September 30, 2005

Friday Haiku Flame War
— Ace

Been a while.

A Rustling in Dave's Pants

Powers Boothe's got
a lot of hate in him. I wish he'd put
some of that hate... in me.

Posted by: Ace at 12:07 PM | Comments (188)
Post contains 35 words, total size 1 kb.

1 Moaning ecstasy
Powers slips Dave the shocker
Finds Aces class ring

Posted by: compos mentis at September 30, 2005 12:37 PM (xHpUK)

2 This is not the way
I want Ace to notice me
Boothe and I are secret

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at September 30, 2005 12:41 PM (y1hCN)

3 Fuck, I can't even do a haiku right. Loose shit.

I'm going to go swallow some Drano-o.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at September 30, 2005 12:42 PM (y1hCN)

4 Fuck, I can't even do a haiku right. Loose shit.

I'm going to go swallow some Drano-o.


Try this:

Fuck, I can't even
Do a haiku right. Loose shit.
Off to eat Drano.

Posted by: Anachronda at September 30, 2005 12:46 PM (/c74s)

5 "Trick or treat David"
Vasoline and ass matter
Ace dressed like Powers

Posted by: compos mentis at September 30, 2005 12:46 PM (xHpUK)

6 Japanese hooker

Ooh, me so horny
Is that your anachronda?
more rike piece o' rice

Posted by: compos mentis at September 30, 2005 12:55 PM (xHpUK)

7 lauraw washed her dog,
she scrubbed, she scrubbed, she scrubbed eight
times to clean that mutt

Posted by: Dave in Texas at September 30, 2005 01:02 PM (pzen5)

8 I am going to puke.
This stupid haiku crap sucks.
Dave and Ace match wits.


I'll run away and lurk now. Forgive me!!!

Posted by: Maranna at September 30, 2005 01:12 PM (3+4cs)

9 Can't handle the truth?
So vote for a Democrat.
Works for all the trolls.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at September 30, 2005 01:32 PM (ipjUv)

10 "Moaning ecstasy
Powers slips Dave the shocker
Finds Aces class ring"

lol! lol! compos hits one out of the park in the first at-bat!

Posted by: BrewFan at September 30, 2005 01:37 PM (EzjjU)

11 Autumn rain falls soft
Like the tears of a poet
Reading lame haikus.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 01:41 PM (EHzws)

12 ace dreams of the day
that he get's a chance to make
dave squeal like a pig

Posted by: midaz at September 30, 2005 01:48 PM (pBS7H)

Posted by: Purple Avenger at September 30, 2005 01:51 PM (X+OCl)

14 The Latter

Sweet PETA tushy
Inflated scrotum hippy
Who does Michael like?

Posted by: BrewFan at September 30, 2005 01:52 PM (EzjjU)

15 Suddenly I feel
Erect with forbidden joy;
A haiku flame thread!

Ok, that was lame,
But not as bad as sirens
Drowning out The Black Flag.

Posted by: Dogstar at September 30, 2005 01:56 PM (KgeNY)

16 Pussy Dave from the
Pussy garfield pussy ridge
Wan'ts to make ace squeal


Too bad about your nationals dave, ya loser
Braves go all the way

Posted by: at September 30, 2005 01:57 PM (pBS7H)

17 The haikus on this
Thread stink worse than George Clooney's
Cock in Ace's dream.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 02:06 PM (EHzws)

18 .500

Speaking of baseball
The Brewers will end the streak
and finish above

So BrewFan cries out
"Bratwurst for Everybody!"
and chugs a cold one

Posted by: BrewFan at September 30, 2005 02:06 PM (EzjjU)

19 Ace loves George Clooney
Wants to get experience
for Logo screenplay

Posted by: BrewFan at September 30, 2005 02:12 PM (EzjjU)

20 Ace and George, Dave and
Powers recite vows; Sully
Gives the "brides" away.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 02:25 PM (EHzws)

21 Harry Callihan
Shoots .44 bullets from
His cock. There's your load.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 02:43 PM (lpbk9)

22 If Words Were Notes

Like the King said to
Mozart, Dr. Reo Symes
Should cut a few notes.


Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 02:58 PM (lpbk9)

23 Ace gets to talk to
The coolest people in news.
That motherfucker.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 03:02 PM (lpbk9)

24 My Bennett, Oh Bennett

Bill Bennett needs to
Lay off the booze before he
Opens his yapper.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 03:05 PM (lpbk9)

25 A Port-A-John stands
Baked in the afternoon sun
Reeking of compos

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:08 PM (pRtzm)

26 Poor pussy-whipped man
Heart yearning for a spud gun
Married to Laura

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:10 PM (pRtzm)

27 My Favorite Haiku

I'd like to see a
Reprise of LauraW's Die Die
Motherfucker Die

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 03:10 PM (lpbk9)

28 Proud ample hooters
Adorn the chest of bbeck
While BrewFan slobbers

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:13 PM (pRtzm)

29 Dogstar calculates
The future of bond markets
While stroking himself

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:16 PM (pRtzm)

30 Michael Has a Point

Oh, yeah, BBecks boobs.
They were so angry when they
Lunged from Ace's shirt.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 03:20 PM (lpbk9)

