November 30, 2004

Nice, "Respectable" Ace Ain't Working
— Ace

I've been nice and respectable now since Instapundit started blackballing me. I haven't gotten any Instalinks, and damnit, I've seen my traffic plunge precipitously.

I think it's time for Mean Ace again.

Fuck yeah. It's about that time.

Update: Right now I'm looking for someone to douche on, but I'm coming up empty. I can, however, recommend this Son of Nixon post in which he bans anyone who likes Bob Fucking Dylan from his site.

I'll catch hell for this-- I know some readers like Bob Dylan -- but I don't get it. The answer is blowing in the wind? How about a fucking catchy hook blowing in the wind? Would that be possible?

And what the fuck up with his style of singing? The man's voice changed from annoyingly whiny to full-on BrundleFly in ten years. Every time I hear this guy singing I think of Jeff Goldblum stepping out of a transporter pod with a new set of antennae sprouting off his schween.

Posted by: Ace at 11:39 AM | Comments (50)
Post contains 175 words, total size 1 kb.

1 FUCK him ... fuck fuck fuck. (we can swear, now, right?)

Posted by: Carin at November 30, 2004 11:45 AM (CECEL)

2 Ace--

Cue Hulk transformation music.

Or, better yet:


Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at November 30, 2004 11:48 AM (rV7Dk)

3 You know something, Ace. I was thinking about that yesterday as I read the site.

Ever since you switched templates, the site has seemed sort of dead. The comments threads are shorter and the entries lack the tradition acid/venom/hack and slash your way thru 80's pop culture that we all have come to enjoy.

Can we go back to the old format and old temperment? It was much more fun.

Posted by: Senator PhilABuster at November 30, 2004 11:49 AM (UHfuz)


Posted by: Sobek at November 30, 2004 11:52 AM (XwlU1)

5 Why would Insta start blackballing you? Sorry, but I'm rather new to this whole blogosphere thang.

Posted by: Rob at November 30, 2004 11:59 AM (ushkA)

6 Because I'm too "partisan" and not "high minded" enough.

He's linked MY POST three times, but through other, more respectable sites linking me. At that point, I'm like, you know what?, fuck him.

Posted by: ace at November 30, 2004 12:00 PM (5qmzg)

7 Can't say that I blame you. He does seem a little hoity-toity to me with his constant "indeed"s and "heh"s.

Posted by: Rob at November 30, 2004 12:03 PM (ushkA)

8 Fucker.

Bob Dylan does suck, but I found a use for him. It seems that whenever I'm downtown [Burlington, VT] all hammered and playing pool, and a Bob Dylan song comes on the stereo they're playing, I've found that as long as I'm singing along, imitating his super queer voice, I'm unbeatable at pool. No idea why, but I totally run the table when doing that, even if I'm really too drunk to play. WTF?

Posted by: Mark at November 30, 2004 12:05 PM (d38jD)

9 Dylan is a fucker. If you don't believe me, read Positively Fourth Street by David Hadju.

Posted by: dulce at November 30, 2004 12:15 PM (gHlHH)

10 Ace--

I don't know who you could latch onto as your enemy. I've already called dibs on Carrot Top, and John McEnroe (lonnng before Stern did-

But here's a nice start at an enemies list:
-- That ubiquitous Candidate NetZero guy-- he's in, like, ever commercial (not to mention the aforementioned hour of power, CNBC's McEnroe)
-- Better yet, that "Can You Hear Me Now?" guy
-- George Lopez, of the George Lopez Show
-- Tommy Tune
-- Mark Halperin
-- Almonds. Man, I hate those things.
-- Frank Grimes. Oops, sorry, Homer already took him.
-- Chuck Hagel. You'll be ahead of the curve on that one, get started early for 2008.
-- Why pick on the French, when you can pick on French *Canadians*; they're closer, and they look just like us but are still. . . other.
-- Allahpundit. Because he obviously can't fight back, and it'd be brother against brother, like in that Civil War Chess Set they advertise.

