June 30, 2006
— LauraW. Better Late Than Never
John Bolton's Moustache has had numerous "host beings" throughout history, including Doc Holliday, Jack the Ripper, and Rosie Perez.
The real reason John Bolton's Moustache had a hard time getting appointed to being the Ambassador to the UN was because of his prolific but little known career in adult movies under the name Bolt Johnson's Moustache.
Feng Shui or fengshui is the ancient Chinese practice of placement and arrangement of space to achieve harmony with JBM.
-Steve in hb
Spurwing Plover was a tenured professor of astrophysics at CalTech until he saw John Bolton's Moustache in his Mercedes' rearview mirror.
Indigenous Amazonian warriors rub their arrow tips on John Bolton's moustache before going hunting.
John Bolton's Mustache started off gray. It turned white after defeating the Balrog.
There are actually Nine Moustaches of Power, but John Bolton's is The One Moustache That Binds Them.
Homeland Security wants air marshalls to carry guns because giving them a piece of John Bolton's mustache is too crazy and dangerous.
John Bolton's moustache took the long jump gold medal in 1968 in Mexico City.
-Dave in Texas
According to noted journalist Larry Flynt, John Bolton forced his wife to perform embarrasing menages a trois with his moustache.
In Mexico, John Bolton's moustache is called "Pelo del Diablo" and a festival is held in its honor each year to keep its wrath from destroying villages and taking lives.
ITS A FACT:
In June of 1939, Dick Cheneys Cock gave John Boltons moustache a Filthy Adolph-- nine months later, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked his way out of Boltons face.
-Amish Moustache ride
"Paradise Lost" isn't really about the fall of Satan from heaven. It's about the time John Bolton shaved his moustache.
Posted by: wiserbud at June 30, 2006 05:59 AM (AQGeh)
Posted by: lauraw at June 30, 2006 06:07 AM (Vz8hp)
Posted by: Evil Chihuahua at June 30, 2006 06:10 AM (mAhn3)
Posted by: KM at June 30, 2006 06:13 AM (SxR3N)
Are you people really going to spend you money on that crap?
Posted by: shawn at June 30, 2006 06:22 AM (yp3GE)
Posted by: Pupster at June 30, 2006 06:23 AM (9h6vV)
Posted by: T. at June 30, 2006 06:30 AM (5YMbd)
Plus, staring at his tights and anatomical codpiece for two hours will make me uncomfortable.
Posted by: adolfo velasquez at June 30, 2006 06:34 AM (Of5en)
Posted by: shawn at June 30, 2006 06:38 AM (yp3GE)
Posted by: Uniball at June 30, 2006 06:43 AM (27iEn)
Posted by: shawn at June 30, 2006 06:44 AM (yp3GE)
Posted by: El Capitan at June 30, 2006 06:45 AM (Rw/yc)
The US missle drop was just a cover to clean up the grisly aftermath.
Posted by: adolfo velasquez at June 30, 2006 06:48 AM (Of5en)
Negotiations broke down when the Russkies wanted the moustache cut into pieces and left in open field so that Soviet satellites could verify. They could not find anything hard enough to cut the moustache, and Dick Cheney refused to assist.
Posted by: Tushar D at June 30, 2006 06:59 AM (h76y6)
Posted by: Anderson Cooper at June 30, 2006 07:02 AM (27iEn)
By the time the first live-action Superman hit the screen — Kirk Alyn, in a 1948 serial — the lessons of World War II, particularly in the gas chambers of Europe, were obvious. That's why Pa Kent tells young Clark he must always use his powers "in the interests of truth, tolerance and justice."
It wasn't until Superman came to television in the 1950's that the phrase became codified in the form most of us remember it: "a never-ending battle for truth, justice and the American way."
Posted by: Roy at June 30, 2006 07:13 AM (2XXia)
Trust the NY Times to print an article downplaying the important of "the American Way" to Superman's essence. Look how proud the author is that the phrase is omitted (making an obligatory right-wing reference):
Some people are now objecting to the fact that "Superman Returns" omits the phrase. Perry White asks his reporters to find out more about the Man of Steel after his five-year absence. "Does he still stand for truth, justice, all that stuff?" he says. Right-wing blogs are already red-faced at the slight.
There's no reason to be upset. Superman is right back where he began: fighting a never-ending battle for truth and justice. That should be enough to occupy any man. Even a Superman.
Posted by: T. at June 30, 2006 07:26 AM (5YMbd)
Posted by: Sortelli at June 30, 2006 07:37 AM (JV5Qt)
Posted by: Uniball at June 30, 2006 07:48 AM (27iEn)
Good news (OK, I'm evil). Rob Schneider has collapsed on the set of his latest movie from food poisonong (a disgruntled moviegoer?) and heat exhaustion.
Please Rob, retire and stop making crappy movies. For your own good, if you know what I mean.
Posted by: jmchez at June 30, 2006 07:55 AM (JY98e)
Silly but priceless.
Posted by: cary at June 30, 2006 08:01 AM (AhCOe)
Posted by: Thingfinger at June 30, 2006 08:57 AM (41Dd+)
Posted by: sylvan at June 30, 2006 09:21 AM (ai+sN)
---Aristotle (or Plato ... one of those guys)
Posted by: bill Spencer at June 30, 2006 09:31 AM (RcbBs)
Posted by: late to the party at June 30, 2006 10:07 AM (NZy2G)
The ropeways that take you up a skiing slope? Inspired from JB's pubes.
Posted by: Tushar D at June 30, 2006 10:16 AM (h76y6)
He doesn't like layers.
Posted by: Tom M at June 30, 2006 12:10 PM (d6bNm)
It just laughs.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at June 30, 2006 03:01 PM (pPXJO)
No, John Bolton's Moustache was pisssed at the pansy little bartender in a French Quarter dive that cut him off.
All it took was one sneeze, man...
Posted by: crankyprof at June 30, 2006 03:31 PM (Pt0Hz)
Posted by: spurwing plover at June 30, 2006 03:54 PM (PAJqa)
Posted by: JD at June 30, 2006 05:43 PM (8RT5r)
Without using a hammer.
Posted by: N. O'Brain at July 01, 2006 06:09 AM (NlS3l)
They want you to believe it was the longbow.
That's what they want you to think.
Posted by: Dave in Texas at July 01, 2006 07:14 AM (3ARBk)
...but none have survived.
Posted by: OregonMuse at July 01, 2006 07:57 AM (jqv3S)
Posted by: spurwing plover at July 01, 2006 08:38 AM (ba9dN)
Posted by OregonMuse at July 1, 2006 12:57 PM"
"I teel ya it's a grrreat, sharrrp pointy mustache"
Posted by: N. O'Brain at July 01, 2006 11:40 AM (NlS3l)
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