31 Lipstick is bowling
Trying to ignore the fact
She's wearing men's shoes

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:23 PM (pRtzm)

32 The breeze gently brings
Soft, low sobs from Michael's room.
"Cedarford is gone!"

Posted by: Dogstar at September 30, 2005 03:29 PM (KgeNY)

33 Dave in Texas says
He's mastered the kung fu grip
Sure, on his own joint

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:40 PM (pRtzm)

34 Dave at Garfield Ridge
Renovates the whole bathroom
Still can't get pussy

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 03:42 PM (pRtzm)

35 President Affleck

Mark my words about
Affleck, you "mancrush" spouting
Shit-for-brains assholes


Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 04:03 PM (lpbk9)

36 C.F. is gone but
Don't cry, Michael; Robert Byrd's
A gentle lover.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 04:04 PM (EHzws)

37 It's a martini
Not a fucking candy drink
Try some gin, pussy

Posted by: rho at September 30, 2005 04:10 PM (c6bJU)

38 The Fairer Sex

Oh, thy Friday night
Spent writing love haikus by
Geeks without a date.


Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 04:17 PM (lpbk9)

39 Explode My Computer

What would happen if
I entered the word "pussy"
In a Google search?

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 04:27 PM (lpbk9)

40 "I hope so"

IS HE A REAL TROLL?
THIS" DEAL WITH REALITY"
WITH SPIT ON HIS SCREEN

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at September 30, 2005 04:33 PM (ipjUv)

41 Them Jealous Teeny-Blogger Blues

Ace, you dirty whore.
I wish that I had even
A tenth your traffic.

Posted by: Jimmie at September 30, 2005 04:49 PM (GDgGM)

42 Far from pussy whipped
Heart yearns not for said spud gun
Laura's much more fun

Posted by: scott at September 30, 2005 04:50 PM (M7kiy)

43 Dave has Powers Boothe
Ace has squealing Ned Beatty
Lots of loose man-love.

Posted by: Jimmie at September 30, 2005 04:53 PM (GDgGM)

44 And she'll be home soon
to completely flame your ass
you freakin' cartoon

Posted by: scott at September 30, 2005 04:53 PM (M7kiy)

45 I'm not lonely, dick
My wife is out of town now
Oh God, I'm helpless.

Posted by: rho at September 30, 2005 05:08 PM (c6bJU)

46 Reading these haikus
Makes me think you all yearn for
Goatse (dot) cx

Posted by: Jason at September 30, 2005 05:18 PM (o47qQ)

47 Scott the spud-gunless
Tries to assert his manhood
Threatens his wife's flames

Posted by: michael at September 30, 2005 05:26 PM (pRtzm)

48 Mangina Wails Plaintively in Lonely Room

Michael openly
yearns for scott's (s)pud gun
such a jealous bitch

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2005 05:34 PM (M7kiy)

49 Aftermath of Desire

Michael's spud cannon
was surgically removed from
his smoking rectum

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2005 05:39 PM (M7kiy)

50 rd has no crush
On Afflek. Nope, he's in love
With Veep Matt Damon.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 05:39 PM (EHzws)

51 You know, rdbrewer, somebody asked me for that 'die die' haiku like a year ago. I think that was from Ace's very first haiku thread?? What was that, two years or more ago?
Too bad I never saved it, I'd like to see it again. Seems to have made an impression.

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2005 05:53 PM (M7kiy)

52 is it just me or
Does Michael really love that
"gagging" fantasy?

Posted by: Dave in Texas at September 30, 2005 05:54 PM (uV+6C)

53 LauraW
Must have spud guns on her mind
Or maybe her tonsils.

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at September 30, 2005 06:16 PM (oCJ1y)

54 I am a spud gun
and Nancy, its a nice one
feeling lucky punk?

Posted by: scott at September 30, 2005 06:20 PM (M7kiy)

55 Baseball Lament

God Damn I hate Wedge
He left pitcher in too long
White Sox win, Kill me.

Posted by: scootran at September 30, 2005 06:23 PM (cq5ya)

56 Dave has a real job,
gets his posts right the first time...
Ace still gets more hits

Ace secretly thinks
Garfield Ridge should be his bitch,
wishes Dave had tits

Ace is like Allah
Less smart, less funny, but not
a fucking quitter

Friday night thinking
of new ways to insult Ace
Oh God, I need help

Posted by: at September 30, 2005 06:25 PM (de3lv)

57 Bbeck Doesn't Come Here Anymore

Tried to taunt her out-
she must have just ignored me.
(she hates other girls)

Her posts were witty
and her arguments concise.
(her boobs won the day)

come back to the geeks
this is the place you belong
they miss your, uh, face

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2005 06:34 PM (M7kiy)

58 Laura calls bbeck
Beckoning, "Please come hither."
... Must ... stop ... touching ... self ...

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at September 30, 2005 06:46 PM (oCJ1y)

59 Some real f'ing smartasses on this site.

You assholes are all right.

Posted by: Dave at Garfield Ridge at September 30, 2005 06:48 PM (kc9zT)

60 What Do These Things Have In Common?

Michael, Dave and Ace
plus, mice and a BB gun?
Hint: think round and small.