Speaking of Allah. . . really now, WTF? Where is he? If he gets all his site traffic back when he returns, I swear to fucking God my last blog posting will be a photo of me sticking a shiv in my eye.

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at November 30, 2004 12:18 PM (rV7Dk)

11 How does it feel?

I'll tell you how it feels, Bob - it feels like my ears are caught in a fucking cheese grater, is how it fucking feels.

Also, maybe it's time for a Johnny Coldcuts appearance in the new digs, Ace.

Posted by: mikeski at November 30, 2004 12:35 PM (pX8ld)

12 Finally, dickbag! Now, what's with the cheezy looking site? Did the garnishment of the wage come through?

Posted by: HokeMalokey at November 30, 2004 12:40 PM (5HveT)

13 This place just looks too normal lately.

And all the crap moved to the right side. Does that mean something? Like the blog is now shifting to the left? Hmmm. (Sorry, just had a Judith Spencer moment.)

Anyway, don't worry about the traffic. Everybody's busy, and the election is over.

Even Andrew Sullivan suddenly has bandwidth to spare and to cut costs has turned off one of the two fusion reactors powering his site.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at November 30, 2004 12:48 PM (jIwzQ)

14 Pray tell. What is it that Glenn has against you? Is it perhaps the overuse of "fuck" on you site to address every topic raised?

Actually, Ace, it is tiresome, but I still enjoy your basic take on Der Weltanshaaung, so kick back, check out the OED and keep on keepin'.

Posted by: Massachusetts Gothic at November 30, 2004 12:57 PM (lng1d)

15 Though he really has written some great songs like "Forever Young" Yeah Dylan sucks allright. His singing style was an attempt to mask his pathetic voice, and much of his songwriting is amatuerish and adolescent. Can you believe that Rolling Stone recently chose "Like A Rolling Stone" as one of the 20th century's most influential songs?


Posted by: 72VIRGINS at November 30, 2004 01:02 PM (dhRpo)

16 I read both you and Instapundit's (along with a bunch of others). Insty is enjoyable but I find I look forward to reading your site more. If I want serious commentary, there are plenty of respectable PRO sites to go to. If I want wit and sarcasm with my politics, I go to blogs. You don't have editors you have to report to, so why NOT speak your mind without worrying about how High-Brow you sound?

And I'm not sure about Insty's sense of humor. He recently had a back n forth with his brother as to which one of them was the Smart One and which was the Good-Looking One. After seeing their pics, I posted (at his bro's site) that they were BOTH smart...which personally I thought was pretty funny. It didn't get any response.

So you may not be the only one getting shunned.


Posted by: bbeck at November 30, 2004 01:05 PM (qF8q3)

17 Yeah. If you're gonna name your kid Dylan, at least name them after the Carl Weathers character in Predator.

Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at November 30, 2004 01:06 PM (rV7Dk)

18 " least name them after the Carl Weathers character in Predator."

Wrong guy, but I can't resist the quote:
"You're all a buncha slack-jawed faggots!"

Posted by: Sobek at November 30, 2004 01:40 PM (XwlU1)

19 Well, thank God. I mean, I don't want to interfere in your link whoring or anything, but reading Ace of Inoffensive Language is like kissing your brother.

Posted by: Kerry at November 30, 2004 02:03 PM (G8P9P)

20 Hey, let me be the first one to say that I have really enjoyed the traffic you have pushed my way Ace. You rock buddy.

Oh, and yeah, Dylan jumped the shark decades ago.

Posted by: PunditGuy at November 30, 2004 02:12 PM (o56v6)


And what the fuck happened to the happy deathcard that used to appear in the upper corner of my screen?!

What website consulting agency made that freaking recommendation!?!

"Oh Ace, you simply must get rid of that horrid deathcard thingy!"


