August 31, 2011

Man Decapitates Self When Police Come Following Domestic Disturbance
— Ace

I saw this earlier. I didn't read it, but I wondered, "How can someone decapitate himself?"

He figured it out.

A Fire Dept. officer noticed a cable attached to a nearby tree and wrapped around the neck of the driver. When deputies tried to get the man to leave the Explorer, he rapidly accelerated the SUV and was pulled from the vehicle and decapitated.

Dude must be a fan of Final Destination. Or The Hitcher.

And speaking of obscene mutilations: George Lucas now inserts "Noooo!" line from Revenge of the Sith into Return of the Jedi -- now Vader says "Nooo!" (apparently an out-take from Sith) when he tosses the Emperor into the nuclear shaft.

This will come in the blue-ray remasters, which are, supposedly, the final versions of the movie (until three years from now).

Oh My: It gets better and better. Check out Superman's new costume.

Thanks to Becki for the decapitation story.

Posted by: Ace at 10:33 AM | Comments (160)
Post contains 173 words, total size 1 kb.

Posted by: Foole in the Rain at August 31, 2011 10:46 AM (BkQvr)

2 George Lucas is a stuttering clusterf*ck of a miserable failure.

To (mis)quote Indigo Montoya: "I want my childhood back, you son of a b!tch."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 10:46 AM (8y9MW)

3 Who stole ace's password? Someone is talking about movies in under a thousand words.

Posted by: fluffy at August 31, 2011 10:47 AM (3SvjA)

4 Another childhood memory raped and murdered.  Thanks George, but I still have the originals on VHS.  Fuck you and your one-trick pony. 

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 10:47 AM (GQ8sn)

5 I read this decap story earlier and all I could think was "Dude, there are easier ways."

Posted by: Dave at August 31, 2011 10:48 AM (Xm1aB)

6 Clark Kent looks ghey like Aquaman.

Posted by: Fritz at August 31, 2011 10:49 AM (/ZZCn)

7 That's clever, not cutting the cable.

Posted by: t-bird at August 31, 2011 10:49 AM (FcR7P)

8 OT ace, looks like COD has once again been disinvited to the Tea Party thingy in Iowa

Posted by: Dave at August 31, 2011 10:49 AM (Xm1aB)

9 Or The Hitcher.

Was there a decapitation in that movie?  I remember Jennifer Jason Leigh getting pulled apart by a tractor trailer, but I can't remember someone losing their head.

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 10:49 AM (GQ8sn)

10 It's another version to sell to the fanboys.  You keep buyin' 'em, I'll keep remakin' 'em.

Posted by: George Lucas at August 31, 2011 10:50 AM (MMC8r)

11 Who stole ace's password? Someone is talking about movies in under a thousand words. Heck, he talked about five movies. Oh, we're going to pay for this...

Posted by: t-bird at August 31, 2011 10:50 AM (FcR7P)

12 >>>Was there a decapitation in that movie? I remember Jennifer Jason Leigh getting pulled apart by a tractor trailer that's all I meant, using vehicular power for mayhem. it's not exact.

Posted by: ace at August 31, 2011 10:51 AM (nj1bB)

13 Now THAT'S THUPER!

Posted by: Andi Sullivan at August 31, 2011 10:52 AM (MMC8r)

14

Is this the new gay Superman?

Posted by: soulpile is... at August 31, 2011 10:52 AM (Mk/IQ)

15 Superman has a nice "package" though.

Posted by: Jaimo at August 31, 2011 10:52 AM (9U1OG)

16 I don't know what that is, but for me, that will not nor ever be Superman. Insofaras the Cableguy, I'll give him points for creativity.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 31, 2011 10:52 AM (ZDUD4)

17 Heh. Obama reminds me of George Lucas. He hates Americans as much as Lucas hates Star Wars and Indy fans.


Posted by: sifty: N UR BASE, STEEPIN UR T at August 31, 2011 10:53 AM (4CSeG)

18 Thats a super codpiece you got there

Posted by: Jollyroger at August 31, 2011 10:53 AM (NCw5u)

19 That new Superman suit almost looks like the Nanosuits from Crysis but much, much gheyer.

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 10:53 AM (GQ8sn)

20 Epic Success?

Posted by: Breaker19 at August 31, 2011 10:53 AM (WCm02)

21 Clark Kent looks ... like Aquaman.

Yeah, that was my thought, too. Or, more accurately: "What the hell is Superman doing in Aquaman's costume?"

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at August 31, 2011 10:54 AM (bjRNS)

22 New superman suit...hmmm. Comes with padded muscles.

Posted by: Max Power at August 31, 2011 10:54 AM (q177U)

23 You gotta be some kind of pissed off at the world to pull your own head off. I wonder if that's what he was actually trying to do, or if he just thought he'd choke himself?

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at August 31, 2011 10:54 AM (h1p5V)

24 Yup. Another superhero franchise de-Americanized.

Why not just make his costume SEIU purple and quit pretending?

Posted by: sifty: N UR BASE, STEEPIN UR T at August 31, 2011 10:54 AM (4CSeG)

25 Actually, I don't have a problem with the new Super Suit.  At least, not until I see it in context.

Taken out of Context, Captain America's costume looked dumb.  In the movie, it was fine.  The same can be said of Thor's costume.

On the other hand, I didn't mind the CGI effects in Green Lantern, so what do I know?

