March 30, 2012

MegaMillions Up To $640 Million
— DrewM

Well, that's the 30 year payout, the cash option is $462 million (before federal and state taxes).

Alexthechick suggested a "What would you do with the money" thread, so here you go.

Also...Open thread.

Posted by: DrewM at 08:06 AM | Comments (536)
Post contains 44 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Buy the Death Star

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:08 AM (wtvvX)

2 i would be off of the grid and hidden forever. kiss it.

Posted by: mbruce at March 30, 2012 08:08 AM (Fr8N6)

3 Buy all the houses on my ex's block and evict her.

Posted by: h00v3r at March 30, 2012 08:08 AM (PzaNL)

4 Invest in a soon-to-be-bankrupt green energy company.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:08 AM (VndSC)

5 Become as despised as the Koch brothers.

Posted by: SH at March 30, 2012 08:08 AM (S0Vct)

6 I would buy up as much ad space as possible in every newspaper in the country and air non stop ads against SCOAMF.

Posted by: jewells45 at March 30, 2012 08:09 AM (l/N7H)

7 I would pay Obama every dime to not run again.

Posted by: traye at March 30, 2012 08:09 AM (bnA/s)

8 The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or  failed statistics.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:09 AM (VndSC)

9

First, I would take a full page ad in every major newspaper in the country and a 60-second commercial on every national network to list everyone who can Kiss My Ass.

 

After that, lots to various charities and building/stocking my doomsday bunker.

Posted by: Country Singer at March 30, 2012 08:09 AM (L8r/r)

10 From what I've seen, the worst part of winning the lottery is finding out how many family members you never knew you had. And having them all show up for a handout.

Posted by: nnptcgrad at March 30, 2012 08:09 AM (Opyrm)

11 file for food stamps

Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (8Yc/9)

12 If I had won it last year, I'd have spent every damn dime getting SMOD on the ballet for the Primary in every state.

Posted by: Mob at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (mefTt)

13 Coal fired Steam Hummer.

Posted by: Jimmah at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (UpwlP)

14 Private.  Island.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (8y9MW)

15 Purchase the biggest dildo in the world and stuff it in Pelosi's cooter.

Posted by: Cheese Head at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (EL+OC)

16 Torment the Democratic party from now until the end of time.  Or at least the end of my multi-generational trust.

Posted by: jocon307 at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (QDPDH)

17 I would build  a small cabin by a stream/or river  ,isolated  , with seasons, stock up food and books to help me learn how to be a pioneer, so that i can disappear for as long as i like. .

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:10 AM (TomZ9)

18 Buy George Zimmerman a Gran Torino

Posted by: canoedad at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (A3zgF)

19 Bankrupt George Soros.

Posted by: Nighthawk at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (RSqz2)

20 462,000 thousand dollar hookers. Or 46,200,000 ten dollar hookers?

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (gPDxp)

21 The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics.

You can't win if you don't play.  You also don't lose any money if you don't play, so it more-or-less balances out.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (8y9MW)

22 Doomsday bunker and weed. Hot box!!!

Posted by: Ghost at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (q8nT/)

23 Buy Al gores house, kick him out and burn it to the ground.

Posted by: mer at March 30, 2012 08:11 AM (pFW9F)

24 "two chicks at the same time"

Posted by: Wooga at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (IhzyJ)

25 would also like to own tons of stock in  msnbc and have  everybody fired

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (TomZ9)

26 Buy a really nice house on a really nice ranch in the Texas Hill Country, prolly near Kerrville or Freddysburg...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (wtvvX)

27 I think it's pretty well impossible nowadays to be "off the grid and gone forever" unless you live in some remote island in the Pacific and never, ever use any ATM cards, cell phones, computer or a modern car. Or you could change your name and become Amish.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (/3OmY)

28 i would by the north pole

and build a giant zoo for the bears

so they would be safe from global warming

also would get a bently

#JusticeForFlavon

Posted by: Jose Canseco's Gristle Encased Head at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (+lsX1)

29

@21 - but, you are good at math. Don't worry.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:12 AM (VndSC)

30 a lottery isn't coerced it is a decision freely made.

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (TomZ9)

31 Buy Morgan Freeman.  He can narrate everything I do.

Posted by: Truman North at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (I2LwF)

32 I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.

Posted by: Lawrence at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (bwV72)

33 A house that runs on electricity produced by compressed co2. Is that extravagant?

Posted by: Jimmah at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (UpwlP)

34 Do everything in my power to dismantle every liberal institution.

Posted by: Lauren at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (C0m/g)

35 I would have my dream home on hundreds of acres with horses. and a condo on the beach. Invest that money so my great great great great grandchildren would never worry about money.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (DGIjM)

36 My dad has always wanted to travel around Europe, so I would take him on a expense paid trip to where ever he wanted to go.  Especially Germany since that's where his grandparents are from.  I would also donate a few million to Ronald McDonald's House and ARK, as well as set up a scholarship.

Posted by: Jon at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (hn68z)

37 I'd buy this blog and straighten some shit out.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:13 AM (KNvk+)

38 I would buy a presidential election.

Or maybe take over a small, oil rich country in the ME and declare it a islamic democracy.

Posted by: Lord Monochromicorn at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (FvbE9)

39 I'd buy MSNBC. After that, bwaaahaaahaaahaaa.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (VndSC)

40

I would buy a race track and have Chevy Volt races and Chevy Volt demolition derbies.

Win win.

Posted by: Jack at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (zKFOT)

41 I wouldn't tell anybody.

Posted by: Gregory of Yardale at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (gPDxp)

42 Build a high-speed rail corridor through Al Gore's house.

Build a windmill farm in Hyannisport.

Build a nuclear power plant in downtown San Francisco.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (wtvvX)

43 Quickly convert it into something that Helicopter Ben and the ECB can't print.

Posted by: cthulhu at March 30, 2012 08:14 AM (kaalw)

44 gloat

Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (h8UT+)

45 a lottery isn't coerced it is a decision freely made.


That's what we used to think!

Posted by: Health Insurance "Customers" at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (YEelc)

46

Buy a large ranch, stock it with hobos, and invite morons and Ewoks over for an epic weekend.

 

 

Posted by: Virginia SoCon at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (+/C3g)

47

Here is my list:

1 million dollars into the college funds of my five nephews and nieces.

Offer to buy my siblings a home of their choice, up to one million dollars and pay the taxes for the next 10 years

Buy my father and mother anything they wanted wanted.

Donate the maximum to my favored Republican candidates in this election. 

I'd then probably by myself a slightly larger house.(I actually don't want a big house)

I'd buy a lot of land in Pennsylvania, hopefully along one of our rivers. I'd have a cabin built so that I could vacation there.

I would then fly to Europe and visit all the WW1 and WW2 cites in Germany, France, Poland, Belgium, Netherlands, but not Russia.

I'd keep my job too.

 

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (wuv1c)

48 I'd pay for some slut's contraceptives.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (VndSC)

49 I'd buy the Presidency.

Posted by: FPW at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (BDNF5)

50 pay somone to make sweet man to al sharpton. hard.

Posted by: whiskey tango at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (JvP2I)

51 shit would just get real

Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 08:15 AM (8Yc/9)

52 I'd disappear. Pay off the taxes, and disappear with the family to where no one can find me and beg for money.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (MMC8r)

53 Condoms and abortions for everyone!

Posted by: Georgetown U Law Tarts at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (vbh31)

54
I never buy lottery tickets, except I will today.

Mostly just so that in the event that I win I can be different and say "Hell no, I'm not going back to that sh*tty job!"

Posted by: Wodeshed at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (K6sn/)

55 Buy an extra vagina.

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (KNvk+)

56 buy this blog and hold a thousand dollar bill up  to anybody that could guess the time aces first post would appear that day.
then a thousand to how many he could knock out in 6-7 hours.

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (TomZ9)

57 I'd get new slip covers for the couch.  Oh, and fix those screens so the bugs don't get in.

Posted by: myYbj at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (myYbj)

58 Most of the states do not levy state taxes on top of the winnings. Only federal.

Posted by: weft cut-loop [/i] at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (JEpGb)

59

49 I'd buy the Presidency

Too late!

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (VndSC)

60 15 Purchase the biggest dildo in the world and stuff it in Pelosi's cooter.

Posted by: Cheese Head at March 30, 2012 01:10 PM


Yes, please.

Posted by: Pelosi at March 30, 2012 08:16 AM (RzLbD)

61 Put up a 30-foot statue of Andrew Breitbart across the street from the New York Times.  Probably giving them the finger.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:17 AM (wtvvX)

62

31 Buy Morgan Freeman. He can narrate everything I do.

 

I'd rather buy Sam Eliot....or Tom Selleck. ....*wiggles eyebrows up and down*

Posted by: wheatie at March 30, 2012 08:17 AM (dEMjC)

63 A million or two to the Salvation Army, same amount to my local food shelf.  Motorcycle, guitars, lakefront property, oceanfront property.... and a bunker.  For sure, a bunker.

Posted by: zeera at March 30, 2012 08:17 AM (wwuGd)

64 Man, with that kind of money I could become a liberal.

Posted by: Laughing in Texas at March 30, 2012 08:17 AM (dL9LY)

65 Buy a swanky golf club and convert the golf course into a motorcross track.

Posted by: Max Wedge at March 30, 2012 08:17 AM (6DDE+)

66 I'd buy land, and get a few friends of mine out of debt.  Pay for some expensive treatments for a few people I know, and...

Honestly, I don't know what I'd do with millions of dollars.  A lesson my father taught me was that in this world, nothing's guaranteed.  No amount of money will make a possession safe, no amount of money will keep you clear when things hit the fan.

I'd buy a couple of nice swords, I guess, and a house out in western Nebraska in some nice patch of woods.  And then I'd buy Square-Enix and fix the hell out of that company, quick sharp.

Posted by: Kinley Ardal at March 30, 2012 08:18 AM (znwIS)

67 65...motocross

Posted by: Max Wedge at March 30, 2012 08:18 AM (6DDE+)

68

I've started to pay a little attention to where these large multi-state lotto pay outs end up. Virginia, Washington DC.

Posted by: rectal exam at March 30, 2012 08:18 AM (O7ksG)

69 52 I'd disappear. Pay off the taxes, and disappear with the family to where no one can find me and beg for money.

----------

If no one's going to be able to find you, you might want to disappear *before* paying off the taxes.

Just sayin'.

Posted by: Anachronda at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (6fER6)

70 Pay for Gabe's "operation".

Posted by: Purity Republican at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (KNvk+)

71 Wooga beat me to it. Although I'd probably need more than $640M for that . . .

Srsly though, first I'd pay off the house. A lot of it would go to Mum [ampersand] Dad, and some to the cousins in the UK and Israel. Tip jars would be hit around the internet. Some investments for retirement would be made.

Posted by: Boulder Toilet Hobo at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (QTHTd)

72

Also, buy a presidential election solely for the purpose of installing Jose Canseco as our poet laureate.

Posted by: Virginia SoCon at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (+/C3g)

73 I'd keep ten million, give twenty million away to friends and family, and start a charitable foundation with the rest. Ten million is plenty.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (celt+)

74 1.  Invest in Val-u-rite...
2.  Pay everything off...maybe get Ace into a real house, not the cardboard one
3.  Ammo
4.  MRE's
5.  Pron
6.  Hobo hunting gear

Posted by: Satan's Barbed WeeWee at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (Jls4P)

75 I have simple tastes. Beach house, Ferrari, pay off my kids' loans. Lots of money donated to children's hospitals.

Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 08:19 AM (aZYcK)

76

1. Bailout Solyndra

2. Invest in "green" energy

Posted by: saxon at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (dyXGJ)

77 I'd  pay Tim Geithner to do my taxes that year.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (VndSC)

78 Build a heated moat around my house and fill it with gators.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (tf9Ne)

79 create alextopia for real............and beg to join

Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (h8UT+)

80 Self fund a independent bid against nancy pelosi in 2014

Posted by: Rusty at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (Uf9TE)

81 31 Buy Morgan Freeman. He can narrate everything I do. I'd rather buy H Jon Benjamin. How awesome would it be to have Sterling Archer narrate your life?

Posted by: supercore23 at March 30, 2012 08:20 AM (bwV72)

82

Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.

Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?

Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.

Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.

Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.

Posted by: steve_in_hb at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (qCxHk)

83 I think I might just be able to pay off my credit cards.  Then, I'd enjoy a candy bar, perhaps, if I was feeling expansive.

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (P7hip)

84 Give it all to Kate Upton for one night with her.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (GQ8sn)

85 I would love to be able to give money to a bunch of great charities.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (DGIjM)

86 I would invest it In Senators and double my money every year.

Posted by: t-bird at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (m0BOo)

87 With that much money I could get away with murder. So, murder.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (KNvk+)

88 Pay people to stalk Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton 7x24.

Posted by: Cheese Head at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (EL+OC)

89 Put up a 30-foot statue of Andrew Breitbart across the street from the New York Times. Probably giving them the finger

And then NOT buy the NYT. It would be tempting, though, to buy it and turn it into a real newspaper.

Posted by: Retread at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (joSBv)

90 I'd buy this blog and make ace my paid sockpuppet bitch


Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 08:21 AM (Y+DPZ)

91 I'd pay Ace $5million to reveal his identity to the moron horde.

Posted by: Hedgehog at March 30, 2012 08:22 AM (8gkx6)

92 Im going to see what happens when you hit a diamond with a hammer. Then I am going to build a lair then outfit some sharks with frickin laser beams.

