March 29, 2007

"I don't have sex with my monkey"
— Ace

If you're denying it, you've already got a PR problem on your hands.

The head of a Plano school district facility that houses exotic animals said Monday he fears for his professional future there after saying he believed that a local pet owner was having sexual relations with his rhesus macaque monkey.

The Plano Star Courier in Saturday's edition quoted Plano ISD's Jim Dunlap as saying a man was having relations with the monkey seized last month by authorities. The head of PISD's Living Materials Center said the pet owner, Bobby Crawford Jr., sent a box of toys for Darwin the monkey to play with while he was kept there. In that box was an audiotape.

"After listening to the tape, Dunlap said Crawford made references to Darwin and himself engaging in mutual stimulation," the story read.

In an interview Monday with The Dallas Morning News, Mr. Dunlap said he had been going through "holy hell" over the story. He said the Star Courier reported information that was "off the record and not to be printed."

"I've been expecting any moment to get a phone call from my supervisor saying, 'You've been put on administrative leave,' or from somebody saying, 'I'm suing,' " Mr. Dunlap said.

Rick Mann, managing editor of the Star Courier, said, "I'll simply say the story speaks for itself."

The monkey and a tarantula were returned to Mr. Crawford on Friday.

Mr. Crawford said he did send a tape for the monkey to listen to, but that he was probably crying when he recorded it and that it contains nothing but comforting baby talk. He said there was nothing sexually suggestive on the tape and called Mr. Dunlap's initial conclusion "ridiculous."

"I don't have sex with my monkey. That's absolute crap," Mr. Crawford said. "Why would I do that? I gave him an audiotape, but it didn't have anything like that on it. It said, 'I'm coming home, I'm coming to get you. Daddy's coming, he's coming to get you,' " Mr. Crawford said.

Mr. Dunlap said that he made a "gross error" and that his interpretation of the tape was just that – his and no one else's.

"I interpreted what I heard and saw in my own way, and I can't say that's correct. It's just me, what I think. I can't argue with Mr. Crawford about what he meant," Mr. Dunlap said. "I took it on surface value about what he said. I just don't want to deal with it anymore. He may be totally honest and right in what he thinks about the way he sounded."

Police say they have no reason to believe any crime was committed.

Because -- is it really a crime to be in love?

Just kidding. The guy was just doing some baby-talk with his monkey (how else are you supposed to talk to a monkey?) and this other guy seems to have been dirty-minded in interpreting that "Daddy's coming to get you" stuff.

Musical Accompaniment: from Slublog. Well, really from the Beatles.

Posted by: Ace at 09:34 AM | Comments (19)
Post contains 520 words, total size 3 kb.

1 Ace, you gotta be kidding me.  The monkey's name is "macaque"?  Clearly it's a dirty, filthy whore that got everything that was coming to him.

Posted by: Sobek at March 29, 2007 09:42 AM (6GK9U)

2 Daddy's .... coming .... HOOOOOOME!

Posted by: Bobby Crawford at March 29, 2007 09:43 AM (JefgB)

3 Piker.

Posted by: BJ Hathaway at March 29, 2007 09:43 AM (JefgB)

4 If a tape landed in your hands of someone supposedly doing the nasty with a monkey, wouldn't you just turn it over to the cops and be done with it? It's more than bizarre the guy is giving interviews.

Posted by: Red at March 29, 2007 09:52 AM (pPek3)

5 Now ist ze time on Sprockets vhen vee dance!

Posted by: Jack M. at March 29, 2007 09:58 AM (gfp19)


Mr. Crawford said he did send a tape for the monkey to listen to, but that he was probably crying when he recorded it


Over a macaque?!

Now, a red-assed baboon, sure, I could see someone crying over that...that sweet, sweet red ass...

Posted by: Uncle Jefe at March 29, 2007 10:02 AM (iBgga)


All I can think of is the monkey making the  ' O face '...

God help me...

Posted by: Barbula at March 29, 2007 10:11 AM (zf6OM)


That love which dare not speak its name.




Posted by: Dave in Texas at March 29, 2007 10:24 AM (pzen5)

9 In Plano, Monkey Spanks You!

Posted by: Jackoff Smirnoff at March 29, 2007 10:28 AM (4s1it)

10 My children attended that school. I moved them to another school after the first few months. One of my worst experiences, ever.

