February 28, 2008

Irony 1, Russ 0 - But the Game's not over yet UPDATED
— Russ from Winterset

UPDATE [Dave in Texas]: Just received a report on the moron hotline,

He's going in!

Honestly, bacon doesn't stand a chance.

...


We're less than 36 hours until the kickoff of the 2008 First Annual Blue Ribbon Bacon Fest, and Irony has decided to clutch my balls in her cold, dead fingers and squeeze for all she's worth.

I've been fighting a chest cold/undetermined bug for the last ten days or so, and it's mostly gone.....MOSTLY. I've still got a little bit of crud in my chest & sinuses, but the symptom that's really kicking my ass right now is the almost complete loss of taste.

Complete.
Loss.
Of.
Taste.

Remember that old Twilight Zone episode where Burgess Meredith played the old librarian? He's the sole survivor of a nuclear war, and now he's got all the time in the world to read all the books....until he sits on his only pair of glasses.

That's about how I feel right now. I've still got about a day & a half to get my taste back, but I'm not optimistic. I'm probably going to go to the Bacon Fest Saturday morning & consume a bunch of STUFF that taste remotely like the Bacon Bits I put on my salad. That's a big leap from the prime Iowa-raised fresh bacon that I was expecting, but when troubles like this come my way, I ask myself "What would Jack Burton do?"

Then I remember what I do when the earth quakes, the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake. Yeah, Russ from Winterset just looks that big old storm right in the eye and says, "Give me your best shot. I can take it." And then I ask for another plate full of bacon. Because I can. Plus, it's free, which is a big bonus, right?

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at 08:09 PM | Comments (24)
Post contains 330 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Bacon-related followup: How to make bacon cups.

Also, Russ, this: "Give me your best shot. I can take it." is the kind of thing one says right before karma knocks your front teeth out.

Posted by: Gabriel at February 29, 2008 06:10 AM (1Ug6U)

2 Russ, this is God trying to keep you on your diet.

Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:12 AM (I+jPP)

3 Jack Burton:  Best damn sidekick in the world. 

Posted by: This&That at February 29, 2008 06:13 AM (MSMPS)

4 But go anyway, or you might end up looking like one of those "fashion" "models" in the open blog post.

Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:13 AM (I+jPP)

5 Russ, when I was pregnant with my daughter and on bedrest from pregnancy-induced hypertension, I got some crud that made me totally lose my sense of taste.  It also dropped my blood pressure to the point where I could have gone off bedrest, where the week before they'd been talking about induction at 32 weeks because I was starting to spill protein and my BP wasn't staying down even with bedrest.  Unfortunately, when I got well, my blood pressure went back up.  Also unfortunately, it took a month for my sense of taste to come back.

I'm sure you're wife's OBGYN can tell you, PIH doesn't just go away.  So go get your wife sick, pronto!

Posted by: Alice H at February 29, 2008 06:20 AM (jRtPb)

6 "Give me your best shot. I can take it." is the kind of thing one says right before karma knocks your front teeth out.

Or you discover that a homicidal mutant orangutang(?) hitched a ride on your truck.

Posted by: katya at February 29, 2008 06:26 AM (Ym0FU)

7 Have you paid your dues, Russ?

Posted by: EC at February 29, 2008 06:35 AM (mAhn3)

8

When are they going to release Big Trouble in Little China on Blu-Ray I wonder?  What a great movie.

Also, I have been able to clear up throat issues, including loss of taste, faster in the past by gargling with hot, salt water a couple times a day or as needed.  In addition if you can handle it (most can't) it also helps to gargle hydrogen peroxide.   

Posted by: Big E at February 29, 2008 06:36 AM (uw1/g)

9 When I get a fever, the only cure is more bacon.

Posted by: km at February 29, 2008 06:47 AM (mrk0R)

10

What the hell are you doing, Russ? You are having a baby. Stay away from bacon-eating contests. Or maybe go in, calmly enjoy one or two pieces while other contestants try their best to kill themselves, and walk away.

And get some term life-insurance.

Posted by: Tushar D at February 29, 2008 06:48 AM (IlgNp)

11

One of my favorite Simpson exchanges:

Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal.
Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

Posted by: polynikes at February 29, 2008 06:52 AM (m2CN7)

12

You eat bacon for the taste and not for the feel of the grease going down you food tube?

Odd Russ, very odd.

Posted by: AndrewsDad at February 29, 2008 06:55 AM (0vPmd)

13 Hmmm. Tushar D's on God's side. Perhaps I'd better reconsider my advice.

Posted by: funky chicken at February 29, 2008 06:59 AM (I+jPP)

14 Try Mucinex, it works wonders.

Posted by: Aaron at February 29, 2008 07:00 AM (0fH8P)

15 Pork.  The other white meat!

Posted by: katya at February 29, 2008 07:06 AM (Ym0FU)

16

Might I give you some advice?  Sounds to me like your tastebuds need a jump start.  I'm not sure if you like the spicy Tex-Mex stuff, but that may be the ticket.

Jalapenos and extra hot buffalo wings could do the trick.  It will also help to clear the sinuses which has a big effect on taste buds.  Smell and taste are kiss'n cousins.

Also, stay away from coffee, tea, and beer since they are bland and bitter.  Go with 100% pure citrus drinks.

Posted by: natesnake at February 29, 2008 07:13 AM (YcXTT)

17 One of my favorite Simpson exchanges:

...from the Simpsons' Funniest First-half-of-an-episode Ever.  Then, the story turns to Lisa becoming a vegetarian and it's "meh" after that.

Homer's favorite way to eat bacon:

Homer (to Bart): So, you think you know better than this family, huh? Well, as long as you're in my house, you'll do what I do, and believe what I believe. So butter your bacon!

Bart: Yes, father. [does so]

Lisa: Mom, Dad, my spiritual quest is over.

Homer: Hold that thought. [to Bart] Bacon up that sausage, boy.

Bart: Dad, my heart hurts. [Homer glares at him] Ohh. [wraps a slice of bacon around a sausage link and eats it]

Posted by: Bender Bending Rodriguez at February 29, 2008 07:17 AM (4AfJa)

18 I never drive faster than I can see and besides that, it's all in the reflexes.

Posted by: jack burton at February 29, 2008 07:33 AM (hUuGu)

19  Have you paid your dues, Russ?

Posted by: EC at February 29, 2008 11:35 AM

Yes sir.  The check is in the mail.

Posted by: Russ from Winterset at February 29, 2008 08:44 AM (dyz/7)

20 Russ, your dedication to the consumption of bacon makes me proud to be an American, and also that I didn't punch you in the balls.

Posted by: Sobek at February 29, 2008 09:24 AM (6GK9U)

21 Russ, try cayenne pepper and ginger in some tea.  That'll cure ya.

Posted by: Ann at February 29, 2008 01:51 PM (qxm5a)

22

Heya Natesnake?

"Also, stay away from coffee, tea, and beer since they are bland and bitter.  Go with 100% pure citrus drinks."

That's the worst misspelling of bourbon I've ever seen. "Citrus drinks" sheesh. You got like mebbe 3 letters right.

 

Posted by: Alear at February 29, 2008 02:59 PM (Gd94D)

23 Bacon cures colds.  I'm sure of it.

where the week before they'd been talking about induction at 32 weeks because I was starting to spill protein

You should have fired your doc, Alice.  If that were some kind of medical problem,every guy here would be in the critical care unit. 

Posted by: VRWC Agent at February 29, 2008 05:32 PM (Z3AmO)

Posted by: マネージャー at October 30, 2008 02:38 AM (4lD35)

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