December 30, 2010

Hot Tamales: Man Arrested For Masturbating On Flight; Claims He Was Just Trying to Relieve Burning from Spilled Tabasco
— Ace

In flight entertainment.

Arrested this week for allegedly masturbating while seated next to a teenage girl on an airplane flight, the 50-year-old suspect told police that he was actually massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.

The girl, 17, saw him doing the deed under the fold-down tray, in the, uhh, upright and locked position, IYKWIMAITYD.

There's a time for that, and that time, of course, is overnight flights.

Posted by: Ace at 12:38 PM | Comments (264)
Post contains 113 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Happens all the time Ma'am...all the time.

Posted by: Sgt. Joe Friday at December 30, 2010 12:40 PM (6DDE+)

2 That will be an extra $99 fee.

Posted by: Spirit Airlines at December 30, 2010 12:41 PM (uCjoj)

3 Pardon, but does anyone happen to speak jive?

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 12:41 PM (DV6fI)

4 Arrested this week for allegedly masturbating while seated next to a teenage girl on an airplane flight, the 50-year-old suspect told police that he was actually massaging and itching himself because he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis.

LOL, he needs to run for the Senate in SC as a Dem. But no, wrong color; he can't win.

Posted by: Vic at December 30, 2010 12:41 PM (M9Ie6)

5 Ace, you should have whipped out a Hangover reference, it was begging for it.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 30, 2010 12:42 PM (2IDCB)

6 Sometimes ya gotta scratch that itch!

Posted by: Moron #1 at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (E8rdu)

7 ...and by the way, my partner was first!

Posted by: Officer Bill Gannon at December 30, 2010 12:43 PM (6DDE+)

8

Tabasco sauce on his penis

This is more common than you would think.

Posted by: Porno Gil at December 30, 2010 12:44 PM (DV6fI)

9 That guy is 50? He looks like 40, max. I'm going to have to try that Tabasco on the wiener thing.

Posted by: Anon Y. Mous at December 30, 2010 12:45 PM (u9vQo)

10

what's all the fuss about?

Posted by: Zoo Chimp at December 30, 2010 12:46 PM (ehKDD)

11 OK, I'll ask it.  Exactly how does one spill Tabasco on one's privates?  Wasn't he wearing pants?  And how much Tabasco are we talking about?  Most people shake a few drops onto their food.  It isn't like he spilled a cup of coffee.  In any case, wouldn't you go to the bathroom and clean up?  No, I'm just not buying it.  I think he was cleaning the underside of the fold-down tray.

Posted by: pep at December 30, 2010 12:46 PM (8lSIO)

12 Maybe this 50-year-old guy simply misheard the stewardess when she asked him: "Peanuts?"

Posted by: Slappy at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (ljvjO)

13 Tabasco?  What a wimp.  Real men masturbate with Habanero lube.

Posted by: fozzy at December 30, 2010 12:47 PM (lPLCj)

14 Tabasco testing at TSA checkpoints NOW !

Posted by: Barbarian at December 30, 2010 12:48 PM (EL+OC)

15 Viva Chalupa!

Posted by: FlaviusJulius at December 30, 2010 12:49 PM (SJ6/3)

16 This is why I take Amtrak.

Posted by: Joe Biden at December 30, 2010 12:49 PM (DV6fI)

17 The guy should have said he spilled Texas Pete's Hot Sauce.

Posted by: Thomas at December 30, 2010 12:50 PM (PveSc)

18 "he had spilled Tabasco sauce on his penis"

Should I bother asking?

Posted by: Benson at December 30, 2010 12:50 PM (qzcNU)

19 the TSA Agent started it...

Posted by: Handy Peterson at December 30, 2010 12:50 PM (ehKDD)

20

Rafael Escamilla stars in

Flight of the Fap-igator

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 12:50 PM (DV6fI)

21 It is better to take care of an itch yourself.  Trust me on this. 

Posted by: James Bond, post-chair scene at December 30, 2010 12:50 PM (m59PD)

22 What, he's supposed to pay someone else to handle his bag?

Posted by: Lincolntf at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (ON0+x)

23 A man is sitting next to a woman on an airplane. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes himself off with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine.

The woman cannot believe what she has just seen. He sneezes again, unzips and wipes himself off with the handkerchief.

The woman says, "Sir, that's disgusting and rude! If you do it again, I'm going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."

He says, "I'm so sorry that I've offended you. I have this very rare, embarrassing condition that causes me to orgasm every time I sneeze."

The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty, says with sympathy, "Oh, you poor man. What do you take for it?"

"Pepper," he answers.

I can't believe nobody remembered this joke.

Posted by: lowandslow at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (rplS1)

24 Dumbshit.  He should have said he was rubbing out the contusion that the TSA crank-groper gave him at the airport.

Posted by: Cicero at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (QKKT0)

25 >When confronted by cops, Escamilla denied exposing himself. “I wasn’t out, I wasn’t hanging out,” he claimed. As reported by Officer Chris Reese, Escamilla “explained to me that he had spilled Tabasco sauce or something similar on his ‘penis’ and had an incredible itch.” He was rubbing his groin, Escamilla explained, “because it was the worst ‘itch in the world.’” Escamilla said he tried to be discreet by covering himself with his laptop, but that the girl must have “suspected something.”


Too funny.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (2IDCB)

26 Sche said she wanted my hot burrito, mang!

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 12:51 PM (6DDE+)

27 Shit after reading stuff like this I always feel just alittle more normal. A little

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 12:52 PM (0GFWk)

28 Is it still the MileHigh Club if its a solo?

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 12:53 PM (S5YRY)

29 This never would have happened if they still handed out free blankets.

Damn budget cuts.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 30, 2010 12:53 PM (HicGG)

30

After waiting two to three minutes, the girl

She should have said "No". 

Then "Go". 

 and "Tell Someone You Trust".

Posted by: Webster at December 30, 2010 12:53 PM (DV6fI)

31 "Pepper," he answers.
I can't believe nobody remembered this joke.

Dude, it's "ragweed".  Sheesh.  I have to do all the work.

Posted by: pep at December 30, 2010 12:53 PM (8lSIO)

32 where is the bit from Mallrats when we need it?

