May 31, 2014

Open Thread: Kill or Cure? [WeirdDave]
— Open Blogger

Alright, this one is a game for you history buffs. The Traveler suddenly shows up on your doorstep, fresh from observing the Eloi that are the descendents of today's Progressives. Exhausted from his trip, the Traveler begs a bed from you and falls asleep. You notice that in his weary state, the Traveler forget to pocket the keys to the time machine. You figure that you have time for one quick jaunt before the Traveler awakens. Grabbing your Barrett .50 cal rifle and one round, you hop in the machine and are delighted to see that he's already stocked the thing with Dr. McCoy's medkit. Your hand reaches forward and....

Here are the rules. You can make one trip and one trip only. You must travel somewhere in American history, no going back to kill Hitler.* When you get there, you can either kill someone, or save someone's life. Who do you kill or cure, and why, you must explain what you are hoping to accomplish. We played this game at a party I went to last week (right after the Madam Curie look-alike contest and just before we tried to jump Stephen Hawking's wheelchair over a row of schoolbuses. That's right, I party hearty). One person said he'd kill Jefferson after he wrote the Declaration of Independence. His reasoning was that the DoI was Jefferson's last great contribution to America. He basically hid in Virginia during the Revolutionary War and afterward he had a head filled with nonsense about a nation of gentlemen farmers. With Jefferson dead Hamilton becomes the third president and can implement his vision of the US as a mercantile powerhouse.

I, on the other hand, decided that I would travel back to July of 1924 and use the medkit to cure Calvin Coolidge Jr of the blood poisoning that killed him. Jr's death really took the heart out of his father, if he survives, my hope is that Cal runs for reelection in 1928. He would have won easily, and when the crash comes in 1929, he would have done the proper thing-nothing (I believe this because that's what Harding and Coolidge did in response to the post WWI depression that was every bit as bad as the 1929 one. The result was the Roaring 20s). Within six months the economy would have recovered and we'd be off and running into the Roaring 30s. No Great Depression, No FDR, no New Deal, none of that garbage that's ruined the country. (If I had to kill someone, I'd have shot TR in 1912. With him out of the way Taft beats Wilson, strangling the “progressive” movement in it's cradle and really saving the country).

*It's actually impossible to time travel and kill Hitler. Studies have shown that every single person who invented or stole a time machine tried to do this, and the collision of all those different time lines over Germany created a temporal interference wave that makes it quite impossible for any time traveler to get there. Doctor Who couldn't wedge the TARDIS into wartime Germany.

....firmly pushes the start button. With a roar, the Time Machine springs to life and you're off to the year.........

Open thread

Posted by: Open Blogger at 04:49 AM | Comments (366)
Post contains 544 words, total size 3 kb.

1 What?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 04:49 AM (dG+q8)

2 A.Lincoln

Posted by: Velvet Ambition at May 31, 2014 04:49 AM (R8hU8)

3 Im tellin ya, we need a Joe Biden presidency - he's to stupid to completely fuck it all up, will simply do as he is told, and he's not nearly the America hater that Barry is - DRAFT JOE

Posted by: Big Fat Baloney Sandwhich at May 31, 2014 04:50 AM (TzzGu)

4 I would kill Muhammad. No Muhammad, no Islam. No Islam, the Byzantine Empire and the Sassanian Empire survive, Europe/Christendom develops along a very different path post-Charlemagne. No idea if it would improve matters any, though.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 31, 2014 04:51 AM (IX4mU)

5 Oh, get it now. I can't say. Would get a little hot around Casa de Ricardo.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 04:51 AM (dG+q8)

6 Oh, American history. Scratch that, then.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 31, 2014 04:51 AM (IX4mU)

7 Oh dude. Can. Of. Worms.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 04:51 AM (DmNpO)

8 Top 3:
Save JFK
Kill LBJ
Kill Lincoln

Posted by: Randall Hoven at May 31, 2014 04:52 AM (SuEYq)

9 Top 3: Save JFK Kill LBJ Kill Lincoln *** One. Just one.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 04:53 AM (DmNpO)

10 Kill Lincoln Aaaand we're off.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 04:54 AM (sdi6R)

11 "Can. Of. Worms." No shit. Be careful. Very careful.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 04:54 AM (dG+q8)

12 I'd travel back to Dec 18, 2011 and save SrA Shannon Rhodes. That is all.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (x3YFz)

13 I am partial against Woodrow Wilson so he would be a serious consideration on the bump off list. Also, possibly Lee Harvey Oswald. The Kennedy assassination was just a huge catalyst for a lot of stupid in this nation. The Kennedy worship alone is extremely destructive, and I think had he lived people would now be much more realistic about the fact that he was, at his very best, a celebrity first and a sub-mediocre president and not some ideal to try to mold our politicians into. If his admin had been able to play out I don't think he would have been re-elected. Which means no LBJ, no Great Society bullshit, etc. Plus, all the conspiracy mongering has been destructive, IMO.

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (qFpRI)

14 2nd try; I'd kill the VA judge that first decided that chattel slavery was legal in English dominions. Change that decision, and the whole course of American history changes - No civil war, states retain more autonomy, no civil rights issues for the commies to use as a wedge, etc.

Posted by: Grey Fox at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (IX4mU)

15 "Kill Lincoln"

Again?

Posted by: lowandslow at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (IV4od)

16 I'd go back to Miami on February 15, 1933 and do what Giuseppe Zangara failed to do. Many of our current problems stem from FDR and those who followed his agenda. Now maybe if FDR's footsteps were the grave, others would not have been so keen to continue in his footsteps.

Posted by: RickZ at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (8DkPq)

17 If I had to kill someone, I'd have shot TR in 1912. Somebody already tried that. Didn't work.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 04:55 AM (sdi6R)

18 >>Can. Of. Worms.

Yeah, I should say that I *will* zap with extreme prejudice any comment that raises the hackles (or might raise the hackles) of LEO. IOW, avoid anything that could be construed as a threat.

Do NOT go there or I will kill this thread.

Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 04:56 AM (zDsvJ)

19 Let's see. Has to be American history time which means I can't blow the skin off'n that serpent as he was clearing his throat and ready to start talkin' to Eve. Hmm. Have to give this more thought. Course, with a 50, I can pull a Quigley, get a few of em lined up and...

Posted by: teej at May 31, 2014 04:56 AM (2h9Cc)

20 Yup, they shot Teddy and he proceeded to give a long speech.

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 04:58 AM (IVgIK)

21 ""Kill Lincoln" Again?" Yeah. Been. Done. To. Death.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 04:58 AM (dG+q8)

22 I'd go back to Miami on February 15, 1933 and do what Giuseppe Zangara failed to do. Yeah great, make Henry Wallace, an actual Communist, President. Brilliant.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 04:58 AM (QupBk)

23 18 Yeah, I should say that I *will* zap with extreme prejudice any comment that raises the hackles (or might raise the hackles) of LEO. IOW, avoid anything that could be construed as a threat. Do NOT go there or I will kill this thread. Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 09:56 AM (zDsvJ) Sounds like maybe we ought to restrict ourselves to killing people who are already dead.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 04:59 AM (sdi6R)

24 Kill Jack Ruby and you kill the conspiracy theories about the assassination...

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 04:59 AM (IVgIK)

25 in historical context, I'd kill John Stewart Service. Google him. Traitor, undermined everything we did. Commie. Shitbag. Amerasia, Chang Kai Shek. et al.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 04:59 AM (x3YFz)

26 Kill Flanders

Posted by: Homer Simpson at May 31, 2014 04:59 AM (uhAkr)

27 Yeah, I should say that I *will* zap with extreme prejudice any comment that raises the hackles (or might raise the hackles) of LEO. IOW, avoid anything that could be construed as a threat. Do NOT go there or I will kill this thread. *** Very good. Dave's keeping a close eye on it as well.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 04:59 AM (DmNpO)

28 Hamilton was born on Nevis. Not a natural born citizen. Couldn't be president. I'd shoot Woodrow Wilson, and celebrate with a mint julep.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:00 AM (RHu5C)

29 "Kill Jack Ruby and you kill the conspiracy theories about the assassination..." I dunno. People would still find other links. Or make shit up.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:00 AM (dG+q8)

30 I would cure William Henry Harrison, only because I suspect somebody from the future killed him.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 31, 2014 05:01 AM (uhAkr)

31 if you stop Lincoln from being assassinated, and a living Lincoln followed through with a non punitive reconstruction of the south as he promised, perhaps the south would have recovered more quickly and Jim Crow could have been prevented. If Jim Crow would have been prevented, perhaps we would have eliminated racial quotas, preferences, and President JEF all together or we would have had a president JEF a hundred years ago and we would be much further along the path to being a banana republic than we are now maybe I will settle for making sure Woodrow Wilson is never president

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:01 AM (zOTsN)

32 >>Sounds like maybe we ought to restrict ourselves to killing people who are already dead.

Yeah, I think so.

This can be a really fun thread if folks take it in the right spirit.

Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 05:01 AM (zDsvJ)

33 People would still find other links. Or make shit up. But there would have been a public trial. Unless *they* just had someone else kill the patsy.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:02 AM (QupBk)

34 If you think I'm harsh, when JFK was assassinated my father closed his law office and threw a party. Now THAT'S harsh.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:02 AM (RHu5C)

35 Do in Robert Strange McNamarra and you prevent Project One Hundred Thousand, one of the most immoral things ever done by our nation.

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 05:02 AM (IVgIK)

36 Lying liars who lie: Eric Cantor division (he's a real contender for a lifetime achievement award)

http://tinyurl.com/kwogq8k

Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:02 AM (4nR9/)

37 Kill Gavrilo Princip. The Archduke lives, no WW1, Hitler tries to sell some paintings and when told to get lost does a header off a tall building, Lenin does the cocktail party circuit in Switzerland, Mao gets no encouragement, Wilson loses second term.

Posted by: Bill at May 31, 2014 05:02 AM (uvyrw)

38 Oddly enough, I have been running this through my gourd lately (Imagine that!). I considered: Wilson, Oswald, Stalin, Lenin, the whole shebang and I finally narrowed it down to: Gavarilo Princip. Unass that guy and a lot things never happen. Probably, no WWI or II, or the conflict is European only and limited . Communism doesn't get a foothold and likely fades to insignificance. That cures a lot of evils.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:03 AM (Vzj1G)

39 29 "Kill Jack Ruby and you kill the conspiracy theories about the assassination..." I dunno. People would still find other links. Or make shit up. Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 10:00 AM (dG+q And it still wouldn't prevent the Kennedy worship, which is largely what I'd be trying to avert. All of our politicians trying to ape what pop culture says Kennedy was has been a very bad thing. Plus LBJ's presidency wouldn't have happened once people got their fill of Jack.

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at May 31, 2014 05:03 AM (qFpRI)

40 Yeah great, make Henry Wallace, an actual Communist, President. Brilliant. So he'd be worse than FDR? Really? Look at the shit FDR left us as a legacy. Plus FDR had that whole Roosevelt family thing going on, helping him (akin to the Kennedy clan), which Wallace certainly did not. What you're saying is very much the argument about why we shouldn't remove Owebama from the presidency: Joe Biden. I'd rather take the risk on 'what if?' than 'what was'.

Posted by: RickZ at May 31, 2014 05:03 AM (8DkPq)

41 Be very careful, morons. Don't say anything to get banned, or ace in trouble.

Posted by: Conservative Crank's iPhone at May 31, 2014 05:03 AM (R+XDI)

42 American history is so brief, it makes it tough to not choose a cliche. The first three people I came up with are ineligible. How about killing Anthony Johnson, the first owner of black slaves in "America" (obviously this was long before the Revolutionary War). No slaves, no Civil War, no last 150 years of grievance.