What I do have a problem with is George Lucas screwing up Star Wars again.  I really want someone to buy those rights from him, just so they can say "Yeah, all that stuff didn't happen" and re-release the (undoctored) originals.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 10:54 AM (8y9MW)

26 23, Apparently, a cry for help, unheeded.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 31, 2011 10:55 AM (ZDUD4)

27 Superman, now with steroids and sparkly ghey vampires!

Posted by: sifty: N UR BASE, STEEPIN UR T at August 31, 2011 10:55 AM (4CSeG)

28 I still think Nick Swardson has come up with the best way to commit suicide, by blowing your head off with one of those T-Shirt guns they use at sporting events.

Posted by: Ben at August 31, 2011 10:56 AM (wuv1c)

29 Weird story, but also sad. 

Posted by: Y-not at August 31, 2011 10:56 AM (5H6zj)

30
Dear Supes,

Thanks for stealing my thunder... you bitch!

The Amazing Fabulous Spiderman

Posted by: Spiderman (from the new movie) at August 31, 2011 10:56 AM (2DyCU)

31 What I do have a problem with is George Lucas screwing up Star Wars again.  I really want someone to buy those rights from him, just so they can say "Yeah, all that stuff didn't happen" and re-release the (undoctored) originals.
Posted by: AllenG

I hear in the next version of Episode IV, he makes the cantina band's sax player shoot first. Shit gets really confusing after that.

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at August 31, 2011 10:56 AM (h1p5V)

32 Shit, I'm surprised George didn't take a cue from Spielberg and put a fucking walkie-talkie in Vader's hand when he threw the Emperor down the shaft.

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 10:57 AM (GQ8sn)

33

Wait, is there another Superman coming out? Didn't they just do a reboot a few years ago?

Are we condemded to Super Hero reboots every decade?

 

Posted by: Ben at August 31, 2011 10:57 AM (wuv1c)

34 Are we condemded to Super Hero reboots every decade? Yep, because every decade there is a new 10 year old that needs a new action figure.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 31, 2011 10:58 AM (ZDUD4)

35 It looks like Semen's outfit.

Posted by: eddie baby at August 31, 2011 10:59 AM (3Tmdo)

36 Are we condemded to Super Hero reboots every decade?

That's what you get for not going and seeing the Hamlet reboot.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at August 31, 2011 10:59 AM (bjRNS)

37 That Superman suit looks like shit, frankly.

Posted by: KG at August 31, 2011 11:00 AM (LD21B)

38

Okay, seriously, the Superman costume is horrible.  Edna Mode would smack a bitch for that. 

Yeah, I have the South Park reaction to Indiana Jones to Lucas for, well, anything.

 

Posted by: alexthechick at August 31, 2011 11:00 AM (VtjlW)

39

I blaim public schools.

For all of the above stories.

If we ever do have a Constitutional Convention, I propose we replace rule by consent of the governed with rule by eggplants, because they are not stuttering clusterfucks of miserable failure, unlike Obama, most of congress, George Lucas, people who decapitate themselves and most voters.

Posted by: Entropy at August 31, 2011 11:00 AM (IsLT6)

40 A Fire Dept. officer noticed a cable attached to a nearby tree and wrapped around the neck of the driver. When deputies tried to get the man to leave the Explorer, he rapidly accelerated the SUV and was pulled from the vehicle and decapitated.
This week on A Thousand Ways to Die...

And is Supes wearing a pseudo cod piece or "stuffing"?  What the...

Thanks for raping my childhood some more Hollyweird denizens. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:00 AM (9hSKh)

41 Loop ---> Me Today. I'm out of it.

Did anyone link this gem yet?

And no, save yourself the time in asking, I do not know him.

Poor thing just has an affinity for plastic.


Posted by: lu at August 31, 2011 11:00 AM (pLTLS)

42 So this makes the third superhero that's been rebooted in the past 10 years?

Hulk
Spiderman
Superman

Hollywood needs to be rebooted.

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 11:01 AM (GQ8sn)

43
The important thing is that he died while doing what he loved to do.


Posted by: el soothsayer at August 31, 2011 11:01 AM (G/zuv)

44

Are we condemned to Super Hero reboots every decade?

Yes, we are.  Embrace the suck.  Hell is a place on Earth.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:01 AM (9hSKh)

45 I am surprised he did not insert the words "Bush" as he throws the sith lord down that hole?

Posted by: nevergiveup at August 31, 2011 11:01 AM (aYQHH)

46 And is Supes wearing a pseudo cod piece or "stuffing"?  What the...

Thanks for raping my childhood some more Hollyweird denizens. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 04:00 PM (9hSKh)

I think they outsourced the costume design to a Folsom Street denizen....

Posted by: KG at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (LD21B)

47 Well that's no way to get a head in life!

/ugh

Posted by: Dustin at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (fF625)

48 You gotta be some kind of pissed off at the world to pull your own head off. I wonder if that's what he was actually trying to do, or if he just thought he'd choke himself?

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at August 31, 2011 03:54 PM (h1p5V)



Um, no.  Immobile tree.  SUV.  Cable attached to tree and wrapped around throat. 

I think the outcome was intended and well known.  Had he not accelerated as he did, being pulled from the vehicle may have caused damage and survival, but he gunned it, apparently. 