Posted by: The Dude at December 30, 2010 12:53 PM (Ig1Wo)

33 Allegedly masturbating...ALLEGEDLY!!!

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 12:54 PM (6DDE+)

34
wow it's been weeks since we had a jerkoff thread

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (uFokq)

35 Ya know if they had not taken the girls box cutter away at check-in she could have "Bobbited" this in the bud.

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (0GFWk)

36 Bets on which Moron this is in the mug shot?

Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (et42O)

37 he had spilled Tabasco sauce or something similar on his ‘penis’

I mean, really, did he spill so many things that he wasn't sure which one it was?

Posted by: pep at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (8lSIO)

38

Terrorists, terrorist bluffers/pretenders, crazy flight attendants, crazy passengers, crying babies, sexual deviants, kids kicking the back of my seat, 400 pound fellow travelers, late flights, missed connections, airplanes stuck on the tarmac, kids refusing to turn off electronics, people sneaking cigs in the bathroom, sick passengers, kids who sit in the wrong seats, PO'ed pilots, TSA gropers, lost baggage, weather delays, airport food, airline food.

I am dreading my next plane travel experience.

Fly the friendly fucked-up skies! 

Posted by: Meremortal at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (IqTwj)

39 I'm actually a few years older than 17, but thank you!

Posted by: Christine O'Donnell at December 30, 2010 12:55 PM (wH+4Z)

40 I think we should have the "time and place" flamewar in this thread. Bring it!

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 12:56 PM (MrMxG)

41 Bets on which Moron this is in the mug shot? Posted by: IllTemperedCur at December 30, 2010 05:55 PM (et42O) Kilgore Trout

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 12:56 PM (0GFWk)

42 I wasn't rubbing my tallywacker, my tallywacker kept rubbing up against my hand.

Posted by: Sparky at December 30, 2010 12:56 PM (r0u40)

43 "I wasn't hanging out"

That sentence will save you more times than not.

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 12:57 PM (S5YRY)

44
what, you don't eat your Taco Bell with your penor hanging out?

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 12:57 PM (uFokq)

45 You could make this shit up, but who would believe it unless it was first "reported" by the MSM?

Posted by: NC Ref at December 30, 2010 12:58 PM (73rgY)

46 Why do they always look precisely as you imagined the Booking Photo would look??

Posted by: ktgreat at December 30, 2010 12:58 PM (crXRa)

47

where is the bit from Mallrats when we need it?

Ah, Cousin Walter...

 

Posted by: Brodie at December 30, 2010 12:58 PM (DV6fI)

48 Then again, a thread about an itchy penis... hmmm, is this an improvement? 

Posted by: Y-not is grateful for a thread that's not about cooters at December 30, 2010 12:58 PM (IDL9N)

49

Jesus, even under pressure I'm sure I could have come up with a better lie than that.

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 12:58 PM (Z71Vg)

50 But wait! There's more from the link:

According to an online biography, Escamilla is an accomplished physical therapist who holds a Ph.D. and has worked as a professor at Duke University and California State University. Escamilla currently works as research director at the Florida orthopedics and sports medicine institute founded by Dr. James Andrews, the noted surgeon whose clientele has included Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, Charles Barkley, Jack Nicklaus, Roger Clemens, and Drew Brees.

See, it's okay he's a trained professional. He was just releasing his 2nd Chackra.

Posted by: DrewM. at December 30, 2010 12:59 PM (HicGG)

51 Oh, and BRB.  Need to run to the store for some tobasco.

Posted by: NC Ref at December 30, 2010 12:59 PM (73rgY)

52 3 guesses who he voted for President?

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 12:59 PM (MrMxG)

53

I'm going to have to steal that Tobasco line.

Posted by: Julian Assange at December 30, 2010 12:59 PM (5qBd2)

54 It's a well-known fact that sudden cabin decompression can suck your dick right out of your pants.

Posted by: Cicero at December 30, 2010 01:00 PM (QKKT0)

55

Re my #41

I forgot one. People bringing steamer trunks on the plane as carryon luggage.

Posted by: Meremortal at December 30, 2010 01:00 PM (IqTwj)

56 Okay, I just saw this part. Teh Awesome: According to an online biography, Escamilla is an accomplished physical therapist who holds a Ph.D. and has worked as a professor at Duke University and California State University. Escamilla currently works as research director at the Florida orthopedics and sports medicine institute founded by Dr. James Andrews, the noted surgeon whose clientele has included Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, Charles Barkley, Jack Nicklaus, Roger Clemens, and Drew Brees.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (MrMxG)

57 Those in the know, know you take care of this in the cab on the way to the airport.

Philistines.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (yR0zL)

58 >According to an online biography, Escamilla is an accomplished physical therapist who holds a Ph.D. and has worked as a professor at Duke University and California State University. Escamilla currently works as research director at the Florida orthopedics and sports medicine institute founded by Dr. James Andrews, the noted surgeon whose clientele has included Michael Jordan, Peyton Manning, Charles Barkley, Jack Nicklaus, Roger Clemens, and Drew Brees.


That guy looks very familiar.

Posted by: Dr Spank at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (2IDCB)

59 How am I not mentioned in here?

Posted by: Paul Reubens at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (DV6fI)

60 whew! damn it was HOT in there.

Posted by: 2nd Chakra at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (ehKDD)

61 It was hair gel!

Posted by: toby928 at December 30, 2010 01:01 PM (S5YRY)

62 One of the comments: "She'll be taking the bus from now on"

I don't know how it is in Idaho, but around here the chance of rubbing elbows with even shadier individuals is even greater on the bus.

A shame, too, because I loved riding on Greyhound when I was a kid.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at December 30, 2010 01:02 PM (nD3Pg)

63 Cmon, your sitting there next to a HOT CHEERLEADER who is looking at PROM DRESSES in SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE - tell me you don't get a little caliente in your peeny.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (MrMxG)

64 Whatever you do, do not bring tobasco sauce to the movie theater.

Posted by: Pee Wee Herman at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (2IDCB)

65 Is Brett Farve one of his clients?

Posted by: Boots at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (neKzn)

66 This is why I am a lesbian.

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (DV6fI)

67 En Fuego!

Posted by: that guy that shouts enfuego! at December 30, 2010 01:03 PM (S5YRY)

68 If the damn stewardesses would just put out like they do in the movies, we wouldn't have this problem.

Damn. 