Posted by: pa as at March 29, 2007 10:30 AM (3YtMS)

Your inside is out and your outside is in

Your outside is in and your inside is out

Posted by: Slublog at March 29, 2007 10:31 AM (R8+nJ)


Handjobs aren't sex, right?

Posted by: Dave at March 29, 2007 11:28 AM (7z+ns)


Kiss me macaca!  Oops.  Did I say macaca?

Posted by: pistolero at March 29, 2007 11:32 AM (TVmcw)

14 Would oppressive and theocratic Christianists deny this man the opportunity to marry the primate of his choice?  Unless, of course, he spanked the monkey, because that would be spouse abuse.

Posted by: Emperor of Icecream at March 29, 2007 11:46 AM (w4Bx4)

15 Hey, thanks for that 'NSFW' warning, Dave you homo.

(of course, it should be obvious that any URL hot-linked to the text 'Handjobs' is probably going to be nsfw, O-Muse, you idiot...)

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 29, 2007 11:48 AM (CkYzD)

16 let me get this straight it's ok me to to handle a macaque monkey, but it's wrong for me to hand a monkey macaque? 10-4.

Posted by: mark c at March 29, 2007 12:43 PM (sgmtF)

17 Gimme a break.  You Know My Name (Look Up The Number) beats that tune with a stick.  (And would have been even funnier.)

Posted by: Scott Crawford at March 29, 2007 07:58 PM (Erboo)


This story has lit like wildfire across the country because frankly, it sounds so funny. But in reality, it's destroying the life of a very good man.

The accuser, Jim Dunlap, already ADMITTED to The Dallas Morning News that his ACCUSATION IS FALSE. But nobody is paying attention to THAT part, because it's funnier to laugh at the lie that some weirdo had sex with a monkey.

As you might guess, I know Robert Crawford (he doesn't go by the name Bobby) very well. I've been watching this lie rip his life to shreds. So to whoever above chose to post AS Bobby Crawford, all I can say is that you're as despicable as Jim Dunlap, the orginal false-accuser. Probably worse, because you don't even have the guts to identify yourself when you spew your filth. You're a liar AND a pussy.

Hey, I get the fact that the story just plain sounds funny, so it doesn't bother me to see people making jokes about it. People are people. Funny is funny. That's cool. But when you try to convince the world that you're the party being defamed, you are no longer worth the paper you wipe your ass with. I know that you'll laugh at my post here, and make fun of me for taking your post too seriously. "It was just a joke, man..." Yeah well, that joke is destroying someone I care about. And believe me, I understand that a simple apology is orders of magnitude beyond your means.

But your morally bankrupt heart isn't the one I'm trying to reach. Gradeschool bullies like you claim that you would just laugh it off if animal rights protesters were defacing your home over something you not only did not do, but are disgusted at the very thought of. You think you're tough enough to stand up the the mob of PETA jerk-offs who dump baseballs into socks, gang up on you, and beat you senseless for a crime you not only never committed, but never would have ever DREAMED of committing. Behind your pansy-ass anonimity on the web, you'll even convince yourself that any time anyone types anything into the internet, it's fair game for whatever vile puke of a response you can attempt to muster for a laugh.

But there are some human beings who read here... it's them I'm really trying to reach. My desire is to remind them that even I agree that it's cool to have a laugh over this... but it gets putrid and revolting the minute you start trying to convince the world that your filth is the truth.

If you want to know the TRUTH behind this story, check out the "Updates" page on WWW.SAVEDARWIN.COM.

For the human beings among you, try being a part of helping someone, not a part of destroying the life of a falsely-accused man.

Posted by: Darnitol at March 30, 2007 11:24 AM (pLiSA)

19 Jokes aside (and there were a few that made me giggle), LOL.
This man was keeping dangerous animals illegally. Putting his neighbors and others at risk. What about the children in the neighborhood if one of his animals escaped?
WAIT! I thought I read in the paper that one animal had escaped and was missing.
Crazy. Ignorant. Was he thinking of others by what he was doing?

I feel no sympathy for this man. And the jokes are appropriate for what he was doing.  These jokes are the least of his problems.

Posted by: Tina at July 23, 2007 05:25 AM (6Johy)

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