Posted by: Sponge at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (UK9cE)

49 I heard a story once, don't know if it was true.  Some dude decided to take the easy way out.  Tied a piano wire around his neck and anchored the other end on the top of a building.  He then superglued his hands to the sides of his head and jumped.  On the ground, it looked like he had ripped his own head off.

Posted by: O-Bambi at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (56hk3)

50 29 Weird story, but also sad. 

Posted by: Y-not at August 31, 2011 03:56 PM (5H6zj)

Sad, yes. But it could've been a whole lot worse.

Posted by: Breaker19 at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (WCm02)

51 OT: Il Douche has declared the flooding in North Carolina and New York to be Major Disasters, entitling them to more federal funding. Nashville couldn't be reached for comment.

Posted by: t-bird at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (FcR7P)

52 The important thing is that he died while doing what he loved to do.

So true.

Posted by: Zombie David Carradine at August 31, 2011 11:02 AM (5H6zj)

53

Are we condemded to Super Hero reboots every decade?

That's what you get when most of Hollywood, much like the President, most of congress, and most voters, are stuttering clusterfucks of miserable failure with half the IQ and competence of an eggplant.

Posted by: Entropy at August 31, 2011 11:03 AM (IsLT6)

54 Wouldn't a dedicated Zee post be appropriate?  With more pics?  Please?

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 31, 2011 11:03 AM (jx2j9)

55 47 Well that's no way to get a head in life!

That's something the Cryptkeeper would say. 

lu, your link iisn't working.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:03 AM (9hSKh)

56 So this makes the third superhero that's been rebooted in the past 10 years?

Batman?

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at August 31, 2011 11:03 AM (QKKT0)

57 Yup. Another superhero franchise de-Americanized.

DC did a Justice League Cartoon a few years back (it may even still be running), but the pilot was a 1 hour TV Movie thing, where Superman agrees to be the World's police man (all the nations of the world allow him to destroy their nukes, etc., etc.) and problems occur forthwith.

What annoys me so much about that is that I know the creator of Superman would have a fit at such an "UnAmerican" Superman.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 11:03 AM (8y9MW)

58 Off, damn sticky sock

Posted by: Dastardly Dan at August 31, 2011 11:04 AM (56hk3)

59 Did anyone link this gem yet?

And no, save yourself the time in asking, I do not know him.

Poor thing just has an affinity for plastic.


Posted by: lu at August 31, 2011 04:00 PM (pLTLS)



Link fail....

Posted by: Sponge at August 31, 2011 11:04 AM (UK9cE)

60

>>>So this makes the third superhero that's been rebooted in the past 10 years?Batman?

That makes four

Posted by: Ben at August 31, 2011 11:05 AM (wuv1c)

61 Hey, I have a spare SUV and about 100 feet of cable I'd like to get to NYC.  'Anyone game? 

Posted by: Y-not at August 31, 2011 11:05 AM (5H6zj)

62 I hate George Lucas with the firey heat of a thousand suns. I hope he dies of gonorrhea and rots in hell. Cookie?

Posted by: Mandy P., Teahadi from Hobbitton at August 31, 2011 11:05 AM (qFpRI)

63 ... Truth, Justice and ...   eh...

Squirrel!

Posted by: Hussein the Plumber at August 31, 2011 11:05 AM (jx2j9)

64
That poor guy in the Explorer had "fed" scrawled on his chest, and he was placed in that predicament by some deranged Tea Party terrorist.

100% true!

Posted by: MFM at August 31, 2011 11:05 AM (2DyCU)

65 The superman costume is just... so cheesy.  It's like something airbrushed for a six flags show.

Not that I care.  Superman is the dumbest series.  Completely boring.  Let them screw it up.

And Star Wars?  Who cares.  Return of the Jedi is a terrible movie.  The first two were OK, but a lot of what was cool was ripped off, and yet turned into protected ideas no one else can borrow from.  It's a net drag on the culture.

Once Lucas dies, I'm sure his estate will release a remastered original version and make a ton of money, but I don't think they will stand the test of time.  The first two movies are fun action films, but not worth watching more than once.  The reason they were important for a while is because other movies of the era were terrible too.

Posted by: Dustin at August 31, 2011 11:06 AM (fF625)

66 What happened to the cape?  What the fuck happened to Superman's cape?  What a bunch of Hollywood assholes.

Posted by: Soona - Tearorrist at August 31, 2011 11:06 AM (k0vGp)

67 I didn't know they were doing a gay porn version of Superman!

Posted by: Chi-Town Jerry at August 31, 2011 11:07 AM (f9c2L)

68

Superman in... Pimp My Suit: Pinstripe Spectacular!

Coming to a movie theater near you.

Posted by: soulpile is... at August 31, 2011 11:07 AM (Mk/IQ)

69 62 I hate George Lucas with the firey heat of a thousand suns. I hope he dies of gonorrhea and rots in hell.

Cookie?

Yes, please! 

And wasn't George Lucas going to buy up the copyrighted images of deceased actors and insert them into movies via CGI? 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:07 AM (9hSKh)

70

I blaim public schools.

Oh dear.

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:08 AM (P0l+a)

71 And wasn't George Lucas going to buy up the copyrighted images of deceased actors and insert them into movies via CGI? 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 04:07 PM (9hSKh)

I think that turned out to be a hoax.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at August 31, 2011 11:08 AM (FkKjr)

72 And wasn't George Lucas going to buy up the copyrighted images of deceased actors and insert them into movies via CGI? 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 04:07 PM (9hSKh)

Which actors?

