February 28, 2008
— Russ from Winterset UPDATE [Dave in Texas]: Just received a report on the moron hotline,
He's going in!
Honestly, bacon doesn't stand a chance.
We're less than 36 hours until the kickoff of the 2008 First Annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Fest, and Irony has decided to clutch my balls in her cold, dead fingers and squeeze for all she's worth.
I've been fighting a chest cold/undetermined bug for the last ten days or so, and it's mostly gone.....MOSTLY. I've still got a little bit of crud in my chest & sinuses, but the symptom that's really kicking my ass right now is the almost complete loss of taste.
Remember that old Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith played the old librarian? He's the sole survivor of a nuclear war, and now he's got all the time in the world to read all the books....until he sits on his only pair of glasses.
That's about how I feel right now. I've still got about a day & a half to get my taste back, but I'm not optimistic. I'm probably going to go to the Bacon Fest Saturday morning & consume a bunch of STUFF that taste remotely like the Bacon Bits I put on my salad. That's a big leap from the prime Iowa-raised fresh bacon that I was expecting, but when troubles like this come my way, I ask myself "What would Jack Burton do?"
Then I remember what I do when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Russ from Winterset just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it." And then I ask for another plate full of bacon. Because I can. Plus, it's free, which is a big bonus, right?
Also, Russ, this: "Give me your best shot. I can take it." is the kind of thing one says right before karma knocks your front teeth out.
Posted by: Gabriel at February 29, 2008 06:10 AM (1Ug6U)
Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:12 AM (I+jPP)
Posted by: This&That at February 29, 2008 06:13 AM (MSMPS)
Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:13 AM (I+jPP)
I'm sure you're wife's OBGYN can tell you, PIH doesn't just go away. So go get your wife sick, pronto!
Posted by: Alice H at February 29, 2008 06:20 AM (jRtPb)
Or you discover that a homicidal mutant orangutang(?) hitched a ride on your truck.
Posted by: katya at February 29, 2008 06:26 AM (Ym0FU)
Posted by: EC at February 29, 2008 06:35 AM (mAhn3)
When are they going to release Big Trouble in Little China on Blu-Ray I wonder? What a great movie.
Also, I have been able to clear up throat issues, including loss of taste, faster in the past by gargling with hot, salt water a couple times a day or as needed. In addition if you can handle it (most can't) it also helps to gargle hydrogen peroxide.
Posted by: Big E at February 29, 2008 06:36 AM (uw1/g)
Posted by: km at February 29, 2008 06:47 AM (mrk0R)
What the hell are you doing, Russ? You are having a baby. Stay away from bacon-eating contests. Or maybe go in, calmly enjoy one or two pieces while other contestants try their best to kill themselves, and walk away.
And get some term life-insurance.
Posted by: Tushar D at February 29, 2008 06:48 AM (IlgNp)
One of my favorite Simpson exchanges:
Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Posted by: polynikes at February 29, 2008 06:52 AM (m2CN7)
You eat bacon for the taste and not for the feel of the grease going down you food tube?
Odd Russ, very odd.
Posted by: AndrewsDad at February 29, 2008 06:55 AM (0vPmd)
Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:59 AM (I+jPP)
Posted by: Aaron at February 29, 2008 07:00 AM (0fH8P)
Posted by: katya at February 29, 2008 07:06 AM (Ym0FU)
Might I give you some advice? Sounds to me like your tastebuds need a jump start. I'm not sure if you like the spicy Tex-Mex stuff, but that may be the ticket.
Jalapenos and extra hot buffalo wings could do the trick. It will also help to clear the sinuses which has a big effect on taste buds. Smell and taste are kiss'n cousins.
Also, stay away from coffee, tea, and beer since they are bland and bitter. Go with 100% pure citrus drinks.
Posted by: natesnake at February 29, 2008 07:13 AM (YcXTT)
...from the Simpsons' Funniest First-half-of-an-episode Ever. Then, the story turns to Lisa becoming a vegetarian and it's "meh" after that.
Homer's favorite way to eat bacon:
Homer (to Bart): So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do, and believe what I believe. So butter your bacon!
Bart: Yes, father. [does so]
Lisa: Mom, Dad, my spiritual quest is over.
Homer: Hold that thought. [to Bart] Bacon up that sausage, boy.
Bart: Dad, my heart hurts. [Homer glares at him] Ohh. [wraps a slice of bacon around a sausage link and eats it]
Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at February 29, 2008 07:17 AM (4AfJa)
Posted by: jack burton at February 29, 2008 07:33 AM (hUuGu)
Posted by: EC at February 29, 2008 11:35 AM
Yes sir. The check is in the mail.
Posted by: Russ from Winterset at February 29, 2008 08:44 AM (dyz/7)
Posted by: Sobek at February 29, 2008 09:24 AM (6GK9U)
Posted by: Ann at February 29, 2008 01:51 PM (qxm5a)
"Also, stay away from coffee, tea, and beer since they are bland and bitter. Go with 100% pure citrus drinks."
That's the worst misspelling of bourbon I've ever seen. "Citrus drinks" sheesh. You got like mebbe 3 letters right.
Posted by: Alear at February 29, 2008 02:59 PM (Gd94D)
where the week before they'd been talking about induction at 32 weeks because I was starting to spill protein
You should have fired your doc, Alice. If that were some kind of medical problem,every guy here would be in the critical care unit.
Posted by: VRWC Agent at February 29, 2008 05:32 PM (Z3AmO)
Posted by: マネージャー at October 30, 2008 02:38 AM (4lD35)
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