May 30, 2007

Newsweek Stupid: Beta Males Triumphant (I Mean, Just Look At Jim From The Office!)
— Ace

And we're losing a war! Yayyyy! Beta males rule!!!

Women in journalism really ought to avoid dopey articles like this if they don't want to be stuck in the Fluff Ghetto and News You Can Use Slum.

On the other hand, maybe Jennie was forced to write this silly little queef of a "story" by a patriarchal editor. In which case, Newsweek is disgustingly sexist and should be subject to an immediate, wide-ranging examination by outside experts.

I'll buy that.

... the new movie star looks less like Colin Farrell than Will Ferrell. Or Steve Carell. Or Jon Heder. Or, if he's animated, Shrek or Homer Simpson. The testosterone-pumped, muscle-bound Hollywood hero is rapidly deflating—this summer, Bruce Willis is the last he-man standing. Taking his place is a new kind of leading man, the kind who's just as happy following as leading, or never getting off the sofa. "He's a guy who isn't concerned with status," says Justin Spitzer, a writer for TV's "The Office." "He's more concerned with getting through the day and not engaging in a pissing contest with the alpha males around him." It makes sense that our culture is embracing the mojo-free man right now. As America comes to terms with our diminished omnipotence in the wake of 9/11, the Iraq War and President Bush's international unpopularity, we're growing weary of Teflon-coated John Wayne stereotypes of masculinity. Donald Rumsfeld, Ken Lay, Mel Gibson, Don Imus—all chest-beating, leader-of-the-pack men, and look what happened to them. The alpha dog doesn't hunt anymore. The new role model is a beta male.

Her evidence for all of this is, need I remind you, TV shows and movies. Furthermore, they're comedies, where absurdity and unlikely triumphs are the coin of the realm.

But, as Otter (a definite alpha male) said, "Never mind, [she's] rolling."

Let's skip a bit as she digests the past two seasons of The Office, claiming Jim "turned down" a corporate promotion. (He didn't -- or at least that wasn't in the episode. What seems to have happened is that he was discombobulated during his interview by a note from his eternal crush, Pam, which wound up tanking him.)

Also, let's not notice that on the real -- British, original -- Office, the "Jim" character is a real beta who turns down even minor promotions which pay more money just because they don't want him. In the American version, Jim is much, much more alpha, who both takes promotions and is one of the firm's best salesmen -- apparently the Office's producers figured American viewers would never take to an honest-to-goodness schlub and slacker.

Stephen Colbert's puffed-up pundit character on "The Colbert Report" also lampoons self-important blowhards. The show takes the joke a step further in a biting segment called "alpha dog of the week"....

The obligatory genuflecting at the altar of Colbert. Let's see if we can get one more liberal cliche in and work Al Gore into this.

Then there's Al Gore. During the 2000 election, the press seized on the conceit that Gore was too eager to please, too deferential, too indecisive. Today Gore is still the proto beta male—the on-again-off-again beard, the belly, the deference to Tipper—but he's also having the last laugh as a movie star, an ecosavant, a best-selling author and a potential dark-horse presidential contender....

There you go.

So, now that alpha-ness has been diminished in importance, that means we can all start eating Funions and playing XBOX all day, right?

Alas, no. For one half of the population -- as usual -- a woman's work is never done:

Still, alphas aren't totally over. Women still have to prove their alphaness—look at Hillary Clinton, Condoleezza Rice and Nancy Pelosi—even though the guys have given it a bad name.

Uh-huh.

Anyone think that Newsweek reporterette Jennie Yarbroff is herself a fan of beta males, by the way?

Or is she more like Maureen Dowd?

Thanks to Sinistar.

A Newsweek Specialty: Newsweek's male editors seem to delight in assinging female reporters to "I can't believe this twaddle got published" non-stories. Like this ridiculous piece finding out that real criminal forensics is only slightly similar to that portrayed on CSI.

Posted by: Ace at 11:55 AM | Comments (48)
Post contains 723 words, total size 5 kb.