Posted by: KG at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (LD21B)

73 My heart just isn't in it today.

Too much cat piss and Hollyweird for this poor simple cracka.

Gotta go get the Goob.

Take care all.

Posted by: sifty: N UR BASE, STEEPIN UR T at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (4CSeG)

74 I think that turned out to be a hoax.

Ah, thanks for the info -  but I wouldn't put a stunt like that past him either.

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (9hSKh)

75 Wouldn't a dedicated Zee post be appropriate?  With more pics?  Please?

The motion is Seconded.

All the "Ayes?"

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (8y9MW)

Posted by: lu at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (pLTLS)

77 So that's 4 superheroes getting a reboot this past decade:

Hulk
Spiderman
Superman
Batman

Of the four, I think Batman was the best.

Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (GQ8sn)

78

I think that turned out to be a hoax.

Posted by: Bevel Lemelisk at August 31, 2011 04:08 PM (FkKjr)

Heh, sad thing is, when it comes to George Lucas, it's entirely believable.

Posted by: KG at August 31, 2011 11:09 AM (LD21B)

79 What was missing from the original Star Wars trilogy were shots of people walking down long CGI hallways talking about shit.  That and cute kids.

Now I've got the money to add both.

Posted by: George Lucas at August 31, 2011 11:10 AM (QKKT0)

80 The worst part about George Lucas messing with Star Wars is that you can't unsee the crap he added. Or the prequels. Watching Darth Vader's big reveal in ESB isn't nearly as dramatic when you picture the whiny asshole Anakin in the suit.

Posted by: Mandy P., Teahadi from Hobbitton at August 31, 2011 11:11 AM (qFpRI)

81 Instead of Lois Lane will they now use a Justin Bieber inspired character? Maybe they will call him Anal Andy.

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 31, 2011 11:11 AM (ZDUD4)

82 79 What was missing from the original Star Wars trilogy were shots of people walking down long CGI hallways talking about shit.  That and cute kids.

And Wookies with walkies.

Here's how you insert lines post production:

Vader the Barbarian

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:11 AM (9hSKh)

83 Hey, I have a spare SUV and about 100 feet of cable I'd like to get to NYC.  'Anyone game? 

Posted by: Y-not at August 31, 2011 04:05 PM (5H6zj)



I caught some Tosh.O on Comedy Central yesterday and he aired a video of some dumbasses with a BP-Vest and a 9mm.  The one guy shot the other in the chest from about 5 feet.  Then ran up and punched him in the gut.  When he removed the vest, the bullet was in his chest and he was bleeding.

I'm sure SOMEONE out there is game.

Posted by: Sponge at August 31, 2011 11:11 AM (UK9cE)

84

I've never liked anything Superman.  I just don't get it. 

Why does being from another planet make you infinitely strong?  Why is he able to fly?  Why does being from another planet allow you to shoot lasers from your eyes?  Deflect bullets with your cornea?  What?

Batman's a real guy that has alot of money to develop all kinds of cool shit and then he becomes a master at some kind of martial art on top of being a completely fearless acrobat.  It makes sense.  At least in superhero world.

Superman doesn't make sense on any level.  Plus he only has one weakness so to inject any kind of dramatic tension at all into the story someone always has to magically procure this extremely rare yet always available substance.

Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 11:12 AM (7DB+a)

85
The only thing that would've made the decapitation story better is Dukes of Hazzard chase music.


Posted by: el soothsayer at August 31, 2011 11:12 AM (G/zuv)

86 O/T I've been dieting and exercising like crazy for a month. I'm not getting very far but I wanted to be a little thinner for my high school reunion (all girls) in Oct. I have also started liking "Drivethroughs, Diners and Dives" which I DVR and watch before bed. My husband thinks I've lost my mind and am torturing myself. I don't think the two are related but.......... am I the guy with no head?

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:12 AM (P0l+a)

87

BTW Spiderman sucks ass and is ghey.

But Hulk was pretty cool.

Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 11:13 AM (7DB+a)

88 Schtupperman

Posted by: sifty: N UR BASE, STEEPIN UR T at August 31, 2011 11:13 AM (4CSeG)

89

Not a big Star Wars fan here....

so can someone explain to me why the Great Dark Lord Supreme Emporer of the Dark Side Sith People guy can't defend himself with some super awesome dark side levitating / lightning bolts out of his fingers type power when the guy in the cape picks him up and throws him down a shaft?

Just curious.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at August 31, 2011 11:13 AM (C2//T)

90

>>Batman's a real guy that has alot of money to develop all kinds of cool shit and then he becomes a master at some kind of martial art on top of being a completely fearless acrobat. It makes sense. At least in superhero world.

 

He doesn't pay enough in taxes.

Posted by: Ben at August 31, 2011 11:14 AM (wuv1c)

91 84 Superman is an alien who was born on a planet with a much larger sun. The gravitational pull of that sun was so much stronger than ours that the people were stronger. They weren't stronger on their planet but when they got to ours and the gravitational pull was so much weaker they evidenced superpowers. Where have you been?

