August 30, 2005

Keith ("Who?") Olbermann: I Believe The French, Lance Armstrong Juiced
— Ace

He bases this on the fact that Armstrong made a commercial during a strike by commercial-actors, despite the fact that commercial-actors had given celebrity atheletes permission to make commercials during this time.

Lance's pitiful excuse at the time? Well, gee, merely that he was getting his first big sponsorship deal, and had just come out of cancer therapy, and needed to feed his family. And, you know, pay medical bills.

Olbermann ("who?") calls him a louse for this.

What's annoying about this is this is a calculated attempt to be "controversial" and get "buzz" and I'm playing right into it.

My only consolation is that Keith Olbermann is a nobody and it really doesn't matter if I mention him or not. I could mention "Bob Whitehead" too. Not like Bob Whitehead's Q factor is going to be impacted by the mention.

Gee, you don't think this out-of-the-blue, sketchy attack an Armstrong's character has anything to do with him going bike riding with Bush, do you?

Keith Olbermann

The biggest, most pompous asshole you don't even realize you hate, 'cuzzin' you never even heard of him.

Thanks to Slublog.

Olbermann Fever-- Catch It! Dogstar notes:

The funniest thing about Olberman is his constant refrain that he's "on the verge" of blowing out the ratings and hitting the big time.

Month. After. Month.

On the verge. Yup, it's just a matter of time.

I gotta admit, I do appreciate Olbermann's stagey deadpan delivery. It's a very original take on Craig Kilborne's imitation of Bob Costa's imitation of Greg Kinnear's imitation of David Letterman's deadpan.

You wouldn't think someone could make such an oft-imitated styling fresh, and, of course, you'd be right.

Hey, Keith Olbermann. Byron Allen just called. He wants his blazing charisma back.

Posted by: Ace at 08:13 AM | Comments (35)
Post contains 312 words, total size 2 kb.

1 The funniest thing about Olberman is his constant refrain that he's "on the verge" of blowing out the ratings and hitting the big time.

Month. After. Month.

On the verge. Yup, it's just a matter of time.

Posted by: Dogstar at August 30, 2005 08:17 AM (KgeNY)

2 Dan Patrick always carried his ass anyway.

Posted by: Silk at August 30, 2005 08:21 AM (YHE9d)

3 Thanks for the link. Just for curiosity's sake, has anyone else been able to access my site? I think hosting matters is down, but I'm wondering if it's just my internet provider or a general outage.

Posted by: Slublog at August 30, 2005 08:23 AM (V7NgR)

4 I hear it's down. Lifelike Pundits is on that too, right? Someone said they were down.

Maybe that was you.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2005 08:25 AM (W7JEQ)

5 Well, crap.

What am I going to do now? Work?

Posted by: Slublog at August 30, 2005 08:30 AM (V7NgR)

6 What a douche. The next time the Teamsters strike, I'm going to lambaste Olbermann for continuing to drive his car. I figure I've got at least as many readers (about five) as he does.

Posted by: Robb at August 30, 2005 08:34 AM (t/iHW)

7 No work to do right now, so...

Cindy Sheehan: Compassion for me, but not for thee.

How can anyone, anyone in their right minds support this line of reasoning' I have been silent on the Gold Star Moms who still support this man and his war by saying that they deserve the right to their opinions because they are in as much pain as I am. I would challenge them, though, at this point to start thinking for themselves. Iraq DID NOT have WMD's; Iraq WAS NOT linked to Al Qaeda and 9/11; Iraq WAS NOT a threat or danger to America. How can these moms who still support George Bush and his insane war in Iraq want more innocent blood shed just because their sons or daughters have been killed' I don't understand it. I don't understand how any mother could want another mother to feel the pain we feel. I am starting to lose a little compassion for them. I know they have been as brainwashed as the rest of America, but they know the pain and heartache and they should not wish it on another. However, I still feel their pain so acutely and pray for these 'continue the murder and mayhem' moms to see the light.

Get that? Only mothers who have lost sons in the war and protest it are worthy of compassion. Other mothers? They are 'brainwashed.

St. Sheehan has spoken. Thus shall it be.

Posted by: Slublog at August 30, 2005 08:36 AM (V7NgR)

8 Loose shit there at the end, Ace. Olbermann was the guy Kilborn imitated from when the latter was at ESPN.

Posted by: someone at August 30, 2005 08:41 AM (6Swlb)

9 I also find it remarkable that Olbermann can write, presumably with a straight face, that Armstrong owes his loyalty to a bunch of people he's never met over his sponsors (read: employers). From what I recall, very few of pre-cancer Lance sponsors stayed with post-cancer Lance (Subaru was one, I think). Lance would have been a louse to not repay that loyalty in kind.