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 01:04 PM (yR0zL)

69 I remember years ago, when I was traveling with my mom on Greyhound, the old man next to me took his junk out and it was just laying there.  I just kept staring at it.  I mean, c'mon I was like 7 or 8.  I knew what it was but had never seen one before.  Needless to say, I was NOT impressed. 

Posted by: jewells45 at December 30, 2010 01:04 PM (Z71Vg)

70 Bitch set us up.

Posted by: Tabasco, Inc. at December 30, 2010 01:04 PM (yR0zL)

71 Ace, I love ya man, but bragging about your in-flight exploits is just a little over the top, yeah?

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (x3YFz)

72 Cleaning the Custard Gun...eh?

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (SLttp)

73 Bidness Class if for taking care of bidness.

Posted by: JackStraw at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (TMB3S)

74

Cmon, your sitting there next to a HOT CHEERLEADER who is looking at PROM DRESSES in SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE - tell me you don't get a little caliente in your peeny.

That is disgusting, sir!

Now if she were reading 'Highlights'...

Posted by: Roman Polanski at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (DV6fI)

75
You grew up in a European sexploitation film?

Posted by: microsoothsayer iglesias at December 30, 2010 01:05 PM (uFokq)

76

Fly the friendly fucked-up skies! 

Posted by: Meremortal at December 30, 2010 05:55 PM (IqTwj)

You forgot people who fart

Posted by: Dr. Phil at December 30, 2010 01:06 PM (c1oyg)

77 That is disgusting, sir! Now if she were reading 'Highlights'... Posted by: Roman Polanski at December 30, 2010 06:05 PM (DV6fI) Isn't 17 a tad to old for you?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 01:06 PM (0GFWk)

78 69 This is why I am a lesbian.

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 06:03 PM (DV6fI)

If I had boobs, I'd be a lesbian, too. 

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 01:06 PM (x3YFz)

79 You forgot people who fart Posted by: Dr. Phil at December 30, 2010 06:06 PM (c1oyg) Oh I could clear the cabin at 35,000 feet if i wanted to

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 01:07 PM (0GFWk)

80 Priming the Yogart Pump...eh?

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:07 PM (SLttp)

81

I remember years ago, when I was traveling with my mom on Greyhound, the old man next to me took his junk out and it was just laying there. 

The guy was just hanging brain...

Posted by: Creed Bratton at December 30, 2010 01:07 PM (DV6fI)

82

The news don't report the conversation between the two:

Dude: "I can give your coffee a little cream, just gimme a minute."

Girl: "I prefer my coffee black, like my men."

Posted by: The Q at December 30, 2010 01:07 PM (5qBd2)

83 Ah, that's nothing.

Posted by: Brett Favre's Camera at December 30, 2010 01:07 PM (IpIBJ)

84 On a flight to Japan, the same tool said I spilled soy sauce on my lap and that caused me pump my hips up and down, and then asked the flight attendant..."haven't you ever heard of salt peter"????

Posted by: Sparky at December 30, 2010 01:08 PM (r0u40)

85 Why tabasco?
Ketchup just doesn't provide the same sensation.

Posted by: real joe at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (IpIBJ)

86 In a handwritten statement, the girl recalled, “I looked over and I could clearly see the man’s penis going side to side under the tray table that was down.”

Side to side?  This loser can't even flog the bishop right. 

Posted by: Dr. Phil at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (c1oyg)

87

Isn't 17 a tad to old for you?

Isn't 17 a little too old for 'Highlights'?

Besides, I'd never do something like that without paying the girls mother first.

Posted by: Roman Polanski at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (DV6fI)

88 Ketchup just doesn't provide the same sensation. Posted by: real joe at December 30, 2010 06:09 PM (IpIBJ) Well if ya shove the bottle up your .......?

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (0GFWk)

89 I wonder if he likes to pick up dog shit?

Posted by: almost-a-zombie hugh hefner at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (2rOwc)

90 85

The news don't report the conversation between the two:

Dude: "I can give your coffee a little cream, just gimme a minute."

Girl: "I prefer my coffee black, like my men."

Posted by: The Q at December 30, 2010 06:07 PM (5qBd2)

10 year old kid.  Airplane.

Nailed it!

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (x3YFz)

91 "But Doctor, why do I have to stop masturbating?"
"Because I am trying to examine you."

Posted by: real joe at December 30, 2010 01:09 PM (IpIBJ)

92 Who wants the see the mug shot of the guy?!

Where's a picture of the girl???

Fap fap fap fap fap...

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:10 PM (TXKVh)

93

If I had boobs, I'd be a lesbian, too. 

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 06:06 PM (x3YFz)

I'd never leave the house

Posted by: Dr. Phil at December 30, 2010 01:10 PM (c1oyg)

94 Escamilla, she added, had one hand on his laptop (which was atop the tray table) and the other “under the tray table.”

Yeah, he had an "itch", mmm-hmmm...

And as the story noted, why use the word "rub" or "massage" to a describe an itch like this to a cop in this situation?

Posted by: Kratos (Ghost of Sparta) at December 30, 2010 01:10 PM (m59PD)

95 But she LOOKED 18.

Posted by: Butch at December 30, 2010 01:10 PM (ExizH)

96 Grey Poupon is so much more, well,  sophisticated.

Posted by: 1st Class Traveller at December 30, 2010 01:11 PM (EL+OC)

97 89 In a handwritten statement, the girl recalled, “I looked over and I could clearly see the man’s penis going side to side under the tray table that was down.”

Side to side?  This loser can't even flog the bishop right. 

Posted by: Dr. Phil at December 30, 2010 06:09 PM (c1oyg)

Did you just say "flog the bishop?"  You brits and your crappy food just slay me.

Posted by: tangonine at December 30, 2010 01:11 PM (x3YFz)

98 "And as the story noted, why use the word "rub" or "massage" to a describe an itch like this to a cop in this situation?" Mebbe the cop was hot?

