November 30, 2006

Lindsay Lohan's Beautiful Advice To Robert Altman's Family: "Be Adequite"
— Ace

Well, no one's ever called her firecerebellum, now have they?

moved to great eloquence and passion by the death of the eminent film director Robert Altman. And then there is Lindsay Lohan.

The 20-year-old actress, who scored a part in Altman's last movie, A Prairie Home Companion, made the interesting decision to go public with a condolence letter she wrote to the Altman family in the wake of his death from cancer last week. The passion was certainly there - she, like many dozens of actors before her, clearly adored the experience of working in Altman's characteristic freeform style - but the letter was also spectacular in its incoherence and disregard of basic grammar and spelling.

"I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career," she began, less than certainly. "He was the closest thing to my father and grandfather that I really do believe I've had in several years... He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do." A little lower down, she fell into improv philosophy, apparently riffing on the notion that life is too short to waste: "Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves' (12st book) - everytime there's a triumph in the world a million souls hafta be trampled on. - altman Its true. But treasure each triumph as they come." And she signed off, "Be adequite. Lindsay Lohan."

The letter has become the talk of Hollywood since its release over the weekend. Was the actress on a misguided - and utterly botched - quest for publicity, exploiting the death of a revered director for her own purposes? Had she been on one of her legendary party benders? Or was this Exhibit A for the indictment of America's education system?

...

Patt Morrison, a columnist with the Los Angeles Times, begged to differ, calling the letter "alarmingly incoherent" and questioning what it was Lohan had learnt at the Long Island schools that gave her straight As.

Even had she managed to spell "adequate" correctly (which, to be fair, really gets tricky after the "q"), what the hell kind of valedictions is that? "Be adequite"? How about "Be blandly mediocre, Love & Kisses, Lindsay."

Mild retardation is kind of sexy, but Lohan seems to be a full-on brain-gimp.

Not hot.

Thanks to Blacksheep.

My Misspelling of "Adequate:" Hey, typos aren't the same thing as misspelling.

Posted by: Ace at 10:45 AM | Comments (42)
Post contains 439 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Quick! Someone distract GodessOfTheClassRoom. If she reads this, she will faint.

Posted by: Tushar D at November 30, 2006 10:48 AM (h76y6)

2 Having carefully considered Lindsey, Paris and Britney's pooters at some length (as well as Tara's nipples so as to ensure I've got the full context of the story), I think we can all agree that Lindsey is both the dumbest and skankiest of the lot.

Think about that for a minute: dumber and skankier than Tara Reid. Just sayin'.

Posted by: The Tabloids at November 30, 2006 10:50 AM (kVUW4)

3 "Patt Morrison, a columnist with the Los Angeles Times, begged to differ, calling the letter "alarmingly incoherent" and questioning what it was Lohan had learnt at the Long Island schools that gave her straight As."

That's not fair. The schools taught her well. It's all the coke in the meantime that fried her brain.

Posted by: JohnW at November 30, 2006 10:50 AM (wg4FW)

4 Oh that's funny!

Be adequite, Linseed Lojack!

Posted by: PaleoMedic at November 30, 2006 10:57 AM (PQx1b)

5 "I am lucky enough to of been able to work with Robert Altman amongst the other greats on a film that I can genuinely say created a turning point in my career," she began ....

She began ?! Christ, what comes next ?

" ... and so anyway, I after I got out of high school I went shopping and found some really great shoes but before I could buy them this really cute guy ...."

Posted by: Syntax at November 30, 2006 10:57 AM (kVUW4)

6 Oh, no you didint! You did NOT misspell "adequate" while riffing on her inability to spell "adequate." And you screwed up before the Q, too.

Posted by: S. Weasel at November 30, 2006 10:57 AM (rasT+)

7 Hollywood?

Dumbest. People. Ever.

Posted by: Good Lt at November 30, 2006 10:58 AM (D0TMh)

8 i'll take freckled over articulate any night

Posted by: carl carlson at November 30, 2006 10:59 AM (PxVuZ)

9 Ace hits 9million on his sitemeter and thinks he can leave for a day. A whole stinkin' day!

And then he thinks posting some old shit about firecrotch will make me forgive him? With nary an apology?

I am not to be bought so cheap, sir! (Tushar, otoh, is brown so he's much, much, much cheaper.)

I require a mistaken link to your private porn stash before I'll forgive you. That or naked pictures of Nice Deb. Either way, really.

Posted by: Birkel at November 30, 2006 11:01 AM (PGSa/)

10 Girls like Lohan serve a purpose in life. For instance, some girls have to be stupid enough to allow their boyfriends to make sex tapes.

Posted by: Bart at November 30, 2006 11:03 AM (phPv8)

11 Umm... Ace? You misspelled "adequate" in your excoriation of Ms. Lohan's lack of grammatical aptitude.

Sorry. Hate when that happens.