Keith, you're a dick.

Posted by: Robb at August 30, 2005 08:43 AM (t/iHW)

10 Ah, Olbermann. Or as I know him, the "thinking man's idiot."*

(*Stolen from Jonah Goldberg)

Posted by: Phinn at August 30, 2005 08:46 AM (DiZv6)

11 If we harnessed the power of Olbermann's misplaced self-righteousness, coal-burning power plants could be eliminated by the year 2007.

Posted by: Hubris at August 30, 2005 08:48 AM (ghFND)

12 Dude, why did you have to drag Byron Allen into this mess? What, couldn't reach for Alan Thicke fast enough?

Poor Byron, always getting screwed.

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at August 30, 2005 08:49 AM (y1hCN)

13 Now that I think about it, Olbermann does have a point. Why didn't Armstrong concentrate his charity efforts on SAG extras in commercials instead of raising millions for cancer victims? What a jerk!

Posted by: Hubris at August 30, 2005 08:56 AM (mV7gB)

14 I actually thought of Alan Thicke, but I was one of the three people in America who thought his show was okay, and then of course he went on to make millions in a TV show, which I don't think Keith Olbermann could do.

Unless he was offered the perfect sitcom vehicle, like "Douche, M.D."

The tagline could be -- He makes housecalls. And then he sits around on your couch boring you by talking about the 2000 election.

Posted by: ace at August 30, 2005 09:00 AM (W7JEQ)

15 Actually Ace, that sounds like a pretty good show. Or, at least it could be, if we got the right guest-stars.

Man, I've been watching faaar too much basic cable this summer. . .

Cheers,
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at August 30, 2005 09:24 AM (y1hCN)

16 Yeah, deadpan.

As in "Aaron Brown" deadpan.

I just hope I wake up from this nightmare...

Posted by: Tongueboy at August 30, 2005 10:07 AM (nug4S)

17 The thing Olbermann never learned was that it's one thing to be a sports clown while it's quite another to be a news clown.
And that doofus is the Bozo of news clowns.

Posted by: Radcraft at August 30, 2005 10:26 AM (6NHRo)

18 Blinky Olbermann's mind went completely out to play when he had to suffer the indignity of reporting on Bill "Have a Tampa" Clinton's hijinx with that intern girl. Out of some sort of protest, I believe, the Keithster walked out on his unwatched show, disappointing dozens. From what I've read about Olbermann (and I try not to read too much about him), he hated his ESPN colleagues and they hated him.

Posted by: Is he still working? at August 30, 2005 10:44 AM (5f5DF)

19 Are you sure he said "verge"? Maybe it was "fringe".

Posted by: DWC at August 30, 2005 10:54 AM (Suv/B)

20 Armstrong should have done what everyone else did, go to canada and work.

I wish I could find a photo of Olbermann before his big make-over. He looked like the consumate D&D player.

Posted by: at August 30, 2005 11:07 AM (+zvvI)

21 Olbermann may have had the details of the story somewhatconfused. Courtesy ofSilent Running, here's a link giving the goods on the banned substances French police found in Armstrong's hotel room.

Posted by: utron at August 30, 2005 11:28 AM (CgIkY)

22 Olbermann was barely adequate for reading the sports scores on KTLA-5 (a minor LA TV station) 20 years ago-- how he got his present gig I'll never know. God favors the stupid, I guess

Posted by: Ken Humphrey at August 30, 2005 11:37 AM (guodH)

23 ROFLMAO!

Damnit, Utron, you beat me to the Silent Running link!

Posted by: Wes S. at August 30, 2005 11:58 AM (TNsRE)

24 Holy crap! I'm in the phone book! Oh man, if my family back home could only see me now...

Posted by: Dogstar at August 30, 2005 12:50 PM (KgeNY)

25 Seriously - Keith who?

Posted by: Tony at August 30, 2005 02:42 PM (dYcZw)

26 The funniest thing about Olberman is his constant refrain that he's "on the verge" of blowing out the ratings and hitting the big time.
So I guess that means that he's ripping off Joshua Micah Mellencamp Mickelbar Marshall, too.

Posted by: Sean M. at August 30, 2005 02:53 PM (EHzws)

27 It was during Olberman's time at ESPN I finally discovered the tv had a remote that had an "off" button. I thank God every day that I discovered that before his inane and insipid mentality made it to the bigtime, with all seven loyal viewers.

