June 30, 2007

Glasgow Terror: What would Scotty do?
— Jack M.


If you are like me, you often find that in times of trouble and uncertainty you seek guidance and comfort from sources of spiritual purity. Luckily for me, I am often able to find these souces of inspiration on Nick at Nite after I've finished watching Red Eye w/ Greg Gutfeld.

So it is that I have reverted to form, by asking myself "in the wake of the terror attacks in Scotland, what would my hero, Cmdr. Montgomery Scott, do?"

Luckily, as I meditated upon this question, the answer came to me in a Star Trek: Original Series episode called "A Taste of Armageddon".

The relevant passage from the Book of Scotty is as follows:

And so Scotty said to McCoy: "The best diplomat that I know is a fully loaded phaser bank!" And McCoy nodded, for he knew that it was good advice, even though he was a Doctor, dammit, and not a scary smart former CIA operative.

Here's to ya, Cmdr. Scott. Set phasers on kill.

Posted by: Jack M. at 01:00 PM | Comments (64)
Post contains 180 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Nice.  You folks keep this up and that moron Johnson is gonna have so many new a$$holes they be calling him Lorraine, not Larry..

Posted by: Dusty at June 30, 2007 01:10 PM (GJLeQ)

2

No one killed and a bunch of very p1ssed off Brits/Scots.


Really the bad publicity from this should be a good wake up call in the UK.


But here in the U.S. not so much where lefties are concerned.


I wince at the recollection, but I mentioned events in Glasgow in passing to my Uber Lib neighbor a little while ago.


She scoffed, asked if I believe what I see and muttered some about conspiracy, wag the dog, suspicious timing since Bush is hiding docs.


WTF ? This woman is a retired Univ. Professor mind you.


Man the Moonbat Koolaid never wears off.........


 


 


Posted by: GoldenPears at June 30, 2007 01:36 PM (ykWIv)

3 Hey GoldenPears,

Your retired professor neighbor wouldn't happen to have a name that is an anagram of "Feb Drisch", would he/she?

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 01:41 PM (T93tD)

4 Ace,

I'm surprised you don't know this, but Scotty wasn't an officer.  His rank was the equivalent to a US Navy Master Chief Petty Officer.  His rank on the show was Chief Engineer.  He was third in command though, which is odd because Sulu and Chekov were both officers who outranked him.

Anyways, I hope these ragheads realize what they've done.  They've pissed off the Scots and that's not what you do after having watched Braveheart.



Posted by: EC at June 30, 2007 01:49 PM (3k8DL)

5 Set the scanners to target any  asshole pointed  toward the sky and fire repeated phaser bursts until vaporization occurs.

Posted by: 1sttofight at June 30, 2007 01:50 PM (IXpFN)

6 I thought he was an engineering officer. Wasn't he the head snipe? Chief engineer doesn't translate to Chief Petty Officer.
(I'm the jarhead grunt son of an airdale MCPO)

Posted by: carl hungus at June 30, 2007 01:57 PM (bWkaR)

7 Actually, EC..Scotty was promoted from Cheif Engineer to Commander. He even got promoted to the Rank of Captain, as the movies kept going.

I stuck with Commander because he really didn't get referred to as "Captain" very often, and because it was the highest rank he had attained which was referenced with some regularity.

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 02:00 PM (T93tD)

8 Wiki says (since this is not a life or death situation, I'll accept it) that in the orginal series he was a Lt. Commander, Cheif Engineer and Second Officer (i.e. third-in-command after Spock).

Posted by: Actual at June 30, 2007 02:05 PM (euV7B)

9 If Scotty had been on board Voyager, there wouldn't have been a series. He would have gotten them home during the pilot.

Posted by: Eric J at June 30, 2007 02:06 PM (5PRM2)

10 O'Brien (DS9 version) was the lone Chief of Engineering of the various series who was not an officer.

Posted by: baldilocks at June 30, 2007 02:09 PM (/FGBT)

11 I work at the holiday inn directly across the street from the glasgow airport entrance. I saw the whole thing from about 20 yards away as it happened. I dunno what scotty would do, but I very nearly dropped a photon torpedo in my pants.

Posted by: john worfin at June 30, 2007 02:25 PM (w80h0)

12

oh you have THROW down.


 


James Montgomery Doohan was a lieutenant in the 13th Field Regiment, part of the divisional artillery of the 3rd Canadian Infantry Division. This stud shot two snipers at Juno on D-Day.  Got shot six times, one round bouncing off his cigarette case, he trained as a pilot as an artillery observer.  Got his finger shot off and STILL moved the transporter controls.


Stud.


 


 


Posted by: Dave in Texas at June 30, 2007 02:30 PM (FXakj)

13 I think Scotty would link the transporters to the warp engines and try beaming all the Jihadis into outer space?

Posted by: Moby at June 30, 2007 02:33 PM (0yIMO)

14

That episode is "A Taste of Armageddon" and the relevent scene is four minutes in, but start it at 2 min for full effect.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2jNtKMGh6Aw


 


Posted by: Don Carne at June 30, 2007 02:47 PM (2WszO)

15 >>>I'm surprised you don't know this, but Scotty wasn't an officer.  His
rank was the equivalent to a US Navy Master Chief Petty Officer.  His
rank on the show was Chief Engineer.  He was third in command though,
which is odd because Sulu and Chekov were both officers who outranked
him.

