October 31, 2006

More John Kerry "Misinterpreted Jokes"
— Ace

Knock, knock.

-- Who's there?

Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children.

-- Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children who?

Our soldiers are terrorizing women and children and dragging them out of their homes in the dead of night.

-- I don't get it.

Don't question my patriotism. I served, reluctantly, in Vietnam.

(rimshot) tsssssss


A man walks into a bar wearing a pig on his head.

"Why did you bring that thing in here?" the bartender asks.

The man says, "Because our troops in Vietnam raped, committed murder, chopped the ears off civilians, chopped the heads off civilians, blew up bodies, mutilated bodies, and poisoned catttle and crops."

"No, I was talking to the pig," the bartender says.

The pig smiles and says, "They also ravaged and pillaged in a way reminiscent of Jenjis Khan."



A Jew, a black Baptist, and a Catholic walk together to the Pearly Gates of Heaven.

"How did you die?" the Jew asks the Catholic.

"In Iraq," the Catholic says. "I was too stupid to do anything but serve in our army of morons."

"Same here," says the black Baptist. "I wished I'd stayed in school so I could have done something more worthwhile with my life than serve in the United States Armed Forces."

The Jew thinks about this, then smiles. "It's okay, you died for Israel," he says. "And by the way, we blew up the World Trade Center."

(slide whistle) whooooOOOOOOP!

Question: Apparently now Kerry people have produced a supposed printed version of the "joke" as it was supposed to be delivered. That means nothing. If Democratic operatives can fake up "1972 Texas Air National Guard" documents, it's pretty easy to open up Microsoft Word and produce a "joke" as it was "intended to be delivered." After the fact.

So here's the question:

Politicians repeat themselves all the time. Is there any example of John Kerry delivering this "joke" as it was "intended to be delivered" in the past?

Veterans Express Disbelief: How dare they question him, these stuffed suits who never wore the uniform of the country.

Oh wait, they did wear the uniform of the country?

Well, then, they're stupid and uneducated. So who cares about their opinion?

Posted by: Ace at 01:06 PM | Comments (31)
Post contains 383 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Hehehe, Nice and bitter. I like it...good jorb Ace!

Stupid Kerry.

Posted by: Sinistar at October 31, 2006 01:11 PM (fzmgK)

2 Brilliant. That's the quality AOS stuff I come here for.

Posted by: DKshideler at October 31, 2006 01:17 PM (bDAFL)

3 ba-dum-dum

It's Ba-dum-BUM

It's all about accent.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 31, 2006 01:18 PM (QTv8u)

4 I'm trying to come up with how the 'botched joke' was supposed to be, but no matter how I fold, spindle and mutilate, I get nothing.

Posted by: CUS at October 31, 2006 01:20 PM (bbXZq)

5 Election was ours.
Teresa says I screwed up.
Damn—no sex tonight!

Posted by: thinker at October 31, 2006 01:20 PM (KwhCz)

6 Jim Geraghty reminds of a few more...but Geraghty's observation of this pretty funny:

Jon Stewart: So. Every time I put ketchup on my hamburger, do you get a nickel?

John Kerry: Would that it were, Jon, would that it were.

"...it's the perfect stilted, stiff, Brahmin style. "I wish," would suffice; instead, he has to sound like he's quoting Shakespeare."


Posted by: topsecretk9 at October 31, 2006 01:21 PM (k7vzR)

7 A Zoomie a Doggie and a Jarhead aren't raping a pre-adolescent zipperhead (stick with me on this)

"You should totaly rape her, that would be great for my book and congressional testimony" says the navy officer.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 31, 2006 01:27 PM (QTv8u)

8 I love this.

If there was one Dem they should have bound and gagged for the next week (in addition to Dean) it was this buffoon.

Every time he opens his mouth, he makes it worse.

His righteous indignation on full display, he starts his explanation today with, "I apologize to no one!".

What a jack-off.

Posted by: Rosetta at October 31, 2006 01:31 PM (CTqCo)

9 Can I get me a nice big glass of shut-the-fuck-up here?

Posted by: John Kerry at October 31, 2006 01:33 PM (CTqCo)

10 The good and honorable PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, is at his best.

He hasn't been this good since he stood on that fucking car in NY and challenged the jihadis.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 31, 2006 01:36 PM (QTv8u)

11 Sure, you can have that nice big glass of shut-the-fuck-up right after this can of whoop-ass.

I'm feeling better. I think I might have come back on the reservation after the last few weeks of crazy.