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:15 AM (P0l+a)

92 Batman is ghey.

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:15 AM (P0l+a)

93

Batman's a real guy that has alot of money to develop all kinds of cool shit and then he becomes a master at some kind of martial art on top of being a completely fearless acrobat. 

Dr. Sheldon Cooper said it best:  given sufficient start up capital, I can be Batman. 

Posted by: alexthechick at August 31, 2011 11:15 AM (VtjlW)

94 Obama is a stuttering clusterfuck of a miserable failure.

Posted by: steevy at August 31, 2011 11:15 AM (1Nzoh)

95 so can someone explain to me why the Great Dark Lord Supreme Emporer of the Dark Side Sith People guy can't defend himself with some super awesome dark side levitating / lightning bolts out of his fingers type power when the guy in the cape picks him up and throws him down a shaft?

I don't get this shit either.

Posted by: The 12th Imam at August 31, 2011 11:15 AM (QKKT0)

96 Hannity interviewing Cheney on radio. I swear, Hannity could be interviewing Jesus Christ and still make it all about him. What a dope!

Posted by: Spiker at August 31, 2011 11:16 AM (4t9J5)

97

Superman doesn't make sense on any level.  Plus he only has one weakness so to inject any kind of dramatic tension at all into the story someone always has to magically procure this extremely rare yet always available substance.

Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 04:12 PM (7DB+a)



Wow.  Go outside sometime.  There's a big, wide open world out there with lots of things to do and see.


Posted by: Sponge at August 31, 2011 11:16 AM (UK9cE)

98 Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 04:12 PM (7DB+a)

Okay, if you're looking for scientific realism from a comic book, you have real, host-to-goodness, need-a-psychiatrist problems.

But, to answer you with "Canon" explanation:

Krypton was a high-density planet under a red star.  Between his physiology being designed for a much higher-gravity planet, and "something" about the radiation from a yellow star, Superman is nigh-invulnerable (not actually totally invulnerable in the comics), super-strong, and all the rest.

He is (that we know of) susceptible to: kryptonite, energy-based weapons, and magic.

On the other hand, Batman mastered skills to the maximum of human perfection- any of which would have taken a life time to perfect, and did so in about 10 years.

Again I say, if you're looking for realism in comic books, you're in trouble.

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 11:16 AM (8y9MW)

99 so can someone explain to me why the Great Dark Lord Supreme Emporer of the Dark Side Sith People guy can't defend himself with some super awesome dark side levitating / lightning bolts out of his fingers type power when the guy in the cape picks him up and throws him down a shaft? Because why let believability and internal consistency ruin a good image? I mean, Jar-Jar Binks. I rest my case.

Posted by: joncelli at August 31, 2011 11:17 AM (RD7QR)

100 Was does Superman have to be gay now?  Gay Spider-Man wasn't good enough?

Posted by: Kensington at August 31, 2011 11:17 AM (znT2j)

101 [...] I don't think they will stand the test of time.

I think you're right. Star Wars is a classic Hero's Journey story, and we've seen a zillion of 'em since then. Even the latest Star Trek followed that trope. It's old and stale.

On the other hand, Raiders of the Lost Ark still rocks, primarily because Indy isn't your prototypical Epic Hero.

Feds: There's the Ark ...
Indy: I'll go get it.
Brody: Wait a minute, it says here you're supposed to Resist the Call.
Indy: Screw that. Lemme at the Nazis.

Posted by: Meiczyslaw at August 31, 2011 11:18 AM (bjRNS)

Posted by: Monty at August 31, 2011 11:18 AM (/0a60)

103 Dagny I can watch the foodie shows without getting hungry maybe because I can't smell the food?

Posted by: Phoenixgirl at August 31, 2011 11:18 AM (zz3Bw)

104 100 Was does Superman have to be gay now?  Gay Spider-Man wasn't good enough?

You should be thankful that this incarnation of Superman isn't a transexual lesbian black handicapped Muslim. 

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (9hSKh)

105 why the Great Dark Lord Supreme Emporer of the Dark Side Sith People guy can't defend himself with some super awesome dark side levitating / lightning bolts out of his fingers type power when the guy in the cape picks him up and throws him down a shaft?

Just curious.

By the time he got thrown down the shaft, the batteries were worn out.

Posted by: Hobbitopoly at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (h1p5V)

106 Weird enough to notice in passing.

Speaking of decapitation, how long since ace posted on Libya or anything devoted to any of our wars kinetic actions abroad?

The NATO/al-Qaeda forces aren't satisfied to depose Gaddafi. Drudge linked this morning to their demands that all of his family and every member of the government be captured, extradited, returned to Libya to meet annihilation. (The married daughter who escaped to Algiers has given birth there.) Also, Jamal Elshayyal of al-Jazeera is attacking David Welch (GWB Asst.Sec.State) and Dennis Kucinich for propping up Gaddafi working against US/NATO policy.

Dennis Kucinich issued a statement to The Atlantic Wire stating: "Al Jazeera found a document written by a Libyan bureaucrat to other Libyan bureaucrats. All it proves is that the Libyans were reading the Washington Post... I can't help what the Libyans put in their files... Any implication I was doing anything other than trying to bring an end to an unauthorised war is fiction."  




Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (lpWVn)

107 Can't they just make a LGBT superfriends and leave ours alone?

Posted by: Oldsailor's poet at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (ZDUD4)

108 Was does Superman have to be gay now?  Gay Spider-Man wasn't good enough?

One gay superhero would be lonely.  And Aquaman was underwater.