1 He didn't -- or at least that wasn't in the episode.

If you watch stuff like that, it makes you a gamma male, at best. Now could you please close that damn italic tag?

Posted by: JSinger at May 30, 2007 12:00 PM (EqFh0)

2 Aiiieee! The italics!

Posted by: nnptcgrad at May 30, 2007 12:01 PM (bh0xs)

3 You betas get Funyuns and Xbox!

Crap! All we gammas get are Tom's Peanuts and Monopoly.

Posted by: Brave New Male at May 30, 2007 12:04 PM (q9jq7)

4 Wow!  To think I let my Newsweek subscription lapse back in `1995 and I'm missing all the insightful articles like this.

teh only way I's subscribe to Newsweek or Time again is if every issue came with an artificially-constructed but hypernatural vagina.



Posted by: Kasper Hauser at May 30, 2007 12:06 PM (KeOQp)

5 If you are really ambitious, you could become a master beta.

Posted by: bmac at May 30, 2007 12:09 PM (iKVT4)

6 The author seems to have forgotten all about 300, which was a huge amount of alpha male beef cake.  Just yummy.

Posted by: LR at May 30, 2007 12:09 PM (L+AiS)

7

Huh.  I must admit I did NOT realize they still published Newsweek.


Sounds cute and quaint, kind of like an Old Farmer's Almanac but for useless half-informed pseudo-intellectual losers.


Posted by: Rocketeer at May 30, 2007 12:15 PM (GFaLW)

8 Anybody who dicks with people as much as Jim isn't a beta male.  I seem to recall him kicking Roy's ass in a basketball contest too.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at May 30, 2007 12:17 PM (pzen5)

9 Do people with functioning brains actually read Newsweek?  Proof, please.

Posted by: someone at May 30, 2007 12:19 PM (LS1TS)

10 This reminds me of the equally worthless Impact of Star Wars, or something, that was on discovery.  They spent 1 minute discussing han solo and maybe 5 minutes of people going all girl power of Princess Leia.  It was like VH1's we love the 90's, only they got nancy pelosi and Linda Ellerbie (who?) to talk about how democracy dies whenever a politician uses executive power. or something.

crazy talk. 

Its nice that the reporterette was able to con her way into writing an article based on her TV viewing habits.  I think Time magazine's next cover story is going to be "What I did on my Summer Vacation."

Posted by: joeindc44 at May 30, 2007 12:19 PM (za2Xz)

11 I'm ever so glad I'm not a beastly Delta. All they do is work while we Betas have so much more fun.

Kasper:
My Dad got me a several-year subscription to Newsweek about 10 years ago. It lapsed after a time, but man, I hate that magazine.
And if anyone can tell me the difference between Time and Newsweek (in terms of content) I'll toss Rosie's salad after she's eaten two Philly cheeseteaks.  They're the same fuckin' magazine! It's not a case of "Well, Entertainment Weekly is more media-oriented and People is more showbiz gossip-oriented and they share some content." Newsweek and Time are the exact same magizine! Newsweek has "Periscope" and Time has "Overheard." They both have some crap column written by a C-list pundit at the back every week. Newsweek has Anna Quindlen and Time has, I don't know, some shrill middle-aged twist with more time than brains.  They do the same stories, with the same point of view, have the same cartoons (albeit by different authors, but with the same message) and on and on. I would wipe my ass with Newsweek but that glossy paper is a bitch on the old 'roids.

Posted by: Beppo at May 30, 2007 12:21 PM (hBAQy)

12

http://www.mailonsunday.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?in_article_id=458563&in_page_id=1879


Why?  Anyone?  Why create controversy where it really doesn't exist? 


Oh, because that's what the press does. 


Can I say, I'm sick to my ears with this "gender studies" bullshit.


Posted by: Monica at May 30, 2007 12:23 PM (rFLG5)

13 I can't believe I read that article.  I could have been emptying the dishwasher, or maybe pipe-cleaning my urethra.  Something else.

