January 30, 2009

Roll your own plague of locusts
— Purple Avenger

Ordinary friendly grasshopper + serotonin == ravenous locust.

...Knowing what causes this swift metamorphosis may help governments and farmers develop methods to control future locust outbreaks with chemicals that would suppress the offending serotonin...
Or if you're a Doctor Evil type, trigger the transformation on demand to wreak havoc on your hapless victims.

All your plagues are belong to us

Posted by: Purple Avenger at 10:28 PM | Comments (50)
Post contains 71 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Have fun corralling and injecting all those little bugs for your world domination plan.

Posted by: douglas at January 30, 2009 10:45 PM (20QoQ)

2 Hunt them, my bees!

Posted by: Dr. Manhattadropolis at January 30, 2009 10:50 PM (hjBEe)

3 Is this covered by my new universal bee health care coverage? Or is this considered a 'cosmetic enhancement' and therefore denied? Can I use my primary care physician? Or only one in Uzbekistan?

Posted by: Al at January 30, 2009 11:06 PM (CyBUS)

4 Uzbeki witch doctors are covered under the plan, ordinary doctors, no.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 30, 2009 11:10 PM (Ygf78)


 I don't know why, but when I was growing up and actually playing outside, I never saw any grasshoppers...now they're a freakin infestation. And then there are those creepy black ones that get in your house...ugh.

 If anybody brings serotonin up in my neighborhood, I promise I will survive and kill you.

Posted by: Emily at January 30, 2009 11:55 PM (UUbAn)

6 Not so much a swarm as a rave...

Posted by: Flea at January 31, 2009 12:02 AM (rRYz4)


I always thought a swarm of locusts was simply a lot of grasshoppers. And we have always had something that would protect crops in the 3rd world from them.

It was called DDT but the eco-idiots got rid of it over another case of bad science (or in the case of DDT no science at all).

Posted by: Vic at January 31, 2009 12:06 AM (f6os6)

8 So basically what we need is grasshopper Prozac.

Posted by: someone at January 31, 2009 12:21 AM (1wXl7)

9 So, does this apply to the Obamabot swarm as well?  If simple drugs can solve their illness, lets just stoke the water supply...or spray on college campuses.

Posted by: In Exile at January 31, 2009 01:23 AM (EgZCS)

10 ...unless you pay me one hundred... (pauses, looks at Ace) gazillion dollars!

(cue dramatic music)

Posted by: Xoxotl at January 31, 2009 01:42 AM (FrV/a)

11 "Snatch the Seretonin from my hand, Grasshopper!"

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 02:01 AM (iafWn)

12 Wait! If he started experimenting with Insect Plagues, wouldn't that make him... Doctor Weevil?

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 02:12 AM (iafWn)

13 Jihad!

Posted by: sickinmass at January 31, 2009 02:15 AM (/i4dU)

14 "development of a chemical that would specifically inhibit serotonin production in the solitary grasshoppers, says Hojun Song, a postdoctoral researcher at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah."

The Utah connection was a given. Seagulls are so outmoded since miracles migrated into the chemical laboratory with the focus on behavioral science.

Posted by: Jonathan Livingston at January 31, 2009 02:33 AM (v0oaz)

15 I see no possible way that this could go wrong.

Posted by: alexthechick at January 31, 2009 03:06 AM (DMkhn)

16 Does PETA's domain cover locusts?  Maybe they need a visit from our evil bastard swarm.  That could make them change their tune.

Posted by: In Exile at January 31, 2009 03:09 AM (EgZCS)

17 In an echo of the atomic radiation wind tests upon the US public that were kept secret for 40 years, during the 1990's Clinton Operatives within the CIA secretly doused the water supply of Red States with serotonin inhibitors and doused Blue States with Serotonin exciters producing the greatest mass behaviour changes in history.  Market Weasels in New York went into hyper-drive with arcane and insane financial schemes ignoring their shareholders interests', Congress repealed the Glass Stegall Act, Blue State Liberals pushed the banks to make bad sub prime loans and Fannie and Freddie took on vast quantities of sub prime assets.  Despite dire warnings over a decade Red Stater conservatives politicians remained apathetic and spent money like Liberals while Blue State Liberals and Market Weasels gorged on toxic assets,  like Locusts swarming over poisoned fields.  The experiment was stopped last year when members of the Bush administration discovered memos outlining the plan in hidden in a secret compartment used by the former First Lady, Hillary Clinton.  (Sura 2:29)

Posted by: 7HEAVENS at January 31, 2009 03:25 AM (EuNhI)


Speaking of Utah, they have a species of cricket out there that looks like something from "Alien". I call them robocrickets. And of course, there's always the tarantulas.


They must be stopped. Before they ask for a bailout.

Posted by: Jones at January 31, 2009 03:30 AM (KOkrW)

19 Being from a Republican area of the country, I don't think that they are eligible--unless they demand sex ed or can perform abortions.

Posted by: In Exile at January 31, 2009 03:41 AM (EgZCS)

20 Ha. I conjure up images of the small tweety bird who drinks the potion and turns into the giant bird monster that wreaks havoc on Sylvester.

Posted by: Twinks at January 31, 2009 03:49 AM (KGbOi)

21  Insects of color heh heh

Posted by: Haywood Jablowme hustler mag at January 31, 2009 03:58 AM (K4Zxt)


These are the fucking Unicorn we're getting?