I didn't write the post, but you're wrong, as others have pointed out.  I didn't know he was officially second officer (he always seemed that way; he took command when spock and kirk were away, and he had to give the final destruct code for the destruction of the Enterprise, and, based on his code, he was number three on the ship), but it sure seems to me that a chief engineer on a starship would have a high command rank.

I know that the gold-shirts were part of the "command crew," but that doesn't mean the rest of the shirts aren't part of the command heirarchy, necessarily.  Granted, it's a bit confusing, but someone manning the helm may be part of the "command crew" and yet an inferior officer to someone in the scientific corps (spock, mccoy) and in the engineering/security corps (scotty).



Posted by: George Carlin at June 30, 2007 03:00 PM (1UCRY)

16 On Hunt For Red October, the chief engineer was a high-ranking officer.

I just don't see why engineers are assumed to be non-officers or petty or warrant officers.


Posted by: George Carlin at June 30, 2007 03:02 PM (1UCRY)

17 I'm pretty sure Scotty had been reading Keith Laumer's ancient Retief novels, which had taken on the stature of Sun Tzu by that time.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at June 30, 2007 03:02 PM (fdMig)

18 sorry, that's me.

Posted by: ace at June 30, 2007 03:02 PM (1UCRY)

19 In the Star Trek novel "Kobiyashi Maru", Scotty racks up the highest body count ever recorded in the simulation: 17 dead Klingon battlecruisers. "Scott was still convinced he could have taken the last 15, too... if there had really been an engine room, and if he could have run down there to demonstrate what he had been trying to explain...": how to detach one of the warp nacelles and turn it into a giant photon torpedo aimed at the center of the Klingon squadron.

"Never p*ss off an engineer."

"Doctor, when it comes to destructive tendencies, these bairns have nothing on me..."

Posted by: SDN at June 30, 2007 03:18 PM (fXLhU)

20

If Super Spy Larry C. Johnson had been the Enterprise's security officer, the ship would have been taken over by Ferengi in the first episode.


Posted by: Mike at June 30, 2007 03:20 PM (NnpEK)

21 OK, goons, I'm posting this as a more autoritative source than Wiki:

http://www.startrek.com/startrek/view/series/TOS/character/1112502.html

Note the following:

Starfleet Career Summary

TARFLEET HISTORICAL FILE: Scott, Montgomery "Scotty"
Mid-level Biography Brief Mode
Final Rank: Captain
Serial Number: SE-197-54T
Year of birth: 2222
Education: Starfleet Academy, 2240-44
Marital status: Single

2242 -- As ensign still enrolled at Academy, began first starship posting

2264 -- As lieutenant commander, became chief engineer under Capt. James T. Kirk, U.S.S. Enterprise

2269-71 -- Promoted to commander, oversaw refit of Enterprise at Earth2285 -- Promoted to captain, oversaw test of transwarp drive for U.S.S. Excelsior under Capt. Styles

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 03:21 PM (T93tD)

22 I could be wrong, but I believe that in the modern armed forces, engineers are almost always officers wherease NCOs tend to be technicians.  One exception I can think of is enlisted who have many years of experience in technical fields and have earned the equivalent of an engineering degree through that experience.  Of course, I know firsthand of several former enlisted who got degrees and a commission because of their technical expertise.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 30, 2007 03:23 PM (HUjun)

23 Wiki says Scotty was a Lietuannant Commander in the original series, which sounds right.  I think I've heard him called that before.

It's not clear what Spock's rank is on wiki.  In the pitch for the show,  he was a first liutennant, but obviously he's much higher ranking than that on the actual show.

Posted by: ace at June 30, 2007 03:25 PM (1UCRY)

24 by the way, O'Brien from ST:TNG wore the insignia of a First Lieutenant for the first few years of the show, then Worf referred to him as "Chief Petty Officer O'Brien," and apparently they then changed his worn rank to conform to that verbal statement of rank.

From wiki.

it seems tho he was intended to be an officer, too, but an error on a show wound up losing him his commission.

I feel dirty.


Posted by: ace at June 30, 2007 03:28 PM (1UCRY)

25 As pretty much every both else has pointed out, Scott was indeed an officer.  He "retired" with the rank of Captain of Engineering.

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 03:32 PM (F/ysA)

26 Spock was a Commander in the original series, then got promoted to full Captain in charge of the Enterprise in The Wrath of Khan (Kirk was an "desk-jocky" Admiral at that point, a position he loathed).  Spock was, technically, Captain of the Enterprise for the first quarter of the movie before they get the distress call from Carol Marcus, when Spock releases command to Kirk as he's the highest ranking officer on the ship (pointing out that he has no ego to bruise when Kirk says he doesn't want to steal the Enterprise out from under Spock).