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:11 PM (MrMxG)

99 He totally misunderstood the term "in-flight personal entertainment device."

Posted by: Cicero at December 30, 2010 01:12 PM (QKKT0)

100

-Escamilla, she added, had one hand on his laptop (which was atop the tray table) and the other “under the tray table.”

-Side to side?  This loser can't even flog the bishop right.

Maybe has he logged in to eHow?

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 01:12 PM (DV6fI)

101 Mebbe the cop was hot? Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 06:11 PM (MrMxG) yeah right? This was Idaho not Rome Italy

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 01:12 PM (0GFWk)

102 A shame, too, because I loved riding on Greyhound when I was a kid.
Did you like movies about gladiators, too, Blacque Jacques Shellacque?

Posted by: captain oveur at December 30, 2010 01:13 PM (2rOwc)

103 Damn. No freedom anymore. Can't even go a couple rounds with the one-eyed champ in the privacy of your own lap.

Fascism.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 01:13 PM (yR0zL)

104 That Curtain really provides no protection, there should really be a locked door!

Posted by: Jerry Seinfeld at December 30, 2010 01:14 PM (DV6fI)

105 100 89 In a handwritten statement, the girl recalled, “I looked over and I could clearly see the man’s penis going side to side under the tray table that was down.”

Side to side?  This loser can't even flog the bishop right. 
Posted by: Dr. Phil

Have you flown coach lately?  It's so damn cramped that's the only way you can do it!

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:14 PM (TXKVh)

106 The mug shot of this guy defines the term shit-eatin' grin.

Posted by: real joe at December 30, 2010 01:15 PM (IpIBJ)

107 I was poking fun at the Alvin Greene episode above but I thought I would check the laws for this in SC. What is ironic is that his showing of the "pictures" of his (or someone else's) talliwhacker" is a felony punishable by 5 years unless she was under 18, then it is 10 years.

However, actually whipping the real thing out and masturbating in front of her, regardless of age, is a misdemeanor. How do laws get this screwed up?

By people demanding that "purveyors of filthy pornography" be punished.

Posted by: Vic at December 30, 2010 01:15 PM (M9Ie6)

108 But their advertising clearly says, "Fly the friendly skies," but this isn't very friendly!

Posted by: hos escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:15 PM (2rOwc)

109 Now, if he managed to leak some classified information from the US, it would all be cool. Amirite?

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:16 PM (MrMxG)

110 70 En Fuego!

Posted by: that guy that shouts enfuego! at December 30, 2010 06:03 PM (S5YRY)



That's MY line!!!

Posted by: Duke professor's dick at December 30, 2010 01:16 PM (73rgY)

111

Rule #1:

If a Tabasco Incident arises mid-flight......immediately dip...dip...dip "Mr. President" into a cool glass of Milk.

Rule #2:

Never talk about Fight Club

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:16 PM (SLttp)

112 That's the "what the fuck. ya got me. the guys at work are never gonna shut up." grin.

Posted by: sifty at December 30, 2010 01:16 PM (yR0zL)

113 Man,  doesn't this guy know what those pillows and blankets are for?

And you always wondered why they're so darn sticky.


Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:16 PM (TXKVh)

114 I am thinking that the next guy who has to get physical therapy from him is gonna feel really, really self-conscious.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:17 PM (MrMxG)

115
I bet he'll get off.   The evidence won't stand up in court.

Posted by: Pee Wee Herman Recycled Jokes Department at December 30, 2010 01:18 PM (TcaE8)

116 And you always wondered why they're so darn sticky.

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 06:16 PM (TXKVh)

<<<Shudder>>> I'd rather use a stranger's toothbrush than get anywhere near airplane pillows and blankets.  Might as well lick the cabin floor

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 01:19 PM (c1oyg)

117 Maybe he was just looking at the latest issue of SkyMall and was excited about all the bargains on luggage and pet products.

Posted by: Slappy at December 30, 2010 01:19 PM (ljvjO)

118 We can haz cheerleader photo?

Posted by: Jose Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:19 PM (DV6fI)

119

This actually from his resume:  A professional journal article, Effects of bat grip on baseball hitting kinematics

Absolutely true.

Posted by: David Spence at December 30, 2010 01:20 PM (kj7QE)

120 114

Rule #1:

If a Tabasco Incident arises


RULE #1:  NEVER TALK ABOUT TOBASCO INCIDENT!!!

Posted by: Duke professor's dick at December 30, 2010 01:20 PM (73rgY)

121 Hey baby... you like tabasco with your eggs?

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:20 PM (saRwI)

122

I must say I find those ads asking, "If you died today, who would take care of your family?" absolutely hilarious. In the most recent appearance, we see a little girl doubled up in grief over a tombstone that just says "Father".

If you're suspectible to this sort of blatant emotional display, you probably voted for Barry.

Posted by: Dack Thrombosis at December 30, 2010 01:21 PM (P33XN)

123 Needs to cop to a substance abuse problem and go into rehab.  That seems to absolve everyone else these days.

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 01:22 PM (c1oyg)

124 The TSA are the fluffers in this flick.

Posted by: t-bird at December 30, 2010 01:23 PM (kho+0)

125 The girl, a high school cheerleader who just turned 17, told cops that she was seated directly next to Escamilla, and had chatted briefly with him at the trip’s outset. Mid-flight, as she looked at prom dresses in Seventeen magazine...

Not guilty by reason of provocation and total reasonableness, Your Honor.

Posted by: Just about any of the Kennedys at December 30, 2010 01:23 PM (HIjt4)

126 So that's what Masturbatin' Pete looks like

Posted by: Government Cheese at December 30, 2010 01:23 PM (c1oyg)

127 "¡Sí, Me Puede!"

Posted by: Jose Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:23 PM (DV6fI)

128

"Effects of Bat Kung Fu Grip on Baseball Pud Hitting Kinematics"

FIFY!

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:25 PM (SLttp)

129

Keep it in the family, dude.

Posted by: Professor David Epstein at December 30, 2010 01:26 PM (DV6fI)

130 That's fucked up. What about equal opportunity. A man would never turn a female seat mate in for buffin the muffin. We would be like little cheerleaders. "You go girl, get it, mmmmmm" Unless she was ugly. Or would not reciprocate in the rest room.

