June 30, 2005

Funny: Prank Fan Mail to Chris Matthews
— Ace

At least I hope it's a prank. He writes very stalker-ish letters of gushing praise, apparently fixated on Matthews' (admittedly dreamy) golden locks:

DEAR CHRISTOPHER -

I am so happy that you are back safely from your trip to South Africa. I am sure your many viewers missed you, as I did.

I hasten to point out, I was on the verge of contacting Andrew Lack over at NBC and telling him to "fill your shoes" with James Kramer of "America Now.” He, like you, looks like a big, healthy baby with beady little eyes. Too cute!!

While not as dignified and refined as you, James is colorful and fiery in his own right. The nice thing about James is, he doesn't have hair for me to "worry myself to death about."

Anyway, you are back, and your job is secure. Remember me to Andrew the next time you see him. Give him my kindest regards.

Cordially,

EDWARD EUGENE BASKETT

I love these kinds of letters. They're creepy and sneakily menacing, and yet, you can't go to jail for writing them.

Perfect.

Posted by: Ace at 07:30 AM | Comments (15)
Post contains 196 words, total size 1 kb.

1 This reminds me of Seinfeld/Ted Nancy's "Letters From a Nut"...

Posted by: at June 30, 2005 07:39 AM (JXTvv)

2 Don Novella (Guido Sarducci) wrote a lot of these, too. Funny stuff.

Boston Irish wrote one of the funniest letters I've ever read to the Kool-Aid people, complaining he had not yet received his promotional Kool-Aid t-shirt.

Posted by: ace at June 30, 2005 08:09 AM (sYxc4)

3 After hearing Chris Matthews gush on tape upon seeing Clinton post surgery, he's in no position to accuse others of stalking.

p.s. This guy is for real. He wrote an entire book about being popped for soliciting a cop back in 1971.

Posted by: at June 30, 2005 08:20 AM (Q7tmB)

4 I don't know what color of hair you have, Ace...or how soft and silky it might feel gently sliding between my fingers...but when I listen to your radio voice I just know you sure do have a purty mouth.

Posted by: Gaylord Ravenal at June 30, 2005 08:26 AM (qVW/J)

5 Unless this is a prank website run by Michelle Malkin or Zen Miller, weird does not begin to describe it.

Posted by: Dman at June 30, 2005 08:36 AM (m2CN7)

6 I'm telling you, the guy is for real. Read a couple of pages from his book he posted online.

Posted by: at June 30, 2005 08:37 AM (Q7tmB)

7 I haven't read this post but they're all pernicious little ferrets.

Posted by: 72 Card Monte at June 30, 2005 09:03 AM (dhRpo)

8 Reminds me of Jack Handy,

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says "You." After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at June 30, 2005 09:55 AM (pzen5)

9 Ace.... Ace... My offer to give you hand release 'cause you're so cool is still open. I'm not gay, but, dude, you rock. How could I not? Just hit me on the cell. I got the nivea ready... Smooches!

Posted by: McGurk at June 30, 2005 06:16 PM (qwPMa)

10

I guess the show isn't called "Hardball" for nothing.

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