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 05:03 AM (ZshNr)

43 How about killing the Bolshies? Lenin/Trots/Stalin. Since, I believe nazism was in part a response to communism, you can kill two birds with one stone.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:04 AM (27cle)

44 "But there would have been a public trial. Unless *they* just had someone else kill the patsy." And a public trial would have found Oswald guilty as a lone gunman.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:04 AM (dG+q8)

45 So he'd be worse than FDR? Really? Absolutely, imo. Certainly no better.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:04 AM (QupBk)

46 Unass that guy and a lot things never happen. It might happen five or six years later, but it'll still happen. Germany were total assholes and they wanted an Empire of their own. The assassination was a convenient excuse.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 31, 2014 05:05 AM (uhAkr)

47 Be very careful, morons. Don't say anything to get banned, or ace in trouble. Posted by: Conservative Crank's iPhone at May 31, 2014 10:03 AM (R+XDI) No one's said anything questionable, and the point has already been addressed. Take your booger hook off the bang switch.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:05 AM (x3YFz)

48 Sorry. I didn't see the American history bit and since you were talking about Hitler...

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:05 AM (27cle)

49 No slaves, no Civil War, no last 150 years of grievance. Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 10:03 AM (ZshNr) That's a good one. My American history is too weak to not go with something obvious.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:05 AM (E8IHS)

50 what is LEO just so I don't step in it

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:05 AM (zOTsN)

51 Saul Alinsky... as an infant.

Posted by: President Selfie at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (e4RZT)

52 "How about killing Anthony Johnson, the first owner of black slaves in "America" (obviously this was long before the Revolutionary War" Very PC.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (dG+q8)

53 28 Hamilton was born on Nevis. Not a natural born citizen. Couldn't be president. I'd shoot Woodrow Wilson, and celebrate with a mint julep. Yes, Hamilton could have been president. There was an out back then for those who were British subjects at the time this nation was founded.

Posted by: RickZ at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (8DkPq)

54 I would use McCoy's medkit to fix Joe Hooker at Chancellorsville. If he hadn't gotten bonked on the head, and squashed under debris, he might have chosen to stay and fight Lee, as most of his corps commanders wanted to, and he might have won the battle. Which might have ended that war 2 years early.

Posted by: ExSnipe at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (4GIwu)

55 Who the hell wants a national Obama Day holiday? I think we all want the prick to live long and prosper.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (RHu5C)

56 what is LEO just so I don't step in it Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 10:05 AM (zOTsN) Law Enforcement Officer(s)

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:06 AM (x3YFz)

57 I'd go back in time and f*ck Marilyn Monroe.

Posted by: goatexchange at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (sYUHT)

58 " what is LEO " The Po-Po. The Fuzz The Heat. Capiche?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (dG+q8)

59 Very PC. Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 10:06 AM (dG+q Slavery isn't very PC

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (E8IHS)

60 Nothing PC about serving the cause of individual freedom, more like the opposite.

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (ZshNr)

61 Killing Karl Marx would be fun.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (MMC8r)

62 Well, Woodrow Wilson sure set back race relations in this country.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (27cle)

63 I'd go back in time and f*ck Marilyn Monroe. Here's a man, presumably, with his priorities straight.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (QupBk)

64 thanks I thought it was a cool new thing like a nickel fucker

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (zOTsN)

65 " I'd go back in time and f*ck Marilyn Monroe." Awesome answer. But, alas, not the question.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:07 AM (dG+q8)

66 Honestly, I'd do nothing.  I'm not smart enough to know how things would work out.  They could have gone a lot worse.  The fact that you're still here opining proves that. 

Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (4nR9/)

67 An "out?" Hamilton didn't consider himself qualified. Plus, he was a bastard, poor fellow.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (RHu5C)

68 Law Enforcement Officers, thunderb.

You'll be fine.

I don't mean to sound like a scold, but I realized after posting this thread that it could be a problem for some people.

Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (zDsvJ)

69 My vote is also for Woodrow Wilson: he is the guy that definitely steering the U.S. and the Presidency in a direction from which it has never really recovered.

Posted by: Retired Buckeye Cop at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (1htQa)

70 To stop or derail LBJ would not require a bullet.  Just make sure two guys do not stuff ballot boxes in the election that earned LBJ the nickname "Landslide"

Make sure William Jefferson Clinton's father never meets his mother.  Heck make sure both are sterile/

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (Vhw0v)

71 61 Killing Karl Marx would be fun. You'd have to figure out what mansion he was staying in.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (uhAkr)

72 I'd be tempted to bludgeon Woodrow Wilson till he was good and permanently retarded. Or just chase his mother with a coat hanger. either way it eliminates one of the biggest leading lights of the progressive movement and removes the biggest racist to ever sit in the white house.

Posted by: Vote Lord Humungus 2016 at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (xTO7r)

73 If I had to kill someone, I'd have shot TR in 1912.

Somebody already tried that. Didn't work. Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 09:55 AM



Should have used a bigger caliber.

Posted by: huerfano at May 31, 2014 05:08 AM (bAGA/)

74 Actually, Dave is not. He just tweeted that he's a Gingy's graduation.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (DmNpO)

75 Heal Marilyn and according the latest conspiracy theories, she tarnishes the two saints of the Kennedy family. Hmmm.....

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (IVgIK)

76 Honestly, I'd do nothing. I'm not smart enough to know how things would work out. They could have gone a lot worse. The fact that you're still here opining proves that. The Sound of Thunder.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (QupBk)

77 I'm expanding my own range to everywhere, anytime. This is going to take a while. So many contenders. I suppose MedKit-ing Jesus Christ would be a bad idea.

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (ZshNr)

78 31 if you stop Lincoln from being assassinated, and a living Lincoln followed through with a non punitive reconstruction of the south as he promised, perhaps the south would have recovered more quickly and Jim Crow could have been prevented. If Jim Crow would have been prevented, perhaps we would have eliminated racial quotas, preferences, and President JEF all together


or we would have had a president JEF a hundred years ago and we would be much further along the path to being a banana republic than we are now


maybe I will settle for making sure Woodrow Wilson is never president

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 10:01 AM (zOTsN)



That is all well and good but, contrary to the MFM, Jim Crow was not limited to the south.

Posted by: Vic[/i] at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (T2V/1)

79 I keep thinking it over, and I'm still going to go with John S. Service. Traitor extraordinaire. Single-handedly allowed China to become communist as a US diplomat. The follow on was Korea and we're still dealing with the destruction that fucker wrought.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (x3YFz)

80 The Sound of Thunder.

What does that mean?

Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:09 AM (4nR9/)

81 This morning I automatically poured the usual 1/4 cup of DairyGold Half and Half into my first cup of coffee.  I simply forgot that we're all supposed to be using butter now.  So the second cup contained a pat of Costco Kirkland butter.  Looks like hot buttered rum.  It's... curious.  A bit waxy.  But tolerable, even.  In a stranded on a desert island with a bag of Costco coffee beans and a stick of Kirkland butter kind of way.

Posted by: Skookumchuk at May 31, 2014 05:10 AM (OSzB9)

82 Can you shoot Oswald AND f**k Marilyn Monroe? Because that would be awesome.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:10 AM (RHu5C)

83 I don't think we can count Gavrilo Princip. He wasn't part of *American* history in 1914. Yeah, I know we did eventually get involved in that war, but still. Back in late 1999 a local radio host did a program where callers picked the most influential person of the 20th Century. All the usual suspects were named, like Churchill, Hitler, FDR, Einstein, and so on. Right at the end of the show, a caller suggested Princip. I slapped my forehead and said, "OF COURSE!" He set in motion a chain of events that led to WWI, the Russian Revolution, Nazi Germany, WWII, the Holocaust, the Chinese Revolution, the atomic bomb, the space race, and on and on and on...

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:11 AM (sdi6R)

84 Vic I know Jim Crow wasn't limited to the south There were slaves in NJ AFTER the civil war. NJ was agricultural and need the labor. They just changed what they called them

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:11 AM (zOTsN)

85 I would go back 60 minutes and kill the bear that just dragged and scattered two weeks of fetid, percolated garbage all over my driveway and yard.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:11 AM (aDwsi)

86 Oops. A Sound of Thunder http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Sound_of_Thunder

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:11 AM (QupBk)

87 Can you shoot Oswald AND f**k Marilyn Monroe? Because that would be awesome. Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 10:10 AM (RHu5C) Why would you shoot Oswald? Kennedy was an idiot.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:11 AM (x3YFz)

88 "Can you shoot Oswald AND f**k Marilyn Monroe? Because that would be awesome." Nice work if you can get it.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:12 AM (dG+q8)

89 Anarchists were running around bumping off people, especially royalty, in europe. So, even if Princip wasn't around to shoot the Archduke, someone else would have done it.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:12 AM (27cle)

90 American history is so brief, it makes it tough to not choose a cliche. The first three people I came up with are ineligible. How about killing Anthony Johnson, the first owner of black slaves in "America" (obviously this was long before the Revolutionary War). No slaves, no Civil War, no last 150 years of grievance. *** No slaves? Puhleeze! My grandparents picked cotton in the 50's and, as I mentioned here last week, were held captive on a farm at one point until my great-grandfather and a few men showed up with guns.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:12 AM (DmNpO)

91 Phil Hartman's wife.

Posted by: 3.14159 at May 31, 2014 05:12 AM (nyXcy)

92 "The Sound of Thunder" is a Ray Bradbury short story.  Time travel jaunts to the past for tourists are allowed.  IF you stay on the designated paths.  One traveler accidentally steps off the path and kills a butterfly back in dinosaur times.  That one vent ripples throughout time until the human race almost becomes extinct while dinosaurs live.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (Vhw0v)

93 @86  Yep.  That's about right.

Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (4nR9/)

94 KIll Stalin.

Posted by: bopiddy at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (gybuW)

95 I still stick with my theory that the CIA, LBJ, and the KGB killed JFK using Oswald as a patsy because the drug-addled Kennedy had gone insane after the Bay of Pigs and was planning a first-strike on the USSR.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (MMC8r)

96 My grandparents picked cotton in the 50's and, as I mentioned here last week, were held captive on a farm at one point until my great-grandfather and a few men showed up with guns. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 10:12 AM (DmNpO) Of course, there is even modern day slavery in America. He means institutional slavery in the open economy.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (E8IHS)

97 91 Phil Hartman's wife. Best answer so far. He was gonna make a live action Troy McClure movie, dammit!

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 31, 2014 05:13 AM (uhAkr)

98 "Phil Hartman's wife." Hey..........awesome.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (dG+q8)

99 I'd go back in time and knock Ace's mother up. Ace, I am your father!

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (27cle)

100 Any way to get Wilson to not be President. I can't get passed that America wrecker.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (E8IHS)

101 OK, OK - but what if I f*ck Marilyn Monroe to DEATH!?

Posted by: goatexchange at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (sYUHT)

102 I'd go back in time and kill a bottle of scotch.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (MMC8r)

103 Some webwork hooks are just irresistably baited. Time Traveler's Conundrum We had the best of intentions http://mindfulwebworks.com/tales/time-travelers-conundrum 4-panel SF toon from about 2 months ago.

Posted by: mindful webworker bites at May 31, 2014 05:14 AM (A9q/z)

104 Someone should point out to Ray Bradbury that SMOD > butterfly

Posted by: Vote Lord Humungus 2016 at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (xTO7r)

105 Well, if I'm banging a 1962 Monroe I'm going to want to shoot somebody afterwards. Oswald works.

Posted by: Velociman at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (RHu5C)

106 "My grandparents picked cotton in the 50's and, as I mentioned here last week, were held captive on a farm at one point until my great-grandfather and a few men showed up with guns." Mississippi?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (dG+q8)

107 46 Unass that guy and a lot things never happen. It might happen five or six years later, but it'll still happen. Germany were total assholes and they wanted an Empire of their own. The assassination was a convenient excuse. Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at May 31, 2014 10:05 AM (uhAkr) Very correct. The Kaiser had his sights set on a number of things, but it wouldn't have been the absolute slaughter of WWI. Likely, Russia doesn't get involved or Britain, except where colonies would be involved. No Russian turmoil. Lenin fades into the void.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (Vzj1G)

108 I still stick with my theory that the CIA, LBJ, and the KGB killed JFK using Oswald as a patsy because the drug-addled Kennedy had gone insane after the Bay of Pigs and was planning a first-strike on the USSR. Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 10:13 AM (MMC8r) Oswald, it appears, was the Marine radar operator in Okinawa (I think) that initially sold the russians the operational altitude of the U-2 that eventually let to the shootdown. Oh oswald shot kennedy. There's ample evidence to suggest there was another shooter, but not something I waste time thinking about. It was a KGB OP, front to back.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (x3YFz)

109 There are people practicing and getting arrested for slavery today in this country. Not a few of whom are Mid Easterners who bring their "property" with them when they move to the U.S. Big case in Massachusetts a few years back, can't recall the outcome.

