December 30, 2010

Iowahawk Spoofs Ezra Klein's High School Essay, "The Constitution Is Like Super-Old 'n Stuff"
— Ace

Funny!

According to Wikipedia1, the Constitution was discovered over 100 years ago, but is still going strong today. It was discovered by the "Founding Fathers" such as George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Benjamin Franklin, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and so forth. Although we often call them the "Founding Fathers" there were many women who were also important in this process who have been far too overlooked. Although these people are now mostly passed away, we still remember them for their importance.

It is important to remember that there are three main parts to the Constitution. First there is the first part. Then comes the middle part of the Constitution. Finally, there is the last part. In the first part of the Constitution we are introduced to the colorful characters, who can often be juxtaposed. This first part helps to, i.e., set up the "tone" for the rest of the Constitution.

I asked Iowahawk what source material he uses as a template/inspiration for his T-Cod pieces. I think he answered vaguely that he didn't know. I know what the template was for this piece, though.

Thanks for that last link to rdbrewer.

Posted by: Ace at 12:00 PM | Comments (109)
Post contains 219 words, total size 2 kb.

1 Dondé?  Afo?  Oú?  Dové?

Posted by: RaceToBottomParamus at December 30, 2010 12:03 PM (del3r)

2 You can't understand the deep lyrical genius behind the Monkees, because they wrote those songs so long ago.

Posted by: wooga at December 30, 2010 12:04 PM (2p0e3)

3 In a just world, Iowahawk would be rich and famous.

Every time I read something of his, I think, "This is his masterpiece", and then he outdoes it. My wife is a schoolteacher and she was in tears reading this. It's pitch-perfect.

Posted by: schizuki at December 30, 2010 12:04 PM (M+lbD)

4 Ezra Klein is weapons-grade stoopid, wrapped up in a punch-me face.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 12:04 PM (yR0zL)

5 In a just world, Iowahawk would RULE Hollywood.

Posted by: mark x at December 30, 2010 12:06 PM (ExizH)

6 "The Constitution Is Like Super-Old 'n Stuff"
I fail to see what is so amusing about this.  Please enlighten me.

Posted by: Spicoli at December 30, 2010 12:06 PM (8lSIO)

7 And this is exactly why I am recommending a death panel for the Constitution.


Posted by: Barack Obama at December 30, 2010 12:06 PM (7BU4a)

Posted by: Vic at December 30, 2010 12:07 PM (M9Ie6)

9 It's both important and juxtaposed!

Posted by: JackStraw at December 30, 2010 12:09 PM (TMB3S)

10 But what a foundational document was two hundred years ago
means nothing at all to me today

Posted by: Live (And Liberals in General) at December 30, 2010 12:10 PM (7BU4a)

11 Klein was a little pussy  boy in grade school.  I kicked his ass after school everyday for 6 years.

And now ... he's a big pussy  and  on TV.  Karma is a bitch.

I'm sorry.

Posted by: Butch at December 30, 2010 12:10 PM (ExizH)

12 It's also extemporaneous and versimilitudinous!


Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 12:10 PM (yR0zL)

13 Iowahawk demonstrates a deeper understanding of Ezra Klein than Klein's understanding of the constitution.

Posted by: maddogg at December 30, 2010 12:10 PM (OlN4e)

Posted by: fozzy at December 30, 2010 12:11 PM (lPLCj)

15 I haven't read IowaHawk's piece and I know it destroys Klein.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at December 30, 2010 12:11 PM (6SIms)

16 Iowahawk...now there's a funny blogger!

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 12:11 PM (DV6fI)

17 I haven't read IowaHawk's piece and I know it destroys Klein.

Posted by: MaxMBJ at December 30, 2010 05:11 PM (6SIms)

Nu-uh!!! Like you are SOOOOOO mean.

Posted by: Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:12 PM (7BU4a)

18 How can you spoof the original-he would be unspoofable except IH portion of the application that listed real world experience.

Posted by: ed at December 30, 2010 12:12 PM (Urhve)

19 Although the National Review gang is getting ready to respectfully take issue with the piece while acknowledging the genius that is Klein.