Seriously, though, those seven have got to get to lawyers to see if frontal lobotomies and/or electroshock therapy are still legal.

Posted by: Carlos at August 30, 2005 03:53 PM (/RF5n)

28 BTW, can I say "I thank God" in the comments section? After all, the gov'mint doesn't want any mixing of church & state and the state owns the rights to the 'net and all and ...

Posted by: Carlos at August 30, 2005 03:56 PM (/RF5n)

29 I think when he says he's "on the verge" he's referring to some new drug he's taking. You know, like women who are "on the pill."

Posted by: Laura at August 30, 2005 04:43 PM (7/lKF)

30 In defense of Keith, he and Dan Patrick were the best Sportscenter team ever. Patrick had the good sense to stay at ESPN. Keith has embarassed himself since he left.

Posted by: Sean at August 30, 2005 06:23 PM (7NbVr)

31 Keith was an embarassment when he was born. You know, the-doctor-slapped-his-mother-type of embarassment, except it was his incredible lack of knowledge about ANYTHING, not his looks. His insightful analysis of sports was no deeper than what a high school sophomore could have come up with on a bad day, and he was better at sports than with politics.

I've never understood why his ilk can't understand what self-reliance means? Granny-state politics was doomed to failure long before our modern-day guvmint-is-the-only-solutionists came along, they're just too preoccupied with their own brilliance to see beyond their own Kumbaya noses to see reality.

But you probably don't want to know how I really feel about this yo-yo.

Posted by: Carlos at August 30, 2005 08:06 PM (/RF5n)

32 Dogstar: "The funniest thing about Olberman is his constant refrain that he's "on the verge" of blowing out the ratings and hitting the big time. Month. After. Month. On the verge. Yup, it's just a matter of time."

Funny. I've heard him joke time and time again that he doesn't have the audience O'Reilly does. Never implied he would.

Silk: "Dan Patrick always carried his ass anyway."

He must love carrying it then; he's got Keith back on ESPN Radio with him once a week.

Robb: "What a douche. The next time the Teamsters strike, I'm going to lambaste Olbermann for continuing to drive his car. I figure I've got at least as many readers (about five) as he does."

That might even make sense if it weren't for the fact that Olbermann (due to an eye injury) HASN'T BEEN ABLE TO DRIVE SINCE 1980 AND HENCE DOESN'T OWN OR DRIVE A CAR.

(No comment on the Sheehan comments, they're beyond commentary)

Robb: "I also find it remarkable that Olbermann can write, presumably with a straight face, that Armstrong owes his loyalty to a bunch of people he's never met over his sponsors (read: employers). From what I recall, very few of pre-cancer Lance sponsors stayed with post-cancer Lance (Subaru was one, I think). Lance would have been a louse to not repay that loyalty in kind. Keith, you're a dick."

Robb, you're a bigger dick. All kinds of people owe loyalty to people they've never met in this world. In fact, a lot of them think they owe loyalty to the President. Ahem...

Phinn: "Ah, Olbermann. Or as I know him, the 'thinking man's idiot.'* (*Stolen from Jonah Goldberg)"

Nice to know you're so proud of stealing someone else's idiotic insults, Phinn. What does that make YOU to "the thinking man"?

Hubris: "If we harnessed the power of Olbermann's misplaced self-righteousness, coal-burning power plants could be eliminated by the year 2007."

Ah, Hubris...you are aptly named. As you prove below:

"Now that I think about it, Olbermann does have a point. Why didn't Armstrong concentrate his charity efforts on SAG extras in commercials instead of raising millions for cancer victims? What a jerk!"

Hey, Hubris, nobody should be deified just for raising money to fight cancer. It's good, but it doesn't confer godhood. Take it from a survivor. Also, the only commercials I have ever seen Lance do re-cancer are plugging drug company research. How is that raising funds for people? Besides the drug company people, that is?

ace: "I actually thought of Alan Thicke, but I was one of the three people in America who thought his show was okay, and then of course he went on to make millions in a TV show, which I don't think Keith Olbermann could do. Unless he was offered the perfect sitcom vehicle, like "Douche, M.D." The tagline could be -- He makes housecalls. And then he sits around on your couch boring you by talking about the 2000 election."

Ah, I see...the truth comes out...we disagree with someone's politics (and misstate him as talking about the "2000 election"), therefore he is stupid. I get it now. (And do you have any idea what Keith's contract really IS? (Not that it makes a difference, but you guys seem so determined to paint him a financial, career failure...)

Radcraft: "The thing Olbermann never learned was that it's one thing to be a sports clown while it's quite another to be a news clown. And that doofus is the Bozo of news clowns."