Somebody please bitch-slap Ace back into reality, for the love of all that's holy!!!

Posted by: Nelson Muntz at November 30, 2004 02:21 PM (4Uvz9)

22 Hmm..should I stand by a musician who has left a body of work that has entertained me for years, or should I give up Son of Nixon's site.

Umm..seeya Nixon.

"I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
And just for that one moment
I could be you

Yes, I wish that for just one time
You could stand inside my shoes
You'd know what a drag it is
To see you"

The Great American Bard- Positively 4th Street.

Posted by: senator philabuster at November 30, 2004 02:51 PM (yucew)

23 There's Ace #1 who doesn't give a d!mn about anything except ridiculing stupidity and wimpiness in tones of uttermost contempt and then there's Ace #2 who wants traffic, wants ad money, wants to be liked by Instapundit, and is sick with envy of Andrew Sullivan. As far as I'm concerned, Ace #2 can go make Ace #1 a sandwich.

Posted by: Liet at November 30, 2004 03:02 PM (XFoEH)

24 Sweet. I was wondering how long you were going to drag yourself through this vanilla blogging stuff. "Itchy and Scratchy seem to have lost their edge."

But I'm not sure Reynolds is blackballing you -- he may be spreading the link love around a bit since 'lancheing you a number of times earlier. FWIW, he used to do the same to lgf, and I'm not sure it was blackballing then (though I thought so at the time)...

Posted by: someone at November 30, 2004 03:09 PM (kMRF+)

25 Ace, I agree it's time to up the ante, and get meaner...Paraphrasing Mencken, how about "Every normal man must at times be tempted to nuke those who hoist the black flag and slit innocent people's throats."

Posted by: Leonardo Kokopeli at November 30, 2004 03:16 PM (4FZwM)

26 Thank God, I was wondering if you were ever going to get back to basics. Every time you wrote about how you were cleaning it up around here a bit I got this image of a Hell's Angel stuffed into a three-piece-suit. Leave "Respectability" to those other dorks, I'll take "biker bar" over "fern bar" any day of the week.

Posted by: francisthegreat at November 30, 2004 03:36 PM (LZ2fB)

27 uh, I just bounced over to Instapundit from here and his first post links a "blowjob" at Target?? WTF Maybe his traffic is down, too. heh

Posted by: Dan at November 30, 2004 03:56 PM (tGWOL)


Oh yeah! I forgot to post this in my earlier comment.


I'm getting sick and tired of all of these former counter culture icons with their proven-failure brain dead ideologies trying to be pulled from the grave by our generation's new batch of trust-fund morons and losers. Wake up you little pricks.

Fuck Che Guevara!
Fuck Barbra Streisand!
Fuck Linda Rondstadt!
Fuck Hunter S. Thompson! (I'm sorry, but you all know somebody had to say it. He's become an embarrassment to his own glorious legacy. He seems to have forgotten one of the fundamental axioms about the "weird" turning "pro". Please wake up, Hunter.)
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! (and that's just because I like saying "fuck" so much).

Posted by: Nelson Muntz at November 30, 2004 04:10 PM (4Uvz9)

29 Also, Fuck Ace#2 while he's making Ace#1 a sandwich!

Posted by: Nelson Muntz at November 30, 2004 04:24 PM (4Uvz9)

30 Welcome back, Ace.

(Odub hath no fear like a rejuvenated AoS)

Posted by: sonofnixon at November 30, 2004 04:25 PM (Ibxm6)

31 Its Hippie bashin' time! Oh Fuck yeah!
No more TV version wussie bleeped out South Park Ace O Spades. We're back to Bigger Longer and UNCUT!
Uncle Fucker!

Posted by: Iblis at November 30, 2004 04:28 PM (eNQLo)

32 SenatorPhilabuster

Positively 4th Street.

Good one.

And, Ace, bro', I too, miss the old web site look and feel, especially the AceofSpades calling card.