Posted by: Oldsailor at December 30, 2010 01:26 PM (AovJ3)

131 So what's the big deal? Everyone knows there's not enough room for leg-humping on a plane.

Posted by: CaptainNegative at December 30, 2010 01:27 PM (3nX/9)

132 Look Mom...."One Hand!"

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:28 PM (SLttp)

133 Oldsailor this ought to bring back memories then: "I will cut your throat if you don't ...."

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:28 PM (MrMxG)

134

I keep editing myself but I just want you all to know, this story makes me so happy....!!! Thank you.

Posted by: Canadian Infidel at December 30, 2010 01:29 PM (GKQDR)

135 Might as well lick the cabin floor
Or cabin carpet.

Posted by: rosie o'donut at December 30, 2010 01:30 PM (2rOwc)

136 "You go girl, get it, mmmmmm"
Posted by: Oldsailor

Oh crap!  LOL!!!

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:30 PM (TXKVh)

137 I was just thinking though, if CDR M puts up a pic of this cheerleader, you KNOW there is something wrong with her.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:32 PM (MrMxG)

138 Might as well lick the cabin floor
Posted by: Ombudsman

Now we're talkin'.  Totally freaking HOT!

Fap fap fap fap fap fap...

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:32 PM (TXKVh)

139 That's fucked up. What about equal opportunity. A man would never turn a female seat mate in for buffin the muffin. We would be like little cheerleaders. "You go girl, get it, mmmmmm" Unless she was ugly. Or would not reciprocate in the rest room.

Posted by: Oldsailor at December 30, 2010 06:26 PM (AovJ3)

Which raises the question: are vibrators on the list of "electronic devices" you can't use during takeoff and landing?

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 01:33 PM (c1oyg)

140 Unless she was ugly.

Posted by: Oldsailor at December 30, 2010 06:26 PM (AovJ3)

That's (sensory) assault.

Posted by: iknowtheleft at December 30, 2010 01:33 PM (G/MYk)

141 One of his clients is A-Rod

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 01:34 PM (+sBB4)

142 I'd use the  'I'd   taken a Viagra and had a 4 hour hard-on' excuse ... and sue Pfizer.

Posted by: Butch at December 30, 2010 01:34 PM (ExizH)

143 Crap call on K State for excessive celebration.  Ref's just changed the game.

Posted by: NC Ref who gets paid to make calls like this at December 30, 2010 01:34 PM (73rgY)

144 Another sad result of the airlines taking away those free blankets.

Posted by: Max Entropy at December 30, 2010 01:35 PM (lH6z9)

145 The flight was from Salt Lake to Lewiston, Idaho. He didn't have time to use the bathroom and 'rub the Tabasco off'.

Posted by: t-bird at December 30, 2010 01:35 PM (kho+0)

146 @7: "...and by the way, my partner was first!"

Posted by: Officer Bill Gannon at December 30, 2010 05:43 PM (6DDE+)

-------------------

No, he's MY partner.

Posted by: Pep Streebeck at December 30, 2010 01:35 PM (xy9wk)

147 Unless they're going to pick the rule book to death after the fact.  Best way to handle that...look the other way and get ready for the next play.

Posted by: NC Ref who gets paid to make calls like this at December 30, 2010 01:36 PM (73rgY)

148 Wow, anybody watching the Pinstripe bowl? That official should be fired for calling excessive celebration, fucking pathetic, wonder who's paying him off to make bullshit calls like that?

Posted by: booger at December 30, 2010 01:36 PM (9RFH1)

149 The Old HotSauce on the Penis Trick.

Posted by: Maxwell Smart at December 30, 2010 01:37 PM (MMC8r)

150 IYKWIMAITYD.

What the hell does this mean?

Posted by: Timbo at December 30, 2010 01:37 PM (ph9vn)

151

One of his clients is A-Rod

I work vigorously on a rod!

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:37 PM (DV6fI)

152

Which raises the question: are vibrators on the list of "electronic devices" you can't use during takeoff and landing?

Posted by: Ombudsman

"...it's a dildo. Of course it's company policy never to, imply ownership in the event of a dildo... always use the indefinite article a dildo, never your dildo."

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:37 PM (TXKVh)

153 If you know what I mean and I think you do

Posted by: Canadian Infidel at December 30, 2010 01:38 PM (GKQDR)

154

IYKWIMAITYD:

"If you know what I mean, and I think you do!"

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:38 PM (fqxV7)

155 "Hey baby... you like tabasco with your eggs?"

'Course, if tabasco and eggs isn't your thing, I've got some Hollandaise sauce if you're interested. Homemade, too!


Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:38 PM (N//pm)

156 if ya look real fast, he kinda looks like Chevy Chase

Posted by: nevergiveup at December 30, 2010 01:39 PM (0GFWk)

157 Is it masturbating if you go side to side? 

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 01:40 PM (+sBB4)

158 THANK YOU!

Posted by: Timbo at December 30, 2010 01:40 PM (ph9vn)

159 She said "Hello?"  I thought she said, "Why don't you put some Tabasco on your dick and let me watch you rub it off."

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 01:40 PM (guKJD)

160

And I'm the next seat.....I say, "No....you don't want Hollandaise Sauce...You want Gravy......I got plenty over here....Sir....could lean back a little?"

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:41 PM (fqxV7)

161 'Course, if tabasco and eggs isn't your thing, I've got some Hollandaise sauce if you're interested. Homemade, too!

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 06:38 PM (N//pm)

Hollandaise?  A course of Penicillin should take care of that.  Have it looking like tartar sauce in no time

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 01:41 PM (c1oyg)

162 159 if ya look real fast, he kinda looks like Chevy Chase Posted by: nevergiveup

That's what I'm talkin' about!  Lickin' the cabin floor!

Hottest thread EVER!!!

Fap fap fap fap...

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:42 PM (TXKVh)

163 I don't understand the problem here...

Posted by: AllahP's Open Pie Hole at December 30, 2010 01:43 PM (EL+OC)

164

He heard the stewardess talking about the pilot's joystick and, well, one thing led to another, and the whole situation just got out of hand.

