February 28, 2006

Howard Dean's Four-Point Plan For Vapidity
— Ace

I used to make this same joke about Clinton's five-point plans all the time. He would just count off his fingers how to "solve" problems, but each of his solutions was merely a goal, not a "solution," and, on top of that, a very obvious goal and a very difficult one to achieve, too. He never would explain how to achieve these goals, but the liberal media always ooohed and aaahed at how "fluid" he was in presenting solutions.

It was like Steve Martin's plan to make a million dollars and never pay taxes on it. First, make a million dollars, next...

Anyway, the New Editor slaps Dean up for his idiocy:

Gov. Dean boldly offered the Democrats' four-point plan for national defense.

"First we will conclude the negotiations with the Chinese and the North Koreans to disarm North Korea. Secondly, under no circumstances will a Democratic Administration ever allow Iran to become a nuclear power. Three, we will kill or capture Osama bin Laden and four, the authority and the control of the ports of the United States must be retained by American companies," said Dean.

The stunning simplicity of Dean's plan is rumored to have sent shock waves throughout the US defense community.

The New Editor offers other rumored Howard Dean Four-Point Plan, including:

The Health Care Four-Point Plan

Dean's rumored plan: "First, we will provide health care. Second, it will be very good. Third, it will be cheap. Fourth, it will be cheap and very good."

Posted by: Ace at 07:18 PM | Comments (45)
Post contains 261 words, total size 2 kb.

1 The Feisty R. Whore 4-point plan to do my snuggly lil aceypoo

1) Place link on website to Snuggly HQ
2) Fly to Boston
3) Ask nicely, emphasizing that I provide 4 times the prolactin levels during orgasm compared to one's hand
4) Do Snuggly

Posted by: Feisty at February 28, 2006 07:32 PM (tYXLk)

2 I read that excerpt the first time and thought it was a joke or a condensed summary of a longer speech. No, Dean really said that.

And I can't blame him for doing so. I mean, there's that big red button on the Oval Office Desk marked "capture Osama bin Laden", and for some reason Bush just hasn't pushed it yet.

Posted by: See-Dubya at February 28, 2006 08:22 PM (r/WMQ)

3 My Plan to Rule the World:

First, acquire lots of nuclear weapons. Second, disarm everybody else. Third, issue an ultimatum. Fourth, have lunch.

Posted by: lyle at February 28, 2006 08:33 PM (hYnX/)

4 Let me make two points: the first point is that the second point should be done in conjunction with the first point...........which is the second point.

Posted by: Dr. Dean at February 28, 2006 08:38 PM (h6GvW)

5 Drunken, cheating, loser men with no jobs are more creative than this when creating lies as to why some stupid hot chick should stay with them even though they are complete losers (I know)

Dean is in essense admiting that the dems are nothing more than drunken unemployed moronic losers that you SHOULDN'T stay with.

Posted by: wickedpinto at February 28, 2006 09:44 PM (QTv8u)

6 And based on Zombies posts, Dean isn't even playing to hot chicks. He's so desperate he has to lie to fat, unbathed petuli smelling hogs.

Posted by: wickedpinto at February 28, 2006 09:45 PM (QTv8u)

7 Am I the only one that thinks this is similar to the Underpants Gnomes' business plan?

Posted by: embittered redleg at February 28, 2006 11:41 PM (7f8Tk)

8 This is a perfect example of the Ross Perot method of getting votes in an election. When he ran in 1992, he fooled a majority of the 19% that voted for him. He had no plan. He just told them what they wanted to hear. I watched him during a Larry King interview:

Caller: Mr. Perot, unemployment is bad. What can you do about helping that?

Perot: You know what, you are right. Unemployment is bad. If I am elected President, I am going to do something about it.

Caller: Mr. Perot, you are an inspiration to us all.

This went on for an hour.

Bill Clinton proved that you can be a "beloved" President by merely polling the American people and doing what the polls say, regardless of your beliefs (assuming he had any.) That's not leadership, however.

Posted by: Steve L. at March 01, 2006 03:30 AM (hpZf2)

9 Reminds me of Kerry's "plans" during the '04 campaign. He was going to do everything twice as fast, bigger, and better than Bush.