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 05:15 AM (ZshNr)

110 Obviously he could go back in time, save Marilyn's life, then fark her...

Posted by: Lawrence Person at May 31, 2014 05:16 AM (bKIZw)

111 John Wilkes Booth might be interesting. One wonders if Lincoln might have managed Reconstruction so much better that many of today's problems would not exist. I'm doubtful, but maybe.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:16 AM (aDwsi)

112 Mississippi? *** Georgia and South Carolina.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:16 AM (DmNpO)

113 No shooting. I'd introduce the concept of the wheelbarrow to some of the mountain terrace-farmers of South America. Also the bellows, and maybe the vaccine. Soon after they'd already figured out the potato for themselves, should do it. It'd at least give them a sporting chance against Pizarro. As for the Aztecs, those fuckers are on their own

Posted by: boulder t'hobo at May 31, 2014 05:16 AM (3kZUM)

114 How about I save MLK Jr.? Fewer riots, race mongers don't immediately take over his dream with PC bull. We'd have to listen to more of his commie rhetoric though.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:16 AM (E8IHS)

115 contrary to the opinion of some posters here, your "man juice" cannot save a life or cure addiction

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:17 AM (zOTsN)

116 "I'd go back in time and kill a bottle of scotch." The sweet thing is that you don't have to go back in time to do that. You can kill that injustice any time you like.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:17 AM (dG+q8)

117 Save Mary Jo Kopechne; she testifies how that lout Teddy left her for dead; no fat drunken bastard gumming up the Senate for 3 decades.

Posted by: PabloD at May 31, 2014 05:17 AM (iMHhV)

118 Well, if I'm banging a 1962 Monroe I'm going to want to shoot somebody afterwards. Oswald works. *** If only you had been there when they shoved those pills down her throat.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:17 AM (DmNpO)

119 I'd kill Ted Kennedy. Without Kennedy there is no 1965 Immigration Act, which is responsible for California turning blue. And it would save the life of Mary Jo Kopechne.

Posted by: Jon (not the troll) at May 31, 2014 05:17 AM (HA+/6)

120 Save Mary Jo Kopechne; she testifies how that lout Teddy left her for dead; no fat drunken bastard gumming up the Senate for 3 decades. ** Oooh! good one!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (DmNpO)

121 There are people practicing and getting arrested for slavery today in this country. Not a few of whom are Mid Easterners who bring their "property" with them when they move to the U.S. Big case in Massachusetts a few years back, can't recall the outcome. Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 10:15 AM (ZshNr) Yep. My cousin runs a non-profit to fight modern slavery. There's actually a lot of slavery right here in the nation's capital. Especially sex slavery.

Posted by: HoboJerky, Hash Hunter at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (E8IHS)

122 I'd introduce the concept of the wheelbarrow to some of the mountain terrace-farmers of South America. I've often wondered what the world would have been like if the Vikings had been able to introduce Iron Age culture to North America.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (QupBk)

123 Lyndon Baines Johnson

Racist, cynical socialist, Dixiecrat, vicious, mean and inept as a  leader.

His only quality (if you can call it that) is that he was a conniving chiseler and made sure to have something to hold over everyone's head so he got whatever bill he wanted passed. I would not be surprised to find out he aided and abetted JFK's murder (who was no saint either).

He poisoned the country against conservatives with lies and then turned around and got us into a war anyway. He micromanaged Viet Nam so badly that we still haven't really recovered from all the hate and venom that was released into the country's veins from the divide it caused. To top it off, he and McNamara did it so badly we had no chance to win the war or the PR war and barely "won" tactically.

Then to top it all off when he realize how badly he fucked up and that he had no chance of being reelected, he tried to run away from the mess he made.

He also started the war on drugs and the war on poverty which has essentially been won by poverty.

Bribed the so called greatest generation into accepting socialism by introducing Medicare and plopped a poison pill in Dick Nixon's lap that the GOP still hasn't lived down.

EFF him with a rusty anchor.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Eagerly Awaiting the Warmth of Climate Variation) at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (JS0vr)

124 No Russian turmoil. Lenin fades into the void. Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 10:15 AM (Vzj1G) Daniel Pipes has published a few fantastic history books on Russia up to WWI. Great reads.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (x3YFz)

125 @86
That's also a more interesting variant of the game.  For every scenario, describe the unforeseen negative outcome. 


Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (4nR9/)

126 "Georgia and South Carolina." Oh.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:18 AM (dG+q8)

127 Because of previous Imperial Russian screw-ups in that region, Serbia was their last real ally.

To ensure the Archduke and his wife do not get shot, you replace the driver and make sure they never get lost.  That was the rub, Princip missed his first opportunity and walking back home when the lost Archduke asks for directions.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (Vhw0v)

128 Yeah, I think that if you go back in time, it is Marilyn who will fuck YOU to death.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (27cle)

129 You figure that you have time for one quick jaunt before the Traveler awakens. UH, I HAVE A TIME MACHINE. I have as much time as I need.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (MMC8r)

130 Save Breitbart???


Maybe???

Posted by: Portnoy at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (mTGgw)

131 For those talking about killing FDR in '33, you wouldn't have gotten Henry Wallace, who was just Secretary of Agriculture in the first two terms. FDR's first vice president was the fairly conservative "Cactus Jack" Garner, a Texas good ol' boy and cranky old bastard, who led the conservative Democratic revolt against FDR's court-packing scheme in '37-'38, and then ran against FDR in the 1940 primaries. Cactus Jack would have made a fascinating president, although it might have resulted in something violent and weird in the more Progressive areas of the country. The Wallace wing of the party (or maybe Tugwell/Hopkins/Ickes wing if we're talking '33/'34) would have lost their collective shit over Garner's most likely approach to things. Personally, my list would be Burr, Wilson, then maybe Booth. But I think I wouldn't have done it - butterfly effect means that any such radical change could have madly unintended consequences, and I'd be afraid to make things much worse.

Posted by: Mitch H. at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (bvoPo)

132 I like sticking to US history, and I'm going to leave the Barrett at home because I'm more likely to break my own nose with it than hit someone if I fire it. That leaves the medical kit. Find Lee Harvey Oswald passing out tracts on a New Orleans street corner, jostle him seemingly by accident and inject him with a big dose of whatever they're using in the 35th Century to treat Schizoid personality disorder (and a side order of Serotonin). Dude dumps his Fair Play For Cuba pamphlets in the nearest trash can, goes home to Marina and gets a job fixing cars. No Kennedy assassination. No Johnson Great Society programs (at least, not nearly so vast). Kennedy is remembered as a moderately good president, but his legacy isn't particularly great. Bobby Kennedy becomes the family crackpot, becoming ever more shrill and lefty as he slides into irrelevance. Teddy gets booted out of office after Chappaquiddick (or whatever analogous drunken stupid fiasco he causes in this new timeline). Moreover, the American left is saved from its own insanity. No Kennedy assassination means they don't have to go down the rabbit hole of ever more baroque conspiracy theories, disdaining America as a "violent, intolerant culture" in need of reform by saintly experts. It also means the left has to own Vietnam. None of that "Kennedy would have gotten us out" bullshit. It would probably keep them saner about military action. Ideally we go directly from JFK to Goldwater, who institutes Reagan's reforms a generation early. Voila!

Posted by: Trimegistus at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (wAaZ8)

133 We should do an Opposite Version. Better, a Liberal Version. I'm guessing three of their top 5 to take the bullet would be Christopher Columbus, George Washington or Ronald Reagan

Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (ZshNr)

134 109 There are people practicing and getting arrested for slavery today in this country. Not a few of whom are Mid Easterners who bring their "property" with them when they move to the U.S. Big case in Massachusetts a few years back, can't recall the outcome. Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 10:15 AM (ZshNr) Yeah there is actually a whole lot of slavery still happening in the world right now. Mostly in Africa and the ME. Which is why it pisses me off that everyone continues to shit on the US over slavery. Yes we had it and it was awful. But we are certainly not the last ones to do away with it.

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (qFpRI)

135 Save Mary Jo Kopechne; she testifies how that lout Teddy left her for dead; no fat drunken bastard gumming up the Senate for 3 decades.

You underestimate us.

Posted by: Massachusetts voters at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (4nR9/)

136 No Immigration Act no Clinton or Obama?

That might be the one.

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (IVgIK)

137 " Especially sex slavery." Do tell...?

Posted by: Bob Menendez, Senator at May 31, 2014 05:19 AM (dG+q8)

138 111 John Wilkes Booth might be interesting. One wonders if Lincoln might have managed Reconstruction so much better that many of today's problems would not exist. I'm doubtful, but maybe. Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 10:16 AM (aDwsi) I'm inclined to believe so. Lincoln certainly sounded like he wanted to reconcile with the South, and not treat them vindictively. But after he was killed, by a Confederate sympathizer no less, look out. Reconstruction was off to the races.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:20 AM (sdi6R)

139 little turd from south florida who blew himself up in a suicide vest in Syria was of Islamic back ground . Abu Mohammed Mansor or something like that

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:20 AM (zOTsN)

140 Got rid of Lincoln before his decision to use military force against his own people.  Oh wow that may play out AGAIN

Posted by: Gov Accountability Office at May 31, 2014 05:20 AM (aUQgu)

141 I would, first, not go any earlier than my own birthday - I would like to be sure I'm available to enjoy (or not) the changes I have wrought. So the sixties and earlier are right out. I would go back and make damned sure that door at the Watergate was secure when the guard checked it again. Or made sure the "plumbers" couldn't get in in the first place.

Posted by: Buck Farack, Gentleman Adventurer at May 31, 2014 05:21 AM (Nk6GS)

142 I would go back in time and kill Geoff's brother. He stepped on my head as I was kicking the snot out of Geoff IN HIS FRONT YARD (badass right?) and prevented me from winning the fist fight. Broke my nose. I am still pissed 35 years after the fact.

Posted by: Truck Monkey at May 31, 2014 05:21 AM (jucos)

143 30 I would cure William Henry Harrison, only because I suspect somebody from the future killed him. Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk

-------------------

Brilliant!

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 31, 2014 05:21 AM (4ckfx)

144 save Breitbart

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (zOTsN)

145 After much thought I would take the med kit and save Ronnie Van Zant. That way Skynyrd could keep rockin.

Posted by: theworminator at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (uBtQy)

146 FDR's first vice president was the fairly conservative "Cactus Jack" Garner, a Texas good ol' boy and cranky old bastard I sit corrected.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (QupBk)

147 128 Yeah, I think that if you go back in time, it is Marilyn who will fuck YOU to death. Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 10:19 AM (27cle) Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (sdi6R)

148 I always get pissed off when someone brings up that evil legacy of racism in a history book and fails to mention, oh, I dunno, the Zanj. just wait a sugarcane-slashin' minute heah...

Posted by: boulder t'hobo at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (3kZUM)

149 Mr. Whipple.  Just because.

Posted by: pep at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (4nR9/)

150 "I'm inclined to believe so. Lincoln certainly sounded like he wanted to reconcile with the South, and not treat them vindictively. " Andrew Johnson was an abortion.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (dG+q8)

151 you could convince Eli Whitney not to invent the cotton gin, prior to that slavery was heading closer to dying off. Setting fire to the supreme court justice that wrote dredd scott would probably have fixed a bunch of things.

Posted by: Vote Lord Humungus 2016 at May 31, 2014 05:22 AM (xTO7r)

152 kill Boothe, stop Wilson from being elected, save Breitbart. Top three

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:23 AM (zOTsN)

153 >>130 Save Breitbart???

Good answer.

Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 05:23 AM (zDsvJ)

154 Oswald, it appears, was the Marine radar operator in Okinawa (I think) that initially sold the russians the operational altitude of the U-2 that eventually let to the shootdown. That's the way I understand it. Luckily, I'm off the hook. I worked mostly Tower and was on the mainland. Always heard Okinawa (Futema) sucked. Daniel Pipes has published a few fantastic history books on Russia up to WWI. Great reads. Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 10:18 AM (x3YFz) I'll have to Amazon that.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:23 AM (Vzj1G)

155 Because of his youth, age 20, Princip did not receive the death penalty but I think only 20 years. He died 2 years later of TB. I would assume he was mistreated, though, while in prison. I laugh at how the brits got around their early fear of regicide by not executing them but simply putting them in a cell and not feeding them.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:23 AM (27cle)

156 Don't know if I would go back and kill someone, but I sure as hell would encourage a lot of mothers of politicians to give quite a few blowjobs instead.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly MrCaniac at May 31, 2014 05:23 AM (HxSXm)

157 little turd from south florida who blew himself up in a suicide vest in Syria was of Islamic back ground . Abu Mohammed Mansor or something like that Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 10:20 AM (zOTsN) hah... reminds me of convoy running where the jihadis would strap c4 to their thighs (you make them lift their shirts, so the went to the thigh thing), run up to an up-armored HMMV with combat locked doors and detonate. If you're about 3 vehicles back it looks like a red misty game of "Pop Goes The Weasel" LOL.... still gotta clean that shit off the vehicle later but funny as hell.