Posted by: tachyonshuggy at May 30, 2007 12:25 PM (8WlSy)

14 Because I just can't help myself:

"Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because
they're so frightfully clever. I'm awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I
don't work so hard."

Don't even get me started on those gammas and epsilons.

Eh? Newsweek's a beta magazine; so is it any wonder that they would print articles extolling the virtues of being beta.  I'm sure right now Forbes is printing an article on the virtues of being an alpha and People is printing one on the how wonderful it is to be a gamma. Fox and the CW are probably packing their lineups with shows about the glories of being deltas and epsilons.

Posted by: robert at May 30, 2007 12:29 PM (6VFW4)

15

We went through this 'Alan Alda sensitive male' stuff thirty years ago and it got dropped because it was boring.  And IIRC, Col. Potter was no beta-male, no Welcome mat.  Anyone on the show who tried that got the message pretty quick.


Interesting that all of this 'beta-male' bleating deals with fictional characters, not real-life.  I'm sure this reporter has no ambition or drive, and neither do her editors.  And the CEO of that company she works for?  Probably a dithering teddy-bear.  Fiction is a mirror to reality, and a rather poor one at times.  It isn't reality at all, and someone ought to remind her of that.


Posted by: Mikey NTH at May 30, 2007 12:32 PM (TuKBW)

16 "Eh? Newsweek's a beta magazine; so is it any wonder that they would print articles extolling the virtues of being beta.  I'm sure right now Forbes is printing an article on the virtues of being an alpha and is printing one on the how wonderful it is to be a gamma. PeopleFox and the CW are probably packing their lineups with shows about the glories of being deltas and epsilons."

Very clever, actually.

Posted by: someone at May 30, 2007 12:33 PM (LS1TS)

17 Mikey, if you want to look at it seriously, Ace nails it to start:

"Furthermore, they're comedies, where absurdity and unlikely triumphs are the coin of the realm."

Jack Bauer -- not the guy on the Office -- is still the iconic TV character.

Posted by: someone at May 30, 2007 12:35 PM (LS1TS)

18 This thread needs more Jennie Lee.

Take that you beta bitches.

Posted by: malphonse at May 30, 2007 12:36 PM (p1s9n)

19 Let's hear it for the mojo-free Leonidas.

Posted by: Penn State Marine at May 30, 2007 12:46 PM (UK1DK)

20

Newsweeks' next headline " Hooray, We're Pussies!"


 


 


This is why I think my sons may take over the world.


Posted by: captkidney at May 30, 2007 12:50 PM (cb2+E)

21 The London Times is also great for twaddle like this (and so are the comments).  Every few days there's a piece; some of the funniest stuff I read on the web.



Posted by: someone2 at May 30, 2007 12:53 PM (KDXpw)

22 It makes sense that our culture is embracing the mojo-free man right now. As America comes to terms with our diminished omnipotence in the wake of 9/11, the Iraq War and President Bush's international unpopularity, we're growing weary of Teflon-coated John Wayne stereotypes of masculinity.

And who the fuck made that determination?

Posted by: ahem at May 30, 2007 01:06 PM (7V89X)

23 And who the fuck made that determination?

Sounds like a bit of projection, doesn't it?

Posted by: X_LA_Native at May 30, 2007 01:16 PM (Cl7j6)

24 <blockquote>Today Gore is still the proto beta male—the on-again-off-again beard, the belly, the deference to Tipper—but he's also having the last laugh as a movie star, an ecosavant, a best-selling author and a potential dark-horse presidential contender....</blockquote>

Al Gore is a full-time drunk.

Posted by: white label at May 30, 2007 01:23 PM (uaWKk)

25 I want more alpha male images on the screen. If there were more, i would watch more. Beta males suck. They only get to win in ridiculously contrived romantic comedies, and not-so-romantic comedies. (Beta males screw hot pies, alpha males screw hot women.) Beta males also are the first ones to get carved up by psycho killers or eaten by the zombies. Who wants to cheer for betas? Bring on the alphas, the real men & real heroes!