Posted by: Chariman Mow at March 30, 2012 08:22 AM (ih+cL)

93 Buy my own oil refinery and a fleet of first gen Hummers.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:22 AM (GQ8sn)

94 Buy a weather station and a stream gauge, and start collecting me some data.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (wtvvX)

95 73I'd keep ten million, give twenty million away to friends and family, and start a charitable foundation with the rest. Ten million is plenty.

Posted by: Taro Tsujimoto at March 30, 2012 01:19 PM (celt+)

Why not divide it up equally among family and friends.  After all, 10 million is enough.

Posted by: Jack at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (zKFOT)

96 Buy an Island in Greece. What could possibly go wrong?

Posted by: Jimmah at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (UpwlP)

97 "I'm Batman."

Posted by: Jaws at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (4I3Uo)

98

First thing I'd do is get a really really expensive (i.e. good) accountant.

Then I'd partition off 2 packages around $10 mil a piece as charitable trusts that my wife and I would control independently of each other (we have conflicting world views sometimes so if I want to do anything good with this, I'll need some wiggle room.)

The rest would be split into various investments, buy a house (nothing too big though.)

I'd buy some hunting land too.  Lots of it! Acres!  Oh and a house, nothing to big.  And a decent car.

Posted by: tsrblke at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (SYrwI)

99 Bottles and Models.

Bottles in Models.

Models in Bottles.

Posted by: Alex at March 30, 2012 08:23 AM (tlK1P)

100

Poor people who are insane, are just crazy.

 

Rich Insane People are 'Ecentric"!

 

I would be Ecentric!

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (lZBBB)

101 I'd build a pyramid twice the size of Khufu's. Fuck Egypt.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (w/anX)

102 You mean what will you do with the 5 percent of that jackpot that I allow you to keep.

A thank you card for me for letting you keep that much would be appreciated.

Posted by: King Barry the Generous at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (Y+DPZ)

103 Beginning tomorrow, I would never fly commercial again.  Ever.

Fuck you, TSA.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (PJ+vx)

104 Buy out Solyndra and force them to make incandescent light bulbs.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (GQ8sn)

105 New sport:  Women's Naked MMA

Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 08:24 AM (RzLbD)

106 Hell- you could buy Greece.
Me, I'd call the DOD and ask how much they want for the USS Iowa rusting up in Susin Bay.

Posted by: calcajun at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (vjyZP)

107 I would make an aggressive push to copyright the question mark.

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (wuv1c)

108 You remember Rodney Dangerfield in 'Caddyshack?' Yeah. That.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (MMC8r)

109 By all the skittles and obviate them.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (5wsU9)

110 You sure they take out state taxes?

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (s6QDI)

111 New sport: Women's Naked MMA

Better new sport:  Extreme Naked Female Dental Hygenists

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:25 AM (GQ8sn)

112 First of all, I'd take $40M and slap Curtis.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (MMC8r)

113 I'd use it all to pay off 0.00003% of the national debt.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (gGfQF)

114 I'd fill up both cars!

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (L7hol)

115 I'd buy my dream beach house. 

Bonus:  It would drive my life coach s-i-l, who is always bragging about the one her latest husband, The Wallet, is going to buy her some day, bat shit crazy.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (PJ+vx)

116 I'd  buy all my new "friends" a house. They'd all be 125 square feet house.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (VndSC)

117 Buy some land and drill for oil with the bones and teeth of polar bears used as my bits.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (5wsU9)

118

I will buy a hospital and not treat any trial lawyers or illegal aliens or Democratic politicians, and I will require everyone to pay cash and discount rates by 50%.

Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (aBlZ1)

119 I'd buy $240 worth of pudding.

Posted by: supercore23 at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (bwV72)

120 I gotta go with Wooga and Lawrence. Anne Hathaway and Carly Foulkes (the Anne Hathaway lookalike in the T-mobile commercials). Plus, the real name brand Ramen noodles instead of the store brand.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 08:26 AM (a5ljo)

121

After the pay off my debts, my brother's mortgage, give money to family members, pay for the whole new wing for the church (and demand that they name it the Mothra Wing), after all that?

 

alextopia here we come!  No, seriously, I could totally buy a town out West somewhere and set myself up as Queen and Ruler of All.

 

Also I'd start a think tank to work on matters close to the Horde's heart, like just how awesome is Christina's rack.  dpud is going to be Head Minion. 

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (VtjlW)

122 Start a nationwide chain of day care centers that teach the basic principles of Hayek and capitalism.

Posted by: PJ at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (DQHjw)

123 I'd buy Disneyland and rename it HymieTown.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (MMC8r)

124 Oh... and 10 Mil to each of my Twins... 10 Mil to Mom... then start building my Dream Castle Hotel / Ski Lodge in Frisco CO... and buy a LOT of Gold to put in my Vault...

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (lZBBB)

125 1. Fur sink
2. Gasoline Powered Turtleneck Sweater
3. Carbon Credits
4. Pudding Cups

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (ih+cL)

126 Buy lots of guns and build a fortress. The in ground sprinkler system would be connected to a gasoline tanker so I could fry trespassers.

Posted by: TC at March 30, 2012 08:27 AM (vYB+W)

127 I'd get a new wireless mouse.  Mine sucks.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:28 AM (QKKT0)

128 Start a nationwide chain of day care centers that teach the basic principles of Hayek and capitalism.

Posted by: PJ at March 30, 2012 01:27 PM (DQHjw)


Nice!  I can see the payoff in about 2 generations.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:28 AM (GQ8sn)

129 Pay for eight feet of high-speed rail.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:28 AM (MMC8r)

130 I'd buy Katie's Restaurant and build a high speed train to it

Posted by: Joe Biden at March 30, 2012 08:28 AM (Y+DPZ)

131 I would buy the 66 cent can of plankton instead of the 33 cent can

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (wuv1c)

132 I'd get 2 sammiches from Subway.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (5wsU9)

133 An honest-to-goodness castle.  With trebuchet and a selection of both crossbows and longbows.

And a gun collection to make the USMC jealous.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (8y9MW)

134 I like Roy's idea, but I'd set up a mortgage company that only did subprime loans on 125 sq foot houses.

Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (8Yc/9)

135 110 You sure they take out state taxes? Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 01:25 PM (s6QDI) Each state is different. 25% goes to federal... depends on the state when it comes to state taxes. Indiana is 3.4% state taxes on Lottery. CA doesnt take state taxes on lottery wins. just depends on the state.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (DGIjM)

136 >>>Bonus: It would drive my life coach s-i-l, who is always bragging about the one her latest husband, The Wallet, is going to buy her some day, bat shit crazy. Posted by: Jane D'oh My advice to you is to use the money to get as far away from your in laws as possible.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (s6QDI)

137 Buy Joe Biden a brain.

A monkey brain.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (wtvvX)

138 I would spend every penny to help the rest of Washington state secede from the Seattle/Tacoma/Everett/Olympia socialist cesspool.

Posted by: Mr_Write at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (VJUQK)

139 And at the car wash?  Gold package, baby.  With extra New Car Smell.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:29 AM (QKKT0)

140 Buy a farm for injured and aging animals and hire Gushka to manage it.

Hire the following:

Peaches, to serve as my personal shopper.

Buzzion, to follow me around and verbally defend me against assault anyone who effs with me.

Velociman, to compile a"Best of the Blogs" book as only he could and to manage the logistics of moving my entourage all about the world.

Gabe, to keep my rear-end out of trouble.

Tami, to tell me like it iswhen others are kissing my rich fat ass.

Delta, to serve as the angel on my shoulder.

Start my own radio network and unleash Ace and the cobblogers on an unsuspecting world.

Throw a few hellacious blogfests.

With the remaining hundreds of millions, I'd buy a tiny house for each of you!


Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (piMMO)

141 I'd snort coke off of Christina Hendricks' tit

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (Y+DPZ)

142 i would get paula abdul to sing

a concert for people giving mony to bear forests and such

and would give some mony to poor kids for health care

for when those idiots at the surpeme court take it away

also pay off my net jets card so could get a new one

#JusticeForDelvon

Posted by: Jose Canseco's Gristle Encased Head at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (+lsX1)

143 Finally get to supersize my value meal.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (GQ8sn)

144 I'd spend my fortune getting justice for Trayvon.
Oh, wait, I already handled that.

Posted by: George Zimmerman at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (a5ljo)

145 Reitre and buy a BAR to pick off con-men as they approach

Posted by: Mr. Rate at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (e8kgV)

146 I've given this a lot of thought. Bear with me:

Ever notice when you're listening to the goddamned Public Radio, that all the programs are financed by "The John D. and Catherine T. MacArthur Foundation" or "The Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation"? The specificity bugs me -- and provides an opportunity for mischief. With a huge sum of money I would establish several foundations:

• The John L. and Catherine "Boom-Boom" MacArthur Foundation
• The John-no-middle-initial and Catherine F.X. MacArthur Foundation
• The John B., Catherine T., and Motherfucking DOUGLAS MacArthur Foundation
• The John E., John H., John K., John N., John Q., John V., Catherine W., Catherine O., Catherine P., Catherine C., and Catherine A. MacArthur Foundation
• The John D. and Catherine T. EISENHOWER Foundation
• The Arthur D. and Catherine T. MacJohn Foundation

Each one would donate heavily to goddamned Public Radio, and the goddamned Public Radio announcers would have to read all of those foundation names at every program break. And I would laugh maniacally.

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (UswFM)

147 142 I'd snort coke off of Christina Hendricks' tit

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM (Y+DPZ)



Jesus, that's a lot of blow!

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (GQ8sn)

148 Cash it out and burn it all.

Posted by: SFGoth at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (dZ756)

149 CA doesnt take state taxes on lottery wins.

They only want to take money that people earn. Oh!!!

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 08:30 AM (gGfQF)

150 What I'd really do:  Put 20% into some sort of investment fund.  Pay off my friend's mortgages.  Fix up my mom's house.  Give my friends and family money.  Give 10-20% to charities.  I'd probably take some trips to Europe and Asia after buying a house.  And get life-time season tickets for Sporting KC games.

Posted by: FPW at March 30, 2012 08:31 AM (BDNF5)

151 I'd snort coke off of Christina Hendricks' tit

She's got two, you know.  Go for broke.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:31 AM (QKKT0)

152 I would spend every penny to help the rest of Washington state secede from the Seattle/Tacoma/Everett/Olympia socialist cesspool.

*****

I might do the same for San Diego.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:31 AM (piMMO)

153 I wonder if I could find a husband if I won $640 million.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:31 AM (DGIjM)

154 First I'd celebrate the Hour of Power tomorrow night. Then get stinking drunk and light cigars with $100 bills. Then live large my remaining days.

Posted by: JWF at March 30, 2012 08:31 AM (1l37M)

155 Buy a pony. Train the pony to bite off penises. Invite Rachel Maddow over for tea.

Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (+6ZZN)

156 I'd put Stephen King and Stephanie Meyer in a pit and force them to fight to the death.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (MMC8r)

157 I'd buy a shit load of full-page ads in every major newspaper in this country with a pic of Barky in his douchebag hat, smoking a blunt, that would say, "What the hell were you 52%ers thinking?"

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (PJ+vx)

158 Buy Pixie some decent servers and shit.

Posted by: notropis at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (cjcCc)

159 I'd call mom and dad and tell them I don't need an advance on my allowance for another walk in freezer

Posted by: Meghan McCain at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (Y+DPZ)

160 Beginning tomorrow, I would never fly commercial again. Ever.

Oh yes. I'd pull a Concorde out of retirement and use it as my personal jet. Mila Kunis and Blake Lively will be the first stewardess team.

Posted by: Waterhouse at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (w/anX)

161 Anyone who thinks 10 million is enough has a lack of vision.

I could spend that much just on cars.

Posted by: cranky-d at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (9vcWv)

162

1. Pay off debt

2. Give what few family I have left enough to be comfortable

3. Give to Charity

4. Buy arable, but defensible land

5. Buy tons of food

6. Buy tons of guns 'n ammo

7. Buy precious metals along with other precious commodities

8. Build large house with big basement and tons of secret passage, because secret passages are cool

9. Invest the rest in extremely diverse portfolio (real estate, securities, foreign currency, start angel investing)

10. Christina Hendricks

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (rX1N2)

163 I'd teabag Anderson Cooper. Oh, wait...he'd pay me.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (MMC8r)

164 116 Buy any land within clear view of Lisa Jackson's EPA office, built the world's largestBBQ pit then BBQ, every day, at noon, with Coal.

---------


Yes. One hot dog.

Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (aZYcK)

165 One Word: Bentonite

Posted by: oZfic at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (gGfQF)

166 I would also buy the Washington Redskins and then fire everyone, and hire people who actually know football. 

Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (NYnoe)

167 I would use it to fund a military adventure against Sylvania.

Posted by: Rufus T. Firefly at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (QKKT0)

168 And get life-time season tickets for Sporting KC games.


***

Dude! You're a multi-millionaire! Splurge on tickets for a winning team fer chrissakes!

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (piMMO)

169 1 Buy the Death Star

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 01:08 PM (wtvvX)

Death Star Costs $15.6 Septillion, 1.4 Trillion Times the US Debt

Posted by: Chewbacca at March 30, 2012 08:32 AM (e8kgV)

170 I wonder if I could find a husband if I won $640 million.

Hello.