Posted by: Dogstar at September 30, 2005 06:52 PM (KgeNY)

61 It's all in the wrist.
I can jerk into your eye.
Run from me, coward.

Posted by: rho at September 30, 2005 06:56 PM (c6bJU)

62 Student Council President

King of College Geeks
But still never touched a bra
Dave at Garfield Ridge

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at September 30, 2005 07:06 PM (oCJ1y)

63 Comish sadly flails
trying to get attention
just go to bed, dude

Posted by: lauraw at September 30, 2005 07:16 PM (M7kiy)

64 Poorly written haiku tribute to James Brown:

Like a sex machine.
Movin’. . .doin’ it, you know?
Yes, James, I do know.

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at September 30, 2005 07:18 PM (RnIAu)

65 Adolfo, what the
fuck? You don't post a tribute
in a flame war thread.

Instead, write something
calling James Brown a douche for
beating up his wife.

Posted by: Sean M. at September 30, 2005 07:25 PM (EHzws)

66 lauraw:

Sending me to bed:
Order or invitation?
Dirty, dirty girl

Posted by: The Comish (sic) at September 30, 2005 07:31 PM (oCJ1y)

67 Poorly written haiku flame of James Brown:

I’ll get that bi-atch.
I don’t know karate, but
I know ca-razy!

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at September 30, 2005 07:31 PM (RnIAu)

68 Much better.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at September 30, 2005 07:34 PM (ipjUv)

69 lauraw:

angry frigid bitch
or is she misunderstood?
once was a larry?

Posted by: doc at September 30, 2005 07:36 PM (M025i)

70 So, I've been absent for awhile, because I went to the midnight shift of a prayer vigil at my church. Imagine me on knees trying to think of who to pray for. I've got to kill a half hour to get to midnight.

I worked my way through family and friends, then folks I know from church and work.

I've still got 15 minutes to go. So, I prayed for Scott and Laura, and Brewfan, Lipstick, Ace, Dogstar, Dave in Texas, Dave at Garfield Ridge, bbeck, digitalbrownshirt . . .

The vigil leader (who was the only person there besides me and Mrs. Michael) actually had to interrupt me at midnight for the closing prayer.

So, at the moment I'm just not in the mood for any more flame haikus.

Good night, and God bless you.

Posted by: Michael at September 30, 2005 07:46 PM (pRtzm)

71 Thanks for thinking of me Michael.

I'll resist the urge to mock you for caring about other people.

Posted by: digitalbrownshirt at September 30, 2005 07:57 PM (ipjUv)

72 One last effort:

Bennett steps in poo;
whiny Dems go crazy. The
race pimps can suck it.

Posted by: adolfo velasquez at September 30, 2005 07:59 PM (RnIAu)

73 God-damnit people,
Enough of the stinky pink,
I want more boobies.

Posted by: cheshirecat at September 30, 2005 08:19 PM (Gdtyf)

74 Or else, a photo
of DEAL WITH REALITY
Drinking monkey piss.

Posted by: cheshirecat at September 30, 2005 08:21 PM (Gdtyf)

75 Laura, Googling for it was easy. I searched "lauraw die die die die." From the archives, folks, a classic, and my favorite haiku. Turns out it's a triptych.


Get on Your Flying Carpet and Ride

Fly on, Jihadis
Climb ever into the sky
And meet the Maker.

Heed the advice of
Golden Throated Osama
And die for Allah

Die die die die die
Die Fucking Die You Die Now
Motherfucker Die.

Posted by: rdbrewer at September 30, 2005 09:03 PM (lpbk9)

76 Once again I'm late
No one will read what I write
Outcast among geeks.

Posted by: Knemon at September 30, 2005 10:27 PM (QaHR7)

77 Fear not, lame Knemon
I witness your sad efforts
Should have gone to bed

Posted by: geoff at September 30, 2005 10:35 PM (pSxN9)

78 Holy crap, that was from only a year ago??

I really have no memory for time.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 04:29 AM (Lt6Tu)

79 I know what you mean. I have no memory for sage.

Posted by: Dogstar at October 01, 2005 05:07 AM (KgeNY)

80 GROAANNN

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 05:25 AM (Lt6Tu)

81 And I have no memory for Parsly, although Rosemary gives a good blow job.

Anyway, LauraW once wrote a poem entitled either "The West" or "America". If I can find it, I'll post it for you.

It's a classic.

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 05:42 AM (6krEN)

82 LOL LOL LOL

Did you save that before you deleted your blog, or can we all now recite it from memory because you left it on top for three weeks?

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:26 AM (Lt6Tu)

83 *yawn*
Gee I'm tired this morning...one might say, 'slumberous,' if one were a faggy girl.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:27 AM (Lt6Tu)

84 Huh...*scratches head*

Seems on THIS blog, I have magical powers.
Like the power to be nice to myself.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:37 AM (Lt6Tu)

85 Lauraw, you're being too sexy.

And how nice are you
Being to yourself right now?
Very, very nice?

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 01, 2005 06:41 AM (lpbk9)

86 Sorry Jack. That was soo rude.

If you post it again (the most horrible poem ever written by a drunken sap late at night) I will bear the flames.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:44 AM (Lt6Tu)

87 YOU DELETED MY POST! All I did was put your poem up for the world to see.

Don't be ashamed of your work, LauraW.

