January 31, 2009

Overafternoon Open Thread. Less Stimulus, Tuna-Licking Edition (genghis)
— Open Blog

First, a reminder: don’t forget to set your calenders to the new standard: This is now the year 1 A.O. (Anno Obamani. Which, when translated from Latin means “In The Year of Our Heavenly Unicorn.”) Now we can finally rid ourselves of this meaningless piece of shit. Please also remember to “Leap Forward” every 4 years, on January 20th, at least once we get rid of that pesky 22nd Ammendment.

But back to our headline. From Japan comes an admonishment: ”Japan to Tourists: Please Don’t Lick the Tuna.” Story from a group of Press, who are Associated:

”TOKYO — Tourists are known for acting silly, but licking the tuna?”

“Overwhelmed by a growing number of misbehaving tourists, Tokyo fishmongers banned all visitors from one of the city's most popular tourist destinations — the pre-dawn tuna auctions at the world's largest seafood market.”

“The ban, imposed during the peak New Year buying season, was front-page news before it was lifted last week. Now, the tourists are back, but the debate goes on: Can tourists be trusted around the tuna?”

Apparently not. But there’s more, disturbingly enough:

"Tuna is a very expensive fish," Takagi said. "One tuna can easily cost more than 1 million yen ($11,000). But some tourists touch them and even try to hug them."

And that’s just during daylight hours.

But who are these Japanese fishmongers to deny tuna-lovers their lifestyle? After all, isn’t this the country that introduced tentacles as a marital aid to the rest of the world? This reeks of discrimination and tunaphobia! And what about the tuna themselves? Have they no say in this? AP did interview the spokestuna from the group “Committee to UNite Tuna in Solidarity.” Here’s what he had to say regarding his right to be licked:

”It’s grrrrreeEEEAAAT!”

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Posted by: Open Blog at 02:14 PM | Comments (55)
Post contains 333 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Except Charlie has stolen Tony-the-Tiger's slogan. . . Or, is it the Exxon Tiger's? I'm so confused.

Posted by: Doc Rochester at January 31, 2009 02:18 PM (Nw0+K)


1 Except Charlie has stolen Tony-the-Tiger's slogan. . .

Tunas are well-known for their thievery.

Posted by: genghis at January 31, 2009 02:24 PM (1XErj)

3 For all the Vets out there...

Zero says "Fuck you!"

Posted by: Bruce at January 31, 2009 02:25 PM (oedyI)


But they haven't roped off the starfish section, I hope.

Posted by: Troy McClure at January 31, 2009 02:25 PM (rtZbL)

5 Nippon. Vortex of Strange.

Posted by: railwriter at January 31, 2009 02:28 PM (XcsD4)

6 Those poor, poor sea kittens.

Posted by: HondaV65 at January 31, 2009 02:32 PM (9vlDt)

7 Don't rick the Browfish!

Posted by: Master Po at January 31, 2009 02:33 PM (PD1tk)

8 Any tourist try licking MY tuna will be in a world of hurt.

Posted by: Emma Peel at January 31, 2009 02:34 PM (iafWn)

9 >>Tunas are well-known for their thievery.

Women are ultra-impressionable beings, and therefore are easily controlled by the Elite. The main purpose of women on Earth (that is, what they're programmed to do) is to enslave men via relationships. Women are obsessed with relationships and love (due to programming), and don't care about anything else in life. They would have men believe that being in a relationship is one of the most important things in existence, not realizing that men couldn't care less about being in a relationship--and rightfully so. Furthermore, women force men to waste their precious time and resources on them. This demonic charade (i.e., relationships) has gone on for far too long and obviously has no end in sight. Thus, you can blame women for the downfall and utter hopelessness of humanity.
Make no mistake: It is indeed tragic that men cannot satisfy their sexual needs without also getting trapped in a relationship at the same time (otherwise, they will be accused of rape, since non-relationship consensual sex does not exist on Earth, due to the aforementioned programming of women). Demonic enslavement traps such as this are the standard modus operandi of the Elite and darkness. Now, just imagine if you had to buy an entire pizza restaurant just to order a pizza; an evil absurdity indeed.
Another thing that makes women insufferable is the fact that they are, essentially, babies. That is, they possess the emotional maturity of a 4-year-old boy. Women cry, throw fits, and need men to take care of them. Um, adults shouldn't need someone else to take care of them.
All in all, women promote the enslavement, rather than the liberation, of humanity. It's bad enough that the elite already control us. Now, throw women into the equation, and you have absolute misery. They are like sheep dogs helping out a shepherd (hence the term "bitch," in case you didn't know).
And to think, women are actually proud of their controlling ways. What a disgrace.
Discuss. ..Blue Falcon take note.

Posted by: sickinmass at January 31, 2009 02:35 PM (/i4dU)

10 If tuna costs $11,000 for one fish, how come I can get a can of tuna for under a buck?

And don't tell me it's dolphin. It's government certified, and if the government says it's tuna, I know it's tuna because we all know that President Affirmative Action Stumblefuck and his Tax Cheat minions would never ever lie to the American public!