Sorry, poor choice of words.

Posted by: Jay Guevara at December 30, 2010 01:44 PM (m+Utx)

165 Go Tar Heels!!!

Posted by: NC Ref done with the football threadjack at December 30, 2010 01:44 PM (73rgY)

166 "Posted by: NC Ref done with the football threadjack at December 30, 2010 06:44 PM (73rgY)" Threadjack - I see what you did there.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 01:46 PM (MrMxG)

167 Damn, check out that Pedo-Smile. Maddox had it right, all those years ago.

Posted by: GOno at December 30, 2010 01:47 PM (nTd0a)

168 USF website says he's a " A prolific author and noted musculoskeletal researcher"

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 01:47 PM (+sBB4)

169

If you read the article, it turns out he didn't actually have any Tobasco in his possession.  Dude- a good lie has to be at least somewhat plausible.

At least the girl stayed in her seat a few minutes to give him time to finish.  Damned polite of her.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 30, 2010 01:47 PM (plsiE)

170 When's the last time they served tabasco sauce on a flight?

Posted by: Moi at December 30, 2010 01:47 PM (Ez4Ql)

171 He was shooting Snakes on Planes II.

Posted by: dogfish at December 30, 2010 01:47 PM (VZ2iQ)

172

Is it masturbating if you go side to side? 

You can't 'walk it off' on a plane.

I  had no choice but to 'shake it off'?

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:48 PM (DV6fI)

173 She said "hello"?  I thought she said, "Spank that monkey, boy."

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 01:49 PM (guKJD)

174 What, you guys don't put Tabasco sauce down your pants?

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 01:49 PM (guKJD)

175

He heard the stewardess talking about the pilot's joystick

"Faps Down"

Posted by: Co-Pilot at December 30, 2010 01:49 PM (DV6fI)

176 She said "hello"?  I thought she said, "Lemme see you beat that dick like it owes you money."

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 01:50 PM (guKJD)

177

"I was Havesting Mushroon Caps....I grow them in my pocket....NO Really!"

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:50 PM (fqxV7)

178 We're slow dancin', swayin' to the music.
slow dancin', just me and my girl.

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 01:51 PM (+sBB4)

179 OK, come on, like you guys could really come up with a better excuse than Tabasco.

Give me your best shot.

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 01:52 PM (+sBB4)

180

Can we jerk off?

Yes we can!

Posted by: Barack Obama at December 30, 2010 01:52 PM (m+Utx)

181 Could imagine what this guys wife is going to say? I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:52 PM (fqxV7)

182

Stewardess, I don't think this is my meal...

I specifically requested the 'Warm Cantaloupe'.

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 01:53 PM (DV6fI)

183 She said "hello"?  I thought she said, "Lemme see you beat that dick like it owes you money."

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 06:50 PM (guKJD)

I was sitting at the dinner table with my wife.  I meant to ask her to pass the salt.  Instead I said, "you fucking bitch, you ruined my life".

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 01:54 PM (c1oyg)

184 Is it masturbating if you go side to side? 


The fact that he broke out his junk at all is extremely suspect. But yeah, the side to side thing, way off the preferred method; kind of supports his "story". If he's lucky he'll get a male judge who knows the only time jimmy wags back and forth is when your showing off or your taking care of a mean itch.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at December 30, 2010 01:54 PM (0q2P7)

185 I don't think we need to go through the formality of a membership vote with this guy.

Posted by: Steve L. at December 30, 2010 01:54 PM (/7n/7)

186 Give me your best shot.

heh


Posted by: booger giggles at double entendres at December 30, 2010 01:54 PM (9RFH1)

187

Give me your best shot.

I was venting my swim bladder.

Posted by: Aqua Man at December 30, 2010 01:55 PM (DV6fI)

188

I would have said that I had a bad case of Jock Itch.

or

I would have said that I shaved my junk for the wife, and the stubble was cutting the inside of my thigh, and I was just trying re-situate my junk to a convenient position.

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 01:55 PM (fqxV7)

189 Look, officer. I had to take it out. Otherwise there would have been an embarrassing stain on my pants from the constant gonorrhea drip.

Posted by: Empire of Jeff at December 30, 2010 01:55 PM (TATbF)

190 Funniest excuse ever: the girl wasn't hot, the sauce was... The guy probably travels light, sauce bottle and some taco bell sauce packs... And a few napkins

Posted by: Shawarma at December 30, 2010 01:56 PM (/XOdg)

191

OK, come on, like you guys could really come up with a better excuse than Tabasco.

Give me your best shot.

Apologize and claim you have autism, but forgot to take your meds that morning.  Then start rambling about Judge Wapner.

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 30, 2010 01:56 PM (plsiE)

192

Give me your best shot.

If I didn't perform that emergency tracheotomy, that Snork would have died, Jim!

Posted by: Bones at December 30, 2010 01:57 PM (DV6fI)

193 ...allegedly masturbating....

All of that effort wasted on a 17 year old.  She wasn't even sure about what he was doing.  Silly boy.

Posted by: Tricks Shouldn't Be Reserved For Kids....Plain & Simple at December 30, 2010 01:58 PM (H7HcA)

194 Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 01:58 PM (fqxV7)

195 Give me your best shot.

Pi,
I try and avoid situations where I need really good excuses by not whipping my junk out:

publicly
or,
around under age girls.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at December 30, 2010 02:00 PM (0q2P7)

196 Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 06:58 PM (fqxV7)

You know, therapy can help with that.

Posted by: Ombudsman at December 30, 2010 02:00 PM (c1oyg)

197

Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap

That's just some Rotar Wash...nothing to worry about.

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:00 PM (DV6fI)

198

OK, come on, like you guys could really come up with a better excuse than Tabasco.

Give me your best shot.

Or not be a dumbass and confess that your were touching yourself at all.  Deny, deny, deny and make counter accusations.  "I did no such thing; it was she that made an inappropriate sexual remarks."

Posted by: Hollowpoint at December 30, 2010 02:00 PM (plsiE)

199 Give me your best shot.

Therapy !