Posted by: Soon to be divorced at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (vYB+W)

171 Fulfill my lifelong dream of owning a walk-in gun safe.
 

Posted by: Braineaterbob at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (1cHDX)

172 I guess Drew is keeping us busy while ace composes a super post for our enjoyment.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (KNvk+)

173 I'd make grants to doggeh (and kitteh) rescue organizations in Fiona's name.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (s6QDI)

174 I will donate all of it to help the deficit. Hey, every second we can forestall the inevitable is vital.

Posted by: J.J. Sefton at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (Af3Wg)

175 All-meat outfits for every Moron.

 If I win.

Baconz!

Posted by: sickinmass at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (bcNec)

176 I'd feel guilty and become a liberal in words and a master tax planner in deeds.

Posted by: MostlyRight at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (ZG8Ti)

177 buy Kandahar, no one seems to find those that go there.

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:33 AM (TomZ9)

178

New homes for folks and in-laws. Lots to the Salvation Army, church, and  other charities. Pay for kids' college. Some cash to close relatives -- but  absolutely NONE to my lib relatives. In fact, I'll hand out the checks to the  others right in front of them and say that their portion went to pay for taxes,  gas, and free birth control.

Then I'll laugh maniacally and retire to my heavily protected private island.

Posted by: Hoplite Housewife at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (kvDix)

179

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM (UswFM)

 

What?? No Mike Hunt Womens Study Foundation?

 

No Ima Douche For Social Justice League?

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (lZBBB)

180 i'd finally have friends.........

Posted by: ozfic at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (h8UT+)

181 Alexthechick suggested a "What would you do with the money" thread, so here you go.

Get a customized, 40 foot long, stretch Chevy Volt ... with a hoodie.

Posted by: ThePrimordialOrderedPair at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (X3lox)

182 I'd pay Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson to STFU and disappear.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (PJ+vx)

183

92

*

Will you purchase a rare hairless cat and name him Mr. Bigglesworth?

Posted by: kallisto at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (jm/9g)

184 Give a recording contract to the bohemian rhapsody drunk from Canada.

Posted by: long island at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (kzp9t)

185 I'd move to BC.

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (vWPHv)

186 Buy a new car every day, for only that day, then have it junked.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (GQ8sn)

187 >>>"I'm Batman." Oh hell yeah! Money is the ultimate super power.

Posted by: Max Power at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (q177U)

188 I'd use it to pay Warren Buffet's taxes.  And buy his secretary some sexy lingerie with whatever is left over.

You're welcome, Warren.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:34 AM (QKKT0)

189 If I won 460million, I would never buy a car again. But my pony sure would own a lot of illegally registered vehicles. And machine guns.

Posted by: Stark Dickflüssig at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (+6ZZN)

190 I'd invest the money.  If it returns, on average, 4% per year, that would be 0.04 x oh, say, 480 mil = $19.2 mil per year.

Yeah, I could live OK on that...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (wtvvX)

191 181 i'd finally have friends.........

Posted by: ozfic at March 30, 2012 01:34 PM (h8UT+)




lol

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (PJ+vx)

Posted by: TOTUS at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (RCwVo)

193 Slightly more seriously, I'd get a law firm to set up a trust before I cash in the ticket, so I can keep my identity secret -- because I don't really want to spend my time in a security bubble like the President.

Plus, with my vast wealth secret, I wouldn't be constantly worrying that my friends are just trying to cadge some bucks.

I'd use some of it to improve my life, including some business ventures I've always wanted to try. But the real fun would be anonymously dropping huge moneybombs on charities and political candidates that strike my fancy.

Posted by: Trimegistus at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (UswFM)

194 I'd buy a bus and use it to transport white supremacists to Spike Lee's place.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (QKKT0)

195 Heh.  Michelle is still begging....


There's one thing I forgot to mention:

If you chip in to support the campaign before the big deadline tomorrow, you'll also be automatically entered to have dinner with my husband.

I had the chance to go to one of these "Dinners with Barack" just a few weeks back -- and trust me, you don't want to miss out on it.

Make a donation of $3 or whatever you can here:

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (piMMO)

196 I'd spend $10M on women and loose living. The rest of it, I'd waste.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (MMC8r)

197 Fan it all out in front of the Metro Transit Authority then say :

"Build your own Silver Line....BITCHES !"

Posted by: Loudoun County Virginia at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (ih+cL)

198 I'd take a long vacation from the SCOMF. You know how hard I've been working lately?

Posted by: TOTUS at March 30, 2012 08:35 AM (RCwVo)

199 >>>Get a customized, 40 foot long, stretch Chevy Volt ... with a hoodie. Hahahahaha!

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (s6QDI)

200 Put bounties on the NBPP.

Hey, I heard it's legal now!

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (GQ8sn)

201

I'd raise free-range Beagles.

Posted by: Jaws at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (4I3Uo)

202 I'd do a exact remake the Crow and have it star George Clooney.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (5wsU9)

203 I'd buy ace a new new comments thingy. It would be just like this one except for the extra new.

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (gGfQF)

204 I guess Drew is keeping us busy while ace composes a super post for our enjoyment.

Maybe he went to the first available showing of Wrath of the Titans, and he's preparing an Epic Movie Review.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:36 AM (8y9MW)

205 Legal enslavement of Canadians.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (MMC8r)

206 I wonder if I could find a husband if I won $640 million.

With that kind of money you wouldn't need one, but you could probably rent any one you wanted.

Posted by: Retread at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (joSBv)

207 I'd buy every every billboard in San Francisco to advertise for Rush Limbaugh.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose finally remembers why he's here at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (0q2P7)

208

Day 1:  Found a new company

Day 2:  Hire an HR department

Day 3:  Fire all the HR bastards

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (+3fAP)

209 I'd tithe 10% to the church, and take the husband on an actual vacation (no work involved whatsoever).


Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (PJ+vx)

210 ace is busy talking to irs about his win of 460 million an hour ago.

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:37 AM (TomZ9)

211 Quit. My. Shitty. Job.

Posted by: shinypie at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (Kz85k)

212 I'd buy a small South Pacific island and live there with my children and their friends . . . until my son shot one of them. then we'd dig a big hole and roast him, as the natives do. Want to see my Banana Dance?

Posted by: BlackOrchid at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (SB0V2)

213 If I win, I should break even from the money I spent playing the lottery.

Posted by: YIKES! at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (RXcjt)

214 Pay for two of the hottest women on this blog to have a hot oil wresting match, then have sex with each other...

Oh, I forgot... there are no hot women on this blog...

Posted by: Satan's Barbed WeeWee at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (Jls4P)

215

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 01:34 PM (PJ+vx)

 

Not enough money...

Posted by: HH at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (KB0hv)

216 173 I guess Drew is keeping us busy while ace composes a super post for our enjoyment.
Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 01:33 PM

An Ace review of The Hunger Games?

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (Y+DPZ)

217

Open a Bar with an in house Dating Website... where your primary picture would HAVE to be one taken by the Staff (and have a profesional photog on staff to due so).  Have TWO Soundproofed Music areas... one Trendy... one mixed Old School (Rock, disco, country, Oldies, each with their own night).

 

The Franchise it nationwide....

Posted by: Romeo13 at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (lZBBB)

218 Buy MSNBC and make all the on-air people wear clown suits.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:38 AM (MMC8r)

219 buy Kandahar, no one seems to find those that go there.


*****

Hire NASA engineers to develop a way to drop a giant steel plate over the region and bolt it to the earth.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (piMMO)

220 Pay to have lauraw's hump removed.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (5wsU9)

221 I wonder if I could find a husband if I won $640 million.

With that kind of money you wouldn't need one, but you could probably rent any one you wanted.


Recently I find that I have some open time slots available on my calendar.  And by recently, I mean the past 15 years.

Posted by: Fabio at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (QKKT0)

222 I would find some worthless crap to waste it on, all while telling you how smart I am.

Posted by: President Obama at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (RCwVo)

223 Madonna is worth 670 mil and Oprah 2.7 bil.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (s6QDI)

224 I'd buy ace a new new comments thingy. It would be just like this one except for the extra new.

Would you at least spring for formatting and hyper-links?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (8y9MW)

225 At this point, I'd buy a new post.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (KNvk+)

226

First, I'd buy a Maserati. Then I'd build some Doomsday Bunkers in various locations. Then I'd set about trying to save as many hobos from Ace's stew pot as I could. Some of them could just end up earning PhD's in bioengineering.

When that got boring, I'd start focusing on putting a dent in sex slavery right here in the USA. I'd free as many people from that nightmare as I could. 

Then I'd hire some mercenaries and start planning a way to make a real difference in Darfur and Somalia. That is one ugly and heartbreaking situation over there and I wish our Great Country could legally insert her military influence into helping those truly misfortunate people. Perhaps I'd start by dropping flyers informing them that, if they really really really want to, they can move. That would hopefully lower the number of people my team would have to protect.

Then I'd commision Lee Child to help me write a book about all of it, 'cuz I'd probably be running a bit low on cash.

 

 

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (nBE5A)

227 I would also buy a suite for every major sporting event every year and invite 20 of my friends.  Final Four, Super Bowl, Masters, World Series, all the All-Star Games, NBA Finals, Wimbledon.  I will give my university $20 million to name a new basketball arena after my dad.  And tell Harvard to fuck off, they're not getting a dime from me.

Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 08:39 AM (qE3AR)

228 Romeo13! That is an EXCELLENT idea. Seriously! I would invest! great, GREAT idea

Posted by: BlackOrchid at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (SB0V2)

229 149 Cash it out and burn it all.
Posted by: SFGoth at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM

We would appreciate it.  It would take inflation back to yesterday's level.  Maybe even the day before!

Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (RzLbD)

230 I'd get all the way to Clear in one intense day of Scientology.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (QKKT0)

231 Create or save eight green jobs.

Posted by: Preznit Barakabama at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (MMC8r)

232 i'd throw gold bricks through peoples windows

Posted by: ozfic at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (h8UT+)

233 @168: What, you some war-monger from Berkey??

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (wtvvX)

234 create alextopia for real............and beg to join

Posted by: phoenixgirl at work at March 30, 2012 01:20 PM (h8UT+)

 

As I am a benevolent overlord, for certain definitions of benevolent, I shall graciously accept your petition.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:40 AM (VtjlW)

235 i'd buy all my cats little dresses

Posted by: ozfic at March 30, 2012 08:41 AM (PJ+vx)

236 Upgrade stuff at the house, get a new car, invest for my son's future and set him up a trust, sponsor the daylights out of his travel baseball team, get some money to my relatives, and do some traveling.

Posted by: Pay no attention to the man behind the curtain at March 30, 2012 08:41 AM (bj+Nc)

237

I'd buy a Chevy Volt.

I'd buy another Chevy Volt so I can get to where I want to go.

I'd buy two more Chevy Volts so I can get back from where I went.

I'd buy a fire truck to put out the Chevy Volts as the inevitable burst into flames..

I'd buy a tractor trailer to carry the Chevy Volts and the fire truck.

I'd buy a wrecker to haul away the smoldering hulks of the Chevy Volts.

I'd buy a law firm to sue the shit out of Chevy for making this piece of shit.

Then I'd go buy a Tesla...

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 08:41 AM (ONGk1)

238 ...oh, and New Stompy Boots for all the 'ettes! 

Posted by: garrett at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (vWPHv)

239 Bacon air drop to Mecca and Medina during Ramadan.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (5wsU9)

240 I'd make disgusting and obscene comments in Soledad O'Brien's earpiece while she interviewed Sean Penn.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (QKKT0)

241 I'd pay our son not to re-enlist.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (PJ+vx)

242 Donate the money to the local SPCA, then give them my bipolar wife's 32 damn cats. Seriously.

Posted by: Pyrocles at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (cv5Iw)

243 @169 Hey! They made it to semi-finals last year and are undefeated so far this season!

Posted by: FPW at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (BDNF5)

244 Buy a luxury yacht that's bigger than Roman Abromavitch's.

Have it crewed by Victoria's Secret supermodels.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (GQ8sn)

245 Quoting: "230 149
Cash it out and burn it all.


Posted by: SFGoth at March 30, 2012 01:30 PM

We would appreciate it. It would take inflation back to yesterday's level. Maybe even the day before!"

And just think of the carbon output of your bonfire...it would drive the tree-huggers crazy!  Oops.  Too late.

Posted by: Mr_Write at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (VJUQK)

246 Buy a huge ranch. Raise all my own food. Set it up as a hunting paradise for my friends and as a vaction retreat for my family and friends. Donate lots of money to children that are sick and wounded soldiers. Travel and fish and hunt all over the world. Oh man ! what  a dream.

Posted by: The Jackhole at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (nTgAI)

247 Would you at least spring for formatting and hyper-links?

Geez. You don't want much, do you? Who do I look like, John Rockefeller?

Posted by: The Mega Independent at March 30, 2012 08:42 AM (gGfQF)

248 Pay someone to ambush Debbie Wasserman Schultz and shave her head.

Posted by: jewells45 at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (l/N7H)

249 Guns & drugs, a couple mountains, heavy earth moving equipment.

Then get wasted & blow shit up all day, everyday.

Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (ligUZ)

250 I would upgrade to Smirnoff. Valu-Rite turns my skin yellow.

Posted by: km at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (iFQkz)

251 I will get Charles Krauthammer to write for this blog.

Posted by: rdbrewer at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (Iyg03)

252 Buy a nice sailboat and see you suckers later.

Posted by: Bluedog803 at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (RCwVo)

253 239
I'd buy a Chevy Volt.
I'd buy another Chevy Volt so I can get to where I want to go.
I'd buy two more Chevy Volts so I can get back from where I went.
I'd buy a fire truck to put out the Chevy Volts as the inevitable burst into flames..
I'd buy a tractor trailer to carry the Chevy Volts and the fire truck.
I'd buy a wrecker to haul away the smoldering hulks of the Chevy Volts.
I'd buy a law firm to sue the shit out of Chevy for making this piece of shit.
Then I'd go buy a Tesla...