Posted by: tangonine at May 31, 2014 05:24 AM (x3YFz)

158 As for who gets the .50 BMG, how about Charles Manson? Nobody would really miss him, and I'm curious what that round would do to that scrawny little shitweasel.

Posted by: PabloD at May 31, 2014 05:24 AM (iMHhV)

159 Yeah great, make Henry Wallace, an actual Communist, President. Brilliant. 1933-1941 = first, when John Nance Garner was the VP first ("Cactus Jack" was born near the Red River in EAST Texas /irony) Garner opposed sit down union strikes, opposed New Deal deficit spending, and in 1937 absolutely broke from FDR's attempts to augment presidential powers unconstitutionally, enlarging the SCOTUS. + Garner quit over agenda + later FDR stripped Wallace of war agency responsibility, and dropped Wallace from the 1944 reelection ticket for feuding publicly against Jesse H. Jones, the head of (Hoover administration's) the federal agency Reconstruction Finance Corporation (RFC). ...Back in the day, "corporation" federal bureau.

Posted by: panzernashorn at May 31, 2014 05:24 AM (gmrH5)

160 I would go back in time, to Kate Upton's 17th birthday, and save her life. history doesn't matter from that point forward.

Posted by: goatexchange at May 31, 2014 05:25 AM (sYUHT)

161 I'd go back in time and avert the alien invasion from the planet Zlflorgon in 1897. Oh, wait, already did that. Okay, I'd bag Monroe, too.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:25 AM (MMC8r)

162 Go back and cure Tim Russert so at least someone would have asked Obama a tough question before he was elected.

Posted by: Craig at May 31, 2014 05:27 AM (G2C5p)

163 wahts interesting is how incurious the press is about the little turd from south florida wildly disinterested in fact. where did he go to school? where are his parents? who did he hang out with? how did he get to Syria? who did he travel with? who financed him? wildly disinterested remember Sami Al Arian, the South Florida Professor and Islamofacist? They don't either

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:27 AM (zOTsN)

164 al Arians daughter writes for The Nation and Huff Po nothing to see here people

Posted by: thunderb at May 31, 2014 05:28 AM (zOTsN)

165 1934, cure Robert A. Heinlein of tuberculosis

(read "The Return of William Proxmire" by Larry Niven) 

Posted by: John Marsh at May 31, 2014 05:28 AM (KaNfV)

166 If you'd eliminate LBJ, he wouldn't have pulled JFK's ass over the electoral finish line.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (MMC8r)

167 "They don't either" Who?

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (dG+q8)

168 George Lucas after "Return of the Jedi". After that, he just fucked the whole thing up, including the re-releases with new footage.

Posted by: Ashley Judd's Puffy Scamper, formerly MrCaniac at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (HxSXm)

169 Don't know if I would go back and kill someone, but I sure as hell would encourage a lot of mothers of politicians to give quite a few blowjobs instead. Might be as simple as just interrupting the coitus. Just drop in with the Tardis, say "oh, terribly sorry sir and madam" in your best fake English accent, wave at them with the end of your scarf and drop out again. Even if they do get back in the mood, maybe some other spermcell of the x-million will get lucky that night. New set of DNA = some other guy grows up. Note this only works where we have reason to believe the whole DNA stock isn't rotten. So might not be applicable to Kennedys.

Posted by: boulder t'hobo at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (3kZUM)

170 133 We should do an Opposite Version. Better, a Liberal Version. I'm guessing three of their top 5 to take the bullet would be Christopher Columbus, George Washington or Ronald Reagan Posted by: Lincolntf at May 31, 2014 10:19 AM (ZshNr) It would be over 80% Reagan. No doubt in my mind. History, for those (D)Umbfucks, doesn't go much further back. Even the, soon to die, hippies.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (Vzj1G)

171 Wow

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (dG+q8)

172 Use the machine to find out of Mo really existed.  Pretty sure the computers in the gizmo would know how to find out. 

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:29 AM (Vhw0v)

173 1934, cure Robert A. Heinlein of tuberculosis There might be some penicillin in the BARREL.

Posted by: boulder t'hobo at May 31, 2014 05:30 AM (3kZUM)

174 Don't know if I would go back and kill someone, but I sure as hell would encourage a lot of mothers of politicians to give quite a few blowjobs instead. *** Broadway saves the day!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:30 AM (DmNpO)

175 Save George S. Patton No particular reason... I just like Patton

Posted by: Haiku Guy at May 31, 2014 05:30 AM (AwAsl)

176 How come that asshole from Orange/SD County who makes those OBL tapes never fights. He's a coward. has he been heard from since OBL bit the dust? Maybe, they made him #3? LOL

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:30 AM (27cle)

177 "Use the machine to find out of Mo really existed. " Missouri?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:31 AM (dG+q8)

178 And if we're going to go for the more mediocre/mundane, I'd tell Kurt Cobain to stay the fuck away from Courtney Love.

(and shotguns)

Maybe take some lithium or see a shrink.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Eagerly Awaiting the Warmth of Climate Variation) at May 31, 2014 05:31 AM (JS0vr)

179 I would go to the point in time when I was not in the barrel.

Posted by: Mr. Marsh at May 31, 2014 05:31 AM (aDwsi)

180 I'm thinking that if Lincoln hadn't been assassinated, maybe the aftermath of the Civil War might have looked more like the post-WWII occupation of Japan and Germany.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:31 AM (sdi6R)

181 162 Go back and cure Tim Russert so at least someone would have asked Obama a tough question before he was elected. Posted by: Craig at May 31, 2014 10:27 AM (G2C5p) You gotta be kidding. He'd have been one of the majorettes in the whole fucked up parade.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:32 AM (Vzj1G)

182 I was reading on twitter some history prof said he was in Russia and asked his guides if they Ruskies didn't resent Stalin's mishandling of Operation Barbarrosa? He said it went over like a lead balloon.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 05:32 AM (27cle)

183 175 Save George S. Patton No particular reason... I just like Patton Posted by: Haiku Guy at May 31, 2014 10:30 AM (AwAsl) An interesting thought: What if Patton had been elected president instead of Eisenhower?

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:32 AM (sdi6R)

184 Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 10:29 AM (MMC8r)

Mayor John Daly and the Chicago Democrat Machine pulled Kennedy over the line.

Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Eagerly Awaiting the Warmth of Climate Variation) at May 31, 2014 05:33 AM (JS0vr)

185 Not MO, Mo of Aisha infamy.

The Barrel has many other attributes, but repository of penicillin I doubt.

As I said up above, just think if William Jefferson Clinton's mother was sterile.  Then who do the Dems run against George HW Bush?  The likes of Jerry Brown.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:33 AM (Vhw0v)

186 If you'd eliminate LBJ, he wouldn't have pulled JFK's ass over the electoral finish line. Posted by: --- ----------------- Daly.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:34 AM (aDwsi)

187 I'd tell Teddy to run for the 2nd full term.

Posted by: Bruce at May 31, 2014 05:34 AM (vJfir)

188 "178 And if we're going to go for the more mediocre/mundane, I'd tell Kurt Cobain to stay the fuck away from Courtney Love." Family Guy did that. Stewie stops his suicide and tells him Häagen-Dazs is the answer to life's problems. He then checks his record collection and finds a recent live album where Kurt is a big fat slob. Of course that would of subjected us to another decade of gibberish lyrics.

Posted by: Vote Lord Humungus 2016 at May 31, 2014 05:34 AM (xTO7r)

189 "An interesting thought: What if Patton had been elected president instead of Eisenhower?" Probably would have gotten that whole Cold War thingy outta the way a long time ago. Whether any of us would be here, eh.........?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:35 AM (dG+q8)

190 Bitter - *fist bump*

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:35 AM (aDwsi)

191 Gardening thread up

Posted by: Vic[/i] at May 31, 2014 05:35 AM (T2V/1)

192 Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 10:33 AM (Vhw0v) I think Mo likely existed. I will say that reading the accounts of his "encounters" with the angel in the cave that started the whole thing, I am convinced he was either seriously mentally disturbed or demon influenced and/or possessed. Those accounts are seriously creepy.

Posted by: Mandy P., lurking lurker who lurks at May 31, 2014 05:36 AM (qFpRI)

193 Oh, Mohammed. I thought ya'll were talking about a rapper or something.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:37 AM (dG+q8)

194 Has anyone written a story where a time-traveler kills Hitler only to discover that the Nazis instead rose up under a competent leader and know rule all of Europe?

Posted by: Colorado Alex at May 31, 2014 05:37 AM (lr3d7)

195 know = now.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at May 31, 2014 05:37 AM (lr3d7)

196 Mandy P...  Back to the Future.

"Mo!  I am your father!  *cough*  An angel yeah!"

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:37 AM (Vhw0v)

197 And if we're going to go for the more mediocre/mundane, I'd tell Kurt Cobain to stay the fuck away from Courtney Love. (and shotguns) Maybe take some lithium or see a shrink. Why? Cobain's greatest contribution to music was pulling the trigger.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at May 31, 2014 05:38 AM (lr3d7)

198 I'm not sure killing FDR gets you away from his policies. Part of the New Deal was a response to a-holes like Huey Long. The other part was a belief that european fascism looked like the future to a lot of people- i.e.. trains run on time. Thrid part was Keynes and his a-hole theories enabled those who would rob future generations for present goodies. Everything started coming totally unhinged in the 60's. Probably stopping JFK's assignation would get you a lot of benefit. Mediocre president but, but, but- first to prove cutting taxes benefited the economy. And Dims take a more rational path. Without his assassination, you probably don't get RFK's murder or MLK's murder cuz no demonstrated instant fame for nut jobs. RFK's a nothing. Teddy's a drunken cheater kicked out of Harvard with no saintly dead bro to prop him up. If King was who he said he was, no victimology among Blacks or considerably less anyway. So, maybe no welfare to poison the developing Black middle class. Maybe Goldwater wins the next election- maybe not- but if he does America on a more prosperous path. And no Nixon hijinks to swing a lot of 60's numbskulls to the Dims and the hard left.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 05:38 AM (KBvAm)

199 Mayor John Daly and the Chicago Democrat Machine pulled Kennedy over the line. Posted by: Bitter Clinger and All That (Eagerly Awaiting the Warmth of Climate Variation) at May 31, 2014 10:33 AM (JS0vr) That was King Richard Daley, but you are absolutely correct. I hated that fucker and I really didn't even know who he was, until much later. John Daly - Power driving, booze hound, PGA dude. And a huge gambler, I understand.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:39 AM (Vzj1G)

200 To keep FDR out of politics, just make sure his case of polio is so bad he can't leave the bed.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:39 AM (Vhw0v)

201 Why? Cobain's greatest contribution to music was pulling the trigger. Posted by: Colorado ---------------------------- Cold, man..., cold. That's the only argument I got.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:40 AM (aDwsi)

202 "only to discover that the Nazis instead rose up under a competent leader and know rule all of Europe?" Funny you should say. I was watching a show last night explaining how Churchill nixed a plan in '44 to do Hitler because they thought he was his own worst enemy. Leave him alone and e'rything be just fine.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:40 AM (dG+q8)

203 198 Probably stopping JFK's assignation would get you a lot of benefit. Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 10:38 AM (KBvAm) His assignation with Marilyn? How?

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:40 AM (sdi6R)

204 I was tempted to say "Kill Robert E. Lee, the day after Antietam" (shortens the war, spares thousands, but you still get emancipation), but that's the "Kill Hitler" paradox - yes, you may reduce some level of misery, but you're still fiddling with an outcome that was a victory (albeit a painful one.)


Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 31, 2014 05:41 AM (4ckfx)

205 I don't want to garden, damnit.

Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 05:42 AM (aDwsi)

206 "I was tempted to say "Kill Robert E. Lee" You a Yankee, yes?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:43 AM (dG+q8)

207 194 Has anyone written a story where a time-traveler kills Hitler only to discover that the Nazis instead rose up under a competent leader and know rule all of Europe? Posted by: Colorado Alex at May 31, 2014 10:37 AM (lr3d7) Interesting concept. No idea. Of course, Fatherland has Nazi Germany into the 60's with the geriatric Hitler still around.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:43 AM (Vzj1G)

208 205 I don't want to garden, damnit. Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 10:42 AM (aDwsi) Me, either. This is more fun and we get to drink.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:44 AM (Vzj1G)

209 Margaret Sanger.

Posted by: Beaner at May 31, 2014 05:45 AM (8d63Z)

210 206 "I was tempted to say "Kill Robert E. Lee"


You a Yankee, yes? Posted by: Ricardo Kill

-------------

No, I just think chattel slavery is kind of fucked up.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 31, 2014 05:45 AM (4ckfx)

211 Either save Alexander Hamilton or kill Aaron Burr

Posted by: testing at May 31, 2014 05:45 AM (9R4HJ)

212 Make sure William Jefferson Clinton's father never meets his mother. I'm pretty sure that Mrs. Clinton never knew Bill's Father really well, and Bill's father probably was never formally introduced to her husband. Since I can't take a load of dynamite to the entire Frankfort School, and Rousseau is out of bounds, probably I'd like to take a baseball bat to Teddy Roosevelt to keep him from splitting the vote with his Bull Moose party and allow Taft to win over that rat bastard-racist Wilson.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 31, 2014 05:45 AM (37NI1)

213 What if Rachel Caron's manuscript for Silent Spring and where she lived were destroyed in a freak fire.  Would she bother to try and recreate it?

