 AM (FmfCF)

52 I like Sugar, Sugar" though :-)

And "Brandy"!!

which rhymes with "Mandy" by Manilow, which I really like

Posted by: alessandra at April 26, 2006 11:28 AM (n/PLG)

53 Anka's song was the worst?

Where's Joe?
Put me some f*n knowledge here.
And get rid of that Blue Light.

Posted by: Retired Geezer at April 26, 2006 12:17 PM (axBqL)

54 "Send In The Clowns" by Judy Collins.

Posted by: Dave (in NYC) at April 26, 2006 12:30 PM (1ILk2)

55 CREDENCE CLEARWATER REVIVAL.HERMINS HERMITS they are great

Posted by: spurwing plover at April 26, 2006 05:26 PM (uPdgJ)

56 "Send In The Clowns" by Judy Collins.

The song, by Stephen Sondheim, is just fine...in the context of the musical that it was in. The effort by Judy Collins though, was not that great. Not the worst song in the world though.

That honour, I believe goes to "MacArthur Park", followed by "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I got love in my tummy)"...which is probably why some women don't like to swallow.

Exhibit A:
"MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark
All the sweet, green icing flowing down
Someone left the cake out in the rain
I don't think that I can take it
'cause it took so long to bake it
And I'll never have that recipe again"

Posted by: cheshirecat at April 26, 2006 08:19 PM (ft3Dz)

57 Oh, and speaking of Black Eyed Peas, my current pet hate is "Let's Get Retarded(It Started)"...

...which goes to show there is such a thing as being too self-knowing in a song.

Posted by: cheshirecat at April 26, 2006 08:21 PM (ft3Dz)

58 Oh, man, MacArthur Park is a terrible song.

By the way, I think that "Yummy Yummy Yummy (I got love in my tummy)" song is called "Yummy Girl".

Posted by: sandy burger at April 26, 2006 09:00 PM (FmfCF)

59 No, Sandy, the Ohio Express song's title is exactly as I wrote it, parenthesis and all.

Posted by: cheshirecat at April 26, 2006 09:06 PM (ft3Dz)

60 You know, when you get to thinking about it, there are more bad pop songs than there are good ones, by at least 20 to 1.

As for Beatles stuff, ANYTHING by Paul McCartney sucks, especially 'Her Majesty's a Pretty Nice Girl'. What a little suck up.

How about 'Popcorn' by 'Hot Butter'?

Blondie 'Rapture' actually starts out OK, until it gets the the rapping part, then it sucks big rubber donkey dicks.

'A Fifth of Beethoven', the disco version of, well, Beethoven's Fifth. Pretty freakin' clever there.

'Do you really want to hurt me?' What, was Boy George egging us on? I mean, this guy has done more to promote gay hate crime than anybody on earth.

'Wild Thing' by the Troggs. What were they pounding on, wet cardboard boxes? They sure weren't drums. Pure junk.

Crap. I could do this all day long. Better knock it off and get back to work.

Posted by: pistolero at April 27, 2006 03:07 AM (yGhBp)

61 I enjoyed a brief period of popularity in 5th grade because I was the only one who knew all the lyrics to "Billy Don't Be a Hero". I enjoyed the near-fame, but I always felt sort of ashamed of myself. Much as I suppose Billy Ray Cyrus does about his entire career.

Posted by: Kerry at April 27, 2006 05:07 AM (a/VXa)

62 'Signs' - the tune rocks. Who was the butt-rock band who covered it in the '80's? It rocked then as well. The nauseating hippy lyrics make it better in a so-bad-it's-good way. Yes, I bought the single when it came out in '70 or so.

'Love Me Do' is the one and only Beatles song that sucks. Good call on that one.

Are there any good Springsteen songs besides 'Candy's Room'? I don't think so.

Posted by: Mark at April 27, 2006 06:29 AM (+45yf)

63 'Signs' - the tune rocks. Who was the butt-rock band who covered it in the '80's?
Tesla
Wow, did this thread ever turn over some rocks...
so, I have to assume you all love Afternoon Delight?

Posted by: rhodeymark at April 27, 2006 06:46 AM (elhVA)

64 Five words - Kim Carnes - Betty Davis Eyes

Posted by: The Real Steve at April 27, 2006 07:12 AM (n0lBX)

65 I never miss a chance to pimp my all-time worst song:
Color My World by Chicago.
Flat... draggy... out of tune.
What more can I say?
Worst. Song. Ever.

Posted by: Retired Geezer at April 27, 2006 08:33 PM (axBqL)

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