Posted by: Carpal's Victim at December 30, 2010 02:01 PM (EL+OC)

200 Could imagine what this guys wife is going to say? I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation.

That isn't the only thing on the wall! <wink>

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:01 PM (N//pm)

201

around under age girls.

He was traveling from Utah to Idaho...might be of consenting age in both those states.  Creepy but true.

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 02:01 PM (DV6fI)

202 Was he on JetBlueballs?

Posted by: twiceblessedmom at December 30, 2010 02:02 PM (HjxoE)

203 ...assuming she's as old as the Seventeen magazine.

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 02:02 PM (DV6fI)

204 What is the problem here?

Posted by: Barney Frank at December 30, 2010 02:03 PM (EL+OC)

205 I have a friend who claims that he once masturbated with tabasco sauce, because... actually I have no idea why the hell he would do that. I guess to prove how hardcore he is, or something.

Posted by: thisheavenlyhell at December 30, 2010 02:04 PM (8uDC8)

206

What is the problem here?

No Ticket.

Posted by: Indiana Jones at December 30, 2010 02:04 PM (DV6fI)

207 Needs to cop to a substance abuse problem and go into rehab.  That seems to absolve everyone else these days.~Ombudsman

He claims he's gay and he'll skate.

Posted by: Speller at December 30, 2010 02:06 PM (J74Py)

208 Anyone ever accidentially get a little Icy Hot on the Tools after rough day on the field? It isn't pleasant! 

Posted by: Jimi at December 30, 2010 02:06 PM (fqxV7)

209 Number 2 on avoiding this problem.
Men have been grabbing their junk to service an itch at inappropriate times for so long that women simply roll their eyes at it; it has even become iconic in baseball. Rule 1. Hand stays outside the pants. 2 If you can't achieve satisfaction that way, time to go somewhere private to chase your itch.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at December 30, 2010 02:06 PM (0q2P7)

210 I was practicing the Islamic ritual of Asura and I have been discriminated against by Westerners.

Death to America.

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 02:08 PM (+sBB4)

211 Anyone ever accidentially get a little Icy Hot on the Tools after rough day on the field? It isn't pleasant!

Forgot to wash hands after cooking.
Had to answer natures call.
Dave's Insanity.
45 solid minutes of an itching burning sensation.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at December 30, 2010 02:08 PM (0q2P7)

212

"get a little Icy Hot on the Tools"

Hottest Thread EVER!

Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap!

Posted by: Dang at December 30, 2010 02:09 PM (fqxV7)

213 Go to Buffalo Wings Factory. Get the Flatliner. Get some sauce on your hand. Go to the bathroom. DON'T wash your hands before pulling it out. Trust me, you won't be rubbing and massaging it.

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 02:10 PM (MrMxG)

214 45 solid minutes of an itching burning sensation.

I can remember that pain like it was yesterday.
Burned into my head I tell you.

Posted by: MikeTheMoose at December 30, 2010 02:11 PM (0q2P7)

215 Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap Fap

Even from a "distance", I can tell--and appreciate--what Dang is up to.  Dang, dang.  No "allegedly" there.

Posted by: Keep 'em...uhm..'.im...comin at December 30, 2010 02:14 PM (H7HcA)

216 She said "hello"?  I thought she said, "Beat that fat hog."

Posted by: Guy on the Plane at December 30, 2010 02:14 PM (guKJD)

217 He took ... IT out

Posted by: Elaine Benes at December 30, 2010 02:17 PM (vdfwz)

218 Is it masturbating if you go side to side? No, it's jack-waggin'.

Posted by: t-bird at December 30, 2010 02:17 PM (kho+0)

219 I just poured some on my junk as an experiment.  I don't feel a thing.

Oh.. wait... something's gone terribly ...

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 02:18 PM (+sBB4)

220 Flir de fe de flurma.

Posted by: Swedish Chef at December 30, 2010 02:19 PM (DV6fI)

221 Let me tell you this... I am never doing THAT... again

Posted by: George Costanza at December 30, 2010 02:20 PM (vdfwz)

222 Thanks guys. For the first time in my life you've made me glad to be female.

Posted by: thisheavenlyhell at December 30, 2010 02:21 PM (8uDC8)

223 Your honor, I was just practicing my audition for the Walking Dead.

Posted by: Cherry π at December 30, 2010 02:22 PM (+sBB4)

224 "Thanks guys. For the first time in my life you've made me glad to be female." Come on over. I think I can make you glad of that again. A/S/L?

Posted by: blaster at December 30, 2010 02:24 PM (MrMxG)

225 Before we judge Mr Escamilla, we should at least find out what the inflight movie was.

Posted by: Pee Wee Herman at December 30, 2010 02:25 PM (vdfwz)

226 Forgot to wash hands after cooking.
Had to answer natures call.
Dave's Insanity.
45 solid minutes of an itching burning sensation.

I had a friend who did this, except he didn't touch his own junk, it was worse. He was trying to get close with a lady friend when she started screeching in pain. Needless to say that relationship didn't pan out.

Posted by: Angry Beaver at December 30, 2010 02:28 PM (XFrSe)

227 Shame on him, he could have at least waited until he got to the urinal!

Posted by: George Michael at December 30, 2010 02:28 PM (vdfwz)

228 228 Before we judge Mr Escamilla, we should at least find out what the inflight movie was.
Posted by: Pee Wee Herman at December 30, 2010 07:25 PM

Vanilla Sky

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:30 PM (vdfwz)

229

 it was worse. He was trying to get close with a lady friend when she started screeching in pain.

That's a tough place to rinse with milk.

Posted by: garrett at December 30, 2010 02:30 PM (DV6fI)

230 He was trying to get close with a lady friend when she started screeching in pain.

A case of "he said, she said?"  Exactly what kind of a "screech" was it?

Posted by: Keep 'em...uhm..'.im...comin at December 30, 2010 02:31 PM (H7HcA)

231 I feel your pain, Mr. Escamilla.

Posted by: Bill Clinton at December 30, 2010 02:31 PM (m+Utx)

232 Hey, I was protesting against the defeat of the DREAM Act. It was a demonstration! Free speech, ese!

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:32 PM (m+Utx)

233 Note to self:  No more free blankets on planes.  Must pack one myself.

Also, Tobasco sauce not itchy enough.  Next time bring Quaker Steak & Lube Atomic Wing Sauce.  