Posted by: exdem13 at May 30, 2007 01:24 PM (I4jEf)

26 Epsilonz ru7e!!!!

R u 2 jelass ov my hawt poooter?????

steeeel not melt never.

i
go
maak
tortiyas!

Posted by: Rosie O'Donnell at May 30, 2007 01:26 PM (AOEPL)

27 Hang out at a bar and see how the alphas are doing relative to the betas. Wait until 2 or 3 or 4am and see which ones the women choose. HINT: They're not leaving with any Newsweak-reading pussy beta males unless they've already been rejected.

Posted by: Nom de Blog at May 30, 2007 01:26 PM (gxYF3)

28

someone - I read the post and the article.  I just thought I'd say it again, from the perspective of a man who was a teenager during the last blooming of this misguided idea, the ill-begotten and accursed 1970's.


Note: this article is from a woman, one who probably wants a male who will give her a pedicure while she's on the phone with the man that will actually be in her bed that night.


I think Ace did a 'date-rant' thing a year or so ago in response to some guy who was fed up with being an 'emotional tampon' for a hot girl who kept guys like him in tow to cry on when she got dumped by her latest.  "No one wants to be courted by a buffoon" was a quote in that rant, IIRC.


Posted by: Mikey NTH at May 30, 2007 01:35 PM (TuKBW)

29 Something tells me that if all the leading Democrat Presidential candidates weren't such Godawful pussies, Newsweek wouldn't have run this article.


Posted by: Trimegistus at May 30, 2007 01:45 PM (u/MyY)

30 I, for one, base my personality on what I think Ken Lay and Don Imus would do.

Posted by: Mike at May 30, 2007 01:58 PM (NnpEK)

31 Beta males is another way of saying bottom boys.  For the sake of Jack's stomach, I am of course referring solely to trannies...

Posted by: John at May 30, 2007 02:00 PM (QC96i)

32 John Wayne my ass, I'm thinking Lee Marvin.

Favorite Lee Marvin joke: You know, they had to take that Lee Marvin toilet paper off the market. It was too rough, too tough, and wouldn't take shit off anyone.



Posted by: IllTemperedCur at May 30, 2007 02:04 PM (tVbxd)

33 Don Imus—all chest-beating

Uh, Imus probably goes 145 pounds and he's exactly the type of male I can't stand. All mouth.

At least Bruce Willis shoots people in his movies.

To say this article is a joke is being kind.

Posted by: Jay at May 30, 2007 02:39 PM (dsEXO)

34 There are alpha males on "The Office".  Oh, yes.  There are such males present..

Posted by: Dwight Schrute at May 30, 2007 02:54 PM (1Z8Ew)

35

You want an Alpha male actor-http://www.pbs.org/memorialdayconcert/wwii/durning.html


That there is an Alpha male.


Posted by: captkidney at May 30, 2007 03:41 PM (cb2+E)

36

Sorry it didn't make a link but it's worth a quick copy and paste.


Posted by: captkidney at May 30, 2007 03:42 PM (cb2+E)

37 Hmm ... so Jack Bauer on 24, Dennis Haysbert on the Unit, Mark Harmon on NCIS, Gary Sinise on CSI: NY, Anthony LaPaglia on Without a Trace, and of course ....

DAVID CARUSO !!!! on CSI: Shades of Justice are all beta males.

[takes off shades, whispery voice]Beta males should concern us all, Ace.[puts shades back on, turns three quarters profile to camera, grim and serious look]

This is a load of crap. Voters aren't going to pull the lever for the Shrillary, or Silky Pony, or empty suit Obama. It'll be someone like Rudy or Fred. And the problems with Hollywood's leading men on the big screen boils down to one simple thing.

Too many gay producers/casting directors.

Seriously. Who the heck made Bad Pritt a leading man? Cause I sure as hell wasn't consulted. Tobey Maguire? Orlando Bloom? Johnny Depp? George Clooney?