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 01:41 PM (ONGk1)



LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (GQ8sn)

254 Obama is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at March 30, 2012 08:43 AM (vd4t0)

255

sock fail

 

Posted by: phoenixgirl at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (h8UT+)

256 then I'd fix the fucking ampersands on this site.

Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (ligUZ)

257 232 Create or save eight green jobs.

Posted by: Preznit Barakabama at March 30, 2012 01:40 PM (MMC8r)


-----------------


We are talking about using our own money, not taxpayer money, you dopey bastard.

Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (aZYcK)

258 With that kind of money you wouldn't need one, but you could probably rent any one you wanted. Posted by: Retread at March 30, 2012 01:37 PM (joSBv) Yeah.. come to think of it.. why on earth would I want one?!

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (DGIjM)

259 I'd write some code that made double posting mandatory.

Posted by: Riding... at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (se+z+)

260 Why, run for Governor of California, of course.

Posted by: Meg Whitman at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (+XVQe)

261 I'd buy Daily Kos and ban everyone.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (PJ+vx)

262 I would ask Ace to poll his fellow conservative bloggers and then his readership for the most influential liberal rags.  I would then buy them and promptly disband them.

Posted by: MacGruber at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (sWgE+)

263 Get the newest Apple product a week early and spend the next 7 days lording over dumbasses waiting in line at the Apple store.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:44 AM (5wsU9)

264 Buy a tank full of gas?

Posted by: the hobbit fomerly known as Donna at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (ZHge+)

265 &

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (5wsU9)

266 Buy Rowdy Roddy Piper some bubblegum.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (MMC8r)

267 I'd pay off my parents' mortgages, my loans and any odds and ends.  I'd set aside enough to buy a small out of the way farm and found my own distillery.  Then I'd found a boys school dedicated to restoring self reliance and American manhood.  I'm talking shop classes and manly authors in American literature and PE classes that involve boxing and fencing and marksmanship. 

Posted by: Alex at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (tlK1P)

268 I'd buy Westminster Cathedral and give it to the Vatican.

Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (NVu2l)

269 I would mix my scotch with the distilled tears of uninsured illegal immigrant widows and orphans, who I pay below minimum wage to cry all day while looking at pictures of me in my Gulfstream.

Posted by: major major major major at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (utCAk)

270 buy a q ship yacht and go on pirate safari

Posted by: Dr. Science at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (8Yc/9)

271 163 1. Pay off debt
2. Give what few family I have left enough to be comfortable
3. Give to Charity
4. Buy arable, but defensibleland
5. Buy tons of food
6. Buy tons of guns 'n ammo
7. Buy precious metals along with other precious commodities
8. Build large house with big basement and tons of secret passage, because secret passages are cool
9. Invest the rest in extremely diverse portfolio (real estate, securities, foreign currency, start angel investing)
10. Christina Hendricks

Posted by: Burn the Witch at March 30, 2012 01:32 PM (rX1N2)


Get out of my head. RIGHT NOW.

Posted by: joncelli, heartless Con and all around unpleasant guy at March 30, 2012 08:45 AM (RD7QR)

272 I'd buy Debbie Wasserman-Schultz a new flea collar.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (VndSC)

273 I'd buy the world a Coke,
and keep them company

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (wtvvX)

274 Soledad O'Brien's earpiece.

that commentator almost made me choke to death on laughter the last time live blogging occured.

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (TomZ9)

275 Pay to have Herman Cain shadow me and spout of 9-9-9 and inappropriate times.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (5wsU9)

276 263 I'd buy Daily Kos and ban everyone. Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 01:44 PM (PJ+vx) I would put Jane in charge of spending lots money on torturing liberals.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (DGIjM)

277 Hookers and blow.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (GQ8sn)

278

I'm Batman

 

Hey, Dr. Sheldon Cooper, Ph.D. is right, all you need is sufficient venture capital to be Batman.

 

 

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (VtjlW)

279 I would make a new will fast. Talk to an atty and tax consultant. Wait a bit before claiming ticket and try to hide my identity. Give money away. Find new digs. Go live in the UK and visit all the museums and archaeological digs. Also visit europe. Can't decide whether to buy apts in places like NYC or just to stay in expensive hotels when visiting. I think I'd like a little farm with dogs, cats, goats, chicks, ducks.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (s6QDI)

280 I would fund and produce all of the funny ScyFy movies Ace could think of.

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (wuv1c)

281 Then I'd found a boys school dedicated to restoring self reliance and American manhood. I'm talking shop classes and manly authors in American literature and PE classes that involve boxing and fencing and marksmanship.

I'd like to be a part of this dream.

I'll be in my bunk.

Posted by: Jerry Sandusky at March 30, 2012 08:46 AM (QKKT0)

282 275 I'd buy the world a Coke,
and keep them company
Heck, you could afford to teach them to sing too.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (VndSC)

283 what will likely happen is a crazy liberal will win and donate a 400 million to soros and tides foundation

Posted by: willow at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (TomZ9)

284

2 mil to each family member and the rest to fund a teen and young adult cancer treatment center at UTSW Med Ctr.  I bought 1 ticket, I do not feel lucky but you never know.

Posted by: snowcrash at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (t2NQr)

285 I would be dead within a year. Just kidding. Three months.

Posted by: Jim Treacher at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (X3KAb)

286 I'd buy 200 million chances to win dinner with my lord Obama

Posted by: Raykon at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (Y+DPZ)

287 Start a Spanish-language conservative media empite for TV and internet. Because as Mark Steyn says, demography is destiny.

Posted by: Arms Merchant at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (+XVQe)

288 Make the cast of "Morning Joe" into a Human Centipede.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (MMC8r)

289 I'd buy Dan Rather a clue.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (PJ+vx)

290 Congressman WingNut, your chariot awaits.

Posted by: DaveA (singing keys to her Ferrari) at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (wwFlb)

291 I would buy 50 acres in a remote area, build my dream house...from the American Craftsman Bungalow era...and then spend the rest of my days landscaping the 50 acres ala Buchart Gardens in Victoria, BC. My dogs would never, ever be on a leash again. I'd also buy a bigger RV. My regular charities would get their monthly contributions upgraded.

Posted by: Jypsea Rose~AoSHQ Graveyard Shift at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (digkk)

292 2 i would be off of the grid and hidden forever. kiss it. Posted by: mbruce at March 30, 2012 01:08 PM (Fr8N6) This.

Posted by: NukemHill at March 30, 2012 08:47 AM (7WLzC)

293 232 Create or save eight green jobs. Posted by: Preznit Barakabama at March 30, 2012 01:40 PM (MMC8r) OMG.. can I tweet that?

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:48 AM (DGIjM)

294 Buy the internet.

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 30, 2012 08:48 AM (FjlRV)

295 Has anyone mentioned building some powerd armor and becoming a super hero? With Angelina Jolie as my plucky administrative assistant.

Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 08:48 AM (NVu2l)

296 I'd work real hard trying to  figure how to pay less taxes on it than Warren Buffett's secretary pays.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 08:48 AM (VndSC)

297 Pay for Peggy Joseph's gas and mortgage.

Posted by: EC at March 30, 2012 08:49 AM (GQ8sn)

298

I would also fix up my childhood home.  My deadbeat older brother is living in it now and it is falling apart.  It's an architectural landmark in my hometown.  I would buy him a  trailer outside of town and anew pickup truck so he can live like proper trailer trash.  If I give him money he will blow it at the racetrack.

 

Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 08:49 AM (qE3AR)

299 I'd spend a couple of mil finding Barry's college transcripts and give them to Fox News.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:49 AM (PJ+vx)

300 I'd buy the Lakers and trade Kobe Bryant to the Knicks for Jeremy Lin.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (wtvvX)

301 Open up a tech center in Nigeria and exclusively spam liberals.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (5wsU9)

302

Just kidding. Three months.

 

I figure I'll get hit by a meteor on the way to collect the money.

Posted by: alexthechick - SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (VtjlW)

303
Buy an evening with Hayden Panettiere

Posted by: Sphynx at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (fEmj2)

304 I would hoarde an arsen... er, build a collection of firearms.

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (ONGk1)

305 Bankrupt George Soros.Posted by: Nighthawk

Fine idea but you'd have to put it all on a 50-1 shot.

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (wwFlb)

306 Get Rush Limbaugh named Dean of Harvard.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (MMC8r)

307 Go to Vegas and put it all on red.

Posted by: S Daniel at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (BVkEs)

308 Does the Batcave have its own Man Cave?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (FjlRV)

309 If my grandma was still alive.. she would be 95 today. Bless her soul.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (DGIjM)

310 265 Get the newest Apple product a week early and spend the next 7 days lording over dumbasses waiting in line at the Apple store.
Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 01:44 PM

Put it on the ground, take a dump on it, then back away and watch them fight over it.

Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 08:50 AM (RzLbD)

311 "The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics. Posted by: Roy" Absolutely, but once or twice a month I pay that $1.00 tax on a state multimillion dollar lotto ticket. By the way, on a cruise my sister and I spent the week seated in the dining room with a couple who both worked in Atlantic City casinos. They didn't gamble at all. It's for suckers, and this sucker throws away between $12 and $24 a year on it.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (Fow2f)

312 1 spin of roulette.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (5wsU9)

313 I'd buy a really kickass home theatre.  I'd pay George Lucas to sit with me while I re-watched the Star Wars  prequels and "improved" originals.  I'd then zap him with a Tazer hardwired into the house until he apologizes for them or the power company throws the breaker .  His choice. 

Posted by: Jaws at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (4I3Uo)

314 I'd buy The Wizard Of Oz and colorize the black and white parts, then turn the parts in color to black and white.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (KNvk+)

315

>>Buy an evening with Hayden Panettiere

Dude, you could probably afford that now.

 

I rememeber reading that Lohan was whoring herself for a reasonable price(low thousands I think)

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (wuv1c)

316 I'd feel really guilty because I didn't buy a ticket. For at least a minute.

Posted by: keninnorcal at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (MZxBc)

317 Buy an evening with Hayden Panettiere

Posted by: Sphynx at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (fEmj2)



Which package would you like?  Economy, Elite, or VIP?

Posted by: Hayden Panettiere parents at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (GQ8sn)

318 Buy Mardi Gras, and have it at my house

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (wtvvX)

319 I'd buy every slumlord apt house in the neighborhood, raze them to the ground and hire a staff of gardeners to grow fresh food and flowers for the remaining residents.

Posted by: Derak at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (VEhDR)

320 First thing:  Make sure I had the money, that it wasn't just talk-in-a-mist.

Second:  New car.  Nothing super-fancy, just one I like.

Third:  That squealing noise you hear is my tires as I take off from this pesthole (Loozyana) and look for a better place to live.  As I said on another thread, New Zealand is not out of the question, if they'll let me in.

Definitely do some traveling.  EnZed, Britain, Norway/Sweden/Denmark.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (exvgC)

321 Make vajazzling covered by health insurance.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (MMC8r)

322

Nobody has mentioned this one yet:

 

Buy the New York Times from Carlos Slim, make Ann Coulter the editor, and tuen it into a conservative paper.

Posted by: rockmom at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (NYnoe)

323 Hire Jack Whittaker's financial advisor...

Posted by: Mr Wolf at March 30, 2012 08:51 AM (Tv41j)

324 I'd buy this blog and straighten some shit out.
Posted by: Dr Spank


BUY ALL THE BLOGS!  oops, MemeBase leakage

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 08:52 AM (wwFlb)

325 309 Go to Vegas and put it all on red.

Posted by: S Daniel at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (BVkEs)



By back the last three minutes so my post comes first

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:52 AM (5wsU9)

326 "...I'd found a boys school dedicated to restoring self reliance and American manhood. I'm talking shop classes and manly authors in American literature and PE classes that involve boxing and fencing and marksmanship."

^This

Posted by: Arms Merchant at March 30, 2012 08:52 AM (+XVQe)

327 I'd buy a farm and fill it with fluffy bunnies

Then open Kbdabear's Bunny Hunting Ranch

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 08:52 AM (Y+DPZ)

328 Buy more lottery tickets. (Dude, I'm on a hot streak!)

Posted by: notropis at March 30, 2012 08:52 AM (cjcCc)

329 Oh, and "arrange" for a new girlfriend to keep me entertained, IYKWIMAITYD.  Shouldn't be hard to find one, or several dozen.

Posted by: Wolfus Aurelius at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (exvgC)

330 In some amount of seriousness, my "plan" (dream is a better word)

Pay off a variety of bills for myself and my family (mortgages, cars, etc.)
Buy a house in or near Traverse City, MI (it would be rented out most of the year)
Rebuild the house on the family farm, and put in the needed improvements to make the farm functional again.
Set up small but significant trusts for my children.
Give very large sums to a few select charities.
Invest the rest.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) SMOD 2012 at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (8y9MW)

331 I'd get some magic beans and grow me a space elevator. That giant punkass is going down.

Posted by: derit at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (FQlFL)

332 I'd buy a shit load of condoms and have them delivered to Sandra Fluke's front door.

Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (PJ+vx)

333

Tell you one thing. You win that kind of money, you wouldn't sleep well for a month...

 

Hell, I won $5000 in the first month that California started the lottery. And this was a scratch ticket. I probably should have called in sick to work when I won it, as I'm not sure I was exactly  sober when I showed up to work that night.