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:46 AM (Vhw0v)

214 "slavery is kind of fucked up." Fair enough.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:46 AM (dG+q8)

215 198 Part of the New Deal was a response to a-holes like Huey Long. Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 10:38 AM (KBvAm) There's a thought. Suppose we saved Huey Long? If he beat FDR in 1936, then America would be run by the Louisiana machine, instead of the Chicago machine after 2008. Not that I would do that. Just speculating.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:46 AM (sdi6R)

216 Interesting concept. No idea. Of course, Fatherland has Nazi Germany into the 60's with the geriatric Hitler still around. Or better yet, have time travelers from the future go back to save Hitler from an assassination attempt that in their timeline was successful. Kind of a reverse Churchill: the think that if Hitler is in power his incompetence will discredit the Nazis.

Posted by: Colorado Alex at May 31, 2014 05:47 AM (lr3d7)

217 His assignation with Marilyn? How? Heh. And ugh, stupid auto-correct.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 05:47 AM (KBvAm)

218 " I don't want to garden, damnit." I don't even want to mow my fucking yard.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:47 AM (dG+q8)

219 208 205 I don't want to garden, damnit. Posted by: Mike Hammer at May 31, 2014 10:42 AM (aDwsi) Me, either. This is more fun and we get to drink. Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 10:44 AM (Vzj1G) Thirded.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 05:48 AM (sdi6R)

220 "then America would be run by the Louisiana machine, instead of the Chicago machine after 2008. " So, all the corruption but with drive-through daquiris?

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:49 AM (dG+q8)

221 Heal Gen. Stonewall Jackson and eliminate John Wilkes Booth.

Posted by: Hanoverfist at May 31, 2014 05:49 AM (ecN6u)

222 And gator in every pot...

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:50 AM (Vhw0v)

223 Has anyone written a story where a time-traveler kills Hitler only to discover that the Nazis instead rose up under a competent leader and know rule all of Europe? "Making History" by Stephen Fry

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 05:50 AM (KBvAm)

224 That just isn't fair. If I gots a time machine I would go into the future and snag some cool weapons. Or if only backwards travel is possible (the math says so) WTF about only one round? And only one rifle. Do you have some camera and sharks with laser beams on their heads up in that time transport machine? I don't think so. Rules were made to be broken. If I could fit a tank and a warthog in there along with crates of ammo, explosives and nukes I would do. You are compromising my mission sonny (while most likely playing some sucky video game). OK, I gots 1 bullet (its a 50 BMG ) and I'm going after Soros who turned his friends and neighbors into Nazis for torture and death. If I can't find him, it's gonna be his golden boy, Nappyhead! You all know who I am, talking about. 3rd Choice ..Shrillary. I just snuck a crate of bullets in. If I get all 3, do I get extra credit and a gold star? Can I keep that time machine?

Posted by: The Walking Dude at May 31, 2014 05:52 AM (V0RG6)

225 So, all the corruption but with drive-through daquiris? Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 10:49 AM (dG+q I could live with that.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:52 AM (Vzj1G)

226 214 "slavery is kind of fucked up."

Fair enough. Posted by: Ricardo Kill

--------------

And just to be perfectly clear, I love the South (and despise bigotry against "rednecks".) Virginia, especially. The birthplace of American liberty, in spite of the too-effective propaganda of nineteenth-century Massachusetts historians.

Washington, Jefferson, Madison. It all springs from them.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at May 31, 2014 05:53 AM (4ckfx)

227 And make sure the TSA and Dept of Ed. are never created...

A hand grenade was found in carry on luggage at LAX.  And what do they mean by 'disrupted,' on disposal of the grenade destroyed would be a far better word choice.

http://tinyurl.com/mchve8a

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 05:54 AM (Vhw0v)

228 "I could live with that." I would be "better."

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:55 AM (dG+q8)

229 "It" I would be too, suppose.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:55 AM (dG+q8)

230 "then America would be run by the Louisiana machine, instead of the Chicago machine after 2008. " So, all the corruption but with drive-through daquiris? And maybe Blackened Redfish a generation earlier. I'll take it. Compared to our new Democrat, weaponized gov't corruption filled future, I'll take it.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 05:56 AM (KBvAm)

231 I would be "better." Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 10:55 AM (dG+q Agree.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 05:56 AM (Vzj1G)

232 A Coolidge save is a good call. Last true Constitutional President and all. I'd put a bullet through John Dewey. Our libraries would be less organized, true, but we wouldn't have a progressive, pervasively-erosive public school system.

Posted by: Doctor Cynic at May 31, 2014 05:57 AM (oa37h)

233 "And just to be perfectly clear" No need to clarify. Konichiwa.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 05:57 AM (dG+q8)

234 Actually that is a really good idea. Run to Bannermans and buy 100 .43 Mausers and a good 200-400 trapdoor springfields in various calibers, and then pretend to find them under the floor of an old farm house and sell 'em online.

Posted by: Kindltot at May 31, 2014 05:57 AM (37NI1)

235 And gator in every pot... *** On every grill! http://t.co/pKZbKqGclf

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 05:59 AM (DmNpO)

236 Hmmm, go back to 2 weeks before FDR's first presidential victory and use the medkit to knock Eleanor and FDR unconscious. Then plant the gun in FDR's hands and shoot Eleanor. Then beat feet back to present. Sure, the gun will have to be explained but .50 rifles did exist back then (to be sure not as sophisticated) so that shouldn't be too hard. FDR gets arrested for murder, not enough time for a new candidate or for the Democrat Party to spin or bury this and FDR never gets in.

Posted by: scr_north at May 31, 2014 06:00 AM (SXJPN)

237 Harry Hopkins. The Valerie Jarrett of the FDR administration, and very likely a Soviet agent.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:01 AM (sdi6R)

238 How about the guy that gave the Donner Party bad directions?

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:02 AM (sdi6R)

239 I'd put a bullet through John Dewey. Our libraries would be less organized, true, but we wouldn't have a progressive, pervasively-erosive public school system. Posted by: Doctor Cynic at May 31, 2014 10:57 AM (oa37h) All that would have sorted itself out without an FDR packed SCOTUS, but if given a second round and the opportunity? Bang. Dead.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:02 AM (Vzj1G)

240 >>wahts interesting is how incurious the press is about the little turd from south florida wildly disinterested in fact. where did he go to school? where are his parents? who did he hang out with? how did he get to Syria? who did he travel with? who financed him? White Privilege!!! Boom! Next?

Posted by: MSM at May 31, 2014 06:03 AM (yCMP5)

241 " How about the guy that gave the Donner Party bad directions?" The directions were fine. Wrong time of year. Don't get stuck up there in the winter.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 06:03 AM (dG+q8)

242 238 How about the guy that gave the Donner Party bad directions? Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 11:02 AM (sdi6R) Those Ponderosa brand GPS's were pretty glitchy. They should have taken that into account.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:03 AM (Vzj1G)

243 Donner Pass, first instance of not taking that left turn at Albuquerque.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 06:04 AM (Vhw0v)

244 236 Posted by: scr_north at May 31, 2014 11:00 AM (SXJPN) I like your thinking. But then we're stuck with a second term for Hoover, whose economic policies were still interventionist and would still have prolonged the Depression. Then we get Long in '36.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:05 AM (sdi6R)

245 Who is most responsible for our screwed up culture?
Hugh Hefner?
Whoever ruled religion to be out of bounds for schools?

Fix the culture and the rest may cure itself.






(oh I know I'm gonna take arrows for hating ole Hugh)

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 06:05 AM (IVgIK)

246 If Long can avoid death by extreme lead poisoning.

Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 06:05 AM (Vhw0v)

247 "(oh I know I'm gonna take arrows for hating ole Hugh)" YOU!

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 06:07 AM (dG+q8)

248 Donner Pass, first instance of not taking that left turn at Albuquerque. *** http://bit.ly/1fQuLeU

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 06:08 AM (DmNpO)

249 Who is most responsible for our screwed up culture? Hugh Hefner? Whoever ruled religion to be out of bounds for schools? Fix the culture and the rest may cure itself. **** Cosmopolitan Magazine

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 06:09 AM (DmNpO)

250 >>How about the guy that gave the Donner Party bad directions? No! Alferd Packer ate a bunch of Democrats!

Posted by: MSM at May 31, 2014 06:09 AM (yCMP5)

251 246 If Long can avoid death by extreme lead poisoning. Posted by: Anna Puma (+SmuD) at May 31, 2014 11:05 AM (Vhw0v) Well, he was considered to be a very real threat to FDR's chances for a second term. No FDR and maybe he wouldn't have gotten ventilated. Just sayin'.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:09 AM (sdi6R)

252 (oh I know I'm gonna take arrows for hating ole Hugh) Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 11:05 AM (IVgIK) No. Lotsa truth there.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:09 AM (Vzj1G)

253 Earl Warren. He did a lot of damage. The bit I most want to eliminate is Reynolds v. Sims. (If State Senate seats were still apportioned by county rather than population, much of the foolishness of the last half century would have never happened, or been severely muted.) Runners up: Braxton Bragg, prior to being appointed to run the Western theater. There's always the risk that another political crapweasel would have been appointed in his place, rather than a competent field commander, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. A.P. Hill. Without his actively engaging the lead elements at Gettysburg and calling for reinforcements, the Confederates would have stayed in their fortifications at Cashtown, winning the battle handily. (To say nothing of the speculation that he fragged Jackson at Chancellorsville.)

Posted by: Luke at May 31, 2014 06:10 AM (L24QQ)

254 Beat me to the Stephen Fry book. He doesn't kill Hitler, they put sterility drugs in the water supply of the town where his mom lived. TR wasn't shot with a .50 cal. How about just wounding Bush 41 so he can't run in 79 so we get Reagan/Kemp in 1980 and President Kemp in 88? Back to the ceremony.

Posted by: Weirddave at May 31, 2014 06:10 AM (Gx38W)

255 While I'm a proud Southerner myself, I can actually get behind eliminating Lee. Seriously: the was was never going to succeed. I think the South did much better than one might reasonably have expected on the battlefield, and it still wasn't enough. So: eliminate Lee (or at least persuade him to that the only way to reconcile his loyalty to Virginia with his oath to the Constitution is to stay home). The Southern armies are led by Joe Johnson, who was a competent professional but more than a bit of a prima donna. I'd guess the war might end sooner. Less destructive to the South, less bitterness overall, less humiliation turned to racism.

Posted by: Trimegistus at May 31, 2014 06:11 AM (wAaZ8)

256 Cosmopolitan Magazine Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 11:09 AM (DmNpO) *nods thoughtfully and grabs for never used pipe as intellectual prop* Hmmm......

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:12 AM (Vzj1G)

257 237 Harry Hopkins. The Valerie Jarrett of the FDR administration, and very likely a Soviet agent. Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 11:01 AM (sdi6R) I get him confused wtth Harry Dexter White, who was a soviet spy. They claimed he died of an "accidental" digitalis OD, but I assume it was suicide since it occurred only days after testifying before HUAC and denying he was a commie pinko asshole. Venona proved otherwise. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harry_Dexter_White#Venona_project

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 06:13 AM (27cle)

258 254 TR wasn't shot with a .50 cal. Posted by: Weirddave at May 31, 2014 11:10 AM (Gx38W) Ooh! Good point. He wouldn't have been giving no speeches after that.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:13 AM (sdi6R)

259 Margaret Sanger? Who knows who she killed that may have grown up to be important....

Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 06:14 AM (yCMP5)

260 Margaret Sanger? Who knows who she killed that may have grown up to be important.... *** Comment #259? Is this the first mention she gets?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 06:14 AM (DmNpO)

261 I think there was a couple up thread around #50, or so.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:16 AM (Vzj1G)

262 Kill: Stonewall Jackson at First Bull Run - end the Civil War in less than a year. Woody Wilson - our first fascist. Any or all of the Lefties on the Warren court, Warren included. Saul Alinsky - why not?