Posted by: ed at December 30, 2010 12:13 PM (Urhve)

20 I'm convinced Ezra Klein is on drugs.

Posted by: Mr. Hand at December 30, 2010 12:14 PM (DLxD/)

21 Thank God!

Posted by: Y-not is grateful for a thread that's not about cooters at December 30, 2010 12:15 PM (IDL9N)

22 Should I feel shame for wanting to run Ezra Kline over with a lawnmower?

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at December 30, 2010 12:15 PM (tETqd)

23 Woo hoo! Wife just got tenure.

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 30, 2010 12:15 PM (ON0+x)

24 I'm wondering if when Hitler was growing up he met somebody like Ezra; it wouldn't justify what he did at all but it would add some context....

Posted by: Captain Hate at December 30, 2010 12:16 PM (olKiY)

25 Where?

Posted by: Cooter at December 30, 2010 12:16 PM (SJ6/3)

26 Thank God!

Posted by: Y-not is grateful for a thread that's not about cooters at December 30, 2010 05:15 PM (IDL9N)

Ezra Klein...has a cooter or not? Discuss.

Posted by: John McLaughlin at December 30, 2010 12:17 PM (7BU4a)

27 Should I feel shame for wanting to run Ezra Kline over with a lawnmower?

Posted by: Rickshaw Jack at December 30, 2010 05:15 PM (tETqd)

Yes.

Posted by: Rachel Corrie at December 30, 2010 12:17 PM (7BU4a)

28
Anyone under 30 today is a shithead.

They know nothing.

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:17 PM (uFokq)

29
Except for that young punk who created Myface.

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:18 PM (uFokq)

30 Not knowing how old the constitution is? Is the guy an idiot? LOL!!! Uh...1776, right?

Posted by: Gwen Ifill at December 30, 2010 12:19 PM (7BU4a)

31 We should have a thread for appreciating poetry with the word "cooter" in every line.

Posted by: maddogg at December 30, 2010 12:19 PM (OlN4e)

32
link is funfunctional, btw

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:20 PM (uFokq)

33

Remind me who recommended we hire Ezra Klein?

Posted by: Fred Hiatt at December 30, 2010 12:20 PM (uCjoj)

34
okay, that's bettah

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:20 PM (uFokq)

35 Not as good as his text adventure game of the Obama administration, but witty nonetheless.

Posted by: Sponge at December 30, 2010 12:21 PM (UK9cE)

36 The real problem with the Constitution is the lack of a compelling love interest for our protagonist and, of course,  the constant re-writes or amendments as they are called. In general when you have that many authors to a script there are going to be problems and re-writes are necessary but they've changed it like 25 times or something. That's crazy.

Posted by: Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:22 PM (2IDCB)

37 How can you take people who have never tweeted seriously? What web presence did Jefferson have? See?

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 12:26 PM (MrMxG)

38

and this is precisely why we'll never Obama's school records, essays, nothing.

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:27 PM (uFokq)

39 Charles Krauthammer recommends that we still respect and admire Ezra Klein.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 12:27 PM (yR0zL)

40

I asked Iowahawk what source material he uses as a template/inspiration for his T-Cod pieces. I think he answered vaguely that he didn't know. I know what the template was for this piece, though.

Good one.  I forgot about that.  Sheesh, just about right too.

Posted by: rdbrewer at December 30, 2010 12:27 PM (guKJD)

41 Winston-Salem State Universitry (Earl "The Pearl" Monroe went there and Malcolm X flunked out).

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 30, 2010 12:27 PM (ON0+x)

42 Don't worry, even though if Christine Odonell had said this it would be front page news months after she lost in Delaware not only will we not report this as any kind of mental gaffe, we will continue to hire Ezra Klein to pontificate on TV as an "expert".

Posted by: The MFM at December 30, 2010 12:29 PM (ncA3g)

43

It is no compliment to liberalism that it's various inanities are visibly championed by the porous mind of Ezra Klein.

Posted by: Paper at December 30, 2010 12:29 PM (VoSja)

44 I recommend reading it all the way too the end

Posted by: maverick muse at December 30, 2010 12:30 PM (H+LJc)

45 heh, "too" went all the way, whereas "to" may have fainted.

Posted by: maverick muse at December 30, 2010 12:31 PM (H+LJc)

46 Can ya read the Constitution on the toilet in one sitting?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 12:32 PM (0GFWk)

47 LMAO!  That was hilarious.

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 12:34 PM (Z71Vg)

48

Within lefty liberal democrat socialist progressive circles - this is nothing new.  They all hate the constitution. They look at it like a list negatives.  The government is restrained, and they HATE that.  The constitution stands in the way of the left's communist Keynesian anti freedom wet dreams.