 

It was nice and all, paid for me to fly to Germany and visit my sister. But I have rarely ever bought another ticket. I just figure I got lucky once, so why keep doing it?

 

That being said, good luck to the rest of you!

Posted by: HH at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (KB0hv)

334
Buy a Chevy Volt. Throw out the baterry drive and put a 6.7 Liter Power Stroke Turbo Diesel in it. Oh and a periscope to see over the motor when I drive it.

Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (tf9Ne)

335 Buy the New York Times from Carlos Slim, make Ann Coulter the editor, and tuen it into a conservative paper.

Have I got a deal for you.

Posted by: Newsweek at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (QKKT0)

336 I'm going to buy four things:

A big-ass SUV.
An American Express card.
An account to pay the bill every month.

A new laptop (mine's five years old this month) so I can post pictures of my three-year cross-country beer binge to Flickr.


After that, farm near one of Great Lakes. Then I can cash in on farm subsidies to pay for all my living and business expenses.  Suckas.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (ZKzrr)

337 Move to Manitoba. Dude, wait, I already live in Manitoba. So I can't play? Balls! But I live in Manitoba? Hurrah!

Posted by: ProperDrunk at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (EffI7)

338 Absolutely, but once or twice a month I pay that $1.00 tax on a state multimillion dollar lotto ticket. By the way, on a cruise my sister and I spent the week seated in the dining room with a couple who both worked in Atlantic City casinos. They didn't gamble at all. It's for suckers, and this sucker throws away between $12 and $24 a year on it. Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 01:51 PM (Fow2f) I play the lotto too. My state lotto every single drawing. Its my only vice.. and its fun.

Posted by: Jumbo Jogging Shrimp at March 30, 2012 08:53 AM (DGIjM)

339 I'd buy a little bit of land.

Maybe Montana and Wyoming.

Posted by: DarkFlounder at March 30, 2012 08:54 AM (n0tOS)

340 AccountANT. 

Dammit. Can't type for shit today.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 08:54 AM (ZKzrr)

341 Rollerball.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:54 AM (MMC8r)

342 I'd buy the New York Times and fill it with comic strips cover to cover. I'll bet that circulation increases. Ditto Newsweak and Time.

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 08:54 AM (ONGk1)

343 I'd pay the taxes on it, and then just gift the rest to the Treasury because I'm certain Washington DC would spend it better than I. As if! I'd spend some to outfit Hobos with better weapons to give Ace more of a challenge.

Posted by: Sean Fisher at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (hKyl0)

344 I would visit each and every bake sale and lemonade stand established by young tykes to help pay down the national debt and buy just one comestible. One.

It's gonna take the rest of my stash to buy the gasoline needed to motor about, buckeroos!

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (7GfKM)

345 I would try to buy a nuclear weapon from Russia. I would make the launch code "123456"

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (wuv1c)

346 If Obama wins reelection I could try to pay my taxes, mortgage, and health insurance - not sure if there would be much left after that.  I might still be able to buy an ounce or two of gold if the market doesn't skyrocket too quickly.

If a Republican (other than Romney) wins, I'm investing in the stock market, starting my own business, and hiring some employees!

Posted by: Norcross at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (RM0br)

347 I'd buy the whole city block surrounding the Ground Zero Mosque and run a free 24-hour bacon-and-porkchops BBQ buffet.

Has that mosque plan gone bankrupt yet? Or is Obama's stimulus contribution keeping it on life support?

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (a5ljo)

348 First off, best option always to take cash. Deposit check in bank. Pay taxes which will amount to at least 50% of it leaving $231M.

Move to mountains either Montana, Wyoming, NV, or NC. Build big house with backup 2500KW generator and 10,000 gal fuel oil tank. Fill house with survival food and arms. Make sure house is designed to shed at least a 155mm round. Have hidden bunker away from house underground and IR disguised.

Do not let anyone know where I live. Convert rest of the money to gold and silver.

Posted by: Vic at March 30, 2012 08:55 AM (YdQQY)

349 Dude, if you cloned the Death Star you wouldn't have to buy it. Think, man, think!

Posted by: Dr. Varno at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (FjlRV)

350 I would for Bill Watterson to bring back Calvin and Hobbes

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (wuv1c)

351 force

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (wuv1c)

352 I'd buy Detroit, build a wall and moat around it and Call it Entropyville.

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (ONGk1)

353 I would not hand people money, especially those who should be supporting themselves now or in the future.  One of the most destructive things you can do to someone. 

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (C2//T)

354 I would try to buy a nuclear weapon from Russia. I would make the launch code "123456" Hey, I've got the same combination on my luggage!

Posted by: President Skroob at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (MMC8r)

355 Huge chunk of land, with dozens of purpose-built buildings for hobbies, dedicated uses, whatever. Horses, of course. Also a massive seaside (Cape Cod) estate. Then pretty much travel around the world looking for other awesome places to buy.

Posted by: Lincolntf at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (HethX)

356 I'd build a very large home for young  single mothers.

Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 08:56 AM (NVu2l)

357 I would quit my job, of course, and I would help some members of my family out who need it badly, and I would live a life of leisure and travel.  And I'd buy a new car.  And I'd get tickets to Cowboys games.  And I'd go to Superbowl every damn year.   

Posted by: Theresa at March 30, 2012 08:57 AM (rKcyp)

358 Turn all Planned Parenthood's into strip clubs.

Posted by: Dr Spank at March 30, 2012 08:57 AM (KNvk+)

359 Actually, with that kind of money, I could probably buy a 1000 sq ft flat in Munich and have enough leftover for a one-way plane ticket.  Only exaggerating slightly.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 08:57 AM (ZKzrr)

360 <<I'd buy a farm and fill it with fluffy bunnies

Then open Kbdabear's Bunny Hunting Ranch>>

Are you the bunny guy from Thunderbolt and Lightfoot?

http://tinyurl.com/ctbjyw2

Posted by: Buzzsaw at March 30, 2012 08:57 AM (tf9Ne)

361 Hmmm...

What custom episode could I have Parker and Stone create next season?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse at March 30, 2012 08:57 AM (piMMO)

362 Give $1.25 to every American.

Posted by: S Daniel at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (BVkEs)

363 Make sure the other eople in the lottery pool never found out we won. (Just kidding; I only have two tickets There was a real story about a creep who tried to cheat the others in the pool; I/m hoping that the person holding the ticket of the pool my spouse is in is more honest if they win, but nobody knows what the numbers are.)

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (/3OmY)

364 I'd buy LGF and pull a reverse-Johnson.

Posted by: supercore23 at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (bwV72)

365 >>I would not hand people money, especially those who should be supporting themselves now or in the future.

Yup. You want my money, you gotta milk my cows.

Posted by: HeatherRadish at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (ZKzrr)

366 I would spend the time and money to get my golf game in shape and then play all of the best courses in the world, bringing along some of my best friends.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (C2//T)

367 I'd buy a women's prison with a very large communal showering area.

Posted by: Cicero at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (QKKT0)

368 351 I'd buy the whole city block surrounding the Ground Zero Mosque and run a free 24-hour bacon-and-porkchops BBQ buffet.

Has that mosque plan gone bankrupt yet? Or is Obama's stimulus contribution keeping it on life support?

------------------


Last I heard they are trying to raise money. I predict that it will very quietly be subsidized by the taxpayers.

Posted by: real joe at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (aZYcK)

369 Pay someone to make an electronic version of Solitaire where you can cheat.

Posted by: taylork at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (5wsU9)

370 One more thing, I would get me one of those 950HP Shelby Mustangs. And speed up and down the roads collecting tickets.

Posted by: Vic at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (YdQQY)

371 "138 Buy Joe Biden a brain.

A monkey brain."


Meh.  It's been done.

Posted by: slug at March 30, 2012 08:58 AM (nw0/s)

372 I'd let my wife drop down to part-time on her job.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 08:59 AM (wtvvX)

373 I'd put you all on notice.

The guys would get shirts!

That's just the fucking way it will be.

Posted by: jimmuy at March 30, 2012 08:59 AM (kSaUf)

374 The All Anson-Williams Network.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 08:59 AM (MMC8r)

375 15 "Purchase the biggest dildo in the world and stuff it in Pelosi's cooter." Her big mouth would be a better choice.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 08:59 AM (Fow2f)

376 I'd probably put most of it in bonds. TO THE EXTREME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted by: MJ at March 30, 2012 09:00 AM (/x4oj)

377 I'd pay homeless people to get plastic surgery to look like prominent liberals and go around making asses of themselves.

Posted by: bad guy at March 30, 2012 09:00 AM (ligUZ)

378 Change my name to ACORN spend it lobbying for a $30 billion grant from the Obama administration.

Posted by: X at March 30, 2012 09:00 AM (8Yc/9)

379 I'd start a vigilante group that hunts down serial killers and people that rape children.

Posted by: Jack Reacher at March 30, 2012 09:00 AM (nBE5A)

380 I would put into motion my longstanding plan to establish a chain of Schools for Wayward Nymphomaniacs and vote myself into the position of Headmaster.

Posted by: Krebs v Carnot: Epic Battle of the Cycling Stars at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (7GfKM)

381 I would acquire the site next to the Victory Mosque, and make it into a an Early Medieval themed strip bar/restaurant that served elusively pork products, bone-in where ever possible; I'd call it For The Men, or FTM for short or maybe Pig Eating Crusaders.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose finally remembers why he's here at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (0q2P7)

382 Buy 100 gorillas, inject them with meth and then release them in downtown San Francisco

Posted by: Ben at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (wuv1c)

383 335 I'd buy a shit load of condoms and have them delivered to Sandra Fluke's front door.
Posted by: Jane D'oh at March 30, 2012 01:53 PM

It takes 100 shitloads to make a boatload you know

Posted by: Justice Kagan at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (Y+DPZ)

384 As if!


****

I'm kinda missing my old handle now.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (piMMO)

385 @380  Since she talks out of her twat, I think only one will suffice to serve both purposes...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (wtvvX)

386

I would be more than willing to provide some seed money for legit business ideas for those who I think have something on the ball and are willing to work hard to make a go of it. 

 

People I know and relatives I rarely see who come to me with a hand out... 

 

Not. A. Chance.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 09:01 AM (C2//T)

387 You want my money, you gotta milk my cows.
Posted by: HeatherRadish™ at March 30, 2012 01:58 PM


That's what you're calling them now?

Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 09:02 AM (RzLbD)

388 For those of you who say the lottery is a tax on people who don't understand statistics, you're correct most of the time.  However, when the expected value of a ticket is greater than the purchase price (as is the case when the payout gets really large, like now), then statistics say you should buy a ticket.

Posted by: ARL at March 30, 2012 09:02 AM (X4Pz8)

389 College money for kids, nieces, nephews

Money for friends and family

Get a bit nicer house, couple decent cars

Give a bunch to my church, other charities

Give Ace a large enough shot to the tip jar so that he could hunt hobos for sport only, instead of as a food source

After that I dunno

Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 09:02 AM (ZWvOb)

390 I'd give it to Newt.org. Payback's a bitch, Mitt

Posted by: infidelphia at March 30, 2012 09:03 AM (YJdgp)

391 I'd take that money and go to my mother who's been scrubbing floors on her knees since I was a child so that she could see that I've had all the best opportunities in life and went to a good college and buy her a new scrub brush.

Posted by: nickless at March 30, 2012 09:03 AM (MMC8r)

392 I met a guy two weeks ago worth 2.9 billion. He seemed rather nice. He owns an island in Hawaii. He is a vegan and 87. Owns Dole Foods among other things.

***

Is he single?

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:03 AM (piMMO)

393 8 The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics.

Posted by: Roy at March 30, 2012 01:09 PM (VndSC)

The odds that I see a return on Social Security are only slightly better than the odds that I hit the jackpot tonight.



Posted by: Broseidon, Lord of the Brocean at March 30, 2012 09:03 AM (XwdrA)

394 Pay someone to train my lab to quit counter-surfing...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:04 AM (wtvvX)

395 I would buy Key West and rename it Moron Island. Permanent meetup!

Posted by: Owen Kellogg at March 30, 2012 09:04 AM (7DNe4)

396 It takes 100 shitloads to make a boatload you know


***

I never did master metrics.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:05 AM (piMMO)

397 Fine idea but you'd have to put it all on a 50-1 shot.

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 01:50 PM (wwFlb)


Sure, if I did it legally.


Legally is for poor people.

Posted by: Nighthawk at March 30, 2012 09:05 AM (RSqz2)

398 I would buy EPA headquarters and declare it a wetland...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:05 AM (wtvvX)

399 396 College money for kids, nieces, nephews

Money for friends and family

Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 02:02 PM (ZWvOb)         Let me know how that works for you when those friends and family members come crawling back asking for more after they have blown it all on crap.  Because every single one of them will.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (C2//T)

400 I'd buy a lake with an island on the middle of it, and build a mansion on that island.

Then I'd fill the lake with pirhannas and take out ads in every medium insulting the Occupoopers complete with the address where I can be "spoken to"

I'd have some fellow morons over to watch the pirhannas devour the encroaching hippies.

I'd have it live streamed for the rest of you of course. I'm generous that way

Posted by: kbdabear at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (Y+DPZ)

401 Start a White Anglo-Saxon Protestant Male Scholarship fund at every university in the US.

Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (JGVrO)

402

Sorry if this was said before - didn't read all 289 posts first.

Easy peasy what I'd do with all that money.

I would start a private school and attract disaffected conservative teachers. Develope a curriculum that provides top notch results in actually knowing subjects like math, logic, science, real history but also add classes that teach how to make it in the world. Like a practical class being a small business run from the room. Also, a class or two to be set up so the lessons are automatic in their results where the folly of leftism gets exposed for what it is.