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 06:46 AM (6krEN)

88 I know, it was so fun I couldn't resist.
I'm sorry.

Throw it back up there and let people punch me in the kidneys then you sadistic piggy.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:50 AM (Lt6Tu)

89 This was the poem that LauraW wrote, in all its glory.

"The West" by LauraW

I was in my garden this morning
when I saw some weeds
and thought, "Not me!".
Better to leave them slumberous beneath
winters snow
risking, perchance, some spring awakening!

Note the expressive use of the exclamation point after "awakening". It's so artsy!

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 06:50 AM (6krEN)

90 naaw thats not it

I think it was 'saw a garden overrun with weeds'
and

'All Spring and Summer weeded and plucked'

and

'but in the slumberous warmth they got ahead of me'

Or some silly shit

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:52 AM (Lt6Tu)

91 'chancing some Spring awakening!'

I think, ws the literary shit-gem at the end there.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:54 AM (Lt6Tu)

92 A punctuational dingle-berry, if you will.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:55 AM (Lt6Tu)

93 I'm trying to reconstruct it from memory. What I put is pretty damn close, but you might be right. So let me edit it with your revisions:

"The West" by LauraW

I saw a garden overrun with weeds
And I thought "Not Me."
All Spring and Summer weeded and plucked
but in the slumberous warmth they got ahead of me
better to leave them beneath winters snow
risking, perchance, some spring awakening!

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 06:56 AM (6krEN)

94 wait, wait

'have I the will, in this heat?
Oh, let them ...blah blah something about sleeping with me under the snow...
Chancing some Spring Awakening!

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 06:59 AM (Lt6Tu)

95 Where are skinbad or KCTrio when you need them? I bet they have the damn thing memorized.

Regardless, we've managed to make a fake but accurate reconstruction of events. So, as far as the MSM is concerned, your poem stands as currently written.

After all, I got it from an unimpeachable source.

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 07:02 AM (6krEN)

96 KCTrio probably has it needlepointed on a pillow.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 07:06 AM (Lt6Tu)

97 JackM, such a jerk
I asked him for a favor
Instead he mocked me

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 07:09 AM (Lt6Tu)

98 LOL...I heard he used to recite it over and over as he made his special "LauraW Original Recipe" bread.

You know, you and I (and Skinbad) are the only people in this thread who will get the above joke. The Blogtower's legacy lives on!

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 07:10 AM (6krEN)

99 L-Dubs favor came
with strings on; sex while she
recites her poems.

Posted by: Jack M. at October 01, 2005 07:14 AM (6krEN)

100 Ah, yes, his huge throbbing loaves that he ecstatically kneaded into a bubbling yeasty mass. Don't get me started.

Posted by: lauraw at October 01, 2005 07:14 AM (Lt6Tu)

101 A punctuational dingle-berry, if you will.

LMAO. It's just a waste of time to mock you when you're going to top us anyway.

Posted by: Michael at October 01, 2005 12:14 PM (pRtzm)

102 traffic non santa
links three times to jeff goldstein
ace must really suck.

Posted by: steve at October 01, 2005 05:52 PM (alWdG)

103 We had a party
At home last night, ya losers.
You should have been here.

The party started
In the afternoon when we
Went to a movie

And, other than a
Small plot point that pi$$ed me off,
“Serenity” ROCKS.

Our group then drove to
Our house for fighting and a
Little revelry.

I was up all night
Making Tex-Mex for twenty
Which got devoured.

The menu had some
Beef tacos with all the works,
Cheese enchiladas,

Handmade tortillas,
The world’s best guacamole
(Suck it, Texas Dave),

Spanish Rice and beans,
Crock pots of buffalo wings
And meaty queso.

For dessert there was
A cheesecake made from scratch with
Raspberry liquer.

But before dinner
We spent hours sword fighting
In our large back yard.

It is lots o’ fun
Watching men in armor sweat
and scare the neighbors.

And after dinner
We all got roaringly drunk
And that is fun, too.

It was like college
Except guests brought their OWN beer
And no one threw up.

So, flame wars are fun
But I had more important
Geekery scheduled.

I’ll be here next time
For one of you tough guys to
Hit me with your purse.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 02, 2005 02:05 PM (qF8q3)

104 Holy crap! A haiku epic from bbeck! We are not worthy! [bowing down]

Posted by: BrewFan at October 02, 2005 03:11 PM (EzjjU)

105 LOL@Brew. I accept your worship with as much modesty as someone getting worshipped can manage.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 02, 2005 04:00 PM (qF8q3)

106 Late to the party,
I came without grape Kool-Aid.
And lived to tell it.

Posted by: at October 02, 2005 04:38 PM (VLfHY)

107 Red Sox suck big time
White Sox will beat their asses
Bart will laugh long time

Poor poor Tom Brady
Interceptions and fumbles
Coach Bill not happy

Posted by: Bart at October 02, 2005 05:37 PM (OVbis)

108 Ace pretends to be
More than one poster here
Faking popularity

Posted by: Bart at October 02, 2005 05:43 PM (OVbis)

109 Congrats on the new house, Slub. I'm sure the place will look great by the time Slub Jr. arrives.

Posted by: Michael at October 02, 2005 06:05 PM (pRtzm)

110 Especially if this is the first kid, be prepared for your wife to go insane when the nesting instinct kicks in and she starts working around the clock to get the house ready. This isn't all bad. I just kept a low profile and let Mrs. Michael do all the work. The place was all ready in plenty of time.