Posted by: red speck at November 30, 2006 11:07 AM (Lc9rf)

12 Ummm... What is the "12st book"?

Posted by: IreneFingIrene at November 30, 2006 11:08 AM (s7Ian)

13

Hey! I am not cheap.


**Imagine Apu accent here**


I demand a full amount of $2.55 per hour for my tech support, and benefits including two slurpees a day.


Posted by: Tushar D at November 30, 2006 11:09 AM (h76y6)

14 A woman is standing in the kitchen talking to her friend one afternoon when she sees her husband coming up the sidewalk with a bouquet of flowers.

The woman turns to her friend and says, "guess I'll be spending the night with my legs up in the air."

To which her friend responds, "why, don't you have a vase?"

Posted by: Lindsay, by text from the mall at November 30, 2006 11:09 AM (kVUW4)

15 To her credit Lindsay writes like she speaks ...

... when she's not speaking lines written for her.

----

In other language related news, Jane Hamsher is hosting a confab on civility and language in blogging over at FDL. (I shit thee not)

closing graf:
... It is our (FDL Types) responsibility to take those critiques offered in good faith seriously and be willing to engage in a reasoned conversation about them in an appropriate time and place. So please consider this the appropriate time and place and feel free to express your views (as always with respect for the posters and fellow commenters), and we'll be here to answer your questions.

As always ....

.... as always.

.

Posted by: BumperStickerist at November 30, 2006 11:13 AM (dTi2n)

16 I'm pretty sure that redheads in general are twitching, drooling retards. I know because I happen to be one. I have a few theories on this. A) The North Atlantic region (where most redheads seem to come from) is full of mercury-laden fish, B) We're only a couple of generations away from Neandertals or C) The family tree has twigs, not branches. I mean, seriously. Has anyone ever known a redhead who wasn't a lunatic?

Posted by: ErikW at November 30, 2006 11:14 AM (NvhA8)

17 Speak fer yerself Erik.

Posted by: Scott at November 30, 2006 11:24 AM (z2RMg)

18 >>**Imagine Apu accent here**

Heh, honestly Tushar, that's almost how you sound in my head when I read your posts, actually kinda a blend of Apu and a few Indians I've known.

Posted by: Sinistar at November 30, 2006 11:26 AM (5bI3V)

19 He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.

I have the ability to do lots of legends.

Posted by: geoff at November 30, 2006 11:27 AM (2d9Ny)

20 He left us with a legend that all of us have the ability to do.

Yup. That's the lasting appeal of having sex with corpses, they're totally available and you don't even have to drug them.

Dead meat is just easy sexy time.

Anyone can do them, even a severe asthmatic for whom the rape of living meat is simply not viable due to the physical exertion neccessary, and the loud, high-pitched wheezing that makes it literally impossible to remain quiet in the stall of a public pathroom.

Dead bodies provide valuable, handicap accessible sex services for all people regardless of creed or color, and isn't that what America is all about?

Posted by: Entropy at November 30, 2006 11:35 AM (m6c4H)

21 I just like how she includes a line from the traditional 12 step program in her letter...

Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourselves.

Posted by: Greg Tinti at November 30, 2006 11:43 AM (DiPI3)

22 Well, Ms. Lohan may not be too intellectually adept, but if she would just say a few bad things about George Bush, or perhaps make a PSA about diversity, we'd be more than honored to award her an honorary degree.

Posted by: Harvard U at November 30, 2006 11:44 AM (pvqlY)

23 Wait!

Lohan got straight A's in grade school?

Disney should be ashamed of themselves.

Posted by: Bart at November 30, 2006 11:48 AM (pvqlY)

24 IreneFingIrene, I suspect "12st book" is a reference to the 12 step program described in "the Big Book" written by AA co-founderBill Wilson. "A searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself" is one of the steps toward recovery.

I read about it somewhere.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at November 30, 2006 11:53 AM (pzen5)

25 "Speak fer yerself Erik."

Now that right thar is inbred hillbilly talk!

I rest my case.

Methinks we're in for a celebrity train wreck of cataclysmic proportions. Not sure exactly what but putting Lindsay, Britney and Paris together has to end up badly in a spectacular way. If it isn't a law of the universe, it should be.

Posted by: ErikW at November 30, 2006 11:57 AM (Zd60f)

26 putting Lindsay, Britney and Paris together has to end up badly in a spectacular way

Posted by: Rosetta at November 30, 2006 12:02 PM (CTqCo)

27 AA's 4th Step reads as follows:

"Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves."

I... uh... read about it somewhere, too.

Posted by: wtf at November 30, 2006 12:06 PM (t3Mks)

28 Even had she managed to spell "adquate" correctly (which, to be fair, really gets tricky after the "q"),


BWahahahahahaha.