Posted by: al-Cicero, Tea Party Jihadist at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (QKKT0)

109  The worst part about George Lucas messing with Star Wars is that you can't unsee the crap he added. Or the prequels. Watching Darth Vader's big reveal in ESB isn't nearly as dramatic when you picture the whiny asshole Anakin in the suit.

Posted by: Mandy P., Teahadi from Hobbitton at August 31, 2011 04:11 PM (qFpRI)

 

This is true.  This is very true.  But I have to admit that whether it was Lucas' intention or not, he caught, in the character of young Anakin, the mindset of today's leftist youths.

Posted by: Soona - Tearorrist at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (k0vGp)

110 Posted by: AndrewsDad at August 31, 2011 04:13 PM (C2//T)

According to Fan Canon (which is to say- the stuff that kept the franchise alive for 20+ years while Lucas dicked around), it was because the Emperor wasn't that good at Telekinesis.  His abilities lay elsewhere.

One of the things that make the Skywalkers so scary is that they're good at all aspects of the Force, not just one- most people are really just good at one.

Yes, I do love Star Wars.  Why do you ask?

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 11:19 AM (8y9MW)

111 There was new thread and then poof--it's gone.

Posted by: Dave at August 31, 2011 11:20 AM (Xm1aB)

112 OT: In a letter, Boehner asks Obama to speak to Congress on September 8th instead.

Posted by: Miss80sBaby at August 31, 2011 11:21 AM (o2lIv)

113 NO CAPES!

I used to design for gods ...

Posted by: Edna Mode at August 31, 2011 11:21 AM (VrNoa)

114

Was does Superman have to be gay now? 

No, I'm the gay super hero.

Posted by: the Punisher at August 31, 2011 11:21 AM (3SvjA)

115 49 I heard a story once, don't know if it was true.  Some dude decided to take the easy way out.  Tied a piano wire around his neck and anchored the other end on the top of a building.  He then superglued his hands to the sides of his head and jumped.  On the ground, it looked like he had ripped his own head off.

Posted by: O-Bambi at August 31, 2011 04:02 PM (56hk3)

Yeah, that was really sumptin', wasn't it?

Posted by: Guido "The Artist" Staccioli, hit man at August 31, 2011 11:21 AM (kaalw)

116

I'm a man! (Superman!)

A man in tights. (Tight tights!)

I'm saving the world, getting the girl, Huh!  *pelvic thrust on the Huh!*

Posted by: Count de Monet at August 31, 2011 11:21 AM (4q5tP)

117 I have also started liking "Drivethroughs, Diners and Dives" which I DVR and watch before bed. My husband thinks I've lost my mind and am torturing myself. I don't think the two are related but.......... am I the guy with no head?

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 04:12 PM (P0l+a)

Nah.

I watch DDD and most of the food featured would make me violently ill.  Is it torture watching food like that get prepared and hocked?  Nah.  It's just fun. 

Posted by: soulpile is... at August 31, 2011 11:22 AM (Mk/IQ)

118 There was new thread and then poof--it's gone.

"Where, oh where are you tonight?
 Why did you leave me here all alone?
 I searched the world over and though I found content,
 Ace hit "draft" and pbbbt! you were gone."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 11:22 AM (8y9MW)

119 103 Dagny I can watch the foodie shows without getting hungry maybe because I can't smell the food?

Posted by: Phoenixgirl at August 31, 2011 04:18 PM (zz3Bw)

Especially this one because the food is Sooooo over the top. Like deep fried french toast or the like

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:23 AM (P0l+a)

120 If I was Superman I would probably just wear a Batman costume. Seems a little showy to have your own special costume.

Posted by: Gristle Encased Head at August 31, 2011 11:23 AM (+lsX1)

121

AllenG,

Thank you for that insightful answer.  But just so you know, I now think less of you.

AndrewsDad

Posted by: AndrewsDad at August 31, 2011 11:23 AM (C2//T)

122

And before I'm done ranting about made up shit I would like to point out that in order for stars to seem to be whizzing by so fast that they are streaks, you would have to be moving at some millions of times the speed of light.  Warp nine my ass.

Alfred Einstein is spinning in his cryogenic chamber.

Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 11:23 AM (7DB+a)

123 Posted by: eleven at August 31, 2011 04:23 PM (7DB+a) Oh good Lord. Are you my husband? Because you sound like him.

Posted by: Mandy P., Teahadi from Hobbitton at August 31, 2011 11:25 AM (qFpRI)

124 I have also started liking "Drivethroughs, Diners and Dives" which I DVR and watch before bed. My husband thinks I've lost my mind and am torturing myself. I don't think the two are related but.......... am I the guy with no head?

Guy Fairy doesn't give you nightmares?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 31, 2011 11:25 AM (QMtmy)

125 118 There was new thread and then poof--it's gone.

"Where, oh where are you tonight?
 Why did you leave me here all alone?
 I searched the world over and though I found content,
 Ace hit "draft" and pbbbt! you were gone."

Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls at August 31, 2011 04:22 PM (8y9MW)

Reminded me of the same thing -- but I like the edits.