Posted by: Michael at October 02, 2005 07:13 PM (pRtzm)

111 Bbeck, that was beautiful! Brought a tear to my eye. That part about te queso and the buffalo wings. Sniff. And the beer and the tacos. Sob. Kinda gets you right here [record reflects rdbrewer pointed at belly]. And it sounded like a hell of a lot of fun. I wanna fight. What should I do, take kabuki sword lessons or something?


Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 07:48 PM (lpbk9)

112 I will give my new house lecture now.

If it is a "new" house you (in theory) should have electric that "meets code". This doesn't mean its "good", just that it meets code. "Meeting code" is like passing a test with a D-

If it is a used house and was built prior to 2002 it will most likely lack a number of ELECTRICAL SAFETY things (unless I or some very caring methodical electrician went over it with a fine tooth comb)

To keep this brief, here's the high points of the lecture.

Anything built prior to the mid 1970's may/probably lacks GFCI protections in a number of important areas. GFCI's help prevent electrocutions. The latest code requires them for kitchen, bathroom, garage, outdoor recepticals, hot tub/pool circuits. GFCI's can save your life - they are cheaper than the cheapest funeral. Test them periodically to make sure they still work - nearby lightning strikes often waste them.

Putting GFCI protection in a child's room is cheap insurance against tragedy. The electric code does not require GFCI in bedrooms. Unless someone like me wired the place you won't have it.

Make sure there is working GFCI protection on outside recepticals. These tend to be used for plugging in all sorts of flaky tools and christmas lights. Every year several houses burn down due to bogus christmas lights and people are electrocuted using electric yard tools. GFCI can prevent this.

In tha past few years a new circuit breaker technology has come along - the AFCI. AFCI breakers have an embedded microprocessor that tries to examine the signature of the power being drawn and detect situations where an electrical fire might be trying to start - damaged/decayed wire in walls, recepticals gone bad, frayed cords, etc. A lot of electricians complain about them saying the bennefit doesn't justify the cost. IMO they're cheap insurance. I've seen them work and detect something bad and trip. ~$30/each for a single pole 15/20 amp one.

Cutler Hammer makes a combo breaker that combines GFCI and AFCI into one breaker. If you place has a CH panel consider them.

If the place has a Federal Pacific electric panel get it swapped out ASAP - they are evil. The design is lame and the breakers often don't work. They start fires.

If the place has a Zinsco panel get it swapped out ASAP. The Zinsco breakers used an internal grease that congeals over time that can prevent them from tripping. The Zinsco breaker design only trips thermally and doesn't have a magnetic trip like all the modern breakers do.

ITE Bulldog panels are somewhat OK, but they're still a thermal trip and don't do magnetic. Btrakers are grusomely expensive compared to modern ones.

Wadsworth panels are also kind of OK, but again its an old thermal trip only design. Solidly built with no particular mechanical problems. I've kept Wadsworth's in place and didn't feel bad about it. AFCI/GFCI can be added via subpanel. Wadsworth breakers are brutally expensive.

If a house is early 60's or older it probably has an edison fuse box. Some insurance companies are balking about insuring places with fuses. Fuses WORK and are fairly safe when not overfused. Like the Wadsworth/Bulldog/Zinsco, GFCI/AFCI could be added to a sound fusebox using a subpanel. I usually don't keep a fusebox in place - the temptation for the homeowner to overfuse is too great. I've pulled many 30A fuses off 15A circuits.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 08:09 PM (X+OCl)

113 I forgot to mention aluminum wiring. If the place has aluminum wiring consider getting it all replaced. The aluminim stuff is in mid-60's to early 70's houses.

There are ways to deal with it and keep it in place, but the best thing is to ditch it.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 08:16 PM (X+OCl)

114 Purple Avenger
What the fuck? Get a blog, you
Home repair nitwit

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 08:48 PM (lpbk9)

115 Purple Avenger
What the fuck? Get a blog, you
Home repair nitwit


I hope you electrocute your ignorant ass or burn your house down. I won't shed a tear. You'll deserve it.

This is deadly serious shit that nobody ever tells new homeowners about.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 08:55 PM (X+OCl)

116 Oh, and suck my dick too...

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 08:57 PM (X+OCl)

117 Purple, try The Perfect World. There's a folder on all types of domestic issues. You'd get some good feedback there. I doubt you will in the flame thread, clodhopper.


Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 08:59 PM (lpbk9)

118 Purple Avenger
Go fight evil on aisle
Ten at Home Depot

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:02 PM (lpbk9)

119 Purple, hoping for
Actual flames is not the
Point of this flame thread

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:06 PM (lpbk9)

120 I doubt you will in the flame thread, clodhopper.

Reminds of the slam from Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday: ". . . you red-assed, clap-ridden squaw hopper!"

and later (referring to some prostitutes): "they ain't nothin' but nickel-a-ride mattress bags."