Maybe something like that professor story that went around - "All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A."

Maybe experiencing one student being declared dictator ove the others for things they normally have control over by themselves.

Treating the money everyone brings to class as "taxable". See how many bring anything after that!

 I don't know about those specifically but I would want a board of conservative minded people to be forming all this.

If the kids don't turn out to be stellar graduates and well balanced individuals then it's a failure and needs tweaking.

Posted by: Dadof3 at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (grYyd)

403 Get the guys in the band some shirts

Posted by: paul anka's bandleader at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (9sUlj)

404

Well, I'm already financially secure, so I guess I'd have to take it to the next level.

 

I think I'd buy a town. Own everything, including the sheriff.  Like Brad Wesley in "Roadhouse."

 

So after some business owner complains that the law did nothing after I burned down his building, some old timer will scoff and say, "Law? Huh. There ain't no law in this town but Jeff's Law."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at March 30, 2012 09:06 AM (4ZNCv)

405 Morena! Baccarin! returns! to network television! Tuesday nights at 9 (Eastern), it's Firefly: The Next Generation. Only on Fox!

Simon, of course, must die as the last obstacle between Kaylee and Inara.

Posted by: Little Miss Spellcheck at March 30, 2012 09:07 AM (a5ljo)

406 Fishing off a Destroyer, crewed by Victoria's Secret supermodels.

There'd be enough leftover to fund Alextopia as a tax shelter.

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (wwFlb)

407 I'd pay to have Pelosi's movie shown on a major tee vee network.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (Fow2f)

408 Get my old Denon DP-35 turntable fixed...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (wtvvX)

409 I would donate $5 to ace for the wonderful content of this site. Ok, $4.

Posted by: MJ at March 30, 2012 09:08 AM (/x4oj)

410 And by Pelosi's movie, I mean Alexandra's movie about welfare deadbeats.

Posted by: nerdygirl at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (Fow2f)

411 Buy the NYT.   They can still write all the liberal claptrap they desire, but they have to misspell one word in every sentence and two words in every headline.

Posted by: irright at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (RzLbD)

412 "The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics." Except to the person who wins it... Black swans, all that.

Posted by: ObjectionSustained at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (Yaj4M)

413 I would find out what sex is like.

Posted by: somebody else, not me at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (nZvGM)

414 Let me know how that works for you when those friends and family members come crawling back asking for more after they have blown it all on crap. Because every single one of them will.

I know, but what the hell am I gonna do with all of it? Maybe make an annuity for all those people so they can only blow it a little at a time, unless they see a JG Wentworth commercial.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 09:09 AM (ZWvOb)

415 I would buy 462 NEW lottery tickets!

Posted by: Bob Hostetler at March 30, 2012 09:10 AM (ixTOg)

416 After taxes: www.usamega.com/mega-millions-jackpot.asp

Posted by: Tonic Dog at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (X/+QT)

417 Throw a kegger and have Ace, Iowahawk, Jim Treacher, James Lileks and Tim Blair over for some bar-b-cue.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (wtvvX)

418 Probably stop working and pay off my student loans and revel in my 1%. My wife wants to retire to Maine, for reasons I still don't understand.

Posted by: Penfold at March 30, 2012 09:11 AM (1PeEC)

419 Me and my new best friend Bill Gates will totally elevate the third world by developing a better dung burning stove, thus saving the environment, and coincidentally making it easier for us rich bastards to live our privileged lives guilt free.

Posted by: Sticky Wicket at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (L7hol)

420

1.  10% to church off the top - hard to face God later not tithing out of this one...  Plus I'll need the deduction. 

2.  Massively diversified portfolio managed by no less than 3 Jews.

3.  Set up 5-10 million dollar trust funds for all loved ones, and build my own custom subdivision where they would all live around me.  Friends would be essentially "paid" from those trusts to serve as my entourage.  My favorite at any given time would have honor of carrying the boom box.

4.  Magnificently stunning Vicky's Secret-grade mistresses.  At least 2 of them.

5.  10 million dollar "moron trust" to pay to keep this blog up and running properly.

6.  1 million dollar annual award to be paid to the Right Winger the Left hates the most.

Posted by: Reactionary at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (xUM1Q)

421 Unfortunately I live in a state where you can't claim a prize anonymously. Maybe step one is hire a lawyer to find a loophole.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 09:12 AM (ZWvOb)

422 "330 I'd buy a farm and fill it with fluffy bunnies Then open Kbdabear's Bunny Hunting Ranch" CAN I COME? CAN I COME?

Posted by: nerdygirl's beagle at March 30, 2012 09:13 AM (Fow2f)

423 Buy Newsweek Magazine for $2 and turn it into a clearinghouse for conservative thought and opinion.

Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 09:14 AM (JGVrO)

424 They have to print your name but I don't think you have to pose for photos, etc. Not many people except those who know you will remember you after a week. By then you will have blown town, hold up somewhere anonymously.

Posted by: mike at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (s6QDI)

425 Fix Windows.

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (wtvvX)

426 I would offer a bounty for the capture of the entire leadership of the NBPP.

Posted by: toby928 at March 30, 2012 09:15 AM (GTbGH)

427 Oh well. Back to rk.

It was fun to dream for a while, though...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 09:16 AM (wtvvX)

428 It's unreal how much money that is. I remember living pretty lean as a kid, so the idea of even having that kind of money is crazy.

Of course the sad thing that huge jackpot would only run the Federal government for like 10 minutes.

Posted by: Lemmenkainen at March 30, 2012 09:17 AM (ZWvOb)

429 Well, the first thing you would do with $462 million is pay roughly $200  million or so to the government in taxes.   After that, you'll start paying lawyers to find ways to shelter your wealth from future taxation.   Still, a nice payday... maybe you'll have enough left over to buy some whiskey and cigarettes.

Posted by: The Regular Guy at March 30, 2012 09:18 AM (qHCyt)

430 What would I do with the money? Anything at all.

Posted by: Bosk at March 30, 2012 09:18 AM (n2K+4)

431 A few of my co-workers and I made a deal about 10 years ago as to what we would do:

Wait until the money was in-hand and then....

Show up to work as usual in order to throw the boss off the scent of financial freedom.

Second week: Start coming in about an hour late and claim we were car-pooling to save gas. (It would have been about a 60 mile loop around town.) Leave early to avoid rush-hour traffic.

Third week: Really long lunches. Start developing physical tics while in meetings.

Fourth week: Really long drunken lunches. Stop referring to any other co-workers by name: Substitute nicknames like buttercup, my Lord, and, for the real SOBs, custom names based upon their worst traits.

Fifth week: Disappear from sight.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:19 AM (piMMO)

432 I would offer a bounty for the capture of the entire leadership of the NBPP.


*****

Pam Bondy needs to show up in Sanford and personally deliver the warrant for their arrests.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:20 AM (piMMO)

433 Legally is for poor people.

Well you did say bankrupt.  Fund a Malay snatch team would be cheaper.

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 09:23 AM (wwFlb)

434 Is that enough to marry John Kerry?

Posted by: Ted Striker at March 30, 2012 09:24 AM (SO2Q8)

435

"Most of the states do not levy state taxes on top of the winnings. Only federal."

 

Ohio not only has state income tax on lottery winnings but most cities do too.  Both the city where you live and the city (if different) where you bought the ticket usaully will tax it at 1 to 2% each.

Posted by: Bob from Ohio at March 30, 2012 09:25 AM (ROFkf)

436 I'd hire mitt romney as my press secretary.

Posted by: sad sack at March 30, 2012 09:26 AM (oZfic)

437 Please, Lord, let someone win the jackpot tonight ...

Posted by: Cnovenience Store Clerk at March 30, 2012 09:27 AM (HjPtV)

438 If Bill McKinney was still alive hire him as a bodyguard.

Posted by: DaveA at March 30, 2012 09:28 AM (wwFlb)

439 Buy a huge mansion for Ace and all of us morons.  Then we could go hobo hunting EVERY night!

Posted by: mrdisco at March 30, 2012 09:29 AM (gT3Lg)

440 Buy Kiss Destroyer boots for AtC.  Also buy Kiss.

Posted by: toby928 at March 30, 2012 09:30 AM (GTbGH)

441 I'd call in a bunch of friends and family to claim it with me and I'd assign about 100m of it to them.  This way, they pay income tax on it but there's no gift tax involved.  After that:

1. Buy Tom Pendergast's old house on Ward Parkway in KC. 
2. Buy a jet, just because JEF hates people with jets.
3. Sailboat, big mf'er too.
4. Max out on donations to various candidates of my choosing, starting with Scott Walker.
5. Form my own SuperPAC.

Basically my goal would be to spend it all creating awesome experiences for my family and friends before I die.  You can't take it with you and if you leave it to your kids it only fucks them up.

Posted by: DanInMN at March 30, 2012 09:32 AM (XqeyF)

442

"The lottery is a tax for people who are bad at math, and/or failed statistics.
Posted by: Roy"

Sure.  I like to call it voluntary regressive taxation.

 

But buying a ticket once or twice a week doesn't hurt anything for most people.

 

Its the idiots who spend $10-20 or more every day when they can't afford it that are hurt by it.  

 


 

Posted by: Bob from Ohio at March 30, 2012 09:33 AM (ROFkf)

443

Re-side the house and get the driveway paved. Pay somebody else to mow the lawn. Buy shit for my freinds and relatives (within reason). Set up a trust and leave most the rest of it for my kids.

Oh, yeah,

I'd buy lots and lots of motorcycles & become freinds with Jay Leno.

 

Posted by: West at March 30, 2012 09:34 AM (1Rgee)

444 Give it to Michelle Obama so she can vacation even more.

Posted by: Chris at March 30, 2012 09:37 AM (gI9Bk)

445 Would half a billion buy me enough congress critters to get an exemption from the entire Code of Federal Regulations?

Posted by: Bob Saget at March 30, 2012 09:38 AM (SDkq3)

446

Establish "The Good Guy Lottery" where I give $1 million to a different good person each year. 

Legality and selection process as yet to be determined. 

Posted by: Cash at March 30, 2012 09:40 AM (L/oEo)

447 Its the idiots who spend $10-20 or more every daywhen they can't afford it that are hurt by it.

****

I walked into the convenience store across the street from the hospital where my mother was staying and heard as I walked towards the counter, "Would you like to buy a $30 scratch-off ticket?"

I guffawed. Loudly.

The clerk just stood there, unfazed, waiting for an answer. A second clerk spoke up and said "I think she already answered that question."

That's when I realized he was serious. Really? A $30 scratch-off ticket?!

Yep. He said they sell them all day long.

Posted by: Niedermeyer's Dead Horse, formerly known as 'As If' at March 30, 2012 09:41 AM (piMMO)

448 Oh, and I'd fund research into cybernetics so we can put Scalia's head in a robot body and keep him on the court FOREVER!

Posted by: DanInMN at March 30, 2012 09:43 AM (XqeyF)

449 Pay off a few small things (house, car), then go buy my dream house that's in the middle of nowhere. Literally.

No one will ever find me.

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at March 30, 2012 09:44 AM (Sp/7Y)

450 Quit my job, and then donate the most expensive TV and donate it to the place with the express reason that it stay in the cafeteria and stay on 24/7 for the employees use, and if it did then i would give them several million dollars as a trust fund.  Use to love seeing the visitors and nose-in-the-air docs get ticked when there was employees watching soap operas............working in a hospital sometimes you need something to escape the constant barrage of real life sadness.

Posted by: morigu at March 30, 2012 09:46 AM (QXzRP)

451 I would buy EPA headquarters and declare it a wetland...

Posted by: Tex Lovera at March 30, 2012 02:05 PM (wtvvX)

 

That is a damn fine idea. Isn't Washinton D.C. on what was formerly a swamp?

 

If I am elected emperor....er...president, I promise to put those wetlands back to their pristine, malarial condition.

Posted by: Hydrocarbon Liberation Front at March 30, 2012 09:47 AM (NVu2l)

452 I'd get in shape.
Buy a nice, comfortable house, and then a retreat somewhere that isn't easy to find.
I'd learn guitar and relearn drums.
I'd volunteer more.
I'd homeschool my girls and make sure they live like normal kids.  In short, I don't want them to know about the money.
I'd take care of family members who needed it, and expose those who didn't.
I'd investigate fraud and abuse of taxpayer money and publicize it.

Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at March 30, 2012 09:48 AM (NS2Mo)

453 I would pay off everyone that knows me.

Then I would run for President.

Posted by: cherry at March 30, 2012 09:48 AM (OhYCU)

454 Oh, and Oompa-Loompas.  I need some fucking Oompa-Loompas.  NOOOOWWWWW.

Posted by: grognard, SMOD-Squad at March 30, 2012 09:50 AM (NS2Mo)

455

Well run for president and blow it all on advertising how much better off the country would be with me in charge.  I certainly can't be worse than the SCOAMF that is their now.

Posted by: morigu at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (QXzRP)

456 I would create a forged Kenyan birth certificate... with layers.

Posted by: PDFers at March 30, 2012 09:51 AM (OhYCU)

457 Offer Elena Kagan $10 million to resign from the Supreme Court and work as a cashier in a gas station that I will buy. The only requirement will be that she has to make change the old way, counting the coins up to the dollar, then counting the dollars up to the amount tendered.

Posted by: MathMom at March 30, 2012 09:52 AM (JGVrO)

458 OK, I realize now I was thinking too small...in addition to living in the middle of nowhere, I'd also buy one night with Ewan McGregor. I'd live on it the rest of my life.