Posted by: formwiz at May 31, 2014 06:16 AM (3rwvI)

263 Neid- I'm not sure of the time frame but I firmly believe that Hefner's very clever sales job of selling porn wrapped in intellectual bullshit (the very Bradbury story reference on this thread along with many others first appeared in Playboy) set the stage for the downward spiral that Cosmo may just joined.

Hef begat Flynt
begat Cinemax
begat VCR porn
begat Internet porn
begat unmentionable horrors

and in between poisoned all the Cosmos and women's mags and much more.


Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 06:18 AM (IVgIK)

264 257 I get him confused wtth Harry Dexter White, who was a soviet spy. Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 11:13 AM (27cle) Check out Diana West's book "American Betrayal". Hopkins was a nasty piece of work. He may have even been giving nuclear secrets to the Soviets during WWII.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:19 AM (sdi6R)

265 Neid- I'm not sure of the time frame but I firmly believe that Hefner's very clever sales job of selling porn wrapped in intellectual bullshit (the very Bradbury story reference on this thread along with many others first appeared in Playboy) set the stage for the downward spiral that Cosmo may just joined. Hef begat Flynt begat Cinemax begat VCR porn begat Internet porn begat unmentionable horrors and in between poisoned all the Cosmos and women's mags and much more. *** Hef made it fashionable for world leaders to be seated, side-by-side, (metaphorically speaking), with a naked chick. How quaint it all now seems that Jimmy Carter had lust in his soul.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 06:22 AM (DmNpO)

266 Kinsey?

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 06:23 AM (MMC8r)

267 Hef begat Flynt begat Cinemax begat VCR porn begat Internet porn begat unmentionable horrors and in between poisoned all the Cosmos and women's mags and much more. Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 11:18 AM (IVgIK) *taps empty pipe in ashtray* Yes, I see...... *rubbing bestubbled chin thoughtfully*

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:24 AM (Vzj1G)

268 Shoot Castro?

Posted by: Bruce at May 31, 2014 06:25 AM (vJfir)

269 Do nothing during the Crash? You do know that doing nothing is what caused the Depression in the first place or at least a catalyst. If Hoover had not listened to his advisors an intervened in the bank runs the economy would not have crashed as bad and caused Hoover to then screw up by implementing bad programs.

Posted by: Alabaster Jones at May 31, 2014 06:26 AM (tMrG8)

270 How quaint it all now seems that Jimmy Carter had lust in his soul. Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at May 31, 2014 11:22 AM (DmNpO) We've come a long way, baby......... All. Wrong.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:26 AM (Vzj1G)

271 Good piece at NRO. This trans thing is important cause the liberal fascists are now demanding we affirm 2+2=5 or be called a homophobic bigot. Male and female are biological realities at cellular, genetic, chromosomal level. Yet the Left is demanding we ignore basic human biology in their World War T jihad. HotAir.com @hotairblog 30m Laverne Cox is not a woman http://hotair.com/headlines/?p=297001

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 31, 2014 06:27 AM (ZPrif)

272 269 Do nothing during the Crash? You do know that doing nothing is what caused the Depression in the first place or at least a catalyst. If Hoover had not listened to his advisors an intervened in the bank runs the economy would not have crashed as bad and caused Hoover to then screw up by implementing bad programs. Posted by: Alabaster Jones at May 31, 2014 11:26 AM (tMrG Wait...... ....did another alternative timeline intersect with our alternative timelines? Mr. Spock...evaluation?

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:30 AM (Vzj1G)

273 Kinsey deserves to be done in just for knowingly allowing pedos to continue to rape. He may even have encouraged it which is the accusation of the daughter of one such individual.

But Liam Neeson played him in a movie so it's cool.

Posted by: typo dynamofo at May 31, 2014 06:30 AM (IVgIK)

274 I tend to agree with the "save JFK" school of thought, with one added codicil. You have to save -Oswald- too, and just ensuring JFK doesn't die might or might not do it. To really put paid to the conspiracy theorizing you need him on the stand and in the papers rambling disjointedly about his beliefs and convictions. Here's my reasoning:

1) I have trouble unilaterally dispensing the death penalty based on what someone will, if nothing is changed, do , since by definition the fact that I am there means that things are changed and therefore it is no longer a foregone conclusion. Add to that the fact that as negative as the consequences of their careers might be, a lot of the names being bandied about here aren't actually guilty of capital crimes, and I'd argue pretty hard for leaving the rifle at home, at least in the context of American history.

2) As others have pointed out up-thread, a lot of the trends the thread would like to see changed, reversed, or aborted are not one-person trends. Killing the first slaveowner wouldn't end slavery, there's no one politician or academic you could take out of play (directly with a rifle OR indirectly with the medkit) in order to derail a lot of the big political or economic movements of the past and present (Keynesian-ism doesn't require Keynes, and the Progressive movement sprung from MANY sources).

3) The further back you go, the harder it is to extrapolate back forward with any sort of confidence or accuracy. There may be better candidates for single-person inflection points in American History further back, but I can't think of many, and none where I'm more confident of actually getting the result I want as opposed to some third or fourth of fiftieth option I hadn't considered.

But why JFK and not, say, Lincoln? Because the President at the end of the day is not King, and I am not confident that a living Lincoln would've had the political clout to really make Reconstruction play out significantly different. I'm not saving JFK because I think what HE does differently matters per se, though it very well may (consider for a moment how the man who actually supported many aspects of the Cold War and was an early backer of the US Army Special Forces program would react after surviving the bullet of a communism groupie). I'm saving him because of how his death affected the nation as a whole, and the mythologizing -about- him.

Posted by: Lysenko at May 31, 2014 06:31 AM (Emg+A)

275 I still stick with my theory that the CIA, LBJ, and the KGB killed JFK using Oswald as a patsy because the drug-addled Kennedy had gone insane after the Bay of Pigs and was planning a first-strike on the USSR.

Posted by: --- at May 31, 2014 10:13 AM (MMC8r)


Oh gawd, another one who never heard of Occam's Razor.  Look, boys and girls.  It's really very simple.  Loony communist Lee Harvey Oswald capped JFK in Dallas that day, all by his lonesome.  There was no "conspiracy", no "magic bullet", any of that nonsense.  Indeed, it was an easy shot for Oswald, from where he was in that building in Dealy Plaza to Kennedy's car.  Hell, he had tried to kill Gen. Edwin Walker not long before this (he admitted it to his wife, and the FBI found evidence of it in Oswald's home after the JFK killing) but missed (which just went to show what a window pane can do to one's aim). 

All of this was settled years ago.  It would have prevented a lot of this conspiracy talk if Jack Ruby had not in turn capped Oswald.  But he did and we've been saddled with "it was the FBI/CIA/Mafia/KGB/Cubans/DAR/Boy Scouts/Martians what did it" conspiracy theories ever since.  Sheesh.

Occam's Razor, boys.  Remember Occam's Razor.

Posted by: The Oort Cloud at May 31, 2014 06:31 AM (l1Nun)

276 269 Do nothing during the Crash? You do know that doing nothing is what caused the Depression in the first place or at least a catalyst. If Hoover had not listened to his advisors an intervened in the bank runs the economy would not have crashed as bad and caused Hoover to then screw up by implementing bad programs. Posted by: Alabaster Jones at May 31, 2014 11:26 AM (tMrG You've heard about the Great Depression of 1920-21? No? That's because the government basically did nothing. It was a short, sharp decline. Bad debt was flushed out of the system, insolvent businesses went bankrupt, and the economy was poised for the Roaring 20s. The same thing should have been done in 1929 and 2008. Nothing.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:31 AM (sdi6R)

277 NRO: Regardless of the question of whether he has had his genitals amputated, Cox is not a woman, but an effigy of a woman. Sex is a biological reality, and it is not subordinate to subjective impressions, no matter how intense those impressions are, how sincerely they are held, or how painful they make facing the biological facts of life. No hormone injection or surgical mutilation is sufficient to change that. Genital amputation and mutilation is the extreme expression of the phenomenon, but it is hardly outside the mainstream of contemporary medical practice. The trans self-conception, if the autobiographical literature is any guide, is partly a feeling that one should be living one's life as a member of the opposite sex and partly a delusion that one is in fact a member of the opposite sex at some level of reality that transcends the biological facts in question. There are many possible therapeutic responses to that condition, but the offer to amputate healthy organs in the service of a delusional tendency is the moral equivalent of meeting a man who believes he is Jesus and inquiring as to whether his insurance plan covers crucifixion. This seems to me a very different sort of phenomenon from simple homosexuality (though, for the record, I believe that our neat little categories of sexual orientation are yet another substitution of the conceptual for the actual, human sexual behavior being more complex and varied than the rhetoric of sexual orientation can accommodate). The question of the status of gay people interacts with politics to the extent that it in some cases challenges existing family law, but homosexual acts as such seem to me a matter that is obviously, and almost by definition, private. The mass delusion that we are inculcating on the question of transgendered people is a different sort of matter, to the extent that it would impose on society at large an obligation -- possibly a legal obligation under civil-rights law, one that already is emerging -- to treat delusion as fact, or at the very least to agree to make subjective impressions superordinate to biological fact in matters both public and private.

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 31, 2014 06:35 AM (ZPrif)

278 Note - if JFK had lived, LBJ would never have become president. Johnson got embroiled in the Bobby Baker congressional bribery scandal in 1962-63. He would probably have been replaced on the ticket in 1964, might possibly have been forced to resign the vice-presidency before that.

Posted by: Bernie GIlbert at May 31, 2014 06:35 AM (YO6qw)

279 Posted by: Lysenko at May 31, 2014 11:31 AM (Emg+A) Good. I agree. If the shooting occurs and you save JFK, as opposed to just stopping the shooting, you save Oswald and flush all the left created bullshit out.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:37 AM (Vzj1G)

280 Kinsey was a pervert. He routinely stuck a toothbrush up his urethra which caused a fatal infection.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 06:38 AM (27cle)

281 Rachel Carson - or at least provide evidence she was full of shit

Posted by: Bruce Lee's Fist at May 31, 2014 06:39 AM (M+evy)

282 Re: Trans rights being the next civil rights - this will break down society. For example, what the Houston Mayor attempted to do - make all bathrooms, gyms, showers unisex would lead to all sorts of chaos. It's like the best move ever if you are a rapist, pedophile, pervert, etc. And yeah, it would be especially bad for children - add confusion to the development of their sexual identity, no personal space, no bodily privacy = better tools of the state. http://www.americanthinker.com/2010/07/sex_and_state_power.html

Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 06:40 AM (yCMP5)

283 By the way, there's a fun game-geek podcast called "Ken and Robin Talk About Stuff" which has a semi-regular feature along these lines. It's called "Ken's Time Machine" and is about historical changes Ken Hite can bring about by getting historical figures drunk (cocktail consumption being Hite's main combat ability). A recent one looked at why Ken had to engineer the rejection of Richard Nixon's application to join the FBI (real history). Hite explains that it's because FBI Director Nixon did such a good job linking Kennedy's assassin Oswald to the KGB that war broke out between the US and USSR in 1964.

Posted by: Trimegistus at May 31, 2014 06:40 AM (wAaZ8)

284 I don't know if killing Margaret Sanger would do it, but can you imagine how different politics would have been over the past 40 years without abortion/Roe v. Wade?

Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 06:43 AM (yCMP5)

285 Kinsey was a pervert. He routinely stuck a toothbrush up his urethra which caused a fatal infection.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 11:38 AM (27cle)



One word: Autoclave

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at May 31, 2014 06:43 AM (QIVJq)

286 Come on, people, let's keep this thread going. It's my only plausible excuse not to mow the lawn.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:43 AM (sdi6R)

287 Sex is a biological reality, And now, they are trying to refute it. Who's the party of science again? *long sigh* Some boob on Facebook was trying to run that line of shit before I eviscerated him with a razor knife. Using the "science" logic, he ran away spewing invective and questioning my polish heritage. Like I really fucking care. I use polock myself all the time. We can use the "p" word. :-)

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:43 AM (Vzj1G)

288 280 Kinsey was a pervert. He routinely stuck a toothbrush up his urethra which caused a fatal infection. Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 11:38 AM (27cle) TMI. And I don't want to know which end, either.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:44 AM (sdi6R)

289 286 Come on, people, let's keep this thread going. It's my only plausible excuse not to mow the lawn. Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 11:43 AM (sdi6R) *mopping foaming beer* ^5. I know, right?