Oh, shit. That was ironic wasn't it. (I know it's been said above, but I wanted the fuck up preserved inthe comments.

LMAO.

Good to have you back, Cap'n.

Posted by: hobgoblin at November 30, 2006 12:15 PM (p1s9n)

29 I think she's hot.

She's so stupid I won't need ruffies to get some action either. Couple of new shiny pennies and she'll be spreading them like a pro.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy at November 30, 2006 12:19 PM (p9O/F)

30 some girls have to be stupid enough to allow their boyfriends to make sex tapes.

There are some that won't?

Posted by: mesablue at November 30, 2006 12:20 PM (DzeyU)

31 putting Lindsay, Britney and Paris together has to end up badly in a spectacular way

If the three of them are together and speak at the same time, this would create a wrinkle in the hotness/stupidity continuum.

Worse still, if they also happen to all have VD at the same time, this will throw the entire earth into a parallel bimbo-bizarro universe.

Should this happen, there would continue to be a rash of up-skirt-no-panty photos but they would be of Janet Reno, Helen Thomas and Madeline Albright.

*shudders*

*vomits*

Posted by: Rosetta at November 30, 2006 12:22 PM (CTqCo)

32 questioning what it was Lohan had learnt at the Long Island schools that gave her straight As.

Its obvious. She learned how to suck-start a Humvee.

And that when you're in rehab you can make decent hooch using Koolaid and Bread.

Posted by: phin at November 30, 2006 12:31 PM (A/ble)

33 All right everyone, let's just step back, take a deep breath and calm down. Let's remember what's important here:

http://www.bartcop.com/lindsay_Lohan_breasts.jpg

So she can't spell (or act...or sing). This is Ace of Spades, not Strunk and White. You can say what you want about the venerable Miss Lohan's writing deficiencies, but you will not NOT look at her breast..es.

Posted by: rcl at November 30, 2006 01:08 PM (a7n4N)

34 Mild retardation is kind of sexy, but Lohan seems to be a full-on brain-gimp.

You know what, Ace, don't be so judgmental. YOU try writing a condolence letter after coming down off a coke binge.

Posted by: Vyce at November 30, 2006 01:42 PM (9llcV)

35 I live in the Merrick school district that produced this genius.

I get to pay over $5000 per year, in school taxes alone, to produce functional illiterates You see the result of this waste in Lohan's letter. Believe me, she's the rule, not the exception.

Posted by: Johnboy at November 30, 2006 03:10 PM (3LKb1)

36 What's wrong with the sentiment of "Be adequate"? Look how far it took Altman.

Posted by: Guy T. at November 30, 2006 07:04 PM (Xpd8B)

37 Actually, Ace, the cerebellum governs the lower, so-called reptilian, autonomic nervous system, whereas the cerebrum (i.e, the cerebral cortex) governs the higher brain functions such as thinking, speaking, and blackberrying. That's why you can kill a man by driving an object into their hindbrain (like Midnight Express), but you can survive with a large portion of your cerebral cortex missing.

Posted by: Big Fat Meanie at December 01, 2006 10:10 AM (VjGI/)

38 You guys are mean.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 01, 2006 12:47 PM (p9O/F)

39 See. It was all the blackberry's fault

Mean, mean, mean.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at December 01, 2006 12:58 PM (p9O/F)

40 We warned people about this kind of thing.

Posted by: The Luddites at December 01, 2006 12:59 PM (p9O/F)

41 And now for some pertinent quotes from NewsRadio:

Bill: "Well, I’m off to astonish the world with more feats of adequataqaticism."

Dave: “Everything going adequately?”
Bill: “Very adequately sir, I’m virtually bursting with adequatulence.”

Carry on.

Posted by: Matt at December 01, 2006 01:04 PM (k5l2P)

42 For a number of years, I worked in the college textbook publishing and advertising industries as a proofreader and copyeditor. (And as such, I am very aware that my post would benefit from a copyeditor's eye and a couple rounds of proofreading, but there you go.)

You would be astonished at how many bright, even brilliant, people lack an "adequite" understanding of the English language. I had to teach myself not to be annoyed by this, particularly when these apparent illiterates would easily make ten times what I made without breaking a sweat or knowing what a comma is.

Ms. Lohan would benefit from being able to communicate better, but that being said, this deficit neither detracts from her other virtues, nor indicates much about her intelligence. She has made an enormously successful career out of her looks, her personal magnetism and charisma, and her skills as an actor, climbing to the top of an industry burgeoning with people who have not leveraged similar characteristics into a decent career. I admire that. It's easy to mock her lack of decorum, but we need to recognize that even being second-rate in such a competitive industry requires a simply enormous amount of focus, determination, and hard work.

I wish Ms. Lohan well, and I hope she finds the strength to be adequite. And I hope I find that strength as well.

Posted by: SK at December 03, 2006 10:25 AM (IxmbQ)

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