And yes, all that "mad money" and the Ducati and Paula Zahn were so close...


But, it is your blog, so do whatever you feel is right.

As for Robert Zimmerman, um, he's a genius, a mad, inconsistent, unlikeable and totally unsympathetic one, but a genius nonetheless.

Props out to him.

In the empty lot where the ladies play blindman's bluff with the key chain
And the all-night girls they whisper of escapades out on the "D" train
We can hear the night watchman click his flashlight
Ask himself if it's him or them that's really insane
Louise, she's all right, she's just near
She's delicate and seems like the mirror
But she just makes it all too concise and too clear
That Johanna's not here
The ghost of 'lectricity howls in the bones of her face
Where these visions of Johanna have now taken my place

Posted by: MeTooThen at November 30, 2004 06:29 PM (ng+zE)

33 As long as there are D&D jokes and cowbells a plenty, you can be as nice as you wanna be. Or as nasty.

But I kinda liked the old template better. It wasn't broke, so why fix it?

Posted by: See Dub at November 30, 2004 09:13 PM (PUZhO)

34 I'm not a real fan of Dylan...and I was blackballed long before you. I think we should start a support group. Of course, we'll have to have sex first.

Posted by: Da Goddess at November 30, 2004 10:33 PM (59LyI)


Dylan, shmayyiilllaannn....

Bring back the death-card icon-type of thingy on the top of my screen!

I've already off'd the whole administrative staff of that lame-ass website "design" consulting firm, and I'm not afraid to come right after that poser rat-bastard Ace#2 who's responsible for all this!

I don't give a good goddamn what kind of sandwiches he makes.

...even if they are smoked turkey with ranch dressing and salad peppers.

Posted by: Nelson Muntz at December 01, 2004 12:11 AM (4Uvz9)

36 Da Godess nailed it - more cowbell!

and Dylan suxxors.

Posted by: seahay58 at December 01, 2004 02:34 AM (eGw+M)


I'm so happy.
You are way good enough to be yourself.

Posted by: lauraw at December 01, 2004 04:53 AM (jtT7f)

38 to paraphrase Abraham Lincoln: "Ace, you incredible pussy!"

Wait...that may have been an SNL skit... but you get my point.

Posted by: krakatoa at December 01, 2004 05:38 AM (bcmCN)

39 I dunno, don't read Instapundit and never really have to any great extent. I do note, though, that Powerline is starting to get a big head over Rathergate and all the publicity that's hit him, Insty, and LGF over it. Half their blog articles mention it these days, and I don't read Powerline anymore because of it. Fame corrupts.

I wonder if that has anything to do with it? I've noticed that Charles at LGF has no such problem.

Posted by: Stormcat at December 01, 2004 06:28 AM (F2N1M)

40 Ace, I've seen my traffic plunge precipitously.It's b/c you killed Johnny Coldcuts. Heh.

Posted by: at December 01, 2004 06:53 AM (yHxMk)

41 Ace me boy, if you want Insty traffic, the best way to do it is to continuously disparage and insult Reynolds. It's worked for OChub for years.

Partisan hack? Unnecessary vitrol? Shit, the Chubster gets a link for doing just that.

Be true to yourself, man.

Posted by: hobgoblin at December 01, 2004 07:43 AM (2da3S)

42 Bob Dylan? Not sure if crunching his numbers is going to help your stats out much Ace

Posted by: m a r t i n @ b l o g b a t at December 01, 2004 02:23 PM (0ebeR)

43 Bob Dylan hasn't an ounce of talent. His voice is absolutely horrible and his lyrics are utterly childish. It amazes me that people see him as a legend. This is a guy who found a niche in the 60's and people have elevated him to legend status since. I mean, this guy couldn't get a job singing at a Holiday Inn based upon his talent if he were to start out today. Without a doubt, the least talented celebrity in the world. Another example of the mindless masses following along like sheep.

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