Posted by: geoff at October 02, 2005 09:14 PM (pSxN9)

121 Purple Avenger
Has a wad of hate in him
Who is Powers Boothe?

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:16 PM (lpbk9)

122

What "value add" are YOU providing here? Bullshit != value.

I mentioned a number of things that can directly save someone's life. You have offered what?

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 09:16 PM (X+OCl)

123 Powers Booth doesn't
Even vomit that much hate
Electrocution

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:21 PM (lpbk9)

124 Yes, Mr. Rdbrewer. A fair question. How many lives have you saved recently on this blog? Scant few, I'd wager. Scant few.

How many more must die I wonder?

Posted by: Disinterested bystander at October 02, 2005 09:24 PM (kUNrb)

125 Purple, I saw a
Band of orcs traveling on
Foot to Avalon

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:26 PM (lpbk9)

126 Oh great, screw the safety tips. Why not another poem?

You have blood on your hands Mr. RdBrewer. How do you sleep at night?

Posted by: Disinterested at October 02, 2005 09:29 PM (kUNrb)

127 Cautions given
Some care not
Tragedy stalks

Child life bright
Darkness lurks
Strike is quick

Mother cry
safety $12
did not buy

Posted by: at October 02, 2005 09:32 PM (X+OCl)

128 Die die die die die
Die Fucking Die You Die Now
Motherfucker Die.


Oh, no! It slipped.
My callous disregard for
Humanity shows

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 09:34 PM (lpbk9)

129 Safety first? Ha Ha!
Safety last, laughs Rdbrewer!
Let them eat Haiku

Posted by: Disinterested at October 02, 2005 09:41 PM (kUNrb)

130 Purple Avenger
You are certainly welcome
At The Perfect World

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 02, 2005 10:05 PM (lpbk9)

131 Purple Avenger
You are certainly welcome
At The Perfect World


I'm not interested in perfection - that is for utopian idiots.

I'm interested in not dying due to flawed/ancient technology in the field that kills people every day.

You trust too much. Most people do. Sometimes that misplaced trust kills them.

Q: Would you knowingly drive your family around every day in a 60 year old car lacking air bags, dual master cylinder, ABS, seat belts, side door beams, inferior compound tires, inferior brakes, etc?

If you wouldn't, why would you do the same thing with a house?

I have yet to walk into a house - brand new or older - that didn't have at least one electrical problem that could kill someone or burn the place down.

ex. My lawyer bought a new house back in 1999 - it came equipped with an egregious problem that made the metal shell of the light in his daughter's bedroom and the screws holding the switch cover on electrically hot. That problem had been there since it was built. It all "passed inspection" and he got his CO. There were 50+ code violations in my own place when it was bought new. 3 potentially fatal. It too "passed inspection".

Sleep tight. What you don't know CAN kill you.

There's a heck of an essay to be written here about the assumptions the average person makes every day that aren't necessarily valid.

ex. EVERYONE who tailgates makes an implicit subconcious assumption their brakes will work. This is a bogus assumption of course. There's dozens of possible reasons why they might not.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 02, 2005 11:23 PM (X+OCl)

132 What should I do, take kabuki sword lessons or something?

Heh, only if you want to get your azz kicked.

There are many ways
To protect your child from plugs.
That is good advice.

GFCI plugs
Cost WAY more than standard plugs.
Use them in wet zones.

Aluminum sucks
For wiring in your houses?
No, shut up, really?

How many of you
Just took electrical notes?
Er, I don't think so.

This is a FLAME THREAD
Which ain't the place for "safety."
Lighten the f*** up.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 04:15 AM (qF8q3)

133 PA - thanks for the tip. The house is about 100 years old and has been re-wired since the old knob and tube days.

We've already installed some GFCI in the place, and plan to do a LOT more wiring work in the next few months.

Frickin' electricity.

Posted by: Slublog at October 03, 2005 05:45 AM (V7NgR)

134 bbeck tells us she
has a life, not like losers
that don't play with swords

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 06:29 AM (pzen5)

135 Ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Ha ha ha ha ha

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 03, 2005 06:41 AM (m6OTa)

136 Thread is four days old
Still we keep checking for more
A bunch of morons

Posted by: Michael at October 03, 2005 06:59 AM (ycKg/)

137 Playing with our swords
Is much more productive than
Playing with yourself.

Dave in Texas,
In bed with a bowl of guac,
Just doesn't know this.



Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 07:11 AM (qF8q3)

138 *Dave, DOWN in Texas...