Are we to take it, then, Rad, that YOU are an expert on clowns?

Is he still working?: "Blinky Olbermann's mind went completely out to play when he had to suffer the indignity of reporting on Bill 'Have a Tampa' Clinton's hijinx with that intern girl. Out of some sort of protest, I believe, the Keithster walked out on his unwatched show, disappointing dozens. From what I've read about Olbermann (and I try not to read too much about him), he hated his ESPN colleagues and they hated him."

Guess you haven't heard...he's back on ESPN Radio. While still at MSNBC. Yeah, he's still working. No, you MUST not read much on him...yet boy, do you have an opinion on him! I LOVE informed opinions, don't you?

DWC: "Are you sure he said "verge"? Maybe it was "fringe"."

Why? Is that what YOU'RE reporting from?

From someone who didn't leave a name: "I wish I could find a photo of Olbermann before his big make-over. He looked like the consumate D&D player."

Ooh, big insult there. And you know what? I could FIND one of those pictures. On the Web. Shows how much you know.

Ken Humphrey: "Olbermann was barely adequate for reading the sports scores on KTLA-5 (a minor LA TV station) 20 years ago-- how he got his present gig I'll never know. God favors the stupid, I guess"

Then he must be blessing you, Ken--otherwise, you'd know that Keith writes most of his own material. Not just reads it.

Tony: "Seriously - Keith who?"

Hoo boy...the wittiest insult any of the guy's enemies seems to be able to come up with. That and his allegedly low viewership. No, wait...here it comes again...

Sean M.: "The funniest thing about Olberman is his constant refrain that he's "on the verge" of blowing out the ratings and hitting the big time. So I guess that means that he's ripping off Joshua Micah Mellencamp Mickelbar Marshall, too."

Yep, someone else had to play Johnny One-Note again.

Carlos: "It was during Olberman's time at ESPN I finally discovered the tv had a remote that had an 'off' button. I thank God every day that I discovered that before his inane and insipid mentality made it to the bigtime, with all seven loyal viewers. Seriously, though, those seven have got to get to lawyers to see if frontal lobotomies and/or electroshock therapy are still legal."

OK...it took you THAT long to figure out your remote had an "off" button...and you call HIM inane and insipid?

Laura: "I think when he says he's 'on the verge' he's referring to some new drug he's taking. You know, like women who are 'on the pill.'"

Gee, Laura, are you "on the rag"? (And I'm allowed to say that, I'm female...)

Sean: "In defense of Keith, he and Dan Patrick were the best Sportscenter team ever. Patrick had the good sense to stay at ESPN. Keith has embarassed himself since he left."

Yet again, someone who obviously hasn't heard the latest out of ESPN...oh well.

Carlos again: "Keith was an embarassment when he was born. You know, the-doctor-slapped-his-mother-type of embarassment, except it was his incredible lack of knowledge about ANYTHING, not his looks. His insightful analysis of sports was no deeper than what a high school sophomore could have come up with on a bad day, and he was better at sports than with politics. I've never understood why his ilk can't understand what self-reliance means? Granny-state politics was doomed to failure long before our modern-day guvmint-is-the-only-solutionists came along, they're just too preoccupied with their own brilliance to see beyond their own Kumbaya noses to see reality. But you probably don't want to know how I really feel about this yo-yo."

Hmm...I would say that anyone daring to call himself a human being who exhibit this much lack of caring for his fellow man and believed in "self-reliance uber alles and screw everyone else" was far more of a doctor-slapped-his-mother embarrassment. Oh, but that's right. Keith believes in "granny-state politics" (i.e., governments that actually try to do something to help those who might need SOME help) only because he's "too brilliant to see beyond his own Kumbaya nose." Can't see beyond his own nose..yes, the irony is astounding.

Carlos, you probably don't want to know how I really feel about YOU and people who think like you. But that's OK, because I'm not going to bother to say any more.

Posted by: tan at September 03, 2005 08:09 PM (xsy/b)

33 But that's OK, because I'm not going to bother to say any more.

I'm sure I speak for everyone who normally reads this blog when I say thank you.

Posted by: Slublog at September 03, 2005 08:11 PM (r+0ER)

34 Thank you, thank you, thank you.

BTW, tan seems to be a little too into Keith. I wonder if "tan" might be Keith incognito?

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at September 03, 2005 08:15 PM (ipjUv)

35 Tan, you had me the moment you posted. I felt we were kindred spirits.

Call me

Posted by: Keith Olbermann at September 03, 2005 08:22 PM (r+0ER)

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