/wow, it's so easy to turn off your brain and be a liberal!

Posted by: shibumi at January 31, 2009 02:36 PM (tZB/c)

11 You the Japanese don't have a game show involving tuna-licking midgets and giggling school girls? That's nor the Japan I knew.

Posted by: eman at January 31, 2009 02:40 PM (ZsOIJ)

12 You mean, I meant.

Posted by: eman at January 31, 2009 02:45 PM (ZsOIJ)


Tuna is full of Mercury because at one time, that planet was much closer to Earth and some of it spilled over due to gravitational anomalies like black holes and such.

Therefore, Obama can lick a Tuna's ass.

Posted by: Old Sailor at January 31, 2009 02:49 PM (/Ft4q)

14 CUNTS doesn't like the licking part?? ...where have I gone wrong?!

Posted by: Kipper Snacks at January 31, 2009 02:53 PM (+Q0+O)

15 #8 .......is your Tuna worth 11k?

Posted by: Jubal Anderson Early at January 31, 2009 02:55 PM (krKUp)

16 >>If tuna costs $11,000 for one fish, how come I can get a can of tuna for under a buck?
 Fat content..Sushi grade.
True story.. A friend has a tuna boat and we went off Gloucester, Ma. overnight
(Georges Bank) and came back with a 700 lb. tuna. Japanese buyers were waiting for us on the dock and after testing fat content gave my friend 9K for the damned tuna. It was packed in ice and trucked to Logan and was in Tokyo the next day.
We licked the cash.

Posted by: sickinmass at January 31, 2009 02:56 PM (/i4dU)

17 All your tuna smells are belong to us

Posted by: kbdabear at January 31, 2009 02:57 PM (miw86)

18 Don't the tuna already have an organization which represents them? NOW.

Posted by: amiyy4u at January 31, 2009 02:57 PM (sCCGl)

19 They didn't close the fish market because people were licking the tuna (though I'm sure somebody did, just because in a large group of people somebody will do anything).  They closed it because the tourists were taking flash pictures of the auction, something that's very rude in Japan.

Posted by: Ace's liver at January 31, 2009 03:02 PM (LtIsn)


Nippon. Vortex of Strange.

Stole my thunder. Anthony Bourdain's visit to Japan was like a Rick Steve's travel diary on acid.

I'd love to visit Japan but I would have absoloutely no idea how to act or behave.

Posted by: ErikW at January 31, 2009 03:03 PM (hKtiw)

21 Did that story about the Pentagon budget getting slashed 10% pan out?  I haven't seen anything new about it today.

Posted by: Methos at January 31, 2009 03:04 PM (LqLye)

22 @15: MY tuna is worth it's weight in Gold, bitch. You should see me in a leather catsuit.

Posted by: Emma Peel at January 31, 2009 03:05 PM (iafWn)

23 Any word on any bans on sausage sucking?

Posted by: Damiano at January 31, 2009 03:08 PM (cfKer)

24 #22...........I think I speak for most morons on here with this.......... Link?

Posted by: Jubal Anderson Early at January 31, 2009 03:20 PM (krKUp)

25 I think there are a few people out there who might admit to licking a tuna. The sexual preference jokes just write themselves...

Posted by: ford at January 31, 2009 03:40 PM (Ki7fm)

26 #17 I love you.

Please, keep licking the tuna or I will be forced to destroy your otherwise useless species.

Posted by: Amanda at January 31, 2009 03:43 PM (SXosX)

27 @24: http://tinyurl.com/b5yy7

Posted by: Emma Peel at January 31, 2009 03:47 PM (iafWn)

28 @26: Amanda, comparing licking tuna to great duck is like comparing Western Girls with Japanese Girls... Darling, I give you best duck...

Posted by: James Bond at January 31, 2009 03:52 PM (iafWn)

29 #27............how bout 11,000.50?

Posted by: Jubal Anderson Early at January 31, 2009 04:05 PM (krKUp)

30 @29: http://tinyurl.com/coptph

Posted by: James Bond at January 31, 2009 04:07 PM (iafWn)

31 Oh, you had to bring that up. Destruction forthcoming...

Posted by: Amanda at January 31, 2009 04:08 PM (SXosX)

32 How bout a new unicorn?

Posted by: Jubal Anderson Early at January 31, 2009 04:15 PM (krKUp)

33 "Now we can finally rid ourselves of this meaningless piece of shit."

So I clicked it and then I smacked my forehead and said Stoop you dolt!  OF COURSE it'll be the U.S.Constitution.  But no...
heh heh heh
y'surprised me.

Posted by: Stoop Davy Dave at January 31, 2009 04:25 PM (gKgLs)

34 Don't the tuna already have an organization which represents them? NOW.

Okay, that took me a second. Heh.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at January 31, 2009 04:34 PM (MKNSy)

35 Heh. NO!

Posted by: Amanda at January 31, 2009 04:36 PM (SXosX)

36 What this blog REALLY needs is a good tuna vs. catfish thread.

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 04:38 PM (iafWn)

37 Or, come to think of it: Catfish vs. Swordfish...

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 04:39 PM (iafWn)

38 Just for a second there, you talk about licking the tuna, and I'm thinking "Why on earth would I want to lick Bill Parcells?"