Man, I hate not having an edit button.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 07:12 AM (qF8q3)

139 The AoS Lifestyle:

He has white smile
Since the enamel dissolved.
Damn you, Val-U-Rite.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 08:39 AM (gjy1/)

140 I left out the "a"
In the Ace haiku's first line.
Way too much loose shit.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 09:15 AM (gjy1/)

141 Dave writes of bbeck
And swords. She: goo in his bed.
They protest too much.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 09:34 AM (gjy1/)

142 alternating current

electricity
is invisible and it
can ruin your whole day

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 10:19 AM (pzen5)

143 alternating current
is a primary cause of
altercating comments

Posted by: geoff at October 03, 2005 10:31 AM (pSxN9)

144 Purple Avenger's
Superpower must be his
"Utility" belt.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 11:12 AM (gjy1/)

145 The Agent sees it;
I dream of Dave in Texas
And avocados.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 11:43 AM (qF8q3)

146 more guacamole
if you know what I mean and
I think that you do

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 12:00 PM (pzen5)

147 Dave gets attention
In medievalist dreaming.
Is it the short sword?

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 12:12 PM (gjy1/)

148 Short swords were Roman
I think, we could ask bbeck,
if we gave a damn

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 12:15 PM (pzen5)

149 A roamin' short sword
Makes two strikes against a guy
In most women's view.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 12:37 PM (gjy1/)

150 The guac was tasty
But, despite what you told me,
That's NOT sour cream.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 01:05 PM (qF8q3)

151 Too much interest
and too many good Haikus
to kill it just yet

The thread killah
has to be very patient
and time it just right

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 01:29 PM (W2J10)

152 Oh, and sorry about your dick.

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 01:30 PM (W2J10)

153 integrity

yes, I lied about
the secret ingredient,
been known to do that

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 01:38 PM (pzen5)

154 PA - thanks for the tip. The house is about 100 years old and has been re-wired since the old knob and tube days.

That could be good or bad depending on when it was done and the materiels used.

The early cloth sheathed NM/Romex type cable was pretty wretched stuff. Eventually it falls apart and the sheath is succeptable to being slow-motion sawed apart by rusty staples. I own a building that almost burned down due to this crap and a rusty staple. Various forms of NM cable have been in use since the 1920's - some with ground, some lacking ground (K&T doesn't have a ground either).

If you describe the kind of stuff it was rewired with I can tell you if its any good or not.

Posted by: Purple Avenger at October 03, 2005 01:46 PM (X+OCl)

155 Very naughty Dave
Just gave the guacamole
Taste a certain wang.

Okay, I need to
Stop pursuing this or I'll
Never touch the stuff.

Later,
bbeck

Posted by: bbeck at October 03, 2005 01:52 PM (qF8q3)

156 really.. I'm thinking Italian instead of Tex Mex tonight.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 03:15 PM (2eiU6)

157 Taste a certain wang.

No, really, any wang will do, bbbeck

Posted by: Bart at October 03, 2005 03:41 PM (BVvRj)

158 I'm with Dave, had some lasagna for dinner tonight.

Soft luscious pillows
Firm and pale in the moonlight
We worship bbeck

Posted by: Michael at October 03, 2005 04:13 PM (pRtzm)

159 YOU FUCKING WHORE-MAN

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:19 PM (M7kiy)

160 I was drunk and it was late, OK?

>sobbing<

OH THE HUMANATEE

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:20 PM (M7kiy)

161 Oh my God.

Posted by: Dr. Reo Symes at October 03, 2005 05:23 PM (kUNrb)

162 skinbad was my friend
my western correspondent
but he betrayed me

It doesn't matter
he still gives his tips to Ace
cuz I'm a nothing

GUILT GUILTY GUILT GUILT
GUILTY GUILTY GUILT GUILT GUILT
GUILTY (WEEP!) GUILT GUILT

Just kidding, of course. I love you man. Even though you're a FUCKING JONAH

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:25 PM (M7kiy)

163 Nooooooooooo!!!

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:26 PM (M7kiy)

164 Seriously skinbad, LOL

Did you actually save that??
You are more evil than even Jack M., and that's saying something.

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:28 PM (M7kiy)

165 Sounds erotic.
Brings to mind a woman contemplating the trimming of a certain area of her body.

Posted by: Bart at October 03, 2005 05:37 PM (oDCN9)

166 Oh fucking SHIT

Am I gonna have to blog a bitch? Am I?

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 05:52 PM (M7kiy)

167 Take it easy. Let's be calm.





Was I close?

Posted by: Bart at October 03, 2005 06:00 PM (oDCN9)

168 Its done. Check the top post.

*sigh*

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 06:04 PM (M7kiy)

169 The Muse:

Laura "scrubbed the dog"
Then "weeded her garden" some.
What's up with that shit?

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 06:19 PM (fuAB3)

170 Well,
These are scenes from daily life.

Its all I got mangs

Posted by: lauraw at October 03, 2005 06:37 PM (M7kiy)

171 I would have called it weed-eater

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 03, 2005 06:57 PM (IFMHA)

172 The Harvest:

I once had a dog
And a garden to tend to.
Prenups rule. Trust me.

Posted by: VRWC Agent at October 03, 2005 07:02 PM (fuAB3)

173 Oh, and sorry about your dick.
Pssst. Laura said "dick." But Laura says dick quite a lot if you know where to look . . .

Saw a garden, overrun with weeds.
I said, not me.
Through Spring I smothered and plucked them.
In Summer my garden was blooming brilliant.
But in the slumberous warmth the weeds got ahead of me.
Have I got the will, in this heat?
Oh, let them go to seed
And sleep with me under the snow
Chancing some Spring awakening!
This gem is not about trimming bush. Neither is it about the seasons of a human life or even sex. It's about YARD WORK, YOU IGNORANT ASSHOLES! Pulling weeds. Keeping that shit out of the fucking garden. That kind of thing. And it may not even be about Laura. It's about a persona. Say it with me, per-so-na.