Posted by: Francase at October 31, 2006 01:37 PM (eRsMQ)

12 GW just slammed Kerry: "Kerry's remarks are insulting and shameful, the men and women in the military are plenty smart and plenty brave. Kerry owes them an apology. The men and women in the military deserve better."

I'm guessing the junior terrorist from Mass. will not comply.

Posted by: mesablue at October 31, 2006 01:39 PM (DzeyU)

13 Silence racist hick rethuglican christianists!

Are you a moron who's opinion doesn't matter? Or are you a chickenhawk who has no right to an opinion?

Choose wisely.

Posted by: Entropy at October 31, 2006 01:43 PM (Uh5fR)

14 I'll take 'What the hell is Kerry smoking, crack or something?' for $500, Alex.

Posted by: Cautiously Pessimistic at October 31, 2006 01:47 PM (JKlMI)

15 I'm feeling better.

I agree. If we can get people laughing at this asshole collective over the next few days, that should be worth a few more seats for the good guys.

This last week should be nothing but ads showing footage of the Democratic party leaders saying the idiotic things they've said over the last several years.

With a laugh track.

Posted by: Rosetta at October 31, 2006 02:05 PM (CTqCo)

16 Don't get too comfortable.

If the Dems demand that the GOP stop "attacking" Kerry, the GOP will stop.

Posted by: Bart at October 31, 2006 02:08 PM (NLHEK)


Matthews just said that only people who flunk out of school join the military.

Newsflash, there are VERY limited allowances for people who don't have direct highschool diploma's to enlist in the military. I'm a Highschool dropout, the reason I was allowed to join the Marine Corps, is because I got an (I hate this title) "einstein" award for being the top score in the state.

I didn't wanna join under such a simple loophole, so I attended university, 18 credits in a single semester or 2 years of full-time college, I went for 18 credits, under an engineering background (which actually works out to something like 28 hours cuz of all of the bullshit lab hours, at purdue university, though I attended a sattelite, but that sattelite must adher to the home schools standards) I worked full time (and on weekends, the story about how I became "wickedpinto" overlapped with this particular experience)

While in university, my best friend came home from a reduced tour in schweinfert (spelling?) and he was on his way to macedonia. He said he heard that people of "particular talents" are accepted damn near no matter what.

I went into the recruiters office and I did
the BS test test, and he told me to join the AF, I said, "if I was gonna join the AF, why would I be here? (I'm that kinda guy)" he told me he only had an open test in the city for the next day, and I said coool. I went up to MEPS, I took the tests, I went through the process, but I didn't sign right then. I found out later that I had a 97 or 98, I lean towards 98, cuz my brother was 97, AFQT.

That means that less than 3 or 4 percent of the american population is expected to do as well as I.

I was notified weeks later that the Marines would accept me for open contract, (open contract means I don't get to pick my job, I join, and whereever I land is where I land) and I missed 3 of my finals to enlist in the Marine Corps.

I was uneducated, in fact, I still am, I'm VERY uneducated, I know shit, but I don't know nearly enough to be "educated," but based on my scores, when I left boot, and MCT, I didn't become a COOK, which is the common joke that Matthews obviously believes is true, I was a 2881/5911/6341 (I had all of those MOS's) I was leading my classes in most cases, I have commented about funny situations that made me do worse, usually consisting of me driving to LA to get laid, which are all true.

I learned pretty significant theory, in fact, for 5911 at the time, even though you always replace the entire chip, it was a requirement for us to do variational analysis, and identify the particular pin of the chip that was causing the failure.

I was buried in electronics, I gained more than 30 lb's in weight, all muscle, I had to buy an entirely new wardrobe, since I had a 28" waiste when I joined, and a 32" waiste when I graduated boot.

I joined the Marine Corps, the DERR DERR DERR acording to mathews Marine Corps, and I was taken from a highschool, and college dropout, into a rather talented electronics tech trusted with a number of security issues.

And I'm a SMALL example of such things.