A modern progressive communist welfare state - where the government is godhead over our lowly lives is what animates these liberty-killing morons.

The constitution is the only thing that stands between the individual and the tyrannical rule of an all-powerful fascist government.

No wonder lefties and idiots like Ezra find it as a confusing irritant.

 

Posted by: Lemon Kitten at December 30, 2010 12:35 PM (0fzsA)

49 Did I win?

Posted by: Respectable Liberal Blogger Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:35 PM (VoSja)

50
oh boy do I have a craving for a bucket of chicken

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:37 PM (uFokq)

51 "The Constitution Is Like Super-Old 'n Stuff" - yeah, well so is Hugh Hefner, but we still "read the articles."

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 12:37 PM (MrMxG)

52 Check the last line in Klein's Wikipedia entry under "Career"  LOL!

Posted by: mrp at December 30, 2010 12:37 PM (HjPtV)

53 46 Can ya read the Constitution on the toilet in one sitting?

Sure, if you tear off the un-read portion to wipe after you're done with number Michelle.

Posted by: President Baracky Pissypants at December 30, 2010 12:38 PM (m59PD)

54

Did I win?

LOL.  I wasn't even finished laughing at the Iowahawk piece.

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 12:38 PM (Z71Vg)

55 Karma is a bitch.

Karma is BS. We still have Democrats.

Posted by: Barbarian at December 30, 2010 12:38 PM (EL+OC)

56
What is Ezra's stupid point, anyway?

That the Constitution is hard to read like the King James Bible, therefore it is outdated and obsolete?

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:39 PM (uFokq)

57 Yet we elected Jugears McFuckstick (props to whomever said that in the last thread as I'm still laughing at it) when he said he hated the Constitution because it told the government what it COULDN'T do.........

Nice job, dumbass voters.

Posted by: Sponge at December 30, 2010 12:39 PM (UK9cE)

58 Meggie looks alright in that Gawker photo.  I'd pork her, so to speak.

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 12:39 PM (S5YRY)

59 Meggie Mac just has big boobs so you won't notice the rest of her is fat. Yeah, I labelled her.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 12:40 PM (MrMxG)

60 What is Ezra's stupid point, anyway? That the Constitution is hard to read like the King James Bible, therefore it is outdated and obsolete? Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 05:39 PM (uFokq) Well yeah, that pretty much sums up liberal philosophy

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 12:40 PM (0GFWk)

61

Any guesses as to what book Klein is reading in the wiki picture?

We know it is less than 100 years old and not confusing.

Posted by: Paper at December 30, 2010 12:41 PM (VoSja)

62
We have our own version of Ezra Klein right here at AoS.

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:41 PM (uFokq)

63 Are the boobs real?  Or did she take mommy's money, get fake'ns and just forget to tell them to remove the yellow stuff everywhere else?

Posted by: Sponge at December 30, 2010 12:42 PM (UK9cE)

64 Lordy, that was brutal. My tummy hurts.

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 30, 2010 12:42 PM (et42O)

65
a funny p-chop would be Ezra holding the book The Cat in the Hat

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:42 PM (uFokq)

66 Gabezra?

Posted by: Paper at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (VoSja)

67

 Yet we elected Jugears McFuckstick (props to whomever said that in the last thread as I'm still laughing at it)

That was me.  I can't remember how I came up with it.  I'm fairly certain I stole it from someone else.

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (Z71Vg)

68
yeah

Gabezra Mein

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (uFokq)

69 Ya know, we better get some cool rulez ourselves or we'll be as bogus as that england place we left

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (S5YRY)

70 You can't fix a creature this clueless and stupid.

The most you can do is leave it alone or hope it tastes good on the grill.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 12:44 PM (yR0zL)

71 Funny....

Klein had justified excluding conservative Republicans from participation as "not about fostering ideology but preventing a collapse into flame war. The emphasis is on empiricism, not ideology".


The journolist wasn't a flame war?

Posted by: Sponge at December 30, 2010 12:44 PM (UK9cE)

72
I'd like to juxtapose my penor and McCainnette's big bum-bum.

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:45 PM (uFokq)

73 The Cat in the Hat is a telling allegory of the problems inherent in a profit-centered health care system. Are you not astute enough to see that 'Thing 1' and 'Thing 2' are administrative costs and CEO salaries destroying the American middle class?

Posted by: Respectable Liberal Blogger Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:45 PM (VoSja)

74

The most you can do is leave it alone or hope it tastes good on the grill.