Wait! Wait a minute. It is about sex! Growing weeds are a metaphor... for penises! And it is about the seasons of a human life. "Overrun with weeds" she observes at first and then declares "not me." She's fierce in her determination to pluck, er, fuck all the weeds, er, dicks trying to overrun her garden. She wants to stay on top. She wants to smother them and pluck them. In her youthful pride and determination, no weed, er, dick was going to gain mastery. She would pluck, uh, fuck them all.

In her youth, she stayed ahead of the game; her garden was blooming. She plucked, eh, fucked them like a striped-ass ape on crack. But as she moved into the late summer of her life, the dicks began to take control. There were too many. She was growing weary. "Have I got the will in this heat?" she wonders. Do. I. Still. Have. The. Stamina. To. Fuck. All. These. Weeds, er, Dicks? She ponders the same questions that strike us all at one time or another during our lives--if "us" does not include me and signifies that subset of people who like the cock. Can I stay ahead of the game? she wants to know. Can I stay on top? Can I keep all these weeds, er, dicks, "smothered"? Finally, exhausted, with a plaintive cry, she says, "let them go to seed!" Let them go spread their seed. Let them go elsewhere. Go away! She no longer has the energy to keep all the weeds, er, dicks plucked, ah, fucked. They keep growing and growing; they just won't stop growing. They're growing back too fast. She accepts her inability to keep them plucked, ah, fucked, "Go fuck some other garden!" she considers writing in her poem but doesn't since it won't rhyme with "dick," er, "weed."

And then a death metaphor. Sleep under the snow. Maybe their will be a rebirth, a reincarnation, a new season. A new season of proud, furious weed, er, dick plucking, dammit, fucking. Sonofabitch!

Laura, first, there's a concept called "misplaced loyalty." In one sense, it means that just because you are surrounded by weeds doesn't mean you are obligated to fuck, SHIT!, pull them. It never was your duty to keep them all f.. pulled. But I sure wish I had been a weed in your high school. Hooboy! Yowsa.

Laura, can I have your phone number? I could use some help with my yard. And, you know, I don't mind having my weeds smothered. If that's your preference. Not one bit. Do you prefer Ortho? Or deisel feul? Deisel tends to kill the grass too. But it gets the job done. Ortho may or may not work. Fucking environmentalists have taken all the good weed killer off the shelves. All we have left is this wimpy shit that doesn't work half the time. I have a sprayer if you want to use deisel. Let me know.


Posted by: rdbrewer at October 03, 2005 08:50 PM (lpbk9)

174 A mind is a terrible thing to waste....

Posted by: at October 03, 2005 09:07 PM (X+OCl)

175 Well, you chickenshit
Cocksucking anonymous
Drive-by cheap-shot turd.

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 03, 2005 10:20 PM (lpbk9)

176 Ohh, very impressive snappy comeback!

I bet it took about the same number of neurons to generate that as a cockroach turd has...which is to say...vanishingly close to zero.

Posted by: at October 03, 2005 11:31 PM (X+OCl)

177 Speaking of combacks
That one sucked my big hot dog
You haiku half-wit


Posted by: rdbrewer at October 04, 2005 04:26 AM (lpbk9)

178 rd, that was revolting, thanks.
But skinbad already did a superb deconstruction on that item at the now-defunct blogtower.

Dear friend skinbad, my gmail addy is on this post.

Posted by: lauraw at October 04, 2005 04:39 AM (eNwpa)

179 Ahh, revolting posts
In the Flame thread. What a fluke.
Burnt dork jokes aside.

Sorry about the kidneys, yo. Deletion authorized. EOF.

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 04, 2005 02:16 PM (lpbk9)

180 Aaaah. The babbling voices, quieted.

It is mine.

Posted by: thread killah at October 04, 2005 05:14 PM (M7kiy)

181 Not quite yet.

I'm off to the slumberous warmth of my bed, dreaming of my tiara.

Posted by: Michael at October 04, 2005 10:59 PM (pRtzm)

182 Eternal Thread

Do we end the thread
or let it slumber again
later to awake?

Posted by: BrewFan at October 05, 2005 04:52 AM (Byr3j)

183 I can see that we're
Going to make lots of jokes
About laura's poem

I say end the thread
Let it die a peaceful death
And sleep under snow

Posted by: Slublog at October 05, 2005 05:15 AM (V7NgR)

184 To sleep with me under the snow perchancing, to dream,
aye, there's the rub.

Posted by: Dave in Texas at October 05, 2005 05:24 AM (pzen5)

185 *the creak of an old leather footlocker opening*

Posted by: thread killah at October 05, 2005 06:36 AM (LXd88)

186 Handle it gently! I don't want any more glitter falling off.

Posted by: Michael at October 05, 2005 06:40 AM (ycKg/)

187 *rustle, rustle*

Posted by: thread killah at October 05, 2005 07:01 AM (LXd88)

188 *sound of distant nuclear explosion*

Posted by: rdbrewer at October 05, 2005 02:40 PM (lpbk9)

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