Painted white

BTW P/A..Although I love your tech articles, my attention span prohibits me from reading anything from you except gas mileage info,  early and modern diesel/cooking oil vehicles,  breast implants, or your troubles at Boca Del Vista , phase three.

Posted by: hutch1200 at January 31, 2009 04:20 AM (8/sTS)


Is anyone else getting the warning with their Google search results for any conservative blog that accessing that site will harm your computer?


Brian 9:43 AM EST

Posted by: Brian at January 31, 2009 04:43 AM (0XpI7)

24 Bah, just release G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate.  Problem solved.

Posted by: toby928 at January 31, 2009 04:44 AM (PD1tk)




YES. I just googled redstate.org and townhall.com and got the same warning.


There's skullduggery afoot...

Posted by: Jones at January 31, 2009 04:47 AM (KOkrW)

26 Is there another chemical I could release to get dogs and cats living together? That would be cool.

Posted by: Cerebral Paul Z. at January 31, 2009 04:51 AM (iGDA4)

27 next the ONE will have that warning on all radio stations as they tune in for three hours of Rush.

Posted by: Mephitis at January 31, 2009 04:51 AM (17pTk)


Google has an advisory up stating that visiting this site might cause harm to my computer.


First time I've seen it. 


Just passing along the word.

Posted by: Uncle Rick at January 31, 2009 05:08 AM (H9VKE)

29 They set us up the cricket!

Posted by: rinseandspit at January 31, 2009 05:22 AM (oEAm5)

30 Why don't they come up with something useful, like a spray for trolls.

Posted by: payaso at January 31, 2009 05:31 AM (HpX5P)

31 Now the nutjob in Iran is calling Western ideology "passive", thanks to Obama acting like a little bitch and softening up.  Nutjobs fear Reagan's massive cock and balls, not Obama's virgin little pussy.  Way to give up our leverage, cockholster.

Posted by: In Exile at January 31, 2009 05:38 AM (EgZCS)

32 You think that Whore Abatement Program (WAP) for Dayton, OH involves Seretonin? This could open up a whole new field of sexual research...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 05:39 AM (iafWn)

33 Yeah, I love the way Ahmedhandjob is rudely informing liberal moonbats that HE has "preconditions."

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 05:41 AM (iafWn)

34 Obama just wants to take us back to the level of respect that we had 30 years ago...when Iran held a bunch of our citizens for more than a year.  Maybe in 4 years, Palin and Petraeus can make America respected (feared) again.

Posted by: In Exile at January 31, 2009 05:55 AM (EgZCS)

35 Bah, just release G-23 Paxilon Hydrochlorate.  Problem solved.

I think they already released the 245 Trioxin on Nov 4.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 31, 2009 06:06 AM (MKNSy)

36 Yea, Obama actually said in that Arab network interview he wanted America to have the same level of respect in the Middle East we had 30 years ago! First things I thought of was the Hostage Crisis and the Beirut Marine Barracks Bombing. Fact is, America has never had more respect there than we have NOW, having kicked some serious ass in Iraq. Bambi needs to stop listening to Hollyweird about how Arabs feel, and talk to some real ones, instead.

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 06:10 AM (iafWn)

37 I don't get it

Posted by: Dr. Heinz Doofenshmirtz at January 31, 2009 06:13 AM (XH/G8)

38 It's great to see the locusts devour 300+ more jobs at the LA Times.
To me at least.

Posted by: sickinmass at January 31, 2009 06:22 AM (/i4dU)

39 I'll take one plague of locusts with frogs on the side, hold the boils.

Posted by: Ostral B Heretic at January 31, 2009 06:28 AM (id7IM)


It appears the locusts are influenced by the predominant religion in the area.  It might be the polygamy factor.  Coincidence or what?

the Mormon Cricket infestation problem: area dominated by Mormon's which at that time practiced polygamy

the desert locust (Schistocerca gregaria). The species infamous for wreaking havoc from Africa to Asia = area dominated by Islam which practices polygamy

Mormon's quit praticing polygamy in 1890 - Presto! No more Mormon Cricket problems.

Two options for solving the Africa/Asia locust problem:

1.Islam must stop the practice of polygamy or:

2: Get rid of Islam

I vote for #2 

Posted by: Brigham Young at January 31, 2009 06:45 AM (z1HZk)

41 It must be all the Prozac they are putting in the water.

Posted by: BrianA at January 31, 2009 07:27 AM (iWPFj)

42 Can we do this with moths for the Academy Awards red carpet procession? "Yo, Scarlett..."

Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 31, 2009 09:24 AM (DBS+D)

43 Can we do this with moths for the Academy Awards red carpet procession?

I'm thinking bigger, much bigger...like starved/rabid wharf rats.  A nice wharf rat invasion at the Academy Awards would have them running for their lives.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at January 31, 2009 09:54 AM (Ygf78)

44 <blockquote>It was called DDT but the eco-idiots got rid of it over another case of bad science (or in the case of DDT no science at all).</blockquote>

You mean, science that shows the stuff is poisonous to every living thing and that it destroys entire ecosystems is bad science?

Sorta like how the lab work that shows your tumor is malignant is bad science.  Without the knowledge that you have cancer, you can die quicker, more painfully, but still ignorant.

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