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:44 AM (Vzj1G)

290 Or better yet, have time travelers from the future go back to save Hitler from an assassination attempt that in their timeline was successful. How do we know they didn't move the bomb to the other side of the table leg?

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 06:44 AM (QupBk)

291 My pick for elimination: Eleanor Roosevelt She had the hagiography of widowhood and was a supremely ignorant and silly woman. However, in her later years, she became enamored of every single socialist and utopian fraud going. In my view, her support of the UN (even after the fiascos of the League of Nations). The gravitas of FDR's suffering widow made her an effective tool of socialism and the modern UN.

Posted by: Mustbequantum at May 31, 2014 06:45 AM (MIKMs)

292 TMI. And I don't want to know which end, either.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 11:44 AM (sdi6R

 

Kind of reminds me of the old skit from SNL - The Lung Brush

Posted by: Bruce Lee's Fist at May 31, 2014 06:46 AM (M+evy)

293 Kinda interesting show on AHC right now. Fart smucker Brit on getting out of hijacking alive. Notes to self.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 06:46 AM (dG+q8)

294 Hospitals performing dong mutilation surgery is like doing liposuction on anorexics. Yeah, they really, really believe they are fat. Because they have a mental illness. It's still unethical to perform liposuction on them.

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 31, 2014 06:47 AM (ZPrif)

295 284 I don't know if killing Margaret Sanger would do it, but can you imagine how different politics would have been over the past 40 years without abortion/Roe v. Wade? Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 11:43 AM (yCMP5) Eliminating the FDR court packing would have had the requisite trickle down effect to stop it.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:47 AM (Vzj1G)

296 Not 100% but interesting nonetheless.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 06:47 AM (dG+q8)

297 Eleanor Roosevelt She had the hagiography of widowhood and was a supremely ignorant and silly woman. However, in her later years, she became enamored of every single socialist and utopian fraud going. After she announced that she would never, under any circumstances, cross a picket line, Bill Buckley called on patriots to maintain a 24hour a day picket of her house.

Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 06:48 AM (QupBk)

298 Yes, the so-called reality based community, pro-science side refuses to admit that there a many physical differences between a men and women. Not just the naughty bits. And it's not hate that drives one to believe that a person who believes they wee born the wrong sex - to the point hat they want to radically alter their body - is a psychological problem. But the Left is determined to normalize every deviancy, and alienate all decency. To what end, I don't know....

Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 06:49 AM (yCMP5)

299 UFC has two events today -- one in Brazil, one in Berlin. First every double header of brain trauma. UFC is down from it's peak in the US a few years ago, but it's strategy now is international expansion. They accept they'll always be a niche sport, but trying to be that niche in every country on the planet.

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 31, 2014 06:50 AM (ZPrif)

300 291 Posted by: Mustbequantum at May 31, 2014 11:45 AM (MIKMs) Good point. She was also the first First Lady who had to have "causes" to promote. That started the ball rolling towards Hillarycare and Moochelle and her food nazism. I believe she had a high profile even before FDR's death.

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 06:50 AM (sdi6R)

301 Bill Ayers.

I don't think this requires any explanation.

Posted by: some guy at May 31, 2014 06:52 AM (QIVJq)

302 How do we know they didn't move the bomb to the other side of the table leg? Posted by: toby928(C) at May 31, 2014 11:44 AM (QupBk) do do do do .. do do do do .....do do do do Submitted for your approval...

Posted by: Rod Serling with a Tareyton at May 31, 2014 06:52 AM (Vzj1G)

303 Pan Am Flt 73, 1986.

Posted by: Ricardo Kill at May 31, 2014 06:52 AM (dG+q8)

304 199

King Richard is #43 Petty.

Posted by: Gov Accountability Office at May 31, 2014 06:53 AM (aUQgu)

305 Can I go back to the Pacific Northwest and kill that damn butterfly who flapped it's wings and started the chain reaction that melted to icecap and killed all the polar bears? If not, perhaps I could find the person who invented mental masturbation (e.g. this game) and just wound him a little...as a warning.

Posted by: S. Muldoon at May 31, 2014 06:54 AM (NeFrd)

306 Nood.

Posted by: Y-not at May 31, 2014 06:54 AM (zDsvJ)

307 @194 Has anyone written a story where a time-traveler kills Hitler only to discover that the Nazis instead rose up under a competent leader and know rule all of Europe? ------------------ I read a variant of that. Except that then resulted in transatlantic bombers from the US nuking the entire continent. For my choice... It's a tough one. Earl Warren makes a good target. But I guess I'm ultimately going to have to go with Joseph Kennedy Sr. Gets rid of the entire Kennedy clan in one go. No JFK, which means that LBJ doesn't get picked as Veep, which means that he stays in the Senate. Oh, and PT 109 doesn't get steered into the path of a Japanese destroyer. No RFK, for whatever that's worth. No "Lion of the Senate" accolades for a drunken, traitorous sot. No rapes at the Kennedy compound. One less drowning via vehicular manslaughter. And no stories years and years later about the supposedly glorious scions of a wonderful family from back East who never quite seem to do anything at all.

Posted by: junior at May 31, 2014 06:54 AM (HFp9x)

308 301 Bill Ayers. I don't think this requires any explanation. Posted by: some guy at May 31, 2014 11:52 AM (QIVJq) Nope. I'll do that one on the way back. Free grats. No bullet required. That little fucks eyeballs would look like Outland-ish decompression.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:55 AM (Vzj1G)

309 >>Eliminating the FDR court packing would have had the requisite trickle down effect to stop it. Good point. I was thinking Sanger because she managed to make abortion acceptable (there may be others - I'm not an expert). I mean, she was a eugenicist who today is lauded by women, some who are honored with an award in her name (Hillary, Pelosi, etc.), and many more who consider furthering her goals akin to God's work. Can you imagine the same happening for Hitler's T9 program? It's sick.

Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 06:55 AM (yCMP5)

310 Jane Fonda

Posted by: NCwoof at May 31, 2014 06:57 AM (aUQgu)

311 UFC was pretty exciting when they first got going as everyone was trying to figure out the best way to win. Now, though 90% of the matches wind-up stalemated on the mat as one guy tries to get an advantage and the other guy tries to block. It's boring. By the way, I saw some international JUDO recently, same problem. Everybody knows the best way to win and 95% of the matches are two guys holding on to each other until one guy slips up then BOOM on the mat. BOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNG.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 06:58 AM (KBvAm)

312 Posted by: junior at May 31, 2014 11:54 AM (HFp9x) If we're limited to US only, I could agree with that although I really want to alter the Wilson era completely. International, I'm sticking with Princip.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 06:58 AM (Vzj1G)

313 and many more who consider furthering her goals akin to God's work. Can you imagine the same happening for Hitler's T9 program? It's sick. Posted by: Lizzy at May 31, 2014 11:55 AM (yCMP5) The mindset behind that completely escapes me, other than planned destruction of this country. Nothing else fits.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 07:01 AM (Vzj1G)

314 311 By the way, I saw some international JUDO recently, same problem. Everybody knows the best way to win and 95% of the matches are two guys holding on to each other until one guy slips up then BOOM on the mat. BOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNG. Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 11:58 AM (KBvAm) Sounds very ghey. It's the sport of the future!

Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 07:02 AM (sdi6R)

315 By the way, I saw some international JUDO recently, same problem. Everybody knows the best way to win and 95% of the matches are two guys holding on to each other until one guy slips up then BOOM on the mat. BOOOOOOOOORRRRRIIIIIINNNNG. Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 11:58 AM (KBvAm) Judo is more art, than martial art. Kinda a shame everybody got used to fly-by-wire asskicking with the kung fu bullshit movies. Judo is a definitely a finesse form of combat, and to my way of thinking, more useful in combat.

Posted by: 98ZJUSMC Waiting for the Sun at May 31, 2014 07:04 AM (Vzj1G)

316 Sorry, I am leaving the Barrett home. I have more than a few rounds through them, and they aren't the tool for the job. Instead my Mk12 clone build, my .45 and a couple good knives, my body armor, and I am stopping by my room in Iraq in 2003 to borrow my PVS-14 from myself so I can see in the dark when needed. I'll then stop by Jonathan Ciener's shop in Florida before the ATF shut him down and get a suppressed .22 pistol.

Assuming I can only go back and not forward, and limiting myself to just one actual kill, I have SGT Dan's Grand Tour of Putting In Work.

Alexander Hamilton, then having left the staff and in command of a New York light infantry battalion, gets a pair of .22s in the cervical spine during the night assault at Yorktown then left to die of his wounds. That statist bastard would be far more likeable in a eulogy, and that way he's disposed of after Washington no longer needs him during the war.

Moving forward, Aaron Burr and James Wilkinson get clipped in such a manner that early 1800s medicine finishes them off. 200 yard 5.56mm holes to the guts with a 70 grain Barnes TSX should work nicely. That way the infections kill them and I didn't. 

I am giving serious thought to offing John Marshall before he has time to give us dictatorship of the Court in Marbury v. Madison.

I am saving my kill shot to make sure if the Civil War still happens, Lincoln survives through Reconstruction.

If I have used up my kill shot on Booth, then Wilson gets left a vegetable while still president of Princeton. No ticking time bomb of statist power there.

And assuming Kennedy ever sees the inside of the White House, the assassination crew that goes for Marilyn gets driven off in a hail of lead.

There are many other stops to make though.

Posted by: SGT Dan's Cat at May 31, 2014 07:05 AM (qT3pM)

317 Now, though 90% of the matches wind-up stalemated on the mat as one guy tries to get an advantage and the other guy tries to block. --- That's not true. You might find it boring. But it's false that 90% end up like that. You clearly don't watch it. Occasionally that happens -- at which point the ref stands them up. You can still find it boring, but most fights take place on the feet most of the time. That 90% # is just false.

Posted by: Costanza Defense at May 31, 2014 07:07 AM (ZPrif)

318 How about I save MLK Jr.?

Only if you use the medkit to deflect the bullet past Jesse's ear just enough to get him to STFU.

Posted by: DaveA[/i][/b][/s] at May 31, 2014 07:08 AM (DL2i+)

319 I think Tim Russert had to pass because he couldn't reconcile letting Scooter Libby be abused with his perception of himself as a fair and impartial guy. Russert's messed up leg during his testimony was a sign.

Posted by: Huggy at May 31, 2014 07:09 AM (VR6qI)

320 You can still find it boring, but most fights take place on the feet most of the time. That 90% # is just false. I watched it pretty often. Less so lately. The refs let them grapple on the mat a lot. Most of the fights I've seen end up that way- on the mat with a submission or point win. Maybe I've been unlucky in what I've viewed. I've seen knock outs but they've been the minority by far as of late. If you think something good is coming up, let me know. I used to like UFC quite a bit.

Posted by: naturalfake at May 31, 2014 07:20 AM (KBvAm)

321 Use the med kit to cure Breitbart. Just to see lib panties twist with angst again.

Posted by: njrob at May 31, 2014 07:27 AM (rIawt)

322 One word: Autoclave Posted by: Sandra Fluke at May 31, 2014 11:43 AM (QIVJq) Probably wouldn't have helped. He stuck in the bristly end which would have caused damage and opened a route for infections. TMI. And I don't want to know which end, either. Posted by: rickl at May 31, 2014 11:44 AM (sdi6R) Too late.

Posted by: Pug O'Mine at May 31, 2014 07:41 AM (27cle)

323 The Coolidge scenario is appealing. I'm torn between that and killing someone who made the world horrible. Saul Alinsky comes to mind, Woodrow Wilson is also tempting.

Posted by: Mark Andrew Edwards at May 31, 2014 07:41 AM (pWzW/)

324 I'd save Buddy Holly because that way no American Pie.

Posted by: WalrusRex at May 31, 2014 07:42 AM (Mogjf)

325 Very simple. Seduce Stanley Anne Dunham, marry her and move to Texas. Or maybe Wyoming.

/problems.. solved! Will be cool when it turns out that her kids go to school with the Bushs!

Posted by: Vyx at May 31, 2014 07:45 AM (25HWz)

326 Lincoln lingered on a bit, after he was shot, so I'd use that advanced medkit to treat him, just enough to where he'd make a full physical recovery. It's future medicine, it can heal gray matter, obviously. What would he have done with the peace, after the war? Would we live in a better America without the Reconstruction? Would he have kept advocating forgiveness and be remembered as something close to a saint, or become bitter and vengeful about it? Would the Southern Democrats have remained powerful, or would they have been a short-lived phenomenon in a fairer world? That's a question we'll never know the answer to, and hey. You can always shoot the guy that invented the time machine later if it doesn't work out.