No, beta males are not in fashion, and never will be. Hollywood's biggest problem is that there is no replacement for Bruce Willis on the movie screen. Typical feminist drivel.

Posted by: Jim Rockford at May 30, 2007 03:50 PM (4878o)

38 There was a great run of beta males posting here after their sockpuppet sorceror pointed them in this direction.

Why aren't they posting in this thread to proclaim their Newsweek-reported triumph? After all, they can't claim it in the matter of Flappy.

Cordially...

Posted by: Rick at May 30, 2007 04:17 PM (Ohkx7)

39 Donald Rumsfeld, Ken Lay, Mel Gibson, Don Imus—all chest-beating, leader-of-the-pack men



Ken Lay and Don Fucking Imus are alpha dogs?  When did that
memo get sent out?  Ken Lay was one of those ruthless rich
dickheads that considered a  total lack of ethics and
responsibility to be macho;  and Imus is a skinny loud mouth who
talks a big game and couldn't fight his way out of a fog patch. 



And lady, American lead actors suck precisely because they are
transparently not alpha dogs.  Excepting the Aussies, there are no
new Steve McQueens or Lee Marvins anymore.  Some hack is probably
going to remake The French Connection with Orlando Bloom for Christ's sake.

Posted by: UGAdawg at May 30, 2007 04:24 PM (enHsG)

40 Tobey Maguire? Orlando Bloom? Johnny Depp? George Clooney?

I've got chunks of these beta-males in my stool

Posted by: Frank Sinatra at May 30, 2007 04:37 PM (hp0Gj)

41 Sose, which onna youse babes wantstabe a Beta Tester, huh?

Posted by: Lokki at May 30, 2007 05:08 PM (zFvQk)

42 Newsweek's male editors seem to delight in assinging female reporters to "I can't believe this twaddle got published" non-stories

Well, I need something to line the cat litter pan.

Posted by: cheshirecat at May 30, 2007 05:29 PM (YWoDC)

43 Hang out at a bar and see how the alphas are doing relative to the betas. Wait until 2 or 3 or 4am and see which ones the women choose. HINT: They're not leaving with any Newsweak-reading pussy beta males unless they've already been rejected.

What I call, Saturday night!

Posted by: cheshirecat at May 30, 2007 05:35 PM (YWoDC)

44

I think I am going to skip the crappy movies with beta-slacker-loser characters and watch some UFC along with every other 18-35 yr old male.  I have lost interest in American culture all together.


 


If the womyns studies girls are not going to get a real degree when they go to college they should just stay home and learn to cook.  If you are a man and you embrace being a fucking pussy you deserve to spend your time with stupid cunts like Jennie.  


Posted by: mike at May 30, 2007 06:46 PM (/InkS)

45 They're basing this approval of beta males on a TV season that lost over 2.5 million viewers and a summer movie season that's "underperforming..."

Posted by: richard mcenroe at May 30, 2007 08:18 PM (lCheg)

46

Beta males...


Yeah, the media and hollyweird are celebrating the beta male, because that's who they are.


Hey Leonardo, is there a reason you find affinity with Al Gore??


Metrosexuals like these can kiss my ass.


They are the embodiment of the pussification of the USA.  Of course they don't support the Troops.  The Troops actually have courage.  Courage is anethema to these milquetoasts.


Posted by: Uncle Jefe at May 30, 2007 08:24 PM (iBgga)

47

Something tells me that if all the leading Democrat Presidential candidates weren't such Godawful pussies, Newsweek wouldn't have run this article.


This is exactly on the money.  This is about the media telling the American people that, despite every single fiber in their beings telling the differently, they really want a pussified President.


Posted by: Steve L. at May 31, 2007 05:41 AM (hpZf2)

48

I watched The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence last night and Lee Marvin seemed totally gay in it. Dressed to the nines and beating guys with with silver-handled whip? Come on.  John Wayne topped his sissy ass.


Marvin seemed pretty gay in The Wild One too. 


Posted by: Beppo at May 31, 2007 07:37 AM (Ka5Jh)

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