Yeah, that's the ticket.  And maybe some of those free wet wipes too.

Posted by: Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:32 PM (7cXE7)

234 Come on over. I think I can make you glad of that again.

Not.. not what I meant..

Posted by: thisheavenlyhell at December 30, 2010 02:35 PM (8uDC8)

235 By the way fuckers,

It's DOCTOR Rafael Escamilla to you.

Posted by: Dr. Rafael Escamilla at December 30, 2010 02:37 PM (7cXE7)

236 Bald Guys?

They have more testosterone, and they can't get dates.

Fail!

Posted by: Charlie Gibson at December 30, 2010 02:38 PM (+9aUV)

237 Barney: What is the problem here?

Oh...well, in that case:  Move along, folks.  Wrong crowd.

Posted by: Nothing to see here at December 30, 2010 02:38 PM (H7HcA)

238 Oh, thh, your words say no, but your sleeping eyes say....

Posted by: Julian Assange at December 30, 2010 02:41 PM (MrMxG)

239 Oh, thh, your words say no, but your sleeping eyes say.... Posted by: Julian Assange

Dude, stop kidding yourself. You like boys.

Posted by: thisheavenlyhell at December 30, 2010 02:45 PM (8uDC8)

240 How do you get Tabasco on a flight - the little MRE bottles?

Posted by: Jean at December 30, 2010 02:46 PM (PBnLr)

241 ...but your sleeping eyes say....

Was that the night at the Paramus Holiday Inn? I was having a drink at the bar, ...

Don't remember a thing.

Posted by: Nothing to see here at December 30, 2010 02:47 PM (H7HcA)

242 Assange looks better as a platinum blonde.

Posted by: DANEgerus at December 30, 2010 02:49 PM (e3/KR)

243 I know. I'm just a HOT MESS!

Posted by: Julian Assange at December 30, 2010 02:55 PM (MrMxG)

244 Is he wearing a Bad News Bear's jersey? If he is, he's off the hook.

Posted by: ErikW at December 30, 2010 02:56 PM (9ii0E)

245 To end this off...as he was being taken away....he commented to the 17 year old cheerleader "I wasn't thinking of you...I was thinking of your hotter, younger friend!!"

Posted by: Canadian Infidel at December 30, 2010 03:02 PM (GKQDR)

246 I gotta say,his excuse rings true to me.

Posted by: steevy at December 30, 2010 03:16 PM (+UOop)

247 ...your sitting there next to a HOT CHEERLEADER who is looking at PROM DRESSES in SEVENTEEN MAGAZINE - tell me you don't get a little caliente in your peeny.

Nah, I'm in my fifties. Now if she was a good-looking early-thirties type, I might pay attention.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at December 30, 2010 03:26 PM (nD3Pg)

248 That's like that time the receptionist interrupted me when I was trying to get peanut butter off my johnson in the supply closet.  It turned into this big misunderstanding.  Women.

Posted by: Ted Kennedy's Gristle Encased Head at December 30, 2010 03:27 PM (+lsX1)

249 Did you like movies about gladiators, too, Blacque Jacques Shellacque?

No, I just liked riding the bus. Back then, fellow passengers weren't troublemakers, perverts, or other degenerates.

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at December 30, 2010 03:30 PM (nD3Pg)

250 I'm the girl for you then!  Early thirties, still reading 17 AND wearing prom dresses every chance I get.  Lucky man.

Posted by: Julia at December 30, 2010 03:37 PM (H7HcA)

251 Someone who's thirty and still reading Seventeen probably has issues...

Posted by: Blacque Jacques Shellacque at December 30, 2010 03:47 PM (nD3Pg)

252 Authorities dismissed his claim ATM receipts proved he was not on the plane at the time alleged.

Posted by: eman at December 30, 2010 04:03 PM (AakSA)

253 What airlines offers condiments? I have to pack my own lunch anymore.

Posted by: bugsrus at December 30, 2010 04:44 PM (kTpXU)

254 Masturbation: You meet a better class of people that way.

Posted by: CMU VET at December 30, 2010 04:45 PM (6rIpR)

255 Yeah well if he was some hunky stud younger guy she wouldn't have cared, probably.

Posted by: Christopher Taylor at December 30, 2010 04:53 PM (61b7k)

Posted by: hi at December 30, 2010 05:08 PM (60d7M)

257 256 What airlines offers condiments? I have to pack my own lunch anymore.

Posted by: bugsrus at December 30, 2010 09:44 PM (kTpXU)

MAYONNAISE!!!11elventy!!!

Posted by: The Condiment Aisle at December 30, 2010 05:43 PM (6DDE+)

258 Luckily the TSA people had overlooked her box-cutters...

Posted by: Hard Truth at December 30, 2010 06:43 PM (1kwr2)

259 Did he pay for that extra legroom?

Posted by: Tattoo De Plane at December 30, 2010 06:43 PM (mHQ7T)

260 What? You can't even jerk off on a plane any more? WTF?

Posted by: cackfinger at December 31, 2010 12:05 AM (TUBcJ)

261 Now I know why the Tabasco advertising slogan is, "so much more than hot!"

Posted by: Asscrackerton at December 31, 2010 01:25 AM (0ba8c)

262 thanks for sharing friend. please visit me
Wong goblog
Asuhan Keperawatan
ngekngok
Song Lyric
badboybaik

Posted by: ngekngok at December 31, 2010 05:54 AM (K///b)

263 Being a private dick, it occurs to me that the hot sauce wouldn't come in contact with the private part unless the private part was exposed to the air, IYKWIM. To be charitable, it's possible that the guy has a medical condition that precludes wearing pants, esp. when there are 17 year old girls nearby. A good lawyer, a good judge; it could turn out OK for him. Probably sue the girl for exacerbating his condition, plus pain and suffering damages.

Posted by: jbarntt at December 31, 2010 10:27 AM (UNFot)

264 You put the Tabasco in the condom AFTER you're done so some skank doesn't steal your seed and claim you knocked her up.

Posted by: Dusty Gibbons at December 31, 2010 11:09 AM (edYGU)

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