Jesus, you guys are killing me today.  lol.  I needed a good laugh after this shitty week.

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 12:46 PM (Z71Vg)

75
My large amygdala makes me fear Ezra Klein's writing.

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:46 PM (uFokq)

76

How can you take people who have never tweeted seriously? What web presence did Jefferson have?

And, like, how come, I mean, how come, if Thomas Jefferson was so smart and stuff, then how come he's dead?

 



 

Posted by: Moron #1 at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (E8rdu)

77 Anyone under 30 today is a shithead.

They know nothing.

Posted by: microsoothsayer at December 30, 2010 05:17 PM (uFokq)

I can recite every Green Day song by heart and I totally kick ass at mario kart - top that!

Posted by: Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (7BU4a)

78 I asked Iowahawk what source material he uses as a template/inspiration for his T-Cod pieces. I think he answered vaguely that he didn't know. I know what the template was for this piece, though.

Yep.

Posted by: Nicholas Kronos at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (KktlX)

79 Would you like some green eggs and ham?

Posted by: Sam I Am at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (UK9cE)

80
One of the first things I learned in Psych-1 was that the word amygdala is a derivative of the word almond. That part of the brain is named such because of its almond-shape.

True story.

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:48 PM (uFokq)

81 One of the first things I learned in Psych-1 was that the word amygdala is a derivative of the word almond.

The first thing I discovered was that the chicks in Psychology tended to be deeply disturbed nymphs with daddy issues.  It was 50/50 whether they would cut you up after sex or not.

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (S5YRY)

82

'Green Eggs and Ham' is an excellent story about how the reactionary, non-empirical public was made to love government provision of health services through the work of tireless bureaucrats.

Posted by: Respectable Liberal Blogger Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:52 PM (VoSja)

83
Ace put up an afternoon jerkoff thread.

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (uFokq)

84 Where the Wild Things Are is an epic saga of one young revolutionary and his struggle to throw off the chains of white, bourgeois, corporate, Christian, heterosexual bigotry and find the Workers' Paradise that is possible through sporting a wispy goatee and owning a Mac.

Also fascism and America sucks.

Posted by: Respected Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 12:57 PM (yR0zL)

85 Goodnight Moon is a harrowing tale of a child losing everything due to global warming.

Posted by: Respectable Liberal Blogger Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 01:00 PM (VoSja)

86 Ezra Klein is NOT smarter than a fifth grader!

Posted by: Jeff Foxworthy at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (1+OO5)

87 "Asked if it was a gimmick, I replied that it was, because, well, it is. It's our founding document, not a spell that makes the traitors among us glow green."

Posted by: Respectable Liberal Blogger Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (VoSja)

88 Harold and the Purple Crayon is a deeply symbolic neo-colonialist parable depicting the the struggles of the infantalized White Male to repress his own vital unconscious inclinations towards freedom and open sexuality, and thereby to construct an hierarchical world of bourgeois ideals through the domination of the "colored" aspects.

Posted by: Respected Ezra Klein at December 30, 2010 01:13 PM (Y5I9o)

89 It's important!  I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.  +1 Iowahawk.

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 01:17 PM (x3YFz)

90 Klien is right. We should totally stop caring about the Constitution. Of course, that means we can completely ignore the Supreme Court, since it was created by the Constitution, and without the Constitution as justification for its rulings, there is no reason to pay attention to them. Goodbye Roe v. Wade. Goodbye Lawrence v. Texas. Shall we all think of our "favorite" Supreme Court rulings that we can throw out, not that the Constitution, and therefore the Supreme Court, just don't matter?

Posted by: Greg at December 30, 2010 01:20 PM (4Pleu)

91

@6: "I fail to see what is so amusing about this.  Please enlighten me."

If we don't get some cool rules, pronto, then we'll be bogus, too. 

Posted by: Fa Cube Itches at December 30, 2010 01:21 PM (xy9wk)

92 This is why I bring a box of wipes with me and sterilize my seat when I fly.

On a happier note, anyone see the news item about the German guy that cut the nuts off the 50 yr old that was dating his teenage daughter?

Posted by: nine coconuts at December 30, 2010 01:39 PM (DHNp4)

93 oops, wrong thread

Posted by: nine coconuts at December 30, 2010 01:40 PM (DHNp4)

94 That is some terrifyingly dead-on parody, to the point where I had to stop reading because it was too much like grading  my college freshman essays on the clock. 