Posted by: Cato at May 31, 2014 07:47 AM (J+mig)

327 Seduce Stanley Anne Dunham - Just say, "Hey, Baby, let's do it so rough Joe McCarthy will feel it."

Posted by: WalrusRex at May 31, 2014 07:48 AM (Mogjf)

328 Go back to 1964 and tell H. Beam Piper he has checks in the mail.

Reason: Selfish.  I want to read more of his stuff.

Posted by: RNB at May 31, 2014 07:49 AM (1/fQ0)

329 I like the idea of getting rid of Shrillary. Without her support / deflection, Slick Willy never gets elected Prez. A lot of things never happen that I don't want to remember. But Eleanor Roosevelt is also a very appealing target.

Posted by: Intriguing at May 31, 2014 08:05 AM (L3IiB)

330 Wouldn't matter who anyone went back to heal or to kill. History doesn't happen in isolation around an individual; that individual is merely that age's focal point for whatever crap that age is going to come up with. Absent a given individual, and plenty others are there to pick up the mantle.

Even with a different person for focal point, the events would play out largely the same. To think it would be different is to think that History builds on positive feedback, that events will get wilder and wilder out of control. Look at History, though, and eventually every extreme is contained and nullified. Not on the timeline that we'd prefer, but eventually every extreme peters out.

History is on a negative feedback governance. Ain't gonna be much different no matter what you do. At best you could slide the timeline a bit.

Posted by: I lurk, therefore I amn't at May 31, 2014 08:11 AM (ab+jQ)

331 Nope. Nope. Nope. A time-machine would only work if it were ALSO a spacecraft. Travel into the past, and the Earth has already moved on to somewhere else, leaving the traveler floating in zero gravity and freezing to death in the dark. People who travel into the future, on the other hand, will always return to Earth -- we call them meteorites.

Posted by: Clioman at May 31, 2014 08:18 AM (JBFp4)

332 I'd be tempted to bludgeon Woodrow Wilson till he was good and permanently retarded. Posted by: Vote Lord Humungus 2016 at May 31, 2014 10:08 AM (xTO7r) The stroke he suffered in late 1919 pretty much did that. Problem is, it was the last year of his Presidency, the damage was already done.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 31, 2014 08:23 AM (AHzA7)

333 "I'd kill Ted Kennedy. Without Kennedy there is no 1965 Immigration Act, which is responsible for California turning blue. And it would save the life of Mary Jo Kopechne."

Why stop there?  Why not Joe Kennedy before the boys' birth?  Takes away the Kennedy Worship Culture, LBJ would never be made president, Nixon probably would have never have had to resign, no Ford and therefore no Carter, and probably have a good chance of Reagan becoming president by 1975.


Posted by: cheshirecat at May 31, 2014 08:28 AM (YUl52)

334 Eleanor Roosevelt She had the hagiography of widowhood and was a supremely ignorant and silly woman. However, in her later years, she became enamored of every single socialist and utopian fraud going. Of course, modern day commies like to ignore the fact that she was a BIG proponent of gun rights, especially for women, and herself used to concealed carry on a regular basis.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 31, 2014 08:28 AM (AHzA7)

335 I would make Barry Sotero's mom fall for me, then she would not have time to meet his dad. Then I would go to Hamburg Germany and become buddies with The Beatles. Then I would go back in time and hang out with Curly from the 3 Stooges.

Posted by: nannyhag at May 31, 2014 08:35 AM (39IHH)

336 Wouldn't matter who anyone went back to heal or to kill. History doesn't happen in isolation around an individual; that individual is merely that age's focal point for whatever crap that age is going to come up with. Absent a given individual, and plenty others are there to pick up the mantle. I disagree with this. I'm more a believer in the Great Man Theory of history. History has no direction in and of itself. Persons move history, not people in the collective. I think men make the moment, not moments the man.

Posted by: toby928(C) Lord of the run on sentence at May 31, 2014 08:40 AM (QupBk)

337 I'd save Abraham Lincoln.

Posted by: Taco Shack at May 31, 2014 08:40 AM (C+qQ0)

338 Nope. Nope. Nope. A time-machine would only work if it were ALSO a spacecraft. Travel into the past, and the Earth has already moved on to somewhere else, leaving the traveler floating in zero gravity and freezing to death in the dark. That depends on the mechanism of travel. It would be true if you somehow teleported through time, but if you existed briefly in each moment, like in the old Time Machine movie, gravity etc would care you along with the Earth.

Posted by: toby928(C) Lord of the run on sentence at May 31, 2014 08:43 AM (QupBk)

339 and yeah, it's started to rain here driving me in from the garden.

Posted by: toby928(C) Lord of the run on sentence at May 31, 2014 08:44 AM (QupBk)

340 Kill: L. Ron Hubbard. Cure: Pat Tillman or, Kill: Christopher Columbus (toss up: or Thomas Edison) Cure: Bruce Lee.

Posted by: HMPlatinum at May 31, 2014 09:27 AM (ynV5H)

341 I would make a sacrifice of myself and eat Andrew Breitbart's breakfast bacon. Every morning.

Posted by: Minuteman at May 31, 2014 09:28 AM (HKyCl)

342 198 Probably stopping JFK's assignation would get you a lot of benefit. 203 His assignation with Marilyn? How? Never mind the one with Marilyn. You'd run yourself ragged trying to decide which assignation.

Posted by: Squints at May 31, 2014 09:34 AM (iUXoQ)

343 I'd kill Castro, so I could be working as a dealer at a casino in Havana right now.

Posted by: gewa76 at May 31, 2014 09:44 AM (k8m83)

344 Heal Lincoln so he couldn't be the source of perpetual sainthood and would be condemned to the dustbin of history as another bad statist. Shoot Margaret Sanger because she was man-ish.

Posted by: Monkeysbum at May 31, 2014 09:55 AM (KZ+oE)

345 Use the medkit to heal Stonewall Jackson. If he was at Gettysburg, the Confederates would have taken Cemetary Hill the first day and would have forced the Union to retreat...

Posted by: Raxter54 at May 31, 2014 09:56 AM (x2Z6a)

346 With the Barrett: Pre-20th century -- Kill Alexander Hamilton, or John Wilkes Booth. 20th Century: Kill Woodrow Wilson, or maybe the philosophers of progressivism -- strangle it in its cradle, to borrow a phrase. With a medkit: Pre-20th Century -- Heal Lincoln if I don't kill Booth. Sterilize Rose Kennedy. Give TR a nice dose of curare. 20th Century: A dose of syphilis for FDR. Save JFK if I didn't sterilize Rose.

Posted by: joncelli at May 31, 2014 10:21 AM (/AYWV)

347 OK, how about: kill Mary Todd Lincoln after she had Robert. Abe would be too messed up to run for office, as well as too busy raising said child. Without a strong enough leader, US kicks the slavery can down the road yet again, and Industrial Revolution makes the practice economically unfeasible. Plus, I kind of like Robert Todd Lincoln. So sue me.

Posted by: How about ... at May 31, 2014 10:31 AM (L3IiB)

348 123 Lyndon Baines Johnson Racist, cynical socialist, Dixiecrat, vicious, mean and inept as a leader. -------------------------------------------------------- Sounds just like Harry Reid to me. As to those who wanted to kill Henry Wallace, he wasn't V.P. until FDR's third term. Might be better to get rid of FDR.

Posted by: Mandatory Punishment at May 31, 2014 10:44 AM (b7Xjv)

349 I don't want to use the 50 BMG. Can i use a crossbow instead?

Seriously, I would use the medkit to heal Patton after the car crash. If he then went om to smash the commies, great, if not maybe he would have kicked more ass in Korea.
 I would go back in time to kill whatever asshole invented rap music and those stupid spinning wheels/ hubcaps. And the guy who invented mustard. I really hate mustard.

 Or would a longbow be better?

Posted by: jasonj at May 31, 2014 10:46 AM (ROlPP)

350 Woodrow-Goddamn-Wilson.

Posted by: JamesT at May 31, 2014 11:42 AM (blYjC)

351 Just rewind the clock to Feb 1959, and the place to Mason City, Iowa, and convince Charles Hardin Holley (AKA Buddy Holley) to take the bus instead of chartering an airplane in the snow. When he survives that night, we would not have 'The Day the Music Died' and therefore bypass the entire 1960's in popular music and culture. The whole world would then be a better place.

Posted by: Geekasaurus at May 31, 2014 12:03 PM (P9M3r)

352 I'd eat a bunch of burritos off of a truck, then I'd go back and take a shit in the primordial ooze. Oh wait, I did.

Posted by: TheTruth at May 31, 2014 12:07 PM (nZUWT)

353 Or kill Yoko and the Beatles stay together 10 more years at least

Posted by: Big Swingin Al at May 31, 2014 12:08 PM (OZtuG)

354 Kill Steve Jobs.
When an army of Barbarians lands on our shore, they will be met by an army of Sissies. All taking "Me at the Invasion" selfies. The only thing recognized as tragedy will be the crashing of the Facebook website.
No Jobs...
No selfies...
Fewer Sissies...
An unknown Zuckerberg marries a fat chick.....

Posted by: poteen2 at May 31, 2014 02:11 PM (N3d+g)

355 Kill Khan Noonian Singh in 1974. What?

Posted by: David Ferguson at May 31, 2014 02:23 PM (/YkQw)

356 If you want to off Progressivism, then take out Dewey.

Posted by: David Ferguson at May 31, 2014 02:25 PM (/YkQw)

357 I'd go back and teach Alexander Hamilton how to shoot.

Posted by: troyriser at May 31, 2014 05:02 PM (ptcFO)

358 I would bring back Jimmy Hendrix. He would have to play a private concert for me, "Are you experienced?"

Posted by: Jimmy Gee at May 31, 2014 05:08 PM (gM/n2)

359 I would take out the ship that brought the three socialist professors that immigrated here from Nazi Germany and, like a cancer, destroyed our American Universities.

Posted by: Jimmy Gee at May 31, 2014 05:12 PM (gM/n2)

360 If you want to off Progressivism, then take out Dewey.
What about Huey and Louie?

Posted by: kelly bundy at May 31, 2014 05:26 PM (GsmA5)

361 Dude, it's a Time Machine. I can make as many trips as I want "before the Traveller awakens." Or its batteries go dead, whichever comes first. Step one is to go back about a month and spend some time hauling it to some more secure location where nobody's going to bother me in my current timeline.

Posted by: TB at May 31, 2014 06:21 PM (8u/5i)

362 test

Posted by: Jose at May 31, 2014 07:10 PM (zc/sw)

363 A.P. Hill. Without his actively engaging the lead elements at Gettysburg and calling for reinforcements, the Confederates would have stayed in their fortifications at Cashtown, winning the battle handily. (To say nothing of the speculation that he fragged Jackson at Chancellorsville.) That'd be a hell of a trick since Hill was in the group of officers fired upon by the regiment which wounded Jackson at Chancellerorsville. I've seen at least one alternative history where Hill and Jackson exchange fates based on that coincidence... Also, there were no fortifications at Cashtown, and if they had not engaged, there probably would not have been a battle at Gettysburg.

Posted by: Mitch H. at May 31, 2014 07:53 PM (bvoPo)

364 361 Dude, it's a Time Machine. I can make as many trips as I want "before the Traveller awakens." Or its batteries go dead, whichever comes first. Step one is to go back about a month and spend some time hauling it to some more secure location where nobody's going to bother me in my current timeline. Posted by: TB at May 31, 2014 11:21 PM (8u/5i) The Traveler has a temporal link to the machine. However much time passes for him passes for the machine. You can not take the same machine into its own timeline to break that link. Satisfied?

Posted by: Weirddave at May 31, 2014 08:25 PM (QM+Ah)

365

Date: 7 September 1777

Location: The Battle of Brandywine, just after the Hessian advance

Shoot: General Sir William Howe

Treat: Captain Patrick Ferguson

 

If Howe is not around to prevent following up on the retreating Rebels (as he did historically, as well as at Manhattan, White Plains, and Valley Forge), the revolt of the American Colonies could well have ended much differently. Possible long-term outcomes might have seen Lakota Native Cavalry regiments serving Queen Victoria ...

Posted by: Andrew Cowling at May 31, 2014 11:58 PM (B5okZ)

366 In that case - I never thought I'd say this - I'd be going right after you with the med kit to cure ono.

Posted by: Roscoe at June 01, 2014 05:04 PM (Tlsnj)

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