Posted by: Golden Boy at March 01, 2006 03:35 AM (8CfR3)

10 As well as longer and uncut.

Posted by: Tongueboy at March 01, 2006 04:02 AM (nug4S)

11 Howard Dean's 4-Point Plan For Winning The Hazzard County Fair Hot Dog Eating Contest

1. Practice his intake technique on an anatomically correct mandoll with thick, black-framed glasses who goes by the name of "Hairy Gary".

2. Sneak into Boss Hog's office and press the "stomach staple my opponents" button. You know, the one next to the "random railroad crossing guard lowering button" that just sooooo infuriates the Dukes.

3. Set Daisy Duke up in a Kisses (and More!) Booth about, oh, 30 minutes before the contest.

4. Enjoy those de-lish Ballpark franks and sashay out of Rubeville with a pretty blue ribbon and the first prize of two cases of PBR.

In the parlance of the electorally-based community: "Mission accomplished."

Posted by: Tongueboy at March 01, 2006 04:18 AM (nug4S)

12 My Plan to Rule the World:

First, acquire lots of nuclear weapons. Second, disarm everybody else. Third, issue an ultimatum. Fourth, have lunch.


This is actually Dick Cheney's plan to rule the world, only unlike the rest of us, he can actually make this plan happen.
Only sometimes he skips lunch.

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 01, 2006 04:54 AM (we8HZ)

13 In this country, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the woman.

Posted by: lauraw at March 01, 2006 05:28 AM (J1iNG)

14 OregonMuse,

That's what makes my plan different. The lunch part.

Posted by: lyle at March 01, 2006 05:49 AM (4oNlg)

15 Gnome 1: This is where all our work is done.
Kyle: So what are you gonna do with all these underpants you steal?
Gnome 1: Collecting underpants is just phase one. Phase one: collect underpants.
Kyle: So what's phase two?
[Silence]
Gnome 1: Hey, what's phase two?!
Gnome 2: Phase one: we collect underpants.
Gnome 1: Ya, ya, ya. But what about phase two?
[Silence]
Gnome 2: Well, phase three is profit. Get it?
Stan: I don't get it.
Gnome 2: (Goes over to a chart on the wall) You see, Phase one: collect underpants, phase two-
[Silence]
Gnome 2: Phase three: profit.
Cartman: Oh I get it.
Stan: No you don't.
Kyle: Do you guys know anything about corporations?
Gnome 2: You bet we do.
Gnome 1: Us gnomes are geniuses at corporations.

Posted by: DANEgerus at March 01, 2006 06:38 AM (J8yxJ)

16 My plan to be the most envied man in the world:

1. Have with lots and lots of deviant sex with super hot chicks.
2. Get them to pay me for it.
3. Use this money to buy every television station in the world.
4. Broadcast me having lots and lots of devian sex with super hot chicks to the entire world.

I f'kn rule.

Posted by: The Warden at March 01, 2006 08:31 AM (rkK3q)

17 Mike must still have his head up Howard's ass, since he hasn't surfaced to explain that Howard's 'plan' is actually the smartest thing anyone has ever said (except for Pinch's latest Disinformationatorial defending it).

Posted by: max at March 01, 2006 09:00 AM (g25b7)

18 Mike/Mary's Plan:
First -Place right hand on right buttock.
Second -Place left hand on left buttock.
Third -Push really hard.
Fourth -Wipe Howard's poopy from face and say "Those are the greatest plans Howard".

Posted by: The Real Steve at March 01, 2006 10:07 AM (n0lBX)

19 My Plan for to get rid of MaryMikeGenoJersey:

1. Stick MaryMikeGenoJersey's head up it's ass.
2. Tell it to Jump.
3. MaryMikeGenoJersey disappears!

Posted by: Madfish Willie at March 01, 2006 10:17 AM (D2pBz)

20 Mike must still have his head up Howard's ass, since he hasn't surfaced to explain that Howard's 'plan' is actually the smartest thing anyone has ever said (except for Pinch's latest Disinformationatorial defending it).

Actually, I have never seen MaryMike actually defend any item on the Democrat/liberal agenda. All (s)he does is show up periodically in these comment threads and fling poo around like an incontinent howler monkey.

Posted by: OregonMuse at March 01, 2006 03:42 PM (we8HZ)

21 Questions:

Was Mike a hemorrhoid in his previous life?

If Mike is reincarnated, will he come back as a hemorrhoid?

Is Mike a hemorrhoid right now?

Now that Mike's saloons have all closed, could he make a living as a poster boy for Preparation H?

Posted by: max at March 01, 2006 04:12 PM (INrY9)

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