Throw in a "In today's society..." and it's positively indistinguishable.

Posted by: Filly at December 30, 2010 01:49 PM (b6TLa)

95 Ezra Klein column: ..............Palin is Stupid.............. Republicans are racist..............we are smarter than everyone else...........Obama is super smart and super cool........................and I'm super cool and super smart because I know this....................

Posted by: AOS_Moron_#479 at December 30, 2010 01:52 PM (V9WrQ)

96 Iowahawk is Dave Barry3 with none of the money and even less fame. That, Sir, is a tragedy.

You really haven't been satirized until Iowahawk clamps down on your jugular. Wait. Not satirized. What's the word? Oh, yeah... mauled. Mauled is what I was looking for.

We need an "Iowahawk for Pulitzer" movement. Maybe we can convince him to sell shirts, too. That's where the big rewards are.

Posted by: AnonymousDrivel at December 30, 2010 01:59 PM (swuwV)

97

It's pitch-perfect.

It's also exactly 500 words long, not including the foot notes.

Posted by: FireHorse at December 30, 2010 02:20 PM (sWynj)

98 Funny cubed Iowahawk. I think we can get more into Mr. Klein by reading his biography. "Curious George gets a Yamaka".

Posted by: Oldsailor at December 30, 2010 02:27 PM (AovJ3)

99

Harold and the Purple Crayon is a deeply symbolic neo-colonialist parable depicting the the struggles of the infantalized White Male to repress his own vital unconscious inclinations towards freedom and open sexuality, and thereby to construct an hierarchical world of bourgeois ideals through the domination of the "colored" aspects.

That's a poignant oibservation, but who do you think would win in a fight between Ramona Quimby and Junie B. Jones?

Posted by: FireHorse at December 30, 2010 02:31 PM (sWynj)

100 (edit on #100: There's no i in observation. There really is, but it comes closer to the end. Also, I meant to say whom instead of who. That wouldn't be grammatically correct but it seems smarter.)

Posted by: FireHorse at December 30, 2010 02:33 PM (sWynj)

101 No deconstructionist analyses of the conformist "detective" works of the feminist protagonist Nancy Drew, or the reactionary Hardy Boys, or other neo-fascist, male-dominationist propagandist fiction? For shame. But then, like Charlie Gibson, perhaps Klein never heard of 'em.

Posted by: ExExZonie at December 30, 2010 02:59 PM (vW8Pt)

102 #100 That's a poignant observation, but who do you think would win in a fight between Ramona Quimby and Junie B. Jones? Junie B would eventually come out on top because her lesbian friends Lucille and Grace would bum rush Ramona, grab her by the hair and bash her face into the side walk. Of course the young lesbos would expect Junies virginity and repeatedly rape her until they got their "perceived" payback. Junie would of course turn to drugs and alcohol to mask the pain. She would steal a car and while on a meth fueled bender, be captured by an unsavory small town Sheriff. He would sell her into white slavery where she would end up on a cargo ship with a North Korean Diplomat. That's why I teach my children fighting is never the answer.

Posted by: Oldsailor at December 30, 2010 03:00 PM (AovJ3)

103 It was 50/50 whether they would cut you up after sex or not.

----------------------

[cracks knuckles]

I like those odds...

Posted by: schizuki at December 30, 2010 03:57 PM (M+lbD)

104 I think I've seen some of Iowahawk's work over on Encyclopedia Dramatica. No shit.

Posted by: SGT Dan at December 30, 2010 04:12 PM (up/so)

105 If I were him I would return to pieces like this over and over just to laugh at the wonder of my own talent.

Posted by: jmflynny at December 30, 2010 05:17 PM (piMMO)

106 But I bet Ezra thinks Sarah Palin is too dumb to be in politics or the pundit business.

Posted by: Decaf at December 30, 2010 09:08 PM (C119q)

107 4
Ezra Klein is weapons-grade stoopid, wrapped up in a punch-me face.
Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 05:04 PM (yR0zL)

Ooooooh! Me likey!

Posted by: in after the spam bots at December 30, 2010 09:42 PM (yRrAd)

108 Ezra's main problem with understanding the Constitution is that it makes heavy use of declarative sentences rather than wandering aimlessly through clause after clause of elliptically worded and ill-thought out ideas that wander off to ... where the hell am I?

Posted by: in after the spam bots at December 30, 2010 09:58 PM (yRrAd)

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