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at March 30, 2012 09:53 AM (Sp/7Y)

459 I would buy some beads, and trade them back for New York

Posted by: chief cherry at March 30, 2012 09:55 AM (OhYCU)

460 I would buy a third world country, decimate the local warlords, starve my people out and develop nuclear weapons.

That way, my elected president might like me again.

Posted by: My Sharia Moor at March 30, 2012 09:56 AM (PET8M)

461 After taxes? Buy a candy bar. The big one.

Posted by: EvilMonk at March 30, 2012 09:57 AM (9hZA2)

462
1. Buy a small country
2. Stage 'death to america' rallies
3. Wait for some of those sweet Soros $millions to roll in
4. Funnel the money back to conservative candidates
5. ???
6. Profit!!!

Posted by: chief cherry at March 30, 2012 09:58 AM (OhYCU)

463 I'd punch above my weight.

Posted by: mare at March 30, 2012 10:04 AM (A98Xu)

464 KONY 2012!!!

Posted by: Froggy at March 30, 2012 10:04 AM (zMtW6)

465 Great Cartoon:
http://blogs.indystar.com/varvelblog/

"The largest jackpot ever would be spent by the Feds in 95 minutes"

Posted by: 2nd Amendment Mother at March 30, 2012 10:11 AM (L4CWX)

466 Every year I buy $3 - $10 in Lotto tickets. For this drawing I have a $1 quickpick. 1st thing I would do is hire a financial adviser to squirrel my own money away from me before I go to the strip club.

Posted by: Contributor X at March 30, 2012 10:13 AM (jPQ8A)

467 Answered this one yesterday.

I would carpet bomb Indonesia with porn.

Posted by: Dave in Fla at March 30, 2012 10:14 AM (Why44)

468

A little late to the party here, but it has been fun reading the responses. I haven't bought a ticket (yet). I might later this evening after my son's baseball practice.

I noticed that several of you have mentioned that you would donate some to your church. At my church, my pastor has expressly stated that he would not accept an offering or tithe given from lottery money. He says that it is the same thing as gambling and Christians should not be doing that.

Posted by: DaveinNC at March 30, 2012 10:14 AM (boNGU)

469 469 - You would certainly rate a deep bow at the very least.

Posted by: mina at March 30, 2012 10:15 AM (DjGly)

470

First  I  would  buy  and  train  a  polar  bear.   I'd  give  enough  money  to  the   RNC  so  that   I'd   get  an  invite  to  speak  at  the  convention  and  I  would  ride  my  polar  bear  to  the  speaker's  podium.  Astride  my  bear,  I  would  give  a  short  speech;  "Alright  you  worthless  sacks  of  shit,  the  country  can't  afford  anymore  of  your  RINO  bullshit.  You  have  a  job  to  do,  don't  fuck  it  up.  I'm  looking  at  you, Mitt."

 

Second  I'd  hire  all  the  dwarfs  I  could  find  and  send  them  around  the  country  to  harass  Obama  at  every  campaign  stop  he  made.  I'd  have  them  yell  "You  Stuttering  Cluster  Fuck  of  a  Miserable  Failure"  every  time  he  opened  his  mouth.

 

Third  I'd  hire  Alexthechick  to  defend  me  from  the  legion  of  lawsuits   my  actions  would  incur. 

Posted by: Larsen E. Whipsnade at March 30, 2012 10:18 AM (6BgmB)

471 At my church, my pastor has expressly stated that he would not accept an offering or tithe given from lottery money.

Yeah, my old pastor said the same thing.  The Church Council reminded him that he was just an employee.

Posted by: toby928 at March 30, 2012 10:24 AM (GTbGH)

472 I don't know.  Would that be enough to keep me in rubbers for a year?

Posted by: Sandra Fluke at March 30, 2012 10:28 AM (C9bRU)

473 I would pay a horde of people to stalk, harass, pester and annoy Sharpton, Jackson and each twit on the MFM each minute of their sorry-ass lives, throw enough frivolous lawsuits at each Dem to bankrupt them....bascially do to those assholes what they did to Palin...then do whatever I can to put the NYT out of business. $50 million to Iraq/Afghanistan vets, and then another $50 million to take Breitbart's ideas to the big-time. Take care of my family with $20 million, the rest for me to spend on guns, cars, travel and more guns.  And a couple mil to a good animal welfare org. And more guns.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 10:29 AM (YbQJm)

474

I have a son who is an active duty Marine, so I'd do something for the Corps. Say a preloaded Kindle Fire for every Marine, that'd come in close to $2,000,000. Or say 3 mil for the entire Marine Corps Reading List and some other things I'd sneak in (Heinlein's Starship Troopers). And a $100 credit per reader for other purchases.

 

Posted by: TANSTAAFL at March 30, 2012 10:30 AM (iaOP0)

475 #477 I rather admire your pastor for saying that. It IS gambling, but since I'm the pastor at the church I serve I can give it whomever I want to ;^) and if the higher ups want to remove my orders because I wanted to give money so that our church could help provide for the increasing numbers of poor folks using our food pantry I'd probably say something rude and then (slightly) regret it. I'm not sure when the drawing is but you might want to buy a ticket a soon as you can

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 10:31 AM (/3OmY)

476 Payoff Obama's golf tab. With the remaining $7, I'd buy a MichelleO a happy meal.

Posted by: ObamaSux at March 30, 2012 10:34 AM (gKz+d)

477 one more thing....purchase and publicly destroy anything that makes Michael Moore happy.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 10:36 AM (YbQJm)

478

Unleash O'Keefe & gang to wreak as much liberal havoc as possible.

Posted by: WH2012 at March 30, 2012 10:37 AM (gKz+d)

479 Is Christina Hendricks for sale? If not, is there a wax model of her?

Posted by: Max Entropy at March 30, 2012 10:37 AM (ONGk1)

480 I'd buy a bunch of Richie  Rich comics and use them for  inspiration and demand aks  why  my team of architects  hasn't  gotten that shit done in mandatory  weekly 3 hour long conference calls  held every Friday at 2:00 pm. I'd  keep them on the line for and extra hour while I get all fucked up and start talking gibberish. They'd grow to love me and send  letters to "Last Comic Standing" demanding that I get my shot.

Posted by: Jack Reacher at March 30, 2012 10:37 AM (nBE5A)

481 2 words:  SHIT WOULD GET THE FUCKIN REAL.

Posted by: ShitGetsReal at March 30, 2012 10:39 AM (gKz+d)

482 with the half million I have left....purchase and bulldoze Detroit.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 10:39 AM (YbQJm)

483

I'd be patriotic and give it all to Uncle Sam paying down the national debt by 0.003%.

Not really.  I'd sock it away in the Caymans. 

Posted by: Warren Buffett at March 30, 2012 10:41 AM (jtTKf)

484 Wait until the government coerces everyone into buying lottery tickets under the Commerce Clause, its for the children....

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2012 10:42 AM (8Tjk8)

485 Wonder how much it would cost to buy off PETA and have Newkirk fired?

Posted by: Anna Puma at March 30, 2012 10:43 AM (8Tjk8)

486 I promise, if I win the money, that I will: Buy a ride on a SpaceX or Virgin ship, which ever one will really take me to orbit, not on one that is suborbital. Buy a seat in a racecar, in a medium power class, not open wheeled, with everything included, for a full season. Buy a house on Maui. Purchase a nice long ride in a fighter jet, not one of those ones to make me sick, but to really enjoy the view and the good bits. Obtain a glider license. Buy a glider. Angel invest. Hire someone to study small, smart and hard working, companies and bring them to my attention so that I can help them grow. Hire a language tutor. Hire a programming tutor. Eat really good tasting things all of the time.

Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 10:45 AM (RC3M9)

487

Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 03:45 PM (RC3M9)

 

The Family Guy "cowboy-astronaut-millionaire" approach, in a way...

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 10:47 AM (YbQJm)

488

Diego...

 

Sweaty....

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 10:48 AM (YbQJm)

489 lol fill a pool with cash and roll around nekkid in it

Posted by: jimmytheclaw at March 30, 2012 10:52 AM (TyaeD)

490

The Lord works in mysterious ways, like, you know, he kills babies and stuff and everything  happens for a reason or something. But lottery money is of the devil. Don't give me any of that hellspawn.

Posted by: a foolish pastor that specializes in children's funerals at March 30, 2012 10:55 AM (nBE5A)

491 I'd get really buff and for Halloween, do the whole Mad Max thing, going as Humungus.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:02 AM (YbQJm)

492 I can't believe that no one has given the AOSHQ-approved answer:

Hookers and blow.

Posted by: Zombie John Gotti at March 30, 2012 11:02 AM (Gkhxf)

493 I'd give it all to the US Federal Government because they are much wiser and frugal in their use of money.

Posted by: Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, and Patriotic Millionaires at March 30, 2012 11:03 AM (x7g7t)

494 I'd buy the University of Notre Dame, have an exorcism done on the grounds - and then make it Catholic again.

Posted by: Schnarf at March 30, 2012 11:04 AM (ipirO)

495 Shit, even my accountants would have hookers and blow.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:04 AM (YbQJm)

496 If you don't win, don't be discouraged ... "A new life awaits you in the off-world colonies! A chance to begin again in a golden land of opportunity and adventure!"  ... cue the music ...

Posted by: And Irresolute at March 30, 2012 11:05 AM (RC3M9)

497 501, check 279. Already been done.

Posted by: blindside at March 30, 2012 11:06 AM (x7g7t)

498 Have a pallet of condoms delivered to Sandra Fluckernutter, gift-wrapped of course.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:06 AM (YbQJm)

499 If I won the pot, I'd keep it quiet.
1. Call everyone I know and ask/leave a message - if I could borrow $5,000.  People who don't return the call get their numbers blocked when I go public. 
2. Get a 1st rate accountant, lawyer & tax attorney, shelter as much as I can.
3. Get an unlisted phone # & keep the current one...just to hear the begging.
4. Get some medical attention for some chronic problems I have.
5. Tell off every single jerkoff client I've ever had and retire.
6. Wipeout everything about me online - every reference, picture, email, whatever.  
7. Ditch this rent stabilized top floor walkup, put my valuables in storage, sell the rest and get a hotel room. 
8. Get a hotshot makeup artist to completely change how I look for the inevitable photo opp when I pickup the cash. 
9. Buy a place in Hawaii and move there.
10. Buy a house for my brother and set him up so he can retire, but figure out a way to require his ungrateful, manipulative phony-ass wife and disrespectful daughter to kiss his ass hourly for every dime.
10. Buy a house for my cousin and fix her medical issues.
11. Pay whatever it costs to fix my mom's failing eyesight.
12. Pay off - at minimum wage - the relatives who have been looking out for my 95 year old mom a four hour drive away from me, and who have been whining and complaining to her about it the whole time and suggesting I give up my life and move there to care for her.
13. A month at a top notch spa would be nice, with a little plastic surgery.
14. Get a car and driver. 

Posted by: vivi at March 30, 2012 11:15 AM (uCx2P)

500 Shit, even my accountants would have hookers and blow.

I laughed out loud.

Posted by: toby928 at March 30, 2012 11:15 AM (GTbGH)

501 I would use it to buy $740M.

Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 11:19 AM (bSxaZ)

502 Immediately start growing six clones of my liver and kidneys in vats. And teach them that I expect great things from them in the future.

Have a tattoo of a more attractive man applied over my entire body.

Start a blog.

Hire some really hawt stalkers.

Buy my kid the best classical education tutoring you can find in a 6' tall blond Viking broad wearing next to nothing.

Have a really nice English-style garden. With real Ents.

Probably put a roll bar and some KC lights on my truck.





Posted by: sifty at March 30, 2012 11:22 AM (uGQ4X)

503

Do the Montgomery Burns thing....nuke plant and all....and have the Rolling Stones killed.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:24 AM (YbQJm)

504 Three words: Trained Grizzly Bears.

Posted by: model_1066 at March 30, 2012 11:29 AM (YbQJm)

505 For the brave ones in The Corps, you can always just donate a little something to the Marine Corps. Scholarship Foundation - no need to wait for the mega Millions payout, and you still get to feel good about it. 

Me, I'd enjoy the rest of my life trying to give away every damn nickel.  Not a day would go by that I didn't feel great about what I was doing.

Posted by: David Duke at March 30, 2012 11:31 AM (LLToD)

506

Initiate an all cash hostile take over of a Mexican or Columbian cartel. 

I'm talking growing operations, labs, warehouses, safehouses, distribution channels, marketing rights, dope planes, submarines, runners, flunkies, hit squads, corrupt politicians & police officials.  The works.

Go to the source and get a private army in the process.

Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 11:33 AM (bSxaZ)

507 I loves Preident Obama so much I would donate half of it to his re-election.....

Posted by: Dumb Ass Liberal From Vermont at March 30, 2012 11:35 AM (Te1S8)

508 I would gird my loins.  And then ....beclown myself

Posted by: Yip in Texas at March 30, 2012 11:35 AM (Mrdk1)

509 Buy a couple of thousand production acres in the Barnett or Eagle Ford shale.

Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 11:35 AM (bSxaZ)

510 517- for that kind of cash you could pay someone to gird your loins for you.

Posted by: vivi at March 30, 2012 11:36 AM (uCx2P)

511

1. Pay off debt.

2. Make a list of 100 worthwhile charities and give each of 'em a mil. That list would probably include my local church/food pantry, the Catholic school my kids' friends attend, and the place we go for gym day. I'd also include lifetime memberships for all of our local attractions--we've got young kids.