Chris Matthews just called me stupid, by saying after repeating kerry's comments "which is true, which is true, what do you think of this? HAHA"

You know what Matthews? I own your ass physicaly, and I'm a fat pig compared to who I was. Matthews? Fix an electro-mechanical system, since I'm too stupid, and you are so smart. Trouble shoot it? do it?
Chris? Keep a secret, many of which I keep to this day (though they aren't that important, but I keep a small few) HAHA DERRRR.

The perfect military pundit to appear on "hardball" is Cartman acting like a special olympian.

I'm not even CLOSE to the best of those who served with me, and DEFINATELY not compared to others. Matthews, joined the peace corps, so I guess he's among the band of brothers, except that well, the peace corps is filled with cowardly pussies, and the military is filled with men of value.

Another note:

In Civilian life, I think of only 2 men as my equals. In the service? I was an adolescent among adults. I was the breader, they were the protectors.

one more note: we need another ringworld yap.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 31, 2006 02:09 PM (QTv8u)

18 re: emabargoing the story entirely.
if those loser uneducated idiots in the American Legion keep it up, the story might have legs after all.

Posted by: jdubious at October 31, 2006 02:12 PM (4fkku)

19 Oh wait, they did wear the uniform of the country?
Well, then, they're stupid and uneducated. So who cares about their opinion?

I So Said that some time AGO! Ace, you could have been ahead of the line again, but no, wicked is a wacko.

Read your comments and claim victory before anyone else gets a chance.

Posted by: Wickedpinto at October 31, 2006 02:27 PM (QTv8u)

20 Ace, what would you do with your life if there weren't dumb mother effers like Kerry in the World? Proof that God has the greatest sense of humor of all time.

Posted by: Edtior at October 31, 2006 02:27 PM (adpJH)

21 "Apparently now Kerry people have produced a supposed printed version of the "joke" as it was supposed to be delivered."

Someone needs to post that as an animated gif with the actual transcript.

Posted by: jdavenport at October 31, 2006 02:44 PM (Y5S8b)

22 At least Kerry didn't call the troops "macacas."

That would have been offensive.

Posted by: Ali-Bubba at October 31, 2006 03:20 PM (jYT9+)

23 Damn, I would suggest that WP settle down, but Im as pissed as he is. I quit high school cause I was bored and got my GED. Joined the A.F. at 19 (sorry WP but they got better food and you get to sleep in a bed most nights.) The AF taught me how to fix airplanes, and I was very good at it. They also sent me all over the world. So John Fuckhead can call me whatever he wants, except Chickenhawk. 10 years of that and I thought it would be better on the outside (the stupidist move in my life!)

As for Chrissy, let's go toe to toe, shithead: IQs one on one. Bet I got you beat by at least 10 points. And I bet WP could outdo you by at least a few more than me.

Dumbasses like Matthews make me sick; anhone who would make the blanket pronouncements he has made about people based on where they are from, or what their ethnic group is, should not be allowed to procreate, or to even interact with real people.

Posted by: Kanelin at October 31, 2006 03:48 PM (Sbaq1)

24 4th time: Kerry is a disgrace, Always has been. Still is.

Always will be. An arrogant dolt, that is.

Posted by: TaterCon at October 31, 2006 06:17 PM (ViBPz)

25 How many Vietcong does it take to light a lightbulb?

-- It depends on how many wires are attached to their genitals.

Why don't neadertal soldiers windsurf off the coast of Cape Cod?

-- Because they would steer their board into an IED.

and of course,
Why is Teresa always on top?

-- Because John can only fuck up.

Wish I had more time to post, but I have a masters thesis to finish...personnel officers rule!!!

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at October 31, 2006 06:32 PM (5yPYo)

26 brilliant

Posted by: ray robison at October 31, 2006 07:22 PM (4joLu)

27 Rememeber the demacratic symbol is the donkey and its also called a ASS and kerry is one big ASS only the four legged kind is smarter

Posted by: spurwing plover at October 31, 2006 08:00 PM (Dutrh)

28 Why is Teresa always on top?
Because John can only fuck up.

Now that's some funny shit!

What's the difference between a dog barking on the back porch and John Kerry speaking on the front porch?

If you let the dog in, it will shut up.

Posted by: Rosetta at October 31, 2006 08:57 PM (CTqCo)

29 IQs one on one.

Not fair. Everyone knows turnips are retards.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 31, 2006 08:58 PM (AuPsg)

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