Posted by: cthulhu at August 31, 2011 11:27 AM (kaalw)

126 Yes, I do love Star Wars. 
-- Posted by: AllenG (Dedicated Tenther) is tired beyond tired of the trolls 

Ever enjoy Star Trek?   Enterprise Season One, teh funny, definitely spun off GWB. Unlike all the other Star Trek variations, this crew completely disregards the non-interventionist rule given that showing up of itself impacts the culture visited, intentionally or not.

Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:27 AM (lpWVn)

127 Can't they just make a LGBT superfriends and leave ours alone?

Just got me thinking.

A Wonder Twins flick. But lets turn them into two super hot lesbians. And to activate their powers they need to make lots and lots of contact... sans clothing.

Guys would love it. Feminists would love it (girl power). This movie could be huge!

Posted by: Moron powers... activate at August 31, 2011 11:28 AM (2DyCU)

128 What happened to the cape?  What the fuck happened to Superman's cape?  What a bunch of Hollywood assholes. Posted by: Soona

Woah. First, priorities, man.

Second, CGI cape like in the last one.

Posted by: weft cut-loop at August 31, 2011 11:33 AM (s1vtf)

129 Superman! The Ghey!  Coming to a theatre near you.

Posted by: dfbaskwill at August 31, 2011 11:33 AM (71LDo)

130 George Lucas is obviously Obama's model.  If you keep ruining it, and keep on ruining it, despite the fact that no one likes what you're doing, and the fact that you should be doing something entirely different, like, perhaps preserving something great...

Posted by: BeckoningChasm at August 31, 2011 11:34 AM (i0App)

131 My daughter asked me, "Why does Yoda walk around with a cane when he can jump around like crazy?" "Because George Lucas isn't very nice, honey."

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at August 31, 2011 11:34 AM (+61wI)

132
After seeing the new Superman costume development of character, look back at Pierce Brosnan as a chubby cheeked yoot in The Long Good Friday.

Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:36 AM (lpWVn)

133 That costume doesn't say, "Superman's gay." It says, "Hey, check out the tiny cock on this guy." Not a gay theme.

Posted by: oblig. at August 31, 2011 11:37 AM (xvZW9)

134 That decapitation method was used in the plot of "We All Fall Down" - a mediocre thriller you can get on your Kindle for 99 cents. 

Posted by: kathysaysso at August 31, 2011 11:38 AM (ZtwUX)

135 What happened to the cape?  What the fuck happened to Superman's cape?  What a bunch of Hollywood assholes.

Posted by: Soona - Tearorrist at August 31, 2011 04:06 PM (k0vGp)

 

The cape obscured the pronounced muscular curvature of the actor's gluteal implants and cleft that the suit was designed to showcase.  The cape had to go.  This decision was focus group tested and the consensus of the revenue models show a 18% increase in ticket sales without the cape.    Especially in S.F's Folsom street, Chicago's Man Country, Houston's Montrose, DC's Dupont Circle neighborhoods, and most large cities north of the Mason-Dixon and east of the Appalachian mountains.  YMMV.

Posted by: Count de Monet at August 31, 2011 11:38 AM (4q5tP)

136 Guy Fairy doesn't give you nightmares?

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 31, 2011 04:25 PM (QMtmy)

Actually, I kinda like him.

A long time a supporter of law enforcement and the military men and women serving our country, Guy has an on-going Armed Forces Entertainment commitment and has visited bases in the Persian Gulf, Guantanamo Bay, and Hawaii, as a guest of the U.S.Navy. He entertains the troops and inspires the military culinary specialists with instruction and inspiration.

Guy lives in Northern California with his wife, Lori and two boys – Hunter and Ryder.

Posted by: dagny at August 31, 2011 11:38 AM (P0l+a)

137 I love my laserdisc player.  It will forever play the only Star Wars versions I love.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at August 31, 2011 11:38 AM (HwE/1)

138 Nice *ahem* suit Superman.

Posted by: mpfs, TPT at August 31, 2011 11:40 AM (iYbLN)

139 Oh yeah, and George Lucas: Go choke on a dick.

Posted by: Rusty Nail at August 31, 2011 11:40 AM (HwE/1)

140 What happened to the cape?  What the fuck happened to Superman's cape?

Superman wanted to be able to get on the rides. To be fair to the Muslim women wearing jihabs denied access, the police demanded Superman remove his cape.

Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:40 AM (lpWVn)

141 Posted by: Count de Monet at August 31, 2011 04:38 PM (4q5tP)

Once upon a time, all a kid needed was a make-shift cape to be Superman.

Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:42 AM (lpWVn)

142 Bet the family of the headless guy tries to sue the cops.

Posted by: mike at August 31, 2011 11:42 AM (jhyTT)

143 77 So that's 4 superheroes getting a reboot this past decade: Posted by: EC at August 31, 2011 04:09 PM (GQ8sn) Iron Man (and War Machine) Thor (Hawkeye, in cameo) Captain America Fantastic Four (grossly unpopular) I'm not sure Thor and Iron Man were Live Action films before, but Cap was. Technically Nick Fury was rebooted for Iron Man and most of the new Marvel movies, as a cameo, but he's been a live action character before so he counts. So that's 10 more for 14, generously counting, and 6 more being restrictive for a total of 10. Oh, and the Punisher was rebooted twice, at least one in the last 10, so 15/11. 12/8 if you count the FF as one "hero". They're only doing Wonder Woman for TV, right?