3. Pay off the mortgages, credit cards, and other debts of certain family and friends. Not all cuz some are just slackers.

4. A new vehicle big enough to shuttle all the little Pirates around. And a driver.

5. Build our dream home wherever the hell we wanted.

6. Invest what's left and live of the 8%. Just like Dave Ramsey says.

Posted by: Steve the Pirate's Wife at March 30, 2012 11:37 AM (B0893)

512 Buy land over all the major aquifers in Texas.  Or hire a ringer to play rigged Texas Hold 'em poker against T. Boone and bet the deed to all that land on one hand.

Posted by: Old Texas Turkey at March 30, 2012 11:41 AM (bSxaZ)

513 And speaking of lottery money: There was once a woman in one church I served who won with her husband-about 5 million dollars. They split the money. She gave less to the church than my family did and we hadn't won any lottery, and yet she was always suggesting that we have church fundraisers "Because" she said, "people appreciate money more when they have to work for it." I wanted to ask her how hard she had to work to go to the local convenience store and purchase a ticket," although I never did The denomination I serve in doesn't support gambling, but I don't think they've ever castigated anyone for winning the lottery and helping out churches. They have a concern about legalized gambling because they don't think it's really done much for the communities around the gambling areas-which it hasn't and because of the dangers of gambling addiction. Those dangers are real, but they're not advocating prohibition again either. As far as I'm concerned if you are a Christian and your church is willing to accept a part of what you won it is your spiritual obligation to do things with it to support the work of the Gospel and aid other charities because it is a blessing from God. The couple who won the money gave to their family, but other than that I don't think she gave any to any charities and certainly not to the church or any church. Even when i suggested some very important things she could have helped with ,she didn't give any money other than her weekly contribution. Her husband ending up leaving her for a more attractive and younger woman and while the money made her comfortable it didn't seem to make her happy. Maybe if she had honored God first that might not have happened? I was sorry for her, but I was not surprised. And no, I am not a supporter of a required tithe. I think that is part of the Old Covenant.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 11:44 AM (/3OmY)

514 #1  Hire Blackwater (or their successor security company) because I do not want my grandchildren kidnapped.
#2   Hire accountants and attorneys to make sure money is protected and tax liability is minimum.
#3 Figure out a disguise for TV appearance so strangers won't be able to recognize me on the street.
#4  After claiming prize,  get my husband home from Ghana.
#5. Equal amounts to siblings and siblings-in-law,  who can parcel out as they see fit. Trusts for grandchildren.
#6.  Endowment for my church for whatever they feel necessary.
#7  Scholarship funds based on merit first,  plus need. Work at job in summer required.
#8.  Buy Current TV and fire every idiot on there.  Install  my own staff,  with control of editorial content.
#9  Private island with unlisted phone number.


Posted by: Miss Marple at March 30, 2012 11:52 AM (GoIUi)

515 I will tell one story of the lottery.  The cousin of a woman my sister works with won 9 million but both are still working at their jobs.

They did move to a slightly better home in a school district that had more opportunities.

They have one child,  an adopted son.  He was diagnosed with severe autism when he was 3.

So they put most of their winnings into a trust for him,  so that he will always have care. 

The lottery bought them piece of mind.  And the move was to a district that had comprehensive special ed resources.

Posted by: Miss Marple at March 30, 2012 12:01 PM (GoIUi)

516

vivi--1. Call everyone I know and ask/leave a message - if I could borrow $5,000. People who don't return the call get their numbers blocked when I go public.--

Super idea to weed out the false fuckers!

After giving away half then I buy a redone mercury-cyclone and drive by people I dont like and spit on them then get drunk.

Posted by: rik santo at March 30, 2012 12:02 PM (z6ohx)

517

I'd get Nirvana back together again.

Actually I'd make the largest LEGAL donation I could to anybody that opposed Obama in November. Then I'd buy commercial time just to remind people just how much of a miserable failure that piece of crap has been for the last 3 1/2 years.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at March 30, 2012 12:10 PM (eHwT1)

518 No; No that I recall it (it was some time ago) the woman actually won about 9 million dollars (split with her husband) and she was still giving less of a contribution that the elderly people on fixed incomes were giving. She did buy a very large and expensive house in Florida and a boat, however, but she didn't have any children so I'm not sure where her the bulk money ended up going to.

Posted by: FenelonSpoke at March 30, 2012 12:11 PM (/3OmY)

519

I would build a time machine and travel back to the year 30 AD, and find Jesus and his disciples.  I would follow them at a relative distance and listen to everything they said and watch everything that they did, and at the end of His ministry, I would kneel at the feet of his cross and thank Him for dying for me.


Then I would come home and not say a word to anyone about where I had been, and live the rest of my life a heck of a lot better than I had been living it up until now.

 

 

 

PS:  Before I left, I would turn 100 million of it into gold coins with Tiberius Caesar Augustus's face on them, and take them with me, and ould find a place to bury these safely in "palestine."  Then in the present, I would travel back there, unexpectedly "find" them, and then donate them all (which would now be worth uncounted billions) to children's hospitals around the world.

Posted by: Sharkman at March 30, 2012 12:12 PM (RtpCp)

520 My death would be epic, and spoken of in awe whispers around the moron campfires.

Posted by: toby928 at March 30, 2012 12:18 PM (GTbGH)

521 Buy a jet and fly to California twice a week to take trombone lessons from Bill Watrous.  The rest I would squander.

Posted by: Flipper at March 30, 2012 12:24 PM (dmEoV)

522 I would go to Dairy Queen!

Posted by: Truck Monkey at March 30, 2012 12:32 PM (jucos)

523 I genuflect before the incredibly creative ideas of lottery-winnings-spendage, but my own preferences are more mundane...

I'd buy a 1992 Lincoln Mark VII LSC and drop the 5.0 V8 from the 2013 Mustang GT500 into it, and if I like it enough, I'd do it again and give one to my mom (she always wanted that car). 

I'd buy all the remaining McDonnell Douglas DC-10s I could get my hands on, and get them in flying order.  I'd upgrade them to MD-10s, add the additional fuel tanks from the KC-10, add winglets, replace the GE CF6-50 engines with brand-new CF6-80 engines, and outfit them with new interiors.  Then I'd fly them all over the world and produce as much CO2 as I could.

I'd give at least 10% to the church, or at least to individual churches... (I'm not terribly pleased with my national church body right now).

I'd buy back FM 99.1 in St. Louis from the people who bought it, and turn it back into a classical music station of the highest quality.

I'd start a conservatory of music in downtown St. Louis near the up-and-coming loft district.

I'd buy a bunch of grand old houses in the blighted areas of north St. Louis and start renovating them.  Maybe I'd even live there, who knows?

If I could, I'd buy a controlling interest in f*%#ing InBev and relocate their world HQ to St. Louis. 

I'd give a ton of money to the St. Louis Art Museum, the St. Louis Zoo, and the St. Louis Symphony Orchestra.  I'd buy control of Opera Theater St. Louis and start producing real operas in the original languages.

I'd give a set amount of money to each of my siblings, nieces, and nephews--for my nieces and nephews, it would be held in trust until they turn 30.  I'd also match whatever amount the earn in a year--if they earn $72,000, I'd match that.  If they earn $10,000, I'd match that.  If they earn $0, I'd match that.  I would also match whatever my nieces and nephews save towards college.

Posted by: TSUGambler at March 30, 2012 12:41 PM (fQjba)

524 I want to be rich so I would spend it all to be elected to the U.S. House as a Democrat.

Posted by: RockHammer at March 30, 2012 01:36 PM (abltB)

525 With that much money I would retire at 55.  As long as the time machine cost less than $639 million it would be worth it.

Posted by: Enkidu at March 30, 2012 02:28 PM (Wcbt8)

526 I'd hire someone to read Ace's comments to me (and explain them).

Posted by: Biden at March 30, 2012 02:47 PM (CcDg1)

527 I'd spend time researching before I cashed it to find out if there was a way to be anonymous -- I've got a HUGE white trash family and I don't want to start getting calls from them.

Then... while I don't believe in tithing either, I think 10% is a good starting point to give back... I'd give to the church I attend now, the inner-city mission church I attend as well, the church I went to growing up, the summer camps I went to as a kid and the camp I went to with my kids when I worked at the children's home as well as the children's home itself.

And I'd completely renovate the children's home I used to work at, make it a more home like environment for the kids instead of looking like it's all donated, old stuff (which it is) in crummy dorms and set up a fund to buy all the kids new clothes and shoes, that they get to pick, when they come from their crackwhore mothers with nothing and create a school on campus with conservative teachers that would be open to the people who live in the area, not just the kids who live at the home. I'd also set up a vacation bonus for the employees at the home. Finally, I'd set up a college fund for the kids there (both as residents and children of the houseparents) who make the grades, who have the drive to be better and who would succeed at college and name it in memory of my parents, who both were very successful, in part I'm sure, because of their awful backgrounds.

I'd donate to the nursing home that took such great care of my grandmother when she had Alzheimer's. And to hospice for the amazing work they do.

I'd create a trust for military families to go on epic vacations of their choosing when their service member is home on leave -- if they haven't earned it, I don't know who has...

I'd pay Little Rock to name the new walking bridge "The Little Darn Bridge" since the other one is called "The Big Dam Bridge". And not name the airport after the Clintons. Only seems right.

I'd buy the house of the neighbor's behind me so I can kick them out and tear down the dratted security light and I won't have to hear their mastiff barking all night any more. Let it be a place missionaries visiting stateside can stay or families who have a kid at the Children's Hospital or a loved one at the cancer hospital.

I'd pay off the mortgages and student loans of my best friends and favorite relatives and create college funds for their kids.

I'd learn how to fly a helicopter.

I'd buy a Chevy SSR -- I just love those things. Hardtop convertible and a pickup truck... can't beat that.

I'd buy a small place by the sea in Nevis or Belize so I could go scuba diving any time I felt like it.

I'd go back home to Alaska every year for Fur Rondy and attend the Miners & Trapper's Ball.

I'd give my hippy brother-in-law and my sister a million a piece to shut up about the way I recycle. Or the lightbulbs I use. Or how stupid, evil and racist Christians and Conservatives are. I love my nephews too much to constantly be arguing with their parents.

I'd leave amazing tips for waitresses and other people who work hard all day with a smile on their faces.

I'd buy a couple million in gold and stash it away for a rainy day. Along with a gun or 12.

And probably most important, I'd pay for my personal hero, my favorite Airborne Ranger and my best friend, to get the best medical and psychiatric care possible so he can start sleeping again at night without heavy psychotropic drugs. Or at least get him on the right ones so he doesn't need as many. And pay for a chiropractor to un-kink him after all those jumps out of planes.

I'd do everything in my power to spend or donate every dime the first year. I'm already back in school working on a degree in a field I love. I like the work, I like the people I work with. And I'm just much, much happier when I'm working. I get too lazy and self-involved otherwise. And I don't want people to start mistaking me for a liberal.

Ooh... and I'd see if Adam Baldwin was available for a date.

Posted by: Oil Field Trash at March 30, 2012 03:24 PM (oZ6Js)

528 Probably my own Boeing Dreamliner converted into a flying strip club.

Posted by: Bildo at March 30, 2012 03:29 PM (eToum)

529 I'd donate every dime to deserving charities (blow me, United Way), luxuriate in the acclaim of such a magnanimous gesture, and collect a massive tax refund next year.

Posted by: letitbeme at March 30, 2012 03:53 PM (4uDUj)

530 This jackpot has dwarfed Obama's campaign war chest.  How many tickets do you think he's bought?

Posted by: disa at March 30, 2012 04:17 PM (v7+7U)

531 His ticket will be printed out for him at 11:01 p.m. EDT tonight.

Posted by: letitbeme at March 30, 2012 04:35 PM (4uDUj)

532 One of my husband vows: to pay for a performance of Gilbert & Sullivan's Mikado starring Weird Al Yankovic.

Posted by: sistrum at March 30, 2012 05:01 PM (AyryN)

533 1.Collect it anonymously if possible 2.Start a family (fertility treatments for the wife) 3.Take care of extended family with one time payment to all and a requirement that the money is professionally managed 4. Lake house 5. a few cars 6.travel etc 7. Flying lessons/get my private pilot license and get a sweet plane w/ parachute recovery system 8. charities, scholarships, foundations 9. Try to stay a good husband/father 10 never forget that it was unearned wealth

Posted by: SamIam at March 30, 2012 05:33 PM (BBm11)

534 I'd like to try investing it to see how long I would need to get back to the price of the ticket.

Posted by: Goatweed at March 30, 2012 07:24 PM (qiC+m)

535 Fifty caliber machine guns ( 6 ) Lots of AR15s and lots of 9mm and .45acps A tank ( in working order) Lots of ammo Lots of land for hunting everything Lots of booze to sell at my new bar business ( where I can go to relax, after I've shot up a bunch of shit and get tired and don't feel like going home to the wife yet cause she's an angry one.)

Posted by: Some guy that just might lose it if he wins the mega lotto at March 31, 2012 01:10 AM (K7o2m)

536 I'd get me a Death Squad Fortress and a Captain Maim Neutron Pistol

Posted by: Ballzdeep at March 31, 2012 03:05 AM (nnju6)

Hide Comments | Add Comment

Comments are disabled. Post is locked.
272kb generated in CPU 0.77, elapsed 2.3041 seconds.
62 queries taking 1.7261 seconds, 772 records returned.
Powered by Minx 1.1.6c-pink.