Posted by: Bill H at January 31, 2009 04:48 PM (q8CmE)


”It’s grrrrreeEEEAAAT!”

"Sorry Charlie. Starkist doesn't want tuna with good taste, Starkist wants tuna that tastes good!"

Fixed it for you.

Posted by: John F Not Kerry at January 31, 2009 04:55 PM (HF2US)

40 1 Except Charlie has stolen Tony-the-Tiger's slogan. . . Or, is it the Exxon Tiger's? I'm so confused. Put a tuna in your tank?

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 05:13 PM (iafWn)

41 I think the correct term for tune is now,

sea kittens.

Posted by: Dave C at January 31, 2009 05:18 PM (m3+n5)

42 Video Exclusive! Obama and Chris Matthews doing the Inaugural parade wild thang!

Posted by: richard mcenroe at January 31, 2009 05:33 PM (pEXyx)


Hey Ol Charlie the Beatnik tuna. He's a cool cat man! He used to run with dizzy Gillespie and Thelonious Monk. I can still hear those cats wail Salt Peanuts Salt Peanuts. This is all Charlies fault. You know the stimulus and all that. Right because if you follow the geneology of Be Bop which gave birth to the Beat Generation of the 1950's you will find a direct link to the Sixties Radicals who now control the Highest office in the land of the most powerful nation that ever existed. 

It's tuuuunnaarrific!    http://tinyurl.com/c5tgkz

Posted by: Krazy Kat at January 31, 2009 05:37 PM (K4Zxt)

44 Anyone want their tuna licked?

Posted by: CoolCzech at January 31, 2009 05:38 PM (iafWn)

45 How there have been no links yet to Troy McClure, I'll never know.  That said, http://tinyurl.com/c9bxr9 .  Fixed.

Posted by: StPatrick at January 31, 2009 05:56 PM (XmjnC)


 My wife takes the minimal efforts required to have only perfectly fresh tuna available for me.   She has to kiss me and go down there too so its a win-win: I LOVE HER!!!!


Posted by: JoeTee at February 01, 2009 02:49 AM (prdCq)

Posted by: mrp at February 01, 2009 05:06 AM (HjPtV)



For about 10 years, I was always in Tokyo for a large conference in the winter season- probably the best time to be in Tokyo.

The conference always ended on a Friday and after a long day of closing events and packing up booths and tearing down the mini cities that took place that week, a long, long night of celebration began.

Tokyo is an awesome city and the Japanese people are the greatest hosts in the world.  They like to have fun.

We would always spend the balance of the evening in Ropongi, an almost mini America.  It is a huge section of great bars and resturaunts.

We would party until about 5 AM, then proceed to somehow find our way to the fish market.

This place is INCREDIBLE.

First, it is about the size of a football stadium in area.  The ground is a menagerie of concrete, asphalt, and cobblestone. Remember: this is the oldest and largest around.

The place has all sorts of fishmongers, tuna is a primary, but not the only.  All around there are small shops.  Some are also selling fresh foods and alcohol.  I think the coolest ones were the families selling sea cucumbers or unagi (eel).  The animals are still alive and cared for, until it is time for a purchase.

I have walked this beat ten times (having left my former employer to start my own business) and have consumed fish, beer, and sake.  All freshly prepared, cold and tasty.  I liked this feel.  It was truly different.  Some of the businesses were very friendly, wanting to find out who, what, and where about you.  Others were just too busy, or professional, to take time.  This is their life.

It irritates me to find out people treat these locals as some sort of a bizarre show, one that they can literally interrupt the flow with their conceded selfishness.  This reminds me of the drunken puke college maggots from the US who treat the Mexican population as their pets during spring break.  And I have always laughed at these freaks when they are escorted to jail by the Federalies.  Now I find that these people must have acquired jobs that allow them to yet again make the phrase "ugly American" appear in a new region.

Thanks Rectumheads.

Posted by: Jdubya at February 01, 2009 05:27 AM (LOjqz)


#16 Thanks for the explanation.

Epicurean-grade tuna, not the cans I get from Kroger.  Got it.  Like $100/lb steaks for the President (may his light never dim).

Posted by: Mikey NTH at February 01, 2009 09:45 AM (TUWci)

50 49.. (may his light never dim).
I would punch them lights out for free..and for humanity.
btw: Leave the peanut butter cookies alone at Krogers.
'jus  sayin'.

Posted by: sickinmass at February 01, 2009 10:42 AM (/i4dU)


Posted by: Spurwing Plover at February 01, 2009 07:35 PM (5rF6M)

Posted by: lace wigs at February 01, 2009 10:52 PM (mQXlB)

53 Those people must be part of a tuna-lick fringe.

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Posted by: ben at January 16, 2010 01:25 AM (v0Dku)

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