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at August 31, 2011 11:42 AM (bxiXv)

144 This week on A Thousand Ways to Die...

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at August 31, 2011 04:00 PM (9hSKh)

If and when they get around to doing it, the story will be embellished with hookers/strippers, hallucinogenic drugs, midgets, some sexual fetish involving mouse traps and peanut butter, and Lord knows what else...

Posted by: Rusty Nail at August 31, 2011 11:45 AM (HwE/1)

145

And before I'm done ranting about made up shit I would like to point out that in order for stars to seem to be whizzing by so fast that they are streaks, you would have to be moving at some millions of times the speed of light.  Warp nine my ass.

Not stars.  They were always explained as photons of light leaking thru the shields.

 

 

Posted by: trainer at August 31, 2011 11:47 AM (Rojyk)

146
"What If?" Superman was a Nazi?

(no video available anywhere. Lorne Michaels sucks.)

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at August 31, 2011 11:47 AM (3AuGS)

147 Oh, and while Star Trek sucks ass, warp 9 (in TNG) wasn't 9 times the speed of light, it was more like 1,000 times the speed of light. Honestly they made that shit up as they went along, it was whatever they needed for the episode. I think the scale was not remotely linear, so warp 1 was the speed of light but 9 was 1000 and 9.9 was like 20,000 times the speed of light. Also, those weren't stars, those were self-illuminating space jellyfish. Yeah, that's the ticket!

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at August 31, 2011 11:47 AM (bxiXv)

148 I forget who said it but...

"You know Hollywood is gay when Batman and Robin's costumes have nipples but Wonder Woman's doesn't."

Posted by: Dr. Varno at August 31, 2011 11:52 AM (QMtmy)

149 Trapped Colorado lumberjack cuts off five toes to escape


Jon Hutt used a 3-inch pocket knife to sever his toes from the machinery after realising no one heard his cries.

Posted by: maverick muse at August 31, 2011 11:53 AM (lpWVn)

150 Just from looking at the Superman costume I can tell the movie is going to suck. Why?

Because it shows they don't care. They have contempt for the subject matter and the audience. They're trying to impress other moviemakers and critics with how edgy they are, because they can't make themselves care about actually making a Superman movie. No movie made by people with that mindset can do other than suck.

Posted by: Trimegistus at August 31, 2011 12:02 PM (OLgc9)

151 We think the new Superman costume is just dreamy.

Posted by: Gay Americans for Obama at August 31, 2011 12:19 PM (1Rgee)

152 PS The other pics of the new stuperman show capes. I think that shot he just wasn't wearing it, probably only had it on during filming to keep it clean, it's kind of long. Also the costume looks more blue and red in sunlight. Not saying the movie will be good, just that there's a cape and it's still blue and red.

Posted by: Merovign, Dark Lord of the Sith at August 31, 2011 12:25 PM (bxiXv)

153 Bet the family of the headless guy tries to sue the cops. Posted by: mike

And Ford.  There should be a warning sticker on the steering wheel telling people to not drive around with a cable wrapped around their neck.  And a tree.  Even if the cops tell you to not do that.  "Cause it's bad.  Real bad.

Posted by: Dang at August 31, 2011 12:52 PM (TXKVh)

154 Thats a super codpiece you got there Posted by: Jollyroger

It's an iCod.

Posted by: Dang at August 31, 2011 12:57 PM (TXKVh)

155  why the Great Dark Lord Supreme Emporer of the Dark Side Sith People guy can't defend himself with some super awesome dark side levitating / lightning bolts out of his fingers type power when the guy in the cape picks him up and throws him down a shaft?

Vader had chunkin' powers.  No defense for that.  Plus,  I panicked.

Posted by: Zombie Great Dark Lord Sith Emperor Guy at August 31, 2011 01:02 PM (TXKVh)

156 And to lighten up things from the horrible news above..

Our latest inductee to the AoSHQ Lifestyle

http://www.wlky.com/news/28961681/detail.html

Posted by: DarkFlounder at August 31, 2011 01:35 PM (lY0et)

157 What have I done ?? .... My Master

My love for Star Wars ended with this line.

Posted by: James Loughner at August 31, 2011 02:30 PM (e8kgV)

158 Star Trek Warp Factors - Warp 1 = Speed of light.

Warp Factors 2 - 9.9 = Warp Factor number cubed.  Warp 9.9 = 970.3 times the speed of light.

Warp Factor 10 is theoretically impossible because it is infinitely fast and you would occupy all points in the universe simultaneously.

Yes, I'm A Star Trek fan*, why do you ask??

(*w/ the exception of that babbling twat Deanna Troi who should only open her mouth to FEEL a dick dropping into it.  And that cunt mother of her's/Nurse Chapel, who only got the part because she was fucking the Boss and should have been shown the nearest airlock.)
 

Posted by: FORGER - Racist TEAhadi at August 31, 2011 02:55 PM (7j/xA)

159 Woohoo!  The new MadMax -uh, wait, a red S on his chest?  Is that supposed to be Superman?

Posted by: Big Mo at August 31, 2011 04:33 PM (CKUq0)

160 Wow this is soo helpful I have been trying to figure this out on my own for a long time now. Hopefully making this change will help encourage discussion on my blog.

Posted by: The Ice Limit AudioBook at August 31, 2011 06:17 PM (qhonK)

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