Now, excuse me, I have to go surf up some porn.  Like real men do.  Yeah, look at hot lesbians.

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 03:43 PM (F/ysA)

27 yeah, but when the Marriott Corporation bought the Enterprise and turned it into a restaurant, Scotty was the chef.  As such, he outranked Spock, who was a waiter.


Posted by: OregonMuse at June 30, 2007 03:48 PM (X9IHf)

28 Wow, no wonder K-Lo doesn't allow comments in The Corner.

Posted by: Dusty at June 30, 2007 03:54 PM (GJLeQ)

29 Sigh....

"What did you do on Saturday Night, Jack?"

"I debated the rank of Star Fleet Officers. Online. With citations."

"Do you wonder why you still haven't received a Red Eye invitation?"

"No...it's all too clear."

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 03:56 PM (T93tD)

30 In my defense, Suzanne Sena still loves me tho. And Andrew Levy thinks I'm cool. So I have that going for me....

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 03:57 PM (T93tD)

31 yeah, but when the Marriott Corporation bought the Enterprise and turned it into a restaurant, Scotty was the chef.

"Bones!  Save that man!  He's choking!"
"Dammit Jim, I'm a Doctor, not a... oh, yeah, right!"

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 03:57 PM (F/ysA)

32

Hey Jack, am I the only one having trouble with the link to The Book of Scotty? Seems there's an extra "http//" in the code.


 


Nice commentary on Lorraine C. Johnson in the mix too. Very nice. No wonder the CIA is so f8cked up if she/he is an example f their crack staff.


Posted by: joated at June 30, 2007 04:00 PM (eXdIs)

33 Yeah, I screwed up the code. I'll fix it.

Don't get to excited though. It just takes you to a random 'Star Trek" quotes page. I knew Scotty has said that, but I wasnt sure where it was from so I had to look it up.

Posted by: Jack M. at June 30, 2007 04:03 PM (T93tD)

34 it's amazing he lasted so long wearing the Red Shirt of Death

Posted by: Frank G at June 30, 2007 04:06 PM (Ydps9)

35 Wow, are you guys trekkors or trekkies? (he says from his computer on a saturday night).

Posted by: bmac at June 30, 2007 04:25 PM (Nr4dg)

36 Are you implying that we're nerds, bmac?

I don't have to stay here and take that!  I'll be grinding Battlegrounds in WoW instead!

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 04:39 PM (F/ysA)

37

Thanks Dave for the Doohan link. What a man. I knew there must be a reason he never flipped Kirk off (as any Scotsman and any engineer officer surely would have): that finger was missing in action. 


On an ocean-going vessel, the chief engineer is of equal rank with the captain, and often makes more money. The error must be related to a conflation of ship's engineers with sappers, or combat engineers, who are hard boys indeed but (mostly) not officers.


Posted by: comatus at June 30, 2007 04:44 PM (VjNM6)

38 Hell, in all the later series practically everyone was an engineer.  Honestly, how often did the chief engineer solve an engineering problem versus some other member of the command staff?  I seem to remember Janeway being particularly bad about that.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 30, 2007 04:54 PM (HUjun)

39 Nerds is such a demeaning term...let's say coolness impaired, or hip-ly challenged, or Trekkie(er).

Posted by: bmac at June 30, 2007 04:57 PM (Nr4dg)

40 "One exception I can think of is enlisted who have many years of
experience in technical fields and have earned the equivalent of an
engineering degree through that experience. "

That's what "Warrant Officer" (as opposed to commissioned officer) rank was originally intended for: give guys with outstanding technical skills but not necessarily command skills extra pay and prestige.

Posted by: SDN at June 30, 2007 05:26 PM (fXLhU)

41

Thanks, SDN.  It's nice for someone to have your back when you're talkin' out of your ass. 


Also, it goes without saying that you would have to be pretty stupid to go against a Chief.  Anybody with that many stripes has earned respect from anyone in or out of uniform.


Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 30, 2007 06:56 PM (HUjun)

42 Aye.  My brother just made Sergeant First Class (E-7) in the Army, which is the equivalent of Chief Petty Officer.

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 06:59 PM (F/ysA)

43 Then props to your brother, X.  I hope his unit throws him a party he won't soon remember.

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at June 30, 2007 09:08 PM (HUjun)

44 How about you die spammer, and shove Runescape up your ass instead?

Posted by: Xoxotl at June 30, 2007 09:39 PM (F/ysA)

45 Do you ever wonder what kind of moron actually buys crap from spammers?  They wouldn't be doing it if they didn't get a few suckers.  Is it always the same idiots or do these people only get fooled once?

Posted by: OU_Gryphon at July 01, 2007 05:06 AM (HUjun)

46 Well, I do spend a significant portion of my paycheck on penis enlargement pills and viagra.

Posted by: Xoxotl at July 01, 2007 09:04 AM (F/ysA)

47 xoxotl, does the rest of it just go to waste?

Posted by: anonymous at July 01, 2007 05:40 PM (VjNM6)

48 Burn in hell, spammer!  And get heatstroke